Items from my dreams, no joke.

[TheLogman]

These are actual items I've seem sometime in a dream, statted out for all to see. If these don't prove I have weird dreams, nothing will. Explanations available upon request.

Artifacts

MRL (Musical Rocket Launcher)- FOR BARDS ONLY!!!

Only a Bard of 5th level or higher may use this. This item functions as both a Masterwork instrument, and a 2-handed Ranged Weapon that fires projectiles that deal 3d12 Force Damage at an increment of 30 feet. However, a number of conditions must be met in order to use this item. Firstly, in order to attempt using this item, the Bard must expend 1 use of their bardic music for the day. Secondly, after expending the use, the Bard must make a Perform (Percussion Instruments) check at DC 15. If the check succeeds, the ranged attack happens as normal.

Manta-Club

This large metal club acts as a +2 Masterwork Morning-star, shaped like a Manta-Ray. However, when underwater, the Morning-star grants Freedom of Movement and Water Breathing to the wielder. It also acts a propellant underwater, granting the wielder a Swim speed of 40.

Cursed Amulet of Self-Worthlessness

This amulet with a gray stone set in it seems and detects as an amulet of Charisma. However, when it is put on, it gives a different effect. The Amulet gives a number of negative effects. The first is a Bane effect that only affects the wearer. The second is a -5 to all Charisma-based checks, which manifests itself in the form of a blurring of other people around the wearer. The third is an effect that makes it hard for the wearer to determine their surroundings, which provides a -2 penalty the wearer's Wisdom score, and a -5 to all Wisdom-based checks.

The Time Machine

This device appears as a small black box adored with buttons about the size of a normal man's hand. When the user concentrates, the Time Machine generates a effect to the same extent of a Time Stop Spell for 6 rounds, or until the user decides to end it. However, after each time it is used, there is a 20% chance that it creates a teleportation effect around itself, transporting it to a random location up to 100 miles away.