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    Barbarian in the Playground
    Asthix's Avatar

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    Aug 2010

    Lightbulb Re: Playground Writers Workshop (Read 1st Post)

    Quote Originally Posted by Omeganaut View Post
    It is an interesting story, but I feel that it doesn't really explore much that could be explored in this setting. Also, I hope you will add onto it, as it is very unfinished. Even if the game just keeps going like this, stories should have a conclusion, and yours leaves many things in the air. Another thing; I'd have the knight give himself a name. It doesn't have to be his original name, but he should have something to identify himself by. I feel that a captive in his position would want to hang onto some sort of identity, as the other knights would not be much different from him, especially to the demons. I do want to say I like your short, choppy sentences. They really fit the narrator.
    Thank you so much for the critique. I've been experimenting with self editing lately and have gravitated towards being as spare as possible, (perhaps too much) so I can appreciate your point about room for more exploration of the plot. the fact that this was for a competition with a deadline though meant I had no time to do so, since I would not have had time to edit it, and any subplots likely would have ballooned it to 5000 words. Though I may just act on some inspiration I've had because of your critique.

    I've been writing in what I think of as dramatic monologue first person for my last three stories and have not given the character a name in an attempt to have the reader perhaps project themselves onto the character. But I know I'm not nearly a good enough writer for that. I guess it has been an exercise to minimize the word, 'I' while still relying on it.

    I'll try to give them a name and perhaps third person present tense next time.
    Last edited by Asthix; 2011-09-06 at 07:07 PM.
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