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Thread: Total War: Rise of Kingdoms OOC

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    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jan 2015

    Default Re: Total War: Rise of Kingdoms OOC

    An entirely unbiased and objective description of our principalities, compiled out of boredom.
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    So, at Reputation 6 the two heroes of our story are a) the extra dimensional, telepathic, clairvoyant spymasters whose ruling council of psychic ghosts absolutely knows what’s best for you so why bother fighting? And b) the newly reforged united goblin empire-but like, they pinkie-swear no slavery or mass murder or anything this time. (They made sure their resurrected ancient generalissimo got sensitivity training!)

    Below that, at Reputation 5 we’ve got the thriving colony of New Dwarfland, which is probably at least in part down to how they’re inexplicably the only people in this fantasy world with a ruling monarch. We also have an order of neutral ‘paladins’, which is to say they determine which sides are good or evil and turn coat whenever one of them looks like it’s going to win. (Their high placement may not bode well for the rest of the world).

    Taking a bit of jump down, and Reputation 3 we have the secretive order of insufferable nerds with superpowers. Dedicated to studying the world and destroying evil, as we’ll see below they will have their work rather cut out for them.

    At Reputation 2 we have the overwhelming plurality of relevant geopolitical factions (RIP this continent). First we have the conquistadors Adventuring Company who set themselves up in an obviously and hilariously cursed region so they more efficiently loot out all the treasure. Then we have the trinity of, ahem, ‘image-challenged’ city-states. First of all there’s the demon-worshipping democracy ruled by people who exclusively think of themselves as either shounen protagonists or the subject of future inspiring biopics. Then there’s the demon-worshipping slave-state ruled by brutal witch-kings who presumably turn into giant snakes when Conan interrupts their sacrifices. Finally there’s the one that’s not so much a city-state as a clique of necromancers finding an old war crime and deciding it’s Free Real Estate, who now run a thriving espionage and assassination business. Rounding out this level, we have our two unrelated groups of actual conquistadors. The one a massive crusader-fleet ruled by the victims of angelic possession, and the other a massive migration of poor, militarily incompetent, magically inept fanatics who just really want to ask if you’ve let Shemesh into your life.

    Finally, at the bottom of the barrel we’ve got out two different and unrelated horrible extraplanar invasions here to kill you all and use your corpses for raw material. Available flavors include ‘classic fire-and-brimstone devils who are going to brutally torture you and/or steal your soul’ and ‘Slaver-ant hive-mind who have been infested with a body-horror fungal parasite who want to use you body and soul as compost to grow more useful drones’.

    Isn’t getting to know your neighbors great?
    Last edited by St.Just; 2019-12-12 at 03:00 PM.
    The world was born in flame and art,
    The world was born – then torn apart.
    Creation’s sorrow rent the sky
    T​o know all things would cool and die​.