Take Two

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-05-29, 02:47 PM (ISO 8601)

Take Two Again!

Here we go again you can't keep a ~~good~~ mediocre comic maker down.

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**Nageto004** · 2009-06-10, 10:46 PM (ISO 8601)

I like it.

**Cizak** · 2009-06-11, 04:03 AM (ISO 8601)

It looks pretty good, but what is a fan comic without the nitpick?

Second to last panel: "Ill" should be "I'll" and "exaclty" should be "exactly".

**Green-Shirt Q** · 2009-06-11, 06:12 AM (ISO 8601)

Also, use capital letters at the beginning of each sentence. And capitalize the pronoun "I".

That's how us pros do it!

[EDIT] Reading it over again carefully, I see you did that most of the time. I would recommend always doing it.

**Fredthefighter** · 2009-06-11, 06:18 AM (ISO 8601)

That was pretty good. Except for the grammar mistakes that have already been pointed out. Overall, quite good.

**Wreckingrocc** · 2009-06-11, 10:36 PM (ISO 8601)

Also, "Opportunity" is spelled with a U; not an E.

I guess I don't really get it, though. It's fairly simple to follow what's going on, but it feels like there's a punchline I should get, or a reason given for allowing an attack of opportunity, or, at the very least, a reason his feet weren't bound.

Speech bubble placement could also be improved.

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-06-12, 10:43 PM (ISO 8601)

oh thanks guy i have been trying to work on spelling and grammer
any way i havnt got a chance at all to work on it so ill get back to it soon

**Salty** · 2009-06-14, 05:42 PM (ISO 8601)

Seems pretty good so far! I lol'd.

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-06-21, 10:07 PM (ISO 8601)

here two more i did while computer was down thans for all the comments and im pretty sure no grammer errors this time.

but please nit pick

**Green-Shirt Q** · 2009-06-22, 07:00 AM (ISO 8601)

Pretty good development on these bad guys. Nice comics!

Only, I can't really tell what's going on in the first panel of comic 2. And in comic 3 at the top you put "I don't know where i going". The "I" should probably be capital, but even then it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Hey, YOU said to nit pick!

**Cizak** · 2009-06-22, 07:21 AM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by the_Q

Only, I can't really tell what's going on in the first panel of comic 2. And in comic 3 at the top you put "I don't know where i going". The "I" should probably be capital, but even then it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Hey, YOU said to nit pick!

He's breaking free from the chains,I think?

And yeah, it should be capital and I think it sounds better with "I'm"...

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-06-22, 11:22 AM (ISO 8601)

thanks i fixed the I'm

**foahra** · 2009-06-23, 09:16 PM (ISO 8601)

hello whats up with this? hahah

Originally Posted by someonenonotyou

Yeah new comics what you think

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**Cizak** · 2009-06-24, 02:22 AM (ISO 8601)

foahra: What's your point?

**whenpigsfly** · 2009-06-25, 10:39 PM (ISO 8601)

i think its a cool comic

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-07-24, 02:31 PM (ISO 8601)

Ok here i got the new improved Take two its called
Take Two Again!
Yeah so im starting over due to some technical difficulty, writers block, and this thing i just got called a life. it sucks
yeah so im satring over tearing down every thing the story line the caratuers everything i had planned and just go just make it i have nothing planed nothing set up i have a name and a main charatuer and thats it.
see how thing turn out with no plan all my other plans fails so im just winging it

What do you think!

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-08-03, 09:56 PM (ISO 8601)

New comic ... not that any of you care

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-08-07, 12:08 AM (ISO 8601)

New comic is up oh and i fixed a mistake in the 2ND one so yeah what do ya think

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-08-16, 10:27 PM (ISO 8601)

New Comic and someone say something anything im so lonley here

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-08-21, 03:43 PM (ISO 8601)

Hey check out my banner

AND SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING

**EmeraldPhoenix** · 2009-08-21, 04:38 PM (ISO 8601)

Originally Posted by someonenonotyou

Hey check out my banner

AND SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING

Something.

Seriously, chill. (Yelling at people for not commenting is MY gig, don't steal it!)

I don't really understand the banner. Could you explain it?

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-08-21, 09:29 PM (ISO 8601)

hey yelling who me i wasnt i just like critcizem

well dont have much now so i dont know i thought it was kinda funny

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-09-18, 05:48 PM (ISO 8601)

soo here the new one after many many stupid computer/ inkscape/ internet
/ life / man-eating troll problems

WARNING!!! my spell check is not working so many many spelling errors i know im sorry ill fix em as soon an i know what wrong

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-09-19, 01:28 PM (ISO 8601)

nother one up! yah!
above warning stills applys

**Salty** · 2009-09-19, 06:57 PM (ISO 8601)

Not too bad so far. I'll admit that I miss the attack of opportuniy joke from the original, but whatever. I would suggest modifying the characters so they follow a basic universal style. The sister is one of the main annoyances attributed to this. You should at least make her head be a circle; it looks odd. I also think you should change the facial expressions more frequently; it looks a lot sloppier if they look the same in each panel. You did a great job with the arm motions, but they're overshadowed by the faces making them look identical. Also, one last nitpick: the script seems a bit blunt; you should spread the dialogue out a take more time to make one point, instead of having multiple points discussed in one panel. The comic has promise, but I think it needs some improvements before you could get a dedicated readership.

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-10-13, 06:59 PM (ISO 8601)

first Salty thanks i hope you i did better this time i tried what you said and don't worry about Sara anymore
Second NEW COMIC!

**Green-Shirt Q** · 2009-10-13, 08:22 PM (ISO 8601)

I'm not sure what just happened in this most recent comic, but I'm a little worried.

Also, I am following this comic. The plot and characters seem pretty interesting. Keep up the good work!

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-10-16, 03:21 PM (ISO 8601)

New comic up

**someonenonotyou** · 2009-10-27, 05:21 PM (ISO 8601)

new one up

**Nageto004** · 2009-10-27, 08:04 PM (ISO 8601)

Ooooo its not just his sister its all manges.

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