Belkar and Lord Shojo

[Kinneus]

Remember the Grand Experiment? V's proposed hypothesis on how Belkar's brain works?
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0335.html
Belkar's brain, according to V, has only two possible reactions to people: hate and lust.
Belkar obviously has great respect for Shojo. He's pleased to see him. He certainly does not hate him. This leaves us with only the one option.
Now that I'm sure I've made you all queasy, I think the rest of this thread should be devoted to crafting the most horrifying slash fiction ever conceived.

[[TS] Shadow]

:roy: I think I need to soak my brain in acid now.

[Lira]

Quick! To the slashfic mobile! :smalltongue:
Don't lie. I know you all want to see it.

[King of Nowhere]

The main theory there was that Belkar's protobrain made an exception for Shojo.
Still, the way you are proposing implies some intersting possibilities for the house of horrors...

[nleseul]

Belkar obviously has great respect for Shojo. He's pleased to see him. He certainly does not hate him. This leaves us with only the one option.

The same is true of Mr. Scruffy.

[Teral]

Oh god.. can open... worms everywhere...

Maybe he was able to suspend his hate for the greater him of letting Shojo burn Roy repeatedly.

[Assassin89]

Well, it is possible that Belkar actually has three parts to his brain and he rarely assigns "other" to people

[Ronan]

V's assumption is wrong from the the beginning. I believe it wasn't made to be right, because of his relation to Elan. They do pranks together, and that's neither of hate/lust

[Warlord JK]

I believe that V's assumption was somewhat correct, but the overwhelming stimulus of Shojo, Elan, Mr. Scruffy and others I can't remember will cause the protobrain to suddenly snap or evolve to deal with all emotions and such.

[Kinneus]

The following is SFW, but definitely not safe for sanity. Show spoiler to never feel clean again.
As the cleric chanted on, and the fog of delirium lifted, Belkar's dark heart kicked with a lusty little thrill. "You've returned!"
The majestic form of Lord Shojo responded with a slight nod.
Overcome with joy and hurt, tears welled up in Belkar's eyes. "How could you leave me like that? You were the only one... the only one who ever really understood."
Cooing gently, Shojo stepped foward, drawing Belkar into an embrace. "It's alright, little one. I'm here now."
Belkar sobbed, his tears staining Shojo's Azurite robe. Oh, Azure City! That doomed place of such exquisite suffering! Home of that wonderful castle wherein Belkar first felt the flutter of true love, and yet home of those horrid Good-aligned brutes that forbade it.
Eventually, Belkar composed himself. Smiling, he looked up as best as he could, into Shojo's soft and kindly eyes. Gently, Belkar whispered, "You know, I always liked your moustache..."
"Whiskers," Shojo answered, also in a whisper.
"Yes, whiskers," Belkar agreed, standing on tip-toe, lips puckered earnestly. "... like kitty whiskers."
Shojo stooped to one knee, embracing the trembling halfling ever tighter. As he held him, felt his fluttering breath against his cheek, Lord Shojo felt the fiery passion of youth flood back to him, washing over him like a tingling wave...
Slowly, delicately, yet clinging to one another as if they were afraid they would blow away at any moment, their lips finally met.

[Vemynal]

rule 34 is now in effect^^

[ARMOURERERIC]

Rich is setting up a webcomic spinoff..........

He's the ghost of large urban area's nobility.......


He hasn't met a living creature that he didn't fantasize about imparting a slow painful death..........


It's Cliffport's new wacky crimefighting team.....

GEEZER AND SLASH!!!

[HamsterOfTheGod]

The following is SFW, but definitely not safe for sanity. Show spoiler to never feel clean again.
As the cleric chanted on, and the fog of delirium lifted, Belkar's dark heart kicked with a lusty little thrill. "You've returned!"
The majestic form of Lord Shojo responded with a slight nod.
Overcome with joy and hurt, tears welled up in Belkar's eyes. "How could you leave me like that? You were the only one... the only one who ever really understood."
Cooing gently, Shojo stepped foward, drawing Belkar into an embrace. "It's alright, little one. I'm here now."
Belkar sobbed, his tears staining Shojo's Azurite robe. Oh, Azure City! That doomed place of such exquisite suffering! Home of that wonderful castle wherein Belkar first felt the flutter of true love, and yet home of those horrid Good-aligned brutes that forbade it.
Eventually, Belkar composed himself. Smiling, he looked up as best as he could, into Shojo's soft and kindly eyes. Gently, Belkar whispered, "You know, I always liked your moustache..."
"Whiskers," Shojo answered, also in a whisper.
"Yes, whiskers," Belkar agreed, standing on tip-toe, lips puckered earnestly. "... like kitty whiskers."
Shojo stooped to one knee, embracing the trembling halfling ever tighter. As he held him, felt his fluttering breath against his cheek, Lord Shojo felt the fiery passion of youth flood back to him, washing over him like a tingling wave...
Slowly, delicately, yet clinging to one another as if they were afraid they would blow away at any moment, their lips finally met.

Oh God! The horror! The depravity! The physical impossibility! Damn my eyes. Yet despite that, I want more!

[Fiery Diamond]

The following is SFW, but definitely not safe for sanity. Show spoiler to never feel clean again.
As the cleric chanted on, and the fog of delirium lifted, Belkar's dark heart kicked with a lusty little thrill. "You've returned!"
The majestic form of Lord Shojo responded with a slight nod.
Overcome with joy and hurt, tears welled up in Belkar's eyes. "How could you leave me like that? You were the only one... the only one who ever really understood."
Cooing gently, Shojo stepped foward, drawing Belkar into an embrace. "It's alright, little one. I'm here now."
Belkar sobbed, his tears staining Shojo's Azurite robe. Oh, Azure City! That doomed place of such exquisite suffering! Home of that wonderful castle wherein Belkar first felt the flutter of true love, and yet home of those horrid Good-aligned brutes that forbade it.
Eventually, Belkar composed himself. Smiling, he looked up as best as he could, into Shojo's soft and kindly eyes. Gently, Belkar whispered, "You know, I always liked your moustache..."
"Whiskers," Shojo answered, also in a whisper.
"Yes, whiskers," Belkar agreed, standing on tip-toe, lips puckered earnestly. "... like kitty whiskers."
Shojo stooped to one knee, embracing the trembling halfling ever tighter. As he held him, felt his fluttering breath against his cheek, Lord Shojo felt the fiery passion of youth flood back to him, washing over him like a tingling wave...
Slowly, delicately, yet clinging to one another as if they were afraid they would blow away at any moment, their lips finally met.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Oh, how I wish I'd never clicked that spoiler tag....

[Raging Gene Ray]

I thought this would be a good opportunity to pea roast this picture from the first House of Horrors by Ink:



http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i244/Ink_avatars/Other/shojo.gif

[someonenonotyou]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH where my brain acid:smalleek:

[Lowkey]

Given V's ambiguous gender, how do we know Belkar is not gay or at least bi?

[MReav]

The following is SFW, but definitely not safe for sanity. Show spoiler to never feel clean again.
As the cleric chanted on, and the fog of delirium lifted, Belkar's dark heart kicked with a lusty little thrill. "You've returned!"
The majestic form of Lord Shojo responded with a slight nod.
Overcome with joy and hurt, tears welled up in Belkar's eyes. "How could you leave me like that? You were the only one... the only one who ever really understood."
Cooing gently, Shojo stepped foward, drawing Belkar into an embrace. "It's alright, little one. I'm here now."
Belkar sobbed, his tears staining Shojo's Azurite robe. Oh, Azure City! That doomed place of such exquisite suffering! Home of that wonderful castle wherein Belkar first felt the flutter of true love, and yet home of those horrid Good-aligned brutes that forbade it.
Eventually, Belkar composed himself. Smiling, he looked up as best as he could, into Shojo's soft and kindly eyes. Gently, Belkar whispered, "You know, I always liked your moustache..."
"Whiskers," Shojo answered, also in a whisper.
"Yes, whiskers," Belkar agreed, standing on tip-toe, lips puckered earnestly. "... like kitty whiskers."
Shojo stooped to one knee, embracing the trembling halfling ever tighter. As he held him, felt his fluttering breath against his cheek, Lord Shojo felt the fiery passion of youth flood back to him, washing over him like a tingling wave...
Slowly, delicately, yet clinging to one another as if they were afraid they would blow away at any moment, their lips finally met.

I have to add this:

The moment was ruined however, when Lord Shojo yowled in protest and swiped Belkar with his paw.

[T-O-E]

It was one of V's theories, not a fact.

[Scarlet Knight]

Ugh! D@#n fanfic! Now I'm going to have to think of Shojo as that creepy old uncle whose always picking up unicorn horn potions from the apothecary in town... "Come here, little ranger & sit on Uncle Shojo's lap..." :smallyuk:

[Sinewmire]

ngh... urf... brgh...

Looks like you took many, many, many ranks in "Craft: Disturbing Mental Image" too, huh?

Excuse me whilst I find the mind-bleach.

[House_of_Dexter]

Oracle: Belkar will draw his last breath—ever—before the end of the year. [winks] That's an "in-comic" year, not a real-time year, Oracle fans!

So we see Belkar doing more thinking than in all the strips combined..

Prophesies are never what we think...I think Belkar is about to die...but not the way that we are accustomed to...Lord Shojo...planted the seed in him...that there is more to life than just poking something with a pointy stick...

The Mark of Justice has caused him to be delusional...seeing his life as worthless and meaningless...a One dimensional creature living in a 2 dimensional world...

So I propose that Belkar's death will be symbolic...The Sexy Shoeless God of War is about to die...and be replaced by a deeper character...who would make Lord Shojo proud...and when he dies...the Mark of Justice will have no effect on him...because Belkar is dead...

[rayne_dragon]

"like kitty whiskers."

This made me laugh almost as much as the following poster's screams. :smallbiggrin:

I'm not sure Lord Shojo leans that way, but there's not much evidence either way.

[David Argall]

Oracle: Belkar will draw his last breath—ever—before the end of the year. [winks] That's an "in-comic" year, not a real-time year, Oracle fans!

Prophesies are never what we think...
So I propose that Belkar's death will be symbolic...
Where does one get the idea that the Oracle gives devious prophecies? He gives limited and nearly worthless answers, but they have been consistently direct, to the extent they can be understood at all. "His name is Xykon.", "In his throne room", "Yes" are all entirely clear answers. Useless for the most part, but clear. His answer to Roy is as accurate as Roy allows it to be. The advice Haley may not be as clear as "say yes to a date", but it gave us no false answers, and was quickly recognized as refering to Nale once Nale tried for a date with Haley.

So we have no reason to think the Oracle is being at all indirect here. Belkar is going to breathe his last, he had better have savored any birthday cake he got, he doesn't need to fund his IRA, and he is not going to see the Oracle again.

[Querzis]

Oh come on that theory was never right in the first place and I really dont know why you guys would assume it was. V just thought that out of spite.

Belkar is driven by only one thing: fun. Since he think sex and killing is fun of course hes gonna lust lots of girls and kills lots of mans but that doesnt mean anything. The hate part in V 'theory' is especially stupid since Belkar barely hate anyone except Miko, V, kobolds and possibly Roy. He doesnt kill anyone because he hate them, he just kill them cause its fun.

Belkar is having lots of fun with people like Shojo, Elan, Scruffy and even Roy or Haley. Shojo and Scruffy are the only two he consider more fun alive then dead with a dagger in their eyes so thats why its the only two he woudnt kill. Thats it.

[Raging Gene Ray]

So I propose that Belkar's death will be symbolic...The Sexy Shoeless God of War is about to die...and be replaced by a deeper character...who would make Lord Shojo proud...and when he dies...the Mark of Justice will have no effect on him...because Belkar is dead...

You're probably overthinking this. Get your mind into the gutter with the rest of us!

There's some lovely filth here:
:haley:(Walks in) I can't believe we won that fight! Now we just need to work out the price of resur-OMG WTF?!?
Celia: Oh...gods...
:belkar:Look! Shojo came back! We're best friends now!
Cleric of Loki: Uh, yes! I'm Shojo! Now tighten those cheeks, little buddy!

I think I just hit myself for 5d6 Sleaze damage.

[Scarlet Knight]

Bravo, Sir! First the Shojo portrait & now the lovely filth! Oh, my poor sides! Oh, poor Belkars self-described "buns of steel"!

[Raging Gene Ray]

I would just like to reiterate that I didn't draw that. Ink did. I see myself as more of a freelance publicity agent than an artist.

I'd just like to provide more fodder for disturbing fanfics with this picture (Yes, it's worse than my other two posts) by h_v which speculates on Eugene's goings on while Roy is up on the mountain:



http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h87/osiris32/lem1.png
http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h87/osiris32/lem2.png
http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h87/osiris32/lem3.png

...This time, I think I just gave myself 10d6 sleaze damage. Maximized and empowered.

[OOTS_Rules 2]

OH GOD MY POOR BLEEDING EYES! Now I know how V felt when Durkon kept turning her eyes.

[MReav]

I would just like to reiterate that I didn't draw that. Ink did. I see myself as more of a freelance publicity agent than an artist.

I'd just like to provide more fodder for disturbing fanfics with this picture (Yes, it's worse than my other two posts) by h_v which speculates on Eugene's goings on while Roy is up on the mountain:



...This time, I think I just gace myself 10d6 sleaze damage. Maximized and empowered.

Goddamn. Screw the brain bleach. I need the brain ammonia. And a brain power sander.

[Kinneus]

Somehow, the lemons make it all the more disturbing.

[Sequinox]

The following is SFW, but definitely not safe for sanity. Show spoiler to never feel clean again.
As the cleric chanted on, and the fog of delirium lifted, Belkar's dark heart kicked with a lusty little thrill. "You've returned!"
The majestic form of Lord Shojo responded with a slight nod.
Overcome with joy and hurt, tears welled up in Belkar's eyes. "How could you leave me like that? You were the only one... the only one who ever really understood."
Cooing gently, Shojo stepped foward, drawing Belkar into an embrace. "It's alright, little one. I'm here now."
Belkar sobbed, his tears staining Shojo's Azurite robe. Oh, Azure City! That doomed place of such exquisite suffering! Home of that wonderful castle wherein Belkar first felt the flutter of true love, and yet home of those horrid Good-aligned brutes that forbade it.
Eventually, Belkar composed himself. Smiling, he looked up as best as he could, into Shojo's soft and kindly eyes. Gently, Belkar whispered, "You know, I always liked your moustache..."
"Whiskers," Shojo answered, also in a whisper.
"Yes, whiskers," Belkar agreed, standing on tip-toe, lips puckered earnestly. "... like kitty whiskers."
Shojo stooped to one knee, embracing the trembling halfling ever tighter. As he held him, felt his fluttering breath against his cheek, Lord Shojo felt the fiery passion of youth flood back to him, washing over him like a tingling wave...
Slowly, delicately, yet clinging to one another as if they were afraid they would blow away at any moment, their lips finally met.

Wow... That... Actually made me feel physically sick... And I usually am resistant to stuff like this.. Belkar's romance thread? House of Horrors? No problem. This? Disturbing incarnate.

Good job.

[Kinneus]

Wow... That... Actually made me feel physically sick... And I usually am resistant to stuff like this.. Belkar's romance thread? House of Horrors? No problem. This? Disturbing incarnate.

Good job.

You flatter me, sir. Hope you don't mind if I use your praise in a signature.

[Optimystik]

Somehow, the lemons make it all the more disturbing.

Why, one might even say they're having a lemon party.

(If you don't know, then far be it from me to contaminate your innocence!)