The Extended Quoter's Signature

[GreatWyrmGold]

This is like the thread of a similar name for homebrewers.

not nale. not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.

:hinjo: Um...Why does this model have Azure City being guarded entirely by reptilian humanoids?

You're alive! And less scary!

I don't think "patient" is a word I'd use to describe V, Haley.

You're invisible!

Oh, right, I have to actually use my legs when I'm on this plane.

I have a lot...

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so, are you suggesting to turn their bones into skin?!

Yayz! Seahawks! They're my favorite football team! *Actually reads thread*.

*Sulks in corner*

Actually, I like Shadow Abjuration.

Wizard: "I am an invincible warrior! Fear my arcane might!"
Barbarian rolls a nat 20 to disbelieve
Barbarian: "You are a small man in a silly hat."

Shadow Enchantment: "The illusion of me convincing you is so convincing that you're actually convinced."

Shadow Divination: "Is that my future?!" "No, but it really looks like it might be, doesn't it?"

What did V ever do to you?

You know you're doing something wrong when your work causes people to try to figure out the plural of Deus Ex Machina.

Alright then. You might want to consider a new line of work, one that doesn't involve apparently rabid people.

C) it's even harder if your fingers get bitten off.

"Ship has no captain. A ship's supposed to have a captain."

...

So kiddies, what happens when you die in the presence of D&D brand adventurers? Anyone who answered "All of your worldly possessions now belong to them" can go home. Everyone else needs to meet me after class.

...

Dragon Shaman: We really just have a few questions *Intimidate check*
Priest: And they are questions I have no intention of answering *failed*

Me: Any chance of us catching them?
DM: The tiny little lightning quick ships, each being manned and rowed by crews of tireless undead, who will not to stop to eat, sleep, or even slow down? No, you won't catch them.
Kobold: Crap.

...

Dragon Shaman: How many corpses do you expect to stumble across?!
Me: ...we're ADVENTURERS?
Dragon Shaman: Right, a metric crapload, right.

All right, fine; I wish I was a DM like that.

Being adventurers, a crazy witchdoctor telling us to go murder a stranger for profit seemed like a perfectly normal turn of events.

...

...we're adventurers, and doing stupid things is just a matter of course for us...

"They wouldn't really declare a formal war on Baalzebul...?"
EXECUTION
"They wouldn't honestly storm blindly through these disconnected portals with no pre-intelligence and a complete lack of battle strategy?"
THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF SCREAMING PALADINS!
"They wouldn't really fight the front line of the bloodwar AND keep marching on?"
SPLIT UP!!!!!
"Did that squishy bag of meat with wings who can't even cast ninth level spells seriously just point at Tiamat and tell her to 'Stay the f*** out of this'?"
YES HE DID!

...

"I stabs the people and they stop moving. Sometimes I cast True Strike first. I like being not-dead!"

So....you've gone from a leglass giant-zombie-bat-riding agent of despair witch-person to a legless person wearing a hill giant skeleton as a sort of Iron Man-style power armour.

I'll be eerie floating perfectly smoothly in a floor length dress, but I won't be BLATANT EVIL COMING YOUR WAY!!!

I beleive that's when I hummed the ghostbusters theme song.

...

Which is when, as I'm sure even DEAD people have guessed by now...

Divide by fhtagn error. Please restart the game world.

He...gave himself a 'Trying to be a hero, 10% off' discount.

...

The dragon shamans response was "Oh gee, look at that! SURPRISE!"

...

I can control 32 HD worth of undead (Dragon Shaman: "No"), and I'm only controlling 27 at the moment (Dragon Shaman: "No"). If the Dragon Shaman can make it down and torch 5 people in his fire breath (Dragon Shaman: "No"), then I can re-animate them and have them attack anyone nearby (Dragon Shaman: "No"), and just raise whoever THEY kill when their numbers start thinning out (Dragon Shaman: "No"). Hell, if you keep everyone off my back (Dragon Shaman: "No"), I might be able to take out the whole canyon (Dragon Shaman: "No!!!").
Swashbuckler: At least it's an IDEA?
Dragon Shaman: No it isn't. Attempted genocide isn't an IDEA. It's an ATTROCITY.

...

That's HONESTLY the best plan we could come up with. Go us.[Quoter's Note: Not the one listed above. Read the post.]

...

...neither of them are stealthy characters, so they wound up killing THAT group too.

...

Swashbuckler: So what the heck do we do?
Dragon Shaman: We have to buy our friends inside as much time as we possibly can. We keep fighting like spartan soldiers, regardless.
Swashbuckler: That's exactly what I hoped you'd say.

...

"Really? I pull out a last ditch ace from my sleeve, and it's a swarm of rabbits?"
Instantly, the battlefield fills up with around three dozen tiny white rabbits. Who all hop around for a minute before flinging themselves at the faces of everyone nearby. Now let me clear one thing up before hand, these weren't monty python killer rabbits of unstoppable doom. They were literally just harmless white cotton balls, who were still nevertheless trying to DESTROY everything they saw.

...

The ...unusual... cover of the bloodthirsty rabbits distracting every active combatant...

Cannibulism:
noun
The tendency to throw up after eating someone

I'm pretty sure bull heart ground up till it turns to liquid would taste absolutely horrid.

Wow.

We're terrible people.

I'm shocked that the oracle isn't Pun-Pun. Seriously.

Belkar doesn't need any brains. Ever try to stab something with your brain? I did once. I sure did feel stupid afterwards.

I don't think we would have been able to make enough to change the battlefield the way our other strategy did. Not to mention a cheesey enough tactic that it working would have been called into question by our DM.
Not to mention that our wizard didn't know explosive runes
...

Truth is way less useful than a blue-blood's thumbs up.

...

Considering this is a D&D world, the hammer of justice might be an actual physical hammer...

I just keep thinking of our DMs reply when our wizard asked how many were coming. "Lots."

The Ninja is awful.

Edit:...ninjaed. Of course.

You trace mystic sigils in the air within vicinity of the victi...er, subjects.

"Ooh, swords... ooh, innate magic... ooh gods... ooh (whoknowswhat)!"

They need to clear up the "Liching Process." I've always thought it needed life sacrifices within the hundreds range lashed to death and then the imbibing of their blood, sweat, and tears, or something. Then they say "Oh and you can be good to," and now I have to visualize some sort of good version of all that. I like that it isn't evil anymore, but how do you become a lich? Good or Evil? The confusion, it ensues.

Oh, it's just a matter of submitting some paperwork. It's just that the only feasible way to get it done in any kind of timely manner involves the senseless slaughter of the millions of people in line ahead of you.

While a horrifically painful way to deal with the situation, a mortal can easily circumvent problems arising from the positive energy plane by just knifing themselves in the spleen every few seconds.

V is the dumbest smart person I know.

Just goes to show you, power corrupts, ultimate arcane power corrupts absolutely.

Wizards fight in the box, Epic Wizards fight outside the box. (Sorcerors stick you inside the box and jump on it.)

In one game I moved a good thousand stars around and sped up the speed of light just so I could spell out words in stars.
Greatest Marriage proposal ever.

"What is you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll cast a custom Epic Spell and rearrange the entire night sky!"

To be fair I was proposing to a godess. I didn't think something simple like taking her out to dinner would make the proper impression.

How about an Adventurer Bane Rust Monster? Rusting and Mordenkainen’s disjunction.

If your using bullet proof glass for a GM screen go for it, otherwise its not advisable.

The person responsible for that abomination needs to be shot Executioner-style.

He succeeds (obviously) and proceeds to throw the elf across the chasm.

When they leveled up, I allowed the half-dragon to take a special, homebrewed feat....Weapon Focus (Improvised Elven Missile). Lol.

Questioning that logic leads to questioning time paradoxes in general, which leads to headaches, which leaves to suffering.

]Isn't hate in there someplace?

Styling gel and facial mask; keeps your skin and hair looking young...forever!

I can understand a misspell of one letter, but there's some serious difference between Mordenkainen and Mormekdain.

: "<silverclaw> you take one more divine damage"

Me: "Oh F*** IT! I go ethereal and through the door, ready for trouble."
Everyone, DM included: ....*jaws dropped*

Anyway. I ask if I catch 'Gregor', the guy at the door off guard for a sneak attack. The DM says, "You just turned into a spectre, floated through the door at 60 feet a round, and dropped back into a solid shape with a thud. You're darn right you caught him flat footed."

...

Someone else in the crowd, pointing at the warforged: "What the hell is THAT THING?!"

Warforged, calmly: "I'm a housekeeper."

...

DM: "You're all drenched, except for <silverclaw> who took the time to dry off specifically because she was burning to death."

...

Attacker: "What did you think that'd accomplish? Oh no, a splinter, I-"

...

"We remembered the fire resistance!"

Because corpses don't get birthday cakes!

Oh, you perverted mind! That's to horrific to contemplate.
I mean, unmaking all creation is one thing, but the Macarena?! That's just sick!

The day the music AND ALL EXISTENCE died?

Bah. You'll be telling us next that Elvis ISN'T serving fish & chips at a greasy spoon cafe somewhere off the M25 but actually died in 1977. Like anyone's going to believe THAT...

I rolled Gender-Flipped Vaarsuvius and my browser crashed.

Not hostility.

Just explosives.

"So the name of the planet is...?"

"Virga"

& *snicker*

"That makes us..."

"Virgans".

& "BWA Hahaha!"

DM: Penalty flag! no movie quotes.

Bear in mind that we're not actually actually action heroes with intelligence unmeasurable by normal tests, we're nerds with dice.

<Wizard> "OMG he's got a magical aura! He's an illusion, don't attack him!"
<Fighter> "Uh dude, he just beaned me for 25 damage."
<Wizard> "DISBELIEVE THE DAMAGE!"
<DM> Err, actually...
<Wizard> HE DOES NOT EXIST!
<DM> Um...
<Wizard> I'M NOT LISTENING!
<DM> *to Fighter* Uh, that was the Bull's Strength buff he has on him.
<Ogre> *grapples Wizard*
<Wizard> I make a will save to DISBELIEVE!

It's basic mathematics for Gygax's sake! When did circles start to have a volume?

Him: can't I make a fort save?

Me: But you just did, TWO in fact. One to vomit it up and one against the poison.

Him: But I didn't KNOW what it was for.

Me: So?

Him: so it's unfair!

Me: No it's not...

Him: The body would continuously work to correct the problem (rolls) I got a nat 20!

Me: No, he doesn't get a second because he failed the first, and we're still in combat, so a minute hasn't gone by.

Him: I kill myself.

Me: what?

Him: my character kills himself, he'd rather die then live with that.

Me:

Him: what should I roll up for my next character?

The solution, as with every case of such problems, is fire, and lots of it.

Adamantine Horror. Just...Adamantine Horror.

Edit: Ninjas. Just ninjas.

...all thrown party members...

This will not end well.

I think you added an extra "not" in there, Flickerdart.

Though a feat called Awesome would be fun.

Home City is such a difficult military target that people used to joke that the only way to launch an assault would be to have been born inside the walls. A few decades ago, a small elite team of treasonous guards took several of the royal family hostage within the central castle itself, in an attempt by a rival kingdom to distract the city long enough to open a gap in our defenses.
Within three hours, the attack was repeled, and the entire team of traitors had been captured, sentenced, tortured, and cast into the acid pits of the sewers. People used to joke that the only way to launch a successful assault would be to have been born inside the walls.
People don't make that joke any more.

...the citizens of Undead City are happy to give their blood and have their corpses used after death when it means they don't have to do a lot of actual WORK.

Previously the Swashbuckler

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Sorcerer...Archivist... guy.

Plus, it gets you more win points - which based on your previous campaign journals, you should have accumulated just about enough to get your name as the definition of "Win" in Merriam-Webster's Dictionary. Oxford, however, requires a few more. Keep at it.

When Deus Ex Machinas Attack!

DM: "Roll me up 4 touch attacks."
Us: "4, 7, 7, 20."
DM: "Okay, now someone look up the damage on a maximized, empowered meteor swarm."
Us: "..."

Basically cut to the test footage of the atom bomb as the boss, the dungeon, and us were blown to atoms.

There's no better way for the party to find out about this sort of stuff than in the middle of a heated battle.

DING!!
DING!!
DING!!


WE HAVE A WINNER!

*Presents PairO'Dice Lost with a large trophy, surmounted with a 1 foot diameter gold-plated rendering of a chocolate-chunk cookie.*

After so many wrong guesses I felt something a little ostentious was called for, but in case you are hungry...

*Also gives a snicker-doodle.*

Ok, the worst artifact to activate ever

"Ha ha! I shall sell this exquisite picture on the chapter header for lots of gold!"
*rip*
"And now I--what's this? It's blank? Well, maybe the next page will have something..."
*turn*
"Wait...that's the one I just tore out!"
*rip*
"Blank again! And..."
*turn*
"...the same page."
*rip*
*turn*
*rip*
*turn*
*rip*
*turn*
*rip*
*turn*
"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!"

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*snort*hahahaha hahahahahahaha
hahaha*thunk*OW! Ha!

The Butterfly Effect is maximized when the butterfly can bend space-time to its will.

Ummm... You fall, rock dies...

Do you own any of the following - a hat, a bed, a book or a seven foot garden gnome statue that speaks french and is responsible for the death of ninety different species?

the horses's god of humans.

Although, of course, if your drinking is leading you to make posts you can't remember, you may have a problem.

I can see the headlines now: Warrior can't hit Wizard in melee, parents are shamed.

Well, at least this isn't a "morally justified" thread.

Well, at least this isn't a "morally justified" thread.

Quotes I did:

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Wizard: Magic Mis-
Monk: AoO
Wizard: Acis spla-
Monk: AoO
Wizard: Mage ar-
Monk:You're unconsious.

Whaa?
You have spell-like abilities.
What?
Spell-like abilities.
What?
Spell-like abilities.
What?
Spell-like abilities.
What?
Spell-like abil-uh, you can pretend you can cast spells.
Cast what now?

This isn't thread necromancy, right?
Edit: It is?!? RAISE THREAD!

PLEASE DON'T KILL AND ZOMBIFY MEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(runs)

Not all in white is secret.

Guess what?
You're not pregnent, are you?
:OotS: ...
I mean, not that she would be...

Dude, don't taunt the world you-killing abomination team of vampires.

Er, I don't want to tell Hermione about that, but...
Hermione: (insert name of damaging, non-dark-arts spell)
Never mind.

Gaming quotes

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Bob (drow): I'm pretty sure I'm older than anyone on that list
Orthakos (orc with a name that chronologs his family history): Even Grumsh himself?
B: Sure, little guy-
O: Grumsh is the patron diety of the orks.
(pause)
B: Great, another diety I've offended.

Me: Okay, so the rogue [a bad guy] takes falling damage.
DM: You KILLED the rogue.

Me: Do you know what a quasit is?
Newbie player: Is it a closet, said by a baby?

An insulting quote:
"However, in order for that explanation to be correct, dragons would have to exist."

[Haruki-kun]

[Recaiden]

He's going for people who have so many quotes that they can't fit them all in their signature. It has been attempted before, and failed, but who knows?

[Haruki-kun]

He's going for people who have so many quotes that they can't fit them all in their signature. It has been attempted before, and failed, but who knows?

I don't get it.

[Recaiden]

I don't get it.

There is a 500 character limit on signatures. If you have quotes and things that are more than 500 characters, you can include a link to a single post made in this thread, which contains the information that would be in your signature. Fewer people will see it, but it will be there. The idea is more applicable to homebrew, as more people would want to reference it, but can be applied in other areas as well.

[Haruki-kun]

There is a 500 character limit on signatures. If you have quotes and things that are more than 500 characters, you can include a link to a single post made in this thread, which contains the information that would be in your signature. Fewer people will see it, but it will be there. The idea is more applicable to homebrew, as more people would want to reference it, but can be applied in other areas as well.

Well, you can do what I did a really long time ago...

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Take a screenshot of the stuff you want and spoiler it.

It just seems rather pointless to include a link here.

[Icewalker]

Hehe...hehehe...I like this. I'll just add a new one every week.

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War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ignorance is strength
-1984 by George Orwell

" 'would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where-' said Alice
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat."
-Alice and The Cheshire Cat, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

"The scale of color, unlike the scale of music, flows evenly from one side of the circular spectrum to the other. Although, one could say that the tone of music is the same sphere of sound, with the key of Indigo transposed into the key of Violet, then Magenta, Lavender, Crimson, Red, Vermilion, Amber… all the way until it glissandos from Blue back to Indigo…"
-from the story Colorshock, by Hillary Milton

"There are five things which are dangerous in generals: those who are ready to die can be killed; those who are intent on living can be captured; those who are quick to anger can be shamed; those who are puritanical can be disgraced; those who love people can be troubled. These five things are flaws in generals, disasters for military operations."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? ... Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?"
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Fashion is something so hideous, that we must change it every six months."

"Think of it like milk. Except it comes from diseased orphans."
-LoadingReadyRun sketch, Economic Stimulus

"Our gold is living gold, and our silver is living silver, so that they can cause nothing but life and growth. Common gold and silver are dead."
-Anonymous German philosopher, The Golden Tract in the alchemical collection The Hermetic Museum

"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." — Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
-The Charge of the Light Brigade, Alfred Tennyson

“So, I can keep my bad-ass spirit free, and let my body be chained . . . Or I can chain my spirit and keep my body free?”
“Yes. The choice is yours.”
Daku stood up, in a defiant pose. “Screw my spirit, you’re hot. Let’s fight crime.”
-Daku Hammerfist and Akali Weere , from a story of Nolix%Uul

"Liberty? Why it doesn't exist. There is no liberty in this world, just gilded cages."
-Aldous Huxley

Amanda: Darling, I believe you're talking nonsense.
Elyot: So is everyone else in the long run.
-Private Lives, a play by Noel Coward

How well he's read, to reason against reading!
-Love's Labours Lost, Shakespeare

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
`Psychic Wins Lottery.'" - Comedian Jay Leno

"Betrayal leads to death. First for the betrayed, then for the betrayer."
-The Eternal (myself)

"Fashion is something so hideous, that we must change it every six months."

Sic labitur aetas: Thus passes a lifetime.
-Sundial motto

[GreatWyrmGold]

I actually did run over the 500 char limit...with that quote between orthakos (my character at the time) and Bob.

Anyone else with quotes?

EDIT:I know I've run way over the limit now.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Ah, well, now I have a place to put bazillions of quotes.

[Jallorn]

My friend, you have a serious quoting problem.

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff of Moddingham: Thread necromancy makes baby thog cry. Please see the Forum Rules about thread necromancy.