Lines needed.

[TripperdeCleric]

Hi, My name is Veetle Van Vickle. I know my parents had a sick sense of humor. But its what we Gnomes do best. I am a 78 year old tinker gnome as the humans refer to us. Ive been practicing the art of Artifice for years. Im trying to find some witty and funny lines to tell my fellows in this upcoming adventure. Might you be able to help someone who is a tad short on things?


Level 10 Tinker Gnome Scrollificer (5 Artificer/5 Unbound Scroll)


Best so far:

"I have a good feeling about this. Tell the medics to bring a spatula."

"This scroll contains the unbridled fury of Hell on a Friday afternoon. Lucky for us I sealed it with some wax."

"Inside this envelope is a page of explosive runes. I set them so that one of us can look at them safely. I forget which one of us it is, but don't worry, I wrote it down. It's.... inside this envelope."

"Could you fellows hold that aberration down for a few minutes? I want to get a sketch of this."

(to any non-caster who does something cool) "Good show! I have that same scroll here somewhere."


"With great power comes great responsibility....but i guess mine is arriving late."

"Don't think of it as an army, think of it as a large collection of targets." when facing an army.

"Dreams are like scrolls, they tear so easily"

"The future is like a blank scroll, it is yours to be written!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! Oh, that's just my awesomeness, never mind"

*after using a scroll that worked really well" "Dang, I grabbed the wrong one!"

[Caliphbubba]

"$@*% On, Conscious Off and everything is going to be all right."

shamlessly ripped off of season 3 Premier of True Blood

[TripperdeCleric]

Heh, Ill keep the top lines on the first post.

[Gnaritas]

"If it ain't broke, I'll break it. If it is broke, I'll fix it."

"With great power comes great responsibility....but i guess mine is arriving late."

"Don't think of it as an army, think of it as a large collection of targets." when facing an army.

[Another_Poet]

"I have a good feeling about this. Tell the medics to bring a spatula."

"This scroll contains the unbridled fury of Hell on a Friday afternoon. Lucky for us I sealed it with some wax."

"Inside this envelope is a page of explosive runes. I set them so that one of us can look at them safely. I forget which one of us it is, but don't worry, I wrote it down. It's.... inside this envelope."

"Could you fellows hold that aberration down for a few minutes? I want to get a sketch of this."

(to dead corpse of defeated enemy) "Do you mind if I use your real name when I write my memoirs?"

(to any non-caster who does something cool) "Good show! I have that same scroll here somewhere."

(to any party member who has had a loss or setback, in an effort to cheer them up) "Scroll?" (offer them one)

(when at the writing desk) "Ah, paper... lighter than wool and as strong as steel."

That's all I've got :)

[TripperdeCleric]

Very nice. I really do like some of those.

[Gnaritas]

"Dreams are like scrolls, they tear so easily"

"Trust is like a scroll, ready to be crumbled once used"

"The future is like a blank scroll, it is yours to be written!"

[TripperdeCleric]

Updated list:


Keep it up hehe.

[Radar]

"Hold on, let me check my notes."
or "I got it written down somewhere."

"Pen is sharper then a sword. A sword is just one pointy thing, a pen can make you a scroll of Blade Barrier."

"Do as I say, or i'll say the magic word and it won't be please."

If you get some method of getting 4th level scrolls cheap or find a lower level version somewhere:
"I spy with my little Arcane Eye..."

[Set]

"I scribed you a spell. Let me read you it."

<allows villain to monologue a bit.> "I'm sorry, I'm stone deaf, because of a thing with a fireball. Long story. But it looked very interesting. Could you write that down?"

"In language, we give definition to reality, limiting and restricting it's expression. With writing, we capture ideas, and seal them away. What was your name, again?"

"Mere writing? This line I draw in the sand can stop a Balor. Can your sword do the same?"

"Language is precious. You sully the gift of words with your tongue." <uses scroll or item of silence>

<gestures to underling or homonculous holding pen and parchment> "My man here is chronicling our exploits. Do you want to be remembered as 'The Lich-King Malvolius' or the 'Malvolius, King of Liches?' There has been some confusion on that point."

"If all else fails, rewrite the history to make it sound like you succeeded."

<shoots foe with fancy ostrich-feather-tipped wand of scorching ray> "The pen is mightier than the sword, especially when it's not really a pen..."

"Please do not interrupt me, if I do not chronicle this, my grandchildren will wonder if I made this part up. I will not have my legacy called into question because of incomplete or slovenly memoirs!"

[Eloi]

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Oh...you wanted lines for your character. Hm...

"I'm like a fireball. Bright, hot, and trying to kill you."

Yay puns.

[Another_Poet]

I would augment this one:

"The future is like a blank scroll, it is yours to be written. And mine to command!"

[gbprime]

Look around you, and what do you see? Life. Everywhere. Some of it is made of wood. Some of it is tastier than that, some decidedly less so. But all of it has certain things in common... it wants to STAY alive, and it wants to avoid my mother-in-law's strudel. The two, i am thinking, may be related.

Barbarians. I swear. Polite society teaches one to cringe at the sight of electrodes.

Did I ever tell you the one about the blue owlbear who... oh. I guess I did. Well what if I made the owlbear red this time?

Well it's a good thing we don't have the 5000 gp diamond right now. Gives me time to word up a suitable apology.

- Fergus Kneeb, Wizard at Large

[Caliphbubba]

" Watch out or I'm totally going to chew you a new one in my Livejournal journal."

[Stompy]

"Learning is fun, 'cause knowledge is power!"

"Meh, fortune favors the bold, ya know." *pushes shiny button*

*pull out random gear (say a hamster, a shovel, and three random scrolls)* "I have a plan..."

"They say that violence can't solve every problem, so that's why I use enchantment too."

"It ain't proper evocation if they don't light up like the festival of lights first."

"I knew a [NPC's name] once. I think I blasted him(/her) when he(/she) got in my way."

*bad plan* "Only good things can come out of this."

And my favorite from FfH2:

"There are ways to tell the difference between a sheep and a man who has been polymorphed into one. The latter will know great fear and curiosity, and will not hang around it's own kind. They both taste the same however."

[Ubercaledor]

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Oh...you wanted lines for your character. Hm...

"I'm like a fireball. Bright, hot, and trying to kill you."

Yay puns.

thats TERRIBLE, Eloi

"Hey- check it out! I wrote explosive runes that only I can read"... a few seconds later, "hmm, would you look at that... Guess I'll have to work on it further."

*sniff sniff* "I love the smell of parchment in the morning, it smells like victory"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! Oh, that's just my awesomeness, never mind"

ticking things off on his fingers, "Hmm... I've already killed a human with each of my basic spells... I guess I'll have to get creative."

"Strap yourselves in, boys, because I have NO IDEA what this does!"

[Curmudgeon]

I know you think I'll have to pry that (<precious whatever>) out of your cold, dead, hands (and we could go that way), but -- hey, look! I've got it already, and your hands are still warm. Feel like keeping them that way?

[TripperdeCleric]

Updated.

Keep it going..liking the basic ones..that dont involve battle...but do need a tid bit more battle ones.

[Traveler]

*after using a scroll that worked really well" "Dang, I grabbed the wrong one!"

[TripperdeCleric]

Added. Good line.

[Asheram]

For Science!