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  1. - Top - End - #1381
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    the cannon fodder i mentiond is that if he can make a few more ideas for outer paladins, and they will be cannon fodder without just ''some paladins charged and died'' but ''bob, bill and jake attempted a charge, which ended in the death of the three of them''
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    Shqipper supreme. Purple Watchmaker of Light. Master class Thinkamancer. Infected with Rash Plague. 21st century's Charlmagne.
    Erudite Dudebro. King in Yellow. Level 20 Omnistalt everything. Prince of Void. 'The Fox'. Perched upon the very crucifex of Oblivion.
    Anxioused Aghast. Multipurpose Master at arms. Not a Vampire. Disaster Master: Shademaster. 10/10 on Auto. Punchbeef. Here comes a beautiful boy.

  2. - Top - End - #1382
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    That's silly. Minor characters need to have drawn out death scenes, or be heard of in hindsight. Only major characters get sudden deaths.

    Warning: Contains death and Lix acting like she knows what she's talking about.
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    Minor character, drawn out gory death to make the reader feel for them.
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    "Hey! over here!" called the paladin quietly. Viola turned to see. It was Alex, another of the newer paladins. She was a sweet girl, always willing to help, and offering to share her hiding plac. Viola tensed her legs to run-and a vicious claw speared through Alex' chest. She screamed in agony, blood pouring out, and Viola stood, watching the spiderbot as it slammed her body against the ground and moved on.


    Minor character with hindsight, never show their actual death. Not only does it hurt because the characters telling you are hurt, but there's the added punch of-You don't even get to see it.
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    "Hey, what happened to Alex?" asked Kurama, concerned.
    Viola broke down in tears.


    Major character, brutal ending. You feel the pain, and the horrible unfairness of a nice character who you care about just being snuffed out in an instant.
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    The two ran across the hallway, hand in hand. Kurama stumbled once, but Viola pulled him along. "Don't stop! If you stop you die!" she said frantically. They managed to reach the room an eternity away-a few metres away-and get inside before they were seen.

    "I can't take this." whimpers Viola a little. "It's... the academy... just... this isn't right."
    "Shh..." says Kurama, stroking her cheek, and leaning in to kiss her. She relaxes slightly as their lips touch, and then he goes to whisper in her ear.
    "Everything's going to be o-"
    A blast of searing red light.
    Blood splattered all over Viola, and Kurama's body collapsed next to her.
    "No. No it's not." laughed the warlock.
    Last edited by Lix Lorn; 2011-06-21 at 01:53 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  3. - Top - End - #1383
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    I like the brutal ending.
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  4. - Top - End - #1384
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Course you do, you're the warlock.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  5. - Top - End - #1385
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    That's silly. Minor characters need to have drawn out death scenes, or be heard of in hindsight. Only major characters get sudden deaths.

    Warning: Contains death and Lix acting like she knows what she's talking about.
    Spoiler
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    Minor character, drawn out gory death to make the reader feel for them.
    Spoiler
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    "Hey! over here!" called the paladin quietly. Viola turned to see. It was Alex, another of the newer paladins. She was a sweet girl, always willing to help, and offering to share her hiding plac. Viola tensed her legs to run-and a vicious claw speared through Alex' chest. She screamed in agony, blood pouring out, and Viola stood, watching the spiderbot as it slammed her body against the ground and moved on.


    Minor character with hindsight, never show their actual death. Not only does it hurt because the characters telling you are hurt, but there's the added punch of-You don't even get to see it.
    Spoiler
    Show
    "Hey, what happened to Alex?" asked Kurama, concerned.
    Viola broke down in tears.


    Major character, brutal ending. You feel the pain, and the horrible unfairness of a nice character who you care about just being snuffed out in an instant.
    Spoiler
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    The two ran across the hallway, hand in hand. Kurama stumbled once, but Viola pulled him along. "Don't stop! If you stop you die!" she said frantically. They managed to reach the room an eternity away-a few metres away-and get inside before they were seen.

    "I can't take this." whimpers Viola a little. "It's... the academy... just... this isn't right."
    "Shh..." says Kurama, stroking her cheek, and leaning in to kiss her. She relaxes slightly as their lips touch, and then he goes to whisper in her ear.
    "Everything's going to be o-"
    A blast of searing red light.
    Blood splattered all over Viola, and Kurama's body collapsed next to her.
    "No. No it's not." laughed the warlock.
    You win. And you also get ten bonus points for this line here:

    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    Warning: Contains death and Lix acting like she knows what she's talking about.

  6. - Top - End - #1386
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Aww, thanks.

    And, uh.
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    Sorry, Kurama. If you're around.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  7. - Top - End - #1387
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2: Part 11

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    Along a deserted hallway, the stone walls stood perfectly still. Except for a small portion of it which gives way with a cloud of dust. The hidden stone door glides open as a cloak figure emerges from the chamber behind it. He then slowly pushed to stone door back into place, so it could become part of the wall again.

    The man looks around the hallway before he reaches into his cloak and pulls out a piece of parchment. He unfolds and smooths it out to reveal a map of the fortress. His finger traces the page until it stops at the same hallway he just emerged on. He then moves his finger along the hallways, figuring out a specific route. He then refolds and stores the map back into his cloak before making his way down through the fortress.

    After several minutes, he turns down another hallway and stops. In the distance, he could hear a *Thump* moving ahead of him. As the sound got louder, he hid behind a suit of armor that looked like it was hastily put together by a nine year old. Recaiden then peers around to see what was causing the sound. He couldn't believe his luck when he saw his target come into view before disappearing down another hallway.

    His mind started calculating everything that he saw. She had a crutch and was limping, meaning she was injured. Catching up to her would be no problem and it would be harder for her to fight back if for some strange reason she knew he was there.

    He emerged out around the suit of armor, his stance like that of a predator stalking its prey. His steps start to echo off the walls as his anticipation edges him on. Suddenly he stops, looking down at his feet. He forgot that his target was able to sense sound according to the information that was given to him. He snarled as he realized he needed to move slower than normal to make absolutely no sound at all. It made the task all the more difficult that the floors were solid stone.

    He took a breath, and then made his way slowly to the edge of the hallway. Looking around, he saw his target was some distance away, but still in his sights. He slowly turns down the hallway and after the girl. It didn't take long for him to realize that they were both going the same speed. His only hope was that she stopped for whatever reason.
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2012-10-30 at 04:58 PM.
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    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

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  8. - Top - End - #1388
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    This part went through many revisions and rewrites. Even now I'm not sure if its good enough to portray what exactly is going on...
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  9. - Top - End - #1389
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Nice! I like the mood created by the absence of dialogue.

    You may wish to check your verb tenses though. They seem kind of erratic.

    Blue Ghost, Lawful Good generalist wizard, at your service.
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  10. - Top - End - #1390
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Ghost View Post
    Nice! I like the mood created by the absence of dialogue.

    You may wish to check your verb tenses though. They seem kind of erratic.
    Yeah I know. I'm feeling really worn out. Had a busy day at work. I'll get back to it later.
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  11. - Top - End - #1391
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Iiinteresting!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  12. - Top - End - #1392
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Dun DUN DUUUUUUN!
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  13. - Top - End - #1393
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Not bad, Silver. Nice work advancing the story.
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  14. - Top - End - #1394
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by smuchmuch View Post
    Nice chapter.

    (I'm not sure he's being a smart assassin here, though.
    I mean in the state she's in, even if shre heard him comming her chance of doging a blow would be minor. It seems it would be smarter for him to try to make a run for it and take her by surprise while she's still alone, rather than waiting and taking the risk of the arrival of a third party.)
    That depends on whether he's confident he can get out fast enough that the other paladins won't have time to come. This way, there's a chance one may come, but otherwise the whole place may come crashing down on his head. He may not be willing to take that risk.

    Edit: What the hell, man?!
    Last edited by Lateral; 2011-06-24 at 08:54 PM.

  15. - Top - End - #1395
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    You're missing a "which" in the second sentence. It should read: "Except for a small portion of it which gives way with a cloud of dust."
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  16. - Top - End - #1396
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    is anyone going to update that Tvtropes page? or it will stay there unupdated?
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  17. - Top - End - #1397
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by super dark33 View Post
    is anyone going to update that Tvtropes page? or it will stay there unupdated?
    Don't look at me. Its up to you guys.
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  18. - Top - End - #1398
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    i know, you already mentiond it. who made it anyway?
    Avatar by me auld friend and DM CoffeeIncluded
    Shqipper supreme. Purple Watchmaker of Light. Master class Thinkamancer. Infected with Rash Plague. 21st century's Charlmagne.
    Erudite Dudebro. King in Yellow. Level 20 Omnistalt everything. Prince of Void. 'The Fox'. Perched upon the very crucifex of Oblivion.
    Anxioused Aghast. Multipurpose Master at arms. Not a Vampire. Disaster Master: Shademaster. 10/10 on Auto. Punchbeef. Here comes a beautiful boy.

  19. - Top - End - #1399
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Raz_Fox made it, Grim and I have done most of the updating I think.
    "Ceterum censeo mediomundum esse delendum."
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  20. - Top - End - #1400
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    so are you going to update it?
    Avatar by me auld friend and DM CoffeeIncluded
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    Anxioused Aghast. Multipurpose Master at arms. Not a Vampire. Disaster Master: Shademaster. 10/10 on Auto. Punchbeef. Here comes a beautiful boy.

  21. - Top - End - #1401
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Probably, but I'd have to reread some chapters to scan for new potential tropes. And I don't know all tropes by heart, there's far too many of them.
    "Ceterum censeo mediomundum esse delendum."
    Quote Originally Posted by Claudius Maximus View Post
    A balor is literally made of evil - for all we know it's composed of malecules and cruelectrons.
    I will leave this world like I entered it - screaming and bathed in blood.

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  22. - Top - End - #1402
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    I started the character page for what it's worth.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
    I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Mon/Wed) and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 2: Justice For All (Fri)

  23. - Top - End - #1403
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Bisected8 View Post
    I started the character page for what it's worth.
    Sorry. It's just been a while.

    P.S.: I just reread the whole thread, just to be remembered of why I love it so much ^.^ And to look for new tropes of course.
    Last edited by Partysan; 2011-06-28 at 10:31 PM.
    "Ceterum censeo mediomundum esse delendum."
    Quote Originally Posted by Claudius Maximus View Post
    A balor is literally made of evil - for all we know it's composed of malecules and cruelectrons.
    I will leave this world like I entered it - screaming and bathed in blood.

    Martial Avatartist by the amazing yldenfrei

  24. - Top - End - #1404
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Partysan View Post
    P.S.: I just reread the whole thread, just to be remembered of why I love it so much ^.^ And to look for new tropes of course.
    And why do you love this so much?
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  25. - Top - End - #1405
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    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2: Part 12

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    Viola continued limping down the hall. Each other step still accompanied with a loud thunk from her crutch. At the moment, her goal of going down to help wasn't the focus of her mind. The real gift was being able to move again on her own. There was no way anything could ruin this moment for her.

    Before her was a door that led to a spiral staircase. However, she had to pause for several moments as she tried to open the door. Trying to do so while balancing on a crutch was alot harder then it looked. But after a few seconds, the door swung open soundlessly.

    She took a step forward, and then doubled up with pain. It felt like a knife was plunged into her lungs and she gasped. She took a couple steadying breaths and the pain subsided. Maybe she shouldn't try to take such large steps anymore. Preparing herself, she began her way down the stairs to the ground floor below.

    She was counting, double checking herself on which floor she needed to get off of. Finally, she came before the door she needed. She reached out, ready to open it. She paused, before she looked at the stairs going further down. An idea came to the forefront of her mind. No one was expecting her out in the field, except for maybe Blue. Perhaps she could take a little detour before she went out.

    She turned, and took a step down the stairs. However, she miscalculated and stumbled down five stairs. Fortunately, the pain didn't flare up for some reason and she regained her balance. She then continued unabated by what just happened.

    ************

    Recaiden followed his prey slowly down the hallway. He quickly was becoming frustrated by his lack of progress. The thought of simply running straight at her had crossed his mind more than once. She was injured. There was literally nothing she could do against him. But, he reminded himself, she was also a paladin. He had taught himself not to underestimate paladins. In addition, the information told him of her role during the demon invasion, so her powers had to have developed since he last saw her.

    Then, his frustration was thrown aside and forgotten. She had paused in front of a door and was preparing to open it. He moved as fast as he dared to close the gap between them. The door opened soundlessly and she prepared to go through it. It reached to pull out his knife and reached out for her. Suddenly, she gasped, causing him to hold back and hesitate unexpectedly. He was fearful of her turning around and seeing him. However, she just took a few steadying breaths and made her way through the door down some stairs.

    He gave some quick shallow breaths of relief before hating himself. Why did he fear her? He was an assassin! He literally has her life in his hands. Did he fear her because she was a paladin? He shook his head to clear the sudden memory of a man in armor and darkness closing around him. That was the past and he need not dwell on it anymore. He had a job to do, and he would see it through. He then silently pursued after her down the staircase.

    His frustration soon began to accompany him again as he found himself not making any ground on her once again. While it was true that the distance wasn't as far this time, he felt this "So close yet so far" experience distasteful. But he held his patience, for he knew she would have to stop before another door. And when she did, that would be when he'd strike.

    Just as he predicted, she stopped before a door and reached out to take hold of it. He adjusted his hold of his dagger and closed the gap between them. He saw as she turned her head to look down the staircase further. He was only fifteen feet from her. Ten feet. Five feet. When he got into striking distance, he swung his blade, aiming for her neck. By sheer coincidence, she took a step and accidentally stumbled down five stairs. His blade cut through the air that had held her just seconds ago. He lost his balance and braced himself against the wall, trying to make as little sound as possible.

    He looked down and saw that she had recovered already and was continuing down the staircase. He gnashed his teeth together in frustration before getting up and continuing after her. It was significantly longer trip down then he expected. With no other door along the staircase, he had to guess that they were underground at this point. There all along were small orbs of light on podiums providing a faint magical light to see down. Weirdly, these lights didn't cause either him nor her to cast a shadow, so he didn't have to worry about one possibly giving him away.

    After several minutes, he finally saw the staircase end onto a smooth stone floor. Several yards in front of him, the girl stepped down onto the floor and made her way across. He got to the end as well, but paused for a moment. Before him was a set of large stone doors carved into the rock itself. He felt a strange feeling coming from the doors, as if something unearthly was coming from the other side of them.

    He took a steadying breath, before making his way after her. This time, there was no getting away. He gripped the dagger harder, the orange poison glistening in the magical light. He closed the distance between them for the last time, and took full concentration on the place where he would end her life. He saw her reach out to the door to open it...

    *************

    Viola finally got to the bottom of the stairs. She stepped across the floor. Making her way to the large stone doors in front of her. She felt a sudden happiness staring at the doors. This was where it all began for her. The first visit still vivid in her memory. She stopped before the door and grabbed hold of the rung. She then pulled to open it...
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2012-10-30 at 05:14 PM.
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    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

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  26. - Top - End - #1406
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    And, next part done. I had fun writing this part. And messing with you guys as well.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  27. - Top - End - #1407
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Interesting use of perspective, I must say...

    Also:
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    Avatar by Dorian Soth Thormag. Thanks a bunch.

  28. - Top - End - #1408
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    DUNH DUNH DUNNNNNHHHHH!!!a
    Last edited by Lateral; 2011-07-03 at 07:37 AM.

  29. - Top - End - #1409
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    You are eeeevil. xD
    Recent Homebrew: The Socialite | The Crystalline: Memory Altering Construct Race | Sanguine Hand, a ToB Discipline of blood and cruelty
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    Thanks to all my avatar artists, especially to Paisley for my avatar of Vivian, cowardly cryophoenix.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  30. - Top - End - #1410
    Troll in the Playground
     
    BisectedBrioche's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Some rainly old island
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Noooo! Don't end the chapter there! I must know what happens!
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
    I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Mon/Wed) and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 2: Justice For All (Fri)

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