Now, this is a complex build, and you need to be aware of several combinations that provide you with the stats and tricks you need.
1. Martial Spirit (stance) + Therapeutic Mantle (soulmeld) + Improved Trip (feat)
You can heal a lot of damage. Let me put up the text:
Originally Posted by Magic of Incarnum, page 89
Originally Posted by Tome of Battle, page 60
Originally Posted by Player's Handbook, page 96
Note: to trip, you must first make a melee touch attack.
The combination is simple: whenever possible, your attack is a trip attempt. If you make your melee touch attack, you heal 9 hit points. If you then make your follow-up attack, you heal another 9 hit points.
The healing is computed as follows: 2 base, +2 per point of essentia (3), +1 because Martial Spirit is a first-level maneuver.
Note that the latter is a reasonable house-rule, as Martial Spirit is not, technically, a first-level equivalent spell.
2. Steely Resolve (class feature) + Astral Vambraces (soulmeld) + combination 1
You're hard to kill.
You have delayed damage (10), damage reduction (8/magic) or spell resistance (17), and healing (9 hp per attack).
Spellward Shirt can really use Expanded Soulmeld Capacity, because SR 21 is just a lot more relevant at level 9, though it's not perfect by any means.
3. Large size (race or spell) + Guisarme (weapon) + Combat Reflexes (feat) + Improved Trip (feat) + combination 1
It sucks to be near you.
You threaten a 50' diameter area - 10' base size, and 10' reach, which you use with a guisarme, to double to 20'. Whenever an opponent provokes an AoO, you get to trip them, and take your follow-up attack, healing 9 hit points each time.
4. Karmic Strike (feat) + low AC (various) + Mantle of Flame (soulmeld) + all of the above
It sucks to attack you in melee.
Mantle of Flame simply deals 4d6 fire damage to anyone attacking you in melee (except with reach weapons).
You can take an AoO whenever an opponent hits you, which will be often, because your AC sucks - you have a -6 penalty from Vulnerable, Aggressive, and Karmic Strike itself. This AoO will be a trip-follow-up-heal combo, as per combination 1, and the damage from the provoking attack will be reduced, as per combination 2, so enemies will not succeed in killing you with melee attacks, but still take damage.
Keep in mind that you can't use them all at once. You have only 6 essentia and 4 soulmelds, so you can't fill your Shirt, Mantle and Vambraces all at once. In addition, both Mantles take the same slot - hence the Double Chakra feat at level 9 - so you must decide which one you prefer. For example, if the cleric handles the healing, you might as well go with the Mantle of Flame (and switch your stance to Iron Guard's Glare), to deal that extra damage.