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    Nov 2012
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    Default Re: [3.5] The Kreen of the Desert (races, classes, feats, and more)

    Background: I have only ever once played 3.5, and that was back in middle school. I've played Pathfinder exclusively, so I'm not familiar with much 3.5. And so begins the nitpicking!

    Though they still enjoy the hunt, they have given up their nomadic life to build an empire along the shores of the Da'sed-Dun river.
    This shows that they're setting-specific; I was confused by this for a while before I figured their setting was just common knowledge among 3.5 players. Still, you might want to include a little background.

    This whole section seems very strict. "All Kreen act this way, have these beliefs, and follow this code". I personally feel like that doesn't leave a lot of room for character creation.

    Grammar nitpicks:

    Kreen tend to view anyone outside of his immediate clutch as a potential enemy and can be overly suspicious of others.
    This should probably begin with "A Kreen tends to" to match the rest of the paragraph, or change to "outside of their immediate clutches" which, while awkward, matches the couple sentences following.

    Kreen are easily likened to a praying mantis in human size.
    I think this should read "a praying mantis OF human size".

    Their four upper limbs are built for grasping and rending their prey, with jagged edges and ending in sharp claws.
    After reading this, I thought "Do they get multiattack? No, they end in claws. They must not be able to use them for hands. I wonder if those claws are natural attacks?", and then I had to look down into the statblock, which is big, and search for the natural attacks. What I'm saying is, I think it would just be convenient if you included a mention of the natural attacks here.

    Any kreen who has tasted elf flesh becomes quickly addicted to what they describe as a meal handed down by the gods, and they will even turn on former allies to sate their addiction for fresh elf.
    What purpose does this serve? It means a Kreen can't work with an elf in the party and, while it does give some racial character, it seems very restrictive. It reminds me of the paladin's code in that it deals with absolutes.

    Ancestral Memory: Kreen have access to a genetic ancestral memory of their species; however, it can only be realized through certain feats or class features, without which they gain no additional benefits.
    What does this mean? How is it unlocked? If it's mentioned below, you should summarize or say "see below for details", but as is it's just confusing.

    The following is a "racial class" which allows a Kreen player to start out at level one as a younger Kreen who has not yet reached the pinnacle of Kreenness. As he levels up, the Kreen character will gain access to the full range of Kreen racial abilities as well as begin to gain levels in standard classes.
    a younger Kreen who has not yet reached the pinnacle of Kreenness. As he levels up...
    the pinnacle of Kreenness

    Level Adjustment: 3rd level is a level adjustment. The kreen gains no Hit Dice or skill points, and neither his base attack bonus nor his saves are advanced. He gains all other benefits listed at this level.
    The table above this for the racial class advances BAB and the Will save, despite this saying otherwise.

    Chat-tok - The Ancestral Memory
    There don't actually seem to be any ancestral memories?

    Overall, this is really polished. I had to resort to nitpicking grammar to find things to comment on! The racial abilities are consistent with the fluff, which is supported by the racial class and prestige classes. Maybe to emphasize the difference between the Thri and the Tohr, you could introduce different favored class bonuses, in the style of pathfinder?
    Last edited by AttilaTheGeek; 2013-05-26 at 07:25 PM.
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