Artifact Beard

[shadow_archmagi]

Right, so, here's the deal.

I'm starting a new campaign with an 8th level Dwarf Artificer. Party role is buffs and support; no spotlight stealing except when absolutely needed. Now, some of you may remember the backstory I wrote for him awhile back it had a lovely little thread but isn't important now.

What's important now is that I have 27,000 gold to spend. Technically, 12850, because I bought some other things too.

So: What custom magic item is

A. Awesome
B. Makes sense as a beard
C. Costs 12850 or less

[dsmiles]

A Beard of Chuck Norris Strength? Adds a +infinity to your strength.

Seriously, why do you need to enchant a beard? Isn't ruggedness enough of a chick magnet by itself?

Mmmmm...a...beard of...ummm...Frost resistance?
Ummm...strength?
Uh...death ward?

Seriously, I can't think of anything for a beard, really.

[BenInHB]

Is it suppose to BE the beard or just related to the beard.

Like Beads braided into the beard, a special band that holds the beard together at the bottom, a lock of hair from a ancient heroic dwarfs beard braided into your own, a beard graft, an Animated beard (like in that old skittles commercial) it could be used to hold things or make touch attacks...

[dsmiles]

Seriously, why do you need to enchant a beard? Isn't ruggedness enough of a chick magnet by itself?

HOLY CRAP WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE?!?!?!?

A Beard of Charm Person!!! Let the rugged man rule the world!

[Techsmart]

Beard of charisma? The beard makes you more manly and handsome, TWICE OVER.
Indestructible beard? Nothing is more insulting to a dwarf than losing his beard.
Beard of strength - as beard of charisma.
Beard of heroism - +2 to attack rolls/ or cast heroism 1/day?
Beard of natural armor - your beard is so tough that it acts like a shield, giving +1/+2 natural armor bonus?

[herrhauptmann]

There's a spell called Silverbeard (MoF I think). A permanent version of that should be a good base.
(Dexter's Lab, a beard to be feared) should help with inspiration. I'd link, but can't find a site that doesn't make my antivirus panic.

[shadow_archmagi]

Beard of charisma? The beard makes you more manly and handsome, TWICE OVER.

Charisma is ultimately of little use to my character. Artificers don't get bluff or diplomacy

Indestructible beard? Nothing is more insulting to a dwarf than losing his beard.

not very useful

Beard of strength - as beard of charisma.

Not planning on hitting people; I've got a crossbow

Beard of heroism - +2 to attack rolls/ or cast heroism 1/day?

This sounds kind of awesome

Beard of natural armor - your beard is so tough that it acts like a shield, giving +1/+2 natural armor bonus?

This too

Hmmmmmm, decisions are hard

[Gaiyamato]

I love the heroic beard. But the natural armor beard makes more sense. Particularly if it is like mine.

[Foryn Gilnith]

Minor Schema are always nice (a spell 1/day). A 4th-level one clocks in at 11200 gp [or 12800 if you want CL 8]. Tree Stride is nice, as is Swamp Stride (Spell Compendium). Voice of the Dragon (Draconomicon) is nice for an hour of influence, but there might be cheaper ways to get the effect. Glibness is nice for an hour of lying (use the Beguiler version), and unparalleled. Sudden Stalagmite (Spell Compendium) is appropriate for a dwarf, making rock appear out of nowhere. Wall of Salt (Sandstorm) can make you a fortress out of salt, slowly. Stone Metamorphosis (Underdark) can be damn awesome; see page 105 for types of stone it can change things into. Illusory Wall can also supplement fortifications. Fuse Sand (Sandstorm), too, can provide building material. Fang Traps (SK) can trap a fortress or item.

Secure Shelter is also useful. I'm just doing this because I'm bored, there's no minor schema guide for 4th-level spells online, and some of these spells have application for my future characters. Remove Fatigue (Book of Exalted Deeds) lets you and your party never have to sleep again. Planar Binding is a renewable source of cheese, though you'll need a magic circle. Modify Memory has obvious applications, though you'll need a domain cleric. Same with Dominate Person. Liquid Pain (BoVD) is useful but probably not for you. Hallucinatory Terrain can be useful. At this point I'm just listing non-worthless spells with a long (permanent/instanteous/days or hours per level) duration. Lesser Geas can be useful. Force Chest (SpC) lets you have half a dozen impenetrable chests at a time. Detect Scrying can be maintained indefinitely. Superior Darkvision (UE) lets you see to the horizon in the dark. Commune with City (RoD), Charm Monster, Command Plants, Battlefield Fortification (HoB), and possibly Atonement have varying degrees of utility.

[Raging Gene Ray]

Have the beard shoot out animated clumps of beard hair that act like tanglefoot bags. Price it like one of those Rods of Viscous Globs from the MIC. Only, ya know, with hair instead of viscous globs...that'd get nasty.

Or attach some conjuration spell to it. Maybe 1/day unleash a swarm of bees from your beard.

[AustontheGreat1]

Beard of Holding?

[shadow_archmagi]

Lesser Geas.

Ooooooh, that sounds tempting.

"YOU! DO WHAT I WANT!" once per day.

[Dralnu]

Beard of Holding?

This one's my favorite. It's elegant, useful if you need more storage space, and conjures up a great image.

I haven't a clue if there's a way to do this, but if there's a way to have your beard swing a greataxe or warhammer, I'd have to steal the idea and put it into my campaign.

[Rowsen]

Weave some Ioun Stones into it. Then you can have a spinning super-fun-happy beard!

[shadow_archmagi]

hmmm...

2x3x2000=12000, meaning that I could also opt for infinite uses of a second-level spell. Backbiter would be kind of a hilarious option for infinite uses.

[LibraryOgre]

What edition?

[shadow_archmagi]

What edition?

3.5, all books allowed as far as I know.

[Toric]

Lesser Geas actually would be good for a dwarf that has spent time as a foreman, mining director, or any sort of dwarven seat of power. I'd call it the Beard of Authority.

Original ideas? Hmm. I'll think upon it.

[aetherialDawn]

I'd call it the Beard of Authority.

This seems like an excellent idea. I wanted to ask, however, if you were planning to have only one item? Because if you are going to have multiple item-beard-things (The earlier idea of beads woven into the beard comes to mind here) then you could select more than just one, such as several lower-level spells as opposed to a higher level one. Perhaps your beard-of-common-tricks. It can light fires! It can use mage hand! It has more spells than a level 2 sorcerer all on its own!

Actually, if the item somehow ends up intelligent (unlikely) having a psionic beard would be... Odd. And yet somehow the idea appeals to me.

So yeah, summary, why not have many small things that you'll always want handy? You are unlikely to be disarmed of your beard anytime soon. Beads woven into your beard are also unlikely to attract notice, and can probably be Bluff'd off as being enchantments to keep it clean and well-groomed for reasons of dwarven pride if someone notices the magic.

[Deth Muncher]

Beard of Holding and Beard of Authority are wonderful ideas. I really like the concept of you literally pulling a crossbow out of your beard, as with your beard being so compelling that people listen to you because of it.

Other fun ideas:

Static Beard: Some low - mid level Lightning spell - y'know how staticky hair can get sometimes.

Beard of Stiffness: Stoneskin X/Day, X being whatever you can afford. Because if your beard can't make you stronger, I don't know what can.

Beard of Arrow Deflecting: Like the spell Protection from Arrows, but Permanent. Combine with Beard of Holding to get your beard to grab arrows from the air and store them for later use.

Third Arm Beard: There's a piece of Artificer equipment in the MIC that uses charges to do fun stuff like attack, but the basic form is that it can just hold stuff for you. Who wouldn't want a prehensile beard?

Also, +1 to the Charm person, or perhaps some sort of Aura, a-la Paladins - Beard of Fearlessness?

[Valameer]

You could always shave your current beard and try to get a hold of Vecna's Beard.

...What? I'm sure it's out there somewhere! All the rest of Vecna's parts are!

[dsmiles]

You could always shave your current beard and try to get a hold of Vecna's Beard.

...What? I'm sure it's out there somewhere! All the rest of Vecna's parts are!

"By Vecna's hairy chin!"

I like the sound of that. Yep, that settles it, Vecna had a beard. Probably a goatee, though.

[shadow_archmagi]

Beads are a good idea! You should use beads!

While logistically, yes, item creation rules say that having lots of little items is definitely more cost effective (After all, at 1x1x1800, I could have six infinite use items of first-level spells. Or, at 2x3x1800, just one item of a second level spell. And the rules for tacking multiple effects onto one item are vicious.) the character's backstory is that he was born beardless and then earned the respect of his people by commandeering a forge and then smelting himself a masterwork beard. So it has to be just one item.

[Foryn Gilnith]

So it has to be just one item.

Since beards don't occupy a magic item slot anyway, shouldn't you be able to freely stack effects?

[Mercenary Pen]

Dunno how it would fit financially, but you could try creating a Beard of Legacy (using the weapons of legacy rules) so that it will remain relevant as you level up...

[Coidzor]

Is a face slot item so you can naturally stack your intelligence booster on it using MIC rules, of course...

Or else it's slotless and whatevsky.

[shadow_archmagi]

Since beards don't occupy a magic item slot anyway, shouldn't you be able to freely stack effects?

"Multiple different abilities: Multiply lower item cost by 1.5" is the line on the item creation guide that I'm looking at.

[Eloel]

Charisma is ultimately of little use to my character. Artificers don't get bluff or diplomacy

/facepalm. UMD is Cha-based.

[shadow_archmagi]

/facepalm. UMD is Cha-based.

At level 8, I've already got 11 ranks in it. I've supplemented that with a hat of +9 to UMD, and my CHA is already 14. That's a total of +22 to UMD; spending thousands of gold to make that 22 into 25 does not seem cost effective to my mind.

Of course, I could be wrong, in which case please inform me.