Quote Originally Posted by SamBurke View Post
Kallisti's "From Absent Friends"

I like this a lot. The pacing in the second paragraph was a little bit off somehow in my mind, I don't know if I was reading it with the wrong inflection or what. The first line, perhaps, could have a few of the words switched around ("Must I say" instead of "I must say"), if you wanted. It's not really that bad, just something I like in poetry.

Good job, though. Tell us how that goes!
"Must I say" doesn't really work in my mind, since that implies "must I?" As in "do I have to?"

But yeah, I know the pacing is...off. It's supposed to be in antispastic ode meter, which is...not easy.

Supposedly, with stressed syllables italicized, the second paragraph should go

Though far too long I've been away, I have returned, for I must say
"Not all good things must ever end; it's been a gift to be your friend
Through famine, feast, through tame and wild."
The only gift I have this day;
The only letter I can send to celebrate your life-path's bend
A thank-you note for moments whiled: a poem from an absent child.

In some places the stresses feel off. Any suggestions?