Magic Deck of Cards

[Jergmo]

So, I was reading over a thread about the Deck of Many Things and I remembered a magic deck of cards that I created as one of my many "useless" magic items. However, now I want to create a magic deck of cards that's actually useful, so I turn to the Playground for help! I've been working to assign different attributes to different cards, but I could use some help.

This is what I have thus far:

If any regular card of the following types are drawn:
Spades: ?? Perhaps Status or Augury, based on one of the Idiom meanings.
Hearts: Possessor of the card gains the benefits of the False Life spell.
Diamonds: Possessor of the card gains the benefits of the Barkskin spell.
Clubs: Possessor of the card summons a Spiritual Weapon in the form of a club.

Kings: ??
Queens: ??
Jacks: ??

Joker: Possessor of the card is affected by the Hideous Laughter spell (no save.)

Trying to stick with 2nd level spells for the time being. Determining the price also seems a bit difficult, unless I handwave it as a Lesser Artifact. I thought I'd have it so each card only works, say, once per week and once all the cards are spent, they must be shuffled to recharge.

[woodenbandman]

needs a way to be weaponized.

[Jergmo]

needs a way to be weaponized.

Well, there's the Spiritual Weapon one, thus far.