Quote Originally Posted by Lord_Gareth View Post
Lady Moreta - Leith: Honestly? I didn't like it much. It's not up to your usual standard; the description seems forced and is hard for me to envision clearly in my mind, and a lot of your sentence transitions could be smoother - the whole thing, in fact, has a tendency to chop awkwardly where it could flow. I've got difficulty connecting to Leith as a result, and the lack of context on her history or why she's adventuring (or even why she's on the boat in the first place, which doesn't clearly appear until the end) only serves to distance her from the reader further.
Which bits didn't flow? I'm curious... and I suppose I'm not that surprised either... I had fun writing it, but I was at work at the time and my writing was very stop-start. I kept stopping in the middle of sentences, which is never a good thing.

Quote Originally Posted by Lord_Gareth View Post
Now critique the Host of a Thousand Princes (Part II) or face my eternal wrath >.>
I thought I had...

You go critque the Lyra snippet on the previous page and I will