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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Omeganaut's Avatar

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    Apr 2011
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    Default Re: Playground Writers Workshop (Read 1st Post)

    @^, thanks for the critique, I'm going to go edit it again with your opinions in mind.

    Alright, here is a rather free-form poem I wrote, and I like what it says, but I want to make sure the rhythm comes across on the page well, or if its just strange.

    Some Funny Words about Life
    Spoiler
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    Life is a conundrum
    you know, a funny word,
    one you can laugh at,
    but when you do,
    you get looked at funny,
    and you donít want to laugh,
    because if it is funny,
    that makes you a laughingstock,
    which, ironically enough,
    is another funny word
    that depicts life.
    Well, at least,
    if it's not to engrossed
    with being itself.
    Wait, can a word do that?

    Life is an opossum,
    because just possum
    makes it sound uncouth,
    which, even though it is a funny word,
    and therefore by my logic
    an essential part of life,
    no-one wants to recognize
    that part of lifeís past,
    doing so is justÖ, uncouth.

    Fasting is another
    funny word that can
    be applied to life,
    because, like fasting,
    life seems like it goes slow,
    but is really just a hiccup
    in the worldís workings,
    and looking back itís awfíly slim.

    Redundancy is another
    fun part of living
    with redundancy;
    you know, itís that essential
    part of life we call
    being redundant.

    Possibly the grandest part
    is the old promenade,
    where you meander
    down the catwalk
    to the sound of your own
    beat-up old pick-up truck
    that has the same problem
    as the woman, but I canít
    finish that statement
    on pain of the Pain of all pains.

    Life does contain its own
    sordid affairs,
    (two funny words there,)
    where your deepest desires
    triumph over reason,
    rationale, rhyme, and,
    if you are bad enough,
    rhythm as well.

    Speaking of rhythm, you need it,
    fortunately we all got it,
    you just need to find it
    deep within your sordid depths.

    And to go with that Rhythm,
    you need a sole
    that thing thatís always around,
    that wears down very slowly,
    and that keeps you up
    off of the ground.
    Well, at least until
    the day you need it most,
    then it swims away with you.

    Life is just fabulous,
    because no guy can
    say fabulous without
    questioning his manhood,
    just like no man
    can talk of life
    without doubting
    his own masculinity.

    Life has achieved maximum
    ridiculousness
    because really, honestly,
    it just is so, so you
    might as well make the most
    of it. Ridiculously!

    Most of all in life,
    you need líamore,
    and not just that old breed,
    but a love of life,
    even of its idiosyncrasies,
    because hey,
    life is part of you,
    Funny words and all!
    Last edited by Omeganaut; 2011-08-11 at 12:27 AM.
    I have returned, and plan on focusing on world-building. Issues are being dealt with.

    Quote Originally Posted by MesiDoomstalker View Post
    Thread won! I don't think I have the authority to do that but whatever