Your Best OOC lines.

[Beelzebub1111]

We all know that we have our badass funny and so forth lines that our characters have said. but What have we said out of game that brings you to laughter, joy, or groans?

Here's one of my favorites:
DM: Through the door you see 12 grimlocks and one really big one that looks like it's been mutated
Player: What's a Grimlok?
Me: Giant Robot Dinosaur.
<beat>
Player: Really?

Cue everybody laughing for five minutes.

[Siegel]

You can't attack him with your Greatsword, you have a cauldron in your hand

[Starscream]

"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!"

[Yukitsu]

The reason I'm doing well, and you're failing, is that I'm playing an engineer and am basing my science on the actual technology available in the period, whereas you are playing a theoretical scientist who bases his ideas off of star trek.

[holywhippet]

Goblins, the other green meat.

[AngelisBlack]

To DM: My character does have, Knowledge (Common Sense) right?

[Oracle_Hunter]

(In a 4th Edition Game)
N00b: How do we determine facing?
Me: There is no facing, only Zuul

Reference

Really though, this is just a good go-to line

[oxybe]

The reason I'm doing well, and you're failing, is that I'm playing an engineer and am basing my science on the actual technology available in the period, whereas you are playing a theoretical scientist who bases his ideas off of star trek.

dunno why but this made me think of this Hark, a vagrant! comic.

as for my contribution: "so we Shag the monster then?"

by "Shag the X" I meant to send the dwarf barreling towards it in a suicide charge, usually carrying some sort of explosive. the dwarf in question was a HP machine and could usually survive several point blank explosions with only minor injury and somehow exploding dwarves worked well in several occasions.

needless to say, when the monster is a huge sized aberration with no discernable anatomy, i could have picked better words.

[Rezby]

My friend and I were talking about the rogues sneak attack and his rogue and how it uses a rapier.

me: A rapier? or a raper?
him: heh.... rape sneak attack... thrust up the ******* for xd6 extra damage... ouch. Imagine how much that would hurt. There's a sword up your ass.
me: If you're going to be doing that sort of dickery, might as well just stab through the balls into the anus.
him: ouch.... *acts out such a motion*
me: critical hit.

[MachineWraith]

I was DMing a homebrewed zombie apocalypse campaign, that had several different types of "boss" zombie, some ripped straight from Left 4 Dead, some made up on my own.

One of the "Hunter" types had pounced a player and brought him to very low HP. Following round, I roll damage for the Hunter and look up at the player. He says, "Well?"

I respond, "He's playing with your guts like a two year old plays with spaghetti."

He went white as a sheet and the rest of the party erupted in laughter. :)

[icastflare!]

Me: how did the devil steal his soul?
DM: he lost the fiddle contest of course

[Stubbed Tongue]

"Play big or go home"

[Starbuck_II]

DM: You've just defeated the frost giants. You see a stew pot.
Me: I smell it. Does it smell good?
DM: Yeah, it smells great.
Me: I try a bit. How does it taste?
DM: Yes, they used a lot of spices to enhance the taste.
Other party: what are you doing?
Me: I was hungry.
DM: You guys keep searching and see dwarf bodies cut up.
Dwar PC: You ate Dwarf! (hits my PC on back of head)
Me: It tasted great (I said like Tiger on Frost Flakes). Look if you ever find some stew made of elves, go ahead dig in.

[Katana_Geldar]

No, you didn't want to go with the other players, who are now twenty minutes away from you, so you can't arrive just in time to join their conversation. This isn't Star Trek and you just can't beam in there, Scotty.

[RandomLunatic]

DM: Random, you take 13 damage, and the genie's invisibility drops and he appears right next to you.
Me (In a perfect imitation of the then-still-living Ed McMahon): Heeeeeeeeeeer's Janni!

[desmond1323]

Me: It tasted great (I said like Tiger on Frost Flakes). Look if you ever find some stew made of elves, go ahead dig in.

Me: "I open a barrel of elf pudding, what's inside?"
Dm: "It's exactly what you think it is."

[Kalirren]

We'd been playing a WoD-esque campaign revolving around the intrigues and the politics of a particular vampire lord. At some point, things were just falling apart, and we set off to find the one man whom we knew could set things right. Some two sessions later, at long last we tracked this elder down, and he told us in his basement that he'd sold his soul to the Devil to save the Order of Hermes, and was taking poisoned blood to make sure he couldn't betray anything he had built. He then gave us his final instructions and his dying wishes.

Then he died, leaving behind several important artifacts.

Now I'm a very serious player by instinct. At this point I said to my DM, "You know, in the six years I've been playing with you, I've been waiting for a good opportunity to say this."

He asks me, "What is it?"

And I said, "'I loot the room.'"

[Penny67]

Epic. Win.

[taltamir]

"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!"

"are you saying I need to take it off first?"

This one isn't mine, but it happened in a game I played in:
Cleric: Ale and wenches
DM: Aren't clerics supposed to be celibate?
Cleric: celibawho?

The delivery was so smooth and well done that we all laughed and laughed.

[The Glyphstone]

This is a DM line, so it's not really OOC, but still worth sharing...one of my favorite stories.

Context: A goofy one-shot game where the party got teleported into a Super Mario World expy, complete with teleporting green pipes that led to loot-filled safe rooms.

The buildup: A small argument over who should go down a certain green pipe first, that looked exactly like all the others (they had met a Goomba down one which bit a few people). The fighter decided to grapple the rogue and throw him down the pipe. I roll a die.


The Line: "The pirahna plant crits."

[mikej]

Me: "Can I eat what's left of the dead duergar Fighter?"
Group: " . . . "
DM: " sure..."

Few levels later

Me: Can I eat what's left of the dead Centaur Fighter?"

[jguy]

DM: I am trying to use Logic in this game!
Me: Logic?! We're a party of two halflings, a Dwarf who uses a bloody harpoon, and a centaur/dragon thing who has a magical connection with a Dire Iguana! Logic has no place in this world!

[Cisturn]

while fighting goblins and wolves our fighter takes a critical and goes into the negatives
Cleric "Hey, throw your rations to distract the wolves"
Hexblade "Can't we just throw the fighter?"

[Mordokai]

"Well, nobody can say this group is homophobic..."

And I would rather not got into details

[Apropos]

dunno why but this made me think of this Hark, a vagrant! comic.

as for my contribution: "so we Shag the monster then?"

by "Shag the X" I meant to send the dwarf barreling towards it in a suicide charge, usually carrying some sort of explosive. the dwarf in question was a HP machine and could usually survive several point blank explosions with only minor injury and somehow exploding dwarves worked well in several occasions.

needless to say, when the monster is a huge sized aberration with no discernable anatomy, i could have picked better words.

Why use a valuable party member when you could use an expendable critter from a bag of tricks?

[Saintheart]

DM: "So you want a greatsword?"
Player: "Hell yeah. A big greatsword. I want a sword so big that if it were a penis it'd stretch from A to Z on a keyboard."
(beat)
Player: "Waitaminute..."

[Callos_DeTerran]

A bit of set-up. I had been running a short game where the PCs were two adventurers contracted by a company to go investigate and explore a jungle island. They had steam-punk type gear, but no magic, set up a base camp, and prepared to head off into the rain-forest. I reminded them, considering the adventure could almost be called D&D Oregon Trail that if they didn't have it on their sheet, then they didn't have it (we were usually lenient about stuff like rations, bedding, and stuff). Que them marching off four days into the jungle and discovering it was full of dinosaurs and other nasty creatures (They enjoyed it since I told them that they could 'name' landmarks and undiscovered creatures).

On the fifth day, it began to rain. Hard. And they fought a...rather large and carnivorous reptile that managed to land some good hits on them so they wanted to rest. Cue the conversation of...

DM: Alright, since it's raining so hard I'll say that you take a -1 morale penalty if you sleep outside a tent. You two have tents, right?
P1: Hmm, lemme check...nope. You?
P2: Uhhh....
DM: ...Alright. If you have blankets you can improvise them into a make-shift shelter.
P1: Yeah, don't have those either.
DM: Then you spend a wet and miserable night in the rainforest.

The next day the trek continued, they refused to go back for meager things like supplies, but ran into another random encounter of a large reptile that they had some trouble with because of that simple -1 penalty.

Prompting...

DM:Alright, the massive reptile collapses down unto the ground with a thud, the rain washing the blood of your wear bodies and...
P1: SKIN IT!
P2: Yes, we must skin it!
DM: What?!
P1: We need a tent, and it doesn't need it's skin. Win win.
P2: Yessss, we must skin it!
DM: Do either of your characters know how to tan hides or sew?! You'll ruin most of the hide!
P1: Then we will skin everything we come in contact with until we have a gorram tent!

'SKIN IT!' quickly became their battle-cry. When discovered they could get rations, daggers, and other useful adventuring supplies they had also failed to buy, it changed to 'Mangle it! Use every piece just like the Indians! Then...we SKIN IT!"

[rockdeworld]

And I said, "'I loot the room.'"

Why the blank-out?

[Delta]

Why the blank-out?

So you don't accidentally read the punchline before the build-up, I guess

[Manga Shoggoth]

"Is Cthulhu large?"

Me: "Can I eat what's left of the dead duergar Fighter?"
Group: " . . . "
DM: " sure..."

Few levels later

Me: Can I eat what's left of the dead Centaur Fighter?"

I rememver an old Punch cartoon with two men and a mermaid on a desert island. The line:

"Be a sport, Jethro. Can't we eat the bottom half?"