AMEN XXVIII: The Melancholy of Haruki

[PirateMonk]

Welcome to AMEN


http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll190/Haruki-san/AMENMainBanner.png



The AMEN Wiki (http://amenrebirth.wikidot.com/)
The AMEN Forum (http://tinyurl.com/3bypg7)

Previous Threads:

Evil Inc. Do-gooders beware! - Psyke_D [Thread Auto-pruned]
AMEN, Godmodding and Good Hating since, well, the last thread. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34553) - Rex Idiotarum
AMEN III: Revenge of the Munchkins (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=36535) - Rex Idiotarum
AMEN IV: Return of the Pogo (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37474) - Rex Idiotarum
AMEN V: Rise of the Magtoks/Maggots (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38748) - Rex Idiotarum
AMEN VI: The Secret of Saurous Rock (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=40045) - Lord Magtok
AMEN 007: Casino Ratavo - Saurous [Thread mysteriously missing]
AMEN VIII: The REAL one! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43207) - Fus.Weapon 1337
Amen IX: They just wouldn't stay away! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44832) - Korith
AMEN X: Call of Moonthulu (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46716) - Castaras
AMEN XI: Raiders of the Lost Pie (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48523) - PirateMonk
AMEN XII: Now pretty much equivalent to Final Fantasy! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50599) - Castaras
Amen XIII: Thread 1408 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51830) - Vespe Ratavo
AMEN XIV: A Growing Industry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53464) - PirateMonk
AMEN XV: Up to Eleven Days a Week (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3090418)- Vespe Ratavo.
AMEN XVI: Sanity's Requiem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=56619) - PirateMonk
AMEN XVII: <insert witty title here> (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60488) - Castaras
AMEN XVIII: Idiocracy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=64866) - PirateMonk
AMEN XIX: Now Slightly Older Than Your Average Goldfish (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3701495) - Raistlin
AMEN XX: Welcome, Here's Your Accordion (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68679) - Vael
AMEN XXI: All that is Necessary for Evil to Succeed is that Good Men do Nothing (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=71332) - Magtok
AMEN XXII: WARNING - Contents may Cause Insomnia, Nausea, Nightmares and Psychosis (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75348) - Uncle Festy
AMEN XXIII: For ever Action, there is an Evil and Opposite Reaction (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=4253266) - Haruki-kun
AMEN XXIV: The √of all evil (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82319)- Shas'aia Toriia
AMEN XXV: I Am AMEN (And So Can You!) (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86172&page=49)-Saurous
AMEN XXVI: Attack of the Klones (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90000) -Lord Vader
AMEN XXVII: You All Saw It, the Orphanage Attacked Us (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92547)- Goblin Music
AMEN Trophy Case:

http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u130/Castaras/TrophyShelf.png


Want to join? Simple::


Wander aimlessly in.
Avoid the random AMENites/HALOers who will attempt to kill you.
Poke one of the current members until they hand you the paperwork.
If the aforementioned current member you poke kills you rather than hands you the paperwork, then you didn't pay attention to step 2. Repeat steps 2 & 3.
Sign the mountain of paperwork, preferably in your own blood, although anyone's blood will do.
Prepare to have had your non-existent soul to have been sold to whoever gave you the legalese our leader-by-default, Lord Walrus the AMEN soul bank for the goodly disinclined.
Congratulations! You're now an official AMENite! Do random stuff! Kill people! Make things asplode, explode, and resplode!


And if you're just visiting, then please do not leave muddy footprints in the base. Also, please try to avoid bleeding all over the furniture. All those who visit should be aware that AMEN take no responsibility whatsoever for any torture/evil practices/soul stealing/spontaneous combustion/death that may occur to the individual visiting. Srsly.

Disclaimer:

AMEN is in a different reality than The Town. It is not a part of The Town, does not cross over into it, and does not follow its rules.

[Phase]

Damn, I missed my chance by one post. All well...

[Darkcomet]

Well, I still need someone to play the Giant Enemy Mecha.

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki suddenly goes hyperactive.

"ohmahgawdohmahgawdohmahgawdohmahgawd!!! I had a thread named after me??? AWESOME!!!! O.O" The Angel celebrates this by taking a pie from the freezer, which probably had been there for a very long time and throwing it at whoever is closest to him.

Emphasis on the fact that this is a PIE.

[Darkcomet]

The pie flies back at Haruki's face.

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki ducks and lets the pie fly at someone other than DC.

[PirateMonk]

PM gets hit in the face with the pie. "Auuuugh! It burns! Get it off!"

[Haruki-kun]

"I'll save you! I'll save you!"

Haruki runs to get a high-pressure hose and blasts the quarterling out the window with it.

[Darkcomet]

Meanwhile during all this pie madness, the enemy mecha FIRED ITS LAZOR. This may induce LAZOR in Haruki.

[Raiser Blade]

Trogdor suddenly appears in a lab coat and very scientific glasses.


Did someone say PI?

http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o145/ddrfr33k/Demotivators/Pi.jpg

[Haruki-kun]

"Fool! You can't induce the Lazor! that would imply--"

"IMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!!!"

*shoop da whoop*

*straight at DarkComet*

*takes a moment to explain that Lazors are not matter, hence cannot be deflected by Telekinesis*

[Darkcomet]

*takes a moment to explain the properties of Laser vs. Lightsaber, which he obtained at K-Corp*

DC deflects the lazor. Your choice as to where it goes.

[sheepofoblivion]

ah! a lazor!

sheep in incinerated.

((in other news...: Yay new thread!))

[Lex-Kat]

The Onion appears and flies straight at the back of DarkComet's head. It splats, and turns into sausage flavored goop.

[Darkcomet]

It is thrown back at the incinerated remains of Sheep, which are used to bury the Onion.

[PirateMonk]

"Fools! You have allowed me to start more threads than the Mad Pogoer himself! I am unstoppable now!"

v Check the index.

[sheepofoblivion]

...how many threads have you started?

[Darkcomet]

Why is it that normally powerless objects have decided to deface my head!?

[Saurous]

"Fools! You have allowed me to start more threads than the Mad Pogoer himself! I am unstoppable now!"

SP pauses for a moment.

"Dammit. I soooo wanna comment on this, but it seems more like Saur territory, and I think I've already spent all the uses on his 'Come back for a few minutes for free' card."

[PirateMonk]

PM casts Summon Sarcastic Necromancer.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Suddenly Fullbladder grabs DC's shoulder from behind and sticks his head up beside the psion's.

"Because they like you, I guess. Hey, you've got a giant robot! We should fight!"

He bounces off to the side and painfully rips out his soul with a spark extractor. The red orb that it is immediately zooms down the corridor and out of the base.

[sheepofoblivion]

AAAHHHH!!! sheep quickly casts greater dispel magic to counter it.

[Darkcomet]

DC waits to see what Fullbladder's thing will do.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

There is a horrific rumble. And then a house smashes against the base/robot/whatever.

A mountain rises upon four massive stone stubs and lurches, crab-like, toward DC's machine. A pair of smaller mountains, shaped into claws, are attached to the sides. Erosion and quick avalanches have given the mountain a face, and subsequent avalanches allow modification of expression.

[Darkcomet]

Fullbladder? Is that you?

[sheepofoblivion]

sheep takes out a grenade launcher and blasts fullbladders face open. You are now no longer capable of making faces.

[Saurous]

Saurous pops up. He doesn't waste any time, ripping into PM immediately.

"Congratulations. You've posted more times than an emo hermaphrodite/transsexual on a pogo stick with HPD who managed to 'rule' over AMEN for a period of time because no one really wanted to deal with him/her. You should feel so proud, stooping down to his/her/I-really-don't-give-a-rats-ass-about-Rex's-gender's level. Whoop-dee-****ing-doo."

Saurous then slashes Sheep across the throat, and disappears again when the spell wears off.

[Haruki-kun]

Why is it that normally powerless objects have decided to deface my head!?

"Mostly because you keep deflecting them. Kinda like when you find out someone keeps healing or regenerating so you keep hurting him to see it happen."


SP pauses for a moment.

"Dammit. I soooo wanna comment on this, but it seems more like Saur territory, and I think I've already spent all the uses on his 'Come back for a few minutes for free' card."

"Then why not come back permanently for a fee? We'll give you a discount."

[PirateMonk]

Saurous pops up. He doesn't waste any time, ripping into PM immediately.

"Congratulations. You've posted more times than an emo hermaphrodite/transsexual on a pogo stick with HPD who managed to 'rule' over AMEN for a period of time because no one really wanted to deal with him/her. You should feel so proud, stooping down to his/her/I-really-don't-give-a-rats-ass-about-Rex's-gender's level. Whoop-dee-****ing-doo."

"Yes. Yes I have."

[Lex-Kat]

Saurous pops up. He doesn't waste any time, ripping into PM immediately.

"Congratulations. You've posted more times than an emo hermaphrodite/transsexual on a pogo stick with HPD who managed to 'rule' over AMEN for a period of time because no one really wanted to deal with him/her. You should feel so proud, stooping down to his/her/I-really-don't-give-a-rats-ass-about-Rex's-gender's level. Whoop-dee-****ing-doo."

Saurous then slashes Sheep across the throat, and disappears again when the spell wears off.

((Ouch. I sense some anger in that post. Or was it just me.))

Oh well. Another Onion flies at DCs head. This one has a telekinetic shielding. It connects and splatters tomato juice all over him. :smalltongue:

[Darkcomet]

The new Onion is lightsaber'd.

Laser drones come out and immediately terminate all onions.

[Coplantor]

Coplantor is dancing to the rythm of disco inferno, the most evil rythm the 70's got to offer, if anyone feels like joining, they just have to go to the all new discoteche that AMEN's base now has.

[Lex-Kat]

Darkcomet is still gooped as the tomato juice flies out of The Onion, after being lazor-sworded.

A new The Onion joins Coplanter at the discoteche.

[Darkcomet]

But not nearly as much! :smallwink:

[Coplantor]

Oooh, yeah... groooovey. I need a pair of guns for my gun disco dancing, maybe fullbladdr can help me with that...

Yeah, ooooh, aha aha aha.

[Ashen Lilies]

A K-Corp drone comes in and confiscates the lightsaber.
Force adepts only dumbass.

[Darkcomet]

Hey! That would be mine.

It flies back to DC's hand.

Heh.:smallamused:

[Boo]

Benny catches it in midair, and turns it on. He swings it about making unnecessary lightsaber sound effects.

[Darkcomet]

It is ripped out of Benny's hand.

As I said. Mine.

[Coplantor]

Mage hand! Woooooow, mine now! And keeping it funky!

[Darkcomet]

It flies back to DC, and Coplantor is shot by a laser drone.

Is still mine.

[Boo]

Before DC can rip it from Benny, he welded the on button so it would be permanently activated. Why? I dunno, he's a kid. Also, Benny remembers the Magbox is still out in the open and jumps into it, closing the lid over him. "MINE!"

[Darkcomet]

The lightsaber emits a beeping sound and asplodes.

I warned you.

[Boo]

It flies back to DC, and Coplantor is shot by a laser drone.

Is still mine.

The lightsaber emits a beeping sound and asplodes.

I warned you.

Ha! I have trapped you in a quote! You are asploded by your (HK's) lightsaber! I said Benny did this before it was ripped from his hand, so you were flinging about an activated lightsaber. *thumbs up to Coplantor* Our plan worked perfectly!

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

The mountain punches the base, specifically the part with Coplantor in it.

"Yes it's me, dammit. Sorry I took so long. I don't get to have time to say 'deadtime' when someone else wants the computer. I need to get my own."

The mountain spews molten lava out of it's formerly frosted peak at the MechAMEN.

[Darkcomet]

DC hits a "retcon" button and the lightsaber, normal, appears in his hand.

Let's do this.

MechAMEN dodges the lava and fires a Macross Missile Massacre at Mt. Fullbladder.

[Ashen Lilies]

Armored Dolphins jump up, blocking the missiles.

[Darkcomet]

Oh, what the hell!?

He fires the lazor at Mt. Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

That's Mt. St. Fullbladder to you!

The mountain gets most of the missiles with a sweeping claw gesture. Sure, the claw is badly shredded, but now there's magma pouring from it's fist! The rest cause several small avalanches a couple new caves.

It attempts a mighty punch.

[Darkcomet]

The AI breaks the mute.

I am back.

What the-

The AI makes MechAMEN do a Falcon Punch to block Mt. St. Fullbladder's attack.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"YOU'VE BEEN LEARNING!"

The mountain shakes what's left of it's fist (it looks like it's pointing an index finger) in a way that would be usually be accompanied by 'tsk tsk tsk'.

The mountain drops, sweeping a pair of legs at the MechAMEN's lower limbs.

[Darkcomet]

MechAMEN jumps to dodge and attempts to Falcon Punch Mt. St. Fullbladder.

[Boo]

"You're too slow!"

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

The mountain shatters.

Rocks fall, people below him die. A shockwave rolls out, devestating thousands. The avalanches, earthquakes, and spilt lava demolish vast swaths of terrain, and a few nuclear waste dumps within the mountain that are suddenly exposed make sure that the land is uninhabitable. Fullbladder's body count skyrockets. DC's gains one.

A vaguely humanoid shape made out of magma floats idly where the core used to be.

"That all you got?!"

[Darkcomet]

No.

What are you doing?! I said ion cannon!

The AI-MechAMEN fires a ray of cold at the magma.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Oh hell."

A column shoots downwards from the figures toes. It separates just before the ray hits.

A very nice stone statue shatters as it hits the ground. A pool of lava seeps into the soil.

[Darkcomet]

Die.

MechAMEN fires more rays of cold.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

The soil freezes. The spark of life manages to get its lava down far enough to jump from it to tiny life form, and from there to other tiny life forms, ever downwards. Then it gathers up some soil an rocks and waits.

[Boo]

A giant mechanical foot crushes the mechAMEN. A booming voice comes from a mechanical robot of much greater size than AMEN. "Bloody hell, I said stop that!" It then walks away.

Benny peers out of his box to see what the sound was, and then hides back in it. "Siwies got cwushed!"

[Darkcomet]

Just before the foot crashes, DC hits the reset. Everyone is back to normal and the base is back in the valcano. Also, it is still not a golem.

[Boo]

The foot is outside the base, so it's not reset. :smalltongue: Also, don't abuse that button.

[sheepofoblivion]

gasp! a foot!

[Goblin Music]

Gasp! gasp!! Gasp! GASP! <.< >.> DIE MEAT BAG!!

[Phase]

Phase pokes his head out of his room.

"Well it's about time! Bloody giant robots shaking the damn base, grumble..."

[happyturtle]

http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff127/tetrabinary/Two/cats/cat_skittles.jpg

[Coplantor]

Hey, be quiet! My egg is sleeping!

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"YOU GUYS DONE GASPING YET!?" Fullbladder shouts as he wanders through the room, just to be an ass.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Gasp! Its fullbladder!

[Boo]

Benny shoots a syringe at Fullbladders head. It doesn't do anything since its contents would have to be squeezed out with the plunger of the syringe. If someone does happen to squeeze it, then Fullbladder will suddenly find himself with a terrible flesh eating disease.

[Goblin Music]

GM grabs the syringe and vanishes.

[Atomsized]

*Yawn*

Oh, new thread, how great. And also:

*Gasp*

[Boo]

The syringe that GM grabbed explodes.

EDIT: Right, spelling error.

[Haruki-kun]

To syringe that GM grabbed explodes.

"Ohmaigawd! Why did the syringe a splode?"

[sheepofoblivion]

because it's amen.

[Inigo Montoya]

Inigo appears in AMEN. Somehow.

[Darkcomet]

DC smacks Haruki with this (http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t288/Vaarsuvius89/AMENMotivation.jpg).

[sheepofoblivion]

sheep eats a pie, and offers some to DC.

[Haruki-kun]

DC smacks Haruki with this (http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t288/Vaarsuvius89/AMENMotivation.jpg).

"I asked 'why', not how!!!"

The Angel turns to look at the newcomer. "...hey... don't I know you? Hey! You're that guy! From back over there! It's been a while, hasn't it?"

[Inigo Montoya]

Oh yeah...What's up?

[Atomsized]

Inigo...i've heard about you somewhere. I just need to remember where. Oh well.

*Breaks out into the pokemon theme song*

[Coplantor]

Coplantor lowers today newspaper and shouts:
Hey, guys! Be quiet I said! Im trying to be a good dad/mom/yoshi here!

[Uncle Festy]

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I've missed absolutely nothing of significance here.
… also, gasp! It's people gasping!"

[Shas aia Toriia]

Inigo! :smallbiggrin:

Tackle hug.

[Coplantor]

Yay! It's Festy! Hey Uncle, do you want to help me incubating?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I could help, Coplantor," Fullbladder offers, appearing out of the floor blackened and grinning, a very large (and faulty) flamethrower strapped to his upper body. He pulls a pair of triggers, turing the air directly above and in front of him into a world of fire. Flame esacpes several other parts of the machine, too.

Maybe this is what he uses to shave.

[Darkcomet]

DC moves a bit away from Fullbladder, knowing very well what he has on him.

[Coplantor]

Well, my mom always said: "If the rock hits you in the face then sell ducks till you can pay for the salad knife". Of course, mother was crazy so, lets check if that flame thrower does any good to my son/daughter

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fire, or soot? Maybe gasoline, I've got some of that on me. Or are you tempting fate?

[Darkcomet]

DC starts whistling innocently in Fullbladder's direction.

[Coplantor]

Fire, or soot? Maybe gasoline, I've got some of that on me. Or are you tempting fate?

Surprise me.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I was actually talking to DC at the time, Coplantor. Sorry, didn't realize you had ninjaed me.

Fullbladder turns the flamethrower upon the little egg. Burn, egg, burn. Burn for the colony. Burn for every little egg that has ever avoided being cooked.

The egg turns red amongst the flame and smoke, and bubbles begin to form on its surface. I appears Fullbladder is boiling its shell. Let's see what hapens!

[Darkcomet]

You'll never guess who I met...

[Coplantor]

You'll never guess who I met...

American president Jimmy Caeter on a pirate pijama?

And Fullbladder, remember, just scare him enough to make him born, dont kill him.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

The flame putters out.

"Hmm?" Fullbladder looks back at them through suddenly-appearing aviator's goggles. He seems to stare directly at Darkcomet for all of ten seconds. Then he sighs and slumps. "You're no fun, CP."

The egg quickly begins to cool and turn black.

[Darkcomet]

I met you, Fullbladder. Only not.

[happyturtle]

As soon as the flaming stops, Decker runs out of a portal and huggles Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Touchy equipment! Touchy equi--!"

Something in the back of the device explodes. Fullbladder sighs and huggles Decker in return.

"You crazy, DC."

[Darkcomet]

He also told me you had his crossbow.

[Coplantor]

Yeap, It will hatch soon. Do you guys think we should throw a baby shower?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"So I told you that I have a crossbow belonging to me. Sounds perfectly rational, man. You surprise me. Or maybe it's not me being surprised at all! Maybe it's a me who isn't me!"

Fullbladder begins to laugh. Then he suddenly becomes serious and finger-draws a circle in the air around his ear.

((You do not want to go there, DC. It would cause a monster hunt.))

[happyturtle]

Decker kisses Fullbladder on the cheek, then curls up next to him and goes to sleep. For once, actually sleeping in her teenage girl shape instead of the swan form.

[Darkcomet]

Heh heh...

[Coplantor]

Well, I guess I should choose his/her godparents now.

[Darkcomet]

DC looks at Fullbladder.

Well, let's see it then.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Er, right?"

He disappears into the floor. Soon a sign appears. It reads 'Wut am I lukin 4 man'

[Darkcomet]

So very, very clueless...

[Goblin Music]

Damn! i will be prepared nextime! GM watches the madness.

[Haruki-kun]

Haruki grabs a bag of chips, leans on the doorway, and watc the whole scene, occassionally making sarcastic or clichéd comments about it. He takes a potato chip... AND EATS IT!!! :smalleek:

[Atomsized]

That's not eating it! This! Is! Eating! It!

Atomsized takes a chip out of the bag, then this plays (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kklly88V1g) takes his first bite veeerrrrry slowly. Then Atomsized slowly shoves the chip in his mouth without moisting it, then crunches it in his molars. He chews it epicly with flair.

Let's see anyone do better than that :smallamused:

[Haruki-kun]

Chuck Norris walks into the base, eats a Potato Chip in the most Epic Manner possible, then proceeds to roundhouse kick Atomsized all the way to Norway.

"I invented Epic Potato Chip eating!" he says.

Then he disappears.

"Well, that was odd."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder follows after Chuck, strumming on a banjo and singing.

"Oh lord, it's hard to be humble,
When in yer perfect in every w--!"

Fullbladder appears sometime later, after coming back from beyond the grave.

"Remind me never to do that again."

[Uncle Festy]

Yeap, It will hatch soon. Do you guys think we should throw a baby shower?

"No, but I think we should throw a baby… out the window!
Defenestration FTW!"

[Atomsized]

A faint sound can be heard in the distance.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!!!

Atomsized crashes through the wall of the base.

[sheepofoblivion]

sheep looks at atomsized, and decides not to comment on it, lest he be mauled by the forces of oblivion...

[Coplantor]

"No, but I think we should throw a baby… out the window!
Defenestration FTW!"

Well, isnt that what a baby shower is? To make a rain of babies?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Deep within the catacombs below AMEN (but above AMEN's sub basements), something lurks.

Well no, that's a lie. Fullbladder isn't lurking, he's stalking. And he's not even doing that well. He is, in fact, wandering around, spinning a shotgun like a baton and slowly singing 'The Teddy Bear's Picnic'. He seems to be looking for something.

His hat seems to point at it being a monster hunt. Zombies, bemused walruses, and even a few more exciting monstrosities watch him as he marches his goblinny way through their midst.

[Darkcomet]

((Is this where you say "I warned you"?))

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

If you come into the base tonight, you're sure of no surprise.
If you come into the base tonight, you'd best arrive in disguise.

...

Yeah, pretty much.

[Darkcomet]

A laser turret very quickly lowers from the ceiling in front of Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Today's the day--"

The laser turret gets royally shot to hell. It dies. The turret is dead. It is an ex-turret. It cannot shoot, for it has been shot in such a way as to kill it.

"--the teddy bears have--"

Fullbladder begins climbing the stairs up into the main areas of the base.

"--their piiiiiiiicnic...."

[Darkcomet]

More turrets surround Fullbladder.

Freeze, goblinoid.

The AI is back. But we knew that already.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Goblinoid?! I am offended!"

Fullbladder punches his chest.

"This, sir, is the finest of human Mongol specimens! Bitterly bred for a harsh life on the steppes, this body is designed to be the ultimate of humanity's organic killing machines!"

He rips open his shirt, and the resulting blast of barbarian aura destroys the turrets, and part of a wall. It's not meant to make sense, and yet is works.

Fullbladder takes the rest of the stair four at a time.

[Darkcomet]

That was unexpected. Well done. You may pass.

((From now on, the AI will continue to test Fullbladder.))

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder uses his shoulder to get through the door at the top of the stairs.

"You think you can stop me, machine? I know where you keep your central processor!"

He shakes a shotgun-toting fist at the ceiling, and begins to stalk down the hall.

[Darkcomet]

I said you could pass. I have moved, by the way.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Of course you did. I was in fightin' words mode. And I know where you are now, too. Never forget that!"

At this, Fullbladder speeds up, just in case. He's not far from his target, I would expect.

[Darkcomet]

Where are you going, anyhow?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"I'm going to--"

The camera zooms in on Fullbladder's face (and also his fist is visible) as the screen darkens and the lighting changes to resemble a flashlight pointed up at the bottom of hsi face. His eyes also narrow, to help set the mood, you understand.

"--kill Darkcomet."

[Darkcomet]

Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. In your own words,

This is AMEN. No one here can be beaten, unless they choose it.

You can not win.

[Boo]

DC suddenly dies because Benny messed up when trying to take DC's liver while he was sleeping. "I mixed up the wed vein with the bwue vein."

[Darkcomet]

.....

Has Benny been messing with the cloning machines again? 'Cause DC does not sleep at AMEN. That would be extraordinarily stupid.

And yes, I know what this is inviting. Just saying that I'm playing the AI right now, not DC.

[Boo]

Never said he did sleep at AMEN. In fact I think Decker was the only person to ever really sleep here... wait, Llama too. I dunno about anyone else. Benny hasn't.

Oh, and the cloning machines still consider people huggibly soft.

[sheepofoblivion]

uhh... I sleep a lot here, although it's likely I never will again after saying that... Anyway, when it say "sheep goes to his room to sleep" it means I'm sleeping....

[Uncle Festy]

"I'd sleep here, except due to me no longer being a living organism, I don't sleep."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Don't got to beat him to kill him," Fullbladder responds to the AI, unimpressed.

At that point he smashes through the door to the main room. He joins in on the conversation to note that he enters a sleep-like state when exploring cyberspace, but hasn't actually slept in much too long. Then he's smashed the opposite door and disappeared itno the corridors of AMEN.

[Darkcomet]

DC approaches Fullbladder in the corridor.

'Fraid not.

A swarm of daggers fly at Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder throws something at his feet and crouches. The daggers detonate on the spherical shield that springs up around him.

"That all ya got, DC?" he asks as the shield vanishes.

Then he fires the shotgun.

[Darkcomet]

No.

DC easily dodges the shotgun. He tries to telekinetically slam Fullbladder to the ground.

You honestly thought you could win?

((The last one is the AI.))

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Actually yes."

About that point Fullbladder rolls across the floor (which he had, in fact, been slammed into), and tries to shove a spiked fist into DC's crotch.

[Darkcomet]

The hell do you think you're doing?

DC floats above the attack. He sends a large, bloodstained dagger straight at one of Fullbladder's eyes.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Fightin' dirty."

Fullbladder pulls off an easy roll. He fires the shotgun again.

"How long can you hang on?"

[Darkcomet]

Until you run out of ammo.

With that, he'll send a telekinetic wave to deflect the shotgun blast.

And knock down Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Won't be long then, eh?" Fullbladder spits out a tooth. It isn't his.

Then he tosses a smoke bomb and fires the shotgun at the same time.

[Darkcomet]

DC flies away from the blast. He lands in the hall, and pulls out a weapon that Fullbladder will regret giving him.

Say hello!

He fires the personal ion cannon at Fullbladder's direction in the hall, shrouded by smoke.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder, attached to the Mongol body, is completely organic. His remaining personal shields all crap out, though. As do several other miscelaneous things on his person.

As the smoke clears, though, Darkcomet might notice that the shotgun has changed into crossbow. It's not pink, though.

"Hello!"

[Darkcomet]

And now you lose!

He attempts to forcibly rip the crossbow out of Fullbladder's hands and point it at him. Telekinetically, as usual.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

As soon as his mind touches it, DC should feel a very fiery shreik in the back of his head, very, very loudly.

[Darkcomet]

ARGh... You think a little thing like that will stop me!?

He sends a powerful telekinetic blast straight at Fullbladder.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"T'ain't me, mate--" Fullbladder begins to say, raising his hands as he's suddenly shoved into the wall.

"You know I don't do mind tricks!" He wheezes from the floor.

The screaming in DC's head increases in intensity.

[Darkcomet]

I've felt these things before. It didn't stop me then, it won't stop me now.

An inward telekinetic force chokes Fullbladder, with the aim of popping his head off.

[Phase]

Phase waves his hand. The light bends in the hallway in which the battle takes place. An alcove appears in the wall. Phase sits, pretending to munch on popcorn, ignoring his lack of mouth.

"I've been waiting for a decent fight between you insignificant insects for quite some time, I hope it doesnt end soon."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

His head pops off easy. The clamping collar wasn't on very tightly.

He begins to laugh as the crossbow continues to be utterly useless to DC. And it's paint begins to chip.

[Darkcomet]

DC drops the crossbow.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

At which pioint Fullbladder snaps it up in his mouth and pulls the trigger with his tongue, having roughly aimed in a split second.

[Darkcomet]

DC narrowly avoids it. He looks like he has a really bad headache.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Ah cah awh! Yah cahnk dawg faweheh."

The magical reload feature causes a machinegun effect as Fullbladder tries to talk. Ordinary, wood-and-steel bolts pincushion the wall.

[sheepofoblivion]

sheep is about to go to sleep, then decides against it...

someone do a .. PLOT?!?!!

[Darkcomet]

DC sends a dagger at Fullbladder's head to make him stop shooting.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder had rolled his tongue to find a better position to talk when the dagger was thrown. As such, when it twangs into the wood of the crossbow he vibrates along with it, and clenches his eyes shut in a minor headache of his own.

He spits it out.

"You wish to negotiate a surrender maybe?"

[Darkcomet]

I think it would be best for the both of us.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Find me my neck! I need to put a mark on the wall!"

Fullbladder awkwardly rolls over to his Mongol body. There is a click at the collar clamps them together.

Then he pulls a crossbow bolt out of the wall and uses it to carve the date into the same wall. Underneath he writes 'Fullbladder wins a fight'. He gathers up the crossbow, which is now a violin of the bright pink variety.

"I shall provide fine music, you shall provide fine beverage! To the in-base bar!"

[Darkcomet]

DC sends several knives at the wall. It reads:

"It was a draw, you idiot!"

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"That means there are no losers, and thus I have won a fight! Come on, before someone takes the jukebox."

[Darkcomet]

DC scratches his head.

So we both won, then?

[PirateMonk]

"Actually, according to Section 1131-A in the AMEN contract, you both lose and I win."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Then Fullbladder frowns.

"I never signed that contract, Piratemonk."

[Darkcomet]

Not that it matters anyway.

He looks a fair bit exhausted. He did before too, after all, he fought Draken's sword-thing. Now it's more noticeable though.

And I never turned in that contract, PirateMonk.

[sheepofoblivion]

dude, you guys post fast.

[Darkcomet]

((Do we? I hadn't noticed.))

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"And I have the actual excuse of being around here before you made that contract."

(Yes. Yes we do. We post very fast indeed.)

[Darkcomet]

DC is just glad he didn't get hit with that.

Meh.

[PirateMonk]

"Section 1131 also states that it covers all AMENites, not just those who signed. So accept me as the victor or get out of my base."

[Darkcomet]

DC looks at Fullbladder.

Truce?

[Uncle Festy]

"I'd say something about having altered reality so that I actually won – contracts be damned – but that seems more like something Phase would do."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

In response to DC's question, in a possible misunderstanding resulting in not trying to figure out what DC meant, Fullbladder roars and leaps at Piratemonk, a pair of crossbow bolts held like daggers.

[Darkcomet]

((You were right.))

DC sends several daggers at PirateMonk.

[PirateMonk]

"Hey! It also says in section 7854-R that assault of-" *Splorch*

[Goblin Music]

watch out for the scything blade trap. a large scythe swings at DC's neck

[Darkcomet]

DC is psychic.

He ducks.

[Goblin Music]

several smaller scythes swing under the first

[Darkcomet]

He flies upward.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder giggles childishly from a perch on the corpse of Piratemonk. He ignores Goblin Music's antics.

[Darkcomet]

That was fun.

[Phase]

Phase laughs, um, malevolently...

"Oh, you mortals. Always trying to 'Kill' each other."

He waves his hand. To even the fight, DC is forced to the ground.

[Darkcomet]

((Oh, come on. GM's nigh invulnerable, can't DC have flight?))

[PirateMonk]

Another clone walks in and sprays Goblin Music with Nigh-Invulnerability-B-Gone.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"DC use this!"

Fullbladder tosses DC a crossbow bolt that is blacker than the blackest pit of blackness. Blacker even than Phase's heart or Benny's soul. There is an absence of vision in it's outline.

"Temporal!" Fullbladder shouts, vanishing.

[Darkcomet]

Oh.

Excellent.

He catches the bolt.

He sends it flying at GM.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Now, if it actually hits, it should (read: should, but probably won't) tear open a portal in time and drag Goblin Music back to his childhood, without actually causing him to leave the room. Basically it'll either de-age or extreme-age him.

[Darkcomet]

Well, tell me how it goes. For now, I'll leave you guys some entertainment.

Several laser drones roll in and start fighting each other.

DC leaves.

[Phase]

Phase initiates a slow clap.

"Very nice."

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Old gimmick. Don't mock me like that Phase! I know where you live!

[Uncle Festy]

Fullbladder tosses DC a crossbow bolt that is blacker than the blackest pit of blackness. Blacker even than Phase's heart or Benny's soul. There is an absence of vision in it's outline.

"Last I checked, Phase's heart is an off-blue, and Benny's soul is a darkish purple.
… no, of course I don't go around looking at other people's vital organs! What sort of abomination of unlife do you take me for?"

[Goblin Music]

GM walks into the room only to find himself a young goblin, well not that old about middle age for goblins, hey cool, i have de-aged! GM *humms* and looks around the room.

[Phase]

"I have no vital organs, you loony!" Phase yells at Festy.

He then smacks Fullbladder in the face with a random lawnmower.

"Accept my compliments!"

[Darkcomet]

Laser drones are still fighting each other.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"I accept your compliments! Don't hurt me!"

[Phase]

Phase allows the lawnmower to drop.

"L-look at me, I've become a thug! I need intelect!"

Phase rushes of to his conditioning labs.

[Darkcomet]

DC enters the base again. He looks like he's looking for someone.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Shas walks in the front door.

Pssst. . . DC. . . what are you looking for?

[Darkcomet]

Why do you ask?

[happyturtle]

Decker wakes up and flies over to land on DC's shoulder.

"Hi!" :smallsmile:

[Darkcomet]

Ah. Can you portal us somewhere where these guys won't try to kill us in the middle of a conversation?

[happyturtle]

"Okay." Decker makes a portal to the K-corp thread and flies through.

[Atomsized]

Atomsized walks out of his room.

Whats going on here NOW? :smallsigh:

[Haruki-kun]

Another clone walks in and sprays Goblin Music with Nigh-Invulnerability-B-Gone.

Haruki hits PM over the head with a Softball bat.

"DUDE! You've had that all this time and you didn¡'t tell us??? We could have done with a can of that a while ago!"

Haruki steals the can and goes around the base spraying it over all the Nigh-Invulnerable AMENites. You know who you are.

[Atomsized]

Atomsized then settles himself in front of the TV and turns on watches this (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/witchdoctor).

He claps his hands like a cymbal playing monkey while laughing like a maniac.

((Warning, video has really flashy colors >.>))

[happyturtle]

A portal opens and Decker skips through jumping rope. Not in swan form though, because swans can't skip rope. She's in her thirteen year old girl form. "Hi Haruki! Hi atomsized! I can skip to a hundred without tripping!" :smallsmile:

[Atomsized]

Atomsized is too busy watching TV to notice Decker coming in. Atomsized then overloads from excitement that starts to bounce off the walls.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Darkcomet]

DC enters the base.

[PirateMonk]

Haruki hits PM over the head with a Softball bat.

"DUDE! You've had that all this time and you didn¡'t tell us??? We could have done with a can of that a while ago!"

Haruki steals the can and goes around the base spraying it over all the Nigh-Invulnerable AMENites. You know who you are.

"It doesn't work very well, because they're often also invulnerable to the spray."

[Beholder1995]

Beholder finally wakes back up, after sleeping through... two threads?...

[Darkcomet]

Uh... Hi. I don't believe we've met?

[Beholder1995]

Wha-?... who are you? :smallmad:

[Darkcomet]

I joined while you were asleep.

[Beholder1995]

Beholder shuffles away from him.

Uh... okay...

[Atomsized]

Atomsized bounces on the Beholder and DC.

[Beholder1995]

Get off of me! :smalleek::smallmad:

He uses telikenesis to boot Atomsized into... a Death Star trash compactor. Yeah...

[Darkcomet]

DC does the same thing. In other words, Atom goes through it twice.

[PirateMonk]

PM tosses the trash compactor into the incinerator.

"Haven't you two read the Evil Overlord's list? No compactors."

[Darkcomet]

DC snaps his fingers and the BFL lazors PM.

[happyturtle]

Decker cries. "But... my dinner was in there!" :smallfrown:

[Beholder1995]

PM tosses the trash compactor into the incinerator.

"Haven't you two read the Evil Overlord's list? No compactors."

You fool! I am too old-fashioned for that!

Beholder cackles and twirls his moustache.

...

And ties a damsel in distress to some railroad tracks.

[PirateMonk]

PM is lazored.

[Darkcomet]

And that is how you deal with annoyances like that.

[PirateMonk]

"What? I don't feel very dealt with."

[Darkcomet]

The mini laser drones come out and laser PM.

There's a lot of them.

[Saurous]

PM tosses the trash compactor into the incinerator.

"Haven't you two read the Evil Overlord's list? No compactors."

"Aw, it's no fun if we aren't allowed to use cliches. Impossibly genre savvy villains are annoying and overpowered."

SP follows this up by firing his signaling revolver at the ceiling. He seems to be using this to substitute saying "Could I have the people involved in the zombie plot?"

[sheepofoblivion]

The mini laser drones come out and laser PM.

There's a lot of them.

I think what he meant was that violence is so commonplace in this scarred battleground, that it doesn't really do much, it is only a minute of respite, and most times not worth the trouble, as the attacked won't go down without a fight of epic proportions, or that person will just accept that they died and then respawn. In amen, there are battles of the mind, who will give up first, who can break the other's iron resolve...

He then sees decker crying due her lunch being incinerated.

I would like my previous statement stricken from the record.

Ooorr.... PirateMonk was referring to something completely and totally different, either way, it doesn't really matter too much.

[Atomsized]

Zombie plot.......but i was going to look for some Kool-Aid :smallfrown:.

So Atomsized is burned to death or something or at least trash compacted. He is grinded, burned, deep fried, and then the room of his door opens and he walks out perfectly fine.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Kool-Aid?

OH YEA-

*Is shot*

http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/images/uploads/lateaugust2008/KoolAidMan_Fullpic_2.gif

[sheepofoblivion]

a zombie is seen shuffling from sheeps room. Sheep then quickly runs out, decapitates it, and lights the whole thing on fire.

No, no, NO! I am not running a plot! I have too much homework/laziness to overcome today!

[Haruki-kun]

DC snaps his fingers and the BFL lazors PM.

"A) Who is BFL?

B) Why is he using my idea?"

Haruki catches the Lazor and tosses it into the Trash Compactor Incinerator and Disposal 9001.

[Darkcomet]

1. BFL stands for Big ****ing Laser.
2. It doesn't go Shoop da Whoop.

[Haruki-kun]

"....................Oh."

.....................................*hides under blanket in shame*

[Beholder1995]

Why does everyone here spell 'laser' 'lazor'?? It's driving me insane! :smallmad:

[Darkcomet]

Hey, Haruki. It says here your sword has power over astronomical objects. And despite my name, I am not one, by the way. Why don't you make Phase do something?

He's holding a piece of paper with Haruki's AMEN wiki page on it.

[Shas aia Toriia]

Haruki, that'd be awesome! Can you make Phase like a zombie moon or something?

[sheepofoblivion]

I dunno, cheese rots quickly enough for my taste, and if it were a zombie too, it may unravel the very threads of the universe.

Observe.

he puts the status quo button on a timer for 2 minutes, and then zombifies a piece of cheese.

*the very threads of the universe are unravelled.*

*the base, and universe, are then reset when the 2 minutes have elapsed.*

[Atomsized]

Atomsized walks in.

Hey Haruki, i need more Anime Blend of yours!

[Darkcomet]

Oh, hi Atom. You didn't catch any of that conversation, did you?

[Atomsized]

Oh, of course not. My attention span isn't that great. Besides, i need more Anime Blend.

[Darkcomet]

Good. Because if you did, well, I'd have to do this again.

He projects an image of Atom being bound and gagged into Atom's head.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Fullbladder slithers past, stopping only long enough to say hi to Darkcomet.

Then he disappears into a random lab.

[Darkcomet]

The AI speaks to Fullbladder in his lab.

What are you doing now?

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Taking equipment," Fullbladder grumbles, gathering up some dusty industrial equipment.

Somewhere he finds a little red wagon, and decides to fill it with his technological loot. As he slithers alongside the main workstation of the lab, he just piles more on. He doesn't even seem to look at it.

[Atomsized]

Atomsized watches the projection, and his hat starts to slide off. He shoves it back up to hide his idiot hair (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotHair) from showing.

((Man, i need to stop using the same gag for NO and AMEN))

[Darkcomet]

What are you going to do with that?

[sheepofoblivion]

sheep eats a pie, and offers some to DC

((new avi ftw!))

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

"Stuff."

The goblin nods, dumping an obsolete genetic splicer onto the pile of old equipment. Then he produces some rope and ties it all to the wagon, and begins to drag it out of the unused lab.