Broken: a novel.

[Forevernade]

So based on this quote by Anatharon, I thought it would be fun to start a list of all the different ways 3.5 can be broken.

I would be upset if I sat down with a, say, 15$ novel and it read:

"Elminster realized the ineffectiveness of his feats, so he retrained. Then he simply cast wall of iron a few times, sold the iron for a profit, bought a candle of invocation, summoned Pazuzu and won at life."

They can be a tear in the fabric of game-logic, or just a little nick.

The list can start here:

Spoiler

Show

1. Candle of evocation - summoning efreet, use 1/wish to summon another candle
2. Broken Economy
   
   • wall of iron
   • ladder into two 10' poles
   • Chicken Infested Flaw - spell component pouch, infinite draws.
3. Spiked Chain melee lockdown
4. Shambling mound's electric constitution
5. Deck of many things + Augury
6. 5' chain of pass-along
7. Drowning back to life
8. Telepathic Bond + Aid stack

[SaintRidley]

another for the economy:

10 ft. ladder can be broken into 2 10 foot poles and resold at a profit.

[Captain Six]

another for the economy:

10 ft. ladder can be broken into 2 10 foot poles and resold at a profit.

No you can't, those 10 foot poles have holes in them! They're worthless now!

[Haven]

All the ways? We're gonna be here a while...

Anyway, I always liked the thought that at any time, all life on a given D&D world could be wiped out by a peasant flooding the planet with chicken.

[PhoenixRivers]

And Fistandantilus reached his eleventh level as a mage, and Summoned an Efreet via a Gate Scroll. He instructed the efreet to shave its head and provide him with the clippings.

So it was that Fistandantilus cast simulacrum, using but a lock of the hair, and created an efreet of his own. This Efreet greated three by using a powerful wish to create another simulacrum, with the original hair. Those three begat nine more.

One of those nine wished for a candle of invocation, which Fistandantilus used to summon a Solar. He requested the Solar's hair, and repeated this process until he ownedcloned the heavens.

[Lycanthromancer]

"...And as the pastrami sandwich (whose mind was that of the most powerful telepath who had ever lived) bore down on his foe, it saw that the vile lich, a creature who knew no fear, trembled in its terror."

[Saintheart]

"And it came to pass, in the great city of Waterdeep, that a warrior created the first spiked chain.

From that day forward, he was never defeated in battle, and no warrior bore any weapon other than his own spiked chain."

[PhoenixRivers]

"And it came to pass, in the great city of Waterdeep, that a warrior created the first spiked chain.

From that day forward, he was never defeated in battle, and no warrior bore any weapon other than his own spiked chain."

In all fairness, compared to the previous examples, this reads as:

"And it came to pass, in the mental hospital, that a patient stumbled upon a method for effectively headbutting the orderlies.

And to placate him, the doctors put a couple extra happy pills in his jello."

[Lycanthromancer]

"And it came to pass, in the great city of Waterdeep, that a warrior created the first spiked chain.

From that day forward, he was never defeated in battle, and no warrior bore any weapon other than his own spiked chain."

"And it's not like anyone actually cared, because no other exotic weapon was worth spending the extra time and effort it took to actually learn them.

"And for the same amount of effort it took for him to learn how to hit stuff really hard, he could have been rewriting the rules of the universe to suit his whims."

Seriously, spiked chains are about what exotic weapons should be; most of them aren't even as good as some of the better martial weapons (or even the best simple weapons).

But let's not turn this into one of THOSE threads, hmm?

[Milskidasith]

Spiked chain isn't broken. It's only as good as it should be for a feat.

"And so it came to pass that The Word spoke His Word, and all creatures, even gods, were felled at His feet, while his brother, The Wish, rewrote reality according to his will, knowing no limits to his power."

[Lycanthromancer]

"Hror the In-Dire-Need-of-Therapy roared his rage as he charged the little old man holding a broom, his massive axe clenched in fists and wielded with arms corded and knotted with muscles borne of the trials of living in the most terrifying hinterlands ever faced by man or beast.

"In response, the raven perched on the old man's shoulder gave a cry that sounded suspiciously like Enzyte!, and the man's shiny cloth hat suddenly expanded into a solid adamantine barrier, blunting the barbarian warrior's attack completely.

"On his turn, the old man suddenly appeared behind the homicidal sociopath, and whispered, 'Remember Rule One, kid,' and turned him into a toad (albeit a very angry one)."

*****

"The peasants formed a line a couple of miles long, as instructed by the man they were told had insights into the secret workings of the universe. He checked to make certain they were no more than 5 feet apart at any point (not that they seemed to ever be able to get closer than that for some reason), and gave the signal to begin. The first peasant began making serviceable clubs of decent quality from the wood of the forest at a rate that would have astonished the most skilled master carver, while the rest of the line handed them one-to-another, all the way down the entire length of the line, at lightning speed.

"The smooth pieces of fashioned wood traveled two miles in only a handful of seconds, leaving smoke and sparks in the air as they traveled faster than the sound the clubs left behind due to the Doppler Effect. At the end of the line, the last man let go of the first club, expecting this momentum to send it flying at a speed of 1200 miles per hour, and leaving a hole in the massive beast he was aiming for.

"He only did 1d6 damage, since the idea of inertia simply hadn't caught on."

[Lycanthromancer]

How the hell did I manage to double-post like that?

[SurlySeraph]

"Quick, he's dying!" yelled Zemyon, as his companions dragged the fallen wizard over to the basin of water. With surgical precision, they jammed the mage's face into the liquid. Zemyon sighed with relief as life flowed back into the drowning man's features. He'd live, and that'd teach him to mess around with demon summoning.

Chicken Infested Flaw - spell component

I would love to read a novel about a peasant who defeats every challenge set before him by summoning an infinite number of chickens.

[Lycanthromancer]

"This is the story of three children, all born on the same day:

"Moe the human boy, who managed to grow to adulthood and complete his fighter's apprenticeship in only 16 years.

"Larry, Moe's half-brother (whose mother was an orc; apparently Moe's father had a drunken threesome and the prescription for his beer goggles needed some major refills), who caught on to his fighter's training slightly faster than Moe despite being less intelligent.

"And Shemp, their retarded elven friend, who grew about the same speed as Moe and Larry, but still hadn't made it out of diaper training when Moe and Larry received their diplomas from Fighter Camp '00."

[Sliver]

I would love to read a novel about a peasant who defeats every challenge set before him by summoning an infinite number of chickens.

But it leaves great scars in the plane of chicken.. Think of the chicken!

[Milskidasith]

There is a peasant who solves every problem with chicken. His name?

Sanders.

[Lycanthromancer]

"The quiet, unassuming librarian stood in front of SESSRINARIODARIUSRINAR, the mighty ebon terror, ancient dragon and slayer of thousands, unfazed by his acidic gaze, and unperturbed in his serenity. He was balding, and dumpy, and looked nothing so much as a gentle grandfather whose main concern was bouncing his great-grandbabies on his knees.

"'What we have here is a failure to communicate,' he said softly. 'Can we not all just get along? Otherwise, I may have to take...steps.'

"The noise began in a low rumble, escalated to a chuckle, then burst out as a roar of laughter as the dragon could hardly credit the overweening pride of this pitiful-looking simian hominid. 'Grovel before me and I may let you live. For a time. Let us hope in the meantime that your screams of torment entertain me as much as your audacity!'

"The elderly bookworm gazed up at the ancient great wyrm, and sighed.

"'Very well,' the geriatric gentleman replied. 'Consequence on your head it be; you were warned. Now, my pet!'

"The chameleon-lizard scurried out of the shadows across the ceiling, dropping a worn-edged book onto the dragon's massive head. The wizened wizard's eyes glowed red as he read the words inscribed in his mind's eyes.

"'Behold! The Power of Cheese!'

"With that, he dispelled the book of runes. The resulting explosions left nothing but a miasma of red in the air and a ringing in the old man's ears.

"'Eat it, bitch.'"

[edit] Wow, I thought that would've been censored out...

[Curmudgeon]

When I saw your title I thought it was about this:



There's some pretty good content there that could be applicable to various game settings.

[Lycanthromancer]

One of those nine wished for a candle of invocation, which Fistandantilus used to summon a Solar. He requested the Solar's hair, and repeated this process until he ownedcloned the heavens.

Clwned.

Textual Harassment.