Order of the Stick! Shenanigans in Dorukan's Dungeon!

[Vesth]

I perforate your existence with my elongated wooden implement!

LEEEEEEER-Oof!

As the goblin lunges forward, the wizard nimbly stepped out of the way, swinging his/her quarterstaff such that it caught the poor goblin the midriff and sent it flying backwards.

As the goblin connected solidly with the wall, it stumbled forward, quickly swiping sharp and dirty fingernails at the advancing wizard.

IN THE GLORY OF L-

The quarterstaff spun in a tight circle, the spinning edge of which struck the goblin's poor hand, knocking the makeshift weapon aside. As Vaarsuvius quickly reversed his/her grip, s/he pushed the weapon back, before launching it forward, striking the goblin on the chest, eliciting a loup SNAP as bone broke between the polished wood and the unmoving stone wall.

I have calculated every eventuality of this martial exercise, and it is doubtless that you would have lost, what with your pointless proclaimant about a piece of utter fiction!

The goblin spat blood on the floor, glaring at the wizard.

YOU WILL GO TO HELL FOR THIS, YOU ANDROGYNOUS LOUDMOUTH!

Vaarsuvius gritted his teeth, and s/he pushed his front hand upwards, while his/her back hand forced down, creating a lever that sent the quarterstaff smacking against the poor goblin's head.

I've had enough!

With a quick spin, the piece of wood smacked the foe atop the head.

Your perversity is astounding and illogical. I had enough to settle my poor brain on with Elan's preposterous dedication to Banjo and all that he stands, and I WILL NOT TOLERATE IDIOCITY-

*THUD*

-BLASPHEMOUS-

*THUD*

-PROSELYTIZING DUNCES ANY LONGER!

*CRACK*

As Vaarsuvius breathed heavily, s/he seethed at the goblin with his head caved in, and without a second though, drove his/her quarterstaff right through the goblin's right foot and into the ground, before forcing the other tip below the dead goblin's chin, and reversed the movement of the weapon, impaling the poor goblin through the brain.

As he finally let the goblin fall to the floor, s/he pulled free his bloody quarterstaff, and proceeded to clean it quietly. It really isn't a good idea of Elan...or Roy, for that matter, to talk to him/her right now. S/He's had enough of fools and inept strategists for the moment.

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Seldom Used Quarterstaff: (1d12+1)[12]