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JMobius
2008-10-15, 12:28 PM
There sure are a lot to choose from...

Any favorites?

EDIT: And I'm just going to say it, before anyone makes an awful pun, we're looking for the ridiculous and silly kind of monsters, not ones with 1 INT. :P

TakeV
2008-10-15, 12:31 PM
Plague Brush.
A colossal, killer tumbleweed.
Why!?

Many of the plant-typed monsters are quite stupid.

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-10-15, 12:34 PM
http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m126/stoopidtallkid/RPG%20motivational/Enemies/96075.jpgYes. That is a real monster. It deserves to die.

Satyr
2008-10-15, 12:36 PM
Probably the evil squirrels of doom. (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm)

RPGuru1331
2008-10-15, 12:37 PM
Damn, I was hoping to get in before the Buer hate. I mean really, why would anyone oppose clear and obvious proof that ancient people were high as kites?

ColonelFuster
2008-10-15, 12:38 PM
I'd say that things like ettins and athaches, that just look like orcs with too many body parts, are pushing the limits.
And, I remember when a friend of mine was flipping through the monster manual- he dosen't play DnD- he saw a Violet Fungus and said, "That's not even a monster, that's a Pokemon!" and was partially right. He also called a dryad a "tree-b**ch" and said that a digester would "splooge in your face."
It was an altogether hilarious impromptu book report.

Darrin
2008-10-15, 01:18 PM
Probably the evil squirrels of doom. (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm)

Awww... no mention of the "ear seeker"? A creature that could only evolve after millions of years of mushy-brained adventurers listening at doors?

Not even mentioned in Part II, either.

newbDM
2008-10-15, 02:23 PM
Probably the evil squirrels of doom. (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm)

I always thought they were extremely cool. :smallfrown:

Come on, evil soul sucking squirrels? What's not to like?

Epinephrine
2008-10-15, 02:25 PM
Most of the really dumb monsters are from older editions (gotta love the Piercer), but the Gibbering Mouther strikes me as a core 3.5 dumb creature.

afroakuma
2008-10-15, 02:29 PM
Julajimus.

FoE
2008-10-15, 02:31 PM
Most of the really dumb monsters are from older editions (gotta love the Piercer), but the Gibbering Mouther strikes me as a core 3.5 dumb creature.

Oh yeah, the Piercer! I remember that. The monster that gets in one attack and then it's done. Sensational. :smalltongue:

Wasn't there a monster that was basically magic clothes ...?

monty
2008-10-15, 02:31 PM
For your convenience (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm).

Akisa
2008-10-15, 02:33 PM
For your convenience (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm).

A little late there buddy

monty
2008-10-15, 02:34 PM
A little late there buddy

Ah, that's what I get for not looking at the actual link. I thought that was something else.

Johnny Blade
2008-10-15, 02:36 PM
I always hated Vargouilles. Everything about them. And the "Your head turns into a monster and flies away" part is stupid.


Wasn't there a monster that was basically magic clothes ...?
The Raggamoffin, I think. Although, that may be stupid, but for the right games, it's usable. Of course, those games require quite an amount of alcohol.

Edit: The internet tells me it's Raggamoffyn. Close enough.

afroakuma
2008-10-15, 02:37 PM
I don't know, shrieking terrors made vargouilles cool again. If it weren't for the dumb head transformation bit, they'd be fine.

Akisa
2008-10-15, 02:38 PM
I never thought mimics were dumb, it's sorta of like a trap that wizard made.

newbDM
2008-10-15, 02:45 PM
Here is my vote for the stupidest monsters:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f173/celestialkin/MM35_PG108.jpg


Come on, you dumped the the cool and somewhat cute Modron for this?!

FoE
2008-10-15, 02:47 PM
I always liked the owlbear; at least it was a good lower-level threat that you could put anywhere, and the flavour was decent (ie. creation of some bat ****-crazy wizard).

But the Sea Lion was just DUMB. Not only did it look dumb, but it was an "underwater adventures-only" monster, which deeply limited its usefulness. What's more, you could replace it with a shark and achieve roughly the same effect.

Actually, that's a point to consider with a lot of the stupidest monsters; not only did they look silly, but they were generally useless. How many times were you going to throw a FLUMPH at your party?

Johnny Blade
2008-10-15, 02:47 PM
I don't know, shrieking terrors made vargouilles cool again. If it weren't for the dumb head transformation bit, they'd be fine.
They'd still basically be "save or be screwed in one or more ways" monsters. Geared towards low level characters without high fixed bonuses to their saves.
That kind of monster always annoys me.

(Of course, I should probably say that I once had a DM that liked exactly this type, including Vargouilles, a little too much. One player actually left the group when her character died three times in a row. "In a row" meaning she didn't survive one of three sequent encounters.)

Glimbur
2008-10-15, 02:48 PM
Wasn't there a monster that was basically magic clothes ...?

There's also the Cloaker, bane of people who borrow clothes without asking.

FoE
2008-10-15, 02:51 PM
Come on, you dumped the the cool and somewhat cute Modron for this?!

Ugh, are you serious? THEY'RE CUBES!

Worst. Monster. Ever.

Anybody remember the Pennangalan from the first Fiend Folio?

Johnny Blade
2008-10-15, 02:58 PM
But the Sea Lion was just DUMB. Not only did it look dumb, but it was an "underwater adventures-only" monster, which deeply limited its usefulness. What's more, you could replace it with a shark and achieve roughly the same effect.
Heh, yeah, that was a good one. A lot of those mix & match monsters qualify. I think there also is a Sea Tiger somewhere.
And one of the later Monster Manuals had a jungle-dwelling race of drider-like creatures, only that they had the upper body of gorillas.
And were the result of evolution.


Anybody remember the Pennangalan from the first Fiend Folio?
Heh. Those are actually mythological monsters. From Malaysia.
Malaysia is strange...:smallamused:

Satyr
2008-10-15, 03:00 PM
Anybody remember the Pennangalan from the first Fiend Folio?
I don't know the Fiend Folio, but if you mean something like a foating head that uses his intestines to strangle its victims, that is actually a very old monster, a legendary creature from the Philipines, I think.

FoE
2008-10-15, 03:02 PM
Heh. Those are actually mythological monsters. From Malaysia.
Malaysia is strange...:smallamused:

Yeah, I know about the legend. And I realize that D&D has always borrowed liberally from mythology, but that was a pretty wacky monster to include in the game. I liked it, but I couldn't imagine introducing it in a "serious" game without the players laughing their asses off at the flying vampire head with the still-beating heart and organs still attached.

What amazed me about the pennangalan was how long the flavour text was in FF. It was longer than any single monster entry that I can think of, at least in that book.

(Incidentally, a pennangalan also appears in the Hellboy comic.)

Morty
2008-10-15, 03:05 PM
Ugh, are you serious? THEY'RE CUBES!

Worst. Monster. Ever.


Only Quadrons are cubes. Modrons come in all shapes. And they're cool, like everything from Planescape.

Fiery Diamond
2008-10-15, 03:15 PM
Um, this is supposed to be 3.5, why are people listing AD&D monsters?

...

Oozes.

Stupendous_Man
2008-10-15, 03:18 PM
Ugh, are you serious? THEY'RE CUBES!


But the cube is your friend!

afroakuma
2008-10-15, 03:24 PM
I recall the penanggalan, I kinda liked it. Of course, I was very young at the time.

Modrons rule. Tasers on dissenters.

With vargouilles and the like, it's a question of how the DM uses the creature. I don't entrust my 3rd level party's mutant decapitations to random die rolls, I make it a very panicky sidequest.

FoE
2008-10-15, 03:25 PM
Only Quadrons are cubes. Modrons come in all shapes.

Yes, yes, they're cubes, pyramids, cylinders and rectangular boxes. And sometimes they come in vaguely-humanlike shapes, if they're powerful enough. The one thing they all share in common, though, is that they're wastes of space that could be inhabited by far cooler monsters.

Satyr
2008-10-15, 03:25 PM
I liked it, but I couldn't imagine introducing it in a "serious" game without the players laughing their asses off at the flying vampire head with the still-beating heart and organs still attached.

That depends. In a traditional heroic D&D game? Sure. In a game that is more oriented on horror where the characters are more mundane? Those beasts can be the pure horror.

My favorite 'stupid monster' is probably the Gnome in the 4th Edition Monster Manual. Not because I think that Gnomes are that stupid, but they as monsters they are a failure. I mean... how do you use them as a DM? I mean, as monsters? Epic battles against an army of Gnomes?

And not a part of D&D, but pretty stupid as a potential monster: The giant Cthulluh Mole.


http://www.nensch.de/s/vhbgylxnvosqjheealhr.jpg

Morty
2008-10-15, 03:28 PM
Yes, yes, they're cubes, pyramids, cylinders and rectangular boxes. And sometimes they come in vaguely-humanlike shapes, if they're powerful enough. The one thing they all share in common, though, is that they're wastes of space that could be inhabited by far cooler monsters.

Such as? Maybe they're not the top end of badassery, but a race of absolutely lawful machines sharing one hive mind is still preety good. It's not like "cool" has to mean "flashy and over the top".

potatocubed
2008-10-15, 04:06 PM
Epic battles against an army of Gnomes?

That's going in the book of ideas, along with the gungan Sith lord and the half-fiend gelatinous cube monk. Players in my games should fear anything that looks ridiculous.

My vote for 'WTF monster' is the phantom fungus. Because it's an animate fungus... with powerful jaws and pointy teeth... that's invisible. For no good reason.

Thane of Fife
2008-10-15, 04:12 PM
Some AD&D book or adventure, I know not which, had the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna.

"Wait a minute!" you say, "Those aren't monsters!"

They were here. The 'Hand of Vecna' is basically a man with a big left hand for a head. I wish i could provide a picture, but I can't find one. I really can't describe just how ridiculous it looks.

The Eye of Vecna is more or less the same, but with an eye instead of a hand - it looks slightly less goofy.

FoE
2008-10-15, 04:32 PM
Such as? Maybe they're not the top end of badassery, but a race of absolutely lawful machines sharing one hive mind is still preety good. It's not like "cool" has to mean "flashy and over the top".


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/Modron-Dungeons%2BDragons.png

I SHOULDN'T BE!

monty
2008-10-15, 04:35 PM
Actually, that's a point to consider with a lot of the stupidest monsters; not only did they look silly, but they were generally useless. How many times were you going to throw a FLUMPH at your party?

Evil campaign? They are LG, after all.

FoE
2008-10-15, 04:36 PM
Evil campaign? They are LG, after all.

Yes, I'm sure many evil campaigns were centered around the slaughtering of FLUMPHS. It's pretty a defining characteristic of evil characters that they hunger for the death of floating dinner plates with tentacles. :smalltongue:

Johnny Blade
2008-10-15, 04:45 PM
You know, for some special (yeah, that kind of special) evil campaigns, no monster is silly enough.

"Flying Jellyfish! I kill it! I set it on fire! And then I rape it!"

Mc. Lovin'
2008-10-15, 04:56 PM
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/images/d&d%20beasts%20topiary%20guardian.jpg

I wish they'd called these TREEnosaurus-Rex

Here all week :smallamused:

XenoGeno
2008-10-15, 04:59 PM
I wish they'd called these TREEnosaurus-Rex

Here all week :smallamused:


What, and not Treeceratops?

RPGuru1331
2008-10-15, 05:02 PM
I wish they'd called these TREEnosaurus-Rex
Thread's over. Even the drugged out ancients can't top shrubbery as stupid encounters.

Kyeudo
2008-10-15, 05:06 PM
Don't knock the evil soul eating squirrels. I almost TPKed my 1st level party with a pair of those things.

Mc. Lovin'
2008-10-15, 05:08 PM
What, and not Treeceratops?

Aw man! That was TREEmendous!

FoE
2008-10-15, 05:09 PM
Some AD&D book or adventure, I know not which, had the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna.

"Wait a minute!" you say, "Those aren't monsters!"

They were here. The 'Hand of Vecna' is basically a man with a big left hand for a head. I wish i could provide a picture, but I can't find one. I really can't describe just how ridiculous it looks.

The Eye of Vecna is more or less the same, but with an eye instead of a hand - it looks slightly less goofy.

They are no match for the HEAD of Vecna!

BRC
2008-10-15, 05:12 PM
The dread god of spite, the incarnation of hatred and disproportionate vengence. Truly such a creature can only take one form.
A MOOSE!
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/hoh_gallery/91962.jpg
That's right, the demigod of spite takes the form of an anthropormorphic moose. It's not that the monster itself, or the concept behind it is bad, those are both great.

Its just...a moose... you couldn't think of anybody better than a friggen MOOSE...

RPGuru1331
2008-10-15, 05:14 PM
The dread god of spite, the incarnation of hatred and disproportionate vengence. Truly such a creature can only take one form.
A MOOSE!
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/hoh_gallery/91962.jpg
That's right, the demigod of spite takes the form of an anthropormorphic moose. It's not that the monster itself, or the concept behind it is bad, those are both great.

Its just...a moose... you couldn't think of anybody better than a friggen MOOSE...

Does the Dread God of Strife take the form of a squirrel?

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-10-15, 05:16 PM
The dread god of spite, the incarnation of hatred and disproportionate vengence. Truly such a creature can only take one form.
A MOOSE!http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/hoh_gallery/91962.jpgThat's right, the demigod of spite takes the form of an anthropormorphic moose. It's not that the monster itself, or the concept behind it is bad, those are both great.

Its just...a moose... you couldn't think of anybody better than a friggen MOOSE...They can knock trains off of the tracks and are a tough fight for a pack of wolves. How are they not scary? Though I would have gone with a Wolverine, myself.

Kyeudo
2008-10-15, 05:24 PM
Moose are horrible about disproportionate vengance. If you so much as sneeze at one's calf, it will kill you if it can.

Oslecamo
2008-10-15, 05:25 PM
Its just...a moose... you couldn't think of anybody better than a friggen MOOSE...

You don't want to piss off a moose.

BRC
2008-10-15, 05:27 PM
Moose are horrible about disproportionate vengance. If you so much as sneeze at one's calf, it will kill you if it can.
Really, if so than I guess the only problem here is my lack of knowledge about mooses.

FoE
2008-10-15, 05:30 PM
They can knock trains off of the tracks and are a tough fight for a pack of wolves. How are they not scary?

When one thinks of ferocious animals, "moose" is generally not the first thing that leaps to people's minds. Indeed, while they can be a tough fight for a pack of wolves, the wolves often win.

But that's not the point. An anthromorphic moose is just silly-looking, especially if it's supposed to be "the dread lord of spite."

Knaight
2008-10-15, 05:31 PM
Come on, evil soul sucking squirrels? What's not to like?

A lot of people play this game for escapism, and evil soul sucking squirrels are a part of everyday life.

Kurald Galain
2008-10-15, 05:31 PM
Its just...a moose... you couldn't think of anybody better than a friggen MOOSE...

A m00se once bit my sister.

Johnny Blade
2008-10-15, 05:36 PM
A m00se once bit my sister.

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".

Hm...
You know, if that thing is a Monty Python homage, it's not quite the best one I've ever seen.

Epinephrine
2008-10-15, 05:42 PM
Hm...
You know, if that thing is a Monty Python homage, it's not quite the best one I've ever seen.

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

newbDM
2008-10-15, 05:43 PM
Only Quadrons are cubes. Modrons come in all shapes. And they're cool, like everything from Planescape.



I recall the penanggalan, I kinda liked it. Of course, I was very young at the time.

Modrons rule. Tasers on dissenters.

With vargouilles and the like, it's a question of how the DM uses the creature. I don't entrust my 3rd level party's mutant decapitations to random die rolls, I make it a very panicky sidequest.


What they said. The Modron rocked!

Stop hating on one of the coolest things to come out of D&D.

EvilElitest
2008-10-15, 06:01 PM
i agree with that dude on most ofthe articles, except for the Liamia changes. I mean, women with a lion lowerbody and a women upper body who uses illusions? Ok, i can go with it? Replaced with a swarm person? Just make something new, don't use arbitary changes. I don't mind either monster, actually i think the new one is cooler, but the keeping of hte names is just odd. That and i don't think the cubes are really that bad


Sorry off topic rant

I never liked the gibberling mouthers, they just were.....weird
from
EE

FoE
2008-10-15, 06:10 PM
i agree with that dude on most ofthe articles, except for the Liamia changes. I mean, women with a lion lowerbody and a women upper body who uses illusions? Ok, i can go with it? Replaced with a swarm person?

I disagree. I think the lamias are one of the coolest new monsters of 4E.

I remember there was this one creature in the Fiend Folio that was basically a "honeycomb man." I think it was called a sussurus, and the special feature of this thing is that it made undead calm and docile with the sound of air passing through the holes in its body.

Yeah. Really.

monty
2008-10-15, 06:11 PM
A m00se once bit my sister.

We apologise for the fault in the forum posts. Those responsible have been sacked.

LongVin
2008-10-15, 06:13 PM
I present to you the pusmother.


It is a giant floating evil pimple.


http://www.seankreynolds.com/skrg/free/motm/motm5_pusmother.html

EvilElitest
2008-10-15, 06:14 PM
I disagree. I think the lamias are one of the coolest new monsters of 4E.

I remember there was this one creature in the Fiend Folio that was basically a "honeycomb man." I think it was called a sussurus, and the special feature of this thing is that it made undead calm and docile with the sound of air passing through the holes in its body.

Yeah. Really.

as i said, the idea of a swarm monster isn't bad, its pretty cool. naming it after a totally different old monster is just arbitrary changing without a cause

Through when it comes to freaking weird monsters, some of the old Christian descriptions of devils are really weird
from
EE

FoE
2008-10-15, 06:18 PM
as i said, the idea of a swarm monster isn't bad, its pretty cool. naming it after a totally different old monster is just arbitrary changing without a cause

OK. I'll give you that.

doliest
2008-10-15, 06:19 PM
HEY, I like the ant people, I managed to make an entire campaign featuring them as the villians, as for stupidest monster.....Wargs? I mean atleast hobbits halflings got a name change, this wasn't even trying.

infinitypanda
2008-10-15, 06:19 PM
Ever since it came out, I have hated the Bugbears from 4th ed. They look like Gremlins or something.

Seriously, they're like 3 feet tall.

EvilElitest
2008-10-15, 06:21 PM
OK. I'll give you that.

thanks

I think a lot of the dumbest monsters are in third party sources actually.
from
EE

FoE
2008-10-15, 06:24 PM
This is technically 3.5 Edition, just d20 Modern. But there's a Halloween-themed adventure on WotC's website featuring candy-flavoured monsters, ie. a zombie powered by sugar ("sugar slave") and a candy golem.

Tengu_temp
2008-10-15, 06:25 PM
Century Worm
http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50103.jpg

If you don't know what's wrong with this picture, congratulate yourself on still being pure and innocent.

AslanCross
2008-10-15, 06:26 PM
Ever since it came out, I have hated the Bugbears from 4th ed. They look like Gremlins or something.

Seriously, they're like 3 feet tall.


o_O The Bugbears look huge. Not any smaller than the art in 3.5.

Anyway, my vote:

The Sussurus from MMIII.
http://wizards.com/dnd/images/mmiii_gallery/83060.jpg It's a docile living humanoid glass ocarina.

WHAT?


This is technically 3.5 Edition, just d20 Modern. But there's a Halloween-themed adventure on WotC's website featuring candy-flavoured monsters, ie. a zombie powered by sugar ("sugar slave") and a candy golem.

There was a calzone golem too. I think I still have the PDF of that adventure somewhere.

Deepblue706
2008-10-15, 06:34 PM
Here are some dumb ones:

Chichimec: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/EPIC_Gallery/Gallery5a/44173_C5_Chichimec.jpg

Vermiurge: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/EPIC_Gallery/Gallery5a/44163_C5_vermiurge.jpg

Tojanida: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG243.jpg

Behir: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG25.jpg

Really, these guys don't try to hide it when they're out of ideas and just start mixing random animals and insects.

FoE
2008-10-15, 06:38 PM
Chichimec: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/EPIC_Gallery/Gallery5a/44173_C5_Chichimec.jpg

What the heck is that? It just looks like a bunch of wings taped together. :smallconfused:


Behir: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG25.jpg

In fairness, the behir has been around for a while. But the others are just-cobbled mishmashes.

Asbestos
2008-10-15, 06:44 PM
Um, like half the monsters from the 3.x Fiend Folio. The book where that Century Worm is from and the Plague Bush.

I submit... these choice few.

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50183.jpg
Flying monkey-men!
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50129.jpg Its a Terlen! Seriously, was "Flying Shark" taken?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50155.jpg
Ostrich People from the Abyss!
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ff_gallery/50173.jpg
I would be more serious, Mr. Devil, if you had legs or something other than a slug foot.

AslanCross
2008-10-15, 06:45 PM
I don't know the Fiend Folio, but if you mean something like a foating head that uses his intestines to strangle its victims, that is actually a very old monster, a legendary creature from the Philipines, I think.

The Penanggolan is actually Malaysian, but we have a similar monster called the Manananggal. It's basically a kind of vampire, but instead of turning into a bat, she rips her torso off her legs at the waist and flies around at night, sucking unborn embryos out of their mothers through a long, tubular tongue.

Sounds horrifically badass, until you get to their weakness: pour vinegar, garlic and salt on the lower torso. When she rejoins her body before dawn, it dissolves her from the inside out. :P




What the heck is that? It just looks like a bunch of wings taped together. :smallconfused:

Well, it's one of those epic-level abomination type monsters. Aborted spawn of a wind god and a demon or something.

Come to think of it, a lot of the abominations are aborted spawn from unholy unions.

The_Snark
2008-10-15, 07:03 PM
What the heck is that? It just looks like a bunch of wings taped together. :smallconfused:

It's an abomination.

I'm not criticizing it; that's actually what it's called. They're the horrible misshapen spawn of air and sky deities, so they sort of make sense, really.

I'll put forward the rejkar (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mmiii_gallery/83042.jpg), a monster that can be summed up as a diabolical mountain goat with a silly name.

And in the category of lame mix-and-match monsters, we have the bearhound (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mmiii_gallery/82968.jpg), the howler monkey wasp (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98690.jpg) and any number of (insert random animal)-folk, including goatfolk and armadillo-folk (armands).

EvilElitest
2008-10-15, 07:16 PM
Century Worm
http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50103.jpg

If you don't know what's wrong with this picture, congratulate yourself on still being pure and innocent.

hey, it looks like a rotting sausage.......wait is that what i think it....
from
EE

newbDM
2008-10-15, 07:21 PM
This is technically 3.5 Edition, just d20 Modern. But there's a Halloween-themed adventure on WotC's website featuring candy-flavoured monsters, ie. a zombie powered by sugar ("sugar slave") and a candy golem.


Link please? :smallbiggrin:



Also, I'd throw in that anything 4.0 is kind of silly/kidish. And gnomes as a monster makes me want to go into an insane rage...

Asbestos
2008-10-15, 07:27 PM
Link please? :smallbiggrin:



Also, I'd throw in that anything 4.0 is kind of silly/kidish. And gnomes as a monster makes me want to go into an insane rage...

You know... elves and humans (and every other player race) appear in the MM as well.
Gnomes are getting some love in the PHB 2, so then they will go from pseudo-PC race to full on PC race.

I wish the Berbalang had less traction. I think its originally from the mythos of Malaysia or the Philippines, but still, just have a vampire or a gargoyle... don't have an astral vampire-gargoyle.

TheThan
2008-10-15, 07:34 PM
I think the flying monkeys are kinda cool actually. I can see them being the henchmen to an evil witch… oh wait!

Rei_Jin
2008-10-15, 08:01 PM
Hmmm... Wizards of the Crackpipe did release a mini adventure with a Calzone Golem in it for 3.5...

And my vote for dumbest monster in a rule book is for the Elemental Tempest. Come on, it's a storm. Let's fight a giant storm cloud. Yay.

Starbuck_II
2008-10-15, 08:13 PM
Link please? :smallbiggrin:

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/oa/20010413a

Go there and look at link.



Also, I'd throw in that anything 4.0 is kind of silly/kidish. And gnomes as a monster makes me want to go into an insane rage...

I'm a Monster, Rawr!

monty
2008-10-15, 08:17 PM
I always thought oozes were pretty ridiculous.

"You're fighting a giant amorphous blob!"

newbDM
2008-10-15, 08:21 PM
This is technically 3.5 Edition, just d20 Modern. But there's a Halloween-themed adventure on WotC's website featuring candy-flavoured monsters, ie. a zombie powered by sugar ("sugar slave") and a candy golem.


Hmmm... Wizards of the Crackpipe did release a mini adventure with a Calzone Golem in it for 3.5...


Anyone got links to these? :smallbiggrin:


Also, who are Wizards of the Crackpipe? A forum, or group that makes/publishes stuff?

Talanic
2008-10-15, 08:30 PM
My DM has gnomes as an evil race (though this is a 3.5 campaign). They're technologically advanced, but totally amoral. They're also cursed.

See, we're not the first people to play a campaign in this DM's setting. In the first campaign where gnomes were the villains, the party wound up having the full attention of the pantheon after thoroughly thwarting the gnomes' plot. One of them had a Miracle coming as payment for what they had done...so he asked all of the gods if they'd put a curse on the gnomish race.

Gnomes in this setting who are struck by sunlight are smitten. Their noses and feet engorge with blood, turning red and swelling to quadruple size. Their hair and the skin around their eyes turns green, and the rest of their skin turns pale. Exposure to sunlight for more than three or four rounds is fatal; if they get out of the light before then, they're merely in horrible pain for the rest of their lives. If the sunlight's reflected, they're not afflicted, but they sunburn instantly, and it never heals.

Rei_Jin
2008-10-15, 08:42 PM
Anyone got links to these? :smallbiggrin:


Also, who are Wizards of the Crackpipe? A forum, or group that makes/publishes stuff?

Your link to the Calzone Golem is HERE (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/files/Cooking.pdf)

And Wizards of the Crackpipe is my pet name for Wizards of the Coast, for it is the item they seem to be most attached to when making game material.

EvilElitest
2008-10-15, 08:43 PM
You know... elves and humans (and every other player race) appear in the MM as well.
Gnomes are getting some love in the PHB 2, so then they will go from pseudo-PC race to full on PC race.


But they are still actual races, just put into the MM for general Monster state plus subraces. Now they just exist as monster encounters, which is a very different place, against arbitrary change. But i digress
from
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afroakuma
2008-10-15, 08:51 PM
Sussuri are bygone elements of the old dungeon constructions (Castle Greyhawk-esqe ecologies) whose purpose was to kill your lights and quiet nearby undead.

Nowadays, they just retain the essence of freaky cool. I love 'em; I was thrilled to see 'em converted.


Some AD&D book or adventure, I know not which, had the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna.

Die Vecna Die. The Ravenloft part.


If you don't know what's wrong with this picture, congratulate yourself on still being pure and innocent.

Um... points to me? I see nothing out of place with the Century Worm. It's patently stupid, but...

holywhippet
2008-10-15, 08:53 PM
Some AD&D book or adventure, I know not which, had the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna.

It might have been Die Vecna Die at a guess. Have never played it even though I own a copy.

FoE
2008-10-15, 10:41 PM
Link please? :smallbiggrin:.

Here ya go. It was actually part of a five-part series that featured, among other things, ravenous zombies who had eaten cursed Thanksgiving turkey. :smalltongue:

chiasaur11
2008-10-15, 11:16 PM
I think the flying monkeys are kinda cool actually. I can see them being the henchmen to an evil witch… oh wait!

And I can see them attacking Romeo and Juliet.

newbDM
2008-10-16, 01:53 AM
Your link to the Calzone Golem is HERE (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/files/Cooking.pdf)

Thanks, but damn. Those instruction made me hungry.


And Wizards of the Crackpipe is my pet name for Wizards of the Coast, for it is the item they seem to be most attached to when making game material.

Yeah, I guess that is a nice way of putting it.

bosssmiley
2008-10-16, 04:41 AM
I always thought oozes were pretty ridiculous.

"You're fighting a giant amorphous blob!"

Summoning oozes:

"The giant amorphous blob with glowing tattoos summons another, less silly, monster for you to fight."

:smallconfused:

Brother Oni
2008-10-16, 07:18 AM
Um... points to me? I see nothing out of place with the Century Worm. It's patently stupid, but...

Try looking a little harder, but careful - looking too long will result in blindness... :smalltongue:

newbDM
2008-10-16, 10:02 AM
Damn. Now I want to use the piercer, the shrikers, the lurkers above, and (especially) the trapper in my games. I actually want to use the trapper in my very next game, but I can't. :smallfrown:


Damn WotC for going away from the "fun" stuff for more "cool" and animeish stuff.

Tengu_temp
2008-10-16, 10:08 AM
Damn WotC for going away from the "fun" stuff for more "cool" and animeish stuff.

Says someone who uses Chocobos in his DND games.

The stupidest 4e creature is probably the Bugbear Dominatrix:
http://ffrpg.republika.pl/bugbear.PNG

newbDM
2008-10-16, 10:37 AM
Says someone who uses Chocobos in his DND games.

Well, I kinda figured that fell under the "fun" category. :smallbiggrin:



The stupidest 4e creature is probably the Bugbear Dominatrix:
http://ffrpg.republika.pl/bugbear.PNG

Wait, wut?

Tengu_temp
2008-10-16, 10:42 AM
Level 6 Controller. Has attacks such as Lash (+10 vs AC, 1d8+4 damage, additional attack: +9 vs Will, -2 to attack rolls [save ends]).

newbDM
2008-10-16, 11:19 AM
Level 6 Controller. Has attacks such as Lash (+10 vs AC, 1d8+4 damage, additional attack: +9 vs Will, -2 to attack rolls [save ends]).

"Controller"? You mean like in enslaver/captureer?

Oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot that 4.0 is G rated for the kiddies.

RPGuru1331
2008-10-16, 11:46 AM
"Controller"? You mean like in enslaver/captureer?

Uh, like in debuffer/mezzer. Lord and Tailor are people obsessed with making 4e sound ill thought out.

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 12:16 PM
"Controller"? You mean like in enslaver/captureer?

Oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot that 4.0 is G rated for the kiddies.

Yes, let us lament the loss of the Nymph-nipple days of the 3.5 MM. That's a Bugbear Strangler anyway. Its a Level 6 lurker that sneaks up on people and garrotes them, hence that bit of rope she's got in her hands. It has no attack called "Lash". Now, not to point out sexism... but had that been a male bugbear I'm sure everyone would probably just call it a "slaver" or something and it wouldn't be sexual at all. Clearly female w/ anything remotely rope-like = BDSM fantasy. This isn't a drow where they have extremely heavy bondage fluff going on, its a bugbear! She'll strangle you to death and then wear your head on her belt. I don't see that as sexual at all.

I delcare Drow the stupidest monster ever because of their silly fetishist fluff. Also, how ridiculous is the "Redeemed Drow" Epic destiny in the "Children of Darkness" Dragon article? Its for dark elves that seek to redeem themselves of their curse and end up turning into white light only to be reborn as an elf that isn't a Dark Elf... wow.

JBento
2008-10-16, 01:48 PM
I delcare Drow the stupidest monster ever because of their silly fetishist fluff. Also, how ridiculous is the "Redeemed Drow" Epic destiny in the "Children of Darkness" Dragon article? Its for dark elves that seek to redeem themselves of their curse and end up turning into white light only to be reborn as an elf that isn't a Dark Elf... wow.

On the upside, that sounds right up Drizz't's alley: with some luck, that's what he'll do and then we'll have no more fanmade characters (Note: I use "character" here in its broadest meaning. This post or its poster in no way make even the hint of a suggestion that the aforementioned... beings have in any way a sufficient ammount of personality, style, or depth to be considered actual interesting personas)

Akisa
2008-10-16, 02:19 PM
but had that been a male bugbear I'm sure everyone would probably just call it a "slaver" or something and it wouldn't be sexual at all. Clearly female w/ anything remotely rope-like = BDSM fantasy. This isn't a drow where they have extremely heavy bondage fluff going on, its a bugbear! She'll strangle you to death and then wear your head on her belt. I don't see that as sexual at all.



Strange if it was a male I would of thought of him as Dominater, but it's female so I just think it's a slaver.

Epinephrine
2008-10-16, 02:26 PM
Damn. Now I want to use the piercer, the shrikers, the lurkers above, and (especially) the trapper in my games. I actually want to use the trapper in my very next game, but I can't. :smallfrown:


Damn WotC for going away from the "fun" stuff for more "cool" and animeish stuff.

Piercers being vermin (molluscs) just seems odd. Now I have this image of a Child of Winter druid with his little flock of tamed piercers.

The Rose Dragon
2008-10-16, 03:00 PM
Um... points to me? I see nothing out of place with the Century Worm. It's patently stupid, but...

I want your innocence.

Dear gods, was that picture awful! I will never see D&D the same way again!

Tengu_temp
2008-10-16, 04:06 PM
Imagine a battle between a Century Worm and this monk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5028441).

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 04:55 PM
Piercers being vermin (molluscs) just seems odd. Now I have this image of a Child of Winter druid with his little flock of tamed piercers.

Well, molluscs aren't all vermin, look at the various cephalopods. Any druid could have these guys!

sleepy
2008-10-16, 05:24 PM
Wait, did someone just describe a monster in this thread as a floating vampiric head with dangling organs and entrails with which it strangles you? That's HORRIFYING. You can't imagine that being taken seriously?

...you're startled suddenly by a wet slap against the stone floor behind you. Whirling about, your eyes encounter a ropey blue mass of twisting intestine ending in a tangled heap on the ground amidst a spreading pool of noxious fluid. Your nausia rises with your eyes as they widen in disbelief, passing the protrusions of rotting organs dangling like fruit amist the thick coils of entrails to meet the eviscerated remains of a neck, and a mad, hate-filled rictus frozen on the animated head who's soulless hunger bores into you through its bloodshot red eyes. Bile rises in your throat at the slushy slithering sound of the horror's filth dragging along the stone as it swoops towards you, it's dripping guts smearing you with a wet and reeking concoction your mind refuses to contemplate. Roll a reflex save.

I don't even dm. But that's just... not a pleasant thought.

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 05:50 PM
Strange if it was a male I would of thought of him as Dominater, but it's female so I just think it's a slaver.
I believe that is the conventional form of sexism in Bizzaro World.


Drow are also a stupid monster because they are frigging cheaters!
"Awesome! I found some +3 plate on that drow"
*DAWN-ed!*
"Nooooo! It turned to worthless dust!"

The only reason they exist is to provide evil 'mirror parties' and to allow fetishists to have their very own character race! Down with drow!

Oh, and the ludicrousness of the Epic Destiny I mentioned was how it could easily be construed as thinly veiled racism. Think about it.

AslanCross
2008-10-16, 05:53 PM
Wait, did someone just describe a monster in this thread as a floating vampiric head with dangling organs and entrails with which it strangles you? That's HORRIFYING. You can't imagine that being taken seriously?

...you're startled suddenly by a wet slap against the stone floor behind you. Whirling about, your eyes encounter a ropey blue mass of twisting intestine ending in a tangled heap on the ground amidst a spreading pool of noxious fluid. Your nausia rises with your eyes as they widen in disbelief, passing the protrusions of rotting organs dangling like fruit amist the thick coils of entrails to meet the eviscerated remains of a neck, and a mad, hate-filled rictus frozen on the animated head who's soulless hunger bores into you through its bloodshot red eyes. Bile rises in your throat at the slushy slithering sound of the horror's filth dragging along the stone as it swoops towards you, it's dripping guts smearing you with a wet and reeking concoction your mind refuses to contemplate. Roll a reflex save.

I don't even dm. But that's just... not a pleasant thought.

It sure is horrific.
http://wizards.com/dnd/images/oa_gallery/Pennaggolan.jpg

Oh wow, I didn't know this guy updated.
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article95.htm

newbDM
2008-10-16, 06:27 PM
Oh, and the ludicrousness of the Epic Destiny I mentioned was how it could easily be construed as thinly veiled racism. Think about it.

As a WotC tournaments winning DM once pointed out to me, think about the time/year they were created. He put it as an "allegory for racism". Sadly, I fear he might have been right...

EvilElitest
2008-10-16, 07:31 PM
she hurts us because she loves us
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Thane of Fife
2008-10-16, 07:46 PM
As a WotC tournaments winning DM once pointed out to me, think about the time/year they were created. He put it as an "allegory for racism". Sadly, I fear he might have been right...

The idea of degenerate, evil creatures living underground, often with dark skin, is a fairly old one.

Look at H.G. Wells's Morlocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morlock), for example.

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 08:01 PM
The idea of degenerate, evil creatures living underground, often with dark skin, is a fairly old one.

Look at H.G. Wells's Morlocks (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morlock), for example.

Uh.. Morlocks were hairy with like no skin pigment.

EvilElitest
2008-10-16, 08:13 PM
i find the 4E drow back ground amusing

Basically, they are an entire race of dominatrix
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Asbestos
2008-10-16, 08:17 PM
i find the 4E drow back ground amusing

Basically, they are an entire race of dominatrix
from
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How is that 4e exclusive? They've been like that since forever.

EvilElitest
2008-10-16, 08:19 PM
How is that 4e exclusive? They've been like that since forever.

Not in 2E, they were evil psychotics but not dominatrix. I want to say the same for 3E, which kept them just as evil elves for most of the edition, but the complete drow ruined taht
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Asbestos
2008-10-16, 08:24 PM
Not in 2E, they were evil psychotics but not dominatrix. I want to say the same for 3E, which kept them just as evil elves for most of the edition, but the complete drow ruined taht
from
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They had the whole freaky fetish society in 2E too. FR drow ruined it. Unless some old timer can point to the 1st iteration of drow and demonstrate them being fetishists then too. In which case it always has been.
Screw that! I'm looking for the GDQ series of adventures from 1st edition, they apparently are the first things to actually give some serious description of drow society, we shall see how early the fetishism began :smallamused:

Edit: Btw, I just reread the 4e drow stuff... seems pretty close to identical to the old stuff. Not seeing how its more so BDSM than other editions.

EvilElitest
2008-10-16, 08:25 PM
They had the whole freaky fetish society in 2E too. FR drow ruined it. Unless some old timer can point to the 1st iteration of drow and demonstrate them being fetishists then too. In which case it always has been.

what about FR? I don't think they had much of a society (not counting third party sources) until FR, which makes them insane murderers but not dominatrix entirely......at least until complete drow
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Thane of Fife
2008-10-16, 08:43 PM
Uh.. Morlocks were hairy with like no skin pigment.

Hmm. I vividly recall a picture of one as appearing kind of short and with black fur or skin ir whatever. Perhaps it was merely a bad illustration. Looking at Google's image results, they appear to be shown as generally... blue (although their white hair does make them look quite like the general depiction of drow, intriguingly)?

Disregard what I said, then.

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 10:20 PM
This is a reply to what I said earlier, about digging up 1st edition Drow info.
BEHOLD! (I'm sure most of you have seen this image)

http://paizo.com/image/product/catalog/TSR/TSR9179_500.jpeg

Its a cover to like, the very first thing to have drow in it in any serious capacity. Those are drow chicks. Not only is the drow society set up as a pro-female matriarchy in 1st edition but, the S&M thing appears too. Check these snippets from the description of the Drow city and locations within it from the adventure Vault of the Drow.

In the city you can find... (bolded by me)
The most popular places in the city are the gambling dens, bordellos, taverns, drug saloons, and even less savory shops along the two main streets. The back streets and alleyways too, boast of brothels, poison shops, bars, and torture parlors. Unspeakable things transpire where the evil and jaded creatures seek pleasure, pain, excitement or arcane knowledge, and sometimes these seekers find they are victims.
The Priestess Lounge...
This area is decorated with innumerable perverted and lewd paintings, tapestries, statues, etc. Even the carpets are obscene
Gasp! Not the carpets too! :smalltongue:

Oh, also the warring houses of the drow were set up way back then too, if anyone was wondering where that bit of fluff originated.

So, from Day One the drow have been oversexed and into pain with scantily clad women leading them. Also, that whole thinly veiled racism thing. I rest my case.

EvilElitest
2008-10-16, 10:29 PM
1) The picture is just scanty..........like almost all D&D females
2) meh, alright you make a point with the description, through do they mean domatrix torture or more sadist torture?
3) Evil Carpets? I don't think i want to know

You make a good point, but i think that this is more like just general evilness rather than kinky sort of evil, through it is hinted at. The pain seems to be the pain of others not self inflicted, female dominated society doesn't quite mean dominatrix, and over sexed.......well what evil D&D female isn't (apart from night hag).

As to racism......well yeah but i think the later editions got ride of that by changing the skin tone and the background
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newbDM
2008-10-16, 10:38 PM
Makes me wonder, those this mean Gygax was racist or something?

As a Hispanic, that would make me sad.

Asbestos
2008-10-16, 10:43 PM
3) Evil Carpets? I don't think i want to know


Imagine a 8' x 8' carpet with the image of that Century Worm on it...
I think that qualifies as "obscene" and lewd... and perverted too.

Sadly (or thankfully!) the descriptions of the 'lewd and obscene' images don't go into detail.

@NewbDM: I think it was that sort of "unwitting racism" that one might encounter in the past. I think its born more from ignorance than some sort of racial hatred. The Epic Destiny seems odd because well, you have dark skin because of a curse and you hate yourself and you strive to do good so that you may be reborn as a light skinned version of your race. :smallconfused::smallconfused::smallconfused: WotC! Really?! But, its fantasy monsters that actually were cursed and actually could use some redeeming, just parts of it... feel weird.

Tengu_temp
2008-10-17, 05:16 AM
Oh wow, I didn't know this guy updated.
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article95.htm

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/dnd%20purse%20vampire.jpg

It makes me think of this website (http://www.lolchair.com/).

Asbestos
2008-10-17, 12:43 PM
Ha, nice. What I can't figure out is why its called a "Peltast". Wasn't that like some sort of ancient Greek infantry? Also, it should be noted that the Greater Peltast is an exceptionally intelligent purse monster. How ludicrous is that? A purse with 15 or 16 INT could easily be smarter than the adventurer carrying it, that's just embarrassing.

Rift_Wolf
2008-10-17, 01:43 PM
On the subject of Dark Elves and the racism inherent, wouldn't it make sense for a race of underground creatures who burn in sunlight to be albino? Because, y'know, that's how it works on our world?
I love that pic of the 1st ed Drow game. Imagine the Mind Flayer in the background thinking 'Alright! The chicks rule here! Peace out!'

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 02:51 PM
On the subject of Dark Elves and the racism inherent, wouldn't it make sense for a race of underground creatures who burn in sunlight to be albino? Because, y'know, that's how it works on our world?
I love that pic of the 1st ed Drow game. Imagine the Mind Flayer in the background thinking 'Alright! The chicks rule here! Peace out!'

1) Well they are dark skinned because it.....well it.....because dark equals evil ok
2) Oh gods, my eyes
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newbDM
2008-10-17, 03:58 PM
1) Well they are dark skinned because it.....well it.....because dark equals evil ok


Well, I guess that is the problem. It really sends out a bad message to us minorities.

The light skinned elves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned elves = evil and bad.

The light skinned dwarves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned dwarves = evil and bad.

The light skinned gnomes = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned gnomes = evil and bad.

Etc, etc.

Kinda a bad message to send. Especially to the younger ones of us.

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 04:09 PM
Well, I guess that is the problem. It really sends out a bad message to us minorities.

The light skinned elves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned elves = evil and bad.

The light skinned dwarves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned dwarves = evil and bad.

The light skinned gnomes = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned gnomes = evil and bad.

Etc, etc.

Kinda a bad message to send. Especially to the younger ones of us.

I mean, you could "technically" say that some editions avert this by making the skin color inhuman, but the point is very much the same. The sterotype isn't 100%, but that message isn't a very good one
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hamishspence
2008-10-17, 04:19 PM
Svirfneblin were Neutral, not evil.

Spriggans- fey which were sort-of gnomes, were evil though.

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 04:20 PM
Svirfneblin were Neutral, not evil.

Spriggans- fey which were sort-of gnomes, were evil though.

there was a third party source i recall that had Lawn gnomes, evil gnomes basically
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FoE
2008-10-17, 04:42 PM
Folks, sometimes a drow is just a drow. The vast majority of villains in Western fiction are Colour Coded for Your Convenience. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ColourCodedForYourConvenience) Just think of every comic book you've ever read and every TV show you ever watched. It goes far deeper than D&D.

Rift_Wolf
2008-10-17, 05:31 PM
There's more to evil than the invert function on photoshop, though. I liked the Elder Scrolls explanation of Dark Elves, in that their name didn't just relate to their skin, but their brooding personalities. Then again, Elder Scrolls teaches us that Westerners (Imperials) are more likeable while Scandanavians (Nords) and African Americans (Redguards) are less intelligent but stronger. But this is a rant for a different thread.
My favourite stupid monster is the Ethereal Filcher. You cannot take it seriouslyas a threat, or even as an inconvenience. It's got four arms and attacks with its mouth. That or the Nether Mastiff from MM2. That drawing was just f'ing goofy.

Agrippa
2008-10-17, 06:04 PM
Makes me wonder, those this mean Gygax was racist or something?

As a Hispanic, that would make me sad.

Well Gygax did hate black widdow spiders and thought that anyone who liked them was undeniably and irrevocably insane. I'm not sure if that counts. How is this relevant to the drow you say. Simple, the drow have black skina and female black widdows are mostly black. Drow have glowing red eyes, female black widdow spiders have have red hourglass on their abdomens. Finally, sipder silk is white. All drow have white hair. I hope that explains a few things.

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 07:37 PM
Well Gygax did hate black widdow spiders and thought that anyone who liked them was undeniably and irrevocably insane. I'm not sure if that counts. How is this relevant to the drow you say. Simple, the drow have black skina and female black widdows are mostly black. Drow have glowing red eyes, female black widdow spiders have have red hourglass on their abdomens. Finally, sipder silk is white. All drow have white hair. I hope that explains a few things.

in the modern (IE FR) version of Drow thats true, where they look like spiders, but the first picture makes them look like Hispanics
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streakster
2008-10-17, 07:57 PM
Well Gygax did hate black widdow spiders and thought that anyone who liked them was undeniably and irrevocably insane.

A position I most heartily agree with.

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 07:59 PM
A position I most heartily agree with.

Me too, snakes are cool but spiders? They have no soul
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newbDM
2008-10-17, 08:36 PM
in the modern (IE FR) version of Drow thats true, where they look like spiders, but the first picture makes them look like Hispanics
from
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Really?! :smalleek:


Well, that sorta destroys the fantasy for me...

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 08:37 PM
Really?! :smalleek:


Well, that sorta destroys the fantasy for me...

have a look at the last page. It is not entirely true but the resemblance is somewhat upsetting. Through they no longer do that from 2E to 4E
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chiasaur11
2008-10-17, 09:01 PM
in the modern (IE FR) version of Drow thats true, where they look like spiders, but the first picture makes them look like Hispanics
from
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Please say they had cheesy, Frito Bandito mustaches.

I NEED Drow with Frito Bandito mustaches.

EvilElitest
2008-10-17, 09:02 PM
Please say they had cheesy, Frito Bandito mustaches.

I NEED Drow with Frito Bandito mustaches.

No, but we can always dream

However they don't look like taht any more, so its all cool
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theMycon
2008-10-17, 10:19 PM
Imagine a battle between a Century Worm and this monk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5028441).
If you are under 21, offended by homosexuality, or do not want to risk an urge to soak your imagination in bleach, pretend this post does not exist. If you do not know these terms, do not look them up. Do not image search them under any situation.
Docking made easy?

Alternate response:
Least satisfying fleshlight ever.

Elm11
2008-10-18, 07:37 AM
elder black pudding, i mean c'mon... PUDDING?!

EvilElitest
2008-10-18, 09:00 PM
elder black pudding, i mean c'mon... PUDDING?!

yeah, i think the name does give the wrong image

I'm going to eate some elder chocolate pudding
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rayne_dragon
2008-10-18, 10:41 PM
Now that I want to grind up my brains and feed them to an unholy abomination to salve it of the horror of looking at all those hideously stupid monsters, I'd like to nominate:

Elves
Humans
&
Halflings
:smallyuk:

They're always the first things you encounter and everybody gets upset when you kill them. Why am I encountering them so often if I'm not supposed to kill them? Plus if they're the dominant species, they have the most magic items and money, so how am I supposed to make a living picking on goblins who are too poor even to be dirt farmers? Besides, they're all so boring and unoriginal. :smallbiggrin:

EvilElitest
2008-10-18, 10:52 PM
If you are male, do not read teh below spoiler


Men, you see them all the time and they are so useless


If you are a girl, don't read the below spoiler


What, your think i'm going to insult a women when i'm a man? How sexist would taht make me:smallbiggrin:


above messages are only intended as jokes, and no offense is intended/not my actual views
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Ravens_cry
2008-10-18, 10:54 PM
Humans are the worst of that lot.
they get an extra feat for some reason. Otherwise no bonuses, no negatives, they are just boring.
Except that, they are the biggest horn dogs in the universe. Human having sex with orcs, human having sex with elves, human having sex with ogres, trolls, and kobalds! If its on two legs, and they can catch it, then Bobs your uncle. Or in this case, your father. And not always two legs either, take the the spawn of of a human and a DRAGON. Thats right, a DRAGON. Bigger then big ,scalier then scaly, and distinctly NON bipedal. Imagine that for a second, then grab the brain bleach. You will need it.
It's a good thing they took them out of the monster manual, they really were creepy.

Talanic
2008-10-18, 11:01 PM
Except that dragons are the same way. Half-dragon is applied to more things than exist as half-X (where X = non-human race). Same for celestial or infernal or...

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-18, 11:02 PM
Dragons can shapeshift into rather attractive humanoid form, for that matter humans can change into dragons through spells, so there's enough hot hot perversity to go around. Not to be outdone in level of horror even if they loose numerically there exists Orc Owlbear hybrids.

Ravens_cry
2008-10-18, 11:09 PM
Dragons can shapeshift into rather attractive humanoid form, for that matter humans can change into dragons through spells, so there's enough hot hot perversity to go around. Not to be outdone in level of horror even if they loose numerically there exists Orc Owlbear hybrids.
Yeah, but orcs would form the beast with two backs with well. . .a beast with two backs.
Does that make it the beast with three backs?

Racism:It's Alright as Long as its Fantasy Racism.

The Glyphstone
2008-10-18, 11:36 PM
Dark-skinned underground dwelling races may always be evil, thus somewhat racist, but they're also (mostly) always more powerful. If you're not playing a spellcaster, Drow is far superior to any of the +0 LA elf subraces, particularly because of their SR. Duregar blow surface dwarves out of the water as the basis for a trip-monkey build, thanks to that delicious Expansion 1/day at your character level. Svirfneblin...alright, probably not worth a +3 LA, but they're still better mechanically than an ordinary gnome. Not that that's saying much. :)

Worira
2008-10-18, 11:51 PM
Huh? Drow are nowhere near worth their LA.

EvilElitest
2008-10-18, 11:52 PM
Huh? Drow are nowhere near worth their LA.

not as bad as hob goblins
from
EE

Kris Strife
2008-10-19, 02:07 AM
No body mentioned Rheks? theyre over weight, celestil rhinocerus people who have monk as a preffered class.

Dhavaer
2008-10-19, 02:51 AM
Well, I guess that is the problem. It really sends out a bad message to us minorities.

The light skinned elves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned elves = evil and bad.

The light skinned dwarves = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned dwarves = evil and bad.

The light skinned gnomes = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned gnomes = evil and bad.

Etc, etc.

Kinda a bad message to send. Especially to the younger ones of us.

Huh? Elves okay, but the good dwarves (hill dwarves) have mid- to dark-brown skin, whereas duergar are grey (not sure, but I think light grey). Gnomes are light- to mid-brown skin, and I'm not aware of a canonically evil gnome subrace.

newbDM
2008-10-19, 05:13 AM
Humans are the worst of that lot.
they get an extra feat for some reason. Otherwise no bonuses, no negatives, they are just boring.
Except that, they are the biggest horn dogs in the universe. Human having sex with orcs, human having sex with elves, human having sex with ogres, trolls, and kobalds! If its on two legs, and they can catch it, then Bobs your uncle. Or in this case, your father. And not always two legs either, take the the spawn of of a human and a DRAGON. Thats right, a DRAGON. Bigger then big ,scalier then scaly, and distinctly NON bipedal. Imagine that for a second, then grab the brain bleach. You will need it.
It's a good thing they took them out of the monster manual, they really were creepy.


Even worse, when I read the "If its on two legs, and they can catch it....." part I immediately thought of how a half-human/half-centaur would be stated, and how they would look...

Talk about needing brain bleach...

FoE
2008-10-19, 05:20 AM
Humans are the Asari of the fantasy world.

Personally, I'd be disappointed if I was playing a human character and I COULDN'T bugger anything that crossed my path. :smalltongue:

turkishproverb
2008-10-19, 05:24 AM
Humans are the worst of that lot.
they get an extra feat for some reason. Otherwise no bonuses, no negatives, they are just boring.
Except that, they are the biggest horn dogs in the universe. Human having sex with orcs, human having sex with elves, human having sex with ogres, trolls, and kobalds! If its on two legs, and they can catch it, then Bobs your uncle. Or in this case, your father. And not always two legs either, take the the spawn of of a human and a DRAGON. Thats right, a DRAGON. Bigger then big ,scalier then scaly, and distinctly NON bipedal. Imagine that for a second, then grab the brain bleach. You will need it.
It's a good thing they took them out of the monster manual, they really were creepy.


Humans are much less particular about who they dance with in fantasy. :smallsmile:

newbDM
2008-10-19, 05:28 AM
Humans are much less particular about who they dance with in fantasy. :smallsmile:

Dance? Who said anything about dancing?

Eldariel
2008-10-19, 05:28 AM
Humans are much less particular about who they dance with in fantasy. :smallsmile:

They aren't so particular about it in the real world either...

Anyways, at least Dragons usually use Alternate Form when Half-Dragons are born... Oh yeah, and Humans have a thing for Fiends and Celestials too..

newbDM
2008-10-19, 05:33 AM
They aren't so particular about it in the real world either...

Anyways, at least Dragons usually use Alternate Form when Half-Dragons are born... Oh yeah, and Humans have a thing for Fiends and Celestials too..

Actually, the Aasimar and Tiefling never said they were always, or even normally descended from Humans. The in the MM1 just happened to depict Human descended version each. You can easily use those stats for an Aasimar Dwarf, or a Tiefling Orc. All you would need to do for a small- or larger+ races is adjust their stats based on the changing sizes rules in the MM1.

FoE
2008-10-19, 05:34 AM
Dance? Who said anything about dancing?

It's a Doctor Who reference. "Dancing" is a euphemism for You Know What.

Rose Tyler: Are the words 'distract the guard' heading in my general direction?
The Doctor: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Rose Tyler: Don't worry. I can handle it.
Captain Jack Harkness: I've gotten to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up.
The Doctor: Relax. He's a fifty-first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to 'dancing'.
Rose Tyler: How flexible?
The Doctor: Well, by his time, you lot are spread out across half the galaxy.
Rose Tyler: Meaning?
The Doctor: So many species, so little time.
Rose Tyler: What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life and...
The Doctor: [nodding] Dance.

Yahzi
2008-10-19, 11:54 AM
The light skinned gnomes = good and beautiful.
The dark skinned gnomes = evil and bad.

Kinda a bad message to send. Especially to the younger ones of us.
It's also hard to avoid when you're mining the Nordic mythos for material.

The way I see it, it's just like smoking on TV. Used to be, everybody did it. For a while, nobody did it. Now you get shows like "Mad men" or "Life on Mars," where all the characters are smoking, because that's the way it was. Nobody's worried that kids will imitate those shows and smoke, because the smoking is clearly presented as part of what made those times suck so bad. In the same way, the simplistic equation of dark/bad is part of what makes D&D medieval.

Which is to say, as a DM, it's a trope just begging to be subverted.

Satyr
2008-10-19, 12:32 PM
It is not that blatant, even in the middle ages the equation dark = bad was not that generalised. The "others" were strange and where often despicted quite negatively, but not in the form of "always chaotic evil" and for a very long time, there was also a very strong fascination.
Racism is comparatively modern "philosophy".

Smeggedoff
2008-10-19, 12:43 PM
Huh? Elves okay, but the good dwarves (hill dwarves) have mid- to dark-brown skin, whereas duergar are grey (not sure, but I think light grey). Gnomes are light- to mid-brown skin, and I'm not aware of a canonically evil gnome subrace.

Svirfneblin :smallbiggrin:

Svethnika
2008-10-19, 01:02 PM
Julajimus.


I for one actually liked that monster and always wanted to use it as Dm but my campagins never lasted long enough to get to that CR level. I just like the story potential around it I suppose and imagine it would be horrifying for villagers. Potentially could be creepy if played right too.

The Rose Dragon
2008-10-19, 01:04 PM
Svirfneblin :smallbiggrin:

Aren't they more like True Neutral?

Suleman
2008-10-19, 01:50 PM
Aren't they more like True Neutral?

Yeah, Deep Gnomes are not evil. Heck, even Drizzt admired them.

Smeggedoff
2008-10-19, 02:18 PM
ah, my mistake. I never took that much interest in them beyond knowing their skin colour and how to pronounce the name

erikun
2008-10-19, 06:17 PM
Svirfneblin are grey and not evil, they just have an absurdly high LA and hide from everything else.

And what about Derro? Evil dwarves, and white as a sheet.

EvilElitest
2008-10-19, 06:25 PM
Svirfneblin are grey and not evil, they just have an absurdly high LA and hide from everything else.

And what about Derro? Evil dwarves, and white as a sheet.

well Duegar/grey dwarves are evil

But powies are normal colored
from
EE

Devils_Advocate
2008-10-20, 06:18 PM
Also, I'd throw in that anything 4.0 is kind of silly/kidish.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot that 4.0 is G rated for the kiddies.
Less trolling plz.


Huh? Elves okay, but the good dwarves (hill dwarves) have mid- to dark-brown skin, whereas duergar are grey (not sure, but I think light grey). Gnomes are light- to mid-brown skin, and I'm not aware of a canonically evil gnome subrace.
That's what the text says, but artwork seems to depict demihumans with Caucasian skin tones most of the time regardless. Of the iconic characters pictured in the PHB, it's the humans who aren't all fair-skinned. :smallconfused:

D&D artwork in general seems to have an on-and-off relationship with the actual text.

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-20, 06:34 PM
That's not trolling.

Callos_DeTerran
2008-10-20, 06:35 PM
3.5's stupidest monsters? Tippy wizards. :smalltongue:

More seriously? I dunno..I still stand by 'human wizard' but I suppose that Dragonne fit the bill too.

DM Raven
2008-10-20, 06:48 PM
I always thought the Cloaker was pretty dumb...that and the piercer.

Dhavaer
2008-10-20, 08:36 PM
That's what the text says, but artwork seems to depict demihumans with Caucasian skin tones most of the time regardless. Of the iconic characters pictured in the PHB, it's the humans who aren't all fair-skinned. :smallconfused:

D&D artwork in general seems to have an on-and-off relationship with the actual text.

Theory 1: The artists are 'tards.

Theory 2: No-one bothered giving the artists a description of what they were meant to illustrate.

Thurbane
2008-10-20, 08:39 PM
I never really had a problem with mimics, gas spores, cloakers etc etc.

Plenty of real world creatures use imitation of other species or objects as part of their defenses/attacks (harmless snakes that mimic the coloring of poisonous varieties, stick insects, stonefish etc.). I don't see why supernatural versions wouldn't evolve (or be created) in the highly magical worlds of D&D.

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-20, 11:41 PM
I never really had a problem with mimics, gas spores, cloakers etc etc.

Plenty of real world creatures use imitation of other species or objects as part of their defenses/attacks (harmless snakes that mimic the coloring of poisonous varieties, stick insects, stonefish etc.). I don't see why supernatural versions wouldn't evolve (or be created) in the highly magical worlds of D&D.

Are treasure chests really so ubiquitous that a species could evolve over time to resemble them so perfectly? And are there really enough adventurers stupid enough to support this species?

monty
2008-10-20, 11:44 PM
Are treasure chests really so ubiquitous that a species could evolve over time to resemble them so perfectly?

Real-life evolution has produced stranger things.


And are there really enough adventurers stupid enough to support this species?

You obviously don't know many adventurers.
"Treasure! Must have!"

FoE
2008-10-20, 11:46 PM
You obviously don't know many adventurers.
"Treasure! Must have!"

No adventurer can resist the lure of the shiny. :smalltongue:

Dhavaer
2008-10-20, 11:47 PM
Are treasure chests really so ubiquitous that a species could evolve over time to resemble them so perfectly?

3.5 mimics could imitate anything made of wood. Tables and chairs are pretty ubiquitous.

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-20, 11:51 PM
3.5 mimics could imitate anything made of wood. Tables and chairs are pretty ubiquitous.

Look! On yonder is a breathing chair in the middle of a dungeon path with nary a speck of dust!

Seriously, in a world without Kender I just don't see it happening.

Fax Celestis
2008-10-21, 09:38 AM
Look! On yonder is a breathing chair in the middle of a dungeon path with nary a speck of dust!

Seriously, in a world without Kender I just don't see it happening.

Oozes don't breathe, first off. Second off, who says it's a chair? I've had good luck and a healthy dose of surprise so far with mimics mimicking portcullises or doors.

Thane of Fife
2008-10-21, 09:51 AM
Are treasure chests really so ubiquitous that a species could evolve over time to resemble them so perfectly? And are there really enough adventurers stupid enough to support this species?

If it makes you happier, the 2nd Edition Monstrous Manual explicitly states that Mimics are "magically-created creatures" and were "originally created by wizards".

So a wizard did it.

Asbestos
2008-10-21, 10:33 AM
If it makes you happier, the 2nd Edition Monstrous Manual explicitly states that Mimics are "magically-created creatures" and were "originally created by wizards".

So a wizard did it.

Wizards are jerks.
Though, a man-eating treasure chest is probably a great way to discourage people from stealing your stuff.

JBento
2008-10-21, 10:57 AM
Look! On yonder is a breathing chair in the middle of a dungeon path with nary a speck of dust!

Seriously, in a world without Kender I just don't see it happening.

Nor can you see it happen in a world WITH kender, 'cause the buggers would just steal the chair...

Keld Denar
2008-10-21, 11:01 AM
Wizards are jerks.
Though, a man-eating treasure chest is probably a great way to discourage people from stealing your stuff.

If there is one thing I learned from Neverwinter Nights, its that all treasure chests should be opened remotely, perferably with a well placed fireball spell.

EDIT: OMG, I figured out the purpose of the Evocation school! IT IS USEFUL!

JBento
2008-10-21, 11:08 AM
If there is one thing I learned from Neverwinter Nights, its that all treasure chests should be opened remotely, perferably with a well placed fireball spell.

EDIT: OMG, I figured out the purpose of the Evocation school! IT IS USEFUL!

Actually, melf the elf's acid arrow is better for that, since acid bypasses hardness

And, guess what? It's conjuration. Yep, evoc still mostly sucks (though it does have contingency, web (why?) adn implosion)

Keld Denar
2008-10-21, 01:08 PM
And, guess what? It's conjuration. Yep, evoc still mostly sucks (though it does have contingency, web (why?) adn implosion)

Web is Conjouration, fyi.

Back to the topic of demographics of human(oid)s, and not saying I'm believing it, but do you think the devs made any consideration to the "qualifiers" when they made Ember the weakest class in the game? Not that they probably realized how bad monks sucked when they created them (provided there were no illicit substances involved), but given the trend with Drow and other such races, one might be able to draw a certain line that would paint the devs in a not-so-kind light.

And now back to your regularly scheduled monster bashing. How about the Thoqua? Given the 2nd law of thermodynamics, in which no energy transfer is ever 100% efficient, how is this guy able to generate enough heat from the rock he devours to be able to continue to burrow by devouring more rock? The BTU value of most stone is not high enough to sustain the temperatures required to promote incineration! You'd need some 2ndary fuel source. Maybe these guys act as a living conduit between the Prime and the Elemental Plane of Fire, because the physics just doesn't work out. And if they are, it MUST be possible to tap this conduit to provide infinite heat for the residential and industrial sectors....hmmmm.....

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-21, 01:28 PM
Oozes don't breathe, first off. Second off, who says it's a chair? I've had good luck and a healthy dose of surprise so far with mimics mimicking portcullises or doors.

Yeah that was meant to be humorous, sorry.

Blackfang108
2008-10-21, 01:55 PM
Wizards are jerks.
Though, a man-eating treasure chest is probably a great way to discourage people from stealing your stuff.

The Luggage, anyone?

Fax Celestis
2008-10-21, 02:33 PM
Yeah that was meant to be humorous, sorry.

The rest of your contributions to this thread haven't been, so I'm sorry if I wasn't able to pick up on your joke.

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-21, 02:50 PM
The rest of your contributions to this thread haven't been, so I'm sorry if I wasn't able to pick up on your joke.

I'd beg to differ, but I don't beg. Maybe if I'd have said it was gold and studded with rubies with a naked lady cradling a drink clearly not her first perched on top you'd have gotten it?

Fax Celestis
2008-10-21, 02:54 PM
I'd beg to differ, but I don't beg. Maybe if I'd have said it was gold and studded with rubies with a naked lady cradling a drink clearly not her first perched on top you'd have gotten it?

Probably not even then. I'm not exactly very perceptive when I'm sick.

AslanCross
2008-10-21, 06:04 PM
not as bad as hob goblins
from
EE

o_o Don't hobgoblins have LA+0?

Fax Celestis
2008-10-21, 06:09 PM
o_o Don't hobgoblins have LA+0?

They're LA +1, though damned if I know why.

Kami2awa
2008-10-21, 06:23 PM
i find the 4E drow back ground amusing

Basically, they are an entire race of dominatrix
from
EE

I hate to be a grammar Nazi, but it's dominatrices.

Actually, they are only this way if you interpret them this way. They have a female-dominated society mainly run by their priesthood. That doesn't necessarily translate to any innuendo at all.

PS: I do. :)

Weiser_Cain
2008-10-21, 07:33 PM
They're LA +1, though damned if I know why.

I think it's 'cause of the glider. /obscure?

Thurbane
2008-10-21, 07:40 PM
Are treasure chests really so ubiquitous that a species could evolve over time to resemble them so perfectly?
In the D&D world? Yep.

And are there really enough adventurers stupid enough to support this species?
Emphatically, yes! Nothing makes a red-blooded adventurer drool quite like a treasure chest! :smallbiggrin: