[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.

[fortesama]

Exactly what the title says. In my case:

• Seducing every thing that moves is not a lawful act.
• My characters may no longer try to seduce everyone they meet.
• My female characters, however, are allowed to try to seduce anyone regardless of their gender.
• Tha last one was not a double standard.
• As a warforged, and when the DM ruled that animated objects are a valid form, I may not use Alter Self to become someone's undergarments.
• As an err...substitute DM, I may no longer cause a TPK without the main DM's permission.... unless the party did something incredibly stupid like a party member traveling through the desert alone, without food, water transport, supplies, clothing, the occasional hooker...

[Callista]

*Even though he is made of the body parts of hapless commoners, the flesh golem is not afraid of my seven-pound housecat familiar.
*If I attempt to Detect Magic on the epic-level artifact, I deserve the resulting migraine.
*No longer allowed to use oozes as ranged weapons.

[Synapse]

* Cannot replace the local noble's sugar tablets with frozen pieces of the party's pet gelatinous cube.
* Cannot challenge the masochistic cleric of Pain to fights every morning after she is done "preparing her spells".

[Coplantor]

-You are not allowed to convince a priest that his god is A-OK with lust
-Invisibilty is not for casting arcane mark on someones butt
-Nor is it for any sort of stupid prank
-You cannot have a catapult
-You cannot stop adventuring for 9 years to earn a degree in laws so you can easily abuse loopholes in the legal system of the kingdom to become the new king.

[AshDesert]

-Fire doesn't solve every problem, no matter how many times I've proved it with anecdotal evidence, and I'm no longer allowed to try to collect anecdotal evidence.
-Black Tentacles is strictly forbidden on all nongood characters.
-Phrenic Cats are no longer allowed to talk in public due to the possibility of mass hysteria and witch burnings.

[fortesama]

Got a few more:
* If my character can one-shot the BBEG with a defensive buff, she will be killed in short order.
* After convincing the DM to let my warforged use Alter Self to become undergarments for spying purposes, i am not allowed to "vibrate" or to perform "forced intrusion".
* My awakened wolf druid may not have a human companion... unless it's a certain faithless chaotic evil ranger from luskan that would become the companion.
* Our kobold sorcerer tied on a stick is not a valid substitute for a wand.
* Neither is our gnome bard.

[WarKitty]

-Any attempts at using seduction to rob or otherwise incapacitate a character must be told to the DM first, so he doesn't end up trying to frantically get out of the impending sexual encounter

[dspeyer]

• I may not recruit random encounters into the party (even if it worked out that one time).
  
• If I have brought terrible destruction to a major city on multiple occasions, I will not ask the survivors for details.
  
• I may not carefully determine the limits of cantrips, especially mage hand, and use them most efficiently.

All based on actual campaigns.

[Callos_DeTerran]

One for my IRL players:

*Just because it was a good idea to skin some animals to craft a much needed tent does not make it good policy to extend that idea to everything else I kill.

[lordyoshi01]

* It is not okay to try to cast Animate Dead on one the corpse of a fellow party member... this goes doubly for a good group.
* Killing every NPC is not a a good way to stay on the DM's good side.
* I can not switch what languages my character knows to whatever is the most convinient at the time.
* I must try not to purposely make characters based on other characters. I should also not name those characters based on the character of their insperation.
* I cannot become the DM so that I can give my character free exp.
* Enemies with names and specially made by the DM that are not the final boss are probably meant to be reoccurring characters. I should not try to kill these characters in their first appearence and waste the time the DM worked on it.
* In a good group I should not go on killing sprees in the nearest town. That may also apply in a evil group.
* It is not okay to push a teammate into a trap or environment hazard.
* Making a diplomacy check in combat against the final boss while playing as a barbarian is a waste of everyone's time.
* I shouldn't bring my weighted dice to game sessions anymore.
* As the DM, I shouldn't make every campaign play like Tomb of Horrors. Especially against low level characters, doubly so against new players.
* As the DM, I shouldn't set the DC of every skill challenge or check to an impossible number.
* Killing my teammates so I can use their equipment is not nice.
* I should never, ever, ask the DM if I can eat an important friendly NPC, while he's still alive... or when he's dead.
* I shouldn't argue with the DM that I want to reroll because I'm not using my weighted dice.
* Doing a strip tease on a town mailbox is not an effective way to make money.
* I cannot ask the DM if I can play as an ooze.
* Trying to intimidate a spynx with the threat of getting it wet by throwing a bucket of water on it won't work, even if I roll high enough.

I'll think of more later

[Volos]

• I am not allowed to play a shifter druid with the following feats : Combat Expertise, Deadly Defense, and Improved Natural Weapon Claw, for the sole purpose of using my pounce attack as leopard to do 10d6 damage a round as a 6th level character.
• I am not allowed to play a shifter druid.
• I am not allowed to play a druid.
• I am now stuck being the DM.

[Alleran]

* I am no longer permitted to Wild Shape my druid into a bear riding a bear while summoning bears, owing to the number of jokes that issue from me when it happens. The DM and other players can't bear to hear them anymore.

EDIT: The same goes for dragons and insisting that the party is "dragn' me down" when they can't keep up - and yes, these have actually happened.

[Volos]

• I am not allowed to play a [Insert Name of PHB Class Here]
• I am not allowed to play a Commoner (Directly due to the Commoner-Out-Fighting-Everyone-In-The-Party fiasco)
• I am stuck being the DM... again.

Seriously, this always happens. While I do not attempt to break characters (I played a druid with no feats once), I end up thinking of smart ideas that make encounters much easier then they normally would be. And for some reason the DMs go with it (I personally have +20 to Diplomacy) and then the group hates me for it. Case in point, I played a commoner with a stick. The big bad decided to attack me in a field of chickens. So I riled the chickens up while making a handle animal check to avoid seeming like a target to them. Next thing we know, hundreds of chickens flank and attack the big bad. Each has to do a single point of damage if they hit, and many of them did. The big bad had no DR, and suddenly I couldn't play commoners anymore. Note, the rest of the party was playing Player Classes.

[Geode]

If I wasn't allowed to use Grimtooth's traps, why did the players give me the book for my birthday?

I am no longer allowed to drop a rock on the Bard to shut him up, even if everyone including his player thought it was a good idea at the time.

I'm no longer allowed to put a dungeon in an abandoned coal mine and then set it on fire.

I suppose that I can no longer give the players a bucket of helpfully-numbered bones because they will no longer want to assemble them to see what it is.

[hamishspence]

The list of Things Mr Welsh is no longer allowed to do in an RPG:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.ph...wedToDoInAnRPG

is a pretty good one for this sort of thing.

[Katana_Geldar]

• Even with a natural 20, I cannot steal the innkeeper's pants while he is wearing them
• The DM does not want to know what is in the jar of white liquid that I am hiding.
• Cats do not as weapons.
• I am not allowed to time how long it takes to break tonight's plot.

[Rasman]

I'm no longer allowed to play an Oratory Bard wearing Studded Leather Armor, a Mask of Death (Randomly Rolled Mind you), and wielding a whip and net.

I may no longer refer to my Planar Shepherd as a "powerful wizard" just because he's wearing a Monocle of Truth. (Works like Candle of Truth once a day)

[GoatBoy]

- May not have cleric fill all spell slots with metamagick'd versions of "create water."

- May not have rogue who only puts one skill point into as many "Profession" skills as I can think of.

- If thought of an action causes me to giggle for more than ten seconds, assume I am not allowed to do it.

- My character is not in need of a more suitable host body.

- My alignment is not "chaotic indifferent."

- Nor "lawful smelly."

- Touching a female with Lay On Hands does not cause my Paladin to fall.

- Correction: Touching a female with Lay On Hands does not cause my Paladin to fall, as long as I do not specify where I am touching her.

- Not allowed to put "Canadian" as my race.

- "Contact Other Plane" does not allow me to sell my soul for rock and roll.

- Not allowed to inquire as to whether the Potion of Cure Light Wounds is certified kosher.

- No matter how strong my faith in him, Richard Dawkins does not grant cleric spells.

- Any Gather Information check automatically fails if its purpose is to determine "where da white women at."

[Saintheart]

* May not use the first verse of "U Can't Touch This" as the somatic component for my character's Mage Armor spells.

* There are no circumstance bonuses to Intimidate checks for standing over the DM and thumping my free hand with a baseball bat.

* Even if I have darkvision, and no matter how much my character misses his ex-girlfriend, it is not appropriate for my character to wear my sunglasses at night.

* Not permitted to invoke Rule 37 as an explanation for my character being half-catfolk.

* Can not pay for the Rapid Shot feat by taking a "Rambo incoherence" flaw.

* "Hundred metres" is not a valid player character race.

* Nor is "marathon".

* Nor is "Chariots of Fire".

* I am not permitted to suggest that the barbarian simply go to work with his adamantine maul and build "shortcuts" through the DM's dungeon.

[Dienekes]

May not broker a deal to betray the party with the BBEG in front of the party, even if it is "in character"

Can't refer to all elves/druids/nymphs/ect. met in the campaign as "dirty hippies"

May no longer have my character speak in accent: Texting, lol.

[Mordokai]

Tying a gnome to a 50' rope and throwing him in front of the party to check for traps and then dragging him back to check for more traps is not an acceptable substitute for a Search and Disable Device skills... even if it is more amusing.

For that same reason, I'm not allowed to take Leadership feat and have myself being followed by a legion of gnomes.

[Ernir]

I am no longer allowed to take the Touch of Golden Ice feat and shake hands with everyone I meet.

[Signmaker]

I am no longer allowed to take the Touch of Golden Ice feat and shake hands with everyone I meet.

On a similar vein, no longer will I share bloodsweets with everyone I meet as a gesture of goodwill.

[dsmiles]

I am not allowed to use the Kobold rogue tied to a rope as an improvised weapon. Even if it's an enemy.

I am no longer allowed to hide on the ceiling just because "guards never look up."

EDIT: I am not allowed to use zombies as clubs when playing a Large character. They don't do enough damage, being squishy.

[Mr.Smashy]

I am no longer allowed to play a repair man in any genre.

I am no longer allowed to disturb Casinos with large sacks of Rats, Weasels, Ferrets, Ect.

I am no longer allowed to juice said creatures on Vigoroids prior to.

When one member of the party is mentally unstable, no handing him a flamethrower.

Cat-calling is generally directed towards human beings, unlike the name suggests.

I am not allowed to saw anyone in half with a mini-uzi ever again.

My matter mage cannot blow 5 paradox in any situation, ever again.

I cannot trick the BBEG to eat the bread that I have poisoned by bluffing him into believing someone else has poisoned his drink already.

Me and the elf cannot taunt the dwarf in Sylvan, especially if he happens to speak it.

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now i have my Black Plague shot does not work. This is final.

When determining who will seduce the (princess/barmaid/insert occupation here) that is generally not the Barbarians job. Even if he has muscles on muscles.

Note: I cannot rage if the (princess/barmaid/insert occupation here) does not take kindly to my advances.

2nd Note: When seducing city royalty, armpit licking, kossak dancing, and flaming liquors do not have any place.

3rd Note: The Princess does not want to see my grooming habits, especially if they involve chicken grease and sealing wax.

[lordyoshi01]

* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.
* There are actions I can take during Time Stop, and there are actions that make the DM mad when used during Time Stop... or any time really.
* Gnomes do not have a vibrate setting.
* I cannot declair my character to have a super power in a D&D campaign. Especially without telling the DM first.
* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.
* Mirror Image cannot be used to help a seduction check.
* I should not purposely try to have the group fail a skill challenge just so we have to fight a difficult fight.
* Lawful Amazing is not an alignment.
* A teammate's corpse shouldn't be used as a thrown weapon.
* Evard's Black Tentacles is a combat spell.

[Cyrion]

I am not allowed to use glyph of warding on the rogue's scabbard. Nor on his fly.

I am not allowed to sell the cleric into slavery without her knowledge and consent.

I am not allowed to memorize magic mouth if camels may be involved.

I may not put an arcane lock on the outhouse door.

[Quincunx]

I am still not allowed to roll UMD against the DM's rhetorical device.

When the DM said "roll and keep" dice, it was implied that I would give them back at the end of the session.

[Volos]

• I may not give Power Word spells from Races of the Dragon to every NPC in my campaign world, no matter how much ballance will come from it.
• Following that, I may not give any spell from Races of the Dragon to any NPC in my campaign world unless they are dragons.
• Scratch that, even dragons don't need to be that broken.
• Even if I can make it work in the story, I cannot make the Nypmh a Paladin just so that she gets double her Cha to all saves. Even if her father was Pelor himself.
• While I may have come up with a perfectly good reason to turn the Cleric's god evil, I may not punish him for the actions of a being he had no control over.
• I may not take away my player's trail rations just because they haven't passed the chips. This goes double if they are traveling through a desert / desolate wasteland / artic snow plains / ect.
• I may not make all helms found by the Paladin to be Helms of Reverse Alignment, even if he is a douche.
• I may not make the BBEG a gnome. They are not terrifying.
• I may not pass out copies of The Evil Overlord List to each and every evil NPC in my campaign world, no matter how appropiate it seems.

[dsmiles]

• Even if I can make it work in the story, I cannot make the Nypmh a Paladin just so that she gets double her Cha to all saves. Even if her father was Pelor himself.

Um, why not?