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View Full Version : [3.5e] Just for fun, the Broken Magic Items of Brokenness



RMS Oceanic
2008-12-02, 05:50 AM
Gloves of You-Shouldn't-Be-Playing-This-Game-If-You-Miss
Faint Transmutation and Divination
Hands
5,000 GP
You are constantly under the effects of a True Strike spell and a Wraithstrike spell.

Headband of What's-A-Saving-Throw?
Moderate Divination
Head
8,000 GP
Add your caster level to the Save DC of spells you cast.

Comfy Pyjamas of This-Armor-Ain't-That-Heavy
Moderate Transmutation
Body (Non-Armor)
7,500 GP
Ignore all movement penalties, armor check penalties and arcane spell failure for any armor/shield you wield.

The +1 Speed Speed Speed Errata Greatsword
Errata - +0 enhancement ability. Things that don't stack now stack.

Gauntlets of It's-Still-Not-Bigger-Than-My-Hair
Strong Divination
Hands
12,000 GP
You may wield a two-handed weapon of up to two size categories larger or smaller than you one-handed without penalty.

Amulet of Let's-Make-This-Relevant-At-Level-20
Strong Transmutation
Neck
15,000 GP
Any feat that grants you a static unchanging bonus to attack rolls, damage rolls, AC, saves, spell DC, caster level checks, ability checks or skill checks improves that bonus by +1 for every four character levels you have.

Lappy9000
2008-12-02, 10:05 AM
Comfy Pyjamas of This-Armor-Ain't-That-Heavy
Moderate Transmutation
Body (Non-Armor)
7,500 GP
Ignore all movement penalties, armor check penalties and arcane spell failure for any armor/shield you wield.

I know these are intended to be broken but....these...just....hu-........gak *falls head first on desk*

RMS Oceanic
2008-12-02, 11:42 AM
I know these are intended to be broken but....these...just....hu-........gak *falls head first on desk*

I'm so glad you raised my attention to that, because I forgot to say it removes the limit on your dexterity bonus to AC as well! :smallbiggrin:

blackfox
2008-12-02, 12:13 PM
O.O *wants*
I think I'm gonna steal some of these for my Town character. :smallamusedEVIL:

SurlySeraph
2008-12-02, 03:28 PM
The Win Button (Artifact)
This item appears as a large, bright red button made out of ruby in an orichalcium base. Pressing the button causes you to win DnD.

@V: Yes! Exactly like that!

Lappy9000
2008-12-02, 03:36 PM
The Win Button (Artifact)
This item appears as a large, bright red button made out of ruby in an orichalcium base. Pressing the button causes you to win DnD.


http://www.sfgtd.com/images/Img6.jpg
You just Won at D&D. Wasn't that easy?

insecure
2008-12-02, 04:37 PM
http://blog.tmcnet.com/blog/tom-keating/images/easy-button.jpg

Win. In more than one way.

Frog Dragon
2008-12-02, 04:38 PM
Ripped shirt of Tranquil Fury (Medium wondrous item) (Check TV tropes)
This item appears as a ripped t-shirt or a vest.
As a free action, choose a creature. Said creature will immediately be paralysed with fear even if s/he is immune to fear effects. In order to keep this up you must move 15 feet per turn at maximum 2/3 of it being towards chosen enemy.
While using it you get +20 to AC and infinite attacks of opportunity. You also treat all hits as critical hits. In addition you get a +20 to hit.

TheCheshireHat
2008-12-02, 04:48 PM
Gauntlets of It's-Still-Not-Bigger-Than-My-Hair


Dear god, this almost made me fall out of my chair laughing

Randel
2008-12-02, 08:36 PM
Gloves of Thats-not-what-alchemy-is-supposed-to-look-like
Slot:hands
Power: The wearer of these gloves can cast Fabricate at will as a standard action.

History Eraser Button [artifact]
Nobody knows what would happen if this button is pressed. Maybe something good... maybe something bad. Anyone who stands watch over it must make a DC 30 will save every minute to avoid trying to press it.

Sniper rifle of anachronism
This ranged attack weapon can accurately fire upon enemies hundreds of feet away. It can magically create its own ammo. Anyone who possesses this item must make checks to conceal it from the DM.

Prometheus
2008-12-02, 09:05 PM
Cursed Greatsword of Diffusion of Responsibility
Moderate Mischief
As a +2 Greatsword, but whenever the wielder makes an attack he or she must make a DC 30 Will Save to resist the compulsion to carry out the attack he or she was originally going to make. As a result, attacks with this blade don't count towards alignment and if anyone gives you a funny look you can claim "But the sword made me do it!" Like This! (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/cursedItems.htm#swordBerserking)

Ioun Stone of Relativity (Calabi-yau manifold (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f3/Calabi_yau.jpg/575px-Calabi_yau.jpg) shaped)
Strong Transmutation
When this Ioun stone is equipped, it doesn't spin around you, the world spins around it (except you, which spins the opposite way on the other side of it). The world moves as though under the influence of a Reverse Gravity (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/reverseGravity.htm) spell except that it instead swirls around the Ioun Stone of Relativity. The equiper is constantly nauseated but otherwise effected as though contained within a Resilient Sphere (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/resilientSphere.htm). In Soviet Russia, this Ioun Stone instead functions as a dull grey ioun stone would (no effect).

Jack_Simth
2008-12-02, 09:50 PM
Almost Empty Wand of Charging
This wand has only two charges. You can expend one charge to add a use to any two different charged items (included scrolls or wands).

mikeejimbo
2008-12-03, 01:41 AM
If it weren't 2AM I might have something to offer. But I only want to say this.

MORE! :smallbiggrin:

Mercenary Pen
2008-12-03, 01:56 AM
Crystal of "I'm the DM now"
This item has only one activation, EVER. Upon activating this item, slap your DM around the face with a fish (preferably a swordfish, octopus or marlin if you have one), then take over DMing the game for the rest of your session. During this time, do NOT refer to the DMG upon pain of death. Instead, make judgement calls such as 'everything dies and we get the XP for it 5 times!'

During your time as DM, you are also empowered to make or approve house rules, which the regular DM must obey and maintain until the end of the current campaign or be abducted by aliens (Will Save= DC72 + ECL). You have won the game.

cha0s4a11
2008-12-03, 02:00 AM
Cursed Scroll of the Kwisatz Haderach:

When read, the user must roll a d20 resulting in a result of X. Afterwards, whenever anyone in the entire game universe would normally use the result from a d20 they use the following values instead:

The scroll user and allies: X
People/Creatures neutral to the user: X
Enemies of the user: (21-X)

If the value used is 1 or 20, it is treated as a natural 1 or natural 20, respectively.

The effect lasts for 100d10 years and cannot be cancelled by any means other than waiting for the time limit to elapse.

While it is in effect, no Cursed Scrolls of the Kwisatz Haderach may be used.

Owrtho
2008-12-03, 02:21 AM
While it is in effect, no Cursed Scrolls of the Kwisatz Haderach may be used.

I see no reason why not. All it would do is result in the previous number due to the effect of the last scroll, and in so doing risk extending the duration of the effect.

Owrtho

Magnor Criol
2008-12-03, 03:58 AM
Towel
The bearer of a towel enjoys a large number of effects. First, the Towel can be used to gain a +2 bonus on any skill check the bearer makes. Yes, even that skill. He can use the Towel to stave off the effects of dehydration and starvation, making him immune to nonlethal damage from the two conditions. He is likewise immune to nonlethal damage dealt by cold if he wraps himself in the Towel. The Towel can be used to make trip and disarm attempts without provoking attacks of opportunity (treat as a two-handed weapon) and, if used in a grapple check to pin an opponent, nets the user a +4 bonus. Finally, the Towel provides a +4 bonus on Will saves to the bearer through the presence of mind brought about by having such a critical item.

Special: The bearer of a Towel gains a +20 bonus on Diplomacy checks made with creatures of the opposite sex who aren't already Hostile, due to said member of the opposite sex noticing what a hoopy frood the bearer is.

Nonmagical; Craft (Clothing) DC 5; Price 1 sp.

arguskos
2008-12-03, 04:45 AM
Almost Empty Wand of Charging
This wand has only two charges. You can expend one charge to add a use to any two different charged items (included scrolls or wands).
Just wanted to add that this item is actually pretty decent. With a real name, extremely hard crafting requirements, and a lot of money, this could work in a real game. :smallbiggrin:

Heliomance
2008-12-03, 06:56 AM
Just wanted to add that this item is actually pretty decent. With a real name, extremely hard crafting requirements, and a lot of money, this could work in a real game. :smallbiggrin:

Get two of them. Use them to recharge each other. Get a Ring of Three Wishes. Profit.

arguskos
2008-12-03, 07:33 AM
Yeah, that's why I mentioned:
extremely hard crafting requirements, and a lot of money

When each of these costs 100,000 gp each, that sort of silliness isn't out of the question. :smallwink:

Just saying it is the least silly thing in this here thread of silly things.

Heliomance
2008-12-03, 07:37 AM
Except that with infinite wishes, you can make that money back fast.

arguskos
2008-12-03, 07:48 AM
Ok, look. I was merely making an amusing note, not trying to actually pretend any sane DM would allow any item in here EVER. I know full well that infinite wishes make 100,000 gp look like nothing, so there's no need to point it out further. Frankly, if your players first thought if given this item is "let's go make wishes with it!" then why don't they just go buy a Candle of Invocation, and be done with the whole deal? :smallannoyed:

Sheesh, I just wanted to mention that it was a neat, potentially fun item, not get drawn into a wish debate. :smallmad:

Kesnit
2008-12-03, 08:06 AM
History Eraser Button [artifact]
Nobody knows what would happen if this button is pressed. Maybe something good... maybe something bad. Anyone who stands watch over it must make a DC 30 will save every minute to avoid trying to press it.

ROFL. So very true...


Sniper rifle of anachronism
This ranged attack weapon can accurately fire upon enemies hundreds of feet away. It can magically create its own ammo. Anyone who possesses this item must make checks to conceal it from the DM.

(snicker) I'm in a game where the DM likes to homebrew overpowered custom PrC's. I suspect he would find this amusing. :smalleek:


Towel
The bearer of a towel enjoys a large number of effects. First, the Towel can be used to gain a +2 bonus on any skill check the bearer makes. Yes, even that skill. He can use the Towel to stave off the effects of dehydration and starvation, making him immune to nonlethal damage from the two conditions. He is likewise immune to nonlethal damage dealt by cold if he wraps himself in the Towel. The Towel can be used to make trip and disarm attempts without provoking attacks of opportunity (treat as a two-handed weapon) and, if used in a grapple check to pin an opponent, nets the user a +4 bonus. Finally, the Towel provides a +4 bonus on Will saves to the bearer through the presence of mind brought about by having such a critical item.

Special: The bearer of a Towel gains a +20 bonus on Diplomacy checks made with creatures of the opposite sex who aren't already Hostile, due to said member of the opposite sex noticing what a hoopy frood the bearer is.

Nonmagical; Craft (Clothing) DC 5; Price 1 sp.

I love you! (In a masculine, non-sexual way, of course.) :smallbiggrin:

mikeejimbo
2008-12-04, 12:34 AM
I see no reason why not. All it would do is result in the previous number due to the effect of the last scroll, and in so doing risk extending the duration of the effect.

Owrtho

But if an Enemy of the first user used it, the rolls would be reversed.

Owrtho
2008-12-04, 01:06 AM
Only for those neutral to both.

Owrtho

2008-12-29, 11:19 PM
Gem of uber.

Summon 1d% Paragon Psudonatural Half-Dragon Draconic Poisonous Corrupted Mummified Death Knight Vampire Savage Vampire Terror Vampire Hecatoncheries

Anti-Osmium

May cast Kill Catgirl as an instant action

Inyssius Tor
2008-12-29, 11:30 PM
Shattered Sword of Sundering
This sword was once really sharp. It's barely even a sword anymore--most of the blade is gone!--but the universe remembers. Whenever you attack with this weapon, you deal no damage; instead, you automatically sunder 1d4 of the target's weapons. If the target is not wielding that many weapons, you also automatically sunder 1d4 of the target's limbs.

jagadaishio
2008-12-30, 07:08 PM
You know, according to the SRD, a set of Goggles of True Strike should only cost 2,000 GP.

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicitems/creatingmagicitems.htm

And viola! Broken in a way that, you know, actually follows the rules.

FMArthur
2008-12-30, 08:24 PM
Oblong Stone
There exists on the material plane somewhere a small, ordinary stone with absolutely no distinguishing features or traces of magic. Thousands of years ago, however, an epic wizard with the power to reach out of the multiverse and slap players at the D&D table created an invisible, indestructible satellite orbiting the planet that cannot be affected by anyone. The satellite's magic is set so that whenever this stone comes into contact with another object at anything greater than 1 N of force, it rips all the energy out of a random star in the universe (the sun included) and fires it as a beam through the planet, targetted at the rock's location, but shaped with a tiny bubble so that the rock is unaffected. Anything within 5ft of it is obliterated, regardless of any kind of immunity or technicality. The beam wins any rules argument related to it, always. Things claiming to be exceptions are lies and the DM must immediately burn source materials containing them.

Recorded usages of the stone are rare, but the last sighting was at a schoolyard, where it killed a few people and a dragon on the other side of the planet. Its current location is unknown.

Kroy
2008-12-30, 08:40 PM
Gauntlets of It's-Still-Not-Bigger-Than-My-Hair
Strong Divination
Hands
12,000 GP
You may wield a two-handed weapon of up to two size categories larger or smaller than you one-handed without penalty.


Many an anime character has shelled out the necessary 12K to by these Gauntlets.

Aergoth
2008-12-30, 08:55 PM
Towel, revised.
While carrying this object, you gain a +2 to all checks made to resist the effects of dehydration or frostbite, as long as it is wrapped around your head. While carrying it, you are under the effects of an endure elements spell. While carrying this object you gain a + 3 bonus on a skill checks and a
+2 bonus to bluff checks made to make someone believe you will pay a bill.
You also gain a +2 bonus to gaze attacks and similar abilities which rely on sight (spells, ranged attacks and the powers of minor gods.) Possession of this towel grants the ability to take 20 on a diplomacy check towards a native of any location.

ericgrau
2008-12-30, 10:25 PM
You know, according to the SRD, a set of Goggles of True Strike should only cost 2,000 GP.

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicitems/creatingmagicitems.htm

And viola! Broken in a way that, you know, actually follows the rules.

Except you must spend a standard action to activate the goggles each time. True strike does not have a duration measured in rounds or minutes or etc., so it can't be made a continuous effect.

Anyway, my contribution:
Ring of Minmaxing
At will, the wearer of this ring may give up any ability or +1 and gain any other ability or +1. The effects of multiple uses stack. Cost: free or 1gp, 'cuz this is totally balanced, right?

Innis Cabal
2008-12-30, 10:39 PM
The Stick of No

This four foot long hard wood stick is smooth and heavy for its size, a single piece of leather is wrapped tightly arond one side, the only outstanding feature of this object.

This item is usuable only by those who call themselves DM's, Game Masters, Storytellers, or the like. Once per round such a man or woman may physically beat their player with the Stick of No once the player has suggested something broken, clearly not in the spirit of the rules, or cheese in general.



The Greater Stick of No

These dread weapons appear identical to the Stick of No, and some whisper in dread tones that such objects can be both at the same time. Unlike the Stick of No, the greater version can be used to produce great bodily harm on players who suggest or spend time making creatures like Pun Pun. It also grants a storyteller, DM, Game Master or their kin the right to take a players dice as a trophy for their defeat.

Mr. Zook
2008-12-30, 11:04 PM
Gem of the (Exploding) Monkey
When a command word is said (a swift action), the gem summons a monkey with 5hp and 15 AC (+3 Dex, +2 Natural). The monkey can be telekentickly commanded to move up to 1000ft (including walking straight up a wall) a round as a free action. At will, the summoner can say another command word and cause the monkey to explode. The explotion deals 10d10+10 fire damage and 10d10+10 force damage to all with in a 30 ft radius. If at any time, the monkey is rendered unconsious, dying or dead, it explodes where it died. After 1d6+1 rounds, the monkey explodes.
1d% the gem will be found in the treasure hoard of a primate, also
1d20 the gem will be found in the treasure hoard of a terrorist.
Cost to make: 1000 gp, 100Xp, requires the casting of orb of force or orb of fire, also requires the sacrifice of one animal of the primate family and an official PETA supporter.
Market value: 5gp (the PETA member's blood realy drags the value down).
BOOM!

FMArthur
2008-12-31, 05:17 PM
Tarrasque Saddle

You may use this to ride the Tarrasque.

Mercenary Pen
2008-12-31, 06:03 PM
The DM's Battleaxe of 'I said so'
This artifact may reside only in the hands of the DM. If the DM gets severely irritated by the players, this Axe is liable to attempt to behead the PCs of the player(s) in question. This weapon is considered a +72 weapon, and possesses all possible weapon properties for the purposes of DR apart from nonlethal damage. In the case of cheese related scenarios (and especially Pun-Pun), this Axe attacks the player's character sheet instead.

MageSparrowhawk
2008-12-31, 06:09 PM
Tablet of "Huh...I didn't know I could do that."

The tablet grants continual access to the Character Optimization Boards, and allows for a once/level complete rewrite of a character. Your name must remain the same.

FMArthur
2008-12-31, 06:36 PM
The DM's Battleaxe of 'I said so'
This artifact may reside only in the hands of the DM. If the DM gets severely irritated by the players, this Axe is liable to attempt to behead the PCs of the player(s) in question. This weapon is considered a +72 weapon, and possesses all possible weapon properties for the purposes of DR. In the case of cheese related scenarios (and especially Pun-Pun), this Axe attacks the player's character sheet instead.

It deals nonlethal damage! :smallbiggrin:

Mercenary Pen
2008-12-31, 06:38 PM
It deals nonlethal damage! :smallbiggrin:

Check again. thanks for the catch

Glooble Glistencrist
2008-12-31, 07:54 PM
Ring of Deus Ex Machina - Once per day, this ring summons an extraplanar ally who solves all your problems. This ally has whatever stats or abilities are necessary to get you and the other PC's out of whatever ridiculously abyssmal situation you've gotten yourselves into.

Plaid Ioun stone - This ioun stone grants you an extra attack per round. This stacks with everything including other Plaid Ioun stones.

mroozee
2008-12-31, 07:59 PM
The following broken items all appeared in actual games I've played.

Gauntlets of Casting
Allows the Wizard to cast any two spells he knows simultaneously. It's as bad as it sounds. Maybe worse.

Boots of the Eyes
Grants the wearer True Seeing, Minute Seeing, and Darkvision. The wizard who made these was wearing his home-made Goggles of the Eyes that acted as Doom, Charming, and Petrification and had only one open item slot.

Potion of Permanency
As the name implies, this is a chaser that makes the last potion quaffed in the previous round last indefinitely. This is broken in 3.5E, but in 1st Edition, it was taken right after a Potion of Hill Giant Control.

Ring of Diplomacy
This ring grants the wearer +30 on Diplomacy checks and allows Epic Level results. You don't like the odds in this battle? By second level, Taking 10 on a rushed Diplomacy check turns Hostiles into Friendlies.

And a completely legitimate, very broken item...

Net of Silence
Most casters are screwed.

lesser_minion
2008-12-31, 08:09 PM
Stone of Unbroken Speed
On activation(a standard action that does not provoke AoOs), this mysterious yellow crystal grants two standard actions. The item has no daily limit on its use.

Cost: 9000gp; Caster Level 3rd

Couldn't possibly be a problem...

MageSparrowhawk
2009-01-01, 01:30 AM
Main Character armor: you gain regeneration as the tarrasque. If you ever die for any reason, you return at the end of the current week at full health, full spells known, an additional level, and a new magic item worth at least 10,000 gp, but no more than 100,000 gp. This armor grants +10 AC, no ACP, no Max dex, no Arcane spell failure chance, and stacks with any other armor you wear.