Paranoia stories

[JeenLeen]

My friends and I just played our first game of Paranoia. Amazingly fun, and some great stories. I was wanting to hear some of your interesting events from the game.

WARNING: some of the data in the story might be above security clearance RED.


A couple of my favorites.
1. We were in a traincar that stopped in a pitch-black tunnel, lights off. My character feels her butt get grabbed, then one of the characters trips and is on the ground around my feet. As team leader, I order whoever touched me to identify themselves. No-one speaks at first, then one of the other two gets blamed. After a bit of a scene in which he admits to "chewing" his meds, from which we extrapolate not really taking his meds, we end up shooting that person.

I found out later that both players attempted the butt grap--one failed horribly and tripped, the other succeeded (and blamed the one who tripped.)


2. One player had Matter Eater and stole and ate the belt of the Cleanliness Officer. He then tried for the next hour or two to get the guy to do an inspection so he could accuse him of losing Computer property. I had Hygiene 1, so I kept ordering us to attend to more important things.


3. In front of the debriefing room at the end of the mission, only me and one other player was left. I was on clone 4, him on 6. We get into a small argument and he shoots me. I use Polymorphism to try to turn into a dragon and suceeded, then proceed to bite him to death. The DM rolled and it turned out all the calendars in the room were non-operational at the moment.

[JediSoth]

I have lots of these; I run a Paranoia game at Gen Con every year.

1) The Troubleshooters were in an autocar heading towards the sector where their mission was and got in a traffic jam. For some reason, someone though it was a good idea to try to get out of the autocar (who was refusing to let them out to investigate the hold-up on their own) by shooting a cone rifle at the roof of the autocar. As the vehicle was barely larger than a VW Bus, the result explosion killed several clones.

2) The Troubleshooters were in an old flybot pursuing the BBEG who was flying around in a Vulture Warrior trying to shoot them down. He was handily kicking their butts, someone grabbed a cone rifle, grabbed a random shell (it had to be random because PLC neglected to label them) and fired at point-blank range. *FLASH* ... KRACKKOOOOOOOOOM nuclear explosion kills all PCs and the bad guy. Best. Ending. Ever!

3) Troubleshooter is wounded and propped up against one of those tall brown things in the Outdoors. He tosses a grenade at some Commie Mutant Traitors. It bounces off a nearby tree...err...brown columnar thing and lands right in his lap. Oops.

4) *hasn't occurred yet, but will at Gen Con game in the future* One or more Troubleshooters will have a biological urge shortly after the mission briefing. Relief is nearby; there's the rest room. A miss-assigned Warbot is the washroom attendant. Unfortunately, the flushing mechanism is broken, and the Warbot INSISTS that it is treason not to flush your waste. He insists with a flamethrower pointed at the Troubleshooter. Hilarity ensues.

[Brauron]

In the one session of Paranoia I've played...

The GM threw jelly-beans to us to represent our daily allotment of Pills from Friend Computer.

He also put out a plate of chips and salsa, saying they were a new product being tested for human consumption. We all sort of dug in, experienced players more warily than noobs like myself...so I make the fatal mistake (since I only have Security Clearance RED) of eating a bite of salsa that has a bit of GREEN pepper in it.

At the end of the session, we were called upon to account for ourselves. One player stumbled over her words, and claimed "We were successful...because of...um...the...the thingy" not remembering what some doohickey we'd received at the beginning of the session was called. The GM snapped his full attention to her and said coldly, "What do you know...about THINGY?" and so she wrote out a full report of Thingy's success.