Support the GITP forums on Patreon
Help support GITP's forums (and ongoing server maintenance) via Patreon
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 32
  1. - Top - End - #1
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Yes, that is true
    Gender
    Male2Female

    tongue The Joke Monster Thread!

    Hey all,

    Joke monsters. We've all seen them. We've all thought of them. Well, here's a place to put 'em!

    This thread is for ridiculous, silly, or just plain over-the-top creatures. It is suggested you actually create a functioning hombrew for it (so it can be used ), but it is also allowed (nay, advocated!) to slip in little jokes as you go. It'll be fun. We promise.

    Oh, and as I'm about to demonstrate, it is allowed to take something similar to something established, such as a template that already exists or a type that already exists, so long as it's used in a way you would never consider seriously (like a half-dragon ooze template, for example).

    I shall begin with a creature I should've finished a month ago

    Spoiler
    Show
    Zohm sprinted through the jungle, as fast as his short Dwarven legs could carry him. He could hear the taunting whoops of the creature chasing him. There was a kind of dread about the shrieking voice, but he couldn’t pin it down (though he never attempted to).

    Zohm dove into a nearby cave, and raised his hammer high.

    All was quiet (no, silent!) for several minutes.

    And then, with a terrifying “SHRIIIEEEK!!!” the gnarled, mangled face of Death itself jumped at him!
    Spoiler
    Show
    It was… The dreaded Weremonkey!!!


    Spoiler
    Show
    Weremonkey

    A weremonkey is a type of lycanthrope, and as such, it counts as either an acquired template, or a more potent inherited template. It can be applied to any living, humanoid creature of Diminutive, Tiny, or Small size (hereafter referred to as the base creature). Becoming a weremonkey is like multiclassing as a monkey.

    Size and Type: The base creature’s type does not change, but the creature gains the shapechanger subtype. The base creature takes on some of the characteristics of a monkey, such as short fur and a long face. They are also likely to shriek in a very annoying manner when frightened. Disturbingly, weremonkeys have a certain tendency to… Well, it involves throwing something that should never be touched. Ever.

    Hit Dice: Hit Dice are the same as the base creature + 1D8.

    Speed: Same as the base creature while in humanoid form. 30 ft (6 squares) while in monkey form (with 30ft. per round climb speed in monkey form). Hybrids use the base creature’s speed.

    Armor Class: The base creature’s natural armor bonus increases by +2 in all forms. In hybrid form, the lycanthrope’s natural armor bonus is equal to the natural armor bonus of the base animal, as monkeys have no natural armor.

    Base Attack/Grapple: +0 base attack bonus. +0/-12 in monkey form.

    Attacks: Same as the base creature or base animal, depending on which form the lycanthrope is using. A lycanthrope in hybrid form gains two claw attacks and a bite attack as natural weapons.

    A weremonkey in hybrid form can bite once for 1D4 damage and claw twice for 1D3 damage each. They typically opt to use the weapon(s) that the base creature uses, because they get annoyed when their target dies of an infection in the middle of the fight (it takes so long, they get infections in the first bites (ba-dum-pum!)).

    Special Attacks: A lycanthrope retains the special attacks of the base creature or base animal, depending on which form it is using, and also gains the special attacks described below.
    A lycanthrope’s hybrid form does not gain any special attacks of the base animal. A lycanthrope spellcaster cannot cast spells with verbal, somatic, or material components while in animal form, or spells with verbal components while in hybrid form.

    In monkey form, the weremonkey has no special attacks. Oddly, this seems to help in combat, because it ****** them off so badly that they punch things even harder.

    Curse of Lycanthropy (Su): Any humanoid or giant hit by a natural lycanthrope’s bite attack in animal or hybrid form must succeed on a DC 15 Fortitude save or contract lycanthropy. If the victim’s size is not within one size category of the lycanthrope the victim cannot contract lycanthropy from that lycanthrope. Afflicted lycanthropes cannot pass on the curse of lycanthropy.

    Alternate Form (Su): A weremonkey can shift into the shape of a monkey as a full-round action as though it were doing so with a Polymorph spell (well, maaaaybe Baleful Polymorph). Its equipment is not affected, so heavy armor is discouraged in order to prevent becoming trapped in it. The weremonkey does not regain hit points by alternating its form. It can also morph into a hybrid form… That is completely different from its monkey form (we swear).

    In monkey form, ability scores alter in this way;
    STR: -4, DEX: +2, CON: +0

    A dead weremonkey returns to its humanoid form (well, its more humanoid form). Somehow, however, severed body parts continue to resemble a monkey’s.
    Afflicted lycanthropes find this ability difficult to control (see Lycanthropy as an Affliction, below), but natural lycanthropes have full control over this power.

    Damage Reduction (Ex): An afflicted weremonkey in animal or hybrid form has damage reduction 5/silver. A natural weremonkey in animal or hybrid form has damage reduction 10/silver.

    Lycanthropic Empathy (Ex): In any form, weremonkeys can communicate and empathize with normal or dire monkeys (arguably, one and the same). This gives them a +4 racial bonus on checks when influencing the animal’s attitude and allows the communication of simple concepts and (if the animal is friendly) commands, such as “friend,” “foe,” “flee,” and “attack.”

    Low-Light Vision (Ex): A weremonkey has low-light vision in any form, despite the fact that monkeys aren’t nocturnal.

    Scent (Ex): Weremonkeys have the Scent (ability) in any given form.

    Skills: A lycanthrope gains skill points equal to (2 + Int modifier, minimum 1) per Hit Die of its animal form, as if it had multiclassed into the animal type. (Animal is never its first Hit Die, though, and it does not gain quadruple skill points for any animal Hit Die.) Any skill given in the animal’s description is a class skill for the lycanthrope’s animal levels. In any form, a lycanthrope also has any racial skill bonuses of the base creature and of the base animal, although conditional skill bonuses only apply in the associated form.

    Feats: A weremonkey gains Iron Will as a bonus feat. It also gains Weapon Finesse, but it can’t use it if it doesn’t meet the prerequisites. If the base creature already had Weapon Finesse, just ignore this portion as though I never typed it.

    Environment: Warm Forests, near the Base Creature’s home, the bowels of Hell…

    Organization: Solitary or pair, sometimes family (3–4), pack (6–10), or troupe (4+5 monkeys)

    Treasure: Standard

    Alignment: Always pure Chaotic Evil. Even in humanoid form. Even for Aasimar. Always.

    … Okay, so some are Lawful, or Good, or whatever…


    LYCANTHROPY AS AN AFFLICTION
    When a character contracts lycanthropy through a lycanthrope’s bite (see above), no symptoms appear until the first night of the next full moon. On that night, the afflicted character involuntarily assumes animal form and forgets his or her own identity, temporarily becoming an NPC. The character remains in animal form, assuming the appropriate alignment, until the next dawn.
    The character’s actions during this first episode are dictated by the alignment of its animal form. The character remembers nothing about the entire episode (or subsequent episodes) unless he succeeds on a DC 15 Wisdom check, in which case he becomes aware of his lycanthropic condition.
    Thereafter, the character is subject to involuntary transformation under the full moon and whenever damaged in combat. He or she feels an overwhelming rage building up and must succeed on a Control Shape check (see below) to resist changing into animal form. Any player character not yet aware of his or her lycanthropic condition temporarily becomes an NPC during an involuntary change, and acts according to the alignment of his or her animal form.
    A character with awareness of his condition retains his identity and does not lose control of his actions if he changes. However, each time he changes to his animal form, he must make a Will save (DC 15 + number of times he has been in animal form) or permanently assume the alignment of his animal form in all shapes.
    Once a character becomes aware of his affliction, he can now voluntarily attempt to change to animal or hybrid form, using the appropriate Control Shape check DC. An attempt is a standard action and can be made each round. Any voluntary change to animal or hybrid form immediately and permanently changes the character’s alignment to that of the appropriate lycanthrope.

    Changing Form
    Changing form is a standard action. If the change is involuntary, the character performs the change on his next turn following the triggering event. Changing to animal or hybrid form ruins the character’s armor and clothing (including any items worn) if the new form is larger than the character’s natural form; carried items are simply dropped. Characters can hastily doff clothing while changing, but not armor. Magic armor survives the change if it succeeds on a DC 15 Fortitude save. An afflicted character who is not aware of his condition remains in animal form until the next dawn. An afflicted character who is aware of his or her condition (see above) can try to resume humanoid form following a change (voluntary or involuntary) with a Control Shape check, but if he fails his check, he remains in animal (or hybrid) form until the following dawn.

    Curing Lycanthropy
    An afflicted character who eats a sprig of belladonna (also called wolfsbane) within 1 hour of a lycanthrope’s attack can attempt a DC 20 Fortitude save to shake off the affliction. If a healer administers the herb, use the character’s save bonus or the healer’s Heal modifier, whichever is higher. The character gets only one chance, no matter how much belladonna is consumed. The belladonna must be reasonably fresh (picked within the last week).
    However, fresh or not, belladonna is toxic. The character must succeed on a DC 13 Fortitude save or take 1d6 points of Strength damage. One minute later, the character must succeed on a second DC 13 save or take an additional 2d6 points of Strength damage.
    A remove disease or heal spell cast by a cleric of 12th level or higher also cures the affliction, provided the character receives the spell within three days of the lycanthrope’s attack.
    The only other way to remove the affliction is to cast remove curse or break enchantment on the character during one of the three days of the full moon. After receiving the spell, the character must succeed on a DC 20 Will save to break the curse (the caster knows if the spell works). If the save fails, the process must be repeated.
    Characters undergoing this cure are often kept bound or confined in cages until the cure takes effect.
    Only afflicted lycanthropes can be cured of lycanthropy.

    LYCANTHROPES AS CHARACTERS
    Becoming a lycanthrope does not change a character’s favored class but usually changes alignment (see above). This alignment change may cause characters of certain classes to lose some of their class features.
    Lycanthrope characters possess the following racial traits.
    — +2 Wisdom. Physical abilities are increased by the animal form’s ability modifiers when a lycanthrope changes to its hybrid or animal forms.
    —Size same as the base creature or the base animal form.
    —Low-light vision in any form.
    —Scent in any form.
    —Racial Hit Dice: A lycanthrope adds the Hit Dice of its animal form to its base Hit Dice for race, level, and class. These additional Hit Dice modify the lycanthrope’s base attack bonus and base saving throw bonuses accordingly.
    —Racial Skills: A lycanthrope adds skill points for its animal Hit Dice much as if it had multiclassed into the animal type. It gains skill points equal to (2 + Int modifier, minimum 1) per Hit Die of the animal form. Any skills that appear in the animal’s description are treated as class skills for the lycanthrope’s animal levels. The lycanthrope’s maximum skill ranks are equal to its animal form Hit Dice + its racial Hit Dice (if any) + its class levels + 3. Any racial skill adjustments of the lycanthrope’s base race and its animal form (but not conditional adjustments) are added to its skill modifiers in any form.
    —Racial Feats: Add the animal’s Hit Dice to the base character’s own Hit Dice to determine how many feats the character has. All lycanthropes gain Iron Will as a bonus feat.
    — +2 natural armor bonus in any form.
    —Special Qualities (see above): Alternate form, lycanthropic empathy, curse of lycanthropy (in animal or hybrid form only).
    —Afflicted lycanthrope: damage reduction 5/silver (in animal or hybrid form only).
    —Natural lycanthrope: damage reduction 10/silver (in animal or hybrid form only).
    —Automatic Languages: As base creature.
    —Favored Class: Same as the base creature.
    —Level adjustment: Same as the base creature +2 (afflicted) or +3 (natural).

    CONTROL SHAPE (WIS)
    Any character who has contracted lycanthropy and is aware of his condition can learn Control Shape as a class skill. (An afflicted lycanthrope not yet aware of his condition can attempt Control Shape checks untrained.) This skill determines whether an afflicted lycanthrope can control his shape. A natural lycanthrope does not need this skill, since it has full control over its shape.
    Check (Involuntary Change): An afflicted character must make a check at moonrise each night of the full moon to resist involuntarily assuming animal form. An injured character must also check for an involuntary change after accumulating enough damage to reduce his hit points by one-quarter and again after each additional one-quarter lost.
    Involuntary Change Control Shape DC
    Resist involuntary change 25
    On a failed check, the character must remain in animal form until the next dawn, when he automatically returns to his base form. A character aware of his condition may make one attempt to return to humanoid form (see below), but if he fails, he remains in animal form until the next dawn.
    Retry (Involuntary Change): Check to resist an involuntary change once each time a triggering event occurs.
    Check (Voluntary Change): In addition, an afflicted lycanthrope aware of his condition may attempt to use this skill voluntarily in order to change to animal form, assume hybrid form, or return to humanoid form, regardless of the state of the moon or whether he has been injured.
    Involuntary Change Control Shape DC
    Return to humanoid form (full moon*) 25
    Return to humanoid form (not full moon) 20
    Assume hybrid form 15
    Voluntary change to animal form (full moon) 15
    Voluntary change to animal form (not full moon) 20
    * For game purposes, the full moon lasts three days every month.
    Retry (Voluntary Change): A character can retry voluntary changes to animal form or hybrid form as often as he likes. Each attempt is a standard action. However, on a failed check to return to humanoid form, the character must remain in animal or hybrid form until the next dawn, when he automatically returns to humanoid form.
    Special: An afflicted lycanthrope cannot attempt a voluntary change until it becomes aware of its condition (see Lycanthropy as an Affliction).
    Thanks for existing.

    Dragon Hunter avatar by Lerky. Magical Girl by the lovely Astrella~

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Augusta, Georgia
    Gender
    Male

    biggrin giant halflings

    Ritoru Kyojin

    The following information about the Ritoru Kyojins can be obtained with a successful Nature check.

    DC 15: A race of giant halflings, well over 5 feet tall, they are fair-skinned, orange-haired (on their feet too) and are well-known for their rich cuisine and shrines to demon lords such as Chairman Orcus, Chef Azazel and Oven Master Xaphan.
    DC 20:Their magical practices tend to focus on demonology and they believe demons are intimately involved in their lives and when they die the demons judge a multi-course meal based around a theme of river eel and asparagus upon entering the afterlife. Some heretic cooks believe the final meal is made from udon and peaches.

    (page 250 in the Monster Manual).

    Chaos Chihuahua
    Mini-taur
    Last edited by Dirt_Kami; 2009-07-02 at 03:35 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Bremerton, WA

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    I don't have the block on my computer, but I ran a game wherein the players fought as follows:
    A dire weasel
    3 Vampire ferrets
    A Wireless Wizard whom summoned the USB Dongle Goblin
    4 Ninja Turtles
    The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy
    A badger
    A mushroom
    And a snake
    (The last three, in a single combat)
    Last edited by Fiendish_Dire_Moose; 2009-07-02 at 03:36 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    I believe I shall go ahead and post some of my oldy but goodies of a more silly nature, although in one case I shall have to simply link and can't take all the credit since I was statting out something from one of Rich's single panel voting incentives and drew heavily on a concept created by another... the results however have a LOT of work by me go into them.

    In any case, let us start with one of my pun creatures.

    M.I.R.V. Griffon
    Large Magical Beast (Shapechanger?)
    HD 6d10+18 (Average 51)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares), fly 80 ft. (average)
    Init: +2
    AC 17 (-1 size, +2 Dex, +6 natural), touch 11, flat-footed 15
    BAB +6; Grp +14
    Attack Bite +10 melee (2d6+4)
    Full-Attack Bite +10 melee (2d6+4) and 2 claws +7 melee (1d4+2)
    Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Split Dive
    Special Qualities Split Dive, Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
    Saves Fort +8 Ref +7 Will +3
    Abilities Str 18, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 5, Wis 13, Cha 8
    Skills Jump +7, Listen +6, Spot +10
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), (Feat at 9HD will always be Iron Will)
    Environment Temperate hills
    Organization Solitary or Pair
    Challenge Rating 4?
    Treasure None
    Alignment Usually Neutral
    Advancement 8-10 HD (Large); 11-21 HD (Huge) AND/OR occasionally rogue levels (but without Trapfinding or Trap Sense)
    Level Adjustment +4 (Cohort)

    M.I.R.V. Griffons follow the same basic behaviors as griffons except that each one will hunt and/or fight as an individual or a hyper-loyal pack whichever it feels is most efficient, and they are even more likely to seek a height advantage against a foe (and to maintain altitude in any case) so that they can maintain their tactical option. They will sometimes sacrifice one or more splits so others can escape, or go into combat relying on such an escape if they are unsure of the odds, but they are aware of the consequences of such tactics (loss of HD and temporary reduction of mental stats).


    Skills
    M.I.R.V. Griffons have a +4 racial bonus on Listen and Spot checks.

    Split Dive (Su)
    Once per 10 minutes when diving a M.I.R.V. Griffon may split into a number of smaller Griffons in an explosion of feathers. The number may be from 2 to 1/2 of the originals HD (rounded down). It must dive, loosing at least 30 feet of altitude, directly before splitting (although this can be partially or entirely occuring in the previous round in some cases), and any attacks the splits make that round must be charges. This is technically a free action, but any actions or fractions of actions (such as distance moved) count against the actions that can be undertaken by each split. The total number of HD is conserved and must be split as evenly as possible while remaining counting numbers. Hitpoints are distributed amoung the splits as closely as possible to in proportion with HD while remaining counting integers and retaining the same total. The split Griffons have the same saves. They also have the same Feats, and total skill modifiers as the original EXCEPT for size modifiers, and changes from stat changes. BAB is recalculated based on new HD ((Should I change this to be equal to original BAB???)).The splitting does usually change stats and/or size class. Mental stats are always reduced by one from the original. The splits also act on the same initiative as the original.The mental stats of the Splits are each reduced by one. The splits can remain apart for no more than double the original M.I.R.V. Griffon's hit dice. If this limit is exceeded then all but the one with the most hit dice dies (ties broken by number of hitpoints remaining, then by the hive-mind's decision). In such a case the temporary reduction of mental stats remains in effect on the original (and stacks if it splits) for the following month. Any status effects on splits that rejoice are cumulative (but do NOT stack, so if one split was poisoned, one was Hasted and one was, and one was in a barbarian rage, then all these effects would be in effect on the re-combined Griffon). To rejoin all two (or more) living splits must do is occupy the same space (they can not otherwise occupy the same space, although if forced into each-other may elect to either rejoin or act as totally separate creatures would under the same circumstances)). The resulting M.I.R.V.ed Griffon continues its turn with the amount of actions (including fractional actions such as distance remaining on movement etc) equal to the lowest of the amounts available to the splits that formed it, and has hit dice and hitpoints each equal to the total of the splits that went into it. A split may not split unless it is the only one remaining alive (GMs discretion in cases where some splits are turned to stone, Imprisoned Etc) in which case, technically it is simply a Splitter Griffon (the point is merely semantic in this case).

    Hive Mind (Su)
    The splits of a given M.I.R.V. Griffon are in constant telepathic communication with eachother (with a range equal to 100 feet per hit die of the original splitter griffon), and are so hive-minded that any mind-influencing effect (as well as effects or parts of effects (such as the hedging out of control from Protection from Evil) that act against such effects) is rolled/applied only once against them, effects all of them, and they count as a single creature with the original number of hit dice (this includes getting them to attack eachother). Line of sight/effect is only needed to one of them to effect all of them. If one split of a given M.I.R.V. Griffon is aware of a particular danger, they all are. If one in such a group is not flat-footed, none of them are. No M.I.R.V.ed Griffon in such a group is considered flanked unless all of them are.

    Pounce (Ex)
    If a M.I.R.V. Griffon dives upon or charges a foe, it can make a full attack, including two rake attacks.

    Rake (Ex)
    Attack bonus Attack bonus as per claw attack, damage as given.



    M.I.R.V.ed Griffon(2HD)
    Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger?)
    HD 2d10+6 (17 hp for standard Splitter Griffon)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares), fly 80 ft. (Good)
    Init: +3
    AC 17 (+3 Dex, +4 natural), touch 13, flat-footed 14
    BAB +2; Grp +2
    Attack Bite +6 melee (1d8)
    Full-Attack Bite +6 melee (1d8) and 2 claws +3 melee (1d4)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Pounce, rake 1d6
    Special Qualities Rejoin, Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
    Saves (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Abilities Str 10, Dex 17, Con 12, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 7
    Skills Jump +3, Listen +6, Spot +10
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), (Iron Will if original was at least 9 HD)


    M.I.R.V.ed Griffon(3HD)
    Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger?)
    HD 3d10+9 (Standard Splitter Griffon will produce one with 25 hp and one with 26)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares), fly 80 ft. (Good)
    Init: +3
    AC 17 (+3 Dex, +4 natural), touch 13, flat-footed 14
    BAB +3; Grp +4
    Attack Bite +5 melee (1d8+1)
    Full-Attack Bite +5 melee (1d8+1) and 2 claws +? melee (1d4)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Pounce, rake 1d4+1
    Special Qualities Rejoin, Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
    Saves (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Abilities Str 12, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 7
    Skills Jump +8, Listen +6, Spot +10
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), (Iron Will if original was at least 9 HD)


    M.I.R.V.ed Griffon(4HD) (For use with advanced Splitter Griffons)
    Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger?)
    HD 4HD (Average HP)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares), fly 80 ft. (average)
    Init: +2
    AC 17 (+2 Dex, +5 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 15
    BAB +4; Grp +6
    Attack Bite +7 melee (1d8+2)
    Full-Attack Bite +7 melee (1d8+2) and 2 claws +8 melee (1d4+2)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Pounce, rake 1d4+2
    Special Qualities Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
    Saves (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Abilities Str 14, Dex 15, Con 13, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 7
    Skills (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), (Iron Will if original was at least 9 HD)


    M.I.R.V.ed Griffon(5HD) (For use with advanced Splitter Griffons)
    Medium Magical Beast (Shapechanger?)
    HD 5d10 (Average HP)
    Speed 30 ft. (6 squares), fly 80 ft. (average)
    Init: +2
    AC 17 (+2 Dex, +5 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 15
    BAB +4; Grp +6
    Attack Bite +7 melee (1d8+2)
    Full-Attack Bite +7 melee (1d8+2) and 2 claws +8 melee (1d4+2)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Pounce, rake 1d4+2
    Special Qualities Rejoin, Darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent
    Saves (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Abilities Str 16, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 7
    Skills (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), Iron Will, (One more if original was at least 12 HD, usually power attack)


    M.I.R.V.ed Griffon(6HD) (For use with advanced Splitter Griffons)
    As standard unsplit Splitter Griffon, except as follows:
    Abilities Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 7
    Skills (As Original modified for stat changes, but NOT for HD reduction)
    Feats Weapon Finesse, Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite), Iron Will, (One more usually power attack)


    Treat splits with 7 or more hit dice as advanced splitter griffons except they can't split, have the hive-mind, etc.
    Last edited by DracoDei; 2009-07-02 at 05:06 PM.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    The term the pun is based on is "Sotto Voce", which is technically Italian.
    Soda Vulture
    Small Elemental (Air, Water)
    HD 2d8+2 (11 hp)
    Speed 10 ft. (2 squares); Fly 40 ft (Clumsy)
    Init: +1 (+1 Dex)
    AC 14; touch 12; flat-footed 13
    (+1 size, +1 Dex, +2 Natural)
    BAB +1; Grp -2
    Attack Bite +2 melee (1d4+1 plus Killing Touch)
    Full-Attack Bite +2 melee (1d4+1 plus Killing Touch)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Elemental Vomit, Killing Touch
    Special Qualities Immune to disease, Take-off Roll, 50% chance of Scent (roll once for all encountered at one time), ?Turn Resistance +1?
    Saves Fort +4 Ref +4 Will +2
    Abilities Str 12, Dex 13, Con 13, Int 2, Wis 14, Cha 5
    Skills Spot +15
    Feats Dodge
    Environment Any Non-Arctic (but most often in deserts), Elemental Plane of Air
    Organization Solitary or Flock(3-10)
    Challenge Rating 2
    Treasure None
    Alignment Always Neutral
    Advancement 3-4 HD (Small); 5-7 HD (Medium)
    This creature is a mass of water, shot through with a huge number of small bubbles. Its shape is like that of a great soaring bird, right down to the feathers, except for the head which is noticeably smoother.

    Combat
    Soda Vultures are scavengers, only attacking the dead or dying that they spot while soaring high above... they will approach a dying creature with care, and waiting patiently until it can put up little or no further resistance. If attacked, they will use their elemental vomit, but they do not generally attack fleeing foes. They may however follow them at a distance, just like they would any other creature.

    Elemental Vomit(Su): As a last resort defensive measure a water bird may greatly increase the slightly acid nature of a small part of its substance and vomit it at an attacker. This deals the Soda Vulture 3 hp of damage, has a range increment of 10 feet, a maximum range of 30 feet, and is otherwise similar to Melf's Acid Arrow with a caster level equal to double the water bird's hit-dice.

    Killing Touch(Su): Soda Vultures do not eat or drink in the normal senses of the words, but rather must take air and water from other organisms to survive. If a water bird hits a living creature that breaths air and contains water with its bite attack, or would have hit had it been a touch attack, and (after damage, if any, from the bite attack is resolved) that creature has less than zero hit-points then the creature is instantly slain as the water bird draws forth the water from the body and the air from the lungs. On the following turn it incorporates these materials into its body as a full round action. This ability also works on dead (NOT undead or deathless) creatures that have been dead for less than 1 hour per hit-die that the water-bird possesses. In either case, the remaining corpse is totally desiccated, but if handled with care to prevent too much fracturing/tearing (and not previously undead etc etc), is still suitable for Raise Dead. If Create Water and Gust of Wind are both cast on a water bird within one round of eachother, this also will sustain it as if it had "eaten" until it could "eat" no more.

    Take-off Roll(Ex): Soda Vultures must run for a full round in a straight line, moving the maximum distance their speed would allow (so 40 feet), to build up speed for one round before taking off and may not change direction while flying the following round.

    Skills
    Soda Vultures have a +8 racial bonus on Spot checks and may use Spot in place of Heal and/or Sense Motive to determine the state of health of creatures.


    Soda Vultures often mutter words under their breath although they have no more understanding of what these words mean than a parrot does. This ability is inborn and requires no exposure to language of any kind. Soda Vultures are occasionally domesticated for use converting freshly slaughtered animals into jerky(in such a case some of the cleaning/dressing process occurs before the water bird is allowed access to it, and some afterward). Such a trained creature is worth 10 gold pieces, and can be reared from an egg (1 gp value) with a successful Handle Animal check DC 15. This process takes 2 months but only 1 hour of work is needed per day. Note that training them to do anything but make jerky for you, not bite people who enter their cage and not try to escape their cage TOO hard is next to impossible.
    Last edited by DracoDei; 2009-07-02 at 05:12 PM.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    This one is meant to have a whole adventure built around it. Good for putting the fear of the GM into players who expect to beat things based on how they build their characters and playing them only based on tactics learned on boards like this one, rather than also including adaptive thinking. Hint: You can only ever use this creature ONCE with any given group of players.

    Acorn Folly
    Medium Construct
    HD 6d10+20 (Average 53 hp)
    Speed 20 ft. (4 squares); (Can charge and double move, but not run)
    Init: +0
    AC 16 (+6 Natural); touch 10; flat-footed 14
    BAB +3; Grp +7
    Attack Slam +7 (1d6+3)
    Full-Attack 2 Slams +7 (1d6+3)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks
    Special Qualities Woodland Stride, Trackless Step, DR 15/Epic or Squirrel(but see below for more precise definition), Fire Resistance 5, Electricity Resistance 5, Acid Resistance 5, Cold Resistance 3, SR 22(but see below), Tree Shape(Oak Only, size equal to that of the Acorn Folly) 2/day, Construct Traits
    Saves Fort +4 Ref +1 Will +4
    Abilities Str 16, Dex 10, Con -, Int 14, Wis 5, Cha 1
    Skills Move Silently +9, Spot +7, Listen +9, Hide +9, Knowledge(Nature) +8
    Feats Iron Will(B), Great Fortitude, Stealthy, Alertness
    Environment Deciduous Forest
    Organization Solitary or Pair
    Challenge Rating Not Applicable (see "Usage" below).
    Treasure None
    Alignment Always Neutral
    Advancement 7-8 (Medium); 9-16 (Large) 17-24 (Huge)

    This humanoid figure seems comprised of a mass of small nuts. through gaps at the joints an incredibly crude wooden "skeleton" can be glimpsed.

    Squirrels and Acorn Folly Spell Resistance: Due to the insane nature of the Nature magic animating them, Acorn Follies have a unique weakness... Squirrels. Any magic spell that has been modified to have a squirrelesque aspect to it ignores an Acorn Folly's Spell Resistance and Energy Resistances. Examples include Magic Missile spells that hurl phantasmal squirrels at the target which seem to bite it, a Burning Hands spell that takes the form of a squirrel of pure flame with a gigantic lashing tail, or a Shout spell that sounds like squirrel chittering. Researching these cosmetic modifications for a spell that is already known requires 1/10 the time and resources of researching the spell from scratch and the spellcraft check is 3 points lower.

    Acorn Folly Damage Reduction:
    Live Squirrel -> Full weapon damage on strike (but even a to-hit roll that hits as a touch attack will kill the squirrel, thus reducing its effectiveness on future strikes, unless it is somehow protected) -> no damage reduction
    Dead Squirrel (including arrows tipped with squirrel bones/teeth and such) -> damage reduced by 6 but with a minimum of 1 point of damage inflicted.
    Slashing or peircing weapon coated in fresh (still red and unclotted) squirrel blood -> damage reduced by 6 points
    Squirrel shaped weapon or squirrel motif inscribed on a blade -> damage reduced by 10 points.
    Full round of contact with a live squirrel -> 2 points of damage (So tie a bunch of them to your armor and grapple it!)
    Full round of contact with a dead squirrel -> 1 point of damage
    Usage: Acorn Follies CAN be used as random encounters in a level appropriate way... however it is MUCH more effective to have them as the central theme of an adventure for characters of levels 2 or 3 or maybe 4. The adventure should focus on hasty research and weapon construction (including the capture of a large number of LIVE squirrels for research purposes and for tying onto weapons) before the Acorn Folly(-ies) can cause too much destruction. Discovering their weakness and figuring out means of exploiting it should be key points of the adventure.

    The creation of an Acorn Folly is noticably different from the process for most constructs in many regards. One is that there are no expensive components required and no XP component. Another is that there is no time limit per day either maximium or minimum that the creator must limit themselves to.

    Creating the body requires the creator to PERSONALLY assemble the wooden frame using healthy branches from Oak trees. The druid must be in base form whenever working on the harvesting and assembly of these branches. No tools of any kind may be used. This usually means that the druid must make all the necessary cuts by knawing the trunk and limbs with his own teeth (Magic Fang and Greater Magic Fang are popular when engaging in this activity..., and yes, a bite attack DOES count as a natural weapon for a human IMHO... just provokes an AoO even if you have Improved Unarmed Strike, only does 1 point of base damage and has some horrible to-hit penalty). Note that NONE of these restrictions apply to the acorns. The assembly requires a DC 5 Craft(carpentry) check. Although the materials are technically free, due to the restrictions on construction methods the body is considered to have a market price of 10,000 gp for purposes of how long it takes to construct (assuming a fairly usual race on the part of the creator and a medium size Acorn Folly), the spells mentioned above may, if used in great abundance may reduce this at the GM's discression.
    If the Acorn Folly is to be Large in size then the "cost" is doubled, and for Huge is quadrupaled.

    After the basic frame has been constructed 5,000 acorns, each of which has been affected by either Goodberry or Fire Seeds (when used for this purpose the spells do not provide their usual benefits, however the acorns need not be freshly picked, although they must be whole and unrotted, the duration of the spells is perminant, and Goodberry may be used even though acorns aren't berries) must be piled onto the frame, where-in they destribute themselves and magically adhere. The Acorn Folly is then complete with no further work, and no XP cost. For each additional hit die above the minimum 2,000 more enchanted acorns are required. Note that these spells can come from assistants, scrolls, etc and the means by which the acorns were gathered is irrelevant as long as they remain in good condition throughout the process. If at least %5 of the acorns were enchanted with Fire Seeds then the slam attacks strike as Flaming weapons, or as Flaming Burst weapons if at least %10 of the acorns were so enchanted. This effect may be changed to Shocking/Shocking Burst if the appropriate Energy Substitution feat was applied to all the Fire Seeds spells used to enchant the acorns, or it may function as both if the appropriate Energy Admixture feat was instead applied (or if the number of "Fire Seeds" affected acorns both with and without Energy Substitution(Electricity) applied to them to independantly meet the percentage requirements). Each additional damage type increases the base CR by 1.



    "Behind the scenes" for the number of acorns required.
    Assuming 9th level druid creator with a wisdom of 19 or lower and no assistants.
    14+(WIS bonus) spell slots per day at 9th level usable for "Good Berry". Assuming 16 WIS = 17 castings per day.
    17*5(average of 2d4) = 85 acorns per day average.
    Assume we want this to be ~60 days work... 85*60=5,100... so round that to 5,000 acorns
    \
    Fire Seeds is level 6 and lists as affecting up to 4 acorns or 8 holly berries
    Last edited by DracoDei; 2011-03-02 at 11:43 PM.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    I think this will be the last one for a while since I don't want to overload the thread. This is part of a larger setting, based on Candy-land, that other people are creating. You can find it by following the link in my extended signature to the Pez-Ants and then clinking from there to the thread as a whole.

    Pez-Ant
    Small Monsterous Humanoid (1st level Commoner)
    HD 1d4 (2 hp)
    Speed 20 ft. (4 squares); Climb 20 ft. ; Burrow 5 ft
    Init: +0
    AC 12; touch 11; flat-footed 12
    (+1 Size, +1 Natural)
    BAB +0; Grp -2
    Attack Sickle +2 (1d4+1, x3 critical)
    Full-Attack 4 sickles -2/-6/-6/-6 (1d4+1, x3 critical)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks
    Special Qualities
    Saves Fort +2 Ref +0 Will +1
    Abilities Str 14, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 8
    Skills Profession(Farmer) +8, Climb +10
    Feats Skill Focus[Profession(Farmer)], EnduraceB
    Environment Any Civilized
    Organization Any
    Challenge Rating 1/2?
    Treasure As per Class and Level
    Alignment Any
    Advancement as Commoner or Expert ONLY Favored Class Commoner

    These bipedal insect-like creatures have 4 arms and have a 2 foot long segmented Pez candy for a torso. The legs, arms, and head are that of a giant ant. Pez-Ants comprise 99% of the Commoners in Candy-land. Pez-Ants speak Common.

    Skills
    Pez-Ants have a +8 racial bonus on Climb checks and can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened.





    Still to come: Beige Dragons, Masoozes, Giraffe-a-pumps and maybe even a new posting (rather than cut and paste of old stuff).
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Yes, that is true
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Okay, so we know DracoDei's epic

    Seriously, man, those are awesome


    ... I almost made vampire mosquitoes once. I should take that back up...

    Just as soon as I'm done with the [classified project].
    Thanks for existing.

    Dragon Hunter avatar by Lerky. Magical Girl by the lovely Astrella~

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Zeta Kai's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    The Final Chapter
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    The Elemental Plane of Flesh started with a bad pun monster (Ligamental), & quickly got out of hand. There are quite a few punny names in there (Cell Block, Mightochondria, Parasight, etc).

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Bugbear in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Yes, that is true
    Gender
    Male2Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    The Elemental Plane of Flesh started with a bad pun monster (Ligamental), & quickly got out of hand. There are quite a few punny names in there (Cell Block, Mightochondria, Parasight, etc).
    Crap, why didn't I think of that!?
    Well, I still have Madman's World...
    (First plane, last post)

    Anywho, it be done-


    Spoiler
    Show
    The MindLizard (Kondar)

    Diminutive Magical Beast Psion
    Hit Dice: 15D10+12 (62 hp)
    Initiative: +3
    Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), climb 20 ft., swim 10 ft.
    Armor Class: 17 (+4 Size, +3 Dex), touch 14, Flat-footed 14
    Base Attack/Grapple: +21/+1/–12
    Attack: Bite +4 melee (1D4+3)
    Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1D4+3)
    Space/Reach: 2-1/2 ft./0 ft.
    Special Attacks: 126 Power Points/day (Psionic)
    Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Incarnated Detect Viewing
    Saves: Fort +7 Ref +10 Will +10
    Abilities: Str 5 Dex 17 Con 10 Int 15 Wis 13 Cha 15
    Skills: Psicrystal bonuses: Search +3, Spot +3, Will +2
    Feats: Weapon Finesse, Chaotic Mind, Improved Psicrystal, Improved Psicrystal
    Challenge Rating: ?/?
    Treasure: Triple Standard Coins, kept in his lair
    Alignment: Chaotic Evil
    Level:Class Levels:Psion Discipline: 15Psion 12, Magical Beast 3N/A

    -Description-
    The MindLizard (or Kondar) is a tiny, green-and-grey scaled lizard with untold psionic power. It has a very sarcastic (and sadistic) attitude and likes explosions. He is annoying.

    Psicrystal (Gavn)
    Meticulous, Resolved, Observant.
    Gavn is a wise, careful being that would manifest himself as a man in a tophat… If Kondar allowed him to… Gavn is also the stark antithesis of Kondar in almost every way. One wonders exactly what part of Kondar’s mind Gavn originates from…


    Combat
    In combat, Kondar is obsessed with sadistically toying with his prey (something he and Gavn actually share in common). He could probably kill an adventuring party in seconds, but due to what amounts to chronic narcissism he draws it out first.
    Needless to say, he’d be a cat person if he could… Reason with cats…

    (Combat behavior)
    Kondar exhibits an uncharacteristic affinity for planning, when the plan involves killing people. As such, he will lock doors, set up traps, dunk you in acid… Whatever alleviates his boredom.



    Powers known:
    1st-level:
    Bolt
    Catfall
    Conceal Thoughts
    Disable
    Detect Psionics

    2nd-level:
    Biofeedback
    Body Equilibrium
    Inflict Pain
    Psionic Lock

    3rd-level:
    Body Adjustment
    Energy Bolt
    Eradicate Invisibility
    Time Hop

    4th-level:
    Death Urge
    Psionic Freedom of Movement
    Trace Teleport
    Detect Remote Viewing

    5th-level:
    Adapt Body
    Incarnate
    Psionic Plane Shift
    Psychic Crush

    6th-level:
    Breath of the Black Dragon
    Psionic Disintegrate
    Psionic Overland Flight
    Retrieve
    Thanks for existing.

    Dragon Hunter avatar by Lerky. Magical Girl by the lovely Astrella~

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    I don't get the joke with the lizard...
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default A new one!

    EDIT: This is an old post and, as such, it is against the forum rules to respond to it. If you have comments, then please PM me, or start a new thread with a link in it to this one.

    P.E.A.C.H.

    Warp Hog
    Small Magical Beast
    HD 2d8+4 (13)
    Speed 40 ft. (8 squares)
    Init: +1
    AC 17; touch 12; flat-footed 16
    (+5 Natural, +1 Dexterity, +1 size)
    BAB +1; Grp -2
    Attack Gore +3 melee (1d6+1)
    Full-Attack Gore +3 melee (1d6+1)
    Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
    Special Attacks Ferocity
    Special Qualities Low-light vision, scent, Warp
    Saves Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +1
    Abilities Str 13, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 2, Wis 13, Cha 5
    Skills Listen +7, Spot +5
    Feats Alertness
    Environment Temperate Forests
    Organization Solitary or herd (5-8)
    Challenge Rating 2
    Treasure None
    Alignment Always True Neutral
    Advancement 3-4 HD (Small), 5-7 HD (Medium)
    Level Adjustment N/A

    It appears to be a wart hog or small boar.

    Warp-Hogs are every bit as irritable as their full sized and less magical cousins, and are omnivores to boot. They have been known to pursue prey or annoyances by charging into trees in the direction of their goal to aid in bypassing undergrowth and to maintain the ability to dodge.

    Ferocity (Ex): Like its cousin the boar a warp hog is such a tenacious combatant that it continues to fight without penalty even while disabled or dying.

    Warp (Su): If it his it targets touch AC with a charge attack a Warp Hog may immediate teleport up to 50 feet as per a Quickened Version of the the spell Dimension Door cast by a 8th level sorcerer (disregard its low charisma). Note that the charge attack still has to hit normally to actually deal damage.






    Behind the scenes design notes:
    Basically started with the name, and took a downsized Boar (since the wart hogs I saw at the zoo that got me started on this track are smaller than boars) and added the Warp ability to it. Warp was originally going to be a more traditional Dimension Door ability, but that was based on an incorrect memory that boars got double damage on a charge. I am unsure if the extra ability is balanced by the loss of a size category and commensurate loss of a HD and 2 points each of STR and CON (and gaining 2 points of DEX). If it isn't I might have to bump the CR up to 3.
    Last edited by DracoDei; 2010-04-23 at 12:08 PM. Reason: Put in Anti-threadomancy header.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Haven's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Candle Jack
    Medium Huma
    My pronouns are they/them.

    Avatar courtesy of Elagune's OotS manga reinterpretation!

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Banned
     
    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    The Mindfields
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble; 2009-07-05 at 01:30 PM.

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Hell itself (Ohio)
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Vampire Baby Swarm


    I think half my critter thread sort of counts as being silly
    Revised avatar by Trixie, New avvie by Crisis21!
    Mah Fluffy Death Critters
    Orcs and Goblins
    Behold the Power of Kitteh!
    Backup threads available here

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Ninjalitude's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    :: Maniacal laugh ::
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    Candle Jack
    Medium Huma
    May i sig this?
    Dragonforce should be sued for inhumane treatment of guitars

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Haven's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ninjalitude View Post
    May i sig this?
    Go ahead.
    Last edited by Haven; 2009-07-07 at 06:58 AM.
    My pronouns are they/them.

    Avatar courtesy of Elagune's OotS manga reinterpretation!

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Troll in the Playground
     
    PirateGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Elemental Plane of Purple
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Last edited by Debihuman; 2009-07-07 at 10:03 AM.
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
    my creations in homebrew signature thread

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    NakedCelt's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Dunedin, New Zealand
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Vorpal Tribble View Post
    A dire platypus -- is it still duck-billed? Or is it more accurately a crocodile-billed platypus?

  20. - Top - End - #20
    Banned
     
    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    The Mindfields
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by NakedCelt View Post
    A dire platypus -- is it still duck-billed? Or is it more accurately a crocodile-billed platypus?
    Click the link and knowledge of time, space, and platypi shall be imparted upon thee...
    Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble; 2009-07-07 at 08:43 PM.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Night Monkey's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    South American jungle.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Arachu View Post
    It was… The dreaded Weremonkey!!!
    I don't find this to be a joke at all.
    Kaldon Fulgrant, planar dwarf, ex-Guvner, Free Leaguer, Automata-born, Sigil-resident, surly, erudite, recently short-tempered Archivist. Previously a miner.

    "No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand."

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Titan in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2009

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    my DM sent a calzone golem after us. once dead I ate it.

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Troll in the Playground
     
    PirateGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Elemental Plane of Purple
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Hey Draco -- Magical Beasts have Good Fortitude and Reflex saves. For 2 hit die it would have: Fortitude (+3 Base plus Constitution modifier), Will (+0 Base plus Wisdom modifier), and Reflex (+3 Base plus Dexterity Modifier).

    The Warp Hog has the following Saves: Fort +5, Will +1, Ref +4.

    Have you all seen the Silly Monsters on WotC's website?

    Here is the Pie Fiend: http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x...ools/20030401a.

    Cat stuff (including Cheshire Cat): http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x...ools/20030401c.
    Calzone golem in Something's Cooking: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/files/Cooking.pdf
    Santa Claus: http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20011222x and don't forget to check the links below for such gems as toymaker gnomes, gnome cooks, etc.

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2009-07-08 at 12:16 AM. Reason: added more joke monsters
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
    my creations in homebrew signature thread

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Thanks, totally missed that I had omitted those. Had I noticed I could have figured it out, but thank you for saving me the trouble.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  25. - Top - End - #25
    Troll in the Playground
     
    PirateGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Elemental Plane of Purple
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    No problem. I'm just so used to fixing stuff now that I kinda do it on autopilot, not that I don't think you are capable. Besides, it helps the newbie lurkers to see all the math and get the explanations.

    Also, I edited my previous post to show where the silly WotC monsters were.
    I was debating whether these counted as silly monsters:
    Oogie Boogie, Lock, Shock and Barrel

    Debby
    Last edited by Debihuman; 2009-07-08 at 04:26 AM.
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
    my creations in homebrew signature thread

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    This actually may be the work of mine that got the most overwhelming praise ever on these boards... not necessarily my best work (in fact I really hope my Wing Dragons are better), but certainly it is volumous and pretty good.

    The Beige Dragon.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Finland
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    Candle Jack
    Medium Huma
    You know, I've always wondered. Who is this Candle Jack perso

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    on the computer
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    I've made several:

    Coward PrC
    The Three Rings (Deliberate misinterpretation of the One Ring)
    Dire Carp
    Terminator (Most similar to the one from the second movie)
    Delayed Explosive Runes (This message will self-destruct)
    Videogame-based magic
    Magic 8-ball

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Troll in the Playground
     
    PirateGirl

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Elemental Plane of Purple
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Candle Jack was the floating ghost-like villain who wore with a bag on his head and carried a candle (i.e. "the spooky boogeyman guy") in the Freakzoid cartoon who kidnapped children who said his name aloud. He'd tie a rope around them and float off with them while they screamed in terror. In the cartoon, he takes a whole camp group of children and their counselor captive, but is ultimately defeated by Freakzoid by being lured into a trap pumpkin pie. Freakazoid was just such a weird cartoon.

    Debby
    P.E.A.C.H. Please Evaluate And Critique Honestly. Being nicer and kinder doesn't hurt either. Note I generally only critique 3.5 and Pathfinder material.
    Please, please, please when using non-core material, cite to the books. There are too many books to wade through to find the one with the feat, special ability or spell you use.
    my creations in homebrew signature thread

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Titan in the Playground
     
    DracoDei's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Near Atlanta,GA USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: The Joke Monster Thread!

    Ah, thus the sudden termination as they are hauled off by the rope.

    Thank you kindly.
    Last edited by DracoDei; 2009-07-11 at 12:10 PM.
    [Public Service Announcement]P.E.A.C.H stands for Please Examine And Critique Honestly[/Public Service Announcement]
    Extended Signature
    My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •