Plot line poem

[Breaw]

Edited for horrible typos:(dessert =/= desert, thrown =/= throne)

Back story: I'll be running a campaign (not sure whether it will be in 4e or E6, but that's neither here nor there) and I am planning on having a well known childrens song be the main driving force behind the campaign.

In the distant history of the setting a great hero (Andras) defeated the father of all Vampires (Vectus), heralding a new time of peace and prosperity. So much so that the year is currently recorded in terms of A.V. (After Vectus) the countries (Andrasin) currency has the profile of Andras (the countries first king) on one side. However, we're now at 960 A.V. and most of his accomplishments and steeped in legend; fact indistinguishable from fiction.

Along some plot line the adventurers will find (and maybe rescue) a scholar type who has found some original writings of Andras. Here is my first crack at them (spoiler for length):

Spoiler

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In a time of need
someone shall heed
the desperate cry of the nation.
So heed this rhyme
and you will find
a tool to aid your mission.

Although he was banished
I never managed
to slay whome I assailed.
So I forged a blade
specifically made
to succeed where I had failed.

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

Dry desert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants throne,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Seek out the map
to find my trap
shining in the sun.
Bind him in Oath
then smash them both
And he will be undone.

In this poem are clues for finding four locations that will all hold sections of a map to a blade of awesome "Andras' Oath". Which can be used to destroy the BBEG of the setting who the players will probably not even meet for a damned long time.

What I would love from you:

1) Tell me what you glean from the four location stanzas. What would you expect from the location it is describing?

2) I also intend to have much of the poem re written into common children songs that have been twisted from years of verbal communication. Here are some reworded stanzas that I have worked out:

Spoiler

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In a time of need
Andras did heed
the desperate cry of the nation.
So give a cheer-o
for our great hero
who's risen to his station.

A dragons lair
A maiden fair
A purple painted turtle
Fulfill your vows
See to the cows
Before the milk should curdle

Anyone with any fun re-writes for other verses or someone more poetically minded than myself who sees a better way for something to be written will be awarded one internet.

Thanks,

-Breaw

[KillianHawkeye]

Tell me what you glean from the four location stanzas. What would you expect from the location it is describing?

Okay.

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

I'm imagining a dark cave, the lair of an ancient and famous dragon, which is located by a lake that is marked by an enormous statue of a fair lady upon a tall pedestal. The cave also contains a river that feeds into the lake. The map piece is in a chest inside a secret area that lies hidden behind a waterfall.

Dry dessert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

I'm picturing some kind of upside down dungeon in the desert, accessed by magically entering a horizontal mirror.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

A living forest which moves around during the daytime, obscuring the treasure that it protects. At night, it's possible to locate, but there is noxious poison and illusions guarding its resting place.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants thrown,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Some type of really high place? For some reason, it's difficult or near impossible to fly there. I can't think of any good metaphors for "ghost."

[Vaynor]

1) Tell me what you glean from the four location stanzas. What would you expect from the location it is describing?

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

Ok so it's near some sort of large mountain or cave (gotta be large for a dragon) near either a Rapunzel-esque tower or a statue like Killian said. To me the thirst part doesn't seem to indicate water but need, although the shower part indicates that the area will be dirty/grimy (near a swamp?) or there will be lots of water nearby in which to shower in (most likely a waterfall).

Dry dessert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

What kind of desserts emanate dry air? I think you mean "desert". Remember, the sweet, after-dinner snack is spelled with two S's because you always want another! Moving on. Yeah, so it's in a desert, some sort of glass/water/mirror on the water that reflects the sky, and you need to enter through the mirror-like surface to get through.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

This one is a bit more ambiguous, as this could be in pretty much any forest. You can only see it by moonlight, presumably, and it's near a fetid pond/lake/swamp/body of water/other liquid. Look out for forests that contain swamps or have swamps near them. Not is all as it seems, so look out for illusions.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants thrown,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Well that's blunt. Go east. Find cliffs or rocky shorelines. The "A giants thrown" line doesn't make much sense to me, is "giants" supposed to be possessive/a contraction? The giant thing seems to suggest a thrown rock, and you can't walk there easily ("wish you'd flown") so it's probably an island off the coast, most likely very rocky. The last line seems like absolute gibberish to me.

[waterpenguin43]

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

Hm... Well, cliche has it that the maiden and dragon are at the end of the cave, so near the end of some kind of dry cave. You'll find the map at the end, behind a waterfall.
Or it could be inside the stomach of an enormous dragon that ate a queen, and you need to wash the acid off in a clean patch of water.

Dry dessert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

Odd... Maybe an oasis that you have to dive into to get the next piece?

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

Hm... Maybe some kind of illusion in a forest? I have no idea.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants thrown,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Some kind of air elemental? Or some sort of phantom with wind powers that surrounds a seaside cliff? Oh, and in the east, of course.


1) Tell me what you glean from the four location stanzas. What would you expect from the location it is describing?

2) I also intend to have much of the poem re written into common children songs that have been twisted from years of verbal communication.

Anyone with any fun re-writes for other verses or someone more poetically minded than myself who sees a better way for something to be written will be awarded one internet.

Thanks,

-Breaw

In bold are my answers for what the stanzas might mean in my opinion.

As for how to wright them, try and make it less "this is how you get to the pieces" and more "this is what a mystical place looks like".

[Yucca]

I'm not sure how well I can try to understand your clues, since anyhting like this will probably rely a lot on setting specific fluff and backstory. But here are my first thoughts:

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

A dragon's lair that is near a waterfall. Not hitting on the maiden/tower clue, unless it refers to either an actual tower with some setting specific backstory, or maybe mountains. The dragon could either be a good dragon that agreed to safeguard the piece, or it could be an evil dragon that was tricked into adding the piece to its hoard.

Dry dessert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

Pretty easy. A desert oasis. I would look into the water on a clear day to see the reflection of the sky at my feet. Non-aquatic PCs fighting aquatic creatures is always a difficult fight. A locked vault at the bottom of the oasis where the other PCs have to cover the rogue who's trying to open it.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

A dryad near a swamp? No fey that is only active by day comes to mind. Some fey with natural illusion abilities? Pools of blight could be an old battlefield where the land was poisoned (Think LotR) Or any other backsotry appropriate poisoned land. No "normal" terrain features come to mind that are naturally "blighted". Green dragons in the area can change that, as can any other variety of evil forest monster. Swamps, fens, etc still have a lot of stuff growing in them. A fey creature with druid levels could be a cool guardian.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants thrown,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Do you mean "A giants throne"? A tall coastal cliff. Maybe with one section abruptly jutting much taller than the others. Ghostly flying creatures guard it, but they only attack other flying things, they'll leave anyone who is just climbing alone.

[Gray Mage]

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

I would say in a cave behind a waterfall,which is inhabited by a dragon?No idea of the maiden bit, perhaps is the name of the lake or something.

Dry dessert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

In a dungeon beneath an oasis in a desert, an oasis is the only thing I relate to a desert that reflects the sky.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

In a forest, protected by some sort of illusion("don't belive your eyes") that is negated by the moon light? Near a part of the forest that is sick ("blight").

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants thrown,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Well, this one is quite difficult IMO, so my guess will be a little crazy. In the east(of course) a kind of flying place (wish you'd flown).Not sure about ghosts.

Did I get one of them right?

[ToySoldierCPlus]

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

I'm thinking it's in the tower of some maiden who was captured by a dragon. Obviously it's in a dragon's lair, but the maiden's tower part is potentially confusing. Perhaps the map piece is encased in a famous statue that was stolen by the dragon.

Dry desert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

I'm going to agree with the people who suggested an oasis or desert lake. You could do a dungeon, but you could also get away with the desert itself being the dungeon, and the map fragment being hidden in a chest or other container at the bottom of the lake.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

I'm going with a "fey forest", that is, a magically-altered forest, probably watched over by some powerful fey or elemental creature. During the day, the forest is cloaked by illusions of some kind, making it treacherous to navigate, and impossible to locate anything within it. At night, the illusions die down, but are replaced by some sort of poison gas in certain areas. The map fragment is in one of these pools.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants throne,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Rocky coastline on the eastern edge of the kingdom or continent, the map fragment is likely in the possession of a cloud giant, who rules that area. The giant's lair is guarded by some form of bound undead, a powerful ghost or wraith, which is alerted to the approach of anyone who tries to reach the lair by flying. Ergo, one can climb up to the lair, and not trigger the ghost guardian thing.

[Another_Poet]

In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

I assume the "maiden" is a geographical feature and that if we don't wash ourselves (ritual purification?) something terrible will happen.

Dry desert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

I am guessing there is a place in the desert where the sand has been molten into glass.

The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

So the place looks horrid at night but it's an illusion. In the day it looks safe but that is when the guardian is out.

Also I am used to thinking of "fey" as plural (it can be singular or plural, but you don't usually think of a solitary pixie) but the grammar hear implies a single fey guarding the place. Dryads are often solitary but they are only "fey" in the D&D rulebook; they are not fey in legend or myth. So if this is a hint to a dryad guardian it kind of requires metagaming to make that connexion.

The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants throne,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

This one makes no sense to me except that I should go to the eastern coast and look for a rock formation that looks like a giant throne. I am guessing "climbing ducks the ghost" means you get attacked by a ghost if you fly but not if you climb. But that sentence is a little obscure. I'm not sure a lot of people would parse it right.

Seek out the map

As a player, once I figure out these four places will give us parts of a map, I'm kind of done with this quest. If they gave us the actual parts of the sword then I would have to go get them. But I'm not traveling all over the world looking for a map. That is what divination is for. A few weeks of spell research for the party wizard and we should be able to go directly to the sword without doing the map quest.

to find my trap
shining in the sun.

This confuses me a lot. I thought we wanted a sword and then I found out we wanted a map. However there is one thing I never want to go looking for and that is a trap. Also if the trap shines in the sun then it seems like it would not be a very well disguised trap. Knowing that our foe is a vampire lord I can infer that maybe the trap is meant to damage it with sunlight which starts to make me worry that the trap is actually located inside the sun rather than simply shining when it catches the sunlight.

In any case these two lines are more scary than helpful.

Bind him in Oath

I have to assume this is a clue to the nature of the vampire trap, but it makes no sense to me.

then smash them both

Smash the vampire and what? The trap? The sword? The map? I don't like having 3 priceless treasures and having to guess which one needs to be smashed.

I do really like the idea of the poem and especially having it distorted into children's songs. One thing that I wonder (it always seems hard for me to believe) is why he would leave a poem describing how to kill the vampire. I mean he obviously made the tools needed (sword, trap) to kill it and knew where to find it. As a great hero why didn't he just use the tools to slay it? Why make a map and leave it for someone else to get the glory?

Also if he did have a reason to leave it for someone else, why a riddle poem? Either make it public knowledge so everyone knows how to rid the land of the vampire or, if it has to be secret, don't give away hints that anyone with Int 13 can decipher.

That always nags at my mind with this kind of thing. It's largely because of the tone - the riddle is always written in the second person, instructing the PCs how to do something, which makes me wonder at the motivation.

An easy fix for that would be to write it in the first person, meant more as a memoir (either boasting his own success or bemoaning his own failure). People like to record their deeds and it does not beg a motive. Everyone understand the motive for recording your life accomplishments, it's the hope you won't be forgotten. Here is an example:

Spoiler

Show

In a time of need
I endeavoured to heed
the desperate cry of the nation.
One fight I won
But my work is not done
Without the sword of salvation.

Although he was banished
I never managed
to slay whom I assailed.
So I sought a blade
That legend said
Would succeed where I had failed.

In dragon's lair,
near maiden fair,
up on her lofty tower
I first of the signs
I managed to find
But woe I did not shower!

That way instead of him making the sword and not using it (douche!) he sought the sword and never managed to get it, but the PCs can find the same clues he found and hope to do better.

Then again that stuff may not bother other people as much as it bothers me.

ap

[Breaw]

Thanks for everyone that has responded so far. I appreciate the input. There certainly is no 'right answers' considering the setting is going to be largely defined by how I decide to make the various locations hide the components of the map (and then build a world around them). But here are the locations as I envisioned them:

1)In dragons lair
near maiden fair
up on her lofty tower
you'll find the first
of which you thirst.
Just don't forget to shower!

Spoiler

Show

The main hint is the dragons cave, but which dragons cave? I envision not too far from one cave is an old wizards tower with a statue of a women looking east on the roof. At the time of the adventure the tower will have crumbled in disrepair and the statue will likely have collapsed into the upper level of the tower. Further investigation of this site could be a small adventure in itself.

Anyway, the shower bit was initially just intended to hint at a trap that can be avoided by walking through a waterfall rather than taking the more obvious road.

2)Dry desert air
combs through your hair
as you stare at your reflection.
Sky at your feet
into the deep
You'll find another section.

Spoiler

Show

Most of you guys got it exactly as I had envisioned. One particularly pristine, clear pool of water with either a chest at the bottom or an entrance to a cave. Again, not sure how I'll run that one.

3)The forest fey
by light of day
shields your hidden prize.
Search by night
near pools of blight,
don't believe your eyes.

Spoiler

Show

The thought on this one was just a forest known for having fey creatures in it (pixies most likely) that is magically protected by day. Think confusion for a forest. By night you can move around and find a site of an ancient battle where the land was permanently scarred. A magically hidden entrance to a sneaky place will lead you to the map.

4)The final piece
is in the east.
along the rocky coast.
A giants throne,
you'll wish you'd flown.
But climbing ducks the ghost.

Spoiler

Show

My plan for this one was a huge 2 level coastal cliff that looks like a chair when viewed from the right angle. It will be the roosting spot for many nasties. Not exactly sure what the 'ghost' will be but I was originally picturing sort of an albino pterodactyl.

I do really like the idea of the poem and especially having it distorted into children's songs. One thing that I wonder (it always seems hard for me to believe) is why he would leave a poem describing how to kill the vampire. I mean he obviously made the tools needed (sword, trap) to kill it and knew where to find it. As a great hero why didn't he just use the tools to slay it? Why make a map and leave it for someone else to get the glory?

Also if he did have a reason to leave it for someone else, why a riddle poem? Either make it public knowledge so everyone knows how to rid the land of the vampire or, if it has to be secret, don't give away hints that anyone with Int 13 can decipher.

That always nags at my mind with this kind of thing. It's largely because of the tone - the riddle is always written in the second person, instructing the PCs how to do something, which makes me wonder at the motivation.

An easy fix for that would be to write it in the first person, meant more as a memoir (either boasting his own success or bemoaning his own failure). People like to record their deeds and it does not beg a motive. Everyone understand the motive for recording your life accomplishments, it's the hope you won't be forgotten. Here is an example:

As to my motivations, here's the story as I see it. When Andras faced off against Vectus he was unable to destroy him (think lich, but without the need of a phylactery), but instead banished back to some deep dark place for a long time. However, knowing that someday he would likely return, he forged a blade that could kill him. Andras Oath works like this: You deal a killing blow to the demon (it'll be a pretty impressive demon killing dagger? sword? not sure...) and the blade traps the demon soul within itself. Destroying the blade afterwords will also destroy the demon.

Much of this knowledge will be aquireable with impressive lore checks or by asking the right sort of people.

So he then wrote a song and made sure it was sung by the masses (omitting the second and the last stanza so it wasn't totally obvious what he was writing about) in hopes that the knowledge will survive long enough to be useful. His hope was that in obscurity the blade would be safe until it was needed. It's terribly corny, but it seems to me that it will suffice.

The real edge that the party will have is that they will encounter the initial text, which will include the non time-degraded verses, even the ones he never made public.