Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
Guess I gotta curse all these but I'm insane right now to the point of having to make sure everything makes sense three times before I post.
I'm slightly less insane right now! Let's gogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo!

Playgrounder Cursed Artifacts


These follow all of the playgrounder cursed item rules, except they're artifacts. Duh.


Type:
Body Slot:
Caster Level:
Aura: Overwhelming (Actually )
Weight:

Abyss' Vengeance
Type: Major
Body Slot: Weapon (Greatsword)
Caster Level: 40th
Aura: Overwhelming Evocation? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 8 lb

Forged from the souls of the damned, this sword's powers are legion. It appears just like Heaven's Wrath, except that it destroys any paladin (or good or lawful neutral paladin variant, such as a paladin of freedom) who tries to pick it up: treat this as a disintegrate (CL 40, DC 40) with no damage cap, every round the weapon is held. A fallen paladin of one of these types is given the choice: either be destroyed or immediately become chaotic evil and take levels in blackguard at the next opportunity, which may involve retraining feats to accelerate this process. If a paladin commits actions against their code while wielding the weapon, they are also given this choice.

In the hands of an evil or chaotic neutral paladin equivalent, the sword is a +5 unholy silver greatsword, allows dispels like a holy avenger, grants SR 11+the paladin's class level to the paladin himself and no-one else, and allows a similar bonding ritual to the original weapon, except that it must be fulfilled entirely with dark craft materials. However, the sword can be used to make as many sacrifices as needed to fulfill this purpose. The sword becomes a +5 vorpal unholy surge silver greatsword, and the wielder can use unholy aura, blasphemy or destruction 3 times/day each. The paladin's aura of evil increases in strength just like the aura of good for the original item only against good creatures. Once per year, the wielder can cast apocalypse from the sky as a spell-like ability.

In the hands of a true neutral paladin equivalent, the sword is dull and unresponsive; it's just a silver greatsword (albeit one that's surprisingly hard to get rid of and you're not sure why). To any other creature, it functions as a +2 silver greatsword.

Arguably, this item isn't really cursed, unless you're a paladin. Poor paladins.

Amulet of Draconic Destruction
Type: Major
Body Slot: Neck
Caster Level: 100th
Aura: Strong Necromancy, Transmutation, and Abjuration (Actually Overwhelming Conjuration)
Weight: -

A creature who wears one of these amulets (which appear as amulets of the dragon king) immediately finds themselves facing a paragon paragon paragon great wyrm dragon of the appropriate colour advanced to 50 hit dice, and is probably screwed.

Arms of Infinite Fists and Punching
Type: Major
Body Slot: Weapon (Gauntlet)
Caster Level: 25th
Aura: Strong Abjuration and Transmutation (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 1 lb each.

These look like Arms of Iz, but actually transport the wearer to the Plane of Infinite Fists and Punching, where each creature on the plane is attacked by 2d6 crushing fists each round (the planar traits are otherwise like those of the prime material, though all the solid places to stand on the plane are interposing hands that are frozen in place). The creature cannot leave the plane without removing the Arms, upon which they return to whichever plane the wearer was on (they also do this if the wielder dies, possibly allowing those with a contingent resurrection effect to remove them and escape, for example).

Cloak of Betrayal
Type: Major
Body Slot: Cloak
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Overwhelming Enchantment? (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

Whenever a creature wears the cloak of betrayal (which appears like a cloak of civilisations), each of that creature's cohorts, followers, worshipers, and so forth immediately goes on a quest to defeat the wearer, though they don't take damage for failing the quest and the quest isn't mind-affecting.

Firesoul Gauntlet
Type: Major
Body Slot: Weapon (Gauntlet)
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Overwhelming Enchantment and Necromancy? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

The Firesoul Gauntlet looks much like the Fiendsoul Gauntlet until a creature tries to wear it. A creature who worships Khadgar, The Wandering God is immediately caught up in holy fire and takes 40d6 damage, half fire but half resulting directly from divine power, each round until the artifact is removed. Any other creature is caught up in regular fire which "Only" deals 20d6 points of fire damage to them each round. Creatures touching or touched by the immolated creature or attacking with a nonreach melee weapon take a quarter of this damage, so it's probably in the possession of some half-dragon somewhere.

Golemsong's Vengeance
Type: Major
Body Slot: None
Caster Level: 30th
Aura: Overwhelming Transmutation? (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 1 lb

This artifact was made by the intelligent greatsword golemsong to look like the golem sphere. However, what it actually does is cause any construct made using the sphere to turn on its maker, and then become free-willed (if the construct had no intelligence score or one below 10, it still does but can act of its own volition as though it had an intelligence of 10).

Holy Tome
Type: Major
Body Slot: None
Caster Level: 40th
Aura: Overwhelming Evocation? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

This book kills evil or lawful neutral paladin equivalents just like Abyss' Vengeance kills good or lawful neutral paladins. Chaotic neutral paladins apparently get a free pass. Anyway, the holy tome gives any good-aligned paladin that picks it up a +20 bonus to wisdom and charisma for as long as she possesses it. She can cast sanctified spells without paying the sanctified component.

It looks just like a Fell tome, however.

Lyre of Order
Type: Major
Body Slot: None
Caster Level: 40th
Aura: Overwhelming Enchantment and Transmutation? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 1 lb

While this looks like an Astral Lyre, it actually casts irresistible disintegrate on each chaotic creature who tries to play it, order's wrath each round it's played, and dictum each round it is played by a lawful creature.

Mantle of the Darth Vader
Type: Major
Body Slot: Cloak
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Overwhelming Abjuration and Enchantment? (Actually Enchantment)
Weight: 10 lb

This looks like a Mantle of the Darth Tarrasque, but when worn, actually causes the wearer to spend every standard action posing dramatically and shouting cheesy quotes such as "I am your father!" and "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

Orb of Just Revenge
Type: Major
Body Slot: None
Caster Level: 50th
Aura: Overwhelming Divination (Actually Conjuration)
Weight: 1 lb

This looks like a TV Tyrant Ball but actually sends any lawful evil creature who tries to use it straight to hell. It still negatively affects other creatures just like a TV Tyrant Ball.

Purgatory's Judgement
Type: Major
Body Slot: Weapon (Greatsword)
Caster Level: 40th
Aura: Overwhelming Evocation? (Actually Evocation)
Weight: 8 lb

This weapon appears like the sword Heaven's Wrath but immediately bursts into a riot of elemental power whenever a creature whose alignment is not true neutral picks it up, dealing 1d6 points of fire, acid, cold and sonic damage to them for each component of their alignment which is non-neutral, doubled against any type of paladin.

In the hands of most creatures, the weapon (apart from killing most creatures who try to use it) is a +2 adamantine greatsword. When used by a true neutral paladin equivalent, however, it is a +5 holy unholy axiomatic anarchic acidic burst freezing burst flaming burst shocking burst greatsword and the wielder can use greater dispel magic and arbitrament at will.

Soul of the Void
Type: Major
Body Slot: Weapon (Quarterstaff)
Caster Level: 41st
Aura: Overwhelming Divination and Transmutation? (Actually Divination, Evocation and Transmutation)
Weight: 4 lb

This weapon appears like the heart of the universe, and even functions as one except that any creature who tries to ask questions of Zaydos instead accidentally casts Noone's Black Hole on themselves.

Spurious Hats
Type: Minor
Body Slot: Head
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Overwhelming Transmutation? (Actually Necromancy)
Weight: -

These artifacts look to all inspection like the Spiffy Hats. However, they actually carry a powerful curse: they apply penalties of the same magnitude as the bonuses provided by a Spiffy Hat. Each Spurious Hat only emulates one Spiffy Hat (and subverts its bonuses).

Virus Gauntlets
Type: Minor
Body Slot: Weapon (Gauntlets)
Caster Level: 20th
Aura: Strong Transmutation (Actually Overwhelming Necromancy)
Weight: 16 lb

Each of these massive gauntlets looks like a golem gauntlet, but actually casts irresistible contagion for each possible disease each round on the wielder.


The Well of Souls


Look, this item is already enough of a curse as it is.

The World Asunder
Type: Major
Body Slot: None (Scroll)
Caster Level: 100th
Aura: Overwhelming Divination? (Actually Abjuration and Conjuration)
Weight: -

This scroll appears to be the word made whole, but when a creature tries to use it, it actually causes an island lifted by a word of rising to appear above their head, and the spell is then dispelled, essentially dropping an island of 500 square miles on them from 600 feet above sea level. If the creature is higher than this, then the island instead crashes at speed into the side of whatever they're standing on.