It's not particularly MAD unless you're trying to maximize both weapon and magic at the same time, when most Valor bards will likely just leave their attacking Stat (DEX) at 16. Keep in mind that Valor doesn't necessarily mandate you play in melee. Ranged Valor Bards are fairly common.
Also even with just a 14 or 16 in DEX, Weapon Attacks are 100% a large boost for Bard's at-will damage output for Tiers I and II, which is one of the Bard's biggest flaws. Even if you ignore using weapons altogether Medium Armor + Shields is a god damned enormous boost to survivability, and Combat Inspiration is criminally underrated. It makes your inspiration far more versatile in the hands of your allies, since they can use it to raise their Attack or Damage Roll as part of an attack or their AC in reaction to an attack.
I don't necessarily disagree with this assessment (although I'd argue Trickery Domain fails harder at capturing it's fantasy), could you explain what you mean by "dissociative failure of game design" that is Sentinel at Death's Door? The damage prevention it affords can be gamechanging.
Also, I don't know what's awkward about their abilities unless you play in a very low-lethality campaign where you never get to use features such as Circle of Mortality.
Land has the most lackluster features but it's plum the BEST pure spellcaster druid. Natural Recovery is just amazing and the expanded spell lists that don't require preparation massively improves the Druid's versatility with how many spells they have available and access to new, amazing spells such as Haste, Lightning Bolt, Invisibility / Greater Invisibility, Mirror Image, Misty Step, etc.
Their class features are lackluster, but not useless. Their level 6 feature actually has great synergy with two of the druid's absolute best spells, Plant Growth and Spike Growth. As for bonus actions, Druid's don't necessarily need MORE to do with their bonus action with great spells that make use of it such as Healing Word, Flaming Sphere, Dust Devil, Gust of Wind, Heat Metal, etc.
Draconic Sorcerers get Free Mage Armor and their sixth level feature is a fantastic boost to damage output. A +4-5 to damage rolls is often a 20% damage boost for spells, and Fire Sorcerers (or other damage types if your DM is flexible) have the best at-will damage of any sorcerer with boosted Fire Bolt, Fireball and Wall of Fire. Lighting Draconic are also solid with Shocking Grasp, Lighting Bolt, Stormy Sphere, etc.
I think the claim people only like this subclass because it has the word "Dragon" in it disingenuous. It is mechanically solid and flavorful, and you don't need to spend Sorcery Points to make use of their features.