1. - Top - End - #55

    Default Re: Playground Writers Workshop (Read 1st Post)

    Critique: The Empty Ruins by Death Dragon

    Although I don't get much out of this tidbit of a story, it does make me want to know what dogmas Derek and Alec are debating, and what organizations they represent. I don't get much characterization from this tidbit; Derek is the straight man and Alec is the 'cool guy' and they both insist that they're right. And I want to make a judgment about them somehow, but I can't without a bit of history history or a few details or more characterization. Or a bit of everything. My suggestion is to either: a) Add in a bit more dialogue (doesn't have to be a lot) to give Derek and Alec some history and to explain their conflict, or b) write the episode/s leading up to this story.

    I think you missed a word here:
    Spoiler
    Show

    Alec sighed. “You’re still being stubborn,” he said accusingly. “You just refuse to see it. Just switch over, they have the right of it over here. Come on, it’ll be like before I switched. We’ll be on the same team again. It’s stupid to hate each other after all we’ve been through.”

    The thing I like best about your story is the imagery: I can't really see what the characters look like, but I can clearly see the castle, the fallen snow and the snow swirling in the wind.
    Last edited by Tequila Sunrise; 2009-09-26 at 02:10 AM.