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KeresM
2008-12-02, 12:35 PM
We had a DM who liked making up monsters.

Conceptually -

The half-celestial half-fiend half-doppelganger half-elf. But he actually turned out to be a fairly interesting opponent, so we eventually forgave the DM. After he paid for the pizza, anyway.

Otherwise -

Some sort of giant crab. He planned for them to be powerful, but frankly, they were CR 4 monsters against a CR 10 party due to him really not being a very good power gamer. The barbarian yelled 'butter!' and leaped into the fray. After laying waste, we told him to update his random monster chart or just dispense with them altogether. Which led to....

Weird blue light that kept attempting to charm us. We couldn't hit it, it couldn't hit us, and since it seemed to be tied to a location, we wound up just walking away. The DM said 'you were supposed to find the magic stone buried under your campsite'. That's when we tried to introduce him to the concept of 'foreshadowing' as in 'give us some sort of freakin hint next time'. Which led to....

Every person we talk to warns us about this aberration. Apparently, this is the scariest thing ever. We get down to the final encounter, and he is describing this thing to us as wiry, blue-furred, huge eyes and mouth, flying towards you....and the player with two young children set a copy of 'The Monster At The End Of This book Starring Lovable Furry Old Grover' on the table. Didn't say a word, just kept looking at the DM as his description sort of trailed off. He sighed, then continued with 'it falls and shrivels into dust in the face of your collective contempt.'

We gave him a couple month break and bought him a MM2 & 3. He was a good DM, we just sort of broke him and had to wait for him to heal before we could break him again.

Tadanori Oyama
2008-12-02, 12:45 PM
Vine Horror in a desert. I was the DM and I did it as a joke, knowing my PCs would engadge in "out/in character" chatter where they make jokes that their characters might make.

It was a very difficult fight for them, they weren't ready for this thing at all, but they took it well and it lead to a weird little side quest of them trying to figure out how this thing even got into the desert.

Maybe not a worst as far as results but felt like mentioning it.

Kyeudo
2008-12-02, 12:47 PM
I almost TPKed my players with a pair of CR 1/2 evil squirrels.

Emperor Tippy
2008-12-02, 12:52 PM
Once I threw a herd of super ponies at my players. Awakened ponies with 10 levels of Psi Warrior and 10 levels of Slayer each. :smalltongue:

Narmoth
2008-12-02, 01:36 PM
My players revolted when they heard of Ghaunador, the elder elemental god of slimes and jellies, that I picked from the Underdark 2nd ed campaign setting. They thought it was the stupidest thing I've made up :smalleek:

Zenos
2008-12-02, 01:40 PM
My players revolted when they heard of Ghaunador, the elder elemental god of slimes and jellies, that I picked from the Underdark 2nd ed campaign setting. They thought it was the stupidest thing I've made up :smalleek:

:smalleek::smallsmile::smallbiggrin: Heh, I trust you told them that you just picked it up from pre-existing material?

OverdrivePrime
2008-12-02, 01:42 PM
Gnomes. :smalltongue:

Narmoth
2008-12-02, 01:42 PM
yes, and they thought it still was stupid, half because of the name, and half because of his followers

Oslecamo
2008-12-02, 01:43 PM
COLOSSAL monstruous centipedes that somehow always apeared just at the side of our party in melee range, despite we being in a freaking open plains and having around +25 spot! WTF? were they centipede ninjas by any chance?


Suicide vanilla gnoll army to try to slow us down before we could get to their women and children, by taking the full defense action and standing on our path.
Not even deathcloud slowly creeping towards them made them retreat.

RTGoodman
2008-12-02, 01:45 PM
It's nothing homebrew, but one of my old DMs started us off (a 3rd level party of Gnome Bard, Human Monk, Human Rogue, and Human Barbarian) in a town where, and I quote, "They hunt dinosaurs for food, and since you're staying here with them, you've got to go help."

Well, we go out onto the big, flat, open plains and run into a dinosaur for us to hunt... that turns out to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/dinosaur.htm#tyrannosaurus). At 3rd level.

We just ran and gave up on the hunting thing.

Blackfang108
2008-12-02, 02:10 PM
I would have to say that the Mindless (Int -) Zombies are the dumbest monsters I've encountered. :smallbiggrin:

Seriously, though.

Probably the Chokers from our 4e campaign.

What didn't help was the fact that we only had one ranged attacker in the whole party, and so had to get scooped up in order to fight.

OverdrivePrime
2008-12-02, 02:12 PM
Suicide vanilla gnoll army to try to slow us down before we could get to their women and children, by taking the full defense action and standing on our path.

:smallconfused: Out of curiosity, why did the gnomes think your party was after their women and children? Did you have a druid with a canine fetish among you, or something?


Anyway, besides gnomes, the dumbest monster I've had to face were a bunch of formorians in a WoD game. When the ST breaks out the savage genitalia, you know he's just going for shock value. :smallsigh:

kladams707
2008-12-02, 02:15 PM
One of our players keeps trying to get our DM to send a half-giant, half-dragon hermaphrodite seducer, nothing yet.

Glimbur
2008-12-02, 03:33 PM
I keep asking to either fight or recruit a Bear Cleric in a 4E game, but no dice yet.

Not strictly a monster, but an Epic party I was in got severely damaged by cannons shooting Flux Slime. I'm wondering how they have the mechanical know-how to make such a cannon, as Flux Slime radiates an AMF in addition to its other properties.

Oslecamo
2008-12-02, 03:35 PM
:smallconfused: Out of curiosity, why did the gnomes think your party was after their women and children? Did you have a druid with a canine fetish among you, or something?


Because we had already razed down one of their villages to the ground with killcloud in a suprise attack during the night, with just a few high level gnolls escaping to warn the other villages. The women and children, however, didn't escape.

Vorpal Soda
2008-12-02, 04:13 PM
The campaign I'm in that progresses rather sporadically is set in a twenty minutes into the future version of London with supernatural elements, especially demons(They aren't always evil though, and they are frequently summoned by rather nasty people who bind them in ways that are very unpleasant for the demons). The game however, completely epitomises the term "badwrongfun", and has gotten completely silly.

As for monsters that in most campaigns would get the GM defenestrated:

A demon-built flying robot creature with that runs on biomass, with a massive blender at the end of a tube it sticks people into. Yes, a man-eating robot with virtually unbreakable armour. Apparently I was supposed to find weak parts in the armour, not shove a chain connected to twice my body weight of explosives in the biomass feed. Sadly my character completely fumbled his rolls and got his foot caught in the chain. We're still trying to work out the next step after "fine red mist".

Demonic triceratops with robot arms.

The Titan War Whale: An enormous whale that patrols the river Thames, and dwarfs virtually anything seen elsewhere in the setting. It was mind controlled by elite members of a violent gang of demon-summoning street racers who are clearly a little more connected than your normal gang of street racers(As an example, they do hits with rocket launchers). The whale was steered from a bridge built on top of the whale, where the mind control unit was housed. The encounter was finally defeated by my friend, who ran an enemy through with a hastily modified drill/missile combo, and after securely fastening said enemy to the floor with high explosives, proceeded to run, very quickly. Thankfully, the explosion was not strong enough to harm the whale(I'm not sure what actually could cause harm to such an insanely powerful creature), who is now our friend, and so is his son.

Dammit, I should be able to remember more silliness than this. Well, there was the flatbed truck with hitmen on the back, and the massive retractable chainsaw that came out from underneath the truck, and extended out to the other side of the road. Another faction had also sent hitmen after us(Our characters aren't very popular in the setting). You can guess how one group of hitmen managed to die.

Seatbelt
2008-12-02, 04:22 PM
I made my players fight rose bushes. And cats. The cats won, the rose bushes didn't.

Deathslayer7
2008-12-02, 04:25 PM
Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

AslanCross
2008-12-02, 04:37 PM
Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

That's utterly horrifying.

Anyway, the dumbest I sent against my players was a Night Twist. On paper, the Night Twist is pretty horrifying. In practice, all it could do was flail around impotently despite its insane reach and damage. They ended up throwing Molotov cocktails alchemist's fire at it until it stopped moving.

Satyr
2008-12-02, 04:53 PM
The most stupid monster I know of were demons who used their names - as battle cries. It is hard to take the tentacled beast of frenzy and death much serious when it talks like a pokemon.
It doesn't help when said demon looks like a bird's head with chicken legs, no apparent torso and half a dozen tentacles.
And is called 'Shruuf'.

http://www.armalion-kompendium.de/images/miniaturen/200px/17044_daemon_shruuf.jpg

Try not to snicker when you fight an angry giant chicken of doom in a battle of life and death that constantly screams "SHROOOOF! SHHRRROO-HOOF!" at you.

Enlong
2008-12-02, 04:58 PM
Some worm thing that he didn't even know the stats and stuff for. Seriously, he just flipped to a random page in the Monster manual and said "you see one of those". Or it could have been when he set a dragon on us level 1s.

Not a very good DM. We've since moved on.

SurlySeraph
2008-12-02, 05:02 PM
Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

http://www.outletradio.com/grantham/archives/cheneyflames2.jpg
COWER, MORTALS.

Gerrtt
2008-12-02, 06:21 PM
Flesh golems that he decided we could flank, sneak attack, crit, and cast spells on.

Because otherwise they would be too hard for us, but he wanted us to beat them at the level we were at.

If you ask me, 4 level 4 PCs shouldn't be facing a pair of flesh golems and a level 7 wizard at the same time, but hey...call me crazy.

Mystral
2008-12-02, 06:26 PM
A half-troll-half-dragon-druid.

He died in three rounds without accomplishing anything because he voluntarily failed his brambles reflex save to avoid 1d4 points of damage and then failed to cast freedom of movement on himself. By the time he tried to get out of the brambles by brute force, i had drained 10 of his levels with enervation.

Ah, good times.

He returned from the dead three sessions later. We turned him into stone while he was still flat-footed.

Keld Denar
2008-12-02, 07:07 PM
A dire shark...on land. Some guy thought it would be funny to charm a dire shark, then feed it half a dozen each potions of air breathing and flying. Then it came after our party. Luckily, my character was a cleric, and one heck of a good dispeller, and one targeted GDM later, it was twitching and gasping, and about 10 rounds later we were carving it up for sushi.

Mmmmmm, shark.

PaladinBoy
2008-12-02, 07:16 PM
I'd have to nominate the supposedly 18th level psion our party faced (there were four of us around level 12). Of course, the druid didn't do so well, the warblade was land-bound, and my character has no ranged abilities to speak of. The warmage may as well have been fighting alone.

It didn't matter much. It only took two Orbs of Fire to take him down.

Thiel
2008-12-02, 07:25 PM
I can't remember its name, but that wheel-lion from one of the complete books.
That thing is just plain silly.

LoneStarNorth
2008-12-02, 07:33 PM
Well, I was the DM for these, but...


...Evil toads. Infinite evil toads, actually.


...A stoner dragon. It's plan for conquest was to mate with a bunch of animals and get half-dragon offspring.


...An evil teddy bear.

Keld Denar
2008-12-02, 07:47 PM
...A stoner dragon. It's plan for conquest was to mate with a bunch of animals and get half-dragon offspring.


In a Living Greyhawk story arc for the region known as the Bandit Kingdoms (Texas and Oklahoma), there was a really really old red dragon named Morgenstaller, who also loved to progenate his genes.

Most of the monsters for a while there where half dragons, including a half dragon Umber Hulk, half dragon Bullette, and in one low level adventure, a half dragon sheep.

BAAAAH!!!! *spits fire*

AmberVael
2008-12-02, 07:56 PM
I can't remember its name, but that wheel-lion from one of the complete books.
That thing is just plain silly.

Tome of Magic, actually.

Piedmon_Sama
2008-12-02, 08:01 PM
In my first time DMing, I homebrewed a fay race (since I couldn't find one that fit my mental image of tall, elflike beings with faces of alien horror) that captured the PCs and sent them running through the woods on a wild hunt. I decked them out with spears and throwing knives, gave them Illusory Terrain as a spell-like ability, a powerful leap and figured I'd be in for some fun.

The Cleric killed on one his own, without armor, just healing himself and hitting her with his warhammer. I realized that fay really aren't built for hand to hand combat no matter how you arm them. :(

Rinzy
2008-12-02, 08:05 PM
I was preparing a session during downtime at work and asked my coworker to name a fantasy monster because I wanted one more encounter to let my party level up in the session. You see, they had a decent chunk of XP to go and I already factored in the other encounters and storyline XP, so it would have been out of my usual form to just give it to them. My coworker was facinated by D&D (she claimed to have no creativity, so refused trying to play) and loved watching me make sessions, so I thought Id ask her to help me >:)

The result? A kraken. In an urban campaign. My excuse? A wizard summoned it on accident in the middle of the town's fountain. The accident was never explained, but since my player *regularly* do worse, I decided it wasn't necessary.

The thing had huge negatives and was slowly suffocating, but the players thought it was hilarious.

FoE
2008-12-02, 08:06 PM
Suicide vanilla gnoll army to try to slow us down before we could get to their women and children, by taking the full defense action and standing on our path.

But ... but gnolls are one of the few races where the women are as strong (or stronger) than the men. Why didn't they participate in their defence?

As for me, I think the dumbest monster I ever faced was an overly aggressive Spectator from 1E. I even argued with the DM (my older brother) that Spectators are supposed to be polite unless the object they're guarding is threatened. And even then, he was just guarding a stupid corridor.

But then, that whole adventure was a meat grinder. I guess he was just trying to get back at me for joking that his last adventure was too easy.

Khosan
2008-12-02, 08:11 PM
Wow, no mention of Buer or that one phallic monster?

...Actually, I'm not shocked. They're so silly that I don't think any DM would put a party against them without everyone devolving into five-year-olds making stupid jokes about poop and crappy innuendo.

Archpaladin Zousha
2008-12-02, 08:18 PM
Ah, the Roving Mauler!

Keld Denar
2008-12-02, 08:22 PM
that one phallic monster?


Century Wurm? I think thats the right one. I'm not gonna do a google image search to find out if I'm right or wrong. Already bleached my brain once today, and the doc told me I gotta stop doing it so often.

Thiel
2008-12-02, 08:23 PM
Tome of Magic, actually.

Right you are.

Khosan
2008-12-02, 08:24 PM
Century Wurm? I think thats the right one. I'm not gonna do a google image search to find out if I'm right or wrong. Already bleached my brain once today, and the doc told me I gotta stop doing it so often.

Yea, that's the one. I can never remember the right names.

TempesT
2008-12-02, 08:25 PM
well this isnt realy dumb but it blows...

basicly its a 30ft wide giant worm that has DR30+, 40 hd, could swallow us whole, had no way of pircing the gizzard, 50ft land &burrow speed, and we were in a caver complexe...

... we died... ... all of us... ...:smallfurious::smallfurious:...

...did i mention we were 7th level!!!!

newbDM
2008-12-02, 08:32 PM
I almost TPKed my players with a pair of CR 1/2 evil squirrels.

Oh please. Tell us the story.

Copacetic
2008-12-02, 08:38 PM
Oh please. Tell us the story.

Probably Tucker's Evil-Squirrels-of-Death.:smallwink:

RTGoodman
2008-12-02, 08:44 PM
Oh please. Tell us the story.

It's D&D - there are all SORTS (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/dnd%20squirrel%20people%20jared%20hindman.jpg) of evil (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/images/d&D%20beasts%20carnivorous%20flying%20squirrel.jpg) squirrels (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/images/d&d%20beasts%20evil%20squirrels.jpg).

Brauron
2008-12-02, 08:52 PM
Let's see...

The party (5 level 8s, no magic items to speak of, no spell-casters -- it was supposed to be a non-magic campaign, but the DM kept giving us random +1s on our weapons, and the DM had forced a demonic contract on to our ranger via a possessed javelin) was being chased through a narrow canyon by 5 Purple Worms. Never mind the fact that the Purple Worm's organization is listed as "always Solitary." Never mind that the Purple Worm's move speed is something like 20 feet and we were all on horseback, they were gaining on us rapidly.

Suddenly we are out of the canyon on a vast featureless plain, and half the PCs are picked up off their horses by an entire flock of Sphinxes that the DM explicitly says have human female heads.

We are deposited on top of an eyrie built on the very top of a three mile tall spire of rock, and asked the most complex, confusing riddle I've ever heard. It took the DM five minutes just to recite it. It was also hideously anachronistic, referencing cars, trains, and other real world technology.

When we can't answer it (turns out the answer was somehow pregnancy...?) the entire flock of Sphinxes (11 adults and 8 babies) attacked this group of PCs.

And then the DM yelled at us for dying.

He also later explained that the Sphinxes we'd fought were Hieracosphinxes, and I pointed out that the description given for Hieracosphinxes in the monster manual explicitly states that they have the heads of birds of prey, not human women -- those being Gynosphinxes.

The DM shrugged and said, "Meh, whatever."

newbDM
2008-12-02, 08:59 PM
...A stoner dragon. It's plan for conquest was to mate with a bunch of animals and get half-dragon offspring.


This reminds me so much of a recent player/PC in my campaign...

mikeejimbo
2008-12-02, 09:02 PM
A giant turkey.

OK, actually, I sent that against my players. It was for a Thanksgiving themed quest. :D

TheSpartanMoose
2008-12-02, 09:05 PM
It's not really the monsters that were stupid but where they were that was. We were a level 2 group (rouge, cleric, and wizard if i remember correctly) making our way through some dungeon. As we're walking down a nice hallway, with tiled floors and everything, a mummy rises from the ground and attacks us. Yes, someone put a tile floor over where a mummy was buried. Of course the group was busy laughing at the mummy because it arose with a tile on its head. Later on in the dungeon a nightmare falls from a compartment in the ceiling, attacking us on sight. How the nightmare got in the ceiling we'll never know...that game was a lot of fun.

Kris Strife
2008-12-02, 09:09 PM
Draconomicon:
Eribonyxtaliff
GW Black Dragon
Eribon fancies himself the new Asharladon: the greatest black dragon that ever lived and proginator of an entirely new race. He is a mighty dragon to be sure, but his half-dragon offspring never live up to their father's expectations. His children include beastial half-crocodiles and half-tyrannosaurs, a small tribe of half-lizard folk, a scattering of half-merrows and even a few half-shambling mounds and half tendriculoses.

RTGoodman
2008-12-02, 09:11 PM
[...]even a few half-shambling mounds and half tendriculoses.

Eww...

Man, I'm glad I almost never run dragons...

Because then I might have to use this! ;-P

Kris Strife
2008-12-02, 09:28 PM
Eww...

Man, I'm glad I almost never run dragons...

Because then I might have to use this! ;-P

Not all dragons are like that...
Use it anyways, but have the monster at the end be an awakened shambling mound or tendriculos with the picture of a dragon and a love letter to it as the BBEG

starwoof
2008-12-02, 09:33 PM
Speaking of the Draconomicon; the Squamous Spewer. Wtf? How is that thing a dragon?


Sewer Camels. The DM grabbed the wrong encounter table and then ran with it.:smallbiggrin:

Starbuck_II
2008-12-02, 09:40 PM
The Ghost of Christmas Present.
He wasn't as jolly as the stories though.

Kris Strife
2008-12-02, 09:44 PM
Speaking of the Draconomicon; the Squamous Spewer. Wtf? How is that thing a dragon?

nitpick: they have type: abberation.

StoryKeeper
2008-12-02, 09:50 PM
Not all dragons are like that...

Black Dyrge would say otherwise :smallbiggrin:

starwoof
2008-12-02, 09:51 PM
nitpick: they have type: abberation.

Well its still stupid.:smallyuk:

Kris Strife
2008-12-02, 09:58 PM
Black Dyrge would say otherwise :smallbiggrin:

Who?

@Starwoof: any worse than the gibbering mouther?

Flame of Anor
2008-12-02, 10:03 PM
His children include...even a few half-shambling mounds and half tendriculoses.

Whoa, I didn't know dragons were into that kind of kinky stuff...

But seriously, probably either the carnivorous flying squirrels or the giant honeybees...no, wait, none of those. It was probably the giant gingerbread man or the squishy dough monsters. But those made sense because it was in a bakery whose goods had been animated.

starwoof
2008-12-02, 10:04 PM
@Starwoof: any worse than the gibbering mouther?

The gibbering mouther... its certainly cooler than the squamous spewer!

The_Blue_Sorceress
2008-12-02, 10:28 PM
Horsepires. Horse vampires.

They appeared in a one-shot game. The session had already fallen apart, and our DM had given up trying to run a game, so I took over for the fun of it, and after being nagged about it by my husband and a friend for half and hour, I introduced them to a fight with a small herd horsepires. I don't think I gave them stats or abilities, things had degenerated too much for that. I picked up a d10 for damage, gave them three attacks (hoof, hoof bite) and blood drain and kept everyone busy for another half hour. Then I decided I was done too and ended the game.

It made my husband happy anyway.

Blue

Doom Cellist
2008-12-02, 10:39 PM
An angry pimp

It was in a d20 modern and the dm sent an angry pimp and his girls at us no joke

Prak
2008-12-02, 10:47 PM
I almost TPKed my players with a pair of CR 1/2 evil squirrels.

I could've TPK'd my party with a hivemind swarm of half-fiend squirrels, with spell flower and shocking grasp prepared and held on each limb... all 6 of them, on all couple thousand squirrels...

Tengu_temp
2008-12-02, 11:15 PM
I can't remember its name, but that wheel-lion from one of the complete books.
That thing is just plain silly.

You do realize its based on a real-world mythological demon, right?

Also, I'd like to point out to several posters here that this thread's name is "What is the dumbest monster your DM sent against you?", not "What is the dumbest monster in DND books". Thank you.

On a side note, someone requested this, so even though I've never fought it in any of my games, there you go:
http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50103.jpg

Callos_DeTerran
2008-12-02, 11:15 PM
A were-tyrannosaurus rex kobold with full levels in Soul Eater. Yes, I know it wasn't rules legal but it sure as hell surprised my players when the kobold grew much bigger and started dealing negative levels. :smalltongue:

Behold_the_Void
2008-12-02, 11:24 PM
The end battle of my epic silly Disgaea-themed campaign was a Force Dragon in a chariot drawn by two Tarrasques.

Kris Strife
2008-12-02, 11:26 PM
The end battle of my epic silly Disgaea-themed campaign was a Force Dragon in a chariot drawn by two Tarrasques.

So a lower CR than Baal?

Zergrusheddie
2008-12-02, 11:30 PM
Not so much dumb, but a "Are you kidding?!"

The team is off to find the tomb of Krunx Ma'kalhie, the Hob-Goblin king.So, we come to a massive lake and see that there are a group of gypsies that live there in their caravans.

After they told us that the Red Dragon was angry at us for killing it's Troll minions, we were thinking that this place was just a valley of death, and there was nothing else there. Well, for some reason we discovered that one of the 5 keys to the Tomb was in the lake. The people warned us that going into the lake is a bad idea. The lake was big, but it wasn't exactly Great Lakes material.

"Why, what's in the lake?"
"Something bad. We call it Guronod. It fought off the Dragon a couple of years back, and the Dragon has not come to the lake since."
"It fought off the Dragon, so it comes out of the water? What is this thing, Godzilla?"
The DM than breaks character: "Yes, the Chief explains that this thing looks exactly like Godzilla."

After we used the Druid's Wildshape to get the key at the bottom of the lake, we were still wondering what was in the damn lake. So the Rogue/Fighter explains: " I am taking a pot and pan and banging it into the water trying to get 'Godzilla' to come out."
DM: "The Chief instantly shouts 'PACK YOUR *stuff*! WE ARE LEAVING!' The entire caravan disappears down the road."

So here is the Rogue/Fighter, beating away at the pot and pan. Luckily, he made his spot check to see that something was coming out of the water. He runs back.

DM: "Ok, Monster Manual. Alright, this is what you see..."
To our extreme horror, out of the water comes the Tarrasque

We have still not forgiven the DM...

Callos_DeTerran
2008-12-02, 11:41 PM
We have still not forgiven the DM...


...You blame the DM for that one?:smallannoyed: From the sounds of it you were warned, several times and with poignant examples, that whatever was in the lake was not something to mess with and then your party member had to go and wake it up. I wouldn't blame the DM for that.

Shadic
2008-12-03, 12:16 AM
I put what was more or less a door nailed onto a solid stone wall on the other side of the door, and my player (solo campaign) spent 56 HP trying to kick it down. Lucky there was an NPC Cleric healing him.

newbDM
2008-12-03, 12:21 AM
An angry pimp

It was in a d20 modern and the dm sent an angry pimp and his girls at us no joke

And how exactly did that encounter go?


I ask, because I SO want to steal it. I am thinking for about level 1-2 characters, they can be hired to remove the "filth" (a brothel) from my home base city. I am thinking they walk in, and suddenly the pimp screams out an order and all the all the half-naked whores (level 1 commoners) pull out crossbows and such from apparently no where and start shooting up the place. Oh, I so need to figure out how to stat this all up. :smallbiggrin:

Thanks for the idea!

Reinboom
2008-12-03, 12:33 AM
A giant crab.
The DM was Fax Celestis.
..actually, I rather enjoyed it.



At the FLGS I work at, each Tuesday I get to overhear one group who comes there play in an epic level 3.5 game (in the 40+ levels, iirc), that somehow hasn't degenerated in balance among party members. I don't think they really use epic spellcasting though.
Last week, the encounter I watched of theirs: a swarm of demiliches.

Kris Strife
2008-12-03, 12:41 AM
I ask, because I SO want to steal it. I am thinking for about level 1-2 characters, they can be hired to remove the "filth" (a brothel) from my home base city. I am thinking they walk in, and suddenly the pimp screams out an order and all the all the half-naked whores (level 1 commoners) pull out crossbows and such from apparently no where and start shooting up the place. Oh, I so need to figure out how to stat this all up. :smallbiggrin:

obligatory whores and looseness joke

golentan
2008-12-03, 01:43 AM
I still feel sort of guilty about this one. So I gave my players a ship: The Ronald Evans Jr. (he was the last of the Apollo Astronauts, and never got to land on the moon). The ship is about 500 years old, and was captured from the Solomani 200 years ago. To paraphrase: "It's held together by a brand of chewing gum they haven't made for 200 years." It was a junker when built, it was more of a junker when captured, and after 200 years, the parts are held together by improvised hookups since the original parts aren't standardized. Every time they took off, I rolled on a random chart to see what went wrong.

In this case it was an infestation. Bugs about the size of your fist. Made of silicon. They chewed through the insulation to eat the wires onboard the ship, causing power outages, rapidly fluctuating life support, and general nastiness. Since they're evolved for life in a vacuum, the party can't just flush the life support. Since they're silicon, they can't set the cat on them (not to say they didn't try; the cat died a week later of an obstructed bowel). Since they're already transporting 5 times the legal number of passengers in the form of mercenaries on their way to a training exercise, they decide to offer a reward for each dead bug. And roll a one on their diplomacy check.

"Halfway through your speech on 'destroying the hideous, parasitic vermin among us, you notice the mercenaries looking at you in horror and revulsion. Looking closer, you see a private in the back row, petting a happily chirping bug with one hand while feeding it a spare microchip with the other. You falter, and stop. From the crowd you hear mutters of anger."

"Change of plans. If you can catch one of these adorable critters, we're giving them away FREE as pets! Be sure to buy plenty of chow for them from our used computer parts inventory!"

That was fun.

Lorien077
2008-12-03, 02:54 AM
LAAAAAAND KRAKEEEEN!
I'm serious. All of the PCs could fly, and one insisted upon flying just above the treeline to ensure she didn't miss anything of interest below. The other PCs saw a tentacle snatch Akroma out of the air and well... it was an interesting fight.

I thought it was hilarious. Especially since none of the characters questioned how it got there. Apparently it lived off of eating commoners or something, because we found a ton of copper pieces in its stomach.

Behold_the_Void
2008-12-03, 03:09 AM
So a lower CR than Baal?

Of course. It was just an Overlord and they were only level 30.

Zergrusheddie
2008-12-03, 03:15 AM
Here we are, a first level group. Level 1, level 1, First freaking' level...

We are entering this tower where the "Evil Wizard Landig lives. He is planning on attacking the town with his puppets." The tower was very neat, with Marionettes everywhere that were the minions we had to slaughter.

Final fight. We are at the top of the tower. The Wizard shouts something like “Die, maggots!” and we charge. Well, Mr. Wizard won initiative.
The Wizard than casts, on a level 1 party, a 5d6 Fireball with a reflex save of 17…
My Monk managed to just barely be outside of the blast. I promptly jumped out of the window and took 3d6 and ran off with 2 HP left. Everyone else was killed in the Fireball.

The statement came from the host: “You just Fireballed a level 1 group; what the hell were you thinking?!”

Belobog
2008-12-03, 03:25 AM
Well, this might be a little unfair, since this particular battle was 40+ characters(each player had around 3 characters), but one of the the things that was sent at us was described as a Ravager.

So picture this; 16' tall humanoid monstrosity, made from stitched-up cadavers and animated by pure hatred. Around 500 HP, DR 15/-, fast healing 5, immune to critical hits, all saving modifier very high. Had claw attacks that could deal 60-80 points of damage a swing, along with a rake ability, which it almost always got off because of its ridiculous attack modifier. Jump checks into the 90s for move actions, along with Power Attack, Leap Attack, and Pounce. Could fire a breath of plasma from its mouth every round as a free action.There were four of them.

This was the same battle that held a Psionic Lich, A Worm That Walks (arguably, he didn't do anything), telepathic zombie Metaminds, and four-armed, cybernetic skeletons who dual wielded chain saws and machine guns at the same time.

We were around level 14-16, the highest levels being the 'new guys'.

Avilan the Grey
2008-12-03, 03:56 AM
Damaged Pleasure robots gone bonkers.

SF Setting, of course. Nuclear wasteland setting to be precise.
Turns out that this house we found was inhabited by the last generation of AI-enhanced pleasure droids from before the war. Without a master for so long they had evolved independence and was not about to have it taken away (turns out they were afraid of any human because they might know the keyword for making them obidient again) so they attacked all humans on sight.

Think Betty Page meets Terminator. With two rocket launcers, several small arms and an El Camino with a minigun mounted on the back...

We ran. Fast.

Narmoth
2008-12-03, 05:17 AM
I put what was more or less a door nailed onto a solid stone wall on the other side of the door, and my player (solo campaign) spent 56 HP trying to kick it down. Lucky there was an NPC Cleric healing him.

awesome.

Once, when the groups ranger listened at a door, I had the door bite him. He stopped listening to doors after that

Avilan the Grey
2008-12-03, 05:21 AM
awesome.

Once, when the groups ranger listened at a door, I had the door bite him. He stopped listening to doors after that

We did not experience anything this creative. We did however manage to break a sword (as an improvised crowbar) to get through a heavy double door that turned out to lead to a brick wall half a foot in (the wing of the castle the door led to had burned down and was never rebuilt, they just fixed the wall on that side).
The fighter was a tad pissed off. On the other hand he found his first good (+2) magical sword in that castle later so he forgave the other players for using his blade.

Mercenary Pen
2008-12-03, 05:43 AM
awesome.

Once, when the groups ranger listened at a door, I had the door bite him. He stopped listening to doors after that

You should have had the door start telling the ranger about its deep-seated emotional problems... Then bite the ranger if the door still had the chance...

Kaiyanwang
2008-12-03, 05:44 AM
Sorta fantasy version of the god Priapus. :smalleek:

charl
2008-12-03, 05:46 AM
This was something like 13 years ago, playing DnD first edition. Our dynamic duo consisting of my character, a cynical and sarcastic cleric of a (supposedly dead) diety and a dangerously handsome womanising swashbuckler-like elf. Walking down a dark dungeon passage while looking for a way into the headquarters of the evil thieves guild to save the kidnapped knight in shining armour king, we take a wrong turn and stumble on an ogre. My elven friend draws his sword and tells me to get ready to heal him, and the ogre starts walking towards us. It opens its huge, fanged mouth and... asks us if we can help him find his lost cat.
We laughed.

It wasn't nearly as funny when we found his "cat" and it turned out to be an ice dragon.

BardicDuelist
2008-12-03, 08:54 AM
I had a strange creature sent after me.

It had a semi-spherical body, with no arms and two stubby legs. It was a shade of light-gray with very small beady eyes and a large mouth that spanned nearly the width of it's body. It was perpetually smiling.

It also wore a tiny bowler hat that enabled spider-climb.

This was all to make a joke about the fact that, at the time, I had worn a bowler had to every D&D session for the past two years. He even made a miniature to carry out this strange joke.

charl
2008-12-03, 09:23 AM
I had a strange creature sent after me.

It had a semi-spherical body, with no arms and two stubby legs. It was a shade of light-gray with very small beady eyes and a large mouth that spanned nearly the width of it's body. It was perpetually smiling.

It also wore a tiny bowler hat that enabled spider-climb.

This was all to make a joke about the fact that, at the time, I had worn a bowler had to every D&D session for the past two years. He even made a miniature to carry out this strange joke.

Squigs? (http://www.netmdc.com/~longfang/Subpages/Orc_Gallery_files/Squig%20Herd%202.jpg) With magic bowler hats? O_O I wish I was a whfb player just so I could mod a herd with those.

Caeldrim
2008-12-03, 09:23 PM
Two words:

Calzone Golem.

The worst part was that it was from a WotC published module.

'You slash into the golem's body... Hot cheese and tomato sauce splash onto you, dealing.... 5 points of damage. You're now unconscious.'

*sigh*

newbDM
2008-12-03, 09:49 PM
Two words:

Calzone Golem.

The worst part was that it was from a WotC published module.

'You slash into the golem's body... Hot cheese and tomato sauce splash onto you, dealing.... 5 points of damage. You're now unconscious.'

*sigh*

Damn. And here I have been dying to get a chance to run that mini module. :smallbiggrin:

I was actually rereading it for inspiration right before I clicked to see your new post.

newbDM
2008-12-03, 10:08 PM
edit:
Double post due to forum troubles.

Occasional Sage
2008-12-03, 10:50 PM
I hope there's somebody reading this thread who remembers this far back (Charl, I'm looking at you)....

I had a DM who used a Giant Miniature Lernean Bombadier Giant Space Hamster of Doom in an urban adventure. IIRC, the Hamster was the object of worship for a subterranean half-elven criminal guild in... I forget the FR city, there was a paladin king....

Kris Strife
2008-12-04, 12:48 AM
Of course. It was just an Overlord and they were only level 30.

How on earth did they get their picnic basket back from Mid-Boss?
(I'm certain its not Laharl's Netherworld, but Mid-Boss goes where he wants)

Miraqariftsky
2008-12-04, 02:01 AM
Not quite "dumb" monsters... but damned well horrifying...

Possible violation of Forum Rules...

A pair of gigantic slim-trailing massively pubically tentacled acid-spewing flesh-eating fiend-infused phalluses...

Thant
2008-12-04, 02:57 AM
Last month - around one hundred small cute white rabbits...which were purposefully infected with rabies and then ritually sacrificed and turned undead so that their little souls could never find peace. Bastards even left them fertile through some sort of special "magic fertility imbuing process"; and when they ran out of carrots, they started to see a similarity between said vegetable and human(oid) fingers/toes/*censored*...:smallannoyed: We had to run away on the other side of the continent with countless refugees following in our steps (4 nations were overrun in the next few months by the unstoppable hopping apocalypse) and just a session ago we devised a plan that might work before they catch up on us...may gods help us all.

ericgrau
2008-12-04, 06:23 AM
Gnome Ants. Go ahead, soak it in. But it's been far from a serious game, so it's all good.:smallbiggrin:

AslanCross
2008-12-04, 06:38 AM
Sorta fantasy version of the god Priapus. :smalleek:

...:smalleek:

I don't ever want to see that. How does he ATTACK?

Tengu_temp
2008-12-04, 06:42 AM
...:smalleek:

I don't ever want to see that. How does he ATTACK?

Area-of-effect conical bursts.

serok42
2008-12-04, 07:14 AM
I made them fight a cookie gollum in the tower of a wizard/master pastry chef. Chocolate chip to be exact. It spewed molten frosting as a breath weapon. They ate him afterwards.

Kris Strife
2008-12-04, 07:26 AM
I made them fight a cookie gollum in the tower of a wizard/master pastry chef. Chocolate chip to be exact. It spewed molten frosting as a breath weapon. They ate him afterwards.

I actually had a party that did that with every other monster they fought...

Gardakan
2008-12-04, 07:31 AM
A 15 level wizard that was having fun to throw objects in our face.

The Table - Do you see the table - It hurt a table in front of your face.


A table doing 4d6 + 30 damage isn't so good...

Kaiyanwang
2008-12-04, 07:55 AM
Area-of-effect conical bursts.

Tengu wins.

KeresM
2008-12-04, 09:42 AM
How could I possibly have forgotten the feces golem?

Kaiyanwang
2008-12-04, 09:48 AM
Mmmh things are becoming uncomfortable (and It's my fault).

Anyway, I think our DMs could sometimes read something about Freud.

DigoDragon
2008-12-04, 10:26 AM
Since I'm usually the DM, here's one of my favorite exploits:

The genre was a near-future sci-fi campaign with conspiracy elements. The players were breaking into an automated factory on Mars owned by the BBEG. The factory was broken into minutes earlier by a rival group that uploaded a virus into the central computer which networks with all the other robots and machines here.

Things got stupid...

The dumbest 'monster' the party had to fight was actually a pair of them-- an automated fork-lift that went berzerk with the virus and spoke solely in spanish (Yes, I spoke only in spanish when I ran it IC) and a floor-buffer that took on the personality of a Dalek. Now the fork-lift can be dangerous, yes... but no one should ever have to admit they were taken out by a floor buffer. :smallwink:

Tacoma
2008-12-04, 02:15 PM
My DM had this one dragon fight where the dragon was a vampire. Lolwut? Sure.

But behind the dragon was this big pulsing egg with a weird fetal proto-dragon gleaming inside. I figure, this is some kind of phylactery and I need to smash it to kill the dragon.

Instead, the vampire dragon's clone steps out. Suddenly fully formed. With a full complement of memorized spells and the ability to breathe and fly. I though, no sweat, this is 2E and clones always attack their brothers until only one is left. They even know the locations and singlemindedly track them down. Time to sit back and pick off the survivor, right?

Wrong. The two vampire dragons attacked us at once and blasted everyone. I mentioned how the Clone spell works. DM was like, pshaw, this is a Special Dragon Clone Spell.

Wait, what? You heard me. The clone that was just born was also an undead vampire dragon.

We ended up beating it because the DM regularly allowed any characters who died to roll a "god check" on d% and if you rolled 01-03 your god's avatar showed up and dealt with bidness. If you were "on a quest" (as in a religious quest that the god cared about) the percentage was a bit higher. But it was really just a way for him to weasel out of the constant TPKs.

One time we were 3rd level and we were attacked by numerous trolls. It was monstrously unbalanced. We ran but they ran faster.

The disenchanters were a regrettably common sight at high level. Especially the regrettably common "disenchanter army hiding behind holes in the wall so they can suck your items and you can't kill them right away" encounter.

newbDM
2008-12-04, 02:27 PM
The dumbest 'monster' the party had to fight was actually a pair of them-- an automated fork-lift that went berzerk with the virus and spoke solely in spanish (Yes, I spoke only in spanish when I ran it IC) and a floor-buffer that took on the personality of a Dalek. Now the fork-lift can be dangerous, yes... but no one should ever have to admit they were taken out by a floor buffer. :smallwink:

http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f173/celestialkin/ccf92c65.png

Mama?



And I just have to ask, were there any Hispanics in the group? :smallbiggrin:

edit:
Let me rephrase that. Any Hispanic who actually know Spanish? You'd be surprised...:smallredface:

Frerezar
2008-12-04, 03:16 PM
this actually happened recently. We were chasing a bad guy dow some tunels to stop him fromstealign a artifact on a deep cave. When we got there it was being guarded by a juvenile silver dragon who attacked us. (since we were more the DM said it tought we were the bad guys against the one. So we do not attak him because we were goodie goods and so the BEBG runs away with the artifact unnoticed. so of course the dragon blame sus and attacks us again, we defend but not attack, however our rogue steals some o the treasure. The draognstarts aguing against us. Long story short he ends up crying to make us leave his treasure:smallfurious:

Zanatos777
2008-12-04, 04:16 PM
Two words:

Calzone Golem.

The worst part was that it was from a WotC published module.

'You slash into the golem's body... Hot cheese and tomato sauce splash onto you, dealing.... 5 points of damage. You're now unconscious.'

*sigh*

Wait how many other people have faced this thing? When my friend sent it at us we assumed his dad made it up years ago since he said he had fought it before.

angry_beaver
2008-12-04, 09:25 PM
We ate the Calzone golem. For a low level adventure, I think that ones actually pretty slick.

evil-frosty
2008-12-04, 10:28 PM
when i was 5 and had no clue wat i was doing i sent pokemon at my dad they did the dmg on the cards and had the hp as well it was hilarios i killed my dads characters so many times that it was starting to loose its fun back then (remember i was little):smallbiggrin:

DiscipleofBob
2008-12-04, 10:46 PM
A minotaur wearing a Sunday dress who wielded a giant apple as a weapon and summoned giant worms from said apple. In one part of this fight, our party members were separated and we had to fight 4 of the worms separately and kill them at the exact same time.

Sacrath
2008-12-05, 12:16 AM
The Juggernaut MM2 Pg 132. Its huge, wheeled and nearly invincible. It grabs you and smashes you under its immense bulk... but it doesn't have to because it has Forcecage as an at will spell like ability! Better hope you can kill it in x-1* rounds cause otherwise you are all suffocating to death, no save.

*where x is the number of members in your party plus the number of disintegrates and dimension doors your wizard has memorized

We teleported away and trapped in a hole a day later, and filled the hole with acid.

ScionofImperius
2008-12-05, 03:33 AM
my DM sent a 3 person party, (duskblade, swashbuckler, blackguard) all around level 21 against a kraken.

so the kraken comes out of the water, and we figure, no problem it is just a kraken. The DM had applied a template to it that gave it spell resistance based on its hit dice. the monster, with its 100 sr, and an armor class above 60, attacked us. in a single turn all 3 of us were grappled, lost about 100 to 150 hit points, and were freaking out. a quick cast dimension hop, a regroup and a dimension door later, we were abandoning the people of the island to the kraken. he still jokes to this day whenever our party feels good about themselves that we could always go back and try and kill the kraken again.

Oslecamo
2008-12-05, 08:20 AM
my DM sent a 3 person party, (duskblade, swashbuckler, blackguard) all around level 21 against a kraken.

so the kraken comes out of the water, and we figure, no problem it is just a kraken. The DM had applied a template to it that gave it spell resistance based on its hit dice. the monster, with its 100 sr, and an armor class above 60, attacked us. in a single turn all 3 of us were grappled, lost about 100 to 150 hit points, and were freaking out. a quick cast dimension hop, a regroup and a dimension door later, we were abandoning the people of the island to the kraken. he still jokes to this day whenever our party feels good about themselves that we could always go back and try and kill the kraken again.

I don't see what's wrong with this one. You were freaking level 21 after all, you're suposed to be facing monsters with insane AC and spell resistance.

No ring of freedom of movement or close combat quarters? No way to insanely boost your to hit chance or make touch attacks? How did you get at level 21 in the first place?

Sacrath:Yeah, that juggernaut is one very nasty monster, altough I think it could be a quite good ecounter if the DM just ignores the at will forcecage. It's a mindless construct after all.

DigoDragon
2008-12-05, 09:01 AM
Let me rephrase that. Any Hispanic who actually know Spanish? You'd be surprised...:smallredface:

Heh heh, at the time I ran the adventure, I was the only Hispanic in the group with any knowledge on the Spanish language. Second place was my then girlfriend who only knew how to ask for directions to the bathroom (Important to know anyway), but I digress. :smallsmile:

Maerok
2008-12-05, 12:25 PM
Our DM sent an evil VP of the US Cheney at us.

No joke.

Sucks when he is possesed by a demon which gives him supernatural powers and he has about 15+ levels in Wizard.

So what effect did the demon have on him? :smalltongue:

Alaxi
2009-02-22, 11:06 PM
I think the worst encounter I have ever had the pleasure of annihilating a party with is a half-dragon/half-seacat. The beast laired far underwater, and the party was searching for a certain pearl for a wizard.....which happened to be in this thing's home. Parlay was not acceptable to this meow-scratch animal. What became of this encounter, well.........Lets just say sushi had a new flavor.


As for me as a player.....Probably walking into a cave where the DM (who was a complete IDIOT) described to us a mating ritual......a tarrasque and a great wyrm blue dragon. The offspring that attacked the castle we took over in the campaign were......well.................................... .....Alienists would have creamed themselves.

Wystrell
2009-02-23, 01:41 AM
That adventure is still downloadable. In fact, all of them are. Wizards did an incredible job of making a massive amount of content, both for purchase and free for download. You can't seem to navigate to the 3.5 section through the main Wizards site anymore, but if you search for "dnd 3.5 character sheet" through Google, the old section is the first to pop up.

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/oa/20010413a

The "Something's Cooking" adventure.

I'd say all of the encounters I've had have been pretty reasonable... I intend to change that now that I'm a DM. My original idea for their first level campaign was to put them in a ridiculous battle that would have to TPK them, and then send them to the Nine Hells and say, "now find your way out." Sadly, there are no easy monsters in the Nine Hells, so their arses were saved in favor of some dire rats. :D

Iliad
2009-02-23, 01:51 AM
The worst encounter was completely planned by our dm. Vampire spawn storming out from a citadel into a city, human guard keeping them at bay on a bridge across a moat. The main guard quickly tells us to run to the cathedral where we will be teleported to the main vampire, which is our only hope of defeating these vampires, who will otherwise run over the city.

We sprint to the cathedral and get teleported. We see the BBEG and his MBEG together and get fullly pumped, and we are a level 9 part of a Half Elf Swashbuckler/Duelist, Aasimar Sorcerer, Human Sorcerer, Elf Druid.

The MBEG turns out to be an illusion, the real MBEG using invisibility hanging from a chandelier 100 feet above. Gust of wind got rid of him.

However I, the swashbuckler, charge the BBEG. I get an attack of, and things look pretty good. The BBEG attacks and deals 60 damage to my 85 hp frame. I think, ok the cleric will heal me.

I underestimate the healing power of the cleric healing power. I get slaughtered to -30 hp on the next round. The DM shows me who it is. A 17 level vampire fighter. ... Against 4 level 9s.

I watch in horror as each character is reduced to mush in turn, the sorcerer flinging empowered magic missiles at it. He's reduced to about half damage at the end of the fight, and all of us 4 dead.

Apparently it was to railroad us to turn into vampires.

But sending a CR 25 encounter against a group of level 9's, is just ridicilous. If we at least realised it was CR 25 it would've been okay-we would've ran the **** away. But this way.

Narmoth
2009-02-23, 02:53 AM
The disenchanters were a regrettably common sight at high level. Especially the regrettably common "disenchanter army hiding behind holes in the wall so they can suck your items and you can't kill them right away" encounter.

Can't you take them with area spells, like wall of fire, or fog-spells?

Kyouhen
2009-02-23, 03:24 AM
I'd say all of the encounters I've had have been pretty reasonable... I intend to change that now that I'm a DM. My original idea for their first level campaign was to put them in a ridiculous battle that would have to TPK them, and then send them to the Nine Hells and say, "now find your way out." Sadly, there are no easy monsters in the Nine Hells, so their arses were saved in favor of some dire rats. :D

Actually, that idea could work. I'm not too familiar with the Nine Hells, but you could encourage them ahead of time to try and go for more stealth-based characters. Then just rework the effects of dying down there since they're already dead.

Xuincherguixe
2009-02-23, 03:25 AM
This is simultaneously the dumbest and most awesome.

In a previous encounter, I had obtained a potion, which I was informed was poison. We were fighting a red dragon, and so I figured I'd throw it into it's mouth.

It disintegrated gruesomely.

Well, as it turned out, there was this strange plague affecting everyone. In fact, it was turning people into gibbering mouthers.

We do a little investigating, and find out that the plague is a musical hivemind of the red dragon trying to bring itself back to life.

We do this, and then proceed to kill it, again.


Of course, it could be said that my PC, who was constantly changing genders while not being bothered by it at all, and going around brutally murdering, and making it look like a group of Paladins had a drunk orgy after beating them up was the real monster. Man that was a fun character.

Starscream
2009-02-23, 03:53 AM
Once sent a bunch of giant bees with the zombie template at my players.

Get it? ZombBees? I'm lucky they didn't rise as one and slay me for that.

In my defense, I had like an hour to put that campaign together.

Eleutherius
2009-02-23, 02:45 PM
I think the dumbest thing I ever set my players up against was actually an entire adventure. We had a player who took over the campaign with his halfling rogue/bard who worshipped a God called Bock Lee.

While on a mission for his deity trying to locate a minor artefact I introduced a red herring clue that led him to a castle in the forest. The castle was inhabited by the characters of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” I had spent the entire previous night coming up with names and stats for all the background dancers.

When Eddie came out of the deep freeze (I actually used a recurring character in his place), an enormous fight took place. The battle concluded with The party killing everyone and taking Riff-Raff’s antimatter gun as loot.

Knaight
2009-02-23, 03:46 PM
In retrospect, it was the flaming squirrels with swords who threw flaming apples, and exploded. I was GMing at the time, and at one point one of the players was screwing up an herbal healing potion. So one of the other players drinks part of it, and heals, with the side affect of a massive pus filled sack going over his back and forcing a hunch. Then this squirrel comes out of a tree, and hops on the pus sack, and starts drinking it. The squirrel starts mutating, and getting bigger, and one of the characters tries to ask to kill it(The player was playing a monk who could only speak in proverbs, named Silent Gecko Hunts Quietly). The other player decides to be a genius, and lets the squirrel drink the entire pus sack, then move on to the potion. At this point its about 4 feet tall, and semi-humanoid. The squirrel then drinks some alchemists fire, and gains the ability to explode, and throw flaming apples of doom. The players decide to let the squirrel go its own way, and pretty soon there is an entire species of them, and they have been taken over as minions by a demonic warlock, who was one of their main recurring enemies. The other was a spirit known as the Servant(who constantly bitched about not being named when she was created) who possessed people, had a pool full of mercury that held absurd amounts of magic, and had a whalebone sword with glyphs in the side made of ash and mercury, with a mercury edge, so the warlock needed the squirrels to keep up.

Then there was the matter of the museum. Basically there was this massive museum, with hundreds of thousands of exhibits, and you could walk through the glass, into a huge world full of one species. They found out about it when a bunch of drug addicts known as the Black Hand (they also were drug dealers, the monk failed a roll at knowing which underworld contact of his were mercenaries), lead them to a place full of an herb that made anyone who smoked it totally peaceful, in addition to immensely high. One of the players had developed a drug addiction to it, and went through another window, into a room full of what were basically larger saber-tooth tigers. He then managed to get two of them totally high through second hand smoking, and lead them out as mounts. Then there was the matter of the geology exhibits, which the mercury came from (it turned out a magical stone produced it), and the golem work shop floor, where the players commissioned a whole bunch of golems made out of some magical materials in the geology exhibits. The game ended with total warfare with golems against various undead, the players dispatching the second and third servant(made by the second and third best necromancers), and fighting the Servant(who blew one of them up), while one of the golems(controlled by the player who got his angel character blown up) ran threw the city and killed the top necromancer.

It was a comic campaign, but between the squirrel and some of the golems, there were some dumb monsters. On the other hand Servants 1 and 2 were awesome.

Advocate
2009-02-23, 04:21 PM
Funny thing is, Giant Crabs are actually walking TPKs against level appropriate PCs. Especially before Stormwrack nerfed them.

My stupidest? A Roper. Normal Ropers are just horrible for level 11 creatures. Advanced to the max versions are not much better at CR 18-19. It barely even did anything all fight. It did give a lot of XP though.

Dixieboy
2009-02-23, 05:55 PM
An animated gazebo

A octopusesque thingy with levels in monk

and

an ogre Ninja