The Gary Stu Song!

[Lord Seth]

Or, "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major Gary Stu". I plan to use this in a story (a character decides to give writing advice "in song"; it makes more sense in context) but wanted to see what you thought of it in the meantime. Naturally, it's to the tune of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General".

I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.
No major what the situation is I know just what to do.
I have a lot of powers that I can pull straight out of a hat.
They don't even have to make any sense, I can tell you that.

I'm never wrong, I'm always right, I'm probably part elvish too,
But even as a human I am simply far too great for you.
I share the same name as the author in a blatant self-insert.
No matter what damage I take I always end up quite unhurt.

I'm stronger than the rest of them, the other characters are wimps.
It's like I'm Superman and they all must walk with some quite bad limps.
In other words, please don't use me, I urge you to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.

The author wishes he was me and ignores my flaws completely,
I'll kill in cold blood but he says it was done heroically.
In fanfiction I'm quite a plague but I can be in other works.
The other heroes love us but we Gary Stus are often jerks.

If someone likes me they are good if someone hates me they are bad.
The writer is incompetent but somehow thinks that they're quite rad.
I'm better at what I do than others who have trained their whole lives,
Quite able to fend off enemies with just a few kitchen knives.

My actions are exactly what the author has wanted to do,
Expect a lot of wish fulfillment just for them but not for you.
In other words, please don't use me, I urge you to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.

I learn skills in mere minutes that others have taken years to know,
The second that I pick one up I know how to fire a bow.
In fanfiction expect me to be some kind of long-lost brother.
There's many of us like that but someone always adds another.

My morals contradict, it's true, I'm vegan but I kill people.
I can't think of a rhyme here so I will just say the word steeple.
While characters with opposing views have nothing but bad passion,
Expect me to preach the author's views in an obvious fashion.

I'm always some kind of chosen one and no one else ever is,
I tend to score a lot of points on a Mary Sue litmus quiz.
I think my point has been made well, remember to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu!

I'll probably revise a few parts, but what do you think so far? (I probably need to standardize the commas and periods at the end of lines a bit more)

[Arioch]

I like it - it's funny. :smallbiggrin:
It seems to deviate from the metre occasionally, though...

[Cristo Meyers]

Yeah, but I think we can forgive breaking the metre a bit for this, because this is hilarious!

[Ivius]

It's funny enough to make me avoid naming a series that would send this thread spiraling into chaos.

[Lord Seth]

I like it - it's funny. :smallbiggrin:
It seems to deviate from the metre occasionally, though...Could you tell me where specifically, so I could try to fix it?

[Arioch]

Assuming a sixteen-beat line, which almost all of them are...


I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.
No major what the situation is I know just what to do.
I have a lot of powers that I can pull straight out of a hat.
They don't even have to make any sense, I can tell you that. (One too short)

I'm never wrong, I'm always right, I'm probably part elvish too,
But even as a human I am simply far too great for you.
I share the same name as the author in a blatant self-insert.
No matter what damage I take I always end up quite unhurt.

I'm stronger than the rest of them, the other characters are wimps.
It's like I'm Superman and they all must walk with some quite bad limps.
In other words, please don't use me, I urge you to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.

The author wishes he was me and ignores my flaws completely,
I'll kill in cold blood but he says it was done heroically. (This works if you pronounce "heroically" with four syllables, which is kinda wierd.)
In fanfiction I'm quite a plague but I can be in other works.
The other heroes love us but we Gary Stus are often jerks.

If someone likes me they are good if someone hates me they are bad.
The writer is incompetent but somehow thinks that they're quite rad.
I'm better at what I do than others who have trained their whole lives,
Quite able to fend off enemies with just a few kitchen knives.

My actions are exactly what the author has wanted to do,
Expect a lot of wish fulfillment just for them but not for you.
In other words, please don't use me, I urge you to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu.

I learn skills in mere minutes that others have taken years to know,
The second that I pick one up I know how to fire a bow. (one too short again)
In fanfiction expect me to be some kind of long-lost brother.
There's many of us like that but someone always adds another.

My morals contradict, it's true, I'm vegan but I kill people.
I can't think of a rhyme here so I will just say the word steeple.
While characters with opposing views have nothing but bad passion,
Expect me to preach the author's views in an obvious fashion.

I'm always some kind of chosen one and no one else ever is,
I tend to score a lot of points on a Mary Sue litmus quiz.
I think my point has been made well, remember to be wary too.
I am the very model of a modern major Gary Stu!

Turns out a lot of the problems I thought were there were just me automatically contracting in my head. :smalltongue: