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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Depends on where I\'m at

    Default New Gnomish Subrace

    Polka Gnomes:
    WIS -2 CHA +2
    Preferred Class: Bard

    Racial Abilities:
    +2 Perform check (+4 if performing polka)
    Can lick eyebrows (+2 to all diplomacy checks for seduction)
    Impromptu Kickstand (+10 to endurance checks for standing for long periods)
    Extended breathholding (only starts to check for drowning after 1 full turn)
    Speed Polka (Diff 15- perform check allows bard song to be considered a half move)
    Thrash Polka (Diff 25- successful check means bard song is free move, failure causes level 20 flame strike centered on polka gnome)
    +4 to all CHA checks if wearing Leiderhosen

    Languages: Common, Gnomish, Dwarf, Goblin, Orc, German

    Polka Gnomes are the rarest of the gnomish breeds, found typically in mountain valleys practicing their favorite music. The Chosen of Welk, the Gnomish God of Polka, Polka Gnomes have master the musical aspects of their god so it has become second nature for them. You can usually spot a polka gnome village by the loud oompa music that is continually pouring from its town square. While not as hardy as their gnomish brethren, they are typically stronger from carrying all the tubas and accordions as their religion requires. Polka gnomes are known for their likability, and their total lack of any and all common sense. In short, they are the perfect bards.

    Polka gnomes have created two additional forms of polka for their god. Welk demands frequent month long polka festivals in his honor. This tends to strain the polka gnomes' time for crop gathering and beer brewing. So they invented speed polka, which condenses the month long polka festival into only a week's time. The amount of music played is the same, just only a hell of a lot faster. Truly desperate polka gnomes have experimented with thrash polka, which allows for the entire month's quota of polka tunes to be condensed into a single day. This is extremely risky, for should the polka gnome misplay a single note, the results are frequently smoking piles of leiderhosen every where.

    Polka gnomes are just now coming into their own in various fantasy worlds, and one day with replace their useless cousins with the sounds of tubas and accordions.
    We are not contractually tied down to reality; &&there is no sanity clause. So if you feel your &&train of thought is going to the places where the &&screaming is too loud, remember there is always &&madness. Madness is the emergency exit

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Jibar's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Everywhere

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Wrong area my little chikady,
    Nothing but a Nobody

    Quote Originally Posted by Cogwheel View Post
    Also, are you even human any more, or did you just transcend into some sort of in-joke singularity?

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Depends on where I\'m at

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Considering this is probably more humor than gaming content, I placed it here.
    We are not contractually tied down to reality; &&there is no sanity clause. So if you feel your &&train of thought is going to the places where the &&screaming is too loud, remember there is always &&madness. Madness is the emergency exit

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    SE Alaska
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    And yet, I feel a new character generation urge coming on...

    Considering one partner on a quest was a sniper with a bow; he could remove the front left leg off a fly at 300 yards, an amazing feat for someone whose uncorrected fision was below 20/400...

    ;D
    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

    "A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

    "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." - Voltaire

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Depends on where I\'m at

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    I hope you meant he has 20/400 vision. Fision tends to be very, very hot with lots of death and destruction.
    We are not contractually tied down to reality; &&there is no sanity clause. So if you feel your &&train of thought is going to the places where the &&screaming is too loud, remember there is always &&madness. Madness is the emergency exit

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Anchorage AK

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Hahahah, uncorrected vision would indeed remove flies legs at 400 yards.

    A lot else, as well.

    Ho ho ho ho!

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Retired Mod in the Playground Retired Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2004

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Glen
    Considering this is probably more humor than gaming content, I placed it here.
    There's nothing that says we can't have humor in the Gaming forum. And that's really where this belongs.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Depends on where I\'m at

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Well that makes you a whole bunch better than some of the other forums I've tried to put this on. And a lot more tolerant. Sure beats Customs.
    We are not contractually tied down to reality; &&there is no sanity clause. So if you feel your &&train of thought is going to the places where the &&screaming is too loud, remember there is always &&madness. Madness is the emergency exit

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Neverwinter

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Awesome! I'm going to use that!!
    God, I love Gnomes. ::)

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    SE Alaska
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Glen
    I hope you meant he has 20/400 vision. Fision tends to be very, very hot with lots of death and destruction.
    Well, mix sub-20/400 (anything below is off the scale) vision with an enchanted "Fireball" bolt/arrow, and you can have fusion. Forgat how it was described, ESP, great hearing, whatever, but the bonuses definitly outweighed lousy vision. Couldn't hit a cow with a milk bucket from inside the stall, but he was sharp with bows & crossbows. ;)
    My Ranger, and Fuzzy the Bear, well THAT'S another story... ;D (Hint: In Spell Jammer, bears lured into and fired from large catapults make great distractions for boarding operations...
    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

    "A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi

    "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." - Voltaire

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Zoraciel Ivtel's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    CT, USA
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: New Gnomish Subrace

    I showed this to one of the players in the party I DM, and we're now making her a drow that was raised by polka gnomes.

    Introducing her should be fun.
    Avvy made by me!

    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

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