this is the crux of the problem. no, he doesn't want to give me his character beforehand for inspection. before now we've played core only, and every time i mention another book that i've bought and gotten excited about this prestige class or that feat, he gets annoyed because it's one more book he has to read from cover to cover to exploit in as strong a way possible. while I see the huge number of extra books as a blessing with which to create infinite variety, he sees it as every single book just makes it possible for things to be more and pore powerful things, and if he doesn't use it all in the most powerful way possible, he isn't having fun. he doesn't want to play in a game where I control his power level in ANY way. and he doesn't see the merit in being balanced with the other players.
we're just going to go on without him.