Taverna Generica 6: I am not a number, I am a free house!

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe blinks. Ooooh yeah. Heheheh. He starts sipping a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Yeah, someone else is going to have to drive the TARDIS. Probably the TARDIS itself.

[Rebonack]

"Oh, someone could want to destroy a universe for any number of reasons. But all of them are pretty misguided. Popular justifications include 'cuz I can', 'to make a new one that's better', and 'the only way to end all suffering,'" Avatar rattles off, ticking fingers as she goes down the list. "But it's a fool's errand, really. You won't ever be able to destroy a universe. Because there are too many beings out there with a vested interest in what's going on. One of the first things you learn in the Far is, 'There's always a bigger fish than you.' And that applies just as well out here on the Material Planes."

By now she has taken up her seat on a bar-stool and makes a face at the zombie. That bite wound on her arm still looks pretty nasty. Though it doesn't appear to be bothering her one bit.

"Yep. If someone ever had a chance of undoing creation there would be some many beings of unimaginable divine power coming down on you that it would make your head spin."

[Darkcomet]

DC stands up and exits the Taverna, too amazed for words.

His brother remains, though.

[Reinholdt]

Reinholdt raises his eyebrow as she lists off his very reason, but smiles as if nothings wrong. Even as she mentions all the reasons they should fail.

The same reasons everyone gives each time they reach a new universe. But despite all their posturing and threats of bigger fishes, Rein and Cal always won out in the end.

As all of those people they've wiped out could now no longer say.

"Yes. I can imagine it would be a rather foolish endeavor against all possible odds. Hardly worth the effort."

[Rebonack]

"Oh yes, certainly. Except of course if you managed to get the drop on some kind of impotent back-story universe whose soul point of existing is to be annihilated by the Big Bad Evil Guy to make him seem more imposing. But then, that's the entire reason they were created in the first place so it really isn't much of an accomplishment," more hand waving at this point.

"Usually once people like that manage to stumble into an actual living universe they end up getting the sod kicked out of them."

Sod kicking is highly uncomfortable.

"But I'm sure most villain types usually figure that out about the time the Pea Ceas rise up to oppose their evil plot. There's usually some big climactic battle right on the edge of oblivion where the heroes manage to put an end to the scheme at the eleventh hour."

[Reinholdt]

Heh. Of course one of those destroyed universes is far more important than that, but it's part of secret backstory plot. So take that Mr. I'm a Narrator and a Character!

Reinholdt looks utterly confused. "What on earth are you talking about? Are you drunk?"

[Ashen Lilies]

((And of course the reason that the character is named 'Avatar' only dawns on me just now. ))

Kiara Rain enters the bar.

[Rebonack]

A character and a Narrator? Don't be silly. Avatar is a Cloud-cuckoo. Being genre savvy is part of what she does. It's a character trait. A rather amusing one. That usually ends up making her seem quite insane most of the time. And the only sane person around the rest.

"Nuuu, not drunk. I'm expositing! Mostly because I think you're lying 'n I'm trying to get you to slip up. Tricky, huh?" Avatar smiles proudly. "See, I figure if I nettle you enough and demean any past accomplishments then you'll give something away and your whole evil plot can be foiled!"

It's a fool-proof plan!

...wait...

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe waves at Kiara as she enters, then falls off his stool. He lies there, laughing.

[Bergett]

Michael jumps out of the darkness yelling
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!I think...
((it is for me...))

EDIT: that is all
He fades back into the darkness.

[Reinholdt]

"Uh-uh. Past accomplishments... righhht. Um. The only thing I've done recently is steal a pair of artifacts for this double-crossing book, then use the power of MY MIND to get them back." Replace MY MIND with TARDIS and you have an accurate statement.

[Ashen Lilies]

And then there were PMs. Speaking of which, I guess it's time for the resurrection.

[Raistlin1040]

Jaia undeadtimes, in her seat, not doing much of anything.

[Rebonack]

"Your mind, wow! That must mean you're a psychic kitty then! That's pretty neat," Avatar laughs. Seems as though all pretense regarding universe destroying has been dropped. Or has it? Kind of hard to tell whether she's being an air head or devious.

"And I thought you said you were treasure hunters. Not treasure stealers," she reaches down to prod the cat with her index finger several times.

Doing so will have no ill effect to speak of. Unless Reinholdt normally explodes when people poke his fuzzy lil' kitty head. "So which one is it mister cat burglar?"

[Reinholdt]

"Stealing is a type of hunting. But if you must know, both. It's not like it won't go to waste, though. I've found this artifact that I think will help a certain undead I know with his hunger problems. Has problems with 'the beast within'. It's all for a good cause."

Reinholdt moves further away so as to prevent further pokings.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe stumbles over to Jaia, and tries to bow, but falls to the floor. He picks himself up. Hello, my name is Vespe. Have we met? You remind me of this one guy, he was an incubus or something. Only you're not a guy. I think. My vision is sort of blurry right now.

[Rebonack]

Aaww... The cat is out of poking range now.

That makes Zee sad. She wiggles her finger in mid-air for a few moments before letting her arm drop to the table.

"So you stole some artifacts from some religious types to help out an undead?" she replies incredulously. Holy stuffs bearing the same symbol dumped out on the bar earlier was something of a dead give-away there. "Why didn't you just ask if it was for a good..."

She wobbles a bit.

"A good..."

And blinks heavily.

"Feel all loopy..."

And then her head slumps off to the side and she begins snoring.

Rather loudly.

[Reinholdt]

Reinholdt blinks, then shrugs, unsure of what to make of it. He'll go join Vespe and Jaia instead.

[Ashen Lilies]

Kiara sidles over to the treasure hunters.
You stole some stuff under a bunch of Paladin's noses?

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe seizes the chance to boast. He spins around. That we did, ma'am! You should have seen them, there were these two big orbs of positive and negative energy that were like, the center of their religion. We snatched them both, and they couldn't do a thing about it! He laughs.

[Ashen Lilies]

((The orbs aren't that big. They were people's hearts. Or, a person and a Lovecraftian Evil.))

Kiara laughs, in a way reminiscent the bubbling freshly brewed coffee makes when stirred.
That's funny. Way to stick it to them.


A certain paper golem, holding a bag of holding, steps out of the storm and heads to Tessa.
Have you decided yet? I have the other piece.
Nevermind.

[Vespe Ratavo]

((You never specified how big they were. Or I missed it. >.>))

Thanks. Vespe smiles, and wonders for a moment how, exactly, a laugh can sound like bubbling coffee.

[Ashen Lilies]

Well, if you remember the story I gave to Reinholdt in GLoG the Brightheart was the heart of a paladin named Crey Brightheart (remember the statue of the paladin with a scar over his heart?) and the Nightheart was the heart of the Devil.

Kiara also wonders how a laugh can sound like bubbling coffee, and shrugs slightly.
Did you get anything else?

[Reinholdt]

Reinholdt grabs his half of the loot and leaves to go deadtime.

[Vespe Ratavo]

I thought that was just a myth...

Vespe pulls out a bottle. Want any blessed wine? It's sacri-licious. 2d4 pun damage. No save. That's all I got, though, I think Noctis over there got some little trinkets. He motions to Noctis.

[Ashen Lilies]

It's a legend. Based on a true story, but with exaggerations. The part about the hearts was true, they just sort of upped Crey's paladin-ness and put in all sorts of crap about saving princesses.

Kiara clutches her head.
No thanks.

[happyturtle]

Tessa undeadtimes in the Taverna, at her usual place by the fire, with her usual Weighty Tome of Obscure Knowledge in her lap.

[Ashen Lilies]

A certain paper golem, holding a bag of holding, steps out of the storm and heads to Tessa.
Have you decided yet? I have the other piece. All it needs a homunculus to be placed into.

[happyturtle]

"I don't like being threatened, 738. But perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement, if you can convince me that your future actions won't tip the Balance too far."

Of course Lore hasn't actually threatened her. At least not in this timeline.

[Ashen Lilies]

"Threatened? When did I threaten you?"
He looks at Tessa suspiciously. Or he would, had he a face.
"You looked into the future didn't you? You saw what might happen should you refuse. Well, if you can do that, you should already know who I am, and what I am capable of. Why don't you answer your own question?"