Rage-aholic needs more RAGE-AHOL!

[SartheKobold]

In the mood to hear some disasterous PC vs DMPC horror stories... Anyone want to tell some?

[Frosty]

Well there was this one time where there was this Wood Elf Barbarian/Frenzied Berserker/Wildrunner DMPC who insisted on tagging along on our diplomatic missions...

[SSGoW]

Necromancer (player) thought it was alright to be near a rogue (DMPC) he was fighting ... the necromancer summoned an undead owlbear ... then the rogue decided to kill the necromancer that was standing right next to him. TWF rapier rogue wasn't happy about the lack of diplomacy >.>

[Tyndmyr]

Last one I played with posed as a member of the group that gives our usual missions to a party member. Offered to bribe said party member heavily to lie extensively to the rest of us. Much fun in town with said people.

This results on us going off on a long merry chase, eventually getting the McGuffin(which apparently causes no-save unconsciousness to any non-evil wearer...odd). DMPCs minions are tracking us along the way. Being the standard paranoid wizard, I kill these guys whenever spotted.

Where the DMPC part comes with is that he's apparently some sort of epic shapeshifter. Thus, he's around often, in different guises. He also apparently has minions that act much the same. Thus, every time someone dies "oh, that was just a minion". Got to the point where I was reflexively killing harmless appearing living things at random.

We do the dungeon dive, and as luck would have it, first night after leaving with the McGuffin, he somehow poisons the entire party before I can react to my alarm spell(DMPC tends to not be there during anything remotely dangerous). With a nat 20 on my fort save, Im somehow "only paralyzed" instead of unconcious. Still, that's enough for me to hear the other PC happily giving up the loot to the DMPC. Without getting payment in advance. Idiot. After sharing the rest of this info with the party once we arrived back at town, we interrogated our backstabbing ally, and pointed out that if he was going to double cross us, he could have at least been competent at it. The DM says "It wouldn't have mattered, he was epic level anyhow". Incidentally, every other NPC apparently lives in mortal fear of this guy, who we've never heard. This includes other epic level characters.

So...if said dude is so ridiculously badass, why does he have nothing better to do than to screw with a level 6 party? Can't he, yknow, go kill a few trivial mobs himself without bothering with all that other junk?

[SartheKobold]

Right... Why does he need a group of PCs to fetch his amulet of whatever when he has endless minions following you anyway?

[Gorilla2038]

Worst one i ever saw was this: level 5, and the BBG comes to mock us, with his level 13 minion and his level 16 wizard minion. Suddenly, were floating upwards so the gods can save us...Me and 2 other guys are near each bad guy, and ever single one of us rolls 3 nat 20's in a row....and the dm called no go on everyone of them. Instead we talked to the dickish gods of failure and weakness

[dyslexicfaser]

So...if said dude is so ridiculously badass, why does he have nothing better to do than to screw with a level 6 party? Can't he, yknow, go kill a few trivial mobs himself without bothering with all that other junk?

Well, if I was an epic-level character with scads of excess power, I'd do nothing except screw with low-level adventurers. Just show up at random times to grief them for no reason whatsoever. Once the party wizard starts toasting random things hoping they're me, then I'll have done what I set out to do.

At one time, I'd allow him to seem to kill me. Really sell it; burn to a crisp, screaming piteously the whole time. "Why would you do that?! I was only... I only... mother..." then shat myself and die in a most embarrassing way. Then show up later, perfectly fine, pretending it never happened.

Maybe that's just me, though.

[Tyndmyr]

Lol. Something to do when I hit epic level I guess.

Honestly, the first minion I nuked I didn't know what he was. A squirrel triggered my alarm in the first hour of sleep. No real point saving nukes then, and anyhow, leaving him alive would lead to further triggers. When the squirrel died, he morphed back to human.

Im not sure of how those powers were justified, but obviously, small furry wildlife was henceforth killed on sight. This wizard is perfectly on track to becoming a typical tippy paranoid psycho. At least half his daily spell slots are spent on a ridiculous assortment of buffs. Unfortunately, it's really necessary.

Im gonna kill that DMPC, though. Just need to hit level eight.

[IonDragon]

I'm extremely tired, so forgive me if this post is not entirely coherent.

I have a RAGE worthy story, that is not about GMPC but epic railroading. We are playing a nautical campaign, and so a friend of mine is playing an aquatic elf druid with shark animal companion. Another friend of mine is playing a mounted combat charger. The charger is riding on the druid's animal companion, with it keeping close to the surface. The DM ruled that the shark would not allow him to ride on it all night. He also ruled that the charger could not stay mounted in his sleep. Further, (I'm not sure if this is house-rule or RAW, but we give elves spot checks while trancing) he did not allow the aquatic elf a spot check to notice the ambushers in the middle of the night.
The DM also ruled that the shark (with blindsight 120) did not get a spot check to notice the ambushers (Can't remember what they were, but they had the weapons that dissolved on land) because it was SLEEPING. For those of you that don't know, sharks don't sleep. Ever. They drown if they stop moving for too long.
Long story short, we were ambushed despite having guards posted making us effectively un-ambush-able.

[jiriku]

A blatantly untrustworthy assassin/shadowdancer DMPC invited himself into the party when a new player joined, and promptly started holding whispered conversations with my followers (from Leadership feat). When I confront him and tell him they report to me and he'll go through me before he has anything to do with him, he basically tells me to piss off. Much like Tyndmyr, I'm a garden-variety paranoid wizard. So I tell the party "let's kill him". But of course, the DMPC has like +25 to initiative and his first action is always to hide in plain sight and evade. Naturally, his Hide and Move Silently checks are so high that no one in the party can detect him, even when rolling a natural 20. So far he's out of sight and we haven't seen sign of him yet, but the bugger could be standing next to us for all we'd know. I've tripled the number of guards we post at night, and I'm burning all my cantrip slots on detect poison at every meal for fear he'll poison our soup or something.

[Tyndmyr]

DMPCs make for paranoid, optimized characters. When I have epicish characters with ridiculous bonuses to...everything around, I *have* to be paranoid.

I used to play woefully unoptimized fighter/sorc hybrids and the like until I started dealing with interparty conflict one too many times, either from players or DMPCs....which will inevitibly either betray you, or show off how awesome they are...yes, breaking the rules or being double the party level is clearly awesome.

[Drakyn]

Mind you, any shark that doesn't "wake up"/turn itself back on very quickly when anything that's even close to its size approaches it probably isn't going to live to adulthood.

[Tyndmyr]

If the ambushers were in the water, the shark should have at least gotten a check. Thats what things like blindsense are for.

[Foryn Gilnith]

Yes, but it's also within one's rights to leave the game, and within a company's rights to make a product inferior to that of their competitors. Doesn't mean doing it is a good idea.

[Tyndmyr]

I disagree. Houserules are fine, creativity within the rules is also fine. Making player abilities and plans arbitrarily useless via DM fiat is a poor way of running a campaign.

[IonDragon]

Yes, but it's also within one's rights to leave the game, and within a company's rights to make a product inferior to that of their competitors. Doesn't mean doing it is a good idea.

And the three of us (I was playing a monk because I thought it would be funny) left that game. The DM also asked the charger not to come back, presumably because he felt charger builds were too OP, though if anyone checked the kill count the Bard was higher due to Sleep.
Long story short: RAGE followed by finding another group.

Oh, as for remaining mounted while sleeping, it was an Exotic Military saddle which has straps to keep you from falling out while unconscious (or asleep). I'd buy it if the DM had said "Uh... it's freaking cold in the water, you can't get comfortable enough to fall asleep especially in all that armor."

[Vizzerdrix]

Wyvren/ drakes, that when hit with anything not a blunt weapon, can shoot a 15 foot cone of electric energy from the wound for 6D6. And remain unknown to a Knowledge check: 27!

Raging while casting at the same time monks with Full BAB.

1337 ninjaz that always "save us" from stupid situations that make no damn seance (we bought booze at a bar and got arrested for it)

Uber Pallies that can turn into Dragons (but I dealt with that one in short order)


This is why I make fine tuned killing machines (what most will call munchkin, powergamer, Rollplayer and cheater). DM pets are a no go with me, seeing how they have seven books dedicated to monsters.

[Moff Chumley]

Railroading, taken to a Marx Brothers extreme:

DM: You overhear police talking about you. You seem to have been found out for killing the duke! You should leave the city. The only way out is the main gate.
Wizard: Wait, no, I can teleport us!
DM: Doesn't work in the city. Uh, because of wizards.
Rogue. Hmm... can I sneak onto a roof and over the wall?
DM: No. People on the roofs are shot on sight. Go through the main gate.
Me (Playing a fighter): I know. The south gate is poorly defended! We can bust out through there!
DM: Actually, there's a big garrison there. As of yesterday.
Rogue: It's almost like you want us to go through the main gate...
DM: No, it's just the only way out.
Me: Nah... too obvious. Ooh! Doesn't the theives guild have a tunnel network?
DM: Nope. ((They did.))
Wizard: Flight spell?
DM: Won't work.
Rogue: We could disguise ourselves?
DM: No.
Me: Oh! We could hide in a cart going out of the city!
DM: They check the carts.
Me: Dude, the adventure is about smugglers. They don't check the carts!
DM: Well, the smugglers bribe the guards.
Rogue: Why can't we?
DM: YOU JUST CAN'T!

[Ravens_cry]

The wizards part about stopping teleport make sense. Any society with magic that isn't a ravening fount a bloody chaos with constant scry and dies from ever more powerful wizards clawing their way up a terminally unstable social ladder will have some controls in place to deal with the abuse of magic. Setting up a form a teleport denial for a city, to stop thieves with wands from absconding with citizens, and the treasuries, wealth makes sense. You, the characters, are not the worlds first magic users.
The rest however?
Pure face palm palsy.
I got a red imprint of my hand on my forehead from repeated blows. The only thing stopping me from head desking is that I don't want to have to buy a new one.
In the words of the Interwebz, Epic. Fail.
Seriously, what happened next?

[Moff Chumley]

We decide to go through the gate. Guess what? We get captured and put in the evil warlord's dungeon! And then we get rescued by a secret society! And then we're forced to join said society, which makes you complete missions on pain of death! At this point, I remembered why I usually DM, and we (the players) collectively voted that the DM shall never sit behind the screen again.

[Nate the Snake]

Railroading, taken to a Marx Brothers extreme:

DM: You overhear police talking about you. You seem to have been found out for killing the duke! You should leave the city. The only way out is the main gate.
Wizard: Wait, no, I can teleport us!
DM: Doesn't work in the city. Uh, because of wizards.
Rogue. Hmm... can I sneak onto a roof and over the wall?
DM: No. People on the roofs are shot on sight. Go through the main gate.
Me (Playing a fighter): I know. The south gate is poorly defended! We can bust out through there!
DM: Actually, there's a big garrison there. As of yesterday.
Rogue: It's almost like you want us to go through the main gate...
DM: No, it's just the only way out.
Me: Nah... too obvious. Ooh! Doesn't the theives guild have a tunnel network?
DM: Nope. ((They did.))
Wizard: Flight spell?
DM: Won't work.
Rogue: We could disguise ourselves?
DM: No.
Me: Oh! We could hide in a cart going out of the city!
DM: They check the carts.
Me: Dude, the adventure is about smugglers. They don't check the carts!
DM: Well, the smugglers bribe the guards.
Rogue: Why can't we?
DM: YOU JUST CAN'T!

That's not creative enough. Try this.

Player: I turn myself in for killing the duke.
DM: ... What?
Player: I turn myself in to the police.
DM: But you can't!
Player: Why not? I'm Lawful, taking responsibility for my actions is completely in character.
DM: Fine. The police escort you out the main gate.

If you can't get off the rails, at least have a little fun staying on them.

EDIT:

We decide to go through the gate. Guess what? We get captured and put in the evil warlord's dungeon! And then we get rescued by a secret society! And then we're forced to join said society, which makes you complete missions on pain of death! At this point, I remembered why I usually DM, and we (the players) collectively voted that the DM shall never sit behind the screen again.

Oh. I guess turning yourself in wouldn't have been as much fun as I thought. Although it would have gotten it over with on your terms, if nothing else.

[Ravens_cry]

We decide to go through the gate. Guess what? We get captured and put in the evil warlord's dungeon! And then we get rescued by a secret society! And then we're forced to join said society, which makes you complete missions on pain of death! At this point, I remembered why I usually DM, and we (the players) collectively voted that the DM shall never sit behind the screen again.

Screw the desk, it will be sacrificed in commemoration of such an atrocity to gaming.
*sounds of desk splintering from repeated blows of head to desk*
*sound of head splintering from railroaded 'plot'*
Seriously, it's like something out of DM of the Rings.

[SartheKobold]

Railroading, taken to a Marx Brothers extreme:

DM: You overhear police talking about you. You seem to have been found out for killing the duke! You should leave the city. The only way out is the main gate.
Wizard: Wait, no, I can teleport us!
DM: Doesn't work in the city. Uh, because of wizards.
Rogue. Hmm... can I sneak onto a roof and over the wall?
DM: No. People on the roofs are shot on sight. Go through the main gate.
Me (Playing a fighter): I know. The south gate is poorly defended! We can bust out through there!
DM: Actually, there's a big garrison there. As of yesterday.
Rogue: It's almost like you want us to go through the main gate...
DM: No, it's just the only way out.
Me: Nah... too obvious. Ooh! Doesn't the theives guild have a tunnel network?
DM: Nope. ((They did.))
Wizard: Flight spell?
DM: Won't work.
Rogue: We could disguise ourselves?
DM: No.
Me: Oh! We could hide in a cart going out of the city!
DM: They check the carts.
Me: Dude, the adventure is about smugglers. They don't check the carts!
DM: Well, the smugglers bribe the guards.
Rogue: Why can't we?
DM: YOU JUST CAN'T!

Why, that's the craziest thing I ever hoi'd...

[dyslexicfaser]

Im not sure of how those powers were justified, but obviously, small furry wildlife was henceforth killed on sight. This wizard is perfectly on track to becoming a typical tippy paranoid psycho. At least half his daily spell slots are spent on a ridiculous assortment of buffs. Unfortunately, it's really necessary.

Now the only question is, is your DM the type to congratulate himself for making one of his players a twitching murder machine paranoic, or the type to facepalm?

If it's the former, just keep scaling up your retaliations, which is perfectly justified by having a shapeshifter be possibly anyone and any thing around you. That PC that gave him the McGuffin? Have your wizard scream, "You're working for HIM!" And crisp him. Every scene, pick a random NPC that doesn't seem to mean any harm. Burn him to death. That stablehand. The third guard from the left. Your favorite tailor. Even if it's not a minion/the shapeshifter, he'll serve as an object lesson to the ones who are undoubtedly watching you. Right. Now!

After the first few times having his group run out of town due to something he started, he should start to feel remorse. Of course, by then your groupmates may be feeling apoplectic rage, but it's a small price to pay, says I.

[Random832]

If the DM is going to say something isn't going to work, they should tell the players in advance so they can spend that gold/XP/time on something the DM will be okay with.

[Zorg]

Yoda + sex, I'll let your imagination fill in the rest.

Spending half an hour listening to two DMPCs duke it out. Before the epic duel started my character was about ten metres away, and running towards the fight. I got there when it was all over

[SpikeFightwicky]

I had a run of the mill 'big showdown' with one of my DMPC (more of a DMNPC really...). The PCs were escorting this princess and trying to find some safe place to get rid of her (I really played up her uselessness and constant nagging, though one of the PCs found it endearing). The kingdom was usurped by the king's son, who killed his elder brother and king (who chose the former as his heir) and needed get this princess to make it official (would-be king had to marry royalty to make it binding, and she was the only one left - plus, he was slowly being taken over/possessed by a wily devil who was helping his little coup).

I had him all statted up, and he was hounding the PCs as often as possible within reason (both directly and indirectly). He tracked down the PCs and cornered them, saying that if they hand over the princess, he might spare them. As the party got ready for an epic showdown, the paladin (who was the most visibly frustrated with the escort duty) decides to just get it over with -> he tells the party he has a plan, grabs the princess, and summons his mount, and promptly hands her right over to the almost-king, completely altering the entire storyline. The nigh-king teleports back to the castle almost immediately, and the PCs have a long in character discussion about WTF just happened (the paladin lost his paladin-hood, but was ok with it and started planning for blackguard-hood).

Needless to say, I was not expecting the encounter to end like that... I spent A LOT of time statting him up, and it all went to waste.

[Tyndmyr]

Yoda + sex, I'll let your imagination fill in the rest.

Spending half an hour listening to two DMPCs duke it out. Before the epic duel started my character was about ten metres away, and running towards the fight. I got there when it was all over

God....thats horrible.

So, what are the best ways to permanently kill DMPCs, or otherwise remove them from existance?

[Yukitsu]

You need to purge the source of them with fire and lawn chairs.

[Tyndmyr]

I do endorse beating bad DMs with flaming lawn-chairs. Good, clean fun for the whole family.