A Monster for Every Season: Summer 2
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  1. - Top - End - #121
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    My plot senses are tingling...
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
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  2. - Top - End - #122
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    As far as nicknames go, I think Arq is good, but Kujos is equally fine.
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  3. - Top - End - #123
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Woot!! Amazing work Silver!

    Looks like Viola is finding a few new ways to use her power, as well as learning to hear the voice better.

    Also, Grim has to carry Darkness around with him? That does make his power more fair and interesting. Nice to see how each time you create such an action packed story we learn more and more about your universe.

    Keep up the great work!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fred Rogers
    "When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."
    Quote Originally Posted by Mother Teresa
    If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one

  4. - Top - End - #124
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    ...if Grim got kidnapped, then I can see my ending up as a beautiful assistant actually making plotty sense. You've probably seen how flirty and chaotic I act... if the plot won't allow it that's fine, but if there's room for that... I'd be very very appreciative and cast Epic Huggles on you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  5. - Top - End - #125
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    But who would kidnap him?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fred Rogers
    "When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."
    Quote Originally Posted by Mother Teresa
    If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one

  6. - Top - End - #126
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    I got mean kidnapped. I mean captured, as in by the paladins.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  7. - Top - End - #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lix Lorn View Post
    ...if Grim got kidnapped, then I can see my ending up as a beautiful assistant actually making plotty sense. You've probably seen how flirty and chaotic I act... if the plot won't allow it that's fine, but if there's room for that... I'd be very very appreciative and cast Epic Huggles on you.
    That would propably be quite amusing scene, expecially if Grim is chained up and guarded better than anyone in the world and makes sarcastic remark or two at his predicament

    Or another good scene would just not to show who the person freeing him is, but have Grim still smirk knowingly and ask "What took you so long?" or something similiar

  8. - Top - End - #128
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Or, it could be a Xanatos gambit. You wanted to get captured cause you have me AN AGENT hidden among the paladins.

    >_>

    Haha, we're doing all Silverraptor's plotty work for him. ;p
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  9. - Top - End - #129
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    I would like some help from everyone reading this story. I plan on going on a clean-up of grammer, spelling, and other errors sweep of all my stories before starting the next part. The problem is, I know I won't find them all on my own without taking excessive amount of time, which I'm sure you all wouldn't like that.

    So, would you all like to do me a favor and help me find all the mistakes? Just post a quote about the part with the error bolded and then tell me the proper way to fix it. This way we could get this story back on track.

    If your wondering what prompted me to start this clean-up is the fact that alot of my friends and family have started reading it and every single one of them told me there were alot of errors. And if that's not enough, they won't tell me which part each error was in, just what I did wrong. That means it would be like playing minesweeper without the numbers.

    So ya, if you guys could help, then I can finally get them off my back.
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Sure, we'll try, right? I hadn't noticed many.

    Chapter 1

    Slightly, she recalled the event that led her to this.
    Shouldn't that first word be slowly? And, wouldn't it be events, plural?

    Although, there wasn't much space for there were many beds and dressers at each one.
    That kinda doesn't make grammatical sense. Maybe,
    'Although there wasn't much space, there were many beds, and dressers at each one.'
    Or something like it.

    Viola played it with little skill,
    That seems off. If she played it with little skill, why does it sound good? Maybe 'a little skill'.

    She spun around andbeheld
    You need a space between 'and' and 'beheld'.

    Last edited by Lix Lorn; 2010-07-13 at 06:51 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  11. - Top - End - #131
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    That's definetly a good start, thanks Lix. Although, I think its just 'event' because only one thing happened that got her into the academy in the first place.

    Okay, first part edited. Also, it is 'with little skill' that she plays the instument. She just happened to be able to produce a good sound regardless of the lack of skill she had.
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2010-07-13 at 07:18 PM.
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    Glad I could help, and fair points.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  13. - Top - End - #133
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    Just need to do the other parts now...
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    Ugggggg.... Spell checking is boring when you don't know where to look for it...

    Anyways, as a break I'll start writing out the next part soon. I think you guys deserve an explaination for what happened after the fight.
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    Paladin Academy: Part 22
    -Cast-
    Nil
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    Viola was completely at peace. She felt weightless as she laid on something soft. She didn't know where she was or how she got there, but at the moment she didn't really care. It felt wonderful to just rest.

    "It's hard to grasp everything that had just happened, especially Grim being defeated."

    "It is indeed. This is his first defeat in years and his first defeat in real combat. Who would've guessed it would be to her that he had lost to. I doubt even Kujos would have bet on that."

    "Especially since she is still rather new to the academy. I didn't see her powers in action, but Kurama explained to me that she did some truly spectacular things with her crystal."

    "I myself was most suprised at what was happening. I actually forgot about absorbing light to recover for a moment while I was watching them at it. I must say, she was fighting at a completely different level than any of the other paladins."

    Viola listened to the conversation, but not comprehending any of it. Her mind was too at ease.

    "So, how is Grim taking captivity?"

    "For the moment... Unusually quiet. Though that may be because I managed to take his crystal from out of his sword. It's locked all the way in my office, well away from the cells, so he may be experiencing the side-effect of being cut off from the crystal."

    "So... what's he like without his crystal? I always wondered what would happen if we were separated from them."

    "Well, it doesn't please me on finding out with the circumstances. But as for your question, it's pretty bad. He is sitting in a vegetative state, staring at the opposite wall in front of him. He's not moving at all and at times I can swear he stops breathing. Blue had probed his mind and finds it entirely blank and devoid of thought. He has been able to see his memories however, but it will take a while to view all the ones he had when he left here."

    Viola hears a sigh and someone shift position.
    "And what of her? What can Blue tell us about her state? She's been out for almost a day now. Any longer and we should really get her out of her armor. Even though it's designed for comfort, we can't leave her in it."

    "I know, I know. Blue says that she is just recovering from the ordeal. And he also confirms that it has happened to both her as well as Grim. I certainly never expected that."

    "To think that they both completely unlocked their crystals. To understand what the crystal is saying to you. I really wish I could understand it."

    "It truly is a wonderful thing to experience. Anyways, how are you feeling? You recovered yet?"

    "Almost. Kurama was the most severely hurt. If it wasn't for the make-shift bandage, he probably would've bled out. That would have most certainly have punched a hole through Grim's insistence of non-vital spots only boast. Grim's wounds also were a lot harder to heal than normal wounds. So it takes more out of me to heal them all."

    At the mention of Kurama's name and the prospect that he was hurt, Viola's mind started working. She quickly recovered feeling to her arms and legs and slowly began to stir. A familiar voice called out to her.
    "Vi-Viola? Are you awake?"

    Viola opened her eyes slowly, temporarily blinded. Quickly though, her eyes adjusted and saw that she was in her own room. Kurama was sitting in a chair close by as she was laying down on her bed. In the background, Mordokai and Nil were turning to look at her. Her attention however was focused on Kurama.
    "Kurama?... Wh-What happened?"

    She made to sit up, but Kurama hurriedly pushed her back down.
    "Don't try to get up yet. How are you feeling?"

    "Okay at the moment..."
    Suddenly, she recalled that she was fighting Grim. She nearly bolted upright had it not had been for Kurama holding her down.
    "Grim! Where is he?! What happened?!"

    Nil and Mordokai walked over to them.
    "It's okay, Viola. Grim is taken care of. No need to get excited."

    "But what happened? All I remember is he shifted suddenly and I lost my grip on him."

    Mordokai spoke up.
    "That was my doing Viola. While you were holding him down, I managed to bend the light around him and captured him. Anyways, how you held him down was very interesting. I know Rabbit didn't teach you, so how did develop something like that?"

    "I..."
    She looked down.
    "I sort of developed it on my own. I just thought of doing it since I knew I wouldn't have been able to kill him with his crystal's power."

    Mordokai nodded.
    "That power of his is what has made him so successful at missions. While it is indeed powerful, we believe that if you were to cause a wound that would kill him instantly, then the power would not be able to save him. Decapitating him or stabbing him through the heart probably would've done the trick."
    Viola nodded.
    "Anyways, we better get going Nil. We still have to heal the others and see if Blue has developed anything new."

    The two men turned and left out the door, closing it behind them with a snap. Kurama watched them go before turning back to her.
    "I can't believe it. I'm so jealous of you."

    Viola looked back at him with concern.
    "What?"

    "What?! What!! You unlocked your crystal, that's what! Didn't I tell you that I always wanted to be the next one to do that? And now you've done it before me."

    Viola blinked.
    "I have?"
    She looked over at her crystal which was resting next to her on her nightstand. The crystal however was glowing brighter and had a swirling pattern of different hues of purple swimming around in it.

    "Yeah, you have. I've been trying forever to do it. So anyways, what's the feeling? What's the sense of honor that caused you to unlock it?"

    Viola raised an eyebrow in confusion.
    "What are you talking about?"

    "Mordokai said that he unlocked his crystal when he realized a certain feeling of honor. The moment he made the connection of what true honor feels like, that's when his crystal unlocked for him."

    Viola shook her head.
    "I wasn't feeling any sense of honor, just the need to do the protecting for once. I realized I had to be the one who protected others and not rely on others to protect me."

    Kurama stared back at her.
    "Really? That doesn't sound like how Mordokai unlocked his."
    They both looked at her crystal for several minutes.
    "Anyways, what are you going to call it?"

    "Call what?"

    "Your ultimate move. When you shattered the air in front of you like it was glass. It was amazing!"

    Viola thought back to when she felt the resistance break. How it did seem like she shattered the air. She thought about it for a few moments before looking up at Kurama with a smile.
    "How about... 'Shattering Shockwave'?"
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2012-10-23 at 05:18 PM.
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  16. - Top - End - #136
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    Epic wins, as always! ^_^
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanqol View Post
    It's like the feng shui version of an orbital death laser.

  17. - Top - End - #137
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    I was mentioned! YAY!

    We need to invent a new word to describe this, because I don't think epic is cutting it anymore.
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    Aye, 'tis beautiful.

    Though 'Sonic Boom' was not what I would have chosen for Viola's signature move.

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  19. - Top - End - #139
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    I'm not sure about the name "Sonic Boom" but the rest of this chapter was pretty good.
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  20. - Top - End - #140
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    I started reading the story, and liked it. Could I have a character? Sorry if I copy anyone's ideas here (I don't know, not enough time to read all of the posts yet), but...
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    Could I have a character named Darkin, who is a non-evil necromancer? Not good, but helps the Academy (or the protagonist) in discreet ways from time to time. Like, creating a mysterious pamphlet of information on someone in the underground that the Academy is hunting, or whatever (Still have yet to read everything), but basically just helps the protagonists. Possibly aids in less discreet ways, like, for example, taking out a goon squad, or even directly aiding the main protagonists (but this would be a rare (but hopefully awesome) occurrence). Basic backstory is that he was recruited by an organization of antipaladins, and got an antipaladin crystal of Necromancy. And shadows. The ultimate technique (if he deserves it in the course of the story) would be a solid wall of black shadows, that causes the corpses around it to gather around it in a vortex, eventually creating an undead collosus. As of now, however, he can only maintain control of a few corpses at a time, and they emanate shadow from their bodies, it following them like a dark cloud. He only reluctantly helps the paladins. He is a kind of fallen antipaladin, who still uses his antipaladin powers for the greater good. But, as of now, refuses to lose his antipaladin powers. Possibly, as a plot twist, he could actually develop a kind of 'twilight crystal', a merging of a paladin crystal and an antipaladin crystal.


    If this is too invasive of the plot line (Sorry, have yet to read the whole thing, but like what I read so far), or for whatever reason, like you don't like the background, I understand. Still would like to see an occasional occurrence by him, though.
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  21. - Top - End - #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Ghost View Post
    Aye, 'tis beautiful.

    Though 'Sonic Boom' was not what I would have chosen for Viola's signature move.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bisected8 View Post
    I'm not sure about the name "Sonic Boom" but the rest of this chapter was pretty good.
    Well by all means, if you have a better and cooler name for it, then say it. Don't keep it to yourself. I may just edit the story and put it in.

    @DMofDarkness: I'm sorry. But that character idea doesn't really fit the storyline. However, it could be salvagable for a later story arc. I have this story lasting for atleast 5 story arcs and it does seem that I could modify it to fit in #4 or #5.
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    Ok. I'm fine with that.
    (How long does a story arc usually last?)
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  23. - Top - End - #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by DMofDarkness View Post
    Ok. I'm fine with that.
    (How long does a story arc usually last?)
    Hard to tell...

    But I believe it's about half way at this point through arc 1. So I guess maybe between 40-50 parts per story arc.
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    Hm... 22 parts in 1.5 months averages around 14/month. An arc is around 50, so every 3 months, an arc is finished... meaning that in around a year or so, he finally gets in. ... this stinks. And if the rate of posting is decreased during the non-summer months, my character might not get in until next Christmas. Well, at least he gets in.
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  25. - Top - End - #145
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Uhhh...

    I just want to mention that this story actually started back when the shipping thread was still opened so most of the earlier parts were from there. on average, I've been post one or 2 parts every weekend with the current schedule that I have. When the non-summer months come around, the updates may increase with more access to internet or free time, or they may slow down with me in withdrawl from being away from my precious video games for so long. I guess we won't know until we come to that bridge on how long it will take to cross it.

    Anyways, I'm still waiting for the better name of Viola's ultimate move Blue and Bis.
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  26. - Top - End - #146
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    This... uh... does not help. Story arc 4 would probably take place in part number 180, then. And, assuming an average of 2 posts per weekend, then it would be around 1.5 years before that occurs. If it was upped (from the non-summer months) to 3/weekend, then it would be about 60 weeks, which averages to around a year. Meh. Good enough. It'll happen, and I'll still have the lack of life I have now then. I can wait.

    Ideas for referencing my character in the plot without actually making him an actual character (yet):
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    Maybe some anonymous note that furthers the plot could be signed '-D'.
    Maybe rumors of a 'counter darkness', somewhere in later plotlines, that combat the main antagonist.
    More ideas to come when more ideas come.
    There are always small ways to include a character that has no main place in the plot until 5 story arcs later. Hopefully, something of this kind could be included. Before next year.
    Sorry if this seems like I'm trying to muscle my way into the plot. Just... bored, and it seems like it would be nice to be included in a plot. Even if only mentioned anonymously in passing. :smallexcluded:

    And sorry if I'm trying to change a story arc/plot set in stone. I'm like that.
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Well by all means, if you have a better and cooler name for it, then say it. Don't keep it to yourself. I may just edit the story and put it in.
    Well I was thinking something along the lines of "Sonerous Blow" or "Acoustic Blast". Maybe, if you want something fancy "Salvus Sonitus" (literally meaning "unharmed sound" in latin or to put it another way "sound sound").

    My real issues with the name Sonic Boom is partly that the attack probably isn't one (they're caused by objects moving faster than sound, they also make a distinctive cracking sound and probably don't look like their air shattering) and its kind of generic.
    Hi, I'm back, I guess. ^_^
    I cosplay and stream LPs of single player games on Twitch! Mon, Wed & Fri; currently playing: Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Mon/Wed) and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 2: Justice For All (Fri)

  28. - Top - End - #148
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    In your nightmares!!!
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    How about "Shattering Song"?
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    Antivian Qualinyr in [4E] Keep on the Shadowfell

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  29. - Top - End - #149
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Griffon

    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    UK

    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    Ooooo separated from his crystal, interested to see how that will affect a paladin!

  30. - Top - End - #150
    Titan in the Playground
     
    PersonMan's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Duitsland
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    Default Re: Paladin Academy: A Playground Inspired Story

    I'm thinking Shatter Strike for the attack.

    Also, if there's room for another villain(or villain-esque person), I'd like a caster, Scarge, to be joining them. He could be a preset villainous contact, or have infiltrated the Order, or whatever. He'd probably focus on buffing his allies, so Grim can come back again with a Power Level of >9000!


    ...If it fits with the plot, of course. I get the feeling that Team Evil is growing.
    Not Person_Man, don't thank me for things he did.

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