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Killersquid
2008-11-14, 01:36 PM
Ok, we've had threads with stupid things a player did, but what about the character you play? Ok, here's mine. It was in an Exalted game. Dawn Caste combat sorcerer wants to pray to the Unconquered sun to find an artifact for his hearthstone, because he has no money for one. So, since he has no idea how to appease his God, he decides the best way is to lie on his back, look into the sun, and pray.

Bad move.

Storyteller calls for a Stamina+Resistance roll. I roll. 1 success. My character is blinded until further notice.

Looking back he realizes it was a stupid idea.

Fax Celestis
2008-11-14, 01:51 PM
My Giovanni necromancer botched a roll to bind a ghost for questioning and combat services.

Botched binding attempts cause the ghost to instead rise as a spectre bent on destruction.

This happened to be a very powerful ghost who had some big problems with Pentex Inc.

Who then went and started blowing stuff up.

And then angered the vampires who owned the corporation, accidentally causing a breach of the Masquerade, which inevitably triggered Gehenna (which, incidentally, triggered Apocalypse too).

PhallicWarrior
2008-11-14, 02:55 PM
So, since he has no idea how to appease his God, he decides the best way is to look into the sun on his back and pray.

Bad move.

Storyteller calls for a Stamina+Resistance roll. I roll. 1 success. My character is blinded until further notice.

Firstly, how did he look at the sun on his own back?!

Secondly, my stupid move: Idiotic (INT 6) Fighter. Tomb of Horrors. Statue with open mouth. Nuff said.

Killersquid
2008-11-14, 03:03 PM
Firstly, how did he look at the sun on his own back?!

Secondly, my stupid move: Idiotic (INT 6) Fighter. Tomb of Horrors. Statue with open mouth. Nuff said.

Sorry, at work, bored, half asleep, and not busy at all, I'll correct it.

Jack Zander
2008-11-14, 03:06 PM
There were two orcs hurling fireballs from the beads on their necklaces at us. My wizard exclaimed, "Crap! That's valuable treasure they are wasting! Quick, take them down before they waste any more!" One had already been hurt with an arrow so I ran up within ten feet of the wounded one and cast my only offensive spell I had prepared: Burning Hands.

The explosion shouldn't have killed me, but the DM rolled really good. However, he even said that was stupid rolling and he let me be at -6 or something instead.

rayne_dragon
2008-11-14, 03:19 PM
Asking to be shot with a flamethrower. Mind you a big tentacled monster was grappling me at the time....

Shooting the hostage I was trying to save (It happens to me too often. I'm not allowed to use ranged weapons anymore).

Dropping to the ground in fear when attacked by a ghoul.

chiasaur11
2008-11-14, 03:27 PM
Had my character attack the DM.

Not, all in all, the best idea.

Fax Celestis
2008-11-14, 03:28 PM
Had my character attack the DM.

Not, all in all, the best idea.

...

...

...how does that even work?

BRC
2008-11-14, 03:28 PM
Using the experimental equipment provided to them in Paranoia

Killersquid
2008-11-14, 03:31 PM
Using the experimental equipment provided to them in Paranoia

Sounds awesome.

Doomsy
2008-11-14, 03:34 PM
...

...

...how does that even work?

A mini and a really good pitching arm?

starwoof
2008-11-14, 03:36 PM
Once our party was exploring some ruins or sewers or something beneath Sharn. My hobgoblin bard got swarmed by giant beetles, passed his bardic knowledge roll and started yelling for the party to 'kill them with fire!'

After that encounter I no longer had a hobgoblin bard.:smallsigh:

Texas Jedi
2008-11-14, 03:42 PM
I had a character jump into a pool of disentegration to get a potion. That pool almost became a TPK until we figured it out.

Veneficus
2008-11-14, 03:46 PM
I once did something really dumb.

I would hesitate to say stupid but definitely not clever. Our party was once infiltrating a heavily guarded town. We snuck in and made our way into a storage building that we were planning to hide in. It was very dark in the building so I "cleverly" lit a match to see what is inside. Just before the explosion we caught a glimpse of several barrels of gun powder and several sticks of dynamite.

End result 3 dead party members. It wasn't particularly funny at the time but now I can laugh at the whole thing :smallsmile:

Raging Gene Ray
2008-11-14, 03:49 PM
The party druid shifts into an adowable widdle kitty cat in order to enter the house of the Mayor. The guards however, make the mistake of yelling "I hate cats!" and trying to schmack the kitty with his sword.

I'm playing the party cleric, and I walk up to them and demand they let the kitty in. (Keep in mind, I had Ethereal Jaunt prepared and a pair of magic boots that could've teleported me in)

This ends with me picking a fight with the guards by throwing an animal out of my Bag of Tricks. It turns out to be a tiger.

Me: "Oh, you like killing cats, huh? Well it looks like you've got your work cut out for you, a*****e. Now let the little furball in or I'll have your throat ripped out."

The guard sounded the alarm. My cleric rattles off a Balde Barrier, killing a few. The DM describes the destruction.

Me: Is the Guard-Who-Hates-Cats still alive?
DM: Yes.
Me: I cast (Some Other AoE spell).

DM: He's dead...so are about 6 other guards.

Me: I cast Plane Shift to escape.

So a simple mission to knock on the door of the mayor's house ended with me becoming a wanted criminal and offending my deity (True Neutral with some NG tendencies).

Veneficus
2008-11-14, 03:59 PM
Hahaha. That one was funny,

Something that happened to our whole party once. For some reason we were running low on food. Not a problem we all think. We'll get our druid to cast animal companion and then we'll have bbq badger. This worked.

Next time we try it our DM is a little wiser and does something unexpected. Our druid cast the spell and we didn't get a badger. Instead we get a really p*ssed of huge viper snake. End result 4 dead party members...also eventually bbq viper.

Drascin
2008-11-14, 04:06 PM
I knew full well at the time that there would be consequences, but telling the avatar of a god that "gods are ****ing stupid anyway, and our world can administer itself well enough without meddlers from other planes coming to screw everything up" probably wasn't the best idea.

JMobius
2008-11-14, 04:08 PM
I had a 9th level Favored Soul/Radiant Servant of Pelor in a group exploring the GM's homebrewed "Void Plane". Our group had nicknamed it the Plane of Suck, because of its habits of continually energy draining us, requiring a will save to wake up, the plane itself having spell resistance, and nasty monsters to boot.

At one point, we were directed by our guide that the gate off the plane we were searching for was at the bottom of a lake of pitch black goo. We were instructed that one apparently had to jump in, hold their breath, and wait to sink to the bottom, as the goo apparently served as a barrier for the town from the hostile environment. My character was not too trusting of the guide, and rather disturbed by the way the plane distanced him from his patron, so he manifested Celestial Brilliance (god I love that spell) before sinking into the ooze, so that I could see a short way through it as I descended.

Once I hit the bottom, all hell breaks loose. Town citizenry panics, as the guard quickly hits me with a dispel. Apparently, using light magic is a crime in this city, because of its potential to shine through the ooze and attract the attention of monsters from outside. I was placed under arrest for breaking this law, and as always was the case for the bizarre laws we routinely crossed under this GM, ignorance was no excuse (my favorite was one nation that held people accountable for crimes they committed under magical compulsion, with the justification essentially being "you should have made your will save").

Another running joke amongst our players was that the campaign world the GM had created was that the setting was called "The Universe of Jerks". Over the six months the campaign took, we did not encounter a single NPC that meant us well or treated us with kindness, and my internment in the town jail was no exception. The guards provided me with no food or water during the stay, which lasted three days at the end of which was a public lashing. At some point during my stay, I had no recourse but to conjure water for myself, at which point I was beaten, and sentenced to another three days and another lashing after the first set was paid. My character was not at all happy with the cruel laws of the land, but bore it all with a grim expression rather than cause unnecessary harm to the poor community that sadly didn't just find a more hospitable place to live in the infinite planes.

The straw that broke the favored soul's back came when one of my companions, a druid, came to visit me during the second stay. He had grown concerned after seeing my withered appearance during the lashing, and wanted to make sure I was okay. I told him what the guards had been doing, accusations which they vehemently denied. At this point, the captain of the guard whispers to me that I was going to pay dearly for 'lying' about his good and honorable men.

And at this point, I just couldn't take it any more.

I demanded that they let me go, or suffer the wrath of Pelor for their cruelty. They laughed, and the captain ordered me killed on the spot. This was a small town, and there was nothing of note about its people or law enforcement.

Thirty seconds later, a brilliantly shining avatar of Pelor riding a giant bear burst forth from the jail, making a break for the portal in the center of town which was our reason for coming here in the first place.

It was at this point that a curious void dragon, creatures that were well above our CR and that we'd desperately tried to avoid above ground, peeked its head through the ooze.

I guess some strange laws do have a purpose... :smallsigh:

Eldariel
2008-11-14, 04:10 PM
My Elf shot an arrow at Lolth who was busy ignoring him.

TakeV
2008-11-14, 04:14 PM
It was at this point that a curious void dragon, creatures that were well above our CR and that we'd desperately tried to avoid above ground, peeked its head through the ooze.


Which the nice druid then WRESTLED TO DEATH.

The story had a happy ending, though, as the village became lost in the plane of air and we never heard from them again. ^_^

Saintjebus
2008-11-14, 04:29 PM
I have 2. My very first character was a 5th level Wild Elf Wizard in FR. Very first session, my DM gives me a ring with a link to the Elemental Plane of Fire. This ring had the property of randomizing aspects of fire spells. In our first big battle, we were fighting vampires, and I started throwing fireballs. First couple got enhanced by about 50% damage. I was making sure they were a good 60-70 ft away, though. Then I got a little cocky and cast searing ray at a vampire 40 ft away from me. When the 60 foot radius fireball disipated, all enemies and all allies were still alive, albeit damaged. Then somebody said, "Where's the wizard?" They eventually found the small pile of ash that I had become. The ring was sitting on top of the ash.

Second story, I played a paladin who thought that he was a tank while wearing full plate. He tried charging through a door that had a lightning trap on it. It took my party members 3 hours to cut me out of my fused full plate.

OracleofWuffing
2008-11-14, 04:30 PM
Not my own character...

"Those chokers don't look like they've seen us yet."
"You know, we're kind of busy, so let's see if we can sneak on by them."
"Yeah, good idea. No point in fighting if it can be avoided."
*Good Hide/Move Silently rolls all around*
"Awesome, Perform (Percussion)!"
*18*

Raging Gene Ray
2008-11-14, 04:35 PM
*Good Hide/Move Silently rolls all around*
"Awesome, Perform (Percussion)!"
*18*

Was he trying to fascinate the chokers? Was he just hungry for XP and Inspiring Courage to make you fight? Was he trying to get you killed? WHY Would he do that? There's a difference between stupid and suicidal, and that could be either one depending on the context.

Lappy9000
2008-11-14, 04:40 PM
Politely waving to fanatical guards of the Blood of Vol cult who were guarding the entrance to a tower we were infiltrating (losing us the surprise round and giving them time to charge us). My fighter then proceeded to grapple one of the guards (who was a halfling) and use her as an improvised bludgeoning weapon against one of the other guards for two rounds.

Vortling
2008-11-14, 05:10 PM
My warlord in KotS walked into an obviously trapped room when no one in the party had thievery to disarm the traps. He did make it out alive but it was close and he nearly got the paladin killed.

Lazy Zomb
2008-11-14, 05:20 PM
Once filled in for a player during a session, first game. Anyhoo, I was the groups cleric, a dwarf of some war god or other... We're coming round a bend and see two pirates that aren't looking at us, but have crossbows in their hands and swords at their sides. Its obvious they're pirates. We're looking for such a group of people for raiding a lighthouse. So, the party sorceror yells out a hello...

So, first round of combat my clerics grumbling about having to save the sorceror at -9 from dying by crossbolt wound while the rest of the party gets to kill them some pirates...

Turns out that sorceror had a bad habit of introducing himself to bad things, I'm not sure he ever actually got to do anything besides bleed in any battles...

Pie Guy
2008-11-14, 05:21 PM
I grappled a choker. At level 3.

monty
2008-11-14, 05:39 PM
Entering the Tomb of Horrors.

Lappy9000
2008-11-14, 05:49 PM
Entering the Tomb of Horrors.

Oh snap. The horror.....

Piedmon_Sama
2008-11-14, 06:56 PM
Had to think to answer this, as most of my players are pretty smart.... I honestly can't provide any stories about PCs of my own, since I get to play so rarely.

Both of these incidents come from my very first campaign. The party had set out at 1st level to explore a cave, and unwittingly stumbled into a subterranean Kobold fortress. Well, they kind of doomed themselves when they surrendered to the Kobold Chief at his demand, not thinking of, say, rolling a Sense Motive check (newbie players... I should have reminded them, but then I was a newbie DM).

Instead of just killing them, the Chief gave them a chance to make 'restitution' by going into the territory of a Goblin tribe to the north and uncovering the reason for recent attacks the Goblins had made against the Kobolds. As 'collateral,' the Chief took from them the Wizard's spellbook, the Cleric's holy symbol, the Bard's instruments, and the Fighter's axe. So to get to the north, they had to cross a lake. Mind, this is in an arctic region; so as they're paddling along on their raft a Plesiosaur bursts out of the water and attacks them. The monk, largely by herself, managed to fight it off with some lucky rolls (like most animals, the Plesiosaur was just looking for an easy meal and didn't want to get injured). But before then, the Cleric decided since they were in sight of shore it would be a good idea to jump off and swim for safety.

Honestly, he should have died from exposure a few minutes after jumping in, but I was feeling merciful (and like I'd made things tougher for the party than I'd meant to) so I allowed the Kobold Ranger who was with them to build a fire and get it roaring with amazing speed and save the Cleric's life (as well as the monk and anybody else who'd been dunked in water).

The second incidence came later in the adventure, when the PCs were traveling through a forested canyon in the same arctic area. They found a bunch of dead Dwarven treasure-hunters, and took supplies and weapons off the bodies. One of the Dwarves had a wheellock pistol with a horn of shot, which the (human) party rogue took and put in the baggage mule for later.

As it happened, the PCs had already gotten clues that a mysterious tower lying deep in the forest was a former Necromancer's hideout and had been taken over by some kind of monster. It had absolutely nothing to do with the PCs' main quest (reaching the Goblin village), but the players were thinking "XP and lewts" and undertook to explore the tower. The Cleric, standing on the principal of not wanting to waste anymore time in the frozen, haunted forest, refused to go with them. Thus he was left outside the tower with the baggage mule, and an NPC who'd been traveling with the party, an Orc Rogue.

This Rogue had been so far playing up the "dumb orc barbarian" stereotype, convincing the party that he was just your average Barbarian with the mind of an ADHD-riddled child. Seeing his chance then, he quietly took the pistol out of the mule's saddlebag and loaded a shot, while behind the oblivious Cleric's back. In the next moment, the Rogue had a pistol pointed at the Cleric's head, and with the mule in tow escaped into the forest. The PCs never found him, and were now facing death by starvation or possibly a Half-Ogre fighter desperate enough to try cannibalism. That one is more of a unanimous failure on the party's part to exercise common sense than the Cleric's, admittedly, though after being robbed he was treated to seeing the gruesome corpse of a party member who had fallen 90 feet immediately after entering the tower.

EDIT: Remembered more moments of glory from this campaign after a bit of reflection.

-Early on, the Bard made an indecent proposition to the Draconic Elf Monk to share his tent and let him help her "keep out the cold." Mind, this was an Elf Bard with 8 Con and 8 hp at first level. The monk's response was to spin around and deck him, rolling a perfect 9 nonlethal damage and rendering the Bard unconscious. The Half-Ogre Fighter became enraged (he had a shared backstory with the Bard), and since he had no axe at this point attempted to grapple and pin the Monk.... it ended with the Bard and the Fighter sharing a tent after both were knocked out.

-After the conclusion of the tower adventure, the PCs were found by a pair of strange Fey beings, brother and sister (a homebrew race I made up). They were apparently the last of an ancient race living in one of the sides of the canyon, and took the PCs in and patched up their wounds and fed them. As it turned out, the Fey were of a mind to hunt mortals who entered their wood for sport, but first intended to kidnap half the party (reduced to four at that point) and replace them with pod-grown clones. The Bard, sad to say, made this absurdly easy by inviting the sister to join him in a bath the Fey were providing. That player really wanted his character to be a lady's man. T_T

-After finally reaching the Goblin village, the PCs found the reason for the attacks was that the heretofore peaceful Goblins had been taken over by a band of exiled Hobgoblin warriors. Their captain had set up a lodge at the head of the village, which the party infiltrated while a group of allied Goblin rebels roused the villagers for an assault on the Hobgoblins' (separate) barracks.

After a long fight against the Captain's lieutenants (a monk and a swashbuckler), the party had his two henchmen at their mercy. Worse, the Captain learned his soldiers were being overwhelmed by a Goblin uprising. The Captain said that if the PCs spared his lieutenants, he would leave the village peaceably and never return--and also give them a map to a great treasure (this was my intended hook for the next adventure). Injured and not sure if they could take on another NPC boss, most of the party were happy to negotiate (even the monk who had heretofore rigidly insisted on a 'no survivors' policy).

Well, that didn't set with the Bard. Actually, at this point his character was in possession of the magically preserved skull of a slain Demon, which he was hiding from the party. The skull telepathically communicated to the Bard suffer not his insolence! None who challenge my vessel should live! I didn't even bother to make a Diplomacy check, assuming the Bard would throw out the suggestion. Instead, he knocked an arrow in his bow and shot at the Captain (who, it turned out, had an Entropic Shield already up). That rather fouled up negotiations. They managed to kill the Captain, but the Monk was unconscious and wounded in the fight and they never found the treasure map.

-The Half-Ogre Fighter, when the players first began exploring the cave that turned out to be a Kobold fortress, insisted on leading the way. A large character, moving through a narrow (5' wide) corridor. By the second round of the first encounter, he was sprouting crossbow bolts like a pincushion and down to 2 hp.

Knaight
2008-11-14, 07:05 PM
Not my character. It was a robot game(experimental robots made to adapt to a a battlefield and take other peoples weapons and programs. Not humanoid at all), and the robots from squadron Rog-2(yes, they were rogues, they had broken out of their boxes on the assembly line, shot up their parent corporation factory, broke into a weapon developing company, and stole weapons, the original companies logo still painted on their sides. Naming themselves Rogue 2 was kind of a joke. Well it was when Rogue 1 did it.) were fighting Kappa, a similarly sized squadron(3 bots) who attacked them on a plane as they were trying to escape. Kappa had wheels, rather than little stub legs, and only one of them had magnetics. So the plan was to kill the pilot, fly the plane straight up, and open up a bay door in the back, where they would fall off of. So they kill the pilot, then they realize that none of them actually know how to fly a plane, and the reason that the "back" slot on Kappa was unocupied is that they had parachutes.

PandaCthulhu
2008-11-14, 07:07 PM
The party I was DM'ing (AD&D 2nd edition) did once give a scroll of protection from dragon breath to a fighter (part-time spare character, part-time NPC) whom the characters forgot could not read (all failed their IQ rolls), and sent him off to act as bait to draw out and distract a dragon so the rest of the party could attack from cover. Told him "this will protect you" and he just believed them. It worked fine until he failed to read the scroll (unrolls paper, says "what this say?") and got melted into his armour instead.

Same party, different character, a different adventure much later on, the wizard of the party decides to cast a fireball to remove a glass partition in a sequence of narrow tunnels, and takes out a party member with the backwash, but does also kill an undead sneaking up on them from behind...

Most stupid thing my own character has done: get impatient with failing to detrap a trapped, spiked door. Stand beside door, hit it with a blunt weapon to set off trap. Door flies open, squishing character between wall and door spikes. No more thief. The lesson? Never stand on the side where the hinges are.

mikethepoor
2008-11-14, 07:14 PM
I once had a 14th-level wizard that challenged Vecna to a duel of casters, not believing he was the real thing. My wizard died as a swift action.

Vorpal word
2008-11-14, 07:36 PM
Oh, there were a few, both for me and other players.

-We're walking into a locatha lair along a 5-foot wide tunnel. Rogue forgets his Search check, cleric takes 2d6 falling damage and has to cure light wounds himself (This is 1st level).

-In the same adventure, my monk tries to run on a wall to reach an enemy, but fails the Climb AND the Balance and falls, taking 1d6 damage. 3 rounds later, he is undeterred and tries to leap 5 feet (with a 20-ft running start and as part of a charge) over a pool of water. Result: Another 1d6 damage due to sharp rocks below and he misses the rest of the fight.

-We've reached the top of a tower and are facing a black dragon (I think Young age category, we were Lvl 1 here too) in the middle of a pool of acid. My character says the monster's not too tough after its claw attacks miss the fighter.
Bad idea, DM thinks I'm laughing at his monsters.
Next turn, the dragon breath weapons me (the cleric) rather than a line of three other PCs and it's up to the others to make Heal checks in the middle of a fight.

-My ranger decides to bravely step forward and use his +1 scimitar/shortsword against the Lvl. 4 (as we learned later) orc barbarian with a greataxe. First self-sacrifice in the campaign, and only second level.

-Same campaign as before, at 3rd level. The rogue refuses to enter the kobold cave and decides to climb a tree and hide. Eventually we get attacked by hungry brown bears, at which point the rogue's player decides to end off the campaign then and there because "it's unrealistic".

-I never was in on this one. Apparently, while I missed a playing session one of the PCs got himself flanked and critted by kobolds (at 3rd level). It took a lot of DM work to get them back into that cave after that.

-A player in a campaign I'm DMing is acting too metagame right before a boss fight (Though the players don't know that). I give control of his paladin to another player, who promptly makes him sit on his sword hilt for about a minute. Meanwhile, the others are conversing with a sorcerer who is actually evil and will fireball them the instant they turn their backs. The players have failed their Sense Motive checks, so I decide to be nice and restore control of the paladin to the original player. The paladin gets up, thinks a few moments (his Int is 9)...and sits down on his sword again instead of Detect Evil-ing the sorcerer.
Result: 6d6 fireball killed the party's NPC guard ally, dropped them to 10 hp on average (this was 3rd level) and panicked the barbarian's warhorse mount. They were lucky to kill him before any more spells were cast (he had Charm Person for the barbarian (who had Str 25 while raging) and Diehard as a feat, too).

Vorpal Soda
2008-11-14, 07:46 PM
In a rather bizarre homebrew setting based vaguely on modern day, but with random rule of cool thrown in, me and a friend were trying to track down a demon lord (Who in this setting are people who have risen to hold power both in terms of influence and combat ability, and so far, all the ones seen so far are human). Recently, the dead had started to walk and eat people, and we needed to stop it.

We tracked him to a pub right next to a small dock where we parked our boat, where zombies were suspicously absent. The problem was that it was past closing time, although there was still a bartender because the demon lord was allowed to stay much later than anyone else. The bartender was a robot and was equipped with a flamethrower and a heavy calibre machinegun, so it was just as well that we intended to use diplomacy in this situation.

We enter the pub and the bartender tells us to leave because the pub is closed, it's then explained that the guy in the pub is allowed in at this time because he's special. My friend was about to ask if we could be allowed to talk to him, when I start asking the robot to divide numbers by zero, and claiming that everything I said was a lie. The robot got confused, and eventually came to an answer; the answer was fire.

We eventually disabled the bartender by driving a car through the wall, parking it on him(Almost crushing the demon lord and my friend in the process), and then setting fire to the car's petrol tank and a petrol bomb the demon lord had kept hidden in case of combat. The resultant explosion was right next to the gas supply for the building. Then we got into a fight with the demon lord, that eventually ended with him being interrogated and afterwards shot with a fire-and-forget surface-to-surface missile launched from one of our boats, which leveled the rest of the dock.

In short, I managed to get a dock and pub wiped off the face of the Earth by asking a robot silly questions during a social encounter.

Wckd
2008-11-14, 08:24 PM
Scenario 1: This is what happened at an arena where we could bet on who would win a brawl:
a) I was playing a wizard and used prestidigitation to create money and use them to bet on a fighter.
b) I used a spell to try and alter the result of the brawl I had bet on.
c) When b) only caused a rematch I successfully turned the suspicion on another person and repeated b) only to get caught and thrown into jail and have all of my possessions(except clothes) taken away.
d) I got stuck between the bars when trying to reach the keys to the cells that I had convinced a rat to push off a table, and I rolled a 1 when trying to pull free which resulted in non-lethal damage reducing me to 1hp.
Somehow I managed to get out of that situation on my own with all my previous possessions plus additional gold, and an extra dagger! :smallbiggrin:

Scenario 2 as the same wizard:
Me and the others in the party had just defeated some undeads, and together manage to lift the lid of a casket. The casket releases poisonous smoke, and the undead mage inside the casket starts to move.
When the DM asks us what we would do, and as my character had cut off and picked up the arm of a Zombie earlier in that dungeon I jokingly answer him: "I try to rip his arm off!"
This resulted in me having to do a reflex save(which I roll a 1 on) and take enough damage to reduce me to 2hp!

Raging Gene Ray
2008-11-14, 08:41 PM
My bard was imprisoned for accidentally dropping a platter of expensive food intended for some noble guests at the inn (long story).

Anyhow, the rest of the party agrees to go take care of a bandit leader named Dwane Johnson in exchange for my character's freedom.

The bard asks the jailer:
"So, what do you know about this Dwane Johnson?"
NPC Jailer: "He is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
Bard: "Is he human?"
Jailer: "Partially...he's a giant scorpion."
Bard: "Would you call him HUGE?"
Jailer: "HUUUUUUGE"
Bard: "Does he wear a size X?"
Jailer: "I said huge, not gargantuan!"

What makes this stupid you ask? The DM wore a size X...the guy playing the NPC jailer was her husband.

SurlySeraph
2008-11-14, 08:46 PM
I tried to use Smite Evil on a Couatl. An Always Lawful Good CR 10 creature. I was 5th level, and the Couatl was supposed to assign us our quest. And that's why I spent the first day of our quest polymorphed into a lemming.

Drako
2008-11-14, 08:56 PM
I have a small list.


1 - "Grapple or shotgun?"

We were playing a riviting game of cathulhu when i decided to check out a small shop suposidly owned by a cultist. Upon looking through the window of said shop i was attacked by a pair of fire vampres. After an annoying battle involving sandbuckets and bathroom watter, my character went crazy, grabbed his 12gage shotgun and stormed off towards the shop. The "Skully" of the party decided to try and stop me by pistol-whipping my character, who in his blind rage punched the "Skully" and knocked her out.

I reached the shop door, kicked it in and my eyes melted... the little git had a spell already prepaired. I could hear the cultist running towards me... the ensuing conversation with the GM went like this:

GM "So you've just been blinded by the evil cultist who you can hear moving toward you, you have a fully loaded 12 gauge shotgun in your hands, what do you do?"

Me "Hmm, shotgun or grapple, shotgun or grapple? I grapple him"

GM "What?..."

Funnily enough, i missed, got chopped up and stuffed in a celler... the cultist was never seen again.


2: "Attack the humvee!!"

We were playing a game of darwins world and managed to get our target on the run. he was driving a humvee, i was flying over a mountain to head them off and the rest of the party were in another vehicle having a shootout with the baddies in the first humvee.

After a few rounds of me flying, funny rolls, cockups and not very fun kills, there was only the target in the humvee, which was off the road heading straight towards my character.... at VERY high speeds. At this point, i decided i would CHARGE the humvee. The GM took pitty on my stupidity and decided to just break my masterwork greataxe :(. was entertaining tho lol.


3: "Glowing things aren't always good"

In a game of cathulhu, my character came across a boat with a cultist symbol on it. Upon realising it was pritty much empty, i decided to go in and take a look around. I headed into the engine room and found a nice large lead box. I quickly opened the box to be confronted by a green glowing rock. My character being a homocidal stupid doctor thought he'd take it back to the party and show it to them. They were not amused.

I decided to sleep with the rock in my room for the night.... and ended up with radiation poisoning.


4: "Time is a dangerous thing"

Ok, so in pritty much the same cathulhu game as the previous 2, we were in egeypt checking out the last area an archeologyst team were at before disapearing. They were at a pyramid, theyre baggies were all killed etc. etc. so we stupidly decided to go take a look. We got to the pyramid, no problems. Got into the pyramid, still no problems... then we got to the top floor and were met by the human incarnation of Nhylothotep... which was highly interesting, but caused allot of psyco damage. This incarnation opened a portal to antient egypt suposidly to show us his power. MY character decided to go through the portal and headed to a market stand to buy a suvier. Amazingly enough, the portal closed behind him and he was trapped in acient egeypt.

After surviving the whole pyramid problem, the party got back into town and decided to find out what happened to me. According to the archives, i lived a long and happy life, had children and died of old age.... before the campaign even begun (i dare anyone to try and beat that lol). I also had a great, great, great, great etc. etc. etc. Grandson living in egeypt lol... the guys i play with are crule.


5: "Shiney things are trouble"

So... we were playing a game of D&D, in a dungeon looking for shineys... well... actualy prisoners, but its the same thing in the end. We went into a room and low an behold there was a shiney suit of breastplate on an armour stand at the other side of the room. My character, being a luscan, wanted this for himself and charged into the room and straight for the armour... to be lifted into the air and bitten by a creature.

The party wizard saw this and decided to use a sleep spell... which persued to sleep the creature and myself, both of us taking damage from falling to the floor, the creature dying in the process. The party then decided to add insult to injury by taking the armour, giving it to someone else, THEN waking me up..... very crule people.


I think theres more but i cant remember....

Yukitsu
2008-11-14, 09:06 PM
I have more than I can remember, which is depressing either way you look at it.

For one campaign, I fired a gun that contained magnetically sealed syringes. They contained grey goo.

That same campaign, I convinced my DM to let me soul link to my internet connection, which was implanted in his brain already. Sanity damage, and I went unconcious when EMPs when off near me.

Same character quoted Oh my goddess whe talking to a goddess, because he thought it would be funny.

Same character put on the bracelet artifact radiating evil, because he hoped whatever was about to possess him would protect his body long enough to survive the death trap he'd gotten himself in.

Same character kept jumping in front of bullets. The people he was "saving" were universally higher level than he was, and usually getting shot at because the DM wanted to give us a slight advantage in combat by dividing the shots. Suffice to say, the Dm stopped providing us with supposed ablative shields in missions.

Same character in another campaign went through battle royal as a pacifist.

Same character in that second campaign refused to believe that he was in a dystopian future, and as such, was nice to everyone.

Same character in a third campaign put on the mind control device despite knowing it was a mind control device, just because he was enamoured with technology enough to make that poor decision. He did this at least twice.

Same character in that third campaign had to be tattoed with "What would Billy do?" (parties straight man, played straight) on his hand, so he'd act normal. It didn't work.

An eternal champion of this character got into a contest with death to see who could burn down the city fastest. I hadn't actually staked my life on the outcome when we laid out the terms. I just wanted to see death burn down the city.

A different character made his mages staff into an lode stone. First thing to happen? Strength drained to heavily encumbered by a lusty hag. Second thing to happen? Bottom of a lake, through a bad teleport.

Yet another character was attacked by plasma missiles in a real world secret service campaign. He was locked up in the psych ward until he stopped believing in plasma missiles. Since it was Cthulhu, and he was the party shrink, he kept faking his way out of the ward. After faking his own death to avoid interpol, he snuck into his old bosses office, when his boss still thought he was dead. First thing he said when his boss saw him was "PLASMA MISSILES!".

Same character thought that vampires didn't exist, and so was only moderately irritated that the crazy temptress type person was drinking his blood.

Same character thought magic didn't exist, so every time someone cast a spell, he attributed it to the placebo effect. This led to some really bad justification on my part for continued suspension of disbelief.

Same character jumped out of a helicopter to block a missile.

Same character along with one other won the campaign by destroying the world before the cultists could do it.

Different character said "I'm still alive!" when the party was getting railroad killed by the bog bad for plot purposes. The BBEG had put away his sword, and proclaimed the day won before I said it.

My magical school girl character followed the party in Eberron. They were going to Delkyr.

There are many more cases of these travesties, but these are all I immediately remember.

TheCountAlucard
2008-11-14, 11:57 PM
Not a character of mine, but in a Clone Wars-set Star Wars d20 game I've joined, one of the Jedi is, well, rather... grenade-happy. He really doesn't seem to understand that while grenades are pretty awesome, using them on ships is a bad idea.

Knaight
2008-11-15, 01:06 AM
Heh, thats nothing. My players have launched borderline nukes inside factories. Well someone else launched them, but it was there fault.

OracleofWuffing
2008-11-15, 01:21 AM
Was he trying to fascinate the chokers? Was he just hungry for XP and Inspiring Courage to make you fight?
In hindsight, I probably should have mentioned that this was a level four TWF-based Fighter.

He's the damage-dealer of the group.


WHY Would he do that?
Like I said, it wasn't my character, so I don't know. Once the chokers started attacking, he tried to convince the group that he performed so well that nobody heard him (which didn't work out), so I don't think he was just itching for the fight. In real life, he was actually insisting on speeding the game up so he wouldn't be late for work (he wasn't, after all was said and done). If I had to guess, it would simply be that he just wanted to celebrate sneaking behind a few monsters' backs, and honestly didn't think that there might be consequences.


There's a difference between stupid and suicidal, and that could be either one depending on the context.
I feel a bit concerned that suicidal things can't sometimes be considered stupid.

SoD
2008-11-15, 01:50 AM
Waking up the CE Dread Necromancer 3 times during the night, not allowing him to prepare his spells. I was killed when he critted me with the greatsword...owch.

Kurald Galain
2008-11-15, 05:45 AM
Using the experimental equipment provided to them in Paranoia

That's actually pretty smart, considering that not using it is considered treason... :smalltongue:

BobVosh
2008-11-15, 07:45 AM
That's actually pretty smart, considering that not using it is considered treason... :smalltongue:

Ya, but if you successfully figure out how to use it you are a communist.

Hmm...the most stupid thing that I can think of is took a lot of levels in monk. :smallbiggrin:

Anyway, we have had a water splash fight in a cursed fountain, taunted manticores in 1sted through bars (like 87 damage from quills at level 4), had the fighter try to poke the beholder in the eye with a 10 foot pole, and finally trusted a smiling DM.

only1doug
2008-11-15, 11:23 AM
<snip>

4: "Time is a dangerous thing"
masks of Nyarlathotep spoiler
Ok, so in pritty much the same cathulhu game as the previous 2, we were in egeypt checking out the last area an archeologyst team were at before disapearing. They were at a pyramid, theyre baggies were all killed etc. etc. so we stupidly decided to go take a look. We got to the pyramid, no problems. Got into the pyramid, still no problems... then we got to the top floor and were met by the human incarnation of Nhylothotep... which was highly interesting, but caused allot of psyco damage. This incarnation opened a portal to antient egypt suposidly to show us his power. MY character decided to go through the portal and headed to a market stand to buy a suvier. Amazingly enough, the portal closed behind him and he was trapped in acient egeypt.

After surviving the whole pyramid problem, the party got back into town and decided to find out what happened to me. According to the archives, i lived a long and happy life, had children and died of old age.... before the campaign even begun (i dare anyone to try and beat that lol). I also had a great, great, great, great etc. etc. etc. Grandson living in egeypt lol... the guys i play with are crule.



Drako Please spoiler stuff like this, as it is from a published campaign.
Masks of Nyarlathotep spoiler (my players found the other death-trap in that room)

in that same pyramid, the room where you met Nyarlathotep.
The concealed room at the top of the pyramid consists of a Ebon throne, a star-map and a scene of ancient Egypt. Nyarlathotep is scheduled to turn up and chat to the PCs, with 2 traps to the encounter: you found one, my players found the other;
the trap my players found was:
if anyone is stupid enough to sit on the throne before Nyarlathotep arrives they get possessed and when he's done talking their charred corpse drops to the ground.

I'd argue that sitting on a Ebon Throne in a concealed room in a pyramid is one of the most foolish things a Cthulhu player could ever consider doing.

newbDM
2008-11-15, 11:28 AM
...

...

...how does that even work?


I second this line of questioning...

newbDM
2008-11-15, 11:49 AM
Well, in a recent game my CN gray elf psion, who is trying to become a noble+ (or just take over an area through his diplomatic skills), was undercover in a city's sting apportion to stop some underground fighting in their red-light warehouse district. He used the limited prestige he had gained so far to get a booth, while the other party members (all melee oriented) disguised themselves and entered as combatants.

It turned out that during the battles spectators took part by throwing in weapons, setting the stage's walls on fire, and such things. Although my PC managed to help one of the other PCs by conveniently throwing a weapon in at the right place and time, as the encounters went by he got more and more "carried away". So when it was the last PC's match, who was a wild elf fighter who had a sort of friendly "snobby rich elf" vs. "savage disgrace to elven kind" rivalry with my PC, he ended up having his two guards there at the time (follwoers) roll his barrel of vodka-like liquor (he always carries barrels of ale and such in his Bag of Holding for diplomacy) at the two fighting combatants in the center of the ring as he lit it with his torch

He did kill his companion's opponent! He just killed someone else as well...

newbDM
2008-11-15, 12:03 PM
I knew full well at the time that there would be consequences, but telling the avatar of a god that "gods are ****ing stupid anyway, and our world can administer itself well enough without meddlers from other planes coming to screw everything up" probably wasn't the best idea.

I have to know: What he do?

Zanticor
2008-11-15, 01:23 PM
In a game with my father a long time ago, our group: my fighter/wizard, a dwarf fighter and the wizard played by my father confronted three black dragons in their lair. Two where tiny and one huge. They where still asleep so we desided to spit-up and take them out in one go. The two fighters (me and my friend) would do the heavy dutty and charge the mother dragon. The punny wizard would get a save ride: He drank a potion of giant strength, lifted a boulder above his head and would crush the two baby dragons in one go. So we throw initiative and I go first. Charge! Then the dragons wake up and the little ones see a wizard stand before them with a boulder above his head and thus spew some acid over him. Adding the damage of the boulder that fell upon him equaled one of the many times we got my father killed. Good times.

Zanticor

Duos Greanleef
2008-11-15, 02:20 PM
There was the time that Neo the Stapler, Human Paladin of the Holy Order of the Staplers... (Why Heironeous named his order this is beyond me... whatever), walked into a bar and failed to spot the low ceiling beam.
It did enough non-lethal damage to knock him out cold.
Then Shade, the party's cleric of Kord, found him locked up in an upstairs room, bound by some very scanty leather straps and hanging from the ceiling.
Neo was forever indebted to Shade!
:tongue:

Chaltab
2008-11-15, 02:54 PM
I had a GM leading my level 3 or 4 (at the time) gang through an old Indiana Jones style boobytrapped temple.

I had my Samurai make a point of triggering all the traps after we'd avoided them, just out of curiosity. Luckily none of them worked properly due to centuries of decay.

Evil DM Mark3
2008-11-15, 03:08 PM
My paranoia character used machine empathy.

What?

You don't need to do anything else for that to qualify as stupid!

He also later stole a pile of Asomiv circuits from a War Bot production line. Guess what out next mission was?

Still I was raking in the perversity so who cares?

Brauron
2008-11-15, 03:12 PM
Me: "I cast Burning Hands at the spiders."

DM: "O-o-o-kayyyy...remember how I said this whole cave system is full of bat guano and smells strongly of sulfur and oil? Reflex Saves, everyone."

LibraryOgre
2008-11-15, 03:35 PM
Me: "I cast Burning Hands at the spiders."

DM: "O-o-o-kayyyy...remember how I said this whole cave system is full of bat guano and smells strongly of sulfur and oil? Reflex Saves, everyone."

In a 2nd edition game, we had a guy stick a Wand of Fire into the window of a basement and toss in a fireball.

Did it kill the cultists? Yeah. But the fireball, as they were wont to do in 2nd edition, expanded to its full 33,000 cubic feet... which was much larger than the basement. The fireball blew out windows and set the house on fire, which in turn set other houses on fire.

His response?

"Well, I got the cultists, right?"

chiasaur11
2008-11-15, 03:59 PM
I had a GM leading my level 3 or 4 (at the time) gang through an old Indiana Jones style boobytrapped temple.

I had my Samurai make a point of triggering all the traps after we'd avoided them, just out of curiosity. Luckily none of them worked properly due to centuries of decay.

Man, you win.

I mean...