PDA

View Full Version : I take a Potato Chip...AND EAT IT!



Signmaker
2008-12-17, 06:56 PM
As said by one evil psycopath, whose natural 20 in penmanship killed a man.

Simply put, share your stories of characters that have epicly done the mundane (as opposed to a mundane epic).

kladams707
2008-12-17, 06:59 PM
whenever the dm says "you see _____", I say it in a nonthreatining, almost ben stein voice "I see _____"

Nerd-o-rama
2008-12-17, 07:00 PM
I once beat a lich to death with a baseball bat, if that counts. Actually, I did it repeatedly, since he kinda cheated on his regeneration.

EDIT: on second thought, this is more like doing the epic mundanely.

Signmaker
2008-12-17, 07:04 PM
I had a character with Perform (Dance). One day, I jokingly asked the DM what the DC on a Fred Astaire Ceiling Dance would be, and the DM replied "60".

A few minutes later, my bard defied gravity and danced her way around a giant pit trap. Granted, the sorceress could have just casted a Fly spell on us all, but I was somewhat confident in my 15% +Action roll chance.

Tacoma
2008-12-17, 07:05 PM
whenever the dm says "you see _____", I say it in a nonthreatining, almost ben stein voice "I see _____"

I will use this. This will be used by me.

Grey Paladin
2008-12-17, 07:12 PM
I was playing in a group which insisted on rolling for every single minor detail, so I took it one step farther: I rolled for walking, opening doors, making sarcastic comments- everything.

Eventually, this happened:

'I slam the door open'

20

'I step in'

20

'I point at the Mayor, shouting 'WHERE IS THE TEMPLE!?'

20

This lead to the DM spending the next 15 minutes describing the exact location of the temple in obsessive detail.

EDIT: My friend wanted me to share his . . . experience . . . from DMing for the first time 6 years ago.

This conversation took place in the middle of combat:
'Can I eat a Kobold?'
'. . What?'
'Can I eat a Kobold?'
' . . . No'
'What if I roll a 20?'
'N-'

20

'Great! I eat it!'
'I said no!'
'What if I roll another 20?'
'NO!'
'Twice!?'
'Fine, lets get this over with'

20
20

He still refused to let him eat the Kobold. Jerk.

Lert, A.
2008-12-17, 07:21 PM
"I grasp the lemon wedge between thumb and index finger. Carefully, so as to not spray myself or others, I SQUEEZE the lemon until the last drop comes forth. I place a cube of sugar in the cup. Again. THRICE! The tea is perfect. I DRINK IT!"

I skipped the part where I boiled the water and added the leaves and such.

Tacoma
2008-12-17, 07:23 PM
Three lemons and three sugars? That is hardly a mundane tea.

Fax Celestis
2008-12-17, 07:27 PM
Three lemons and three sugars? That is hardly a mundane tea.

That's not tea, that's herb-flavored sugary lemon-water.

Tacoma
2008-12-17, 07:32 PM
That's not tea, that's herb-flavored sugary lemon-water.

Admittedly, we don't know how big the teacup is. Maybe it's like making the world's largest burrito (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2001/04/29/CM162769.DTL).

Fax Celestis
2008-12-17, 07:33 PM
Admittedly, we don't know how big the teacup is. Maybe it's like making the world's largest burrito (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2001/04/29/CM162769.DTL).

Regdar gets a hummer and a burrito?

Lert, A.
2008-12-17, 07:33 PM
That's not tea, that's herb-flavored sugary lemon-water.

Well, it was supposed to be one slice of lemon, and the character was an Orc who liked sweet tea.

Edit: the cup was fairly large. Adventurer Orcs don't do well with fine china.

Tacoma
2008-12-17, 07:35 PM
Regdar gets a hummer and a burrito?

Probably. And then he drives away in a Humvee vehicle, which is separate from the other things that happened earlier.

Lert, A.
2008-12-17, 07:36 PM
Probably. And then he drives away in a Humvee vehicle, which is separate from the other things that happened earlier.

I see what you did there.:smalltongue:

CompositeSanta
2008-12-17, 07:37 PM
In a PBP, I had a dragon shaman with a super high skill in Craft (Refreshing Alcoholic Beverages).

Many of my drinks involved using lightning breath on the shakers and such.

Signmaker
2008-12-17, 07:46 PM
In a PBP, I had a dragon shaman with a super high skill in Craft (Refreshing Alcoholic Beverages).

Many of my drinks involved using lightning breath on the shakers and such.

Shock'n, not stirred?

FoE
2008-12-17, 07:56 PM
I lassoed a hobgoblin once. Around the neck.

So this is a 1E game, and me and my friend had just been chucked into jail after this hobgoblin king gave us a sound beating. We got our (non-magical) equipment, but none of our weapons and magic items. Not knowing any other way out of our situation, I ask the DM if I could attempt to lasso the hobgoblin guard.

Feeling pity for us, the DM says "OK, you got like a five per cent chance of actually catching him with my lasso." (Keep in mind this is 1E, so 100 percentile dice are a must.) I roll a 00 on the first try. I lassoed the hobgoblin, dragged him over to the cell door and stole his keys.

A half-hour later, we were standing over the hobgoblin king's corpse.

Tacoma
2008-12-17, 07:59 PM
I lassoed a hobgoblin once. Around the neck.

All good stories begin somewhat like this.



A half-hour later, we were standing over the hobgoblin king's corpse.
And end just about like this.

potatocubed
2008-12-17, 08:01 PM
7th Sea is great for this. My last character's highest skill was Millinery (hat-making).

One of the other characters in that game had the Shopping skill. While we were stopped in a pirate port she just 'went shopping'... and rolled something like 70+ on three (open-ended) d10.

It was a shopping trip of legend, that none of us really knew how to describe. She shopped as the gods would shop, and pirates everywhere still tell the story of that day.

They also still tell the story of the flying sea bear, but that's another story entirely...

Lert, A.
2008-12-17, 08:02 PM
All good stories begin somewhat like this.


And end just about like this.

Although in the context of the thread, it should involve the tying of the rope in a detailed and intense manner.

Ulti
2008-12-17, 08:16 PM
In one of my campaigns we discovered who the bad guy was.


By doing some awkward things with some awkward sex-goddess worshipping elves.

Naked.

The romp ended up with 2 of us in jail and.1 of us unconcious from fall damage- without us even confronting the villain yet.

Mark Hall
2008-12-17, 08:30 PM
I once wrote a couple or three pages describing my character getting up and doing his morning exercises.

I also had a blog for a little while about my Shadowrun ganger trying to make a living the Yakuza... mostly catching him at moments when he was doing absolutely nothing.

Draz74
2008-12-17, 09:52 PM
I lassoed a hobgoblin once. Around the neck.

I lassoed a vampire. In 3.5e. Animate Rope spell, my wizard entangled and Tripped him while the rest of the party beat on the other vampires and finished this one off.

John Campbell
2008-12-18, 01:15 AM
He still refused to let him eat the Kobold. Jerk.
That's probably fortunate, because as everyone who's ever played nethack knows, kobolds are poisonous.

It's all the heavy metals.

bosssmiley
2008-12-18, 05:17 AM
I had a character with Perform (Dance). One day, I jokingly asked the DM what the DC on a Fred Astaire Ceiling Dance would be, and the DM replied "60".

A few minutes later, my bard defied gravity and danced her way around a giant pit trap. Granted, the sorceress could have just casted a Fly spell on us all, but I was somewhat confident in my 15% +Action roll chance.

Christopher Walken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hDGAvqwgdk) approves of your anti-gravity dance number.

"I hear Newton weeping! (http://www.collectedcurios.com/SAS_0061_Small.jpg)" :smallbiggrin:

Hallavast
2008-12-18, 05:54 AM
Regdar gets a hummer and a burrito?

SNEAK ATTACK!


In one of my campaigns we discovered who the bad guy was.


By doing some awkward things with some awkward sex-goddess worshipping elves.

Naked.

The romp ended up with 2 of us in jail and.1 of us unconcious from fall damage- without us even confronting the villain yet.

Jailed Cleric: All hail the Awkward Sex-Goddess!
Guard: ... you mean Jill?
Jailed Fighter: Aye, that's the one.

Tempest Fennac
2008-12-18, 06:08 AM
How did you get out of prison after that? Also, why was the awkwardness necessary?

Nerd-o-rama
2008-12-18, 06:47 AM
I remembered a better one for the character mentioned earlier.

Mid-level Paladin
vs.
Vending Machine.

Winner: vending machine. (http://plothook.net/RPG/showpost.php?p=245735&postcount=638)

SmallFurryMamml
2008-12-18, 07:30 AM
I lassoed a vampire. In 3.5e. Animate Rope spell, my wizard entangled and Tripped him while the rest of the party beat on the other vampires and finished this one off.

Oh, animate rope.

I had a stealth bard in 3.5e who used Animate rope almost exclusivley.

He also used mage hand to pick up his throwing dagger and bring it back to him, or to stab someone with it without them noticing.

Avilan the Grey
2008-12-18, 08:21 AM
Cuthulu, something as odd as mid 1980ies setting

My character missed the ice-cream truck.
Seriously, we were sitting doing some reading at one character's house, and the ice cream truck came by (as part of "every day suburbia description"). My character decides he wants some, startling both the GM and the other players by running out to get some, miss the truck and to the dismay of the GM get in the car and catch up to the truck...

Serious business, Ice cream.

newbDM
2008-12-18, 09:36 AM
Well, my favorite recurring character is a grey elf psion. So we are currently in a drow fort in the Demonweb Pits. We manage to sneak in, and we are in the head drow priestess's chambers. He decides to start going through her belongs. Long story short, he spends the rest of that adventure with the head drow priestess's unmentionables on his head.

The pantie raid of a life-time. :smallbiggrin:

Aquillion
2008-12-18, 01:20 PM
This conversation took place in the middle of combat:
'Can I eat a Kobold?'
'. . What?'
'Can I eat a Kobold?'
' . . . No'
'What if I roll a 20?'
'N-'

20

'Great! I eat it!'
'I said no!'
'What if I roll another 20?'
'NO!'
'Twice!?'
'Fine, lets get this over with'

20
20

He still refused to let him eat the Kobold. Jerk.I take it your friend (and their player) never played Nethack? Or any other roguelike, for that matter?

Haven
2008-12-18, 03:09 PM
In one of my campaigns we discovered who the bad guy was.


By doing some awkward things with some awkward sex-goddess worshipping elves.

Naked.

The romp ended up with 2 of us in jail and.1 of us unconcious from fall damage- without us even confronting the villain yet.

...Fall damage? from elf sexing?
I guess if it took place in one of those elf villages way up in the trees...
Or is this another bizarre application of Rule 34?

Greenfaun
2008-12-18, 03:17 PM
Regdar gets a hummer and a burrito?

Probably. And then he drives away in a Humvee vehicle, which is separate from the other things that happened earlier.

Anyone hear the podcast in which one of their actresses (can't remember which one, sorry) honestly thought that joke WAS about the vehicle, and was scandalized when she found out what "hummer" was slang for? Comedy gold.

As for the thread topic, I've personally used multiple werewolf-gifts and an elaborate multi-stage plan in order to intimidate a doorman at a club into letting me in, even though he was just a human and I could've killed him easily, because I was trying to be subtle.

I GMed a Mage game in which a player used Life, Matter and Mind magic to make the Best Sandwich in the World, but that's probably pretty typical.

I also played in a game of cyberpunk where a friend was making a relatively easy, routine roll to land an aircar under enemy fire, but with exploding dice that just kept exploding he ended up with some ungodly super-excellent result. It's been long enough that I don't remember the mechanics, but it was something along the lines of needing a 15 and rolling over 100 with an exploding d20. Does CP2020 work that way? It might have been some other futuristic game. Anyway, it was funny because there was no way it could help us at all, but I think the GM ruled he signed his name with the scorchmarks from the engines or something.

Golden-Esque
2008-12-18, 05:33 PM
Hm, I don't know if this counts, but when I first started playing DnD I wrote up a Druid and joined my friends for laughs. In our second encounter in the Dungeon, we came across two ogres and a few warhounds they had. Well, I decided to use Enthrall Animal (or whatever that spell is called, Idk), and so we were reading the spell description and it said that "You fascinate the animals via singing, dancing, etc", so I had to describe the following.

"I whistle, wolf-whistle of course, at the warhounds to grab their attention. Once I have it, I begin to 'do the hokey-pokey' in order to confuse and distract them from their master's deaths."

Can you describe the Hokey Pokey?"

So from there, I ended up having to demonstrate said dance, and every round I continued to enthrall the animals, I did the hokey pokey. >.>

Golden-Esque
2008-12-18, 05:42 PM
Hm, I don't know if this counts, but when I first started playing DnD I wrote up a Druid and joined my friends for laughs. In our second encounter in the Dungeon, we came across two ogres and a few warhounds they had. Well, I decided to use Enthrall Animal (or whatever that spell is called, Idk), and so we were reading the spell description and it said that "You fascinate the animals via singing, dancing, etc", so I had to describe the following.

"I whistle, wolf-whistle of course, at the warhounds to grab their attention. Once I have it, I begin to 'do the hokey-pokey' in order to confuse and distract them from their master's deaths."

Can you describe the Hokey Pokey?"

So from there, I ended up having to demonstrate said dance, and every round I continued to enthrall the animals, I did the hokey pokey. >.>

horseboy
2008-12-18, 07:59 PM
Cuthulu, something as odd as mid 1980ies setting

My character missed the ice-cream truck.
Seriously, we were sitting doing some reading at one character's house, and the ice cream truck came by (as part of "every day suburbia description"). My character decides he wants some, startling both the GM and the other players by running out to get some, miss the truck and to the dismay of the GM get in the car and catch up to the truck...

Serious business, Ice cream.I approve.

Long story short: We're raiding the ruins of Telpmar and the GM decides to be a little silly and throw in a magetek blender. Moose then proceeds to drag us all over Hell and back, just so in the end he can have a pina colada.

Fiendish_Dire_Moose
2008-12-18, 08:23 PM
Well, I was playing a game and was asking, more of interrogating without the attitude, a mind flayer for the location to a key.
I rolled a natural twenty on my diplomacy.
So, rather then asking for the key my character apparently went on a lecture about an unabriged history of everything that ever happened ever..... My DM said I got 4 hours and 3 years after the creation of the multiverse in before the mind flayer cracked under the pressure.

Also, when consummating my marriage with my character's NPC wife, I rolled to take my shirt off (No reason, I hadn't rolled a die in two hours and was bored). Having rolled a natural twenty I apparently did it in such a sexy way that she got pregnant four times before we even got to the business.

Fax Celestis
2008-12-18, 08:51 PM
Probably. And then he drives away in a Humvee vehicle, which is separate from the other things that happened earlier.

Ah, right. Malcanthet currently owns the High Score in Regdar Gets a Hummer and a Burrito, I forgot.

Ulti
2008-12-18, 09:28 PM
How did you get out of prison after that? Also, why was the awkwardness necessary?

Because it was 2 sex-goddess worshipping elves doing the nasty in the ethereal realm before we confronted them about stuff, and then when we started to fight them they didn't bother to get re-decent.

Long story short, my barbarian with no eyes (we were playing some kind of flaw campaign, but it was more with physical flaws like snake hair, blindness, and some other stuff) was wishing he had eyes just so he could poke them out.


I forgot exactly how we got out of jail, but it had something to do with my barbarian and my friends drunken master doing something ridiculous.


...Fall damage? from elf sexing?

WE weren't the ones doing the sexing, we just happened to walk in on it. I RP'd my Barbarian as thinking the two elves were the villains, and thus kicked down the door and charged in. After the DM realized that even though we knew they weren't the villains but were still going to bother them, herolled some amazing rolls for the elves, which led us to being grappled and subsequently getting our armor ripped off (rule of funny), and then our caster got thrown out of a window after he tried to help us in a non-violent way.