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The Demented One
2006-02-12, 06:00 PM
Box Text
As you walk, aimlessly, through the snow, you see a strange light, shining off in the distance. After a few minutes (Seconds? Hours?) of walking, you come to its source. A lantern, hanging from a sign, enscribed with the words "The Dementia Lounge", and depiciting some manner of unpleasent, tentacled creature, akin to an illithid, but far less pleasing to the eye. Alongside the sign is a door, free of any doorframe. You open it, revealing a shining rectangle of light. You walk through it, to find yourself faced with the flesh-and-blood creature depicted on the side! It looks at you, and burbles unpleasently. It then, completely unexpectedly, holds out a mug of beer to you with a tentacle, a cries "Welcome to the Dementia Lounge!"

Description
The Dementia Lounge is one of the strangest taverns known to exist. Rather than being a single building or structure, it is a set of rooms, located in various buildings spread throughout the planes, linked together by planar portals, which appear to be nothing more than mundane doors. Most of the Dementia Lounge's rooms exist in the Far Realms--which explains its name, as well as its high aberration patronage--though it also extends into the Material Plane, the Abyss, Sigil, and various other planes.

Getting to the Dementia Lounge can be rather difficult. If one knows the location of a room, they can simply planeshift, teleport, or walk to it. Otherwise, they must simply hope they chance across a door leading to one of its rooms--the portals that link rooms across planes also allow conventional access to a room. One hoping to find the Dementia Lounge will have the most luck if they hire a an insane guide. Every time a character with 9 or less Wisdom opens a door, there is a .01% chance that the door leads to a room of the Dementia Lounge. Characters with a Wis of 7 or less have a .1% chance of finding the Lounge, characters with a Wis of 5 or below have a 10% chance. Characters with a Wisdom score have no chance whatsoever of finding a room. (Of course, powerful forces--i.e, the DM--can adjust the odds of finding a room as the plot demands.)

The interior of the Dementia Lounge is very much like the Far Realms. Every room is different, and many are full of brainsucking sins against the gods. However, the Lounge is just that--a place of peace. Ancient custom forbids combat amongst patrons in the lounge, and a +5 Vorpal Longsword under the Daelkyr barkeep's counter enforces it. However, it isn't terribly uncommon for a fight to break out, and patrons are advised to keep defensive spells active while in the bar.

Few foods and drinks are not served by the Dementia Lounge. Beholder stew, treant schnapps, and halfling brain kabobs number amonst its more popular dishes. A team of expert chefs and cocktail mixers from the Far Realms serves the clientele. Payment is always in gold or platinum. Patrons are advised not to ask for credit, because having one's brain sucked out often offends.

The Dementia Lounge deserves its name. Spending an extended period of time in the multiplanar, aberrant bar can lead to some mental stress. Every hour one spends in the Lounge, they must make a DC 20 Will save or take 1d2 points of Wisdom damage. However, this can never lower them below 1 point of Wisdom.

The Demented One
2006-02-12, 06:00 PM
NPCs

Lady Del, Proprietor
CN Pseudonatural Human Sorceress 16
Lady Del is the current owner of the Dementia Lounge, having inherited it from her great-grandfather Cthulhu. While she is technically an aberration, many of the Lounge's longtime employees look down on her for her human heritage--though they'd never disrespect her to her face.

Lady Del runs the Lounge fairly. She keeps it stocked with booze and food from the world over, ensures the portals between the rooms work, and files the paperwork. She loves the Lounge and the people in it almost idealistically, and would do anything to keep the Lounge running.

Pam, Barkeep
CG Beholder Expert 20
Pam (which is her real name) is one of the Lounge's oldest employees. For a thousand lifetimes, she has served as barkeep, using a combination of telekinesis and a very good understanding of quantum physics to serve up cocktails which, technically, can't possiby exist. Pam is loved by everyone who frequents the Lounge, patron and employee alike, and is the closest thing to a mother many of the patrons have. She is kind and loving, and always willing to make it "on the House." However, as some would-be robbers have learned, she is still a beholder--mess with her, and get disintegrated.

Henry, Keeper of the Peace and Assistant Barkeep
CE Daelkyr Expert 8
Henry (real name: Hyarinzxthlyxzinyrglky) is the latest addition to the Lounge's staff. He is Lady Del's uncle, and she hired him to help out Pam with serving drinks, as she was deluged with wave after wave of customer after Del established "buy one drink, get the square root of negative infinity more free!" night. While Henry lacks Pam's cocktail mixing prowess, he has been a valuable assistant. In addition, Henry serves to break up any fights that occur with a kind word and a very large sword.

The Demented One
2006-02-12, 06:00 PM
Reserve, reserve, reserve the post!

Quincunx
2006-03-10, 06:04 PM
Er. . .Is this filed under Fantasy, Science Fiction, Both, or Yes?

The Glyphstone
2006-03-10, 06:44 PM
I'd say Fantasy.

Cool...looks like the Far Realms is a popular topic to involve (at least to some degree) in taverns. :D

Aren't beholders supposed to be asexual, though?