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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    THE PARTY:
    Val, Grey Elf Wizard
    Krugar, Orc Cleric of Gruumsh
    Graxl, Kobold Alchemist
    "Wood Elf", Wild Elf Ranger (no one really bothered to learn his name, so we called him Wood Elf)

    So, our 2nd level party is walking through the merchant district of a rather wealthy city when they are approached by a random trader (They've gain some fame already for wiping out a dragon-led tribe of Kobolds and "accidentally" destroying an ancient Dwarven fortress. No, it was an accident, we swear!) and asked for assistance dealing with a pesky gang of criminals that's been harassing him. He offers a reward of 200gp apiece to the party. Naturally, Val attempts to haggle for a better reward, but the trader says that he's sure he can find someone else more capable. Just at that moment, the DM says that a heavily-armored dual-greatsword-wielding fighter walks by, proving this point. However, Val takes this opportunity and, with a little creative magic, undoes the clasps on the fighter's armor, humiliating the man in a manner that Val chalks up to clearly amateur adventuring skills.

    Unfortunately, the DM is rather annoyed by all this, and in his vindictiveness decides that this stranger is actually a 10th level fighter with a ring that detects when people are casting spells at him, allowing him to easily pick out Val as his humiliator. The fighter comes up to the party, greatsword drawn threateningly, and demands an apology. At this point, the cowardly Wood Elf casually strolls away whistling and pretending not to be affiliated with the rest of the party. Meanwhile, Krugar draws his greataxe and steps between Val and the fighter, unaware that his opponent is 10th level. Graxl is also sitting on Krugar's shoulders, as the old alchemist often does (don't ask). Krugar tells the fighter to back off, but is surprised to find himself grabbed by the neck and lifted into the air. Graxl interprets this as combat starting, and proceeds to dump a sack of seven alchemist's fires on the fighter, dealing 7d6 fire damage and lighting him on fire! In the same turn, he stuffs a potion of enlarge self in Krugar's mouth, transforming him into a 12'-tall orc.

    Unfortunately, this further upsets the DM, and just then the 10th level fighter's party comes waltzing out of a conveniently nearby tavern. The impressive 10th level human wizard and half-orc cleric approach the party as the 10th level halfling rogue drops out of nowhere onto Val's shoulders, pressing a dagger to his throat. The halfling demands that he/she (it's an elf) put out the fighter immediately. Val, still denying any responsibility, replies that he has absolutely no idea what the halfling's talking about, and that he's only a simple merchant! Of course, the halfling doesn't believe him, and after waiting one more round for the alchemist fire to burn the fighter Krugar is forced to douse him with a create water. And of course, Krugar makes sure to create this water in a concentrated sphere as far as possible above the fighter's head, dealing damage on impact due to house rules on falling objects.

    Just about now, Wood Elf asks why the city guards haven't done anything yet, at which point a retinue of soldiers approaches the party. Coincidentally, the captain of the guards is a good friend of the fighter, who saved his village just the other day. Again. For the fourth time.

    Now begins the game of "Blame the Kobold". When the guards ask what's going on here, Val immediately replies "The Kobold did everything!" Now, no one actually believes him, so Krugar backs him up, saying that the kobold just jumped onto his shoulders out of nowhere and started throwing alchemist's fire. Then, Graxl (the Kobold) shouts out "Yeah, the Kobold did it!" which of course doesn't help his case at all. The guards try to take Graxl into custody, saying that they're also going to fine him an exorbitant sum to pay for the fighter's healing. Krugar, seeing that things are quickly getting out of hand but wanted to maintain the facade that he and Val are unaffiliated with Graxl, starts shouting insults at the kobold and pulls him off his back. He then proceeds to toss Graxl away from them, pretending as though he's throwing him (remember, Krugar is still 12' tall). In mid-air, Graxl quaffs a potion of expeditious retreat, and as soon as he lands he books it for the town gate.

    Wood Elf grabs Graxl as he's running by, pulling the Kobold into an alley way and out of sight. Meanwhile, Krugar and Val attempt to prevent the guards and the 10th-leve party from pursuing the Graxl. They shout "After him!" and pretend to give chase, only to trip over each other and fall into the whole crowd of people. Of course, neither the guards nor the 10th level party are very interested in the kobold. Before either can get up, the fighter puts his greatswords to each of their throats, again demanding an apology AND compensation. Val, of course, replies "The Kobold did it!", inciting the fighter to kick him forty feet away. Val then casts expeditious retreat on himself and books it.

    This leaves Krugar alone with the 10th level party, and the fighter puts both swords to the orc's throat, demanding an apology. Krugar's response: "I apologize for being assaulted by you and trying to defend myself. My bad." The fighter quickly gets fed up, and decided he's going to cut off Krugar's hand! Graxl starts running back, hoping that he can somehow save Krugar, but he isn't fast enough. The fighter slices the orc's hand clean off and then walks off in the direction that the rest of the party went, leaving the rest of his party to deal with Krugar. This is when all hell really breaks loose.

    It's Kobold Cannon time.

    The fighter is walking away when suddenly Graxl comes running towards him. The kobold spends a full-round action to run at full speed, and combined with the expeditious retreat we calculate that he's moving... 27 miles per hour! Graxl leaps into the air and slams his body into the fighter's face. The 10th level fighter's skull is shattered, ripping his brain to pieces and killing him instantly. Miraculously, Graxl gets away alive, although the DM rules that nearly every bone in his body is shattered. Before the guards can apprehend Graxl, Val comes rushing back and spends his full-round action to fun at over 40 miles and hour, scooping up Graxl as he runs by. The 10th level wizard teleports in front of Val, longsword outstretched, attempting to prevent their escape, but a spectacular reflex save allows Graxl to dodge out of the way and keep on going strait out of town.

    Meanwhile, the 10th level halfling rogue apparently attempts to keep Krugar in place on the ground by sitting on the orc's face. The giant orc's face. Krugar immediately grabs the halfling, forces it into his mouth, and begins chewing! Unfortunately, the rogue's arms are still free, and be somehow opens up every vial of poison he has, pouring them into Krugar's mouth. Krugar manages to avoid swallowing the poison immediately, but this gives the rogue the opportunity to escape his mouth. However, once the halfling is out, Krugar proceeds to spit all of the poison at him. The poison enters the halfling's open wounds, and the 10th level rogue then fails a saving throw, immediately suffering 5 STR damage to his already low strength of 12, bringing him down to 7 strength.

    The cleric then uses inflict critical wounds to lower Krugar to negative HP, knocking him unconscious. The wizard returns, and the three remaining level-10's pay a few random commoners to carry the giant orc corpse with them to a warehouse. Of course, before they get there the halfling takes secondary damage from the poison. The dice are rolled, and the result... is 9! The halfling is slain by his own poison!

    At this point, the party receives experience points—enough to bring everyone (except the Wood Elf, who didn't really do anything...) up to level 5! (Sensible house rules allowed for multiple level-ups with sufficient XP.)

    Krugar is tortured and killed at the hands of the 10th level cleric, all the while insulting his half-orc captor for being a disgrace to the One-Eyed God. Val and Graxl mend their copious wounds, and as they do so they make plans to purchase a resurrection spell for poor Krugar. Overall, everyone (except the Wood Elf) is pretty satisfied with their success at taking down two 10th level characters with only one real casualty.

    It is at this point that the DM decides to retcon the entire thing and bring us back to our conversation with the trader.

    And I was so excited to be fifth level... =(

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Epic story, but... what's up with the DM? He should have been prepared for you guys to screw over his plans; that's what we players do best!
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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    That's exactly what Val said! We were even really reasonable about it too!

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Well, at least the DM was fair and balanced on both sides of his crazy rule-breaking. This is what happens when the railroad tracks lead off the side of a cliff.

    (Incidentally, Strength damage can't kill, it can only paralyze.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel, on quest rewards View Post
    "Is a stack of ten pancakes too many pancakes to give to the party, even if most of them fell on the floor and one or two were stepped on? I wanted to give my party pancakes as a reward but I'm unsure if it's too much. The pancakes are also laced with blowfish poison so the party would have to get an antitoxin before they could eat the ones which weren't pulverized by shoes."

    I don't think anyone would want those pancakes even if you paid them to eat them.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Daemon

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    And to think, when I opened this thread, I expected to find a story about someone actually firing Kobolds out of a cannon. Ah well, it was a funny story regardless.
    "Of course, I'm ignoring a druid that turns into a bear, has his pet dinosaur charge into battle loaded with lolpwn personal buffs, then summons 1d3 greenbound creatures. Then he throws out insane BC spells and debuffs, before mopping up while flying in a tornado blasting lasers out of his eyes." - faceroll, 01-23-2010, 09:34PM.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Klyth Manyclaw View Post
    And to think, when I opened this thread, I expected to find a story about someone actually firing Kobolds out of a cannon. Ah well, it was a funny story regardless.
    Sounds like that pretty much happened, just without the cannon.
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  7. - Top - End - #7
    Titan in the Playground
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    I like the way the DM kept trying to squash his players impetuous roleplaying, but was such a slave to his own house-rules and so on, that the party just kept getting more and more successfully audacious.

    The Dm should be ashamed of himself for pretty much every response he made, yet somehow it sounds like it was a hilarious session. (Despite the DM being a jackass, frankly.)

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Klyth Manyclaw View Post
    And to think, when I opened this thread, I expected to find a story about someone actually firing Kobolds out of a cannon. Ah well, it was a funny story regardless.
    Well, "Kobold Cannon" was what we decided upon as the name for our new last ditch effort tactic.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiki Snakes View Post
    The Dm should be ashamed of himself for pretty much every response he made, yet somehow it sounds like it was a hilarious session. (Despite the DM being a jackass, frankly.)
    Honestly, in the end everyone did have a lot of fun (DM included), although I agree that the DM's response was a tad bit... insane...

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    The Bellmaker's Avatar

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    I agree with all points. Especially since I was one of the players. Now, I'm not going to say which I was, but I will say, that I do think it was good that the DM stayed consitent. He was trying to keep us on the tracks, admittedly, and we weren't exactly trying to jump them, but at least he was fair on both ends. Once he decided that something worked a certain way, it stayed that way, and he didn't wildly change rules or arbitrarily smite people.

    it was an enjoyable session, all told. Look forward to more interesting anecdotes about our campaigns, though, because our group is a bit...off.
    Kaldan Ageus - Always available, but never free. ~~~Fallen. He shall quickly be forgotten by most, but for those he set on fire.

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  10. - Top - End - #10
    Eldritch Horror in the Playground Moderator
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    As long as you guys actually end up doing things. though, now that I think of it, a Groundhog Day campaign where every session ended in a retcon/snapback could have plenty of humor on its own.
    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel, on quest rewards View Post
    "Is a stack of ten pancakes too many pancakes to give to the party, even if most of them fell on the floor and one or two were stepped on? I wanted to give my party pancakes as a reward but I'm unsure if it's too much. The pancakes are also laced with blowfish poison so the party would have to get an antitoxin before they could eat the ones which weren't pulverized by shoes."

    I don't think anyone would want those pancakes even if you paid them to eat them.

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Beholder

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Glyphstone View Post
    As long as you guys actually end up doing things. though, now that I think of it, a Groundhog Day campaign where every session ended in a retcon/snapback could have plenty of humor on its own.
    Hmm... Maybe the PCs have to stop the BBEG in X amount of time, but they're several levels too low, and after X amount of time, they go back to the start, but experience carries over. Masks too, the masks have to carry over. But any good deeds they do along the way will inevitably go to waste, leading to a severe case of fridge logic. Wait, that wouldn't work. They'd just try to kill the Happy Mask Salesman and die every time. Damn you, Majora's Mask! Why must you be the only Zelda game I hold a grudge against despite never having been able to beat a single one (except OoT, with significant outside assistance) as a result of incompetence, laziness, or a combination of the two?!!!

    ...That was completely unnecessary and quite possibly insane. Obligatory clarification that those same adjectives also describe everything else I've ever done or said.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Enix18 View Post
    al comes rushing back and spends his full-round action to fun at over 40 miles and hour,
    KEEP. DO NOT FIX THIS TYPO.

    Anyway...

    Why retcon that? It was epic.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    retcon!? HE RETCONED IT!?
    He should have his DM badge removed!
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  14. - Top - End - #14
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    WolfInSheepsClothing

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    This is sad.
    The dm should be happy that his players are creative
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Reminds me of the time my friend's Barbarian used a Live Worg as a weapon.

    EPIC STORY!.

    Move over, Pun-Pun, there's a new kid in town!
    Last edited by Lord Loss; 2010-05-16 at 08:48 AM.
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  16. - Top - End - #16
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Was any of the kobold's land speed was due to a math error?
    Last edited by Prodan; 2010-05-16 at 09:01 AM.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Loss View Post
    Reminds me of the time my friend's Barbarian used a Live Worg as a weapon.

    EPIC STORY!.

    Move over, Pun-Pun, there's a new kid in town!
    Please tell this story. I am curious.
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    Titan in the Playground
     
    Greenish's Avatar

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Loss View Post
    Reminds me of the time my friend's Barbarian used a Live Worg as a weapon.
    If you hit an enemy with a worg, who makes the trip check?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Claudius Maximus View Post
    Also fixed the money issue by sacrificing a goat.
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  19. - Top - End - #19
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by volthawk View Post
    Please tell this story. I am curious.
    Now see, I was using Random Encounter tables, and i rolled up 5 worgs on it against two level One PCs.

    Now, not being the kind of DM to just ''oh, I guess i'll reroll'' I decided to make the monsters flee after a few rounds. I describe the PCs seeing lots of dmonic looking wolves with gigantic teeth'' in the distance. The Worgs begin to sprint at the PCs and one of them starts unloading at them with his crossbow. The Barbarian readies an action to run and Grapple the worgs when they come within 30 FT of him. Two worgs get dangerously close. A round later, one comes two squares away from our Barbarian. He runs, they make grapple checks.

    Barbarian: Natural 20!

    Me: Erm, Natural one..

    Barbarian: I pick up the worg.

    The next round, the worg rolls a miserable 3 on his escape check. Come his turn the Barbarian smashes the Worg onto an incoming worg... and rolls a natural 20. That Worg is Instantly killed. The other Worg Is Left at very low life. The Barbarian then tries to jump onto the worg and Ride it... rolling a 20! More Worgs approach, attacking the PC that,s been sniping them from afar.

    Worg Rider rides his worg towards the Other worgs, but is thrown off. He attempts to attack the worg to teach it a Lesson, rolling a Natural...

    1!

    He trips over his own greataxe and falls into the swamp. Leaving theother PCs (who's class is Avatar of Shadow, a modified version of Rich Burlew's Champion class) and The Worg together. The PC goes into Avatar form and starts attacking the Worgs, by now three remain, one being the Worg-mobile (who is at low life). The Barbarian stands up and gives the Worg a piece of his mind by taking off most of his head. Then the PCs deal with most of the other worgs.

    And Thus Is the Tale of The Worgblademobile!

    Oh yeah. There was also a cleric PC who spent most of his time hiding behind a Wagon and healing.
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  20. - Top - End - #20
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Enix18 View Post
    However, Val takes this opportunity and, with a little creative magic, undoes the clasps on the fighter's armor, humiliating the man in a manner that Val chalks up to clearly amateur adventuring skills.
    (...)
    Unfortunately, the DM is rather annoyed by all this, and in his vindictiveness decides that this stranger is actually a 10th level fighter with a ring that detects when people are casting spells at him, allowing him to easily pick out Val as his humiliator.
    (...)
    Unfortunately, this further upsets the DM, and just then the 10th level fighter's party comes waltzing out of a conveniently nearby tavern. The impressive 10th level human wizard and half-orc cleric approach the party as the 10th level halfling rogue drops out of nowhere onto Val's shoulders, pressing a dagger to his throat.
    (...)
    Just about now, Wood Elf asks why the city guards haven't done anything yet, at which point a retinue of soldiers approaches the party. Coincidentally, the captain of the guards is a good friend of the fighter, who saved his village just the other day. Again. For the fourth time.
    The wizard's trick :
    Good thinking. Me like it.

    The DM :
    What the Hell ?! That's what I call being frustrated.
    Also, nobody thought about looting that ring the fighter had ?

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiki Snakes View Post
    I like the way the DM kept trying to squash his players impetuous roleplaying, but was such a slave to his own house-rules and so on, that the party just kept getting more and more successfully audacious.

    The Dm should be ashamed of himself for pretty much every response he made, yet somehow it sounds like it was a hilarious session. (Despite the DM being a jackass, frankly.)
    x2

    Still, at least he realized his mistake and retconned it.
    Last edited by Skaven; 2010-05-16 at 10:43 AM.
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Shademan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Skaven View Post
    x2

    Still, at least he realized his mistake and retconned it.
    except that he retconned their sucess as well as their minor failure (death of a character). he should have had the decency to let them at least keep one level and say that it had all been a trick/experiment by the dreamgod or sumfin'.
    the dm comes off as a prissy, railroading annoyance that has the gall to say "No your character didnt do that"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celesyne
    oh, and looting villages is REALLY good money, if a nearby lord doesn't stop by and give you a daily dose of rape.
    http://baetzler.de/humor/meat_beings.html

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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    You guys: Epic.

    Your DM: Jerk.


    Seriously, a homicidal 10th level party out of nowhere? Who pissed in his corn flakes that morning?

    I applaud ya'll for trying to escape and everything, though, and actually killing the Fighter and Rogue. Poor Orc... But his sacrifice will be remembered. *removes non-existent hat for very short moment of silence*


    I want to play as a Kobold now. Just to cannon-ball myself into people's faces. Are there potions of Expedy-whatever Retreat in 4e?
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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    My bad bro. I looooove you.
    I am Rogue.

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    DM: "The guards overpower you and throw you in jail for the night. Your hands are manacled."
    Blade Daylis: "I attempt to break the manacles."
    DM: "Your inebriation prevents you from focusing your strength enough to perform such a feat."
    BD: "I head-butt the door."
    *Roll roll*
    DM: "You crash your head against the door, shuddering the frame and almost throwing it off it's hinges."
    BD: "SWEET!"
    *Roll roll*
    DM: "Oh, also you're unconscious."

  25. - Top - End - #25
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    Kaiyanwang's Avatar

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Greenish View Post
    If you hit an enemy with a worg, who makes the trip check?
    I'd rule that it depends from the worg being of the same affiliation of the target, or third-party.
    Last edited by Kaiyanwang; 2010-06-01 at 01:07 PM.
    Warning: my time zone and internet acces may lead to strange/late post answers.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurald Galain View Post
    The rogue isn't really using charisma in melee, the rogue is applying Ability Score #6 to his Type-One attacks.
    Quote Originally Posted by ken-do-nim View Post
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    Players can see a story where there isn't one.
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    For 4.0? I expect them to whine to the DM until he makes the big bad boogeyman go away.

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    I stand by my decision to walk calmly away. And I said nothing about the guards, that was the kobold's fault too.
    Last edited by Belial37; 2010-06-06 at 02:41 PM.

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    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Now you just need to get him some greater Fire Resist leather armor and cover him in alchemist fire. Exploding Kobold Cannon.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    The Bellmaker's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2008

    Default Re: Kobold Cannon: An Epic Tale of 2nd Level Adventure

    Better idea.

    Provide him with adamantine spiked armour, and have the spikes enchanted as a Flaming Sonic Lightning Burst weapon.

    Damage resistance? What's that?

    Save vs. Death or Die time!
    Kaldan Ageus - Always available, but never free. ~~~Fallen. He shall quickly be forgotten by most, but for those he set on fire.

    Halone Bladesson - The sword has its own zeal, and a firm sense of purpose. ~~~Lost. Worms have taken him. May he one day find peace.

    Baz Baeaz - Teacher of the lost; may he find what he seeks. ~~~ The Ancient is fallen. In death, he finds his student once more.

    Soterios Johnson - The most dangerous men are those who have nothing left to lose...

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