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  1. - Top - End - #361
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    I'm sure everyone already knows this, and I'm just stupid, but wouldn't Redcloak be normal?
    Only in a logical world.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  2. - Top - End - #362
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Which amounts to saying "only in a boring world."

    There's also the whole LGBT deal.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  3. - Top - End - #363
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Which amounts to saying "only in a boring world."

    There's also the whole LGBT deal.
    I think it's more interesting to think of Reddy crossdressing, at least in this story.

  4. - Top - End - #364
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Oh, I didn't know Redcloak had a sister!
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  5. - Top - End - #365
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Okay, to kill the evil block of the writer I shall join in on the snowed in fun and do the same thing Zanaril did.

    Edit:Haley X O-chul X The Snarl

    Okay, this is a PERSONAL challenge by the roller; FLUFF UP THE SNARL!
    Last edited by doliest; 2009-12-12 at 08:03 PM.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  6. - Top - End - #366
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    Saeyan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Sorry minor threadjack:
    There's no way to practice like that without improving, (and you know for sure you've improved simply if you look at something you did a year ago and it looks absolutely horrible to you and you can spot a dozen glaring mistakes)

    So learning to draw is mostly just becoming increasingly frustrated until you're obsessed/dedicated enough to just keep drawing until something starts looking right.
    Wha'ppens if you keep doing it but you've been stuck at the same level for like two years?
    Last edited by Saeyan; 2009-12-12 at 09:30 PM.

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  7. - Top - End - #367
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *withdraws from art-induced trance*
    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    Wha'ppens if you keep doing it but you've been stuck at the same level for like two years?
    Then you probably need to try drawing things you can't draw. Get out of your comfort zone. Practicing what you've already perfected won't do anything.

    Since we're on the subject of art, do you think the V in my avatar need some purple hair, or can you tell who it is without the hair colour?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-12 at 09:40 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  8. - Top - End - #368

    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Color needed, I thought it was a non-descript zombie/vampire.
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-12-12 at 09:49 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  9. - Top - End - #369
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Color needed, I thought it was a non-descript zombie/vampire.
    As I suspected.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  10. - Top - End - #370
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Double genderswitched is cross-dressing, right?
    Only in this thread can you read something like that. I think this hits both a new high and a new low at once. Well done.

  11. - Top - End - #371
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark_Stryke View Post
    Only in this thread can you read something like that. I think this hits both a new high and a new low at once. Well done.
    Unfortunatly I can't take credit for it; someone on the last thread came up with a table to use in the event of multiple genderswitches.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  12. - Top - End - #372
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Brilliant avatar, Zanaril. O.O I love it! The expression is just right, the lighting is dynamic...
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My old OotS fanart
    My art on Instagram
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  13. - Top - End - #373

    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Unfortunatly I can't take credit for it; someone on the last thread came up with a table to use in the event of multiple genderswitches.
    What happens if you get Genderswitched Genderswitched Genderswitched?

    Sexless?
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  14. - Top - End - #374
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    Brilliant avatar, Zanaril. O.O I love it! The expression is just right, the lighting is dynamic...
    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    What happens if you get Genderswitched Genderswitched Genderswitched?

    Sexless?
    I think it was the opposite sex dressed as the original gender.

    Here's how I see it:
    {table="head"]Genderswitches|Male|Female|Elf
    x1|Female|Male|Only the elf notices
    x2|Male dressed as female|Female dressed as male | The elf feels self-conscious
    x3|Female dressed as male|Male dressed as female | The elf is trying to hide the genderswitch
    x4 | Very Confused| Very Confused | Normal state of being
    x5 | Hermaphrodite | Hermaphrodite | Epitome of elvish attractiveness[/table]
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-13 at 07:38 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  15. - Top - End - #375
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    zomg! Tables! I've got to quote your post one day and see how you did it.

    Also, your table is very funny. It made me laugh.

    And your avatar is teh win. I really admire how great you are at dynamism and lines. You'd be a good comic book graphic novel artist.

    Threadjack (con't):
    Spoiler
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    Then you probably need to try drawing things you can't draw. Get out of your comfort zone. Practicing what you've already perfected won't do anything.
    See the problem is I haven't got anything I'm good at for art. I can't draw faces, I don't do composition well, my knowledge of light and shade is rudimentary, etc. Jack of a couple of trades and master of none.

    Sorry. I'm just a little edgy recently because, inspired by lots of great art (this thread's artists included) I tried really going back to basics and drawing boxes, cups, things like that. Only to discover that my draughtsmanship sucks so much that I can't even draw a book properly. To top it off, I'm losing my touch with the piano and someone owes me a hundred dollars. So now I'm just kind of down in the dumps because there's so much I'm not good at.

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  16. - Top - End - #376
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    zomg! Tables! I've got to quote your post one day and see how you did it.

    Also, your table is very funny. It made me laugh.

    And your avatar is teh win. I really admire how great you are at dynamism and lines. You'd be a good comic book graphic novel artist.

    Threadjack (con't):
    Spoiler
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    See the problem is I haven't got anything I'm good at for art. I can't draw faces, I don't do composition well, my knowledge of light and shade is rudimentary, etc. Jack of a couple of trades and master of none.

    Sorry. I'm just a little edgy recently because, inspired by lots of great art (this thread's artists included) I tried really going back to basics and drawing boxes, cups, things like that. Only to discover that my draughtsmanship sucks so much that I can't even draw a book properly. To top it off, I'm losing my touch with the piano and someone owes me a hundred dollars. So now I'm just kind of down in the dumps because there's so much I'm not good at.
    Spoiler
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    Just keep in mind that it's all subjective. I LOVE your drawings and your style and have found myself envying it on many occasions. You're great at drawing baggy robes, for a start, something I really have to struggle with. And I just love the whole... fluffy, gentle quality you give faces and figures. Not quite anime-ish, but charmingly close. And it often seems to me like you're better at making faces appear three-dimensional than I am. So while you're kicking yourself, be open to the possibility that you're being too hard on yourself. :)
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My old OotS fanart
    My art on Instagram
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  17. - Top - End - #377
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    ......I propose the naming of a new form of Writers Block specific to this thread; Water-Smurf block, in which someone writing something involving Vaarsuvius inevitably succumbs to writing him/her similarly to Water-Smurf and the writer starts re-writing a chapter for the third time to try to avoid writing a pale-imitation....there is no known cure.
    Oh, you don't need to try so hard to avoid stuff like that. It's only natural to pick up tricks where you find them. I picked up the 'screw with grammar and capitalization to show mood' trick from It by Stephen King and the 'use nuance of language' trick from Their Eyes were Watching God and English class. Take what you'd like. It's flattering.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    Umm Tsukiko x glowy magic thing? Must it be a pairing? This is the only place I feel comfortable posting my art.
    That's such a pretty picture of her! *is dazzled*

    And it's fanservicey.

    Quote Originally Posted by half-halfling View Post
    Wow ,Saean ,this Tsukiko picture is great! I also very much liked Zanaril's banner and Kaytara's drawings. The second one (Xykon ,Tiasal and Tsukiko) gave me idea for short comic:
    That comic made me giggle. Nice touch with the facepalm and the biting.

    But anyway, here's another chapter. I'm a little worn out because finals are this week, so the quality may not be so good, but I did my best.

    And a warning:
    Spoiler
    Show
    this contains vague references to rape. I hope I'm not breaking any rules.


    Spoiler
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    “Lord Xykon?”

    Tsukiko grinned, running forward through the empty caverns to the lich bent over the rock. “Lord Xykon! You’re here!”

    “Of course I am.” Xykon frowned at the rock, running a bony hand over it. “Do you know where Redcloak is?”

    “He and his girlfriend hooked up before I met up with them. Then they sort of… I don’t know, disappeared.”

    “So the whore and the rest of that weird adventurer party are here?” Xykon looked back down at the rock, black magic gathering at his phalanges. “I have some unfinished business with Mr.-or-Ms. Spock.”

    He started pushing rocks away. “But that can wait until I actually see the little slut. The gate here is weird. It’s moving around.”

    “What?”

    “It’s moving. As in, it is in motion. As in, this thing has a weird spell on it. I think I know where to find it, but it means that we’re blasting through a bunch of illusions.”

    Tsukiko grinned, magic sticking to her hands like cotton candy. “That sounds like fun. When do we start?”

    “Now.”

    ---

    “Hey, you’re Vaarsuvius?”

    The specter of a hanged elf swung from the rafters. Molten eyes stared down. Angry. Dark. Alone.

    “…Yes.”

    Anger gathering. Eyes the epicenter.

    “Look at me, you bitch.”

    Did as told. Molten eyes burning her. That was okay. She deserved it. Dead. Swinging from the rafters. Dead and gone.

    “Aegidius was my best friend.”

    Aegidius. Aegidius. Fear rising. She wouldn’t fight it if the owner of the molten eyes tried to kill her. Deserved it. Deserved everything and anything. He could have been saved. He could have been saved.

    “He’s dead because of you.”

    Yes. Because of her. Temples pound. Small body shakes. Hot tears gather threateningly. Her fault.

    “And you’ve come back anyway.”

    Maybe she could still save him.

    Impossible.

    Going insane.

    “You think you feel bad about it? You deserve to die just like him and yet you get off scot-free. Ignorance is no damn excuse.”

    No. It wasn’t an excuse. Needed to be punished. Needed to atone. Dead. He was dead.

    “I’m going to make you pay for what you did. You’re not going to resist.”

    No. She wouldn’t. Wouldn’t resist anything. Wouldn’t fight back. Wouldn’t scream. Wouldn’t tell anyone afterwards. Wouldn’t mention anything.

    Wanting welled up. She had to be punished.

    Anguished whimpers escape.

    Robe ripped open. Sound of buckle being undone. “It’s more merciful than you deserve.”

    No resistance. She deserved this.

    “Take your panties off and spread your damn legs.”

    Hanged elf swung from rafters.

    Did as told.

    Shoved against a support beam.

    No gentleness or tenderness. Treated like a doll. Painful. Demeaning. Dirty.

    Took pain. Deserved it. Deserved it all. No protests made.

    Put on missing clothes once shoved to the ground and spat on. Told to leave. Did as told.

    Never told anyone what happened.


    “Vaarsuvius?”

    The elf blinked awake slowly, looking up at the concerned face above. Redcloak hesitated, then gently ran a hand through the soft purple hair, golden eye soft. “You were whimpering. I got worried.”

    Vaarsuvius averted violet eyes, on edge from the visions. The elf hadn’t tranced about that for years. “You should not have been.”

    “I was.” Redcloak tenderly brushed his lips against the elf’s pale forehead, holding Vaarsuvius against his body. The elf wasn’t afraid of his touch. It was much more tender than the one remembered in the trance. “Is there something wrong?”

    The elf looked up at the goblin’s face, violet eyes hard to read. Vaarsuvius prepared to send out a vicious barb to rebuke Redcloak for daring to ask one of the questions to never ask, but found with surprise that there was no desire to do so. The mage didn’t want to push Redcloak away. Vaarsuvius didn’t want to hurt him again.

    The elf frowned in confusion. So what was wanted?

    Vaarsuvius wanted to tell him about what happened in the trance memory. The mage had never wanted to tell anyone about it. Not even Inkyrius or Aarindarius. It was supposed to be the secret not even the mage knew.

    The elf’s eyes widened a little in shock, but black pupils were still dilated. They always were when looking at Redcloak. The goblin easily picked up on his lover’s distress, slipping a protective arm around a slim waist. “I know you don’t like talking about this stuff, Vaarsuvius, but in this dungeon of all places, you need to let it out somehow.” He lovingly kissed the pulse point in the elf’s neck, lingering just enough to feel the reassuring heartbeat. “Please don’t torment yourself.” It hurts me to see it.

    Vaarsuvius kept staring, mouth open only slightly to speak. Redcloak was sincere. The elf could see the truth in his eye. The mage’s pain was hurting him, and… and that fact hurt Vaarsuvius. The elf didn’t want Redcloak to be in pain.

    Why? Why didn’t Vaarsuvius want the enemy to be in pain?

    Vaarsuvius slowly reached up, resting a hand on the goblin’s face and lightly tracing his cheek bones. Redcloak’s eye flickered closed, grip gently tightening around the elf’s waist, a sigh escaping his lips.

    The elf’s body knew what to do before the mage did. Vaarsuvius slowly ran a hand down the goblin’s arm, tracing his muscles gently the whole way, and pale fingers wrapped around a green wrist. The goblin opened a gold eye, blinking in confusion but not making a move to stop his lover.

    Vaarsuvius opened up a red robe slightly, bringing the goblin’s hand forward and resting it on a pale breast, just above the beating heart. Redcloak didn’t move his fingers—he only concentrated on the pulse against his palm.

    The elf reached forward, one hand still on the goblin’s, and rested a pale palm against a green chest, right against Redcloak’s heart.

    Something was happening. Neither could really say what it was, but both were aware of it. Their hearts were beating in time to each other.

    That was when Vaarsuvius lost any hope that this was an affair made completely of lust, passion, and intellectual equality.

    “I can’t kill you, Redcloak. Not even in battle.”

    Redcloak blinked in surprise, then sighed softly, closing his eye. “Is there any hope of you getting back to the point where you can?”

    Vaarsuvius swallowed hard, the truth slowly dawning. “No.”

    The goblin moved his fingers against the elf’s heartbeat, concentration fully on that one reassurance that Vaarsuvius was there, alive and well. “The feeling is mutual, Vaarsuvius. I’m not going to be able to kill you.”

    Finally, for the first time, Vaarsuvius’s conscious allowed the reality to be acknowledged. The elf loved the goblin.

    The goblin’s eye said all too clearly that he loved the elf too.

    Vaarsuvius slowly slipped delicate arms around Redcloak’s neck, pressing against him and letting a pale face rest against his bare chest. The elf could feel something shattering within. The fragile psyche called it quits. There was no strength left.

    Tears that had built up since the day Vaarsuvius saw that elf commit suicide were finally released silently. The elf viciously tried to hide them, tensing, ready to defend what little pride was left like a wounded, cornered animal, but Redcloak didn’t make it necessary.

    The goblin lovingly kissed the elf’s hairline before slipping his arms back around Vaarsuvius, their chests pressed together so that they could feel each other’s heartbeat. “I’m here, Vaarsuvius. You’re safe.”

    The mage kept the tearstained face hidden, but was a little less conservative about soft sobs and shaking shoulders. Redcloak kept his grip on his lover tight and reassuring, blinking away any moistness for the elf’s sake. For the first time in centuries, Vaarsuvius wasn’t emotionally isolated. They were together, and even if they didn’t have much time left, they had this moment.

    This was love.


    Thoughts?

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  18. - Top - End - #378
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Here's opinion of someone who can't draw at all (maye expect stick figures, which doesn't require lot of talent) : Your pictures are great, Saeyan. I especially liked latest Tsukiko (don't say You can't draw faces), but others were awesome too (for example "I'm back" picture with Inkyrius, Vaarsuvius, and Aarindarius )
    Last edited by half-halfling; 2009-12-13 at 04:09 PM.

  19. - Top - End - #379
    Halfling in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Wow. Fantastic. Those are only two of the many responses I could give. I feel unworthy to be on a thread with so many amazing writers. That doesn't bother me though.

  20. - Top - End - #380
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    But anyway, here's another chapter. I'm a little worn out because finals are this week, so the quality may not be so good, but I did my best.

    Thoughts?
    This chapter fills me with seething rage, but is also unbearably heartwarming. Talk about juxtaposing scenes.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  21. - Top - End - #381
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Eight pages. That is how long my V x Aarindarius story wound up being. Eight. I'm not entirely happy with it, especially the end, but I can't think of stuff to change. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

    Oy. I need more sleep, I just tried to plug my headphones into my book instead of my iPod. That is not a good sign.

    Spoiler
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    He should have known trouble was brewing. It had started years ago. Vaarsuvius had been very young, just beginning to outgrow childhood. Her parents, Aula and Tiberius, were… inattentive, and had failed to notice that their daughter was growing out of her clothing, that the robe she currently wore clung to her slender body, advertising the beginnings of breasts. He’d swallowed hard, and told himself that the emotion rising in his chest was simple indignation at her parent’s failure to notice that Vaarsuvius was growing up.

    The next hint of trouble came years later. Perhaps still slightly disturbed by her growing adulthood, he had been pushing his apprentice into a relationship with his nephew, Inkyrius. But when he’d returned from an errand to find the two at opposite ends of the couch, blushing furiously and straightening mussed hair and clothing, instinct had taken over.

    He’d dragged his nephew out of the tower, and lectured Vaarsuvius about choices and waiting to make them until adulthood, then sent her home. He’d told himself that it was parental instinct. No father wanted any reminders that his daughter would someday stop being his little girl, and he saw Suvie as his daughter, that was all. It was after the two teenagers had left that he’d realized that Vaarsuvius hadn’t quite managed to get her bra on, and had left it in his living room. He’d never got around to returning it.

    A little while after that incident, Aarindarius had attended a party hosted by Aula, in honor of Tiberius’ birthday. He’d gotten drunk, and while he couldn’t remember the exact words, he told a friend about how beautiful Vaarsuvius was, and how much he loved her. At any rate, Vaarsuvius had arrived a few minutes late for lessons the next day, a slightly perturbed look on her face.

    “Suvie, what’s wrong? Are you feeling well?”

    The young elf started. “It’s nothing. My parents gave me “The Talk” this morning.”

    “Oh.” Aarindarius felt a flush clawing its way onto his face. “I thought you knew that already.”

    Vaarsuvius sighed. “It was the ‘Your Right To Say No’ talk. For whatever reason, they felt it necessary to remind me that the act of sex should be consensual, and that I have the right to reject unwanted advances, no matter who they come from.” She rolled her eyes to emphasize the idiocy of her parents.

    “Oh. That talk.” He struggled for a few moments, and unable to think of a response, and unable to think of a suitable one, quickly changed the subject. Tiberius arrived slightly before the set end time of the lessons to walk her home. It was something he hadn’t done since his daughter was a very small child, but the glare he shot at Aarindarius made his reasons for escorting her very clear.

    And Aula was no better. Every time he walked past their house on his way into town, she was sitting on the front porch, humming and polishing her bow.

    For a while, those constant reminders worked. He knew that Suvie was off limits, and whatever feelings and thoughts he had about her would have to remain just that; feelings and thoughts. He was entitled to them, so long as he didn’t act on them in any way.

    And for a long time, he was able to keep his thoughts to himself. He made a point of attending events that Suvie and Kyrie were attending as a couple, to remind himself of how young and in love they were. And of course, knowing that Suvie’s parents wouldn’t think twice about hurting him in terrible, confusing ways if he were to make so much as one lewd comment to their daughter was also an effective deterrent.

    One rainy afternoon, he sat alone in the tower, lost in research. He had dozed off when a knock on the door forced him into response. It was, of course, Vaarsuvius. “I apologize for my lateness, Master. My mother insisted that you would not be expecting me because of the rain, and when I was finally permitted to leave, I was greatly delayed by the rain.”

    “Suvie, where is your common sense? You’re soaked to the bone! You should not have walked all this way in the rain.”

    “I am sorry, Master.”

    Aarindarius sighed. “I did not mean to be overly harsh. Instead of continuing to drip water on my carpet, go into the spare bedroom and dry off. I believe I have a spare set of robes.” She nodded, and left.

    Sighing, Aarindarius cleared the table of his work materials, and pulled a few books down from the shelf, not really bothering to check the spines. He sat down and waited for Vaarsuvius, who took a few more minutes to emerge from the spare room, tugging at the collar of the robe, which was far too big, and slipping down.

    The lesson began, and the sun set behind the rain clouds. Vaarsuvius’ hair had and had fallen in front of her face. The rain showed no signs of stopping, and Aarindarius could not, in good conscience, force his apprentice to walk home again in the rain. V had settled on the couch with a few of the books they had been studying, and Aarindarius had been distracting himself by making coffee, which unfortunately, is really not that lengthy of a process.

    Ten minutes later, he was back in the living room, trying not to stare at the younger elf’s exposed skin. The silence was increasingly awkward for Aarindarius. He said the first thing that came to mind. “Do your parents know where you are?”

    “What? O-Of course.”

    “Suvie. You’re lying,” he said quietly.

    “No I’m not! They know exactly where I am!”

    “Look me directly in the eyes and tell me the truth.”

    “My parents know where I am.”

    “No. You’re not looking directly at me Suvie. Get your hair our of your eyes.”a In any other species, the act of a teacher tucking a student’s unkempt hair behind their ears would have been an innocent, if slightly condescending gesture. But elves being elves, it had a slightly different effect.

    He’d meant it innocently, he really had. But when Vaarsuvius’ breath caught ever so slightly at his touch, he couldn’t resist pulling his apprentice a little closer so he had freer access to her ears. Before the thinking part of his mind had time to respond, he was stroking Vaarsuvius’ ears, an act considered so intimate, mentioning it in public was viewed as a violation of the privacy of every couple within earshot.

    With a thud, the thinking part of his mind kicked into full gear. “Oh Gods!” He pushed Vaarsuvius away, noting the look of mixed fear, shock, and pleasure on her face. She wonderingly touched her ears, as if checking to ensure they were still attached to her body.

    “Get out!” Vaarsuvius made no sign of having heard him, and sat, stunned. “GO! NOW!” She jumped, and fled, hands still over her ears. Aarindarius slammed the door behind her, still panicking. He had officially lost control of himself, and was going to be run out of town sometime within the next few hours. Distractedly, he packed a suitcase, and went to wait for the enraged parents on his porch. While he waited, he lit a pipe, and tried to make sense of his infatuation with his best friend’s daughter.

    He sat for hours, watching the rain thin and the stars appear, one by one. He must have fallen asleep, because suddenly, it was day. He realized he was both still alive and within county limits. He regarded this as a minor triumph, but he was confused. Was there a possibility Suvie hadn’t told her parents?

    This both delighted and repulsed him. He’d known that Suvie and her parents weren’t very close, but to not tell them about being assaulted? The prospect was equally horrifying and relieving.

    ----

    Monday came too quickly. Aarindarius hadn’t heard from Suvie or her parents all weekend. He nervously set up for a lesson, and waited. It wouldn’t surprise him if she didn’t show. Quite frankly, if she did show up, he would be stunned.

    He had given up and packed away his books when there was a knock at the door. It wasn’t the gentle, polite, knock of his apprentice. It was the impatient, demanding knock of his friend. Filled with trepidation, he opened the door.

    Tiberius didn’t seem to notice his hand shaking on the doorframe. “Darius, I’m sorry.”

    “W-What?” Whatever he’d been expected, this wasn’t it.

    “For the accident. As is Vaarsuvius. Right, Suvie?” He gave his daughter a stern look, and she nodded mutely.

    “Oh. Well, it wasn’t that important, and I-“

    “Don’t make excuses for her, Darius. If she broke a window, she needs to replace it. I hope the storm didn’t cause too much damage.”

    Aarindarius let out a slow breath. “It’s alright. I managed to get everything dried out.”

    “That’s good.” He counted out a few coins. “This should be enough to pay for a replacement window, but please tell me if it’s not enough. Suvie, apologize.”

    She mouthed her apologies, and her father nodded, said he’d be there to pick her up at the usual time, then set off. Vaarsuvius walked in and sat down at the oak kitchen table, never looking up from her feet.

    Aarindarius really wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. He knew that the conversation needed to occur, and that putting it off would make things even more awkward and frightening for both of them.

    Steeling himself, he sat across the table from his apprentice. “Vaarsuvius, why did you lie to your parents?” No response.

    “I understand if you want to terminate your apprenticeship.” No response.

    He took a deep breath and tried again. “You have every right to hate me.”

    “But I don’t!” She seemed surprised at her own outburst. “I mean… I should. I know I should. It’s just that… It was… exciting. It felt nice.”

    “Suvie, that doesn’t make the fact I groped you acceptable.”

    “But… I don’t mind. I really don’t.”

    Aarindarius put his head in his hands. Somehow, this was worse than being beaten to within an inch of his life by irate parents. He needed a drink.

    “Suvie…” He had no clue how to continue that sentence. What he wanted to say was, “I love you, and I want you in the worst possible way, but that does not change the fact I am your teacher, your father’s best friend, and nearly thee times older than you, but I will wait for you if you will have me.” Somehow, that didn’t seem like the appropriate thing to say in the situation. What he wound up saying was, “I think you and Kyrie should get married.”

    “What?”

    “I think you and Kyrie should get married.” He’d said it, and there was no taking it back.

    “But…Why?”

    “Why not? He loves you.” What followed was one of the most awkward silences he’d ever been a part of.

    After a long time, Vaarsuvius said, “Does he really?” in a very small voice.

    “Yes, of course.” It was the first time he’d ever felt good about lying to his apprentice.

    Vaarsuvius said a very dirty word that roughly translated from High Elven as “Forced Anal-Penetration.” As foreign as the word sounded coming from her, Aarindarius did not comment on it, instead choosing to offer comfort by reaching across the table and patting her on the hand. Instead of shying away from his touch, Vaarsuvius took his hand, and met his eyes for the first time that day.

    The gesture seemed to surprise both of them. Another silence followed, this one awkward for different reasons than the first silence had been.

    “…Darius?” Said Vaarsuvius timidly.

    “Yes?”

    “Will you kiss me?”

    He should have refused, should have reminded her that they were still a teacher and student, no matter what either of them wanted. But, of course, he didn’t. He silenced the thinking part of his brain, and obliged her.

    They spent the rest of the day talking and kissing. Neither of them could quite believe that this was really happening. For Darius, it was the fulfillment of several long-standing fantasies, and for Vaarsuvius, it was just plain surreal.


    The summer passed in a flurry of stolen kisses and lazy days with noting to do but make love. There was no denying that the newfound sexuality had changed both of them. Aarindarius relaxed, and began lapsing into the mischievous, rakish, sex-crazed teenager he’d been nearly two centuries ago.

    The changes in Vaarsuvius were subtler, more complex, and far more dangerous. She had never been an extroverted person, but she was withdrawing even further, bewildering her family and friends, and especially Kyrie.

    The changes were hardest on Kyrie. Vaarsuvius was a different elf. Gone was the attentive, affectionate if restrained girlfriend. In her place was a surly, distant person who couldn’t stand being touched. Kyrie was befuddled by these changes, and believed it was something he’d done, and responded by clinging.

    Her parents weren’t stupid. They saw she was pushing Kyrie away, but their questions were met with slammed doors, melodramatic sighs, and outright hostility. Hoping it was just a phase; they decided to give her space.

    This was the last thing she needed. More than anything, Vaarsuvius wanted to be able to collapse in her parents’ arms, sobbing, and have them stroke her hair and promise everything would be alright, like they did when she was little. She had no clue how to ask for this, and her mood soured further.

    The only person she let through her cloud of isolation was Aarindarius, who didn’t seem to be aware of the changes in his apprentice. He didn’t hear her cry alone in her room after they made love. He didn’t see the desperation in her eyes while she sat sullenly through family meals, starving for normal, loving, platonic contact with an adult.

    She was dimly aware that she had a made a mistake in having a relationship with her teacher, but she didn’t know how to end it. Everything was awkward and frightening, and too much to deal with alone. She couldn’t tell her parents, they wouldn’t understand. Kyrie wouldn’t know any better than she did, and you couldn’t exactly ask your significant other for romantic advice for your affair with a teacher. And asking Aarindarius himself was simply out of the question.

    She was alone.

    Completely and utterly alone.

    People just aren’t equipped to make good choices when they’re that overwhelmed and strung-out.

    It was her mother who found her, slumped in her desk chair, covered in blood. Most people would have taken a moment to scream, faint, or run for help. There are certain times when panicking is a viable option. This was not one of them.

    What was a good option was calling for her husband, and carrying their daughter through town to the local cleric’s, ignoring the neighbors who were justifiably curious about why a respectable couple was carrying their unconscious child down the street in broad daylight.

    Gossip travels fast in a small town, and Ivyleaf was no exception. Within minutes, Aarindarius was running full-tilt from his tower. All he’d heard was that Vaarsuvius had been killed. While he was usually not one to pay much attention to rumors, the nature of this one meant he was willing to take a chance at looking like an idiot.

    By the time he got there, a crowd had gathered around the cleric’s. His heart sank farther and farther as he forced his way through the mass of people. There were many, many more people than he had originally thought, all talking and whispering. The word “suicide” was mentioned far too many times for his taste, but it only renewed his drive to figure out what was happening.

    The epicenter of the crowd was a very pale Vaarsuvius, her stony-faced parents speaking quietly to the cleric, while the cleric’s apprentice tried ineffectually to disperse the crowd.

    “No, really, people. Leave them be, it’s time to head home-“ They stopped when they saw Aarindarius. “Oh. It’s you. You’re one of the people I’m not supposed-“

    “What happened?”

    “No one really knows. They just found her, unconscious in her room. She slit her wrists, but when she passed out, she fell on herself in a way that helped cut off the blood flow, so she didn’t die. We’ve healed her up, but we’re not waking her up just yet.” This was not enough information, but it was everything the apprentice seemed to know. The master cleric was seemed to know more, but refused to share any details. Vaarsuvius’ parents were too shaken to talk. Inkyrius had already left. He’d said he couldn’t stand just sitting around, needed to get fresh air, needed to think.

    Eventually, with some help from the master cleric and a rather large dog, the apprentice managed to shoo away the crowd. Watching three people sit ashen-faced around what looked like a corpse was not very interesting. If they wanted to do that, there were several reputable funeral parlors within a few hours’ walk.

    For a while, everything was quiet. It was, after all, a vigil at the bedside of a family member in a coma. Panicky silence was too be expected.

    What wasn’t expected, though, was for a clearly enraged teenaged elf to burst in, tackle his uncle, and attempt to beat him up.

    “What the hell is wrong with you?” shouted Aula as she pulled the young elf off his uncle. The cleric pulled Aarindarius to his feet, a healing spell at the ready. Darius brushed the cleric off.

    Kyrie lunged again, but Aula didn’t loose her grip. “LET! GO! OF! ME!”

    “Inkyrius, what is going on?” Aarindarius wiped his mouth off on his sleeve. He had a split lip, and, judging by the sensitivity in his eye, a good-sized bruise.

    “HE HURT HER!”

    “What? Calm down and explain exactly what’s happening.” Tiberius said soothingly. Of the three adults, he was the most levelheaded. Kyrie didn’t respond, didn’t take his eyes off of Aarindarius, but handed Aula a slip of paper that had been clenched in his fist.

    As she read it, her expression changed to pure fury. She probably would have beaten Aarindarius to a bloody pulp, if not for the intervention of the deceptively strong cleric. By a now, a crowd was forming again, while the apprentice futilely cleared their throat and insisted that there was nothing to see.

    Tiberius picked up the slip of paper, and read it. Unfortunately for Aarindarius, there was no one left to hold him back, but fortunately for him, he really wasn’t the sort to physically beat up an old friend. Instead, his face lost all emotion. Mechanically, he handed the piece of paper to Aarindarius.

    It was a suicide note.

    It said that he was the reason she was killing herself.

    At that moment, the cleric’s grip on Aula weakened. It was decided it was probably safer for all involved to not pull her off of Aarindarius.

    ----

    Some years later, Vaarsuvius and Aarindarius’ ill-fated love affair was all but forgotten. The former had been off adventuring for a few years. The latter hadn’t been seen in the town of Ivyleaf for years. No one talked about it any more.

    Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius had decided that a relationship that could weather something like that could endure anything. They wouldn’t prove themselves wrong for some time yet, so for a while, all was well.

    None of the members of the Order Of The Stick knew much about the mage to begin with, and what little they did know was fairly basic. Married, two children, second most likely to snap and kill everyone in the party.

    But those where the things they did know. There were a great many things they half-knew, and speculated at length about, including gender, the questions related to questioning someone’s gender, and the source of the scars criss-crossing their wrists. After a long time, they decided there were just some things they didn’t need to know.

    Sometimes, it’s better to leave the past forgotten.


    And I liked the new chapter, as usual, Water-Smurf, but there were some grammatical errors in the middle.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  22. - Top - End - #382
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Cheesemuncher, that...That is fantastic. It's almost...Real.

    Water-Smurf, great chapter as always.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-12-13 at 06:23 PM.

  23. - Top - End - #383
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Okay, today is officially Depressing Story Day.

    That was great Cheesemuncher, although the dialoge was a bit stilted in places. I agree With CoffeIncluded, the whole thing seemed bizarrely plausable.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-13 at 06:33 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  24. - Top - End - #384
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Cheesemuncher, that...That is fantastic. It's almost...Real.

    Water-Smurf, great chapter as always.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Okay, today is officially Depressing Story Day.

    That was great Cheesemuncher, although the dialoge was a bit stilted in places. I agree With CoffeIncluded, the whole thing seemed bizarrely plausable.
    Thanks.

    And I've got a tin ear for dialogue. Sadly enough, I write people talking the same way I talk, which is, as you said, stilted.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  25. - Top - End - #385
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Okay, here we go, Nale x Inkyrius snowed in. CHRISTMAS CRACK SPECIAL!

    Spoiler
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    "'Tis the season to kill random innocent people, fala la la la, lala la laa." A black-clad human with shoulder-length blonde hair and a 2-inch goatee stood on a small stool, hanging bloody tinsel around his log cabin.
    "Finally, done. Sabine, baby, come look!" Nale called through the shack. His succubus mistress stumbled through the hall, finally tripping over a stair and crashing into Nale. Both smiled and laughed for a good five minutes. Sabine stood up and brushed her skirt off.
    "Well, it's beautiful baby, but I gotta head out. Business." She winked and flew away into a portal. Nale sighed and sat down on the stool.
    Why is she always out? Does she not have time for me any more? Is there another one? Is she hanging out with the bard and his crew? Thoughts ran through Nale's mind, all of which he knew were false. Sabine was just...being Sabine. Thog had gone missing shortly before they reached the cabin, so Nale was alone for the most part. Suddenly, a huge blizzard whipped up outside and began layering down piles of snow everywhere. Nale got up and began to shut the door when soemthing caught his eye. Was that...a green splash of color amongst the winter wonderland? Nale threw on a scarf and gloves and slowly made his way to the green form. Expecting to find a goblin or some other hostile race, he pulled his knife. Nale jumped and slashed down.
    "Sneak Attack." Nale muttered and gasped as a large lock of lime green human hair fell into his hand.
    "It's...human...might as well help it since I have nothing better to do." Nale quickly grabbed the unconcious form and dragged it back to the cabin.

    As soon as he got there, he shut the door and threw five blankets and a cup of hot chocolate over the person.
    "Oh, it's an elf. What fun." Nale sat down and lit a fire while waiting for the elf to fully regain conciousness.
    "Huh, what...where am I? Who are you?" The elf inquired and blushed a bit as she saw the handsome human face.
    "I am Nale, a mere civilian hiding out in this cabin during the hard winters and I saw you in the cold and deicded to rescue you. And your name?"
    "Inkyrius, but most call me Kyrie for short." Inkyrius mopped her wet face with a blanket and sat next to Nale's fireplace. Nale raised an eyebrow and walked around in a circle. "Interesting name, Kyrie." Nale sat down again and they struck up a conversation, unaware the snow was steadily rising outside.

    Two hours later, Kyrie stood up from her seat at the fireplace.
    "I must really leave. It's been nice talking to you and all, but..." Kyrie looked outside. Seven feet of snow were stacked outside. Kyrie jumped a bit. "Oh my." She blushed at the thought of staying with Nale much longer. Nale grinned and pulled a chair closer to his.
    "Please, do stay." Kyrie sat down next to him and they talked a bit longer, then passionately kissed for what semed like hours. By the time they were done, the snow had passed.


    CHRISTAMS CRACK OVER.
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

  26. - Top - End - #386
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    CheeseMuncher:

    BatRobin: Wow, that ending was abrupt. Instead of "rocks fall, everyone dies", now we have "snow falls, everyone makes out". I mean that in a good way.

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  27. - Top - End - #387
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Water-Smurf: I was a few sentences in to it before I figured out it was a "present" chapter rather than a Tiasal chapter. Other than going "Xykon? Rocks? Gate? Oh!" it was quite well done.

    CheeseMuncher: Nicely done, seems like it could easily be part of the canon.

    BatRobin: Amusing, certainly. I'm not sure Nale would randomly help someone he found in the snow, though.

  28. - Top - End - #388
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Water-Smurf:Wow...just Wow.

    Cheesemuncher:Can we officially declare you THE VXA writer?
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

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    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



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  29. - Top - End - #389
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    CheeseMuncher: Wow! Greatly done. I give you a big plate of cheese to munch on for your awesomeness.

    WaterSmurf: Great chapter as always!

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Oy. I need more sleep, I just tried to plug my headphones into my book instead of my iPod. That is not a good sign.
    I've done worse. I was so sleepy one time that I tried to plug my headphones into my wall outlet. That was my indication that I needed much more sleep.
    Your local Cleric.

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  30. - Top - End - #390
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    I've done worse. I was so sleepy one time that I tried to plug my headphones into my wall outlet. That was my indication that I needed much more sleep.
    Or a trip to the hospital.
    [/sarcasm]
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