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  1. - Top - End - #481
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Spoiler
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    • Really needs spoiler tags everywhere to tidy itself up. The table is a mess, and it's hard to look past all the 'or' abilities to discern the ability progression, without more spoiler tags. Can't really review it in this state, sorry.
    That's fine, the table was screwed up, though it should be fixed now. I've made a separate entry for each instance of Chiseled Path and spoilered the options for each. I've also spoilered the whole class to save space and stop iritating anyone who doesn't want to scroll past the whole thing.

  2. - Top - End - #482
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    Magicyop's Avatar

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Half-Golem: Yeah, this is an awesome revision. The sheer number of options it allows is... amazing.
    1. Okay, so first thing: I agree that you should somehow be able to take it more than once, or take a repeating one level dip that grants you an additional construction material. Perhaps increase the danger to your humanity each time, but combining some of these would be awesome.
    2. Prerequisites, table, and skills look good to me.
    3. The Danger: I love it. The wavering border between success and failure is a cool idea.
    4. Prototype Body: Cool! Fun and useful, and doesn't seem too overpowered. No love for the adamantine golem though? Maybe I'll see why looking at its other features?
    5. Ability Increase: Looks fine.
    6. Golem Plate: I... I almost want the DR overcoming to be based on your material, as much more work as that would be. Birthday Cake resisting all but adamantine doesn't seem to make a lot of sense.
    7. Magic Resistance: A little on the high side, but good!
    8. Improvement: Nice area for customization.
    9. Construction Material:
      Spoiler
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      Adamantine: Oh, I see why. Strong, but I like it.
      Alchemical: Nifty!
      Amorphion: Awesome. It's like... I don't know, some sort of transforming robot.
      Artillery: Seems less powerful than a lot of the other materials, fairly situational. But good.
      Ash: Heh, that's a lot of fun!
      Assembly: AWESOME. That sounds like a really fun Half-Golem to play.
      Battleglory: Nice, that's really cool.
      Birthday Cake: Seems like you want to have some more candles than that, or give them more fast healing. Because as is, it seems like you're taping on some pretty serious conditions for fast healing which is no greater than that which other monster classes grant. Otherwise, funny and cool.
      Blood: VAMPIRE ROBOTS?! That's really cool.
      Brain: I feel like being half made of brain should give you an intelligence boost... I mean, if you're boosting strength with other materials, why not?
      Brass: A little bit underpowered, but otherwise okay.
      Butterscotch Pudding: Haha. I want to play one of these now.
      Cadaver Collector: That's really fun. I like it.
      Caltrop: Seems like the cadaver collector, only more powerful. Now that I've seen this one, it seems like you might want to give cadaver a little bit more power? But leaving caltrops behind is pretty awesome.
      Calzone: Fun!
      Carver: I like it.
      Chain: That's a nice one.
      Chocolate: Looks good to me.
      Clay: It looks fun and balanced, but what does moving fast have to do with clay?
      Coral: Cool one.
      Demonflesh: Nice choice for an evil half golem.
      Dragonflesh: Can we get a little bit greater range on that blindsense? Maybe 10 per 3 HD instead? Otherwise, nice.
      Fang: That's cool.
      Fewmet: On the powerful side, but fun.
      Flesh: That's really neat.
      Force: UNSTOPPABLE! I like it.
      Gear: Ooh, I love it!
      Gloom: Like it.
      Gravedirt: Skeleton of ANY SIZE? You might want to specify a little, some people will read that as, "I summon a colossal ++++++++++ human skeleton."
      Hangman: Like it.
      Hellfire: I like it.
      Homunculus: I love it.
      Ice: I want some more of it. (couldn't resist.)
      Inevitable: That's one of the cooler ones.
      Inquisition: Fun to play with.
      Iron: That's good.
      Junk: Awesome.
      Juggernaught: There's no GH in juggernaut. Basically like the other one, but still fun.
      Magmacore: Fun!
      Mindstrike: Cool one.
      Mud: That's neat.
      Mithral: Seems balanced and cool to me.
      Nimblewright: Yeah, I like it. I don't see any problems.
      Outer: Powerful, again, but fun.
      Peanut Butter: Hahahaha. Funny, and seems balanced.
      Perfector: I think it works well.
      Pinata: That's a really cool effect. Seems fine to me.
      Plague: Neat one.
      Prismatic: Okay, that works. Seems not quite flashy enough for prismatic, but it's good.
      Replicant: That's cool.
      Rubber Chicken: Another fun one. I like it.
      Sand: Looks fine to me.
      Sentinel of Mithardir: Looks fun.
      Shacklelock: Looks balanced and cool.
      Shadesteel: Nice for rogue half golems.
      Shield-Guardian: Fits with the flavor of the original golem well. I like it.
      Siege: I love it. That's a cool one.
      Skywatcher: Not very powerful compared to some of the others, but still good.
      Split Rail: Neat one.
      Stained Glass: Looks good to me.
      Stone: Good!
      Tangled Seasonal Lights: Fun, that's well done. I'd play one.
      Tombstone: Creepy. Cool.
      Trainer: I like it a lot. I don't see any balance issues.
      Valorhammer: It works well, just like the other alignment golems.
      Warforged: Half-warforged? Neat idea!
      Web: Fun spider golem.
      Woodwrath: Can't say I'm a massive fan of the flavor, but the ability is super fun and seems balanced.
      Worker: Yeah, that's good.

    Okay, this is... really killer to try and critique. And I'm not even going into great detail on most of the construction materials. Can't imagine how long you must have worked on this. I'll get to the rest of the stuff later.
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  3. - Top - End - #483
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Made a few changes to the Gibbering Mouther.
    Celestia Moon avatar by Dirtytabs. He is now the most awesome thing.

    THIS
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    My website: Free Raptor Games
    Note: mostly abandoned due to lack of time.

    Spoiler
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    Spoiler
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    Weretrex avatar by Bradakhan


    Bec Noir avatar by Derjuin, thanks! Yes, that sword in his chest is a part of him.

  4. - Top - End - #484
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    Gargoyle
    Spoiler
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    • Monster image should be unspoilered. It's one of the key ways we have of letting people skimming the thread know that there's a monster class there.
    • I'd recommend changing the repeated, different cases of chiseled path to have different names, to reduce confusion & make for tidier character sheets.
    • Natural attacks; need to note whether they gain strength bonus to damage. (2x, 1.5, strength mod or ½ str mod).
    • Chiseled Path, Offense, Lesser:
      • The whole 'see the rogue class' for details is kind of a bother, and a bit of a shortcut. It's not bad, per se, but it causes a lot of hassle for a player who looks up the monster class for ability details & then is redirected to look elsewhere. Consider a copy-paste of the sneak attack rules inside a spoiler.
    • Chiseled Path, Defense:
      • Tough Skin is a little confusing to someone not familiar with the conversion of multiple natural armor. Clarify?
      • Rather than hardness (which is perplexing), how about just DR?
      • The bonus of runecarved body really, really needs to be toned down. A +10 bonus at level 20 will make you pass pretty much every save.
    • Freeze: I'm wondering how useful this would be. I mean, any foe with an intelligence higher than 6 is going to know the statue is probably a real gargoyle, especially if it appears in a forest, mountain, open plain, etc.
    • Stone Cold Metabolism:
      • As capstone abilities go, it's fairly narrow in application. What happens to conditions (bleeding, buffs, penalties, curses, shaken, stunned, poisoned, diseased?) on the gargoyle after the state is entered/exited?
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2010-12-14 at 03:49 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #485
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    Thorn:
    1) The first thing I noticed was the natural armor. Being equal to it CON modifier puts the Thorn on par with a lot of other, much 'tougher' classes. Admittedly, that's probably just me being silly, but it seems a little much for a class that can get armor as easily as any halfling.
    Well, the original monster had a fairly nice natural armour, but otherwise I don't see it getting ridiculous at present. A ranged Thorn will be using Dex and Wis for attacks and abilities and Con for health. It probably won't be dumping Int for skills, and probably won't go for a negative strength modifier to take advantage of a composite longbow (Slings also apply the strength penalty to damage). In melee he'd be looking at the same, but strength might receive a few more points. The racial bonuses to Dex and Wis do help, but I figure he's got enough other areas to invest in, so it's unlikely for Con to natural armour to get ridiculous.

    2) Misspelling of "lethal" in the Weapon of Thorns ability. Otherwise, this ability seems cool, and ensures that no Thorn should ever be without a proper weapon. My only real problem is that you never state how many times per day you can use the 4th level magical enhancement part of it. Or do you just get it once per encounter? That seems to be what it implies, though it seems like a little much to me. Maybe 1/2HD /day, minimum 1?
    I'll probably clarify, but it's meant to be turned on or off as necessary, with a maximum number of rounds equal to 2*Wis Mod per encounter. That might be a bit long, now that I think about it, since that may last all encounter come higher levels, which is not the intent. I'll see about scaling that back a bit.

    5) Subduing strike is cool, and works well with a bunch of stealth classes. However, you might want to note how it works with other sneak attack style abilities, like Sudden Strike and Skirmish.
    Well, you can't trade advancement, but while I can clarify is doesn't seem too complicated. You can sudden strike and/or skirmish at the same time as subduing strike, but you'll have to meet all the requirements. Same with stacking them between each other, so you'd have be be striking non-lethally and have moved 10ft to subdue and skirmish, for example.

    7) Weapon of Barbs is awesome. Getting Dex to damage really bumps up your damage output(especially after getting +4 Dex with the class), and it gives more fun combat options. The only thing I have against it is in the melee option. When you refer to the weapon's 'enhancement bonus' when deciding how much natural armor you strip away, is that its straight enhancement bonus, or the total enhancement to the weapon? Does a +1 Vorpal sword take 1 point of natural armor, or 6?
    Well, terminology from the DMG tell me that the +5 from Vorpal isn't an enhancement bonus, they're special ability bonus equivalents. That weapon would have an enhancement bonus of +1 and a modified bonus of +6 for pricing purposes. I'll clarify though, just in case.

    Overall, I like the sneaky warrior feel of this class, and the non-lethal options make it an excellent addition to any fae court. Good job.
    Thanks, hopefully the additional clarifications will bring the class closer to receiving nominations as I think I'm getting close to the maximum level of polish I can do without completely changing things.
    Homebrew Monster Classes:
    Arcadian Avenger|Thorn|Marrash|Justice Archon

  6. - Top - End - #486
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Added a couple of abilities to the Lammasu & G. Protector (part way down p. 13).

    - Gatekeeper is based on what Wikipedia tells me is part of the irl Lammasu's mythology.
    - Healing Hands is the Healer classes Lvl 1 ability, given because they can get a Lammasu as an animal companion.
    - Added a version of Turn Undead to Shining Light (specifying it can't power Divine Feats etc.).

    - White Light is coz, y'know, they're shiny.

    So what happens now, I have to wait for people to nominate it? What if everyone thinks they're a bit meh and no one ever does?
    Last edited by Kobold-Bard; 2010-12-14 at 04:00 PM.
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  7. - Top - End - #487
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kobold-Bard View Post
    So what happens now, I have to wait for people to nominate it? What if everyone thinks they're a bit meh and no one ever does?
    Then they aren't doing their jobs and telling you ways to make it less meh.
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  8. - Top - End - #488
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    Alright, time for me to roll out some more comments.

    Quote Originally Posted by monkman View Post
    Maug
    Spoiler
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    {table=head]Level|BAB|Fort|Ref|Will|Special

    1st|
    +1
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    | Construct Body,Pulverize,+1Str
    2nd|
    +2
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |Graft,+1Str
    3rd|
    +3
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Rapid Repair,Growth +1str
    [/table]
    HD=D10

    Skills 2+int modifier(x4 at first lv)
    Class skills Craft,Intimidate,Knowledge(architecture andengineering),Listen,Profession (siege engineer and soldier),Spot, Survival

    Some formatting might be nice of the skills to improve readability. I think the standard format does something like this:

    Craft (Int), Intimidate (Cha), Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) (Int), Listen (Wis), Profession (Siege Engineer) (Wis), Profession (Soldier) (Wis), Spot (Wis), Survival (Wis)


    Proficiencies: A maug gains proficiency with all armor,all sheild(including tower shields) simple and martial weapons

    Just another wording suggestion, to keep the same sort of format official classes use:

    Maugs are proficient with all simple and martial weapons and with all armour (heavy, medium and light) and shields (including tower shields)


    Construct Body :The Maug loses all previous racial modifiers and receives the Construct type (which grants darkvision 60'), medium size, 40 ft. land speed, and 2 natural slam attacks dealing 1d8+strength modifier damage. A maug is able to wear armor.
    Spoiler
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    • No Constitution score.
    • Darkvision out to 60 feet.
    • Immunity to all mind-affecting effects (charms, compulsions, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects).
    • Immunity to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, disease, death effects, and necromancy effects.
    • Not subject to critical hits, nonlethal damage, ability drain, ability damage, fatigue or exhaustion, or energy drain.
    • Immunity to any effect that requires a Fortitude save (unless the effect also works on objects or is harmless).
    • Not at risk of death from massive damage, but when reduced to 0 hit points or less, it is immediately destroyed
    • Never being alive to begin with, a construct cannot be raised or resurrected. It can only be revived by a wish, limited wish, miracle, or by reconstructing the Maug's body (requiring 10000 gp worth of specially treated alloys- or the golem's previous body, and a DC 18 Stonecrafting check) and then a reincarnate spell, which will always put the Maug's soul into the new effigy.
    • Constructs does not breathe, eat, or sleep.


    Just some more formatting suggestions, I feel the class looks better with a tighter list.

    A maug also gains natural armor equal to it’s strength modifier

    The maugs also get a +4 bonus to Craft (stonemasonry) and Knowledge (architecture and engineering) checks.

    The Maug also gains 1 HP per HD. For every 5 HD that it has the bonus increase by 1.

    Each of these sentences all begin the same way, maybe look into varying or linking them together in some way. It just sounds weird to say they get something and then have a bunch of other points right after it on seperate lines going 'also this' and 'also this' and 'also this.'

    The HP bonus ability could be something like: "gains a bonus +1HP per HD, this bonuses increases by +1 for every 5HD


    Pulverize:As a free action, 1 time per HD per day, A maug is able to overcome any DR and hardness of an object or creature with all it's attack for 1 round.

    I'd suggest some rewording here as well, it gets the point across but sounds a little awkward.

    Rapid Repair: A Maug gains fast healing equal to half his HD.

    Growth: A muag grows to large size.

    Grafts:Grafts are upgrades for the maug, He may choose one graft at level 2.

    Since there's no options for obtaining more grafts, why not just say that upon reaching level two they gain a graft. Also since this ability comes before Rapid Repair and Growth, it should be placed above them in the class description.

    Having the main ability description and then references a table below everything else would be fine, but might as well have everything in one place since you've got it spoilered.


    Spoiler
    Show
    Shoving arm
    The shoving arm is attached to the waist of a maug. This arm allows the maug to make a bull rushed attack with no attack of oppertunity each round.It also gives a bonus to bull rush attemps equal to the maug's HD.

    Since it's essentially the same, why not simply grant Improved Bull Rush as a bonus feat except the bonus to opposed strength checks equals the Maug's HD.

    Shudder plate
    A maug with a shudder plate gains the tremorsense ability with a range of 5ft/2HD.The shudder plate takes no item slot and it still permits the wear of armor.

    Seems straightforward, might want to mention where it's attached or what it looks like.

    Wrist Razors:
    Various retractable spikes, blades and appendages spring out from around and on the maug's hand: its slam attacks now deal piercing and slashing.The damage of the maug's slam also increase by one step.

    I'd reverse the order, note that it's damage die increases one step and then the damage types. It also might be worth it to have the option of deal bludgeoning, piercing or slashing, just to add versatility.

    Long Legs:
    The Maug gains Run as a bonus feat, gets a bonus to jump checks equal to 1/2 his HD, and gains a +10' bonus to move speed.

    Straightforward, does this change their height any?

    Stone Spiliter
    With the stone spilter graft a maug is now able to fire bullets that damage 1d6 (for a medium sized maug) with a critical of 19/20X2. A maug is able to fire 1 bullet,as a free action,a round.It can hold up to 50 sling bullets.This graft reloads automaticly.

    Some clarification would be nice, also maybe 'spitter'? What's the action to load sling bullets into the weapon? What's the type of damage of the projectile? Can the spitter be enchanted? Maybe have the option to use it for normal attacks as well?

    Grappling Hook:
    The Maug gains a chain & hook attached to his palm and spooled in his arm, which he can launch up to a distance of 30 feet plus 5 per HD, as a ranged touch attack. If successful, the Maug makes a grapple check as if he had the improved grapple feat. If successful, the foe is dragged into the Maug's square or the Maug is dragged to the foe's square (Maug's choice), and the grapple goes on as normal.
    An additional application of this upgrade allows the Maug to deal an additional 1d8+strength modifier (or 2d6+str if large sized) constriction damage each turn of the grapple.

    It might be simpler saying that once per round (or however long, considering for reload time) it can initiate a grapple with a ranged touch attack against a creature within 30ft +5ft/HD. It should probably require an opposed strength check to pull a creature into your square, maybe you getting pulled into theirs on a failure?

    There's currently no options for additional grafts, so the second portion of the ability makes no sense if they only gain one graft. Constriction usually works to deal extra damage on a successful grapple check, so maybe clarify that as well.
    A fairly solid class overall, just some finesse and polish remaining I think.

    I'll see about putting up another couple later this afternoon or this evening.
    Homebrew Monster Classes:
    Arcadian Avenger|Thorn|Marrash|Justice Archon

  9. - Top - End - #489
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes: Come in and help out!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Spoiler
    Show
    • Monster image should be unspoilered. It's one of the key ways we have of letting people skimming the thread know that there's a monster class there.
    • I'd recommend changing the repeated, different cases of chiseled path to have different names, to reduce confusion & make for tidier character sheets.
    • Natural attacks; need to note whether they gain strength bonus to damage. (2x, 1.5, strength mod or ½ str mod).
    • Chiseled Path, Offense, Lesser:
      • The whole 'see the rogue class' for details is kind of a bother, and a bit of a shortcut. It's not bad, per se, but it causes a lot of hassle for a player who looks up the monster class for ability details & then is redirected to look elsewhere. Consider a copy-paste of the sneak attack rules inside a spoiler.
    • Chiseled Path, Defense:
      • Tough Skin is a little confusing to someone not familiar with the conversion of multiple natural armor. Clarify?
      • Rather than hardness (which is perplexing), how about just DR?
      • The bonus of runecarved body really, really needs to be toned down. A +10 bonus at level 20 will make you pass pretty much every save.
    • Freeze: I'm wondering how useful this would be. I mean, any foe with an intelligence higher than 6 is going to know the statue is probably a real gargoyle, especially if it appears in a forest, mountain, open plain, etc.
    • Stone Cold Metabolism:
      • As capstone abilities go, it's fairly narrow in application. What happens to conditions (bleeding, buffs, penalties, curses, shaken, stunned, poisoned, diseased?) on the gargoyle after the state is entered/exited?
    1. Done, though I need a new name for Carved Mobility.

    2. Primary natural attacks get 1.5X, secondary natural attacks get .5X, as normal (IIRC, if not I'll add a note, and may do that later anyway).

    3. Copy-pasted sneak attack details into Ambush Hunter, sorry about that.

    4. Done.

    5. Hardness is almost effectively the same, but allows use in Stone Cold Metabolism.

    6. Changed it to 1/3 HD, will lower to 1/4 if that's still too good. Or I could make it an enhancement bonus, so it won't stack with Cloak of Resistance, in which case I'll probably keep it as it is (though I might change it back).

    7. Added a feign death capability and a note suggesting it is used for that often. Not all statues of gargoyles are going to be Gargoyles. It might be useful for guarding a large building with lots of inanimate, statue gargoyles, like a church of Kord (which is still going to want minor evil spirits out, but won't put up with living, usually CE Gargoyles). A bit contrived, but I've added a Con bonus to give the level a little more 'oomph'.

    8. I've added some clarifications, but until I've finished them you're advised to use your common sense. You won't bleed, for example, because you are essentially a block of stone. Also, Statuesque Perfection (formerly Chiseled Path (Perfection) is supposed to be the capstone, Stone Cold is supposed to be a Freeze upgrade, sorry if that wasn't clear. I could make Statuesque two abilities from the list, which it was briefly during writing before I decided it was too much for level 4 and lowered it to one before posting.

    Thanks for the help, I really needed it.

  10. - Top - End - #490
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    2. Primary natural attacks get 1.5X, secondary natural attacks get .5X, as normal (IIRC, if not I'll add a note, and may do that later anyway).
    Not always the standard, as far as I've seen in this thread. When in doubt, provide the information to the player.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    3. Copy-pasted sneak attack details into Ambush Hunter, sorry about that.
    No worries. It's not a mandatory thing, and you could get away without doing it, but it's nice for your players' sakes to provide the info.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    5. Hardness is almost effectively the same, but allows use in Stone Cold Metabolism.
    I'd just make it DR, and have it translate to hardness in that form. Save people the confusion.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    6. Changed it to 1/3 HD, will lower to 1/4 if that's still too good. Or I could make it an enhancement bonus, so it won't stack with Cloak of Resistance, in which case I'll probably keep it as it is (though I might change it back).
    That's still too good. If anything, tie it to a stat (like Hexblades do, IIRC).

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    7. Added a feign death capability and a note suggesting it is used for that often. Not all statues of gargoyles are going to be Gargoyles. It might be useful for guarding a large building with lots of inanimate, statue gargoyles, like a church of Kord (which is still going to want minor evil spirits out, but won't put up with living, usually CE Gargoyles). A bit contrived, but I've added a Con bonus to give the level a little more 'oomph'.
    The specific terrain viability is fine with a monster, but sucks for a PC who is going to be in that specific environment (a building with gargoyles) maybe 5% of the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by ScionoftheVoid View Post
    8. I've added some clarifications, but until I've finished them you're advised to use your common sense. You won't bleed, for example, because you are essentially a block of stone. Also, Statuesque Perfection (formerly Chiseled Path (Perfection) is supposed to be the capstone, Stone Cold is supposed to be a Freeze upgrade, sorry if that wasn't clear. I could make Statuesque two abilities from the list, which it was briefly during writing before I decided it was too much for level 4 and lowered it to one before posting.
    Good stuff. Not a bad stab at gargoyle, though I think it perhaps needs more things in its toolbox as far as stuff it can do in combat (it can hide, but that doesn't work too well, it can turn to stone, but that's awkward actionwise and doesn't do much to help).

  11. - Top - End - #491
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    Dwarf Ancestor

    4th version.

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    [Original Post][2nd Version.][3rd Version - Edited]
    Alignment: Any
    Hit Die: d10
    Class Skills: The dwarf ancestor's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Climb (Str), Intimidate (Cha), Knowledge: History (Int), Knowledge: The Planes (Int), Listen (Wis), & Spot (Wis).

    Skill Points at 1st level: (4 + Int mod) x4.
    Skill Points at each additional level: 4+ Int modifier.

    {table=head]Level|BAB|Fort|Ref|Will|Special Ability
    1|+1|+2|+0|+0|Ancestor Body, Ancestral Spirit +1, Ancestral Knowledge, +1 Str
    2|+2|+3|+0|+0|Power Attack, Dwarven Warcraft, +1 Con
    3|+3|+3|+1|+1|Dwarven Hammer, Hardening, +1 Str
    4|+4|+4|+1|+1|Moderate Fortification, Ancestral Spirit +2, +1 Con
    5|+5|+4|+1|+1|Stone Hammer, Blink Out, Growth, +1 Str,
    6|+6/+1|+5|+2|+2|Stone Warcraft, Improved Hardening, +1 Con
    [/table]


    Ancestor Body: At 1st level the dwarf ancestor loses all other racial traits and becomes an outsider with the native subtype. The dwarf ancestor has the following characteristics:
    • Darkvision 60ft
    • Proficient with all simple and martial weapons. Not proficient with any type of armor or shields.
    • Does not need to eat, sleep, or breath, but can still benefit from the effects of consumable spells and magic items such as heroes' feats and potions. Spellcasters must still rest for 8 hours before regaining spells for the day.
    • Natural Armor bonus equal to Constitution modifier
    • Damage Reduction (Adamantine) equal to Half Hit Die (minimum DR 1/Adamantine).
    • Living Plate
    • Light Fortification
    • Dwarven Heritage

    • Living Plate: The Dwarf Ancestor's body is actually a form of living stone that provides a +4 armor bonus and resembles full plate. This living plate is not natural armor and does not stack with other effects that give an armor bonus (other than natural armor). The living plate occupies the same space on the body as a suit of armor or a robe, and thus a dwarf ancestor cannot wear armor or magic robes. Dwarf ancestors can be enchanted just as armor can, though the ancestor dwarf must be present for the entire time it takes to enchant him.

      Living plate also provides an dwarf ancestor with a 5% arcane spell failure chance, though any class ability that allows an ancestor dwarf to ignore the arcane spell failure chance for light armor lets him ignore this penalty as well.
    • Light Fortification (Ex): When a critical hit or sneak attack is scored on a dwarf ancestor, there is a 25% chance that the critical hit or sneak attack is negated and damage is instead rolled normally.
    • Dwarven Heritage (Ex): The dwarf ancestor counts as a dwarf for the purposes of qualifying for feats and prestige classes, as well as using dwarf only magic items.


    Ancestral Spirit (Su): At 1st level the dwarf ancestor gains the ancestral spirit ability. Any ally within 30ft of the dwarf ancestor gains a +1 morale bonus on attack rolls and damage rolls. This bonus increases by +1 every 4 character levels. The dwarf ancestor does not receive this bonus.

    Ancestral Knowledge (Ex): As 1st level the dwarf ancestor gains ancestral knowledge. Levels in dwarven ancestor count as fighter levels for the purpose of qualifying for feats that require a minimum number of fighter levels.

    Power Attack (Ex): At 2nd level the dwarf ancestor gains Power Attack as a bonus feat.

    Dwarven Warcraft (Ex): At 2nd level The dwarven ancestor learns the fighting technique of the heroic dwarven defenders. The dwarf ancestor may move through non-magical difficult terrain (such as rubble, undergrowth, steep slopes, stairs, or snow) at normal speed and without suffering any other impairments. In addition the dwarf ancestor gains a +8 bonus on attempts to resist bull rushes and a +4 bonus on grapple checks to resist a grapple attempt if that grapple would move him into another square.

    Dwarven Hammer (Ex): At 3rd level the dwarf ancestor's link to the material plane grows stronger, enhancing his body and increasing his sturdiness. Whenever a dwarf ancestor is subject to a size modifier or special size modifier for an opposed check (such as during grapple checks, bull rush attempts, and trip attempts), the dwarf ancestor is treated as one size larger if doing so is advantageous to him. A dwarf ancestor is also considered to be one size larger when determing when determining whether a creature's special attacks based on size (such as improved grab or swallow whole) can affect him. A dwarf ancestor can use weapons designed for a creature one size larger without penalty. However, his space and reach remain those of a creature of his actual size. The benefits of this racial trait stack with the effects of powers, abilities, and spells that change the subject's size category.

    Hardening (Ex): At 3rd level the armor bonus provided by the dwarf ancestors living plate increases to +6.

    Moderate Fortification (Ex): At 4th level the dwarf ancestor gains moderate fortification. When a critical hit or sneak attack is scored on a dwarf ancestor, there is a 75% chance that the critical hit or sneak attack is negated and damage is instead rolled normally.

    Stone Hammer (Su): At 5th level the dwarf ancestor gains the ability to strike the ground with his weapon as a standard action causing a localized earthquake. All enemies standing on the ground within 20ft of the dwarf ancestor must make a Reflex save (DC 10 + 1/2 the dwarf ancestor's HD + the dwarf ancestors Strength modifier) or fall prone and take 1d4 points of nonlethal damage. Enemies that make their Reflex negate both falling prone and the damage.

    The damage increases by +1d4 every 2 HD the dwarf ancestor has.

    Blink Out (Su): A dwarf ancestor of at least 5th level may once per encounter as a free action become incorpreal until the beginning of his next turn. Activating this ability is a free action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

    Growth (Ex): At 5th level the dwarf ancestor connection between the spiritual and material realms is strengthed again and he increases in size to Large (tall). This ability stacks with the effect of Dwarven Hammer and the dwarf ancestor is now treated as Huge for the purposes of size modifiers, spell attacks based on size, and wielding weapons. He retains the reach of a Large creature.

    Stone Warcraft (Ex): At 6th level the dwarf ancestor learns the stone warcraft ability. The dwarf ancestor reaches out to the earth and stone beneath him, buckling the ground and rippling the dirt. While you are standing on the ground, any opponent that begins its turn in your threatened area treats all the squares that you threaten as difficult terrain.

    Improved Hardening (Ex): At 6th level the armor bonus provided by the dwarf ancestors living plate increases to +8.

    Tome of Battle Adaptation
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    If your campaign is using the Tome of Battle make the following changes to the Dwarf Ancestor.
    • Ancestral Knowledge (Ex): Levels in dwarven ancestor are counted as full initiator levels when used to determine the initiator level of a multiclass dwarven ancestor/initiating class (crusader, swordsage, warblade). Most initiating dwarven ancestors are Crusaders.
    • Dwarven Warcraft, Dwarven Hammer, Stone Warcraft, & Stone Hammer all count as Stone Dragon maneuvers for the purposes of qualifying for higher level manuevers that require a certain number of manuevers known from that discipline.


    Comments/Changelog
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    Updated: 1/1/2011

    Ancestral Spirit now excludes the dwarf ancestor.
    Dwarven Hammer is now Powerful Build.
    Stone Hammer is now an area of effect attack that simulates a small earthquake. It scales in damage and effects with HD.

    I clarified the wording on the Adaptation as I think my intent was unclear.

    Updated: 12/14/2010

    Changed the Dwarven/Stone Warcraft/Hammer abilities. As before they were basically just copies of the ToB maneuvers/stances Bonecrusher, Iron Guards Glare, & Thicket of Blades. Now they let the dwarf ancestor ignore difficult terrain and give him a focus for his combat abilities - bull rush. He is better at resisting them and better at making them. At 5th level the character qualifies for the Knockback feat so he can make bull rushes with power attacks.

    So instead of getting a flat damage boost he's got some tactical options. Knockback & Shock Trooper are both prime choices.

    Regarding Dungeoncrasher: The race/class is a good setup for it but the character would still need to take fighter levels because dungeoncrasher is about sacrificing fighter bonus feats, not taking a feat that requires a specific amount of fighter levels.

    2 levels of Fighter to grab the first bit of Dungeoncrasher would be ECL 8. Normally that's when a Fighter 8 would already have the advanced version of dungeoncrasher, but the dwarf ancestor has more defenses than that Fighter would have, so it's a trade off.

    With the drop of the damage bonus attacks the +3 strength bonus and full bab shouldn't be an issue anymore.

    Updated: 12/12/2010

    I removed Cleave & Supreme Cleave and reduced the ability bonuses to +3 Str, +3 Con, staggered out over the levels. I increased the fortification to moderate and made Ancestral Spirit scale with character levels.

    Added in two abilities that mimic two Devoted Spirit stances and two abilites that mimic two Stone Dragon maneuvers.

    In a ToB campaign these abilities help with a multiclassed dwarven ancestor. In a regular game the dwarven ancestor instead uses his levels in dwaren ancestor to qualify for fighter feats.

    The DA also can use dwarf only magic items and can take dwarf only feats and prestige classes.

    Overall the class now has things it can do in combat - technically. It gets a basic attack that does better damage. It's passive abilities help out in combat, by focusing the enemies attacks on itself and having enemies provoke AoO's. Moderate Fortification is also a big boost for combat staying power.


    Original Comments:
    I took a page from the Warforged and gave the dwarf ancestor a version of composite plating that can be enchanted. The armor bonus increases as the dwarf ancestor gains levels until at level 6 the living plate grants a +8 armor bonus.

    The dwarf ancestor's natural armor gets reduced significantly to balance this, thereby avoiding the trap of having a really high natural armor bonus but not being able to wear armor.

    Blink Out is modified to once per encounter and Ancestral Spirit is changed to all allies (not just dwarves).

    Supreme Cleave helps out with an otherwise lack-luster combat option.

    Overall the dwarf ancestor is a simple tank, with a high armor class and good damage reduction. It doesn't come with advanced combat tactics built in but is instead a good chassis for melee characters.


    Today's Comments
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    Responding to some of Hyudra's comments (all quotes are hers).

    Either give it full BAB and take away the strength/aura bonus or take away the full BAB. If you can't do either in good conscience because it lacks genuinely desirable combat options, then that's just pointing to a clear problem in the design.
    That's false. There is a third option and it's that I disagree with the bruisers don't get full BAB policy as I've already explained.

    Dwarven hammer grants a feat, but still counts as a maneuver in the tome of battle adaptation box.
    I could understand that with the class feature that grants the bull rushes on certain attacks, perhaps, but the class feature that lets you know Improved Bull Rush? It's odd for that to somehow count against your maneuvers.
    It seems like you were interpreting the adaptations to mean that when you take a level in a ToB class the adaptation abilities would replace whatever maneuvers you would normally know from the Tob level. That is not the case. The adaptations sole purpose is to allow you to qualify for higher level manuevers that require a certain number of manuevers known from that discipline.

    After rereading the exact text of what I wrote I can see how that interpretation is possible. I'll reword it so it's clearer.

    Right, but it's still more boring, passive and less involved than what you had before, which was a great ability to define the Dwarf Ancestor's role as a tank. Immunity to difficult terrain is just kind of plain. It has, much as you stated in the quoted text here, more or less been done several times before.
    The reason I pointed to the other classes was to emphasize that it's an ability that melee classes need, regardless of whether you consider it boring.
    Last edited by Chambers; 2011-01-12 at 07:32 PM. Reason: typos
    "We have sent many to Hell, to smooth our way," said I, "and we are standing yet and holding blades. What more?"

  12. - Top - End - #492
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    Can we avoid constantly reposting the same class, Chambers? That's at least twice now you've done so. It would make the thread a tad messy if everyone did it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crafty Cultist View Post
    Featured Creature!
    The Bleakborn
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    • In terms of general formatting, it would make the entry more readable if ability names were bolded or underlined.
    • Icy Touch - I don't know that it scales fast enough.
    • Fire Lover - not terribly clear as far as the "For every 3 point of fire damage an attack deals, the Bleakborn is instead healed 1 point of damage, gaining any excess as temporary hit points." - If an attack deals 5 damage, it deals 5, of which 3 become 1 point of healing and then the remainder 2, for 1 damage?
      • I'd clarify, or possibly state the Bleakborn is immune to fire, but damage it would take is turned to healing instead.
      • I'm wondering if there's ways to abuse this, by setting oneself on fire on a near-permanent basis. The natural extinguishing helps, but I have nagging doubts about the possibility of some permanent source of magical flame.
    • Turn Resistance really doesn't matter, because turn undead drops off in effectiveness to a severe extent, at later levels (past level 12, you're not going to make many/any turn attempts without ridiculous optimization).
    • Reading Heat Siphon, I'm concerned about the extra book-keeping. Fire damage becomes healing, which means a number of extra calculations and notations on one's character sheet mid-combat.
    • Heat Draining Aura:
      • The fact that this is severely limited by the presence of teammates is a problem. Dark Knight pal is standing next to you, so you're forced to effectively turn the ability off. Is not conducive to teamwork. Consider allowing one to exclude teammates instead?
      • I don't like automatic damage, especially to the range and/or extent we're talking about here.
    • Greater Icy Touch - You want 'fourth', not forth.
    • Ice Ward has awkwardly slow progression. 5 DR at 20th is nothing to write home about.
    • Undying chill is... finnicky. It doesn't stipulate that the effect ends, so I don't know that you'd ever die, provided your will save was properly supported.
    • Frost Nova doesn't do it for me, really. A bunch of references to other abilities that forces a lot of constant checking over of the creature entry (what heat siphon does & how much, accurate dexterity damage), making it kind of unintuitive for regular play.


    I mean no offense when I say this, but I don't know why this creature was featured. It doesn't feel within arm's length of being done, and the author isn't active in the thread, anyways. A lot of stuff needs a fair bit of tweaking here.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2010-12-14 at 06:47 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Can we avoid constantly reposting the same class, Chambers? That's at least twice now you've done so. It would make the thread a tad messy if everyone did it.
    Okay. I was reposting it because there were changes made to it. Didn't know we weren't supposed to do that.
    "We have sent many to Hell, to smooth our way," said I, "and we are standing yet and holding blades. What more?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chambers View Post
    Okay. I was reposting it because there were changes made to it. Didn't know we weren't supposed to do that.
    'Tis why they get linked to on the first page, so we don't have to.

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    A note on the Bleakborn that I just noticed, I never actually nominated the class yet. I said I would consider nominating the class after all the bits involving fire damage got cleaned up, and posed a question involving the interaction against creatures such as fire elementals.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gorgondantess View Post
    Tumble is the skill used to avoid falling damage.

    Huh... Right. I guess I've been misreading the falling damage rules.

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    Agreed, a link is a good way to show your work with little space cluttered... Can we maybe add that to the thread rules (if not already added, I'm blind)?

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    Now that I've looked over the Purple Worm properly, I would like to nominate it. There is only one thing I noticed: 'Class Skill Skills' should be reduced to 'Class Skills', but that's formatting rather than mechanics.

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    Any more votey nominatey things for the Phrenic Creature?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kajhera View Post
    Now that I've looked over the Purple Worm properly, I would like to nominate it. There is only one thing I noticed: 'Class Skill Skills' should be reduced to 'Class Skills', but that's formatting rather than mechanics.
    Good catch, there, Kaj. Fixed. Funny how the human brain is so bad at detecting repeat words.

    Niezck:

    I initially skipped over the Phrenic creature because I honestly don't ever use Psionics in my campaigns (I use the SLA variants for psionic creatures, tbh.), and feared I wouldn't be able to offer you a good review. Still, in the interest of getting you a few steps closer to done, here's my best shot at it:

    Quote Originally Posted by Niezck View Post
    Phrenic Creature
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    • Prerequisites:
      • Ritual cost? Length? Can it be performed solo or does it require the assistance of a psion or psionic creature?
      • Be precise about 'Special' - Something like, "In a single encounter, brought from above half health to -5 or less hitpoints and survived without assistance."
    • I don't know why the creature name is blue, throughout the entry. It's distracting and meaningless.
    • Table needs to be polished. Shorten table entries like "Base Attack Bonus" to take multiple lines or use shorthand (such as "BAB"), ditto for saves.
    • Phrenic Powers:
      • "These powers are useable 1/X/day, where X is their highest available level. " is awkwardly worded, and I can't really interpret how it might work.
      • Spelling error: Minmum.
      • I'm afraid I can't comment on the rate of power acquisition. It seems fair, if I translate it roughly to equivalent level spells. That said, I think it might be a little too easy to swap out your known skills. Perhaps, every time you wake up from 6 hours of sleep (Which, to me, makes more sense in line with a creature using psionics) you can change one known power for another?
    • Psionic Release:
      • Isn't that fantastic, powerwise. Figure the standard for a breath weapon is 1d6 per level and that offers an AoE, and cools down every 1d4 rounds.
      • Consider bumping up to 1d6 per level?
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2010-12-15 at 11:49 AM.

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    Just a quick note why the name is blue, in ChumpLump's class template, the creature name is always in blue, to indicate that it should be replaced with the actual name of the creature. For those using such a template, remember, the blue is not part of the template.
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    I'll nominate the purple worm.
    As for the phrenic creature, looks like the capstone ability is supposed to be reminiscent of an eldritch blast- the balancing factor of a dragon's breath weapon is that it deals elemental damage. The phrenic's blast ability is untyped. If you don't have PR, you're taking the damage, period. That's a pretty potent factor, especially if you're optimizing it- just ask any good mailman and they'll tell you the same.
    Anyways, I'm nominating the Phrenic Creature. It's not perfect, and the capstone could be better, but the focus is on the powers, and I just love the mechanic you used there, Niezck. I wonder why.

    Hyudra: On the awakened cat, I understand your misgivings 100%, and I disagree with all of them 100%. Okay, 95%. Let's break it down.
    On the flavor, yeah, okay, it's pretty silly, and monster classes r srz biznes gaiz. I understand that. Nevertheless, it had to be done. I have seen no less than 2 awakened cat only PbP games on this forum, and at least a half-dozen awakened cats as suggested characters. All of them were at least of somewhat comical bent. We need to make an awakened cat class, and it works perfectly well if it's kindof silly, because playing an awakened cat is kindof silly. It'll bring more people into the thread. Trust me.
    Now, as for the warlock thing, yeah it's an amazing race/dip for a warlock. So are another half dozen other things. The pixie class is an even better dip! Or, hell, the pixie race, even with that +4 LA. Spellthief is also an excellent dip if you're packing master spellthief, and just about any small or smaller race is a superb race for a warlock- kobolds (hell yes kobolds), whisper gnomes, water halflings/strongheart haflings, the list goes on and on. And none of these make it broken. The fact of the matter is, even with the awakened cat it's still going to be balanced. The warlock class is very difficult to break- it's a tier 4! Throwing in awakened cat and some moderate optimization puts it at tier 3, which is right where it should be. If someone wants to combine warlock with this, then I say more power to 'em.
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    Not on for long, but I looked over the Ankheg again, and it looks finished and fun to me, so I'll give it my nomination. Incidentally, this makes it our first new finished monster. Hoorah!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magicyop View Post
    Not on for long, but I looked over the Ankheg again, and it looks finished and fun to me, so I'll give it my nomination. Incidentally, this makes it our first new finished monster. Hoorah!
    Excellent, thank you! ^^ Let us celebrate! Erm, I know I said I have a trumpet archon waiting but I'm not particularly happy with it yet, so I might hold off a bit.

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    Remorhaz
    Monster Manual/SRD
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    Remorhaz, a base character class
    Hit Dice: d10

    {table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Class Features

    1st|
    +0
    |
    +2
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |Remorhaz Body, Rush, +1 Strength

    2nd|
    +1
    |
    +3
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |Heat, Ambush, +1 Strength

    3rd|
    +2
    |
    +3
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Feel the Burn, Lurker in the Wastes, +1 Constitution

    4th|
    +3
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Cobra Strike, Toss, +1 Strength

    5th|
    +3
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Growth, Improved Grab, Tremorsense 30ft, +1 Strength

    6th|
    +4
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +2
    |Pyroclastic Belch, +1 Constitution

    7th|
    +5
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +2
    |Swallow Whole, Fiery Surge, +1 Strength
    [/table]
    Skills Points at 1st Level: (2+Intelligence Modifier) x 4
    Skills Points at Each Level: (2+Intelligence Modifier)
    Class Skills: The Remorhaz’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Hide (Dex), Intimidate (Cha), Listen (Wis), Move Silently (Dex), Spot (Wis), Survival (Wis), Swim (Str)

    Proficiencies: A Remorhaz gains proficiency with its natural weapons, but with no armor or shields.

    Remorhaz Class Features: The following are the Class Features of the Remorhaz.

    Remorhaz Body:
    The Remorhaz loses all racial traits, and gains Magical Beast traits(basically Darkvision 60 ft and Low-light Vision). The Remorhaz is a medium magical beast, with a long, many-legged, segmented body, and the reach of a long creature of its size category. It has a base land speed of 30 ft, a bite attack that deals 1d10+ 1.5*STR damage, Tremorsense 10 ft.(Which increases by 10 ft every 3 HD thereafter), and natural armor equal to its CON modifier.

    A Remorhaz lacks the limbs for fine manipulation, and cannot use weapons or shields. A Remorhaz can understand speech, but without much practice(requiring the expenditure of two skill points) it cannot speak. Otherwise, someone who has been in the Remorhaz’s company for a week can understand its body language and natural noises enough to recognize basic emotions and needs such as ‘danger’, ‘hunger’, and ‘gratitude’.

    Ability Score Increases: A Remorhaz gains +1 Strength every level of the class except 3rd and 6th level, and +1 Constitution at 3rd and 6th level, for a total of +5 Strength, and +2 Constitution.

    Rush: A Remorhaz can make a devastating lunge to toss enemies about like rag dolls. At the end of a charge during the first round of combat, or if the enemy is considered flat-footed, a Remorhaz can declare a Rush instead of a normal attack, dealing 1d10+ 2*STR damage(bludgeoning). This attack gains the normal bonuses and penalties of a charge. If the attack hits, the Remorhaz can immediately attempt a bull-rush. If the result would move the opponent more then 5 ft, the Remorhaz does not need to follow them.

    Heat: Beginning at 2nd level, an enraged Remorhaz produces a wave of heat that sears anything near it. As a swift action, a Remorhaz can activate his heat aura, which lasts for a number of rounds equal to 3+Con modifier. Anything touching the body of a Remorhaz takes 1d6 points of fire damage. Creatures successfully striking a Remorhaz with natural attacks, grapple, or unarmed attacks are subject to this damage, but creatures striking with melee weapons do not take damage from the Remorhaz’s heat. However, this damage does not apply to the Remohaz's own natural attacks. The damage increases by 1d6 every two levels, becoming 2d6 at 4th level, 3d6 at 6th level, etc. The Remorhaz can use this abilty 1/day/4HD(minimum 1). Ending Heat is a free action.

    At 11 HD, any creature that strikes the Remorhaz with a melee weapon that does not have reach is subject to Heat damage.

    At 16 HD, anytime a creature does piercing or slashing damage to the Remorhaz, anyone nearby is subject to a spray of superheated bodily fluids, dealing Heat damage to any creature in a 15ft cone(starting at the creature striking the Remorhaz, and extending directly away from the Remorhaz), with a reflex save DC (10+ 1/2HD+ Con modifier) for half damage.

    Ambush: Beginning at 2nd level, a Remorhaz becomes an expert at not only catching creatures off guard, but knocking them down to never get up again. When a Remorhaz initiates a bull rush against a creature that is denied its dexterity bonus to AC and moves the creature at least one square, the Remorhaz can choose to knock the defender prone. This ability does not function with the Rush special ability.

    Feel the Burn: At 3rd level, a Remorhaz’s natural body heat radiates outwards, making it uncomfortable to stand nearby. While using the Heat ability, a radius of extreme heat emanates 5ft/3HD from the Remorhaz, visible as a distortion in the air. Any creature spending their entire turn within this radius must make a Fort save(DC 10+Con modifier) or be fatigued. Repeated exposure to this ability stacks, and another failed Fort save can result in exhaustion. However, spending a full round resting outside of the radius negates any previously incurred conditions. Activating and dismissing this ability is a free action. Also, with a full round action at any time, the Remorhaz can stand next to an inanimate object and focus its inner heat on the object, dealing Fire damage equal to twice its Constitution score that ignores the object’s hardness.

    Lurker in the Wastes: Starting at 3rd level, a Remorhaz becomes fully attuned to itself and its environment, becoming a terrible fiery predator among the ice fields. The Remorhaz can shuffle itself into the ground like a giant stingray, lying in wait for its prey. When standing on ice or earth, the Remorhaz can bury its entire body as a full-round action. This grants the Remorhaz cover, and a +4 bonus to Hide checks. However, movement is extremely restricted, and the Remorhaz can only move 5ft as a full round action. The Remorhaz also gains resistance to fire and cold equal to ½ HD.

    At 6 HD, a Remorhaz gains a burrow speed of 10 ft through earth and ice. The Remorhaz's burrow speed improves by 5 ft every 3 HD thereafter.
    While its Heat ability is active, a Remorhaz's burrow speed through ice is increased to 1.5* the original speed, rounded down to the nearest 5 ft. increment.

    Cobra Strike: Beginning at 4th level, a Remorhaz can choose to stretch its body out when it attacks, extending its natural reach by 5 ft until the beginning of its turn on the next round. However, this leaves the main body open to attacks, imposing a -2 penalty to AC. As the Remorhaz grows, it can stretch further, but leaving itself even more vulnerable. For each size category the Remorhaz grows, it can extend its reach by an additional 5 ft while taking another -1 penalty to AC. So, a large Remorhaz can extend 10 ft, taking a -3 penalty to AC. A Remorhaz can choose to use less reach then is available to it, and thereby taking the lesser penalty to AC.

    Toss: At 4th level, the Remorhaz becomes a master at throwing his opponents exactly where it wants them. When a Remorhaz succeeds at a bull rush attempt, it can now choose to push the opponent 5ft sideways or up in addition to every 5ft he is shoved backwards.

    Growth: At 5th level, the Remorhaz grows from medium to large size, gaining size modifiers, reach, and increasing the damage of its natural attack as appropriate, but without changing its ability scores.

    At 12th level, the Remorhaz becomes Huge sized.

    At 19th level, the Remorhaz becomes Gargantuan.

    Improved Grab: A Remorhaz of 7th level or higher that lands a bite attack on an opponent can immediately initiate a grapple without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it seizes the victim in its jaws and may attempt to swallow whole the following round.

    Pyroclastic Belch:
    At 6th level, a Remorhaz learns to use its superheated interior to create its own flaming projectiles. As a standard action, a Remorhaz that is within reach of a surface made of ice, dirt, or stone can scoop up some of that surface in its mouth and project it as a devastating attack. If the surface is ice, then the result is a cone of steam (HD*5ft) long, and dealing (HD*1d6) fire damage, with a Reflex save, DC (10+1/2 HD+Con modifier) for half damage. If the surface is dirt or stone, then the result is a glob of red hot stone that works as a ranged touch attack with a (HD*10ft) range, and deals (HD*1d6) damage, half of which is fire damage, the other half is bludgeoning damage. A Remorhaz can only use this ability once per minute, as it takes some time to build up that much internal heat.

    Swallow Whole: A Remorhaz of 7th level or higher can swallow an opponent that it is grappling. To do this, it must succeed on another grapple check (as if to pin the opponent). If successful, it swallows the foe, delivering bite damage as it goes. Opponents to be swallowed must be at least one size category smaller than the Remorhaz.

    Swallowed foes are crushed each round, taking the same damage they would from a bite (but as blunt damage) and suffering from Heat damage, even if the Remorhaz is not currently using the Heat abilty. To escape, they must cut their way out through the worm's gizzard. To do so, they must attack with a light/natural slashing weapon and deliver at least 25 points of damage to the gizzard. The gizzard has an AC of (10+ 1/2 Natural armor). Once the creature escapes, muscular action closes the hole, and any creatures which are later swallowed have to cut their own exit.

    Fiery Surge: At 7th level, a Remorhaz becomes a rampaging creature of burning power. If a Remorhaz successfully attacks a creature at the end of a charge, it can pour its rage and inner heat into an enormous blast of superheated air. This deals fire damage equal to its Heat damage in a (1/3HD*5'ft) radius of the creature struck, with any creature other then that creature entitled to a reflex save DC (10+ 1/2HD+ Con modifier) for half damage. The creature struck, and any that fail reflex saves are also subject to being moved back to the edge of the radius, taking 1d6 damage for each 10ft moved. If a solid surface prevents the creature from moving any further, it takes another 1d6 points of damage as it strikes the surface. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity. The Remorhaz can use this ability 1/day/5HD.

    Comments/Changelog:
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    Comments
    Yay for a fiery beast that flings its enemies around like crazy! Its still rough, but I like it. Also, a special thanks to Chumplump for posting the monster template, or this would've taken an extra month while I figured out the table thing.

    Changelog
    12/16/10: Cleaned up typos, clarified Rush, the 11HD and 16HD Heat effect, and instituted that magical weapons of sufficient power are not affected by Heat. Also cleaned up Swallow Whole, a little, and gave consequences for Firey Surge pushing people into a wall.
    12/20/10: Dropped BAB to 3/4, added duration and stuff to Heat, moved Ambush to 2nd level(and gave it a save), and Burrow to 3rd. Also played around with Firey Surge dropped the damage on the earth use of Pyroclastic breath.
    1/12/11: Cleaned up Heat, again, added the bit about not applying to your natural attacks and knocked it down to 1/4 HD. Also knocked down the STR bonus, and fixed some long running typos and crap.
    2/1/2011: Lowered Heat to start at 1d6, fixed a little thing about him no longer being fatigued at 11HD after Heat, and made his burrow speed through ice a little faster when Heat is active.
    2/7/11: Fixed up some level/HD mix-ups, touched some flavor text, and changed Rush so that that you aren't using it on every charge. Got rid of Flexible, and replaced it with Property Destruction(part of which used to be part of Heat), and threw fire and cold resistance onto Lurker(now Lurker in the Wastes). And made the progressions for Burrow and Tremorsense a good bit more linear.
    3/2/11: Clarified the damage on Rush(hopefully), and replaced Property Destruction with Feel the Burn.

    Last edited by bladesmith; 2011-03-03 at 12:50 AM.
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  26. - Top - End - #506
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    Critique of Remorhaz

    1. could you please standardize the skills listing?
    2. Remorhaz body should say “Loses all other racial traits and gains magical beast traits”
    3. should say it has a base land speed of 30 feet. right now it just says land.
    4. I'd like it better as a player if the burrow speed scaled past level 6.
    5. The wording of Rush is a bit confusing.
    6. At 6 hd he gets an effect that destroys “Any melee weapon” but at 11 HD its “any non reach melee weapon” which is a step down. Also, it should be clarified that it doesn't work on natural weapons.
    7. Flexible is neat but may be a pain to keep track of.
    8. 2nd level abilities should come before third level abilities in the description.
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  27. - Top - End - #507
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    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    Remorhaz
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    Remorhaz, a base character class
    Hit Dice: d10

    {table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Class Features

    1st|
    +1
    |
    +2
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |Remorhaz Body, Rush, +1 Strength

    2nd|
    +2
    |
    +3
    |
    +0
    |
    +0
    |Heat, Burrow 10 ft, +1 Strength

    3rd|
    +3
    |
    +3
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Flexible, Ambush, +1 Strength. +1 Constitution

    4th|
    +4
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Cobra Strike, Toss, +1 Strength

    5th|
    +5
    |
    +4
    |
    +1
    |
    +1
    |Growth, Swallow Whole, Tremorsense 30ft, +1 Strength

    6th|
    +6
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +2
    |Burrow 20 ft, Pyroclastic Belch, +1 Strength, +1 Constitution

    7th|
    +7
    |
    +5
    |
    +2
    |
    +2
    |Improved Grab, Fiery Surge, +1 Strength
    [/table]
    Skills Points at 1st Level: (2+Intelligence Modifier) x 4
    Skills Points at Each Level: (2+Intelligence Modifier)
    Class Skills: The Remorhaz’s class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Hide (Dex), Intimidate (Cha), Listen (Wis), Move Silently (Dex), Spot (Wis), Survival (Wis), Swim (Str)

    Since this critter is 5 int and therefore a bit of a brute, leave 3/4 BAB open as an option.

    Proficiencies: A Remorhaz gains proficiency with its natural weapons, but with no armor or shields. A little redundant but no harm in that - probably good to specify.

    Remorhaz Class Features: The following are the Class Features of the Remorhaz.

    Remorhaz Body:
    The Remorhaz loses all racial traits, and Magical Beast traits(basically Darkvision 60 ft and Low-light Vision). The Remorhaz is a medium magical beast, with a long, many-legged, segmented body, and the reach of a long creature of its size category. It has a base land of 30 ft, a bite attack that deals 1d10+ 1.5*STR damage Nice bite., Tremorsense 15ft.(Which increases to 30 ft at 5th level, and 60 ft at 10th level) Scales a little different, but I'd say that's fine; put a space after 15ft., and natural armor equal to its CON modifier. Yeah, good.

    A Remorhaz lacks the limbs for fine manipulation, and cannot use weapons or shields. A Remorhaz can understand speech, but without much practice(requiring the expenditure of two skill points) it cannot speak. Otherwise, someone who has been in the Remorhaz’s company for a week can understand its body language and natural noises enough to recognize basic emotions and needs such as ‘danger’, ‘hunger’, and ‘gratitude’.

    At 2nd level, a Remorhaz gains a burrow speed of 10 ft through earth and ice. At 6th level, this burrow speed improves to 20 ft.

    Ability Score Increases: A Remorhaz gains +1 Strength every level of the class, and +1 Constitution at 3rd and 6th level, for a total of +7 Strength, and +2 Constitution.

    Rush: At first level, a Remorhaz can make a devastating lunge to toss enemies about like rag dolls. As the end of a charge, a Remorhaz can instead declare a Rush, which deals 1d10+ 2*STR damage. If the attack hits, the Remorhaz can immediately attempt a bull-rush. If the result would move the opponent more then 5 ft, the Remorhaz does not need to follow them. Cool. Does it still count as a charge?

    Heat: Beginning at second level, an enraged Remorhaz produces a wave of heat that sears anything near it. As a swift action, a Remorhaz can activate his heat aura, dealing 2d6 points of fire damage to creatures that attack it. This damage increases by 1d6 every two levels, becoming 3d6 at 4th level, 4d6 at 6th level, etc. Any creature that hits the Remorhaz with an unarmed strike or natural weapon are subject to this damage.

    At 6 HD, any weapon that strikes the Remorhaz is subject to being destroyed by the sheer heat of the Remorhaz’s blood. Any melee weapon that strikes the Remorhaz must make a Fortitude save DC (10+1/2 HD+ Con modifier) or be destroyed. ...I know the creature doesn't have any exceptions, but I daresay there might be certain weapons not subject to melting or charring...

    At 11 HD, the ability affects any creature that strikes the Remorhaz with any melee weapon that does not have reach. Okay, what? The creature must make a fortitude save or be destroyed? Or are you talking about the heat aura that deals fire damage to things? Clarify.

    At 16 HD, anytime a creature does piercing or slashing damage to the Remorhaz, it is subject to a spray of superheated bodily fluids, dealing Heat damage to any creature wielding a non-reach weapon, with a reflex save DC (10+ 1/2HD+ Con modifier) for half damage. How much heat damage, that's not a type - ohh, you're referring back to the ability. Just write it out again. Wait ... that was one of the options for 11HD ... leaving me to conclude that the creature must make a fort save or be destroyed there... you'd better clarify this.

    Flexible: Starting from third level, the Remorhaz cannot be knocked down and may constrict itself through spaces as though it were one size category smaller. In addition, should the Remorhaz increase in size to such a point that they occupy multiple spaces (likely by way of the Growth class feature, below, and/or magical effects), the Remorhaz may forego their usual 5 foot step to reconfigure the positioning of their body, changing from occupying a square shaped space to an irregular section of ground. Remorhaz who use do this must maintain the same total number of spaces (a remorhaz with 10' space is 4 tiles) and each occupied space must have a horizontal or vertical connection to another part of the remorhaz.
    Sculpt body! Woo.

    Ambush: Beginning at 2nd level, a Remorhaz becomes an expert at not only catching creatures off guard, but knocking them down to never get up again. When a Remorhaz strikes a creature that is denied its dexterity bonus to AC, it automatically knocks the creature prone.

    Cobra Strike: Beginning at 4th level, a Remorhaz can choose to stretch its body out when it attacks, extending its natural reach by 5 ft for one round. However, this leaves the main body open to attacks, imposing a -2 penalty to AC.

    Toss: At 4th level, the Remorhaz becomes a master at throwing his opponents exactly where it wants them. When a Remorhaz succeeds at a bull rush attempt, it can now choose to push the opponent 5ft sideways or up for every 5ft he is shoved backwards.

    Growth: At 5th level, the Remorhaz grows from medium to large size, increasing the damage of its natural attack by one step.

    At 12th level, the Remorhaz becomes Huge sized.

    At 19th level, the Remorhaz becomes Gargantuan.

    Swallow Whole: A Remorhaz of 5th level or higher can swallow an opponent that it is grappling. To do this, it must succeed on another grapple check (as if to pin the opponent). If successful, it swallows the foe, delivering bite damage as it goes. Opponents to be swallowed must be at least one size category smaller than the Remorhaz.

    Swallowed foes are crushed each round, taking the same damage they would from a bite (but as blunt damage) and suffering from Heat damage. To escape, they must cut their way through of the worm's gizzard. To do so, they must attack with a light/natural slashing weapon and deliver at least 25 points of damage to the AC 15 gizzard. Perhaps this should relate to its natural armor? Once the creature escapes, muscular action closes the hole.

    Pyroclastic Belch:
    At 6th level, a Remorhaz learns to use its superheated interior to create its own flaming projectiles. As a standard action, a Remorhaz that is within reach of a surface made of ice, dirt, or stone can scoop up some of that surface in its mouth and project it as a devastating attack. If the surface is ice, then the result is a cone of steam (HD*10ft) long, and dealing (HD*1d6) fire damage. If the surface is dirt or stone, then the result is a glob of molten lava that works as a ranged touch attack with a (HD*20ft) range increment, and deals (HD*1d6) fire damage, and (1/2HD*1d6) bludgeoning damage.

    Improved Grab: A Remorhaz of 7th level or higher that lands a bite attack on an opponent can immediately initiate a grapple without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it seizes the victim in its jaws and may attempt to swallow whole the following round.

    Firey Surge: At 7th level, a Remorhaz becomes a rampaging creature of burning power. If a Remorhaz successfully attacks a creature at the end of a charge, it can pour its rage and inner heat into an enormous blast of superheated air. This deals fire damage equal to (HD*1d6) in a 20ft radius, with any creature other then the creature struck entitled to a reflex save DC (10+ 1/2HD+ Con modifier) for half damage. The creature struck, and any that fail reflex saves are also subject to being moved back to the edge of the radius, taking 2d6 damage for each 10ft moved, and being knocked prone. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity. What happens if a wall in the way?

    Comments/Changelog:
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    Comments
    Yay for a fiery beast that flings its enemies around like crazy! Its still rough, but I like it. Also, a special thanks to Chumplump for posting the monster template, or this would've taken an extra month while I figured out the table thing.

    Changelog

    A few thoughts.

  28. - Top - End - #508
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    Hyudra's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    Remorhaz
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    • Strength bonuses coupled with full BAB is something of a no-no. Look at Giants & Purple Worm as examples of what you're aiming for with a more brutish monster.
    • Ok, some stuff in the 'Remorhaz body' stuff is cribbed from purple worm. Makes sense.
    • I do not like, however, burrow at low HD. It has many of the same problems that flight does (circumventing many challenges, ability to evade any bad situation, enemy doesn't have the tools to deal.)
    • Heat:
      • Arguably too strong at 2nd level, for a virtual non-action (you can use a swift action to activate it as combat opens, then it's just free damage thereafter). Consider that some/most of the enemies you fight will have only 2 HD... meaning enemies are liable to kill themselves before they kill the Remorhaz.
      • Further, it doesn't specify any duration or limit in uses, so you can keep it on all day.
      • It doesn't specify the enemy has to successfully attack the Remorhaz, meaning missed attacks would still prompt the damage.
      • The line "Any creature that hits the Remorhaz with an unarmed strike or natural weapon are subject to this damage." seems to imply (but doesn't state outright) that only these weapons prompt the damage, however, the bonus at 6HD implies otherwise, while the bonus at 11HD turns it around again. It's very confusing.
      • The damage advances with levels, which means it doesn't scale after you've taken the 6th level in the class. Refer to HD instead?
      • The 16HD bonus doesn't specify how much heat damage the creature takes.
      • Finally, it's encouraged for creature creators to move away from major passive abilities and emphasize active stuff. Actions the player has at their disposal.
    • I'd rather you came up with original material rather than crib from the Purple Worm, as you did in Flexible.
    • Ambush:
      • Says it is a 2nd level ability in the text, but is a 3rd level ability on the table.
    • Cobra strike is good. I like.
    • Pyroclastic Belch:
      • Unusual that you're straying from Remorhaz' flavor by making it worse in the creature's natural environment. The steam variant of Pyroclastic Belch (which uses ice/snow) is arguably worse than the alternatives... even though it is an arctic creature. (Lower damage, lesser range. You get AoE, but it's kinda meh)
      • Compare to a dragon's breath weapon. The ice based variant is essentially the same, but usable every round without recharge time. The non-ice variant is just flat out more damage, no delay, giving you a spammable ranged attack.
    • Fiery Surge:
      • Pretty flat-out ridiculous as far as combat potential goes. Figure you're a Remorhaz7 charging into a group early in combat. You deal standard charge damage (2d8 + 1.5xStr), 7d6 aoe damage, taking 4d6 damage for being shoved to the edge of the radius, and being knocked prone. This frees you, while your enemy is getting back on their feet, to burrow, move a distance away, and then repeat the process.
      • So you've just done, basically, 13-82 + 1.5xStr damage. 47.5 + 1.5xStr damage average. A 7HD creature is going to have, what? 53 hp? Now, I'm ignoring the effect of passing the save because I don't want to get into the math, there, but even so, you're doing a lot of this as an AoE effect.
      • I really don't like 'knocked prone' as an effect, and personally try to avoid it. It's fairly crippling (you provoke AoO's, you lose actions, you're vulnerable), and shouldn't be easy to apply.
      • I get the impression you cobbled the ability together from several other creatures (Cloud Giant? Purple Worm?), and forgot to tone down the individual effects you used to put it together.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2010-12-16 at 03:57 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #509
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    GreataxeFighterGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuubi View Post
    Critique of Remorhaz

    1. could you please standardize the skills listing?
    2. Remorhaz body should say “Loses all other racial traits and gains magical beast traits”
    3. should say it has a base land speed of 30 feet. right now it just says land.
    4. I'd like it better as a player if the burrow speed scaled past level 6.
    5. The wording of Rush is a bit confusing.
    6. At 6 hd he gets an effect that destroys “Any melee weapon” but at 11 HD its “any non reach melee weapon” which is a step down. Also, it should be clarified that it doesn't work on natural weapons.
    7. Flexible is neat but may be a pain to keep track of.
    8. 2nd level abilities should come before third level abilities in the description.
    1. Umm, I'm not sure how my skill listing is non-standard. Do you mean not having the skills/level, and skills at 1st level in the same line?
    2, 3. Thanks for catching those. I probably need to read this aloud to myself to try and catch those words that my brain fills in for me.
    4. I kinda wanted to keep the burrow speed going also, but it really didn't seem to make sense with the original creature. Sure, it burrows a lot to create lairs and get the jump on prey, but its not really a 'burrowing creature', if you know what I mean. Still if you think its necessary, I'll change it.
    5. Hopefully that will clarify Rush a bit. Let me know if its still wonky. I sometimes have a hard time seeing things from the perspective of other people that aren't inside my head.
    6. The 6 HD ability affects the weapon. The 11 HD ability affects the creature. Hopefully, new and exciting wording should clean up that misconception.
    7. I'll admit that I stole Flexible from the Purple Worm. I think it fits, but, once again, if the consensus runs that it is silly, it shall be changed.
    8. Sorry. Originally, Ambush was going to be a second level ability, but I shunted it down to 3rd level. Text should reflect that, now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kajhera View Post
    A few thoughts.
    1) I am still considering 3/4 BAB, if it makes you feel better. However, I saw this critter as a front-line fighter, and to me that says "d10 HD, full BAB". I'm silly though, and it could still change if the people with more ranks in Balance(Homebrew) think its a good idea.
    2) Yes, Rush still counts as a charge. Put some more work into the wording which should make it a bit easier to understand.
    3) Heat... Had issues. Bad wording, redundant abilities. I cleaned it up a bit, let me know how it looks now.
    4) As for the stomach's AC, I think it might be related to natural armor already, but I'm going to have to do some research. The number was lifted from the MM entry for the Remorhaz.
    5) Put in a word or two about getting smacked into solid objects with Firey Surge. Gotta admit, mostly its just a conglomeration of Castigating Strike + Explosive Fireball, though, so no imagination of my own.

    Thanks for the suggestions! Keep 'em coming, keep me busy!

    EDIT: Gak! Ninja'd! Get to your suggestions in a moment, Hydrua!
    Last edited by bladesmith; 2010-12-16 at 04:12 PM.
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  30. - Top - End - #510
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    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    ...

    1) I am still considering 3/4 BAB, if it makes you feel better. However, I saw this critter as a front-line fighter, and to me that says "d10 HD, full BAB". I'm silly though, and it could still change if the people with more ranks in Balance(Homebrew) think its a good idea.

    ...
    I have no such ranks, but the consensus is that full BAB is for those with combat training/skill rather than brutes that just smash stuff because they'll likely have relatively high strength scores that will make up for it. I learned that with my Titan.
    Last edited by Kobold-Bard; 2010-12-16 at 04:15 PM.
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