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Thread: Take Two

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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Take Two Agian!

    Take Two Again!
    Here we go again you can't keep a good mediocre comic maker down.

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    Last edited by someonenonotyou; 2011-04-20 at 01:47 PM.

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    Default Re: Take Two

    I like it.
    Nageto004: your residential paranormal exterminator.

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    Default Re: Take Two

    It looks pretty good, but what is a fan comic without the nitpick?

    Second to last panel: "Ill" should be "I'll" and "exaclty" should be "exactly".
    Quote Originally Posted by T-O-E View Post
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Also, use capital letters at the beginning of each sentence. And capitalize the pronoun "I".

    That's how us pros do it!

    [EDIT] Reading it over again carefully, I see you did that most of the time. I would recommend always doing it.
    Last edited by Green-Shirt Q; 2009-06-11 at 06:14 AM.
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    Default Re: Take Two

    That was pretty good. Except for the grammar mistakes that have already been pointed out. Overall, quite good.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anuan
    Yes, but that's Fred. He radiates awesomeness.

    "Whether it be impossible or laughable, Great men open up paths of battle! If there's a wall, we break it down! If there's no path, we'll make one with these hands! The heart's magma burns with flames!"

    By Recaiden.
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Also, "Opportunity" is spelled with a U; not an E.

    I guess I don't really get it, though. It's fairly simple to follow what's going on, but it feels like there's a punchline I should get, or a reason given for allowing an attack of opportunity, or, at the very least, a reason his feet weren't bound.

    Speech bubble placement could also be improved.
    The artist formerly known as Tired N' Drowzy, master of puns.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    oh thanks guy i have been trying to work on spelling and grammer
    any way i havnt got a chance at all to work on it so ill get back to it soon

  8. - Top - End - #8
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Seems pretty good so far! I lol'd.
    ...

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    here two more i did while computer was down thans for all the comments and im pretty sure no grammer errors this time. but please nit pick
    Last edited by someonenonotyou; 2009-06-21 at 10:17 PM.

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    Default Re: Take Two

    Pretty good development on these bad guys. Nice comics!

    Only, I can't really tell what's going on in the first panel of comic 2. And in comic 3 at the top you put "I don't know where i going". The "I" should probably be capital, but even then it doesn't make a lot of sense.

    Hey, YOU said to nit pick!
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Quote Originally Posted by the_Q View Post
    Only, I can't really tell what's going on in the first panel of comic 2. And in comic 3 at the top you put "I don't know where i going". The "I" should probably be capital, but even then it doesn't make a lot of sense.

    Hey, YOU said to nit pick!
    He's breaking free from the chains,I think?


    And yeah, it should be capital and I think it sounds better with "I'm"...
    Quote Originally Posted by T-O-E View Post
    MAJOR SPOILERS. Seriously!
    The last panel will be...
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    Black. 'The End' in white text.

    Don't say I didn't warn you.
    I won a thread. Am I pathetic to list that in my signture? Yes. Of course I am.

    Awesome avatar is awesome. And made by yldenfrei.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    thanks i fixed the I'm

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    cool Re: Take Two

    hello whats up with this? hahah

    Quote Originally Posted by someonenonotyou View Post
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    Default Re: Take Two

    foahra: What's your point?
    Quote Originally Posted by T-O-E View Post
    MAJOR SPOILERS. Seriously!
    The last panel will be...
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    Black. 'The End' in white text.

    Don't say I didn't warn you.
    I won a thread. Am I pathetic to list that in my signture? Yes. Of course I am.

    Awesome avatar is awesome. And made by yldenfrei.

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    tongue Re: Take Two

    i think its a cool comic

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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Ok here i got the new improved Take two its called
    Take Two Again!
    Yeah so im starting over due to some technical difficulty, writers block, and this thing i just got called a life. it sucks
    yeah so im satring over tearing down every thing the story line the caratuers everything i had planned and just go just make it i have nothing planed nothing set up i have a name and a main charatuer and thats it.
    see how thing turn out with no plan all my other plans fails so im just winging it

    What do you think!
    Last edited by someonenonotyou; 2009-07-24 at 02:32 PM.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    New comic ... not that any of you care

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    New comic is up oh and i fixed a mistake in the 2ND one so yeah what do ya think

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    New Comic and someone say something anything im so lonley here

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    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    Hey check out my banner

    AND SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING
    Last edited by someonenonotyou; 2009-08-21 at 03:44 PM.

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    Default Re: Take Two

    Quote Originally Posted by someonenonotyou View Post
    Hey check out my banner

    AND SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING
    Something.

    Seriously, chill. (Yelling at people for not commenting is MY gig, don't steal it!)

    I don't really understand the banner. Could you explain it?

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    hey yelling who me i wasnt i just like critcizem
    well dont have much now so i dont know i thought it was kinda funny

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    soo here the new one after many many stupid computer/ inkscape/ internet
    / life / man-eating troll problems

    WARNING!!! my spell check is not working so many many spelling errors i know im sorry ill fix em as soon an i know what wrong

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    nother one up! yah!
    above warning stills applys

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    Default Re: Take Two

    Not too bad so far. I'll admit that I miss the attack of opportuniy joke from the original, but whatever. I would suggest modifying the characters so they follow a basic universal style. The sister is one of the main annoyances attributed to this. You should at least make her head be a circle; it looks odd. I also think you should change the facial expressions more frequently; it looks a lot sloppier if they look the same in each panel. You did a great job with the arm motions, but they're overshadowed by the faces making them look identical. Also, one last nitpick: the script seems a bit blunt; you should spread the dialogue out a take more time to make one point, instead of having multiple points discussed in one panel. The comic has promise, but I think it needs some improvements before you could get a dedicated readership.
    ...

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    first Salty thanks i hope you i did better this time i tried what you said and don't worry about Sara anymore
    Second NEW COMIC!

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    Default Re: Take Two

    I'm not sure what just happened in this most recent comic, but I'm a little worried.

    Also, I am following this comic. The plot and characters seem pretty interesting. Keep up the good work!
    Last edited by Green-Shirt Q; 2009-10-13 at 08:23 PM.
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  28. - Top - End - #28
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    New comic up

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Take Two

    new one up

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    Default Re: Take Two

    Ooooo its not just his sister its all manges.
    Nageto004: your residential paranormal exterminator.

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    Im a True Neutral Human Wizard (1st Level)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deca View Post
    Wow...Epic Ninjaing. Thanks Nageto! And by ninja'ing, I mean me failing a Spot check and somehow not seeing a post that had been there for quarter of an hour.

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