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    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Imladris
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Playground Writers Workshop (Read 1st Post)

    Critique of the Critique:

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    For a normal story, I would say that you are correct in saying that "X+Y" is not a good sales pitch. However, the story was concieved along those lines, and as such I included it to move from the "Huh what is this about" stage to the "This is how it can be improved" stage.

    Anyway. I apologize for the wall o' text - but I can assure you that it was a fault of oversight, not of laziness. Word formatting does not play well with the board formatting. Thank you for pointing that out - I'll fix that.

    Now, on to the advice. I am aware that my dialogue is rather weak, though I'm not sure what you mean by annoyingly vague. The description's tone was intentional - I want it to seem a bit archaic, and the focus there is telling the story. But I will see if I can show a bit more than I describe.

    But then we get to the bit where you declare my work "unredeemable", and I'm afraid that my reaction to that is much like your own reaction to the wall of text. I have been rather scathing to badly-written stories in the past, but even so, I would never stoop to the level of calling something unredeemable, just because I don't like it. In fact, the entire second paragraph is capable of being reduced to "Stop writing bad fanfiction, because your writing sucks". I requested critique on the hook, not a condemning of my choice of what to write.

    I am still rather offended, so I may as well close this off by thanking you for pointing out my weakness in dialogue instead of chewing you out further for that damned second paragraph. So - thank you.
    Last edited by Raz_Fox; 2010-05-19 at 03:47 PM.
    freedom in the flame

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