The worst character idea a player has ever shown you

[FMArthur]

I just had a conversation with one of my players who wanted to build a fighter TWFing with two large wands using Monkey Grip and Double Wand Wielder, and the Wandstrike feat to attack people. He then asked me if I was all right because apparently my eyes went out of focus and I had to grab onto a railing on the walkway. I have never heard a dumber idea for a character in my life - and this guy was completely serious (he's known for being very... strange).

So hit me, GitP, what's the worst character idea you've ever had pitched your way by a real player?

[Satyr]

I have quite a collection, mostly from playing with people who try to cultivate a horrible taste from time to time. I have two I have in particular "fond" memory. The lamest character, and the one that creeped me out.

Sub-Zero. In a Shadowrun game. Yes, literally the character from Mortal combat, written up as a Ki Adept.

Dr. Mary. A surgeon in a post-apocalyptic setting and a self-made transsexual. Yes, he cut of his own genitalia and refered to himself as Mary d; and because self-mutilating doctors are not scary enough, he was also a sadist and sung (the player sung as well, and he really could; making it much more unconfortable when you're hearing Goodbye Horses or Helena). The character wasn't bad per se, but had certain issues.

[Starfols]

A dwarf monk with:

15 str
12 dex
18 con
8 int
12 wis
16 cha

and his feat was dodge.

[SuperCracker]

In a nWoD Vampire game: "I want to be a blind blacksmith.... vampire."

First problem: BLIND BLACKSMITH. Working with heated metal, fire, and hammers... and you can't see what you're doing.

Second problem: Vampire: working next to fire.... constantly.

In a 3.0 D&D Game: "I want to play a troll." This was in a party that (for in game reasons) HATED trolls. Yes, the party killed him (finished off with the sorcerer's fireball).

[FMArthur]

I have quite a collection, mostly from playing with people who try to cultivate a horrible taste from time to time. I have two I have in particular "fond" memory. The lamest character, and the one that creeped me out.

Sub-Zero. In a Shadowrun game. Yes, literally the character from Mortal combat, written up as a Ki Adept.

Dr. Mary. A surgeon in a post-apocalyptic setting and a self-made transsexual. Yes, he cut of his own genitalia and refered to himself as Mary d; and because self-mutilating doctors are not scary enough, he was also a sadist and sung (the player sung as well, and he really could; making it much more unconfortable when you're hearing Goodbye Horses or Helena). The character wasn't bad per se, but had certain issues.

That is quite unsettling. And a little too open to psychoanalysis...

Fortunately the only players I've had who made roleplaying SERIOUS BUSINESS were very good at making characters that fit the play environment and were quite creative.

[WarKitty]

I have quite a collection, mostly from playing with people who try to cultivate a horrible taste from time to time. I have two I have in particular "fond" memory. The lamest character, and the one that creeped me out.

Sub-Zero. In a Shadowrun game. Yes, literally the character from Mortal combat, written up as a Ki Adept.

Dr. Mary. A surgeon in a post-apocalyptic setting and a self-made transsexual. Yes, he cut of his own genitalia and refered to himself as Mary d; and because self-mutilating doctors are not scary enough, he was also a sadist and sung (the player sung as well, and he really could; making it much more unconfortable when you're hearing Goodbye Horses or Helena). The character wasn't bad per se, but had certain issues.

Now I want to roll up a good transsexual character just because I can.

[Moriato]

a fighter TWFing with two large wands using Monkey Grip and Double Wand Wielder, and the Wandstrike feat to attack people.

Ok... I have to ask. What does he expect an oversized wand to do exactly?

If he expects 5d10 fireballs, I agree that's pretty dumb, but if he just wants to beat people to death with HUEG MAGIC WANDS, I find that actually kind of awesome.

Assuming your campaign isn't a very serious one, of course.

[Yukitsu]

I once proposed an old, crippled man with the ancient age category, a strength of 2 etc, fighting from a wheelchair who wasn't a psion. In fact, he fought with a whip dagger.

I was using all of the crazy abilities that let him apply mental stats to damage and add to his to hit, so it was actually a theoretically sound build, but I haven't had the chance to actually play him yet.

[Xallace]

I don't think my groups have ever had stupid character concepts; In-game actions tend to be the kicker.

Although there was one guy who waited until the first session was in progress to mention that he wanted his father to be the king of some layer of Hell and that his warlock powers stemmed from three balors soulbound to a ruby imbedded in his hand.

That he also wanted to combine Monkey Grip and Weapon Finesse to somehow finesse a bastard sword didn't help him in my eyes, either.

But the thing is that most "terrible characters" in our parties fall into the "so bad it's good" category. Like Fabio the Destroyer, who voluntarily lowered the armor bonus on his Full Plate so it would show off his chest hair and spent the first round of every combat grooming.

[Biffoniacus_Furiou]

A guy who used to play with us a few years ago would actually play builds like Half-Celestial LA +4/ Monk 1/ Sorcerer 4/ Cleric 3/ Mystic Theurge. Another character of his (Half-Celestial Cleric, no surprise) used a dire flail, nonproficient. His Dex was only 13 but he planned on increasing it at 4th and 8th level to take TWF at 9th, but he was already full attacking with both ends of it taking the full penalties. He was thoroughly convinced that the characters he made were Billy Badass, he must have been delusional.

[Machiavellian]

Does the phrase "Gnome Werebear Ninja" scream "huh??!!"

or perhaps our infamous Paladin of Ale (He was a Dwarf Paladin who worshiped Ale, as in the drink). How the DM allowed that crap, I will never know.

[FMArthur]

Ok... I have to ask. What does he expect an oversized wand to do exactly?

If he expects 5d10 fireballs, I agree that's pretty dumb, but if he just wants to beat people to death with HUEG MAGIC WANDS, I find that actually kind of awesome.

Assuming your campaign isn't a very serious one, of course.

Extra Wandstrike damage. If it were real weapon damage, and wands came in larger sizes, and Wandstrike weren't a standard action, he'd bump a 1d6 up to a 1d8 which "adds up when you get a lot of attacks". Despite Double Wand Wielder cappign at two.

[AslanCross]

It wasn't a really bad build per se, and I wasn't the DM then, but one of my players was playing a changeling rogue.

That part was okay.

He was constantly whining about his build and saying how it sucked. We told him to go play a caster since the party needed one, but he whined and said he was tired of playing casters. He didn't know whether to go melee or ranged, and his own build confused him.

That was acceptable, albeit annoying.

That his "default form" had fox ears and he was trying to look CUTE was very unsettling.

The DM dealt with him by introducing a Daelkyr halfblood NPC whom our sponsor had under his care. She was 6 years old and had 18 strength---as much as my 300-pound warforged.

She would often manhandle the changeling because he was "cute."

[Popertop]

see that's an easy one, just set the game during Prohibition and you're good to go.

A druid that uses wildshape combat, but doesn't take any feats for it.
And tries to wildshape into a dragon, even though it's an epic feat.
And goes straight for the antimagic field even though we had a five
minute conversation about where the antimagic field was right before.

My own personal worst was when I tried to combine flurry and TWF.
yep, a monk build. really not that bad, mainly just bad because you have to take monk levels. (if you want to debate the rules on TWF and Flurrying, the rules seem to suggest you can't, but they never actually state anything on the matter, if you would like to clear this up with me or debate it, please PM me)

anyhow, my idea was that a monk somehow teams up with a rogue,
and the rogue uses poisons, and he shows the monk how.
since monks are immune to poison, he just pours it on his fists, takes Versatile Unarmed Strike, and goes to town.
They would have to make a lot of saves (if he actually hit them at all X()

[ScionoftheVoid]

A robot dinosaur with lasers and an afro. Made of francium. EDIT: The whole creature, made of a material that is highly explosive when in contact with water. I wouldn't have allowed that component simply because the character would not have survived until the start of gameplay. I would have allowed the rest (Warforged Warlock//Something, ignoring the "dinosaur" bit mechanically 'cause it shouldn't really have an effect) however.

The same game was also going to include a meercat in a smoking jacket (this was the whole concept, species and garment). Until the rest of the group chose more reasonable concepts and those two ideas got scrapped. They're now going to have a ninja were-cat and a Paladin of Tyranny//Rogue, respectively.

[Makiru]

Dumbest character in any game I've run is, hands-down, the Blind N****r Samurai (yes, from Boondocks), who was still surprisingly effective despite mechanical blindness. Yes, I think that was dumber than the dwarven twins, one of which is the Samurai player, who think they're Daleks in my current game. I'm pretty sure it was just an excuse to scream obscenities all the time, but whatever.

As for myself, I haven't really used any truly dumb builds until the current D20 Future game, which started as TWF wielding chainsaws and has progressed to quad-wielding chainsaws. Most anything else I've played was just dumb in a "You're doing WHAT?" sense, but still mechanically sound.

[Mystic Muse]

see that's an easy one, just set the game during Prohibition and you're good to go.

A druid that uses wildshape combat, but doesn't take any feats for it.
And tries to wildshape into a dragon, even though it's an epic feat.

Actually, there's a feat in Draconomicon and I think you can use Master of many forms to turn into a dragon. Both pre-epic. I think the Draconomicon one only allows medium dragons though.

[drengnikrafe]

I had a player who decided he wanted to play a dog. What's more, this dog was going to be a monk. And the only character he could talk to was the party Paladin, who didn't even like him. It wasn't even an awakened dog, or something like that. Just a dog.
I have no other words for this.

[Satyr]

That is quite unsettling. And a little too open to psychoanalysis...

I wouldn't start with that. Not everybody creates characters as a form of of wish fulfilling alter ego, and I am quite ure that the player in question just tried to be scary for the sake of it.

Now I want to roll up a good transsexual character just because I can.

Just for the record, a transsexual character in itself would be awesome if it is well made. A part why I really didn't like the character was that the player tried to use it as a shoking or suppsedly scary motive; even though it worked well in the context in creating such a motive, but mostly through the how.

[oxybe]

thanks to the PC antics we had yesterday, whereas one player tried to bean another with a thick book, it reminded me of this picture:



and thus the idea of bible fighter for our PF game as a backup character came about.

fighter/rogue, armed with the word of god.

[aivanther]

I built a samurai. I didn't do much with intimidate. Do I need to say anything else?

[GoodbyeSoberDay]

For me the worst character ideas are the ones that will ultimately lead to party splitting or PvP. Like the guy who wanted to roll a detect-and-smite stick in the mud paladin... in a neutral-to-evil party.

[IdleMuse]

One of my friends has a player in his game who's a human were-dwarf. Not particularly bad, tbh, just slightly odd.

[Tyndmyr]

I just had a conversation with one of my players who wanted to build a fighter TWFing with two large wands using Monkey Grip and Double Wand Wielder, and the Wandstrike feat to attack people. He then asked me if I was all right because apparently my eyes went out of focus and I had to grab onto a railing on the walkway. I have never heard a dumber idea for a character in my life - and this guy was completely serious (he's known for being very... strange).

So hit me, GitP, what's the worst character idea you've ever had pitched your way by a real player?

That's....while suboptimal, a hilarious build, and can only be improved by putting wand sockets in your wands.

[Aroka]

One player created, for Cyberpunk 2020, both a giant Nigerian man wielding two chainsaws, and an orthodox/hassidic jew explosives expert. Gnnnnn. He actually played both, too. I believe it was his "subtle" protest against a system, genre, and setting he didn't particularly enjoy.

[TooManyBadgers]

I had a player who decided he wanted to play a dog. What's more, this dog was going to be a monk. And the only character he could talk to was the party Paladin, who didn't even like him. It wasn't even an awakened dog, or something like that. Just a dog.
I have no other words for this.

*scratches down ideas for a backup character in his ongoing campaign.*

[Machiavellian]

*scratches down ideas for a backup character in his ongoing campaign.*

The dog idea reminds me of Dog from Dragon Age Origins...

BTW, what's the LA for playing an Awakened Animal?

[Captain Six]

The dog idea reminds me of Dog from Dragon Age Origins...

BTW, what's the LA for playing an Awakened Animal?

Probably none, animals don't actually have the greatest racial traits.

[drengnikrafe]

The dog idea reminds me of Dog from Dragon Age Origins...

BTW, what's the LA for playing an Awakened Animal?

I think he wanted to play the character after Dragon Age had been announced, but before it came out. He is easily influenced by media, so I don't know.

Also, I don't know. In order to do what I could, I assumed he gained racial bonuses upon the assumption that stats used to be 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 and were changed entirely based on being a dog. Then I made him take two levels in dog.

Yay homebrew on the fly.

[KillianHawkeye]

The dog idea reminds me of Dog from Dragon Age Origins...

BTW, what's the LA for playing an Awakened Animal?

Probably none, animals don't actually have the greatest racial traits.

The awaken spell is silent on the issue of Level Adjustment. Ask your DM.