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View Full Version : What's the corniest joke/pun you've ever told during a game?



kladams707
2008-10-15, 06:31 PM
For me, it was when an undead monk was trying to block our way, and someone said "Oh great, a fallen monk." To which I replied "I'm not so sure about fallen, but he's certainly been raised." At which time I was of course soundly beaten.

BizzaroStormy
2008-10-15, 06:38 PM
Well...I sat there repeating the word "corn" for around 5 minutes before I got slapped upside the head with a spell compendium.

Hal
2008-10-15, 06:42 PM
Our DM was trying to find a big enough mini to represent the triceratops he was about to bludgeon us with. For weeks he'd been threatening us with a purple worm mini he'd picked up. So, of course . . .

DM: "Dangit, I need something bigger than large! What should I do?"

Me: "Well, you can always whip out your gargantuan purple worm."

I swear, I've never seen such angry nerds.

Calinero
2008-10-15, 06:58 PM
I think that, just before we were going to fight some golems, I yelled something along the lines of "Let's get ready to ROCK!!!!" I was met with silence.

ocato
2008-10-15, 07:09 PM
In my pbp game, one of the players is a human shell that has been hollowed out and forcibly taken over by a demon's spirit. The character was doing something and I believe I said "You tear through X like a man possessed."

In PBP I can't hear the players groan. :smallbiggrin:

JaxGaret
2008-10-15, 07:14 PM
I was really on with the corny jokes/puns one session last month.

We were talking about calzone golems (a running joke in our gaming group), and I said that I wanted to play an Alfredo Wizard. I thought about that for a moment, then uttered this winner:

"Would that be a Fro Mage?"

He he.

The same day I asked this question (it's a FR campaign):

"What do you call a ceasefire agreement with our enemies? Shar Truce."

Yep, my wordplay was spot on that day.

LibraryOgre
2008-10-15, 07:25 PM
We have a dwarf paladin named Shela. She is frequently called She-Ra! Complete with mock-exclamation sounds.

We also have an elven ranger named Lucan. I kept singing "My name is Lucca", and everyone looked at me funny.

alchemyprime
2008-10-15, 07:42 PM
I had a goblin rickroll the players.

AceOfFools
2008-10-15, 08:20 PM
I once ran a game where NPCs with horrifically bad punish names was a deliberate feature, including:
Were-wolf twins named Spike and Rover.
Lucifer (meaning "light-bringer"), high priest of pelor.
Dawn, Lucifer's replacement.
The Chosen One (of that Vampire Lord prestige class in Libris Mortis) named Neo.
Itch, an unwashed orc druid, if you know what I mean.
Tyranus, head of the Slavers Guild, and BBEG.
An arch-fiend only ever called "Archie." It wasn't technically his name, but it was what even the NPCs called him.

The Innovation, so named because it's creators mistakenly believed it to be the first airship ever constructed. As the Innovation was the least advanced Airship in the setting being, you know, first generation.

The worst was probably the capital of the main human kingdom was Capitol Sity. That's not a typo, it was the Royally aproved spelling due to a cartagraphical error that kinda stuck.

Some players who were aware of this feature got in on it, most notably Brawn, the 1/2 orc barbarian.

turkishproverb
2008-10-15, 08:23 PM
For me, it was when an undead monk was trying to block our way, and someone said "Oh great, a fallen monk." To which I replied "I'm not so sure about fallen, but he's certainly been raised." At which time I was of course soundly beaten.

Not sure if its my single greatest moment o f RPing or the worst joke I've done during a game, But recently when my halfling Monk went to pray in the Temple, one of the things I commetned while the other players were doing what they did was overheard

"and Bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Sister, and the Big guy in armor who keeps people from hitting me..."

Xavion&Pavion
2008-10-15, 08:27 PM
In one of our campaigns, we had a character named Lucis. So one day, my character got mad at him, and according to the player, I had commited the mother of all sins. I called lucis, lucy. At first, he just spazzed out of control, then started to flail. then, I think he had a stroke and seizure at the same time.

Also, we used to have a guy named Scott in our group. So one day, I wanted to know what languages his character speaks. So he told me elvish and common. And I asked, "What, not scottish? They proceeded to boo me and shout that was the wost pun ever.

TheBlackDog
2008-10-15, 08:33 PM
The party I was a member of had been called to a large, wealthy farm to investigate... something. All we were told was that crops would not grow, animals were dying, and, generally, everything that could go wrong was.

We were greeted at the entrance to the farm by a man who introduced himself as Murphy, and told us that he was the proprietor of the farm. This led to the following exchange:

Me: "So, you said your name is Murphy, correct?"
Murphy: "Yes."
Me: "And you control what goes on at this farm? Basically, people obey what you tell them to do?
Murphy: "Yes, that's mostly true. Why are you so curious?"
Me: "Well, I've figured out your problem. This farm clearly operates under Murphy's Law!"

We all had a good laugh at that one.

Lemur
2008-10-15, 09:05 PM
I know I've posted this one before on these forums, maybe even more than once, but it's been a while. It's not even from a game I was in, but I like it so much I can't resist bringing it up when the opportunity arises.

This story comes from a campaign my brother was in. One of the three PCs decides to get some information about the next adventure by going to fortune teller. The gypsy gazes into her crystal ball, and bursts out in a shriek of terror, "It's abominable! Abonimable!" and runs from her tent screaming.

The party then sets out, going through several trials and adventures, and more or less forgets about the prediction, or they assume that one of their encounters was abominable enough to merit the prediction. While traveling one day though, they come across a field of cows. The cows are actually scattered on the road as well, and aren't really moving around much.

The same PC who had consulted the fortune teller so long ago is intrigued by this, but my brother and the third PC are suspicious by the cows' unnatural behavior, and decide to hang back. The curious PC though, walks up to one of the cows and pokes it.

A giant fireball is released, resulting in a painful scorching for the PC. While he stands around looking burnt and confused, the DM turns to him, with a huge grin on his face and says:

"It's A Bomb In A Bull"

Suzuro
2008-10-15, 09:06 PM
My old DM and our group used to have contests to see who could use the most pokemon puns.

"Please come out, I just want a...pikachu!"
"Wow! That party was a blast...oise"

Etcetera etcetera.


-Suzuro

7th lvl scrub
2008-10-15, 09:13 PM
I role-play my current 4e character with an Australian accent.

We had an encounter with some crocodiles...

I jumped on the one's back, did a grapple check, and wrapped a rope around its mouth.

After the encounter was over I shouted, "Crikey mate! That croc took me for a ride!"

23minds
2008-10-15, 09:14 PM
After fighting a kraken, the group bard and I went below decks to try and talk to my animal companion. Now, the rhino only has a two int, so the spell only worked partially. The rhino sniffed him, and stated "Funny man smells like pie."

"Pie? Really?" The bard asked. He thought it was just a lame word I pulled out of thin air.

Then, I finished the thought.

"OCTOpie."

Then the DM hit me and it all went dark.:smalltongue:

Ponce
2008-10-15, 09:15 PM
I played a cleric of Nerull with the lichloved feat.

DM: "The old man nods slowly then hobbles off, leaning on his walking stick heavily."
Cleric: "Be seeing you soon!" *wink*
DM: "..."

Enlong
2008-10-15, 09:32 PM
Well... I once put the PCs into "a maze of twisty little passages, all alike."

OracleofWuffing
2008-10-15, 09:34 PM
First campaign for me, second session, I think.

The DM sent our party out to kill three kobolds. After some unlucky dice rolls, we managed to kill two, while the third one ran away. The DMNPC commented on this by saying, "Well, one got away. I guess that kobold wasn't so bold after all."

...

Not to be outdone by this, next session we had to track down the One That Got Away, which fleed to some kobold village... Camp... Thing. While the battle itself was a laugh and a half, the next time we met up with that character, I had to challenge him to a riddle.

"How many kobolds does it take to light a torch?"
"...That doesn't make any sense. Kobolds have da-"
"None, 'cause we killed them all!"

Needless to say, this was all before I found out about Pun-Pun.

Also, my group still believes my First Character Biography Ever is the best/worst thing ever. Personally, I'm almost trying to get this character scrapped:


In a world where dragons are more than myths, one child, along with his combined twenty-five other brothers and sisters, learns what it means to be abandoned on an orphanage’s doorstep by his bastard of a dad and whore of a mom. That orphanage was in the cozy town of Chotte, and was specifically named “The Chotte Orphanum.” Chotte is not known for its high literacy rate.

In the dog-eat-dog world of The Chotte Orphanum, Ecks was able to maintain a bottomfeeder position among his brethren. The orphanage was not particularly wealthy, and adding twenty-six new mouths to feed did not help maintain food rations either. Ecks was considered the third-to-lastborn child of this subfamily, preceded immediately by his sister, Vea, and his brother, Dubbl’u, while preceding his two brothers, Wai and Zid.

As the hour of reckoning approached, that is, the point where the orphanage kicks out its old kids to the wild and parties for two weeks straight, the orphanage was burned to the ground by an epic wave of water elementals. The twenty-six survivors of the incident went their separate ways, leaving Ecks alone in the wild with little more than the clothes on his back.

With no other choice remaining, Ecks slept in the wilderness. In the fantastical dreamland, he was contacted by the Udrogothian god of overused punctuation, Quozmir, a giant green Naga-like individual known for his atrocious combover and flaming loogies. In these conversations, Ecks discovered common ground between him and the god, in that they both had little material possessions but sought more. Granted, Quozmir wants a planet where Ecks wants a house, but it’s the principle of the matter that’s important.

One hundred years later, Ecks de Chotte awoke, and took up odd jobs trying to make money and a living to satiate his wants.

Dr Bwaa
2008-10-15, 09:54 PM
Oh lord, I have tons of these. I don't know how to make other jokes.

I'll post again in maybe a day or so once I've compiled some, but i'll leave you with something one of my players does.

He is a druid, and, naturally, his favorite combat wildshape is (at present) Grizzly Bear.

DM: A blow is absorbed in your thick Grizzly fur.
Druid: Ah! He just bearly missed me!

DM: You're on the Elemental Plane of Fire.
Druid: This heat is unbearable!

etc etc etc. You have no idea how many of these I have heard :smalltongue:

EDIT:

hilarious backstory

That is awesome! :smallbiggrin:

infinitypanda
2008-10-15, 10:38 PM
Well... I once put the PCs into "a maze of twisty little passages, all alike."

I approve.

Lycan 01
2008-10-15, 11:50 PM
During my CoC Silent Hill campaign, I was having trouble getting a point across. Silent Hill shifts from reality to reality, going from foggy and empty to corroded, rusted, evil, and full of nasty little things.

Well, finally, in the most serious voice I could muster, I stated calmly: "Silent Hill has turned into Silent Hell."

I think I actually had a character sheet thrown at me. *facepalm*

Cheesegear
2008-10-16, 12:02 AM
We're in the forest, about to get attacked by werewolves, when our DMPC that was guiding us through suddenly started morphing into a werewolf too. We should've seen that coming. But, my character (a bard, no less), said;
Looks like things just got hairy.

Jokes
2008-10-16, 12:02 AM
Playing a 4e campaign converted from an older (1e or 2e) game.

DM: The diary is written in Halfling
Me: Halfling is a language?
DM explains the conversion.
Me: So is it like common, only shorter?

averagejoe
2008-10-16, 12:02 AM
During character creation I make a bunch of arm and feat puns. Stuff like:

You have a human rogue who dual wields, so you'll start off with two arms and two feats.

If you weren't human you'd only start out with one feat, so you wouldn't be able to walk so well.

If you were a monk you'd start out with two feats, but no arms. Luckily you can fight unarmed. I guess by kicking with your feats?

And so on, until my group loses patience.

Theodoriph
2008-10-16, 12:07 AM
This is a paraphrase, since I can't remember the exact wording...but the gist of it was:


Why do zombies appear so lifeless?

Because they're decoffinated.

BobVosh
2008-10-16, 01:12 AM
We were hunting down a ranger and were outside of the cottage with him inside of it. My friends went inside, and I killed his horse. We capture him, and he asked why we killed his horse. We asked how did he know?

His response: "I felt a disturbance in the horse."

Swordguy
2008-10-16, 02:10 AM
Shadowrun 3e, running the Blood in the Boardroom campaign setting (lots of multinational corporations start open war in the streets with each other). The PCs have just gotten back from getting caught in the middle of the opening salvos (and, in fact, having started them by putting a super-important McGuffin up for an open auction from several corp representatives - 8 different corps showed up with varying degrees of "hideous, crushing firepower').

Their big contact, an idiot savant goblin fixer (green, big ears, 3 feet tall, speech impediment) who knew practically everything and everybody, and where to get either is looking at them mournfully as they return.

"Rising, the darkness is. Begun, the Corp War has."



(In an unrelated note, the post-game pizza was cruelly withheld from the GM following the session.)

Danin
2008-10-16, 02:47 AM
I was testing out the Pathfinder system and decided I was going to play a Barbarian. We were playing in an Oriental Adventures campaign so I decided to hail from the mountains north west. To travel I used a horse, which I was very proficient using.

I decided that I would play a half Orc, a half blood from a tribe of half bloods and mongrels. I figured such a tribe would encounter much racism, so the Barbarian would set out to increase cultural sensitivity through spreading their culture and beliefs. The best way to do this I figured was through food of course! But what food would a mongrel eat? Probably a conglomeration of many things, vegetables, meat, grains. It made sense to me. As such, stir-fry seemed a logical choice. To spread this great food I decided I would use the money I gained from adventuring to train people in the cooking of stir fry and to open a chain stir fry houses.

Being that this was an Oriental campaign I decided to pick an appropriate name and title. I decided to call him The Indomitable Kwan.

Thats right. I played a roving Mongrel Barbarian who travels the land opening "Kwan's Mongerolian Grill" in every town we came across. :smallbiggrin:

Ravyn
2008-10-16, 02:40 PM
There was one game one of my friends ran, in which one of the other players had a dire badger companion that kept sort of popping up.

"You know, I'm going to make you track where that thing is," he told this player at one point after the badger's location was starting to defy logic. It's a bit too big for the "It was in my collar" familiar explanation, after all.

To which I grinned and piped up, "You mean you're going to make him witness the badger?"

I don't know what was worse, the pun or how long it took half the group to get it.

Calinero
2008-10-16, 03:36 PM
I'm afraid I don't get that one...

LibraryOgre
2008-10-16, 03:48 PM
I'm afraid I don't get that one...

Witness the badger.

Switch the order of the words.

Spreeth
2008-10-16, 04:36 PM
In a recent 4e module (I won't reveal which one, just in case there are others who are going to encounter this), there are a group of monsters called "Norkers". The players made their checks and thereby knew that the name of the monsters was "Norkers".

After laughing at the name for some time and fighting against the monsters, the party began to defeat them. However, a different type of "Norkers" were teleported into the room to attack the party.

Immediately, one of my players stated, "Oh look it's the New Norkers!"

To which I replied, "How do you know they are Norkers?"

He responded, "They aren't Norkers, they are New Norkers. They enjoy such things as Nork Nork jokes, and eating New Norker style cheesecake."

I couldn't control the Norker insanity that followed.

Hal
2008-10-16, 05:51 PM
This is awful, but the other night we pondered the existance of a new magic item, the Teabag of Holding. Don't ask me how we got there.

Basically, you open it up over your fallen foe, and, well . . .

Tokiko Mima
2008-10-16, 07:20 PM
I'm afraid I don't get that one...

Here's a visual for you, to help it make more sense. (http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=2783074)

monty
2008-10-16, 08:32 PM
Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!