To anyone that was wanting to know, I am feeling a bit better. For a while I really thought I had turned a corner with my mental health, but after having a breakdown following seeing pictures of my dead friend, I'd thought that I slipped back into the dark place that I thought that I spend the better part of ten years escaping. I don't think that's the case anymore.

Following a death in my friend group, having people in my life move on and leave me or cut me out of their lives did a number on me. I thought that I had recovered, but now I think that I was just got used to being alone. Now that I have real, genuine friends that care about me, I'm starting to realize how lonely I actually was. It hurts, but I think I'll eventually be OK.