A humorous game of 4ed Dnd

[TheLastMan]

Genosha was million times a million marvels, it was a nation nestled on all sides by the rough drunken embrace of the bosom of the ocean. Due to the unstable nature of the fabric of reality in this nation, caused primarily by the oddly high number of people able to screw with laws of physics as easily as one would intoxicate a dwarven infant, many people developed attributes and abilities of a supernatural nature seemingly at random, similar to those known as spell scarred but without a single mutagen.
Due to this unstable power base the political status of the country is at best sketchy, farther than the fact that a man like, possibly human, possibly animated meat cleaver, known as Magnus the Destroyer rules the country little else can be called solid fact, so most people file all other information on their ruling class as outdated crap in their home filing cabinets.
It has an extremely weak tourism industry due its ever changing nature and little heavy industry due to the uneasy political power base. This economic weakness leads to most non-humanoids or less civilly accepted races either to save their money in the finance institution known as Skull Crushers Goblin Bank or to hide it in their own subterranean abodes.
Sadly due to the sub-prime lending of the Goblin Bank and its subsidiaries an economic recession has taken place in the nation leading to most monsters stock piling their gold in their lairs.
This eventually led to the collapse of the Human banks under the foot of Skull Crushers Goblin Bank and poverty for all civilized races.
Goblins known for covering their own ass with whatever is at hand blamed their banks part in the recession on their Gnome accountants who were then almost wiped out over night.
The lack of any coherent economy or political system meant that the many powered and mutated citizens of Genosha and those trained in combat banded together into many adventuring companies that quickly flooded the economy with looted gold from once safe lairs and flooded the monster mortuaries with bodies.
The economy of Genosha now survives solely on the resource, technically, of the stupidity of monsters to still store their hard earned or stolen gold in dungeons. Goblins caring little about the morality of their situation send adventurers to collect money from nearby monster holds to help keep the remaining banks heads above water.

You of course care next to nothing about the hard ship of your nation. You have recently procured tickets aboard an airship upon which you located adventurers of equal moral ambiguity who care little about the reasons for monsters possessing the wealth of the nations gold in their caverns.
As you exit the airship port you come across a long winding street cutting in to the back alleys of the city like a cholesterol choked artery. A single sign stands beside the entrance 'welcome to Abrakor City, Now Gnome free, Population:' the magical population counter seemed to be stuck at 80085.
A row of hap hazard, bizarre and down right impossible shop fronts ran the length of the street on one side, on the other were restaurants that seemed closed this early in the day.
At the end of the street were it began to break up into many different alleys stood a ragged, broken down old building, like a giant shack that been dropped their by some angry god with very bad taste. The broken glass was boarded up with decrepit wooden planks.
As far as you are from it you can still read the sign that hangs limply over the door 'The Tavern, we're not very good with names but its a Tardis.'

What do you do?

[stupnick]

Krannin

The dwarf get's off the air ship, and looks around, down the street this way and that. Man!!! I have flying, I just will never get used to that. No matter how much they give you to drink, it never makes it any easier.

Your Telling me, I have to ride that ship with you. You think it's easy watching your drink all that ale, and then get rid of it just as quickly???

Watch it, I didn't have to bring you with me... you wanted to come. I was being nice.

Now let's see where did that tavern get off to... The Dwarf with in seconds of decending the Airship begins getting some strange looks from passerby's, talking to himself and all.

While Glancing around again Krannin finally see 'The Tavern' down the road, snickering to himself he proceeds to head that way. Now what was I doing here again? Oh yeah looking for a drink and some work. Possibly some people to take advantage of. Yes, let's try to find some interesting people that we can have some fun with. Didn't I just say that? It's like I am talking to a brick wall here... Learn to listen to me, How many times will I have to repeat myself about that

[Crucival]

Patterns everywhere, thinks Umbrus, staring out at the oddly organized retail district of Abrakor city. What, is there going to be a bulletin board in the Tavern marked "Quests here"? After all, studying the ways of the universe (albeit extreme shaky ways of the universe, since physical laws are sort of...conditional) tends to make one a bit genre savvy, at time.

He shakes his head, and heads toward the Tavern."The things I do in the quest for ultimate knowledge..."

As might be imagined, this draws a few stares. Umbrus is, after all, a Tiefling paladin in plate mail, as opposed to, say, a warlock or wizard. He pauses, swings his flail a few times, just watching the spiked ball orbit the handle before his eyes, and then heads inside.

[Randel]

Ondir

The watersoul Gensai clutches the railing a bit as she gets off the airship. Having spent so much of her life underwater, she's a bit wary of heights while on land... and being at that high altitude has left her shaken to say the least.

"Quite a way to travel, bit too high and dry for my taste but definatly get one moving." she says to herself, rubbing her head a bit at the sudden shift in environment. She gratefully getting back onto solid ground which is a more familiar element though she still looks around, almost desperatly lfor signs of a lake or even a water fountain to relax and get her bearings... but sees the tavern first.

"Actually... better to calm my nerves indoors. Easier to learn things there." She walks into the tavern, her sea legs giving her a bit of a wobble as she walks toward the bar and orders a bottle of rum.

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan Martook

Alvan is the last one remaining on the airship ten minutes after it has descended, having lost track of his surroundings while testing the reactions of his trail rations to prestidigitation. The pilot prods Alvan, gruffly warning him to get off the ship.

"B-beg pardon, sir," Alvan stammers. "I'll be going right away." Alvan hastily stuffs his experimental rations in his knapsack and departs, his bag hanging lopsided over his shoulder.

As Alvan steps into the boundaries of Abrakor, he notices the magical population counter increasing. "Fascinating," he muses. "I've gotta ask them how they do that some day."

Upon seeing the sign of the tavern, Alvan walks right in. He isn't very hungry, since he ate quite a bit of his trail rations as part of his experiment, but he decides that a tavern would be a good place to finish the ale experiment he didn't get to complete before he left Genosha Academy.

[Randel]

Ondir

Ondir orders her drink and sits down at a table, noticing the other people she had met on her journey on the airship. She notices Umbrus in particular, giving him a wave.

"Over here, I found an empty table for us." she notes his slightly reddish coloration and wonders if he may in fact be a fellow elemental of some sort.

[Crucival]

Umbrus catches Ondir's wave, and slides into a chair across from her.

"So, do we just wait here for jobs to find us, or is there some sort of...bulletin board for out-of-work adventurers?"

[stupnick]

Krannin

Walking into the bar, Krannin looks around finally reckonizing those that he saw on the ship sitting at a table. Walking over to them he stops short and stands there for a few seconds.


We were wondering if we could join you. I do know that we are looking for some work or something to do to make money as well.

Careful what you say, we don't know much about who they are yet. It's best to always let them do the talking

Yeah, I agree... So where do you all hail from? What exactly are you looking around here for, with all that sickness from the ship I didn't get to talk to you much.

Waitress a Drink please for our friends, 3 Ales' for them

After a few seconds of looking around Krannin stands up and almost trying to call attention to himself even more so....Helloooo..... We could use some drinks here as was said. 3 Ales please. Sitting back down he looks back the other two, Man I hate dealing with people. They just never seem to... and with that he wrings his hands into fists and hits the table... turning to wait for answers and more conversation from the other two at the table.

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan waves to the trio seated at the table, recognizing them from the flight.

Addressing Umbrus, Alvan comments, "I noticed that you are wearing the holy symbol of Ioun. That seems a strange choice of deity for one of the martial classes. I, too, happen to be a worshipper of Ioun. I wonder if we have any connection? Hey, weren't you one of the guards at Genosha Wizarding Academy?"

The wizard points his finger at his cup of ale and mutters an incantation. The ale churns and turns a violent shade of purple. Alvan takes a sip, and puts it down. Then he takes out his orb, a spherical blue crystal, and focuses it on the other cup of ale, which also turns purple. Sipping it, Alvan frowns, and hands it to Krannin. "I've heard you dwarves are supposed to be good at sampling ale. Can you tell me what this tastes like?"

[TheLastMan]

The group of adventurers scope out the room and notice something they feel they had been magically compelled not to before they sat down. The tavern was at least a dozen times larger than it was on the outside when you entered.
The Tavern's innards were only barely better kept than it's front and the massive domed sealing appeared to be pealing.
A handful of men, some possibly dwarves or simply fat, drunken men sat at a table shouting loudly a they gambled, while the other tables that were father away were filled with every manner of civilized creature but in the darkest of the ancient massive of place you could make out little detail.
Though something did catch your attention, some how, possibly due to the weak laws of physics in this already warped place you were able to make out a single mysterious loner in the corner that was serendipitously placed directly in your line of sight. He had no ale and seemed to be keeping his eyes focused on the floor. He was surrounded by a shroud of smoke, which makes even less likely that you should have noticed him, that was coming from an elven smoke machine he was failing to hide behind his foot.
A handful of groups around the bar seemed to eyeing the Stranger with hungry desperate looks. The Stranger seemed to be coughing on the smoke, in a very non-mysterious and genre staple defying way.

[Blue Ghost]

One of the first things Alvan had learned at the wizarding academy was that mysterious strangers in taverns are the best source of quests and therefore XP, especially when are surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke. Bearing this in mind, the young wizard stands up, adjusts his spectacles, and approaches the mysterious stranger.

"Good day, mysterious stranger. How may we be of service to you?"

[Randel]

Ondir

Ondir looks at The Stranger and notices his uncomfortable condition and the hungry glances the other patrons are giving him.

"I think we can best service him by getting him out of that... barbeque thing." she asks the others at the table. She gets up and approaches The Stranger.

She tries scooting the little smoke machine away from The Stranger so that its smoky power doesn't cook him and seal in his juices... or whatever it is that fire and smoke do in this surface world. If she can't scoot the device then she moves The Stranger to a somewhat saver position.

"Here you go, I think your life is in slightly less peril now than it was before... eh, anything else you need?" she looks at the other patrons to see if any try making hostile or carnivorous moves toward the poor man.

The places odd architecture seems unusual but shes sure its someone elses problem.

[TheLastMan]

The cloak is thrown off to reveal an angry Gnome on stilts annoyed at having been moved by only for his demeanor to calm when he realized it was the fault of the exact kind of person he had been looking for. 'It actually worked, that drunken idiot actually had a remotely smart idea. I can't believe you adventurers always go for the most shady guy in the room. So I need your help, which I guess you guessed even though my exclamation mark is in the shop. So you guys interested? I need a few goblins taken care of.

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan is somewhat confused when the stranger reveals himself to be a gnome. He distinctly remembers that the sign at the city gate stated that Abrakor City was gnome free. And gnomes, which had just a few months back been friendly, easygoing citizens, had somehow all become vicious, bloodthirsty monsters without explanation, along with a number of other cataclysmic changes to the laws of reality. Still...
"Goblins? Just say the word, dear gnome, and we are off. It will be an excellent chance to see how my studies at the academy will fare in the real world, as well as to gain some XP."

[Crucival]

"A gnome....ingenious! Small men have more power to shatter the fourth wall than the strongest of warriors... Umbrus murmurs to himself, watching the man pull off a big reveal.

"Goblins! Sounds sufficiently adventure-ish. But what are they doing so far away from their natural habitat?

[stupnick]

Krannin

Seeing the gnome reveal himself, Krannin jumps too..

Their, Their, Their Monsters now, Watch Out!!!!


Calm down, he's sending you to go kill something and claim more souls.

Ah yes... Blood and Souls, Souls and Blood. Nothing better.

Walking over towards the gnome slowly, unlike his friends, this dwarf doesn't seem rather trusting. So you got goblins for us to kill? What's in it for you? You mean, what's in it for us Oh that's right.... What's in it for us?

[TheLastMan]

'As you all probably know most of the Gnomes in Genosha were killed because of the goblins. Thing is not all of us were dumb enough to get caught, we're still dealing in the background. Problem with that is unless we get a foothold in the market were right royally screwed. We had a deal going with the Magnus' Red Guard. They're all WitchBreed like your friend here,' he said pointing at Ondir mistaking her for a magically mutated human 'we had a deal with them to supply a power enhancer but some Goblins came up with a more powerful replacement for our product. They had made a deal with a human named Durran in a place called New Attilan, so we can't can't get some ourselves because we can't risk leaving the country. What I need you to do is go to this group of goblins' headquarters and destroy them and there product before they can seal the deal. If were lucky the Red Guard will do the rest. It's that simple, even a Halfling could do it.'

[stupnick]

Krannin

What about what I asked? I mean helping you things is all well and good but I need something to line my pockets with.

[TheLastMan]

'I'll pay you handsomely and you may retain any treasure or incriminating documents you may find a long with getting you in contact with a few well paying friends of mine if you succeed.'

[stupnick]

Krannin

Thinking for a few moments, Krannin responds Sounds like a plan, so where are we going.

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan ponders the scenario for a moment. Destroying evil bloodthirsty monsters was one thing, but doing it solely for the gain of another evil bloodthirsty monster? He's not sure that that's the right thing to do. But then he remembers that he is supposed to be unaligned.
"Gold? XP? Goblins? I am in! Wait until the little fiends get a taste of my blades!" To accent his point, Alvan waves his hands, conjuring a swarm of daggers that whirl around for a couple seconds, completely shredding the gnome's table, before disappearing.

[Crucival]

"I'm in," says Umbrus. Though I can't guarantee I won't take a sample of their "product" for analysis. Who knows what we might learn from such a substance... he thinks to himself.

[Randel]

Ondir

Ondir blinks at the gnomes words but shrugs it off. She quickly looks around the room to see if any goblins were there in the bar.

"Okay, so we come into this tavern, drink some alcoholic beverages, then talk to the shadiest most absurd person in the room who points us in the direction of some people he knows who are ripe for being murdered and robbed... and then if we survive we head back here with sacks of loot and report a job well done and get paid hopefully?"

She gets out a notebook and jots this down for reference to her underwater kingdom.

"Well, if thats how things work then I guess you can count me in." she says, patting her sword. She looks at the rest of the taverns occupants to see if there are any other mysterious people who might point them towards a 'quest'. Maybe if they can get a few missions lined up they can get them done in quick succession to get XP faster.

"I just hope I can get to level 4 soon so I can finally see the crafting rules in action."

For a brief moment she wonders if she could save time by attacking the occupants of the tavern... but then remembers that she could get in trouble with that. Instead she just looks eager to get moving.

[stupnick]

Krannin

This sounds like alot of fun. hopefully we find some damn grubby dwarves to kill along the way.

[Blue Ghost]

"It is decided then! We shall depart immediately for the lair of the foul goblins, and put the diminutive cretins to the sword!" As Alvan speaks, he waves his arms in a dramatic manner, conjuring dancing sparks and drawing the attention of everyone in the bar. "Now, kind gnome, would you please give us directions to this goblin headquarters of which you speak?"

[TheLastMan]

"From what I know they recently bought out a human banking establishment not too far from here, their current residence from what I have been told is a converted system of old cavern vaults beyond the primary vaults and security systems. What I need you to do is enter this establishment, defeat any resistance, enter the most secure area of its chambers and defeat a hoard of WitchBreed while possibly having to avoid or fight off the city's law enforcement. I recommend you do it quickly before the building is sealed for the night." The Gnome told them with a serious look.
Motioning to the door for you to follow him if you have nothing else to say on the matter before you depart.

What do you do?

[Randel]

Ondir

Not wanting to waste time, Ondir nods and is ready to follow the gnome if the others have nothing to add. To be honest, the whole thing sounds fishier than Snively the were-eel insurance salesman she knew back home... but it looks like she might get a nice view of what surface dwellers do in combat and security... good things to know if her brethren ever decide to take control of the land (though from what she's seen its unlikely they would want to.).

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan thinks for a moment. "I propose that we delay the mission for a day or two while we research the nature of our enemies and make battle plans. It will not avail us if we are decimated due to lack of preparation. Knowledge is power, I say."

He looks around at his teammates, ducking his head and expecting to be pelted with rotten tomatoes for suggesting such a thing.

[stupnick]

Krannin

Krannin laughs at the fact that someone proposed to research our enemies. If we waste time researching they will likely build up defenses against us. The longer we wait, they stronger they will get.

[TheLastMan]

"So are you guys going now or not? Or do you feel like splitting up?" The Gnome seems to be slightly confused at the different views of the adventurers.

[Crucival]

"Let's go. We'll learn more by experiment than we will by observation."

He pauses, for a moment, glancing at the other adventurers.

"Also, we'll get gold faster."

[Randel]

Ondir

Ondir nods at this and heads out to get the job done.

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan shrugs helplessly. "All right, if you want us to go in unprepared and be massacred by the diminutive cretins, I shall go and die with you. But don't say I didn't warn you!"

[TheLastMan]

"Then follow me!" With a wave of the Gnome's hand in the direction of the door he was off with out so much as a glance back at the adventurers.
You follow, through the winding streets and the overarching tenant houses that seem to hang on the bring of collapse their looming shadow casting you in a half light as you race to keep up with the Gnome, avoiding the over flow from the slop filled trenches in the side of the streets that passed for a waste disposal system in this city.
After passing through a side street that smelled distinctly like the innards of decomposing Lich you race into area that seems to be flooded with sunlight compared to where you came from. A large cobblestone market place with stalls that looked like multistory tents with their innards exposed stood like middle fingers to the law of gravity. They seemed to stand with no support or care for the base laws of physics with little or nothing made of anything more substantial than cloth. The tallest seemed about a hundred foot tall but this could be simply a case of the narrator exaggerating his voice over as you notice the only stone building in the area.
The Almost, not quite, but still pretty close to secure banking inc. headquarters building seemed to cast no shadow. The front seemed to have bricks of impossible symmetry broken only by the bank's sign, windows and it's revolving door.
A dwarf in a bowler hat and a suit stands with a forced smile at the entrance. Before you enter the Gnome recommends that you decide on a plan to access the area in which the goblins reside which is currently fronted by the bank proper. He recommends a bank hold up or some stealthy idea. He snorts at his own mention of stealth as it is not exactly his style. The mysterious stranger bit was a bit out of character for him.

What do you do?

[stupnick]

Krannin

Looking at the gnome, he has a strange look on his face. Rob the bank? Why are we robbing the bank?

Because it's fun.

Well it could be fun, But is there a purpose?

[Blue Ghost]

Alvan casts his glances at the other party members. "Are you sure you trust this gnome?" he whispers, out of the gnome's hearing. "How do we know he is not just using us to pull off a robbery? Fortunately, I prepared my sleep today. If we are going to break it, I believe such a spell would prove helpful. If we are going to turn on the gnome, I believe that a sleeping gnome would be easier to deal with than a wakeful one."

[TheLastMan]

"A robbery is the only way to get past the main security without alerting the Goblins to your intent before one of you can deactivate the security on the main door to the Goblin catacombs. If the Goblins think you're coming for them they'll take what gold they can and run, if they think you're coming for their money they'll stay till death if they have to. It's just a distraction you don't need to really steal any money." The answered cautiously "it's just an Idea."

[TheLastMan]

"I don't care, maybe just ask nicely to see the boss JUST GET IN THERE! I don't have all day, GOD! Adventures!" You can tell the Gnome is becoming impatient and the doorman for the bank is looking at you with suspicion.

WHAT DO YOU DO?