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  1. - Top - End - #151
    Ogre in the Playground

    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    This is legomaster00156's Extended Signature
    And I'm not fancy!

    Words of Wisdom from other Playgrounders:
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowknight12
    There is only one weapon which is always good in all situations: a spell. You are playing a warlock, who cannot cast spells. Welcome to the world of the fighter. We have goblets of Bitter Tears of Sorrow, freshly shed by those who spent all their feats and class features to specialise in melee weapons and faced flying foes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Slipperychicken View Post
    Smoke weed strange herbs catnip to learn spells. You are a magic pothead kitten.
    Quote Originally Posted by Masterkerfuffle View Post
    I've seen horsemancers absolutely shred campaigns.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vitruviansquid View Post
    As your players find new and interesting ways to be psychotic, your insides will gradually wither and die while your exterior will become callused, and that callus will harden until it's an impervious shell.

    Eventually, you won't even be fazed by your players declaring baby-murder.
    Quote Originally Posted by unseenmage View Post
    Like your own little harem of jealous wearable anime girls.
    Last edited by legomaster00156; 2018-08-25 at 11:38 AM.

  2. - Top - End - #152
    Dwarf in the Playground

    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Le Mans, France

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Some builds :

    Snow White, the First Lich - not submitted - Villainous Competition II, Nature's Revenger
    Obelix the Gaul, Menhir Crafter - Bronze medal - Ridiculous Character Concepts 2: Slam-Dunk!
    JonRa’mbo - Gold medal - Ridiculous Character Concepts 2: Slam-Dunk!
    Kakarotto the Saiyan Whelp - no medals - Iron Chef LXXII - Spellfire Channeler
    Dartakaussirixen, the White Flame of Hate - Silver medal - Villainous Competition VIII, The Weather is Frightful
    Soot the Planar Thief - no medals - Iron Chef LXXV - Thief of Life
    Scar the Lion King of the Serengeti - Silver medal - Villainous Competition IX: The Power of Villainous Thinking
    In, The Undead Laboratory - Honorable Mention - Villainous Competition XXVII: Multiple Personality Disorder
    Last edited by JyP; 2018-07-30 at 06:20 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #153
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Nov 2015

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Nothing to see here.
    Last edited by GnollOfErathis; 2016-03-05 at 07:52 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #154
    Firbolg in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Current Games
    Keston Tornok for GF's Age of Worms IC-1 IC-2 OOC-1 OOC-2 Loot Loot2 Belgareth's Loot Table
    Loradralsornux for GF's Savage Tide IC-1 IC-2 OOC-1 OOC-2
    Avakuss for kinem's Planescape: Center of All Recruit IC OOC
    Sgt Ladaran Xiloscient for MrAbdiel's D&D-Day: The Ballad of Echo Company Recruit IC-Naphto-Beach IC-1A-Beach-Nightmare OOC WW2 with D&D Rules
    Ganzak for Toliudar's Coming Unstuck Recruit IC OOC
    Sora Solaran for MikelaC1's Good Strikes Back. Recruit OOC IC

    Spoiler: Spell list for Sora

    Level Name Type Components Range Duration Area Save SR Metamagics Description
    0 Acid Splash Att
    0 Detet Magic
    0 Disrupt Undead Att
    0 Light
    0 Ray of Frost
    0 Resistance
    1 Accuracy
    1 Burning Hands
    1 Chill Touch
    1 Expeditious Retreat
    1 Fist of Stone
    1 Grease
    1 Hail of Stones
    1 Lesser orb of acid/cold/electric/fire/sound
    1 Mage Armor
    1 Magic Missile
    1 Magic Weapon
    1 Obscuring Mist
    1 Produce Flame
    1 Shield
    1 Shocking Grasp
    1 True Strike
    2 Acid Arrow
    2 Bear's Endurance
    2 Blades of Fire
    2 Continual Flame
    2 Eagle's Splendor
    2 Fire Trap
    2 Fireburst
    2 Flame Blade
    2 Flaming Sphere
    2 Fog Cloud
    2 Fox's Cunning
    2 Glitterdust
    2 Gust of Wind
    2 Ice Knife
    2 Protection from Arrows
    2 Pyrotechnics
    2 Resist Energy
    2 Scroching Ray
    2 See Invisibility
    2 Shatter
    2 Sound Burst
    2 Web
    2 Whirling Blade
    3 Call Lightning
    3 Daylight
    3 Dispel Magic
    3 Fire Shield
    3 Fireball
    3 Flame Arrow
    3 Greater Mage Armor
    3 Greater Magic Weapon
    3 Ice Storm
    3 Haste
    3 Keen Edge
    3 Lightning Bolt
    3 Poison
    3 Protection from Energy
    3 Ray of Exhaustion
    3 Resonating Bolt
    3 Ring of Blades
    3 Searing Light
    3 Sleet Storm
    3 Slow
    3 Stinking Cloud
    3 Vampiric Touch
    4 Arcane Eye
    4 Black Tentacles
    4 Blast of Flame
    4 Blistering Radiance
    4 Contagion
    4 Dimension Door
    4 Enervation
    4 Hallucinatory Terrain
    4 Mass Resist Energy
    4 Orb of acid/cold/electricity/fire/force/sound
    4 Pantasmal Killer
    4 Shout
    4 Solid Fog
    4 Spike Stones
    4 Stoneskin
    4 Wall of Fire
    4 Wall of Ice

    Spoiler: Game Graveyard
    I've never withdrawn from a game. If anyone wants to start these back up, just let me know.

    Braqsh for J-H's E8 Through the Gates IC OOC Recruit
    Zoran for Clockyard's A Second Chance IC OOC Recruit
    Blossom, Orc Vampire Warblade for Kish's Knot of Thorns OOC
    Djanriss, Goliath Dragonborn Warblade/Swordsage for 9th Company OOC
    Kosnark Stoneblood, Dwarf Warblade for A Simple Adventure OOC
    Serea Sankor, Human Crusader for Ambriosia of the Gods
    Zentko Ungart, Dwarf Ranger/Fighter for Dungeon Crawl Olympics
    Zentorgo Ungart, Dwarf Cleric for Through the Worldspine
    Gaalak 'Skyleaper' Ogolakanu, Winged Dragonborn / Goliath Warblade/Crusader for Tearing of the Weave (character not picked)
    Joloken, Human Arcane Archer for Lentrax
    Mezzark Brankin, Human Warblade/Arcane Swordsage for Wander Inn
    Rigar Goldfoot, Dwarf Fighter/Warblade for Everybody Wants to Rule the World
    Saadkul Valorn, Human Sorcerer/MotAO for Snake Pit OOC
    Vankril Barak, Deep Dwarf Warblade for Atsull - Thael
    Earthshake Ssulkill for GF's Dark Sun Redux IC OOC Companion: Guldun
    Jaszak Jaszo for GF's Up Yours, Atropus! Recruiting IC OOC
    Suga for Kish's The Sunless Citadel - IC1 IC2 OOC1 Map-L1 Map-L2
    Nazir for lacco36's [Riddle of Steel] Soldiers of Fortune OOC OOC2 Arena Group-Stats Map IC
    Kricen for J-H's Complex of Doom IC2 OOC2 IC OOC Recruit Journal
    Javartis Stangle for Ghostfoot's E6 Red Hand of Doom IC OOC Recruit
    Semult Suntoz for Kish's Wrath of the Righteous IC OOC Recruit
    Vosnak for Kish's Way of the Wicked IC OOC Recruit Psicrystal
    Cendrik for J-H's Servants of the Thrallherd IC OOC2
    Dakron for J-H's Seus IC OOC Recruit

    ... Plus many more that I never got around to updating this list.

    Spoiler: Dragon Wild Shape
    Based on CL15 Good Druid
    Age Size From Nat
    STR DEX CON Speed Immune Abilities Breath
    ALL Sleep
    Blindsight: 60'
    Keen Senses
    Darkvision 120'
    Line 60 ft, Cone 30 ft
    Brass Juv M MM1 +12 17 10 15 60
    Burrow 30
    Fly 200 poor
    Cold vuln
    None Line of fire, 4d6, DC18
    Cone of sleep, 1d6+4 rounds,
    Will DC18, any HD
    Bronze Young M MM1 +11 17 10 15 40
    swim 60
    fly 150 poor
    Electricity Water Breathing
    Alternate Form
    Line of lightning, 6d6, DC18
    Cone of repulsion gas, 1d6+3 rounds,
    Will DC18
    Copper Juv M MM1 +13 17 10 15 40
    fly 150 poor
    Acid Spider Climb Line of acid, 8d4, DC19
    Cone of slow gas, 1d6+4 rounds, FortDC19
    Fang Young M MoF41 +8 15 10 15 60
    fly 120 poor
    None Enlarge Damage
    Sound Imitation
    Bite: CON Drain 1d4 DC14
    Gold Wyrm M MM1 +7 17 10 15 60
    swim 60
    fly 200 poor
    Cold vuln
    Alternate Form
    Water Breathing
    Cone of Fire 2d10, DC16
    Cone of gas, 1 STR Damage, FortDC16
    Silver Young M MM1 +12 17 10 15 40
    fly 150 poor
    Fire vuln
    Alternate Form
    Cone of cold, 6d8, DC18
    Cone of paralyzing gas, 1d6+3 rounds, FortDC18
    Song Juv M MoF44 +13 15 10 15 40
    fly 150 poor
    True Seeing 15'
    Alternate Form
    Cone of Electrical Gas, 8d6, DC19

    Spoiler: Dragon Wild Shape Gem Dragons
    Based on CL15 Good Druid
    Age Size From Nat Armor STR DEX CON Speed Immune Abilities Breath
    ALL GEM Sleep
    Blindsight 60'
    Keen Senses
    Darkvision 120'
    Planar Travel: At will
    Fire 15 Resist
    Line 60 ft, Cone 30 ft
    Amethyst Young M MM2 +11 17 12 15 40
    Burrow 20
    Swim 10
    Fly 150 poor
    Poison Force Resistance
    Line of Concussive Force, 6d8 (can choose subdual), DC18
    Crystal Young M MM2 +10 17 10 15 40
    Burrow 5
    Swim 40
    Fly 150 poor
    Cold Cone of brilliant light, 6d6 (and blinded 1d4 rounds), DC17
    Emerald Young M MM2 +11 17 10 15 40
    Burrow 5
    Swim 60
    Fly 150 poor
    Sonic Cone of Sonic, 6d6 (Fort extra or deafened 1d4+3 rounds), DC18
    Sapphire Young M MM2 +9 15 14 15 40
    Burrow 10
    Swim 10
    Fly 150 poor
    Elect Spider Climb Cone of Inaudible Sonic Energy, 6d4
    (Will extra or panicked 1d4 rounds), DC17
    Topaz Young M MM2 +12 17 10 15 40
    Burrow 10
    Swim 10
    Fly 150 poor
    Cold Water Breathing Cone of Dehydration, 6d8, DC18

    Last edited by Cavir; 2021-12-29 at 02:13 PM.
    Spoiler: Games
    Keston Tornok for GF's AoW
    Loradralsornux for GF's Savage Tide
    Avakuss for kinem's Planescape: Center of All
    Sgt Ladaran Xiloscient for MrAbdiel's D&D-Day: The Ballad of Echo Company (WW2 with D&D Rules)
    Ganzak for Toliudar's Coming Unstuck

    Extended Signature - More detailed game/character notes

  5. - Top - End - #155
    Titan in the Playground
    Irish Musician's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A Pub Near You

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Want to guess and know more about the Monster in the Darkness, aka: the MitD?
    Well, just click on him!
    Please read all of the rules before commenting, just helps cover what we've covered thus far. Also, spoiler alert!

    Amazing Irish Avatar by Savannah

    My own 5e Bard Subclass
    Made by the awesome Wartex1!


    Current Games:

    Samael, Half Elf/Half Demon Avenger
    by Dakaran

    Arkin, Aasimar Warlock
    by Gorgon_Heap
    Last edited by Irish Musician; 2020-09-23 at 03:06 PM.
    My Extended Signature, Check it out!


    Amazing Irish Avatar by Savannah

    My own 5e Bard Subclass
    Made by the awesome Wartex1!

    LGBTA+ Ally

  6. - Top - End - #156
    Colossus in the Playground
    LaZodiac's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    My extended signature, which has links to all the cool games I've done. More will be added as I go:

    Zodi Plays: Sproggiwood (Adorable rogue like/genocide plot)

    Zodi Plays: The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword (The Legend Begins/Sword Wife Adventure)

    Zodi Plays: Super Mario Sunshine (Yo it's time for a hell vacation)

    Zodi Plays: The Legend of Zelda The Minish Cap (living hat shouts at small child)

    Zodi Plays
    : Momodora Reviere Under the Moonlight (So many adorable death cries!)

    Zodi Plays: The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (Adventures in early 3D video games)

    Zodi Plays: Fire Emblem Path of Radiance (Fighting for friends, etc etc)

    Zodi Plays: Call of Juarez Gunslinger (High Noon Joke Goes Here)

    Zodi Plays: Kirby Nightmare in Dream Land (Dreams Missing! Cause: Rude Penguin)

    Zodi Plays: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (Road Trip to Save The World)

    Zodi Plays: Power Rangers The Movie (The good Genesis one no one knows about)

    Zodi Plays: The Legend of Zelda The Wind Waker (Wet Breath of the Wild)

    Zodi Plays: Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus (Furry Crime Adventure)

    Zodi Plays: Psychonauts (This One Time, At ESPer Camp...)

    Zodi Plays: Furi (It's Time To Wake Up)

    Zodi Plays: The Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass (I specifically asked for LESS water)

    Zodi Plays: Tactics Ogre The Knight of Lodis (Crime-Island Adventure)

    Zodi Plays: Kirby's Dream Land 3 (Pink and Blue Power Hour)

    Zodi Plays: Dishonored (Angry Dad Simulator)

    Zodi Plays: Custom Robo (Redesign Your Robo, We Know What We're Doing)

    RWBY Tuesday: RWBY Grimm Eclipse and maybe other RWBY things!(?)
    Last edited by LaZodiac; 2021-03-08 at 06:49 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #157
    Barbarian in the Playground
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    On the "Web"

    Default Calling this one for mine

    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

    My first campaign(that never actually got of the ground(for now anyways...)) had them on the road to a town and enter the town square being attacked by undead.

    I happen to be double-jointed in the correct places to freak people out. But it is hell to pop my back or stretch anything.

    Characters: too many to list, most haven't even seen play or died when we got off track of the campaign and started a new game. Will try and put them down at some point in time.

    Homebrew Sig Thread: Here

    Mammals scare the crap out of me (sadly, humans are included to a much lesser degree), but I've learned to dial back my reactions to them over the years. However I absolutely love invertebrates and reptiles, as can easily be seen in my homebrewing habits when designing creatures and, to a lesser extent, races.

    Youtube Channel: Noctus Does Things

    Favorite Sayings:
    • "Trust me"
    • "Don't worry"
    • "I know what I'm doing"
    • "Super Ballz OP Plz Nerf"
    • "That is not a Mary Sue. My character took her into the back room of the bar last session "
    • "(After any form of possible campaign-ending mishap) You wake up in your chambers..."

    More info on my eye annoyance from when my mom looked into it when I was younger: "He might have bene ditiatism because his pupils are always dilated and has pain in bright light, but I'm not sure."

    I am GMT -6:00 (Central US Time Zone) and nocturnal living in a small town that runs on the "9-5 and closed on sundays" time schedule, please kill me.

    Glad to be here, I'm prone to random spurts of motivation and ideas. It's almost completely random when I'll be online or contribute anything (even less likely if it's of value), but I'll try to get back asap if messaged.
    Last edited by Aniikinis; 2019-01-18 at 10:09 AM.

  8. - Top - End - #158
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    A few projects of mine:

    1. Campaign logs archive:
    A slowly growing collection of campaign logs. Check it out, throw me a line if you wish to add yours.

    2. Campaign planning log- Nature of The Beast:
    A log dealing with the process of planning and designing a campaign. Slowly updated.

    3. Monster Compendium for the maligned, forgotten & misunderstood monsters:
    A monsters compendium that focuses on monsters not often used, trying to focus on making them interesting, worthwhile, with a place in the gaming world. (Not updated in awhile, but open for discussion.)

    4. Tactical Mass Combat rules (Not the Paizo strategic battle):
    A homebrew attempt to create mass combat rules on tactical level, not a strategic level. Using regular combat grid. Been tested on a few battles (Wrath of the Righteous conversion), with quite decent results. (Not updated in awhile, but open for discussion.)

    My campaign logs:

    1. Dangerous line of work- A Shadowrun 4th edition campaign journal, player's POV:
    The latest log, in which we try the Shadowrun game, with a group mixed from new and veteran players. Lots of laughs, taunts, and such, as well as a fairly detailed look to the system, from the look of new players.

    2. Wrath of the Righteous, DM's POV:
    A very detailed log, including many adjustments/ alterations and discussions on the campaign and it's design. Played up to nearly the end of the fourth module (The Midnight Isles), level 15/ Mythic Tier 6. Includes many ideas for improvement, and suggested sound tracks on the second post. (25 Sessions in total).

    3. Experiences with an apocalyptic FATE core campaign: GM's POV:
    An attempt of a group that never played with the FATE rules before for a game. Includes discussions from the GM's point of view. Complete- 10 sessions.

    4. Many Facets Of Darkness, DM's POV:[3.5, Eberron]
    My first attempt at DMing my group. My first log. An "Eberron light" campaign, including "behind the screen" view and discussions. Complete- 24 sessions.

    5. It began with a Crash!
    A campaign log from a player's view point this time, in a homebrewed world, with very funny and entertaining game and dialogue, in a heavily house ruled game. (Also- lots of pictures! ) 10 sessions.

    Various musings on Roleplay and Real life:

    (From most recent to least)

    1. Thoughts upon the role of roleplay in my life:
    Self analysis and contemplation, of the role of roleplay in my own life. Quite serious, mostly personal. Do with it as you wish...

    2. When real life imitates Shadowrun:
    An amusing/ interesting real life story/ anecdote.

    3. Leveling up in the real world- A humorous story?

    Just a funny little tale!

    4. For a friend of mine...
    On a more serious note, for the friend who introduced me to RPGs, and has passed away...
    Last edited by Kol Korran; 2016-06-25 at 12:47 AM.

    1. Special projects:
    Campaign logs archive, Campaign planning log, Tactical mass combat Homebrew, A unique monsters compendium.
    2. My campaign logs:
    Three from a GM's POV, One from a player's POV. Very detailed, including design and GMing discussions.
    3. Various roleplay and real life musings and anecdotes:
    For those interested, from serious to funny!

    Thanks for reading!

  9. - Top - End - #159
    Troll in the Playground
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Iron Poet and the Tale of Sassy Miss FinnLassie
    Quote Originally Posted by Lethologica View Post
    There once was a poet named Lassie
    Whom Vaynor did think of as classy
    But with a position
    In his competition
    He found she was truly quite sassy
    Quote Originally Posted by Vaynor View Post
    I don't know what you're talking about.

    Rawhide commits plagiarism

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    There's something refreshing about being sweaty and nekkid without any sexual connotations.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rawhide View Post
    Yesterday I had my first Finnish sauna. There's something refreshing about being sweaty and nekkid without any sexual connotations.
    Quote Originally Posted by Aedilred View Post
    Gentlefolk's Chocolate Club

    Join the Gentlefolk's Chocolate Club - Join the correct way of life!
    Three Laws of Chocolate & Basic Etiquette for Correct Consumption of Chocolate

    These Quotes Have No Flaw In Them

    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    "Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking), and your humility is stunning"
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post

    Am I doing this argument right? It seems like I'm doing this argument right.
    To Frontier and Beyond
    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    "I am Kora Dede Kneen, first child of Kwamena Dede Afram and Maia Kneen. I like to be formal n' all at first, can't be rude to none."
    IC - OOC


    Follow me on - I'll follow you back
    Last edited by FinnLassie; 2018-12-03 at 12:16 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac
    aah yes, alligators
    the most anime of creatures
    ~Extended Signature~

  10. - Top - End - #160
    Orc in the Playground

    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Sewer maze

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Black Socks' Extended Signature
    Spoiler: Quote Collection
    Quote Originally Posted by pendell View Post
    Ah, Black Socks, I love your enthuisiasm!
    Quote Originally Posted by Morquard View Post
    Damn minstrel-ninjas...
    Quote Originally Posted by Fishybugs View Post
    There's always room for angst in D&D.
    Quote Originally Posted by martianmister View Post
    First rule of OotS contest threads: No one actually reads the rules.
    Quote Originally Posted by Brother Oni View Post
    The Advanced Fighting Fantasy system which started with Dungeoneer! came out in 1989, of which I still have my first edition paperback somewhere.

    Which was 27 years ago.

    Oh god I'm old...
    Quote Originally Posted by Xihirli View Post
    Silly Ramsus. Space-pineapple 8 is a hairstyle.
    Quote Originally Posted by jkhero73 View Post
    I die a *Stabbity Death* because I don't wanna kill Black Socks. (So sue me.)
    Quote Originally Posted by DaggerPen View Post
    Darken Thundershield
    ... I have my new name for the vampire spirit controlling Durkon.

    This post is meant to be good-natured, tongue-in-cheek poking, not snide, and I hope it comes across as such.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grey Watcher View Post
    But... but... GAH! You've caught me in an endless loop of speculation! You fiend!
    Quote Originally Posted by Darth Paul View Post
    You mad, romantic fool. Come on over and see me some time.
    Quote Originally Posted by jkhero73 View Post


    Spoiler: My homebrew
    Everything is for D&D 5e unless stated otherwise.
    Catfolk- A race
    The Generalist- A class, made as an April Fool's Day joke, should be treated as such

    Spoiler: Werewolf stuff

    Spoiler: Games played in
    Phantom of the Opera WW IX: Digital Phantoms Role: Police (Mason), killed Night 6, my team (Town) lost
    April Fool's WW: The Cabalistic Carnival Replacement Night 1, Role: Human Cannonball, (Town Leeroy Jenkins), sacrificed myself Day 3, Game Fizzled
    Duck Season II: Firing Back Role: Decoy Duck (Town Voider), lynched Day 3, my team (Town) won Replacement Night 4, Role: Lumberjack, I (Neutral) won
    Drowlbearwolf I- Generic Drowlbearwolf (Wolf), My team (Wolves) won

    Spoiler: Games run
    Forum Wars- Town Won

    Spoiler: Play-by-Post stuff
    Games I am participating in currently:
    Cabin in the Wood, DMed by Pope Scarface- OOC IC

    Spoiler: Ranking the smilies from favourite to least favourite, 'cause why not


    Help Bookt0wn grow!

    Awesome Rebuttal

    Quartermaster of the good ship O-ChOona (Oona+O'Chul)- Joined July 8th, 2016 (ship launched June 3rd, 2016)

    Ever wish you could express your favourite 5e class or sub-class as food? Well, we've got you covered!
    Last edited by Black Socks; 2016-11-13 at 09:13 AM.

    Gone like the wind.

  11. - Top - End - #161
    Titan in the Playground
    2D8HP's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    San Francisco Bay area

    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Grim specter of noogie hangs like shroud over us all

    Extended Sig

    D&D Alignment history

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Does the game you play feature a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    You're an NPC stat block."I remember when your race was your class you damned whippersnappers"
    Snazzy Avatar by Honest Tiefling!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    I'm pretty sure that a NPC version of me would just be a crazy ol' coot with senile dementia, and I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't fot you goshdarn meddlin' kids!
    Quote Originally Posted by IronLionShark View Post
    No sig for you!
    Spoiler: Quotes, rants, and a SPELL!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    back in the early 1980's
    Quote Originally Posted by Murk View Post
    You're like this forums Cato the Elder
    Quote Originally Posted by Tanarii View Post
    hahahaha victory is yours
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Get those damn d10s off my lawn!
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon? Can someone play a Wizard with a magic wand, or a warrior in armor, wielding a longbow?
    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I thought the entire DnD world is a massive Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit to physics!
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Your elvish spelling is horrible, it's spelt B't'm'f'tb'', obviously.
    Quote Originally Posted by Quertus View Post
    Levels used to mean something!
    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    Player/DM cooperation? What sort of newfangled hippie nonsense is that?
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Too little? In my day you had your choice of fighter, cleric, magic user, or thief
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    If the game features a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon and you play a Wizard with a magic wand, or a warrior in armor, wielding a longbow, just like the picture on the box I picked up in 1978, whatever the edition, I want to play that game!
    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    Dagnabbed whippersnappers nowadays getting so attached to their special snowflake characters that they need to have three failed saves before the character dies, and they take max HP at first and average after that, and they keep gaining by their HD after 10th, and save-or-die effects are nearly gone.

    Back in my day we died like flies and we liked it, dagnabbit! I've lost first-level characters to nonsense like a couple-three squirrels, a housecat, a barnyard goat, or falling down the stairs at the inn we were all meeting at! We rolled for our HP at first level, and we died instantly at 0HP, and just about everything could kill us! We brought stacks of spare character sheets, stacks of 'em, dadgummit! Characters were hapless fools to feed to the meat-grinder until one lucky and paranoid sonofab*** actually managed to live long enough to earn his glory! Characters didn't survive because we thought they were cool, we thought they were cool because they survived! These consarned young'uns nowadays don't even know what a 10ft pole is for, and would flip the table and whine about how bad the DM is at the entrance to the Tomb of Horrors.

    Now git off my edition, dagnabbit!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    I am of two minds on this.
    On the one hand Fighter is my favorite class to play and more hit points......
    Stay strong!
    Must resist the Sirens song!
    Change is bad!
    The old ways are best!

    In the 1974 LBB's all classes had 1d6 hit points at first level.
    With the '75 "alternative system" Fighting-men were raised to d8's (and Magic Users were dropped to d4's).
    With the '78 AD&D PHB Fighters hit points were raised to d10's.
    Now it's 10 plus or minus the CON modifier at first level!
    When does hit point inflation stop!
    Stand athwart the editions and say no more!

    Well maybe just this once......
    Quote Originally Posted by Murk View Post
    I am really, really impressed by your ability to turn everything into a "old D&D was better" statement. Here we have a thread about tolerance for racial fetishes, and somehow you still manage to make your point!

    You're like this forums Cato the Elder.

    I'm 'sarcastic, but not that sarcastic'

    Carthago delenda est!

    Quote Originally Posted by Foxhound438 View Post
    and you had to roll for stats uphill both ways, through the rain and the snow
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarVecna View Post
    3d6 six times in order, no rerolls, no rearranging. We're gonna run you through a dungeon where every threat is at least a few CR higher than the party, and if you're ever rolling the dice to deal with a trap, it means you've already screwed up, because you should've been able to solve the problem with creative item use and preparation.
    Quote Originally Posted by ZX6Rob View Post
    "CR"? What's a "CR"? Back in my day, you just had monsters with hit dice! And you didn't have any of this "appropriate challenge" nonsense! If you stumbled into a room with forty-six orcs and a Cloud Giant at level 2, well bully for you! Hope you roll well on your surprise check and are prepared to beat feet, buck-o!

    Did you make it all the way to level 17 without dying, only to get smashed by a failed save for a trap you didn't notice? TOO BAD! Start over at level one! What's that? "Starting gold?" "Basic equipment?" Why would I give you any of that nonsense?! You want a potion of invisibility, go yank it out of that green dragon's horde yourself!

    Kids today, think they're entitled to everything now. When I was their age...
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Only allow the players access to the free online Players Basic Rules not the PHB!
    Use the "Slow Natural Healing", and "Gritty Realism" variants from page 267 of the DMG.
    Remember Warlocks, Dragonborn and Tieflings are NPC's only!
    If they whine make them roll 3d6 in order for their stats. No takebacks!
    All the PC's "backgrounds" are: "Loot hungry murder-hobo"...
    PC "Trait", "Ideal", "Bond", and "Flaw" all should be "meets like minded individuals at tavern, to go on noble quest to steal loot from Dungeon dwellers".
    That should suffice.
    Please PM when you need a player for that campaign.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cybren View Post
    I like the cut of your jib.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Sure why not? What's the worse that can happen?
    Quote Originally Posted by soap94 View Post
    That is not funny at all
    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    So just fyi, your attitude is deeply offensive
    Quote Originally Posted by nyjastul69 View Post
    Dude....get off your high horse.
    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    Confession: I decided to finally check out the confessions thread and dropped into the middle of this, immediately hit some stuff that stood on a nerve in stiletto heels, and promptly forgot it was the confessions thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    I started with D&D in the late 1970's, and since I'm on "night nurse" duty with my one month old son I'm trying to get some PbP D&D in. I keep getting asked what my PC's "back story" is!!!????
    How about "Wields sword, searches for Ale, Gold, Monsters, and Wenc charming conversationalists".
    What's wrong with such mature and sophisticated themes such as meeting in a tavern. Leaving said tavern to wail on scaly types who occupy underground abodes, collect shiny objects in said underground abodes, avoid bandits who occupy space between underground dwellings and tavern, bring shiny objects to spend in tavern in noble quest for ale and time with hotties.
    I'm interested in the Adventure not the prequel!
    Quote Originally Posted by dps View Post
    Here's all the backstory you need for a standard PC:

    "I was poor and didn't want to stay that way, and the easiest way to wealth was to take if by force. I went into monster dens to kill them and take their stuff because that's more acceptable to society than killing and robbing from non-monstrous races."
    Quote Originally Posted by IntelectPaladin View Post
    You know what?
    All I had to do to be upset at this is just read the thread title,
    and the creator's first post.
    I'm actually surprised at how angry I am at this.
    Why have backstory? Because I've had the same char and ONLY char for over a full year!
    I don't "whoops, that dagger happened, here comes barbarian no. 413.15."!
    It's as if he said "why are wierdo's going around being human?"
    DnD isn't just about the dice, it's about what the dice gives us, the players, who happen to be people.
    We use our mind's eye to play a game that logically speaking is mere paper and plastic.

    Without imagination, or flexing what creativity or emotion we have for enjoyment of the game,
    The game has no point.
    What about all of those moments where you nat-twenty your attempt to lift a building?
    Or when the D.M. uses their creativity to make your nat-one the funniest story of the year?
    The funny stories on here inspired me to go into DnD in the first place.
    Backstory is part of the game, as much so as the dice. We have it because it's part of how we play,
    It's how we make our characters more interesting to have,
    to make more connections and events avalible in the game,
    and lastly, because it's what we enjoy.

    I apologize the the length of this rambling,
    so thank you for putting up with me.
    I know what I'm like. But I'm still me. And I'd rather be me than anyone else.
    And thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!
    Quote Originally Posted by Red Fel View Post
    See this? This is confrontational, and it's unnecessary.

    Your opening post had two questions: What is backstory, and why is it necessary? It had an undertone of "I don't think backstory is necessary," but it at least pretended to be interested in a response.

    But a post like this? You betray yourself, sir. This kind of post - and it's not the first of its kind by you, in this thread or others - makes it clear that your position is "I don't think backstory is necessary, and further if you disagree you are wrong." You are insulting the people who disagree with you, and it's uncalled for.

    I get it. You don't like backstory. You care more about how a character is played then the player's ability to write a background. I understand that, and to a certain extent I agree. But your attitude towards those who disagree is callous and dismissive, and you can do better than that.

    If you want to post an "I don't think backstory is necessary" rant, go ahead and do that. But don't couch it in the form of a disingenuous question and then fire back at those who respond in good faith. That's just not cricket.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Spoiler: Human Barbarian "Ox" Ossian's backstory

    And he would have to swing his arms again.
    Quote Originally Posted by csmeek View Post
    D-damn, dude. That's intense.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    As an alternate or additional PC:
    Spoiler: Wood-elf Fighter/Rogue Riardon's backstory

    Though he'd "lived", if you could call it "living" for years, growing soft in this city of men, Riardon remembered the forest.

    Riardon loved the forest.

    The sound of the wind, the river, the birds.
    And foot steps.
    He loved his family as well, but he always felt the call of the forest, where he could live without speaking, and be still.
    And listen.
    And wait.
    For his prey.
    He told himself he hunted to feed his family and neighbors, but deep inside he knew that wasn't true.
    He needed the sounds of the woods, as well as the quiet.
    And to watch
    And to listen.

    He heard the woods burning.

    He had lived through forest-fires before, but this was different. There had been no lighting. And he heard screaming. Elf screams!
    In an instant from so still he would appear to be part of the woods, he became quick as a deer running from a couger, and he ran towards home.
    Towards his family.
    Towards everyone he knew.
    He saw the burned bodies.
    And the arrows.
    And something else.

    A banner.

    Men's banner.

    Riardon knew then that he would leave the woods.

    He had a new prey.
    Quote Originally Posted by Urzamax View Post
    Wow. Those are both mighty moving, and I'd like to see more of each.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    @Mordar, OK let me try to clear my mental cobwebs away and think back:
    In about 1978 I picked up the D&D "Basic set", the guy who later became my best friend (R.I.P. last year) saw me reading the "blue book", and invited me to play at his house were his older brother was the DM using the '74 original rules plus supplements. So the "gang" was High School classes of '83 (the first DM, and his friends ('83 & '84), his brother, me and a couple others of the class of '86, and my brother (class of 1989), so a six year age difference spread, but with most within three years of each other.
    Fortunately my best friend's brother (our first DM) was accepted into U.C Berkeley and stayed in town, so we had eight years of gaming before "real life" broke up "The Fellowship".
    IIRC I was the one who introduced most of the Advanced Dungeons and Dragons materials, Gamaworld, Ringworld and GURPS, while my best friend introduced most every other RPG (Traveller, Runequest, Paranoia, Champions and MERP/Rolemaster), his older brother of course introduced us to original D&D/Arduin, with minor detours into Villains and Vigilantes, Chivalry & Sorcery, and Stormbringer!, and a major detour into Car Wars. My brother (class of 1989) started us on Empire of the Petal Throne, and Top Secret, which fell on me to GM which I did but using mostly Call of Cthullu rules! I'm not sure who introduced CoC (mysterious that)?
    After high school I very briefly played "variant" D&D with "grown-ups", but that ended because of something the DM's girlfriend put on my shoulder that I objected to (and I was attacked by their Ferret!), and then Vampire, Shadowrun, Cyberpunk and now 5e D&D (as well as my buying and reading a mountain of RPG's I've never played).

    Easiest to hardest to GM?

    1) Call of Cthullu (easy system and the plots are amazingly easy to make up).
    2) Basic D&D (fun setting and a 48 page rulebook!).
    3) Ringworld/Runequest/Stormbringer! (pretty much the same rules as CoC).
    4) Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (the more and closer you adhere to RAW the harder it gets).
    5) Every other RPG (mostly because I don't seem to be able to remember for very long any other games rules I read accept for Pendragon which I've never gotten to play).

    Most fun to least fun to play?
    1) Original D&D (first love is the strongest).
    2) All other versions of D&D that I've played.
    3) Traveller.
    4) Runequest.
    5) Shadowrun.
    6) Every other RPG I've played that I don't list.
    7) Champions/Villains & Vigilantes/superheroes in general.
    8) Vampire
    9) Cyberpunk.

    Games I've never played but want to?
    1) Pendragon
    2) Flashing Blades
    3) Castle Falkenstein (the setting just looks so fun!).
    4) Dungeon World.
    5) All the various other versions of D&D that I haven't yet played including the "retroclones", "homebrews" etc.
    6) All the "Fantasy Heartbreakers".

    Games you would have to pay me well to play:
    1) Werewolf (I actually like Lycanthopes in most Fantasy settings, just not W.O.D.).
    2) Pretty much any modern day, near future or "dark future" setting, I just don't see the point. Most of my work in real life is spent doing building repairs for the police and the jail, I don't want any settings close to that in my games, I crave escapism (gas-lamp fantasy, swashbuckling, Swords and Sorcery, Space Opera etc.)!
    Quote Originally Posted by Safety Sword View Post
    You are welcome at my game any time. This is playing right people!
    Quote Originally Posted by JakOfAllTirades View Post
    Posts like this make me wonder why you bother with this forum. It's obvious you're not interested in 5E as written.
    Quote Originally Posted by Professor Gnoll View Post
    Eh. I like having lots of options. I like having the freedom to choose from a wide variety of possibilities to build a wide array of characters. 5e is already pretty streamlined. If you want to reduce it that much, you might as well make a simple fantasy heartbreaker and be done with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dire_Stirge View Post
    You know what they say: when life gives you lemons, genetically engineer a species of armored lemon-eaters.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockphed View Post
    I can see a bard going around humming the Bond theme, seducing his way into the castle, and being told he is expected to die in the deathtrap. I could even see him wearing dapper clothing at all times and asking for distilled alcohol that has been shaken, not stirred.

    Okay, I just sold myself on playing a Bard Bond.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    whatever the edition, I want to play that game!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Back in my day only the GM's had to have the rules anyhow, dagnabbit!
    Quote Originally Posted by Longes View Post
    It was a dark and dreadful time. It's good that it passed.
    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    2D8HP, you keep shifting (in my mind) from a forty year old man who is pretty normal to a cranky old man who wants everything to be the way it was back before Korea.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elan
    Belker, that's the wrong type of bird! That one can't fly!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    I think 5e rules could work quite well if you use subtraction (of rules) more than addition. I've also got 1e AD&D rules in reach as well, but my OD&D rules are in deep storage and would take me some time to retrieve. Also in deep storage are my copies of Chaosium's Stormbringer and Magic World rules which, IIRC would work well for the proposed setting, but since most of the 5e rules are free downloads, you could probably get the most players with 5e.
    But rules are boring anyway.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    You may change it around a a little bit , but for me as long as the game features a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon and you play a Wizard with a magic wand, or a Warrior in armor, wielding a longbow, just like the picture on the box I picked up in 1978, whatever the edition, I want to play that game!
    Quote Originally Posted by fireinthedust View Post

    Sir, I like the cut of your Jib.

    Also: Would you two take a look at the Modiphius Conan RPG that's gone through its kickstarter but (for the weekend) they're still selling pledges through their website via paypal? It's got a free quickplay booklet, and some hardcore gamers in the reviews (who sound like the "get" tabletop) reviewed it positively. While the price of the kickstarter wasn't ideal when I saw it, thanks to Brexit I'll be able to afford the entire PDF run of the game (because the British pound took such a pounding, so to speak).

    Anyway, my thinking is that d20 doesn't do REH justice. The website you posted previously comes really darn close, and the Xoth d20 rules are also close. The 5e rules are amazing, but not ready for the Conan game you're asking for.

    I'd like to try this Conan RPG out with the free Quickplay. I've got a gamer who wants me to run fantasy, and I could see myself doing a Hyborean game, with a significant OSR inclusion. You're reavers, sellswords, pirates, sorcerers, thieves, and mercenaries. The old world's ruins, the treasures of the new kingdoms, and the threats of foul sorcerers are all about you. Only your blade, your wits, and perhaps fortune or fate, are all that stand between you and horrific peril.

    This is an age undreamed of...

    ooc: what about 5e do you like? If it's just ability scores, the proficiency bonus, and other minor d20 fixes, we can work around that. I like it too, so I just want to know, what would you need to keep if we were to simplify the whole darn thing?
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Put me on record as I'm up to play any system when the setting is that infused with BADASS!
    But I started with oD&D in the 1970's and we really didn't completely comprehended how the rules were supposed to work at first, so we mostly just winged it to start.
    Oh who I'm I kidding, I still play like that. At my age I have such a bad memory for rules minutiae that when I'm forced to DM it mostly comes down to:
    1) Make up arbitrary chance of success based on gut.
    2) Have player roll dice.
    3) Tell player what's changed.
    4) Listen to learn what PC intends
    5) Repeat
    As a player I am interested in exploring a fantastic world, and I really don't want to think about the damn rules at all. I could be very happy with a "character sheet" that lists my PC's name, the equipment my PC is carrying, hit points left, and nothing else!
    I really only want to learn what my PC is perceiving. As to "mastering the crunch" so that my PC is "an optimal build"?
    -Please and thank you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Conaldar View Post
    I like DCC. Played Swords & Wizardry. Played Dark Dungeons. Might be interested in LotFP or BFRPG. You mentioned an E6 game - using what system? Like 2D8HP expressed, as long as the setting is BADASS! I'm good to go.
    Don't believe the Elf lies!
    The so called "Elves" of the surface were exiled there for being insufficiently badass, where the day star bleached them!
    Drow the original Elves
    Quote Originally Posted by Dire_Stirge View Post
    Soon the elvish lies will be revealed!
    When it comes to surface dwelling so-called "Elves", as the Drow well know, "Elvish" and "lies" are redundant!
    Learn the truth

    D&Dland was a "Tippyverse". That's why the realms are littered with ancient ruins filled with magical artifacts that no one currently makes.

    There was a grand Magic based civilization once.

    Then the magic stopped.

    The ruins of the Ancients all around, in the wastelands and underground shows the truth!
    Long ago the Elves
    used up all the magic causing the fall of their civilization!

    Over-use of Magic in one place leeches the Mana from the Earh, leaving desolate wastelands in it's absence!
    The ancestors of the Elves having squandered all the magic fled underground burrowing deeper and deeper to find usable Mana, settling the Underdark as they went.
    A few remnants stayed on the surface learning to survive in a world without magic. Yes humans and orcs! The Orcs who infest the ruins are the savage descendents of the Elves too stupid to leave. We humans are the descendents of those who didn't hide underground, or stupidly stay amongst the ruins, but instead pioneered new lands and made new tools.
    Why else would it be humans who invented the crossbow, the plow, sailing ships, and windmills? Only in times without Magic would anyone bother to build such things! That's why so many of us still toil on the land and in our smithies, instead of just learning Wizardry, were not too stupid to learn Spellcraft! Nay, deep in our souls we feel the warning that it can't last!

    That is why these tomb robbing Adventurer's have lately been finding magic items littering the ruins. For centuries there was insufficient environmental Mana for those items to be worth picking up!
    That is why there are Sorcerers now born among us when previous generations had none!
    The return of Magic to the wastelands is why suddenly all these magicsl monsters now infect our lands! Do you think our ancestors could have survived long if they'd always existed?

    We have forgotten and grown soft!
    We must conserve what Magic is left and learn from the Gnomes ways to make wonders without the Arcane arts. Too much reliance on and use of Wizardry will doom us!

    We must learn to grow our on food and distill water, without relying on Create Food and Water Spells, and if these Magic-User's continue to waste the Magic away in trivial goals, we must learn to fight off without spells, the bears, wolves and other beasts that threaten us, else we fall to claws and fangs!

    The truth is out there!
    Heed the warnings!
    Take these pamphlets and spread the word before it's too late!
    Quote Originally Posted by Âmesang View Post
    "The wonderful thing about drows
    Is drows are wonderful things!
    Their tops are made out of rubber
    Their bottoms are made out of springs!
    They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
    Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!"

    Love it!
    (I hope it becomes someone's Sig!)I want to "homebrew" Elves/Fairies/Sidhe that are different ftom the usual Elves in Tolkien's LotR and most Dungeons & Dragons settings.
    I'm posting two threads on the same topic because I haven't decided what rules system I want to use, and I'm asking for rules mechanics "crunch" suggestions to match my world building "fluff".

    The seperation of evil Drow"Dark Elves", from good Tolkien style "Light" Elves, just doesn't seem to fit the British folklore collected by Katharine Briggs,

    I want to have the "Fair Folk" be an apt metaphor for capricious weather, nature, and how the "gentry" treat the peasantry.
    You may be blessed and rewarded, but you may also be whipped and hanged.
    Besides stories from before all of us were born (unless some of the "good neighbors" are reading this, I beg.your pardon, and I set out the saucer of milk your lord and ladyship's!),the best representations I've seen of how I want to portray"the goodly one's" has been the novel and short stories of Poul Andersin, Susanna Clark, and Sir Terence David John "Terry" Pratchett, OBE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord's and Ladies
    But this other roving intelligence... it’d go in and out of another mind like a chainsaw, taking, taking, taking. She could sense the shape of it, the predatory shape, all cruelty and cool unkindness; a mind full of intelligence, that’d use other living things and hurt them because it was fun.
    She could put a name to a mind like that.
    Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
    Elves are marvelous. They cause marvels.
    Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
    Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
    Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
    Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
    The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meanings.
    No one ever said elves are nice.
    Elves are
    So I
    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    Get those damn d10s off my lawn!
    Quote Originally Posted by Quertus View Post
    Levels used to mean something!
    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    Player/DM cooperation? What sort of newfangled hippie nonsense is that?
    Quote Originally Posted by Longes View Post
    It was a dark and dreadful time. It's good that it passed
    Quote Originally Posted by Conaldar View Post
    Like 2D8HP expressed, as long as the setting is BADASS!
    Quote Originally Posted by Oramac View Post
    Holy crap 2d8HP! That's a hell of a novel you wrote. Thanks!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ramsus View Post
    Did you get hit in head during fighting recently?
    Quote Originally Posted by danielxcutter View Post
    You won an internet. Yes, you did.
    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    You know what, this is a fantastic point that bears repeating.....
    Quote Originally Posted by pwykersotz View Post
    I like quite a lot of this. Iron being the life blood of the earth is a pretty awesome concept! I'm not as big of a fan of smithing the iron tainting it though. I think I'd prefer it if fey simply had no power over iron because while they have power over all living things, the fey cannot alter the earth itself. It is more fundamental than they are on the cosmic scale, and so when it is brought to bear against them, they cannot withstand it.

    Or something like that anyway.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stealth Marmot View Post
    I think he meant that the gypsies were werewolves.

    I don't THINK he meant that they were normal office workers who whenever a full moon rises hop into bright clothing and drive wagons around.
    Quote Originally Posted by Segev View Post
    "Were-gypsy" is deprecated. The polite term these days is "LARPer."
    Quote Originally Posted by Stealth Marmot View Post
    I figured all DMs became DMs out of spite. Am I doing it wrong?

    This quote, oft repeated, should be on a plaque somewhere.

    That way we need only point at the plaque, or in some cases throw it at someone trying to fix OOC problems with IC stuff.

    Don't be a DM for revenge against your players. Be a DM for revenge against a world that spurned your genius and will FEEL YOUR WRATH THE FOOLS!

    Or cause you like mapmaking. Fjords are fun.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by GreatWyrmGold View Post
    Let me start by making it clear that I'm talking about features of D&D which few RPGs that aren't D&D clones possess, regardless of edition......
    I could nitpick this or that but in general I think you have some good insights.

    Quote Originally Posted by Koo Rehtorb View Post
    .... I agree that not having a built in setting is a benefit for D&D, but a problem that D&D brings to the table is that you can't make just any sort of world with it. D&D settings come with built in assumptions that can be quite unintuitive to a new player....
    True, D&D is neither "Universal" or "Specific setting"
    ....Contrast this with something like Dungeon World, which is explicitly designed for the purpose of being newbie friendly....
    I bought "Dungeon World" this year because I wanted something more "rules light", and it looks cool.

    ....I also just had this thought: D&D requires you to simultaneously learn roleplaying and a tactical fantasy war game. The latter isn't required for the former, and mixing the two together makes learning the former harder. And D&D doesn't really provide you with any help on the former part. The early editions don't even care about roleplaying, and the later editions assume you'll work it out yourselves.
    Mostly true of early D&D. "Role-playing" really wasn't in the texts of the books, it just sort of happened..... sometimes (we still has big fun though!).

    5e D&D at least has some mechanics to encourage some role-playing, but I'm undecided on if that's actually a good thing (first love is the strongest love, and I am very fond of the 48 page 1977 "Basic" D&D rules, probably irrationally so!).

    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post
    I've run RuneQuest, Exalted, Cyberpunk 2020, Call of Cthulhu, AD&D 2nd ed, Toon and Gurps for beginners in the hobby and I fail to see how the D&D game design is superior in any way, shape or form.
    I've long regarded the Runequest/Call of Cthullu/BRP etc. system as more intuitive than D&D, and many other RPG's, and especially when I hear of what people say they want in a RPG, I'm puzzled that Runequest in particular is not more popular.

    The rest of the RPG's you cite I either never played (unless you count 1e AD&D as being close enough to 2e), or in the case of Cyberpunk, I just hated (even in the early 1990's I felt that "I can walk out my door for that" to experience a "Cyberpunk-ish" setting that I RPG to escape!).

    I've said before that D&D is "Everyone's second favorite RPG", most RPG'ers have a system (even if it's just an earlier edition with lots of house rules) that they like better, the problem is coming to an agreement with actual other people and playing it.

    D&D has the advantage of being both familiar and "good enough", that it actually gets played.

    It's sometimes said that "No D&D is better than bad D&D" and while I have walked out of some tables that were just too bad, I say "a less than perfect game is still better than no game".

    If someone came to me and said "next week (so I had some time to prepare) you'll be able to play any RPG you want, with four actual other people", then D&D would not be my first choice (Pendragon would, then Castle Falkenstein, even though I don't remember the rules, then 7th Sea even though my eyes glazed over when I started reading the "crunch" part of the rule book). But if someone tells me "tomorrow you can play any RPG you want",.I'm going with D&D, because even though I've probably actually spent more table time with other RPG's (Traveller in particular), but the only rules that are well imprinted in my mind are D&D, and Call of Cthullu (dead easy to GM or "Keeper", but not my favorite setting), and I'm a slow learner who finds "crunch" (especially combat rules) incredibly dull. I own many GURPS "Worldbooks" (settings) which I greatly enjoy, but the GURPS core rules? You'd have to pay me well to read them (just so dull)!

    The last non-D&D RPG I enjoyed playing was Shadowrun (ironic given my distaste for Cyberpunk), and I had a great time playing it!
    The trick?
    I never read the rules!
    The GM had me play a pre-gen, told me when to roll dice, and all I has to concentrate on was "What do you do?".

    It was great!

    I'm puzzled that so many GM's complain that their players either "Don't know the rules", or "Don't role-play, and just think of their characters as a collection of stats".

    Why are they suprised?

    Quote Originally Posted by Knaight View Post
    .....That gets me into the crunch side. I'd argue that the crunch is where most people experience difficulties with RPGs - acting is familiar, storytelling is familiar, and there's no shortage of amateur writers....
    ....Massive, convoluted rules sets? Those are a bit rarer. In my experience it's much easier to find players for rules light games....
    I would think so too, but Pathfinder is immensely popular, other TTRPG's?
    Not so much.

    Quote Originally Posted by warty goblin View Post
    So thinking through the pile of RPGs I own, I'm pretty sure D&D 5E is the one I would choose to teach a new player. Not because it's necessarily my favorite, but because it's simple and unified enough....
    I'm increasingly pleased with 5e, I just wish they had a step inbetween the "Starter Set", and the PHB in hard print.

    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post
    ....The hard part is usually to get them ROLEPLAYING. Sure I could easily run them through a dungeon...which is more like what our esteemed forum member 2D8HP would call an adventure game....
    Thanks for the shout out!

    In previous threads I've posted long rants that while D&D was first called a "Wargame", and later a "Role-playing game", "Adventure game" would have been a better designation.

    Nice to see someone noticed!

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    To bring this back on topic, IMO class-based character generation is very newbie friendly if the classes are few in number and easy to understand. OD&D is a good example of this (although it fails in clarity of writing and organization), 3.x is not.....
    Man do I agree with you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mechalich View Post
    The accessibility of D&D varies significantly from one edition to the next, depending primarily on the number of toggles necessary to build a functional character. 3.X/PF D&D is actually the least accessible versions of D&D, whereas 2e may actually be the most accessible, especially if you don't bother with non-weapon proficiencies. Building a 2e Fighter is extremely easy - the only real choices involved are race and which weapon you feel like claiming and can be done very quickly and in 2e fighters retained viability against casters for much longer (due to weapon spec, flat saving throw values, and certain other factors).
    I've only glanced at 2e, so I can't be sure, but other TSR D&D rules that were translated from Gygaxian into English ('77 "Basic", '94 "Classic" etc.) seem to me to simpler than 3e, but that may be because I already learned the rules via folklore.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    .....I'd generally recommend Fate (specifically FAE) for new players over D&D, because it's simple and easy to run without many problems that D&D has, and easily slots into whatever setting you want....
    I own the 2013 "FATE CORE SYSTEM" rulebook, and as long as I can stand to read them, the rules look like they'd work well, but I just can't stand to for very long!

    7th Sea or Castle Falkenstein front loads an exciting setting that's a page turner to read, but then the crunch comes in the back and I lose interest in reading more, but I know that I want to play the game!

    D&D interposes "fluff" and "crunch" making it easier to digest.

    What FATE I've read has been all "crunch", like the GURPS Basic Set.


    Where"s the "fluff"
    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post never read the rules. This is exactly why you can take greenhorns and teach them any system you like. When I teach new people to play, I create a character with them, help them out with their backgrounds and then we just play and they get a hang of the rules as they play. And if the system conforms to realistic expectations then this is even easier as the players just describe what they do and the GM knows the rules and can tell them their chances.
    Quote Originally Posted by KorvinStarmast View Post
    Yeah, but we're old.
    Ahem, could you please pass the Geritol?
    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Good advice!
    Quote Originally Posted by JAL_1138 View Post
    I was going to chime in with Wizard because they're the classics, a "Cohen the Barbarian" reference that 2D8HP beat me to...

    ...."Dagnabbed whippersnappers and yer fancy-schmancy proficiency bonus. Back in MY day, we THAC0'd and we liked it!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Vaz View Post
    2d8HP, dude, your Signature is way too big, tone it down son!
    Quote Originally Posted by Addaran View Post
    If you've read some of 2D8HP's posts, you should know he's older then Elminster. Everything's a kid to him. =P
    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post
    I have to agree on that, there is nothing more important to a game than the people you are playing with.

    As to Why I don't like D&D is kinda I grew out of it and it just doesn't work for me anymore. I'm not going to bash the system for....most everything. The problem arises if you ask why? If you never ask questions and just play the game then you'll be fine.

    But then those questions suddenly pop up after you just brought in 30lbs of gold to pay for your 50lbs full plate, or why did your spell vanish from your head after you cast it? Why do monsters congregate in dungeons and collect treasure? Where did that Owlbear keep his treasure that the DM randomly rolled for on treasure table D? Was it going shopping with all that gold? How does more armor make you harder to hit? And before you start to answer that question by glancing blows etc then if a Giant throws a huge rock at you, how comes it is harder for him to hit you? What do Hit Point in D&D represent? Toughness? Durability? Why do they keep publishing material by Ed Greenwood or his novels? Why don't people scoop out their eyes with a spoon after reading his books and ask almighty Cthulhu to end their suffering? Why alignments?

    So it is best not to ask questions.

    But I have to agree with 2D8HP that D&D should have been a boardgame with minatures where you just go and raid dungeons.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Betamax had better picture and especially sound quality, but IIRC correctly you could record for longer with VHS.
    Me too, but I never had as much fun as when I played D&D.
    My players on the other hand definitely prefered it when I GM'd other games.
    I can think of some games that I may enjoy playing more that I regret that I will likely never get to try, but since D&D is most folks "second favorite RPG", and is usually the default now, and since I can remember how in the early 1990's the only open tables were for non Swords and Sorcery setting RPG's that I really disliked I'm OK with that.
    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post
    I'm going to respectfully disagree. As I have gotten older most people are more accepting of RPG''s not like in '87 when I started and nobody knew what the heck I was talking about. Most people who play computer games know of TT RPG's. Almost ALL new players I have met the last 10 years have a prior experience with computer rpg's. This means that to many crunch is no problem really, they are used to picking talents, distributing points, go on a pissing contests about builds, cry for nerfs etc.

    The hard part is usually to get them ROLEPLAYING. Sure I could easily run them through a dungeon...which is more like what our esteemed forum member 2D8HP would call an adventure game.

    Of course it could just be that we hang around different with the creative bunch and me with the IT crowd.
    Quote Originally Posted by RazorChain View Post
    DnD isn't suddenly popular...i
    .......My way or the high way has to do with me wanting to run Cyberpunk and 2D8HP hates Cyperpunk and only wants to play Elf games. So 2D8HP can play his elf games while I run Cyberpunk for someone else.
    Quote Originally Posted by Palanan View Post
    I’m right there with you, man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noje View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lorsa View Post
    Wow. I didn't think anyone still remembered that.
    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    Okay Big Brother.

    But just to let you know, many people think that you are double plus ungood, so you might have a hard time carrying out your plans.
    Quote Originally Posted by ZorroGames View Post
    OMG, that brought back White Box memories!.
    Quote Originally Posted by ZorroGames View Post
    Dude, you keep bringing back the memories (or is it flashbacks?) and making me feel old... dangnabbit.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xuc Xac View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    Yeah, pretty much everything he's saying.
    Quote Originally Posted by Leewei View Post
    ....really has not aged well
    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post
    You know what, this is a fantastic point that bears repeating...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mith View Post
    Nice one..
    Quote Originally Posted by Shining Wrath View Post
    Someone has no appreciation for fine, well-aged sarcasm delivered cold.
    Quote Originally Posted by Erys View Post
    You have nothing to apologize for.
    Quote Originally Posted by GPS View Post
    I like this guy!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sigreid View Post
    There are few problems that cannot be solved through the liberal application of Fireball!
    Quote Originally Posted by NecroDancer View Post
    If you want to get fancy you can always try a lightning bolt.
    Quote Originally Posted by Honest Tiefling View Post
    Very much this..
    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlet Knight View Post
    Lawful Good; I believe in kindness over selfishness and believe rules help everyone to get along. However, like 2D8HP, I bleed into NG or LN as circumstances change.
    Quote Originally Posted by Razade View Post
    Yeah and we had to do our ThAC0 in the snow! Up a hill! Both ways!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post hart goes to them.
    Quote Originally Posted by BWR View Post
    You're sending them your pet deer?

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja_Prawn View Post
    Really, I'm more concerned about 2D8HP's hind. Won't she be lonely without her man?
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Oh you deers...
    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    Come now, this is hartly funny...
    Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post
    I knew there was a reason I liked you guys.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grey Watcher View Post
    Really? I don't doubt you, but...
    Quote Originally Posted by Sigreid View Post
    If your clan has discovered fire you are no true Grognard!
    Quote Originally Posted by Willie the Duck View Post
    Well, that's fine, it's not a competition, but then trying to out-old-school 2d8 seems silly...
    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
    Also, I hate sports...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bartmanhomer View Post
    I love sports.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zurvan View Post
    "He who fights threads that run amok should see to it that he himself does not become a thread who run amok. Also I hate sports."
    Quote Originally Posted by Kantaki View Post
    As far as I'm concerned leaving the trees was already a bad idea..
    Quote Originally Posted by golentan View Post
    That's a shame. I like using the BART whenever I head up north. The thought they're deliberately excluding me is a little hurtful. I will sooth myself with the traditional Santa Cruz soothings, of being pretty queer, rolling around on a pile of gold, and eating free trade, organic artichokes roasted with our breath weapons.
    Quote Originally Posted by YossarianLives View Post
    You rotten, no-good, cultural Marxist, beta, social justice warrior!!!! Stop destroying western civilization 2D8HP!!!.
    Quote Originally Posted by ThatWizardGuy View Post
    2D8HP, you are the weirdest person I have encountered on this forum.
    But in a good way.
    Quote Originally Posted by comicshorse View Post
    ( Puts on best Nigel Bruce voice)
    " My god Holmes, that's brilliant ! "
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Well then...

    2D8HP's Misconception
    1st level Enchantment
    Casting Time: 1 action
    Range: 60ft
    Components: V, S
    Duration: concentration, up to 7 months

    When cast the subject of this spell feels like they are wanted less than they actually are, or at the very list says as such. They will use words like 'less' and try to suggest that they aren't something that they are.

    I would make this a Cantrip, but I think the duration's a bit long for that.
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    Now DM with more treasure maps and less end-of-the-world-save-us-please claptrap!
    Quote Originally Posted by Potato_Priest View Post
    Preach it, 2d8HP!

    Oh come ON! Are you telling me the fiends are trying to invade the material plane again?
    Quote Originally Posted by Waterdeep Merch View Post
    That was the most confusing, enormous, and rambly response I have ever seen in any forum to date, on any matter.

    It's also pretty good and I agree.
    Quote Originally Posted by Scripten View Post
    It's nice to see 2D8HP's username come up in the "Most Recent Poster" box. It always guarantees something entertaining in the thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    ...ahhh, the playground. Where all threads become Star Wars threads, except Star Wars threads; those become Lord of the Rings threads.
    Quote Originally Posted by smcmike View Post
    Indeed! Well said.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gluteus_Maximus View Post
    2D8HP, our resident person from the magical land called "the 70s", ladies and gentlemen.
    Quote Originally Posted by Epimethee View Post
    2D8HP, i agree with you, !
    Quote Originally Posted by Shamash View Post
    Seeing 2D8HP being wholesome warms the heart.
    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    2D8HP, have I ever told you you're my favorite crotchety old man on here?
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    Seconded. Although if Mokèlé-mbèmbé outs themselves as a crotchety old man, there's a chance you may get overthrown.
    Quote Originally Posted by S@tanicoaldo View Post
    Dang it! I was hoping to see 2D8HP in drag.
    Quote Originally Posted by mephnick View Post
    Preach, brother. Leave the grand plots to Hollywood and literature. I'm here to kick ass and get rich.
    Quote Originally Posted by War_lord View Post
    Could you maybe try not insulting anyone who doesn't play the way you want them to. Preferring an old school style of play of fine, you do you. But I do have a problem with this attack, and it is an attack, that D&D play is either what you want or "monologuing in drawing rooms". That's an absurd dichotomy.
    Quote Originally Posted by S@tanicoaldo View Post
    I, for one, welcome our new ranger overlord.
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    2D8HP, you'll always be a nerd in my heart.


    Last edited by 2D8HP; 2020-12-27 at 12:55 PM.

  12. - Top - End - #162
    Orc in the Playground
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    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    Default Tosd archive

    Temporarily dumping the first five parts of TOSD until I can find somewhere else to put it.

    Spoiler: 1. Drohungard

    Well of course the home of the drow (literally "dark") elves would have "dark" or some variation thereof in its name. Otherwise, how would anybody be supposed to know that we lived there? We couldn't have somebody just wandering around expecting some jolly (read: drunk as a badly-planned analogy) dwarves, sly but ultimately cute gnomes, or even, Nevakin forbid, surface elves! Shocked gasp! Thems! Ohhh nooo!
    Of course given that this is an at least slightly forward-thinking continent we happen to have the (mis?)fortune of living on, we wouldn't dream of being racist, oh no. No racism involved here, of course not.
    It's just fact that the surface elves were scheming bastards who drove us out of our lands and into the caves that we live in for no particular reason other than expansionism, or maybe even just racism. Yeeaahh... that makes sense. It's just them what're being the racists!
    It's 'cus they's surface elveses. That's why. Them surface elves is always racists. All of 'em...
    say any acquainted with the history of the drow with no apparent irony.
    As a cave, as a natural formation, it's nothing special. Just a large area where, for one reason or another, rock has rather noticeably failed to appear. As a city with things like architecture and windows, it's the same kind of story. Just a place that defies the outside by not having a severe lack of buildings. We're a functional race, for most intents and purposes. Those are our houses: a lack of nothing. You have to be functional, practical, when you've no contact with the outside world and the main gain in life is to personally gain the favour of Nevakin. There are thousands of us; I hardly think she's going round with a clipboard going "ohh, Na'cine hasn't finished her history homework: minus three favour points." But that's religion, and for the time being, at least, we're stuck with it. It's not like atheism or anything else could ever gain a foothold in all the dogmatism going round. I mean, half our idioms mention her in one way or another.
    Politics-wise, it's a complete web of lies and deceit that you could just unravel by thinking something along the lines of: "well, Ker'anson gave me his quote unquote guarantee that he'd have my back if we were ever up against Ci'vaula, so the one thing that can be guaranteed is he won't." It's astonishing that nobody's ever thought of actually telling (shock gasp horror) the truth for once, so people think the opposite.
    There are a grand total of 64 ruling houses, although if you want to talk in terms of actually wielding any significant power, it caps out at about a dozen. The rest are either just fragments, remnants, descendants or the ghosts of previous houses, or a new upstart house planning to single-handedly revolutionise the system, or the gov-apostrophe-t, or the "freakin' universe, man". As the proud Secondborn Son of the Almighty 57th House (in, rather obviously, descending order) I can boast having exactly zero power. Hell, I doubt if anyone had ever even heard of the house, let alone a boy - and a second one at that!
    We managed to gain this glamourous (read: W-list) lifestyle by eliminating threats not when they attacked, or when they were still dormant, but before they had even thought of being a threat. Somehow, it's worked and House Asmodean is amongst the greats, if only to nab all the cocktail shrimp backstage. We are probably known as the only house which, in a language seemingly centred around the apostrophe (or 'postrophe if you will - and they will) has a name which lacks one. The fact that we'd only have our house recognised from pub quizzes is not lost on us, and most of us spend our days jostling for whatever power percolates down from the top. I never really participated in this affair, if only because I really couldn't be bothered with it all, and had better things to be doing with my time - that is to say, anything else. But it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that despite wanting to get involved as little as possible in the matter, the matter was, slowly but surely, involving me.

    In the way that most things that bring utter despair to those involved happen, it all began on a Monday. I could go on about how it brought my whole world crashing down upon me, but in reality my hold on drow politics was already tenuous at best. At the very least, I doubt Nevakin would ever care what rank of son you were if, either way, you were part of one of the least powerful houses in existence. I'm a practical man, and I'd much rather be not dead than a soon-forgotten martyr to whatever cause I could be said to follow. So when my elderbrother turned up with a crossbow, there wasn't much point in staying. I would like to stress at this point that I was to be killed because I might try and have him killed at some point in the future
    So I left.
    Not a big thing, I mean, I had been contemplating just packing up and jumping ship for a while now and this was just the final push I needed. I made decent progress the first day, not really running to anything, since the geography we'd been taught could be summarised as "thems be evils above; don't go there", but running away from the place where I was wanted dead. I'd forego a master plan in favour of just not being killed.

    Spoiler: 2: The King's Guards

    The next day was a Tuesday, so it was bound to be better. Of course, practically anything would be better than a simultaneous near-death and near-Samath experience. Unfortunately, it started with a near-Amnestria experience instead, and it took a long time for me to work out which was preferrable. Whatever physical details could be described were wiped out of my mind in favour of the more pertinent detail: the arrow she was pointing at my face.
    "And what might a drow be doing in these parts?" she spoke, acid behind every word.
    I spoke the truth, if only because I had no frame of reference for any alternatives. "Um... not being assassinated by my brother?"
    A quizzical look was the only response.
    "Does that count?"
    Before she could respond with any semblance of coherence, she was interrupted by a man in a suit of armour. "Halt!" came the automatic panacea of a greeting, despite the fact that the only one who had been moving for the past two minutes had been him. "Who goes there?" he added, despite the lack of going Amnestria and I were clearly showing. "Alsoifyoucangetthebowanarrowoutofthedrowsfacethat wouldbenicethankyou" he spluttered, his traditional avenues of speech failing him completely.
    Thankfully, she did so, and turned to face the newcomer. Before she could get a word in, though, he interrupted yet again. "I... I think you should come with me."
    Several confusing minutes later (the contents of which are thankfully lost to my memory) we suddenly found ouselves in the company of a dwarf and a human couple. Also we were apparently now new members of the King's Guard, and were going to rid the world of some nezume bandits.
    I turned to Amnestria. "How did we--" I started, but was summarily interrupted by the cap-apostrophe-n.
    "SILENCE on duTAY!" he screamed at the top of his voice, as if the element of surprise was giving him a severe allergic reaction. We approached a clearing, where several bandits were gathering, and for the life of me I can't tell what might have alerted them to our presence-- oh wait.
    "Yer munnay ur yer laif!" announced the bandit. He was a nezume - a rat-man, for want of a better word. His tail flicked menacingly, his teeth bared.
    "(Magic missile)," I whispered, sending a sudden burst of arcane energy towards the bandit who was clearly more prepared for defending against more physical attacks. He crumpled against the wall of a tent.
    "Screwthisimnotgettingpaidenoughforthiscrap," he growled as he scarpered from the scene, one of the couple in pursuit.
    The rest of them were surprisingly quick to deal with - a well-placed sleep spell took out half of them, the dwarf's axe taking out another. Amnestria barely had time to draw her bow before they were all dealt with. Two minutes later, they were all tied up and led to the nearest jail. "A gud day'sh werk," the commander said, nodding severely at us, before walking back to his desk.
    "We were only out there for twenty mi--" the elf started, but was quickly silenced with a well-placed kick.
    "A good day's work," the group's ranger repeated emphatically, glaring at her.
    "For a good day's pay?" I ventured, wanting something to fill the hole in my pocket.
    "Yesh," he admitted, going for one of the drawers in the desk. "Ern hunnert gawld peesees fehr thi itch if yi," his accent growing with every word. "Guud werk terdiy, see yi termahrrah."
    Apart from a translator, that was all we needed, so we headed back to the nearest inn to turn in for the night.
    I mean, it was half three in the afternoon but screw it. I was tired, Amnestria was tired, and her wolven companion that she had inexplicably decided to name "Squishy" was tired.
    It would turn out that we would need all the sleep we could get, because around half-past-reasonable, we were awakened by a well-placed nip from Squishy. There was the unmistakeable sound of somebody trying not to make any. I readied my crossbow and pointed it at the door, and Amnestria braced herself on the opposite wall.
    The intruder didn't come in by the door, rather, through the chimney and into the (lit) fireplace. He tumbled out, slapped at a part of his belt that had caught fire, and bared his teeth, waving his three - three! - swords, one in each gloved hand and one grasped by the nezume's tail.
    I wheeled around and fired my crossbow, but the aim was off, and the bolt looked set to hit Amnestria instead! But the bolt deflected off one of the nezume's swords, sendng sickly viridian sparks flying off the blade. It plunged into his skull. He shuddered as he collapsed, and a sickly smell rose almost immediately from his corpse.
    "What were those swords?" Amnestria gasped, not moving from the back. I moved to pick up one of the fallen swords, but as my finger touched the leather-bound hilt, a sickening nausea hit me an sent me sprawling, heaving. I looked back at the innocuous sword (or, at least, as innocuous as an instrument made for killing can look) and prepared to cast a spell. "Det..." I began, but my knees weakened and I fell to my hands. "Detect Magic."
    The room was bathed in a cool glow, and each of the three swords gave out a blinding aura: a blackness so black, a lack of light so dark it seemed to suck out all the light from around it, an aura that could only belong to an - or indeed, three - items of overwhelming necromancy. I blinked the spell away and slowly crawled towards the corpse of the assassin, and removed his gloves. I put them on - evidently, gloves must be able to dispel or deflect the aura coming from the swords, or else the nezume would have had to defeat us with his vomit - and tried the sword again.
    Nothing, thankfully. I kicked the corpse into the corner and put each of the swords, one by one, in the corner. Try as we might, neither of us could focus on our trance for the rest of the night an the bags under our eyes were all to visible when dawn came.

    Spoiler: 3.Northbound

    The next day, we brought the corpse (and with it, many enquiring stares) to the police headquarters. We had already decided to keep two of the swords - after all, it would just get locked away and with us they might be at least useful.
    "Is this usual?" I demanded of the commander. "Being attacked in the middle of the night by a nezume assassin carrying a sword of overwhelming necromancy, I mean."
    He blinked once, twice, three times. Seeing no immediate response, I heaved the corpse onto his desk, disturbing the various ornaments and paperweights that littered the desk. He protested little. "We managed to deal with him, o'course," I said, matter-of-factly, despite the fact that Amnestria hadn't moved for the whole battle.
    "Um, um, um... good work!" he stammered. Not even his accent wanted any part of it. "Bu... but we, uh, wouldn't want, er, any additional, say, liabilities to our team..."
    "No, I bet you wouldn't," I said dryly.
    "So, em," he continued, apparently inventing new interjections with each breath, "we're gonna hafta let you go."
    Frankly, I still wasn't sure what manner of thing we were being let go from, but that hardly seemed to matter. I turned to leave.
    "Wait, wait. O'course, we can't exactly let this sword keep hanging around here, can we? It might get stolen, and then where would we be? I'd be happy to take it off your hands."
    Which he promptly did, and similarly promptly chucked up his half-digested breakfast unceremoniously onto the corpse.
    "You, uh, might want to wear gloves," I advised, to cover up the elf's giggling. He hurled once more to emphasise his point. I took it that it was probably time to leave the city, and Amnestria seemed to agree, as did the remnants of Old Aunt Betsy's Rummerdump 5a.m. Special that were slowly but surely sucumbing to gravity. "Damned drow and his damned swords," we heard the previous owner of the 5a.m. Special moan as we showed ourselves out.
    "So whewe now?" I prompted, knowing somewhere between next to and basically nothing about geography (besides the oft-mentioned "thems be evil, don't go there" that I felt was being debunked with every waking second on the surface) and hoping that Amnestria would know any measure more, which, for someone who had spent an entire century on the surface, surely shouldn't be hard.
    So, at her request, we made for "that stall place, Stallter or summat like that" after a quick helping of Old Aunt Betty's Rumblebelly 8a.m. Special.
    After around six hours' walking, we chanced upon a little clearing that the road to Stallter (apparently) cut through. We also happened to chance upon its current inhabitants: five kobolds gathered around a campdire, all of which looked quite disgruntled at having their rest disturbed. One of them shouted something indeterminable at us which I could only guess to be a generalised curse. Then, the lead looked more carefully at us, then yelled something at his comrades and levelled a contraption at us. I quickly stepped away from its line of fire (which was more or less whichever way its long barrel looked to be facing) and attempted a sleep spell on the group. Two of them flopped comedically to the ground. However, transfixed by the intricate markings on the kobold's gun, Amnestria stood still, exactly in the line of fire of the lightning bolt that shot out of its barrel. Shaken back to reality, she readied her bow and fired an arrow at her attacker, which bounced harmlessly off the lead's sheathed halberd and away from battle.
    The remaining three kobolds charged, slashing furiously (in both senses of the word) at us and roaring in triumph as they all missed. Squishy charged in climatically from the fray and tumbled into one of the near kobolds, knocking it into another, also placing itself (thankfully) between the lead kobold and the elf. I fired my hand crossbow, but as the bolt soared through the air, he managed to fire off another shot which didn't bother to stop with just Squishy but went through it to its master, too, who collapsed in a heap, unconscious. The bolt hit, though, and the lead kobold tried to fire off another shot, but he had underestimated the thing's weight and fired during the turn, neatly taking care of a third kobold, as Squishy savaged the fourth. A final shot from my hand crossbow finished the leader off, and the battlefield fell silent, bar Squish's panting, which immediately, as if on cue, turned into a mournful howl for its master. I managed to bandage up Amnestria's wounds to a reasonabe degree, before hiding her behind a bush. I ran the 10-or-so kilometers back to town, and, having procured the correct wand, hurried at a similar pace back towards Amnestria. Waving the wand in a random pattern, I attempted to cast the spell.
    After another two minutes, the wand had been retrieved from its new home (embedded in a nearby eucalyptus at the other end of the grove) and this time, its spell was cast correctly. Groggily, the elf woke up, gloved hand immediately shooting to the hilt of her sword and finding it, thankfully, still there.
    "You... you saved my life," she whispered. "But you're a drow... why would a drow..." she shook her head as if to clear the cobwebs that had gathered there in the last few hours, and at last took note of her surroundings.
    "Wait, why is it dusk already?" she demanded, eyes widening at the sight of the already-setting sun. "What did you do?"
    "I was running all the way back to town to buy you this wand and save your life, that's what," I replied matter-of-factly.
    She stood up and wrapped her arms around me. "And here I was thinking all drow were evil," she confessed, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.
    "That'll be 45gp," I reminded, feeling the chilling glare immediately. "I'm chaotic neutral." She sighed, and reached for her purse.

    Spoiler: 4: Stahltor

    By the time we arrived in the town actually called Stahltor, the next day had already dawned. We made our way to what I had been assured was a place where we could buy and sell the things that the Iron Empire didn't exactly want bought or sold. It wasn't long before "overwhelming necromancy" was on the lips of each and every patron of this service.
    That evening, we were approached by an interested party. As usual in these sorts of exchanges, no names were given. If I recall correctly, they were Death, Sauron and King Arthur. We were something along the lines of Fat Man and Little Girl, despite none of the adjectives being remotely true. We haggled for a good half hour before coming to an agreement - 4500gp for each sword, and an additional 500 for the "secret" of how to "unlock" the mysterious "powers" safely. I handed the swords over, and Death grabbed the handles eagerly, before immediately keeling over - and dying.
    "The secret is wear gloves," I smirked before darting behind Squishy. King Arthur charged for us immediately, greatsword held high, with a roar of "I knew we shouldn't have trusted a drow!" The wolf bore the grunt of it, but not before I loosed a shot from the kobold gun I'd picked up from the roadside. The burst of (some form of) energy seared the air as it travelled, before hitting the knight square in the chest. Only enraged, he slashed visciously at Squishy, who managed to dodge the hits. The elf launched an arrow at Sauron, who hadn't participated yet, bar searching his comrade's wallet. He wheeled around, moving his mace to try and block it, but he was too slow and the arrow sunk in.
    In a furious rage, he launched a spell of burning hands at us, which singed a large portion of her hair but otherwise did nothing. I fired another shot from the gun, and Amnestria did the same with her bow, having formed a battle strategy along the lines of use your most powerful attack on the most powerful enemy, which, given the circumstances, wasn't as hare-brained as what she usually came up with; although, for those not blighted with the haranguement of being Amnestria, that isn't the most difficult of concepts.
    As Arthur charged once more, I lowered my halberd and gingerly thrusted it at him. As it connected, a bolt of energy shot straight though the blade and into the same spot the previous hit had opened. And then there was one - Sauron, who was promptly and savagely savaged by the savage Squishy.
    The alleyway fell quiet, and the reality of the past minute or so started to sink in. We had killed people who had, to all intents and purposes, had no intent or purpose to kill us. It wasn't self-defense. Hell, it probably wasn't even manslaughter.
    It was murder.
    "Murder..." I whispered to myself, as if the wind could catch the word if it were any more substantial and thrust it back at me in some kind of protagonistic double-take. "We just murdered three innocent..."
    "Ha!" Amnestria cackled, triumphantly. "Keep the swords and the money! How didn't you think of this sooner? Evil or not, you drows sure have some good ideas."
    I regained my common sense hastily and reclaimed my sword from Death, careful not to meet my Rumblebelly 8a.m. special a second time (you never know).
    "Look at this!" a shriek came from the left. The elf was holding up King Arthur's breastplate with a considerable mass of King Arthut's breast still attached to it. "You've only gone and put a hole in it. I was going to use it as armour for Squishy!"
    "Alrighty then," I declared with as much sarcasm as physically possible, "we'll just go and take him to the local priest who'll raise him back from the dead and then we can kill him again without scratching the nice shiny armour then. Let's do that."
    She sighed and rolled her eyes, as if this plan of mine was thoroughly below the standards she expected of people - and which, I hastily wish to add, she had met perhaps only once or twice in the course of her life so far. "But the armour will still be scratched!" she explained wiith a voice as condescending as humaly possible. "Use your head next time, ok?"
    My palm met my face within a matter of milliseconds.

    Spoiler: 5: The Broadwater

    In the night, something happened, announced by a quick nip from Squishy. If it was morning already, it was the small hours where nothing good could ever possibly happen. So familiar was the premise of being woken up while in an inn at half-past-reasonable that I already knew Amnestria would be at the back of the room in shock and that I would be aiming my hand crossbow in the general direction of (for lack of a fireplace) the door. However, it wasn't an assassin this time.
    In fact, the Stahltor City Watch had turned up at the inn we were staying at, demanding that certain magical shortswords were to be confiscated. Apparently, the Iron Empire had ruled at some ancient time that magic weapons were a "danger to the citizenry" and a "threat to the fabric of society" et cetera, et cetera, so an edict (or act, or proclamation, et cetera, et cetera) was issued stating that all such items were to be confiscated and summarily locked up in a steel tower (which gave the city its name) until the end of time, or they became non-magical once more, whichever came first.
    There was no real possibility of fighting back this time, and I highly doubted I'd get in as lucky a shot as the previous early-morning encounter, so we decided just to go with it. After all, being in low esteem (to say the least) with one city watch was bad enough. We handed over the weapons - reluctantly, in the case of Amnestria - and paid a small fine for their possession. I thought it prudent to tell them to wear gloves before they tried taking them, instead of after.
    So of course, we had to leave the Iron Empire. Too many things had happened there, and at least one of them was bound to come up and bite us later. That morning, we made for one of the towns that dotted the banks of the great river, the Broadwater - so called because it was broad, and had an unmistakeable watery quality about it.
    I had already crossed it once, on my adrenaline-and-fear-fuelled sprint away from Drohungard, and crossing it back again would lead us closer to Dunkelheim, the samll drow town above ground with which wares could be traded between my kin and the "thems be evil" surface folk. I didn't know anyone there, having spent all of my life up until Monday living in Drohungard, but there were easy ways to traverse from one to the other, all the while staying (as most drow preferred it) underground. There was a ferry available to take, and for a small fee, it would take us the mile or so across the Broadwater and drop us off at the town on the other side. As we sat on a rickety bench on the similarly worringly rickety craft, we mulled over our options.
    "So we can't go to the land of elves, because you're a drow," Amnestria started.
    "And we can't go to the land of drow, because you're an elf," I reminded her. Not that her race would hinder her at all there - it wouldn't have a chance to before her observance skills comparable to that of a partially-sighted muskrat finished her off. She'd never see the blade that would inevitably end her life in the underbelly of Dunkelheim (or just the belly of Drohungard) - and she probably still wouldn't if it had been stuck between her eyes.
    "We can't go to the land of goblins - and if we do, we shouldn't stay long, 'cause of the papwerwork," the elf remarked, bringing me (regrettably) away from visions of her timely demise.
    "Paperwork?" I parroted, incredulously. The few goblins that had come to Drohungard iun the past hadn't exactly been bureaucratic, to say the least. Inebriated if you were being kind.
    "You'/ll find out soon enough," she said, "since the only place we can go is the land of dwarves, and we'll have to go through Grûmfeld to get to it."
    "But aren't there dwarven towns near the Broadwater?" I asked. I knew enough to know that dwarves were on the far side of Grûmfeld from us, which meant the great river would line its eastern border. No town would be by the river but have nothing to do with it.
    "Bah!" the cap-apostrophe-n of the HMS Ten Planks of Wood splurted, interjecting himself into the conversation with as much subtelty as a sledgehammer. "None o' 'em bastards've gotta port!"
    Apparently, dwarf towns would be by the river and have nothing to do with it.

    End of Session 1.
    Spoiler: things in which I used to be involved before i was claimed by the great pestilence of exams
    The One Sane Drow (Vergil: Drow Sorcerer 5, CN)
    The Uprise (IC/OOC) (Ker'anson: Drow Arcane Spellcaster 4, NE)

    Running Total Of Things I've Critically Hit That Jormengand Didn't Want Me To Critically Hit: 3

  13. - Top - End - #163
    Barbarian in the Playground
    DimpleLoamsdown's Avatar

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    Default Re: Long Signature Thread

    Spoiler: Banners

    Spoiler: Avatars
    Amazing avatars by Gengy:
    Less amazing, more unrelated avatar by me:

    Avatar by me.

  14. - Top - End - #164
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Genius idea tbh, weird I haven't seen these around more often

  15. - Top - End - #165
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Next to the Mandolinist

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    You know?

    I just realized that I don't have an extended signature.

    I would make this post in rhyme, except I can't think of a word that rhymes with "signature" that fits in without feeling awkward.

    Anyway. This post is now part of my signature. It will be linked to shortly.

    Spoiler: Cycle of Quotes

    "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
    Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
    -Martin Luther King, Jr.

    "Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful,
    more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions
    nothing is lacking and nothing is superfluous." ~Leonardo da Vinci

    Literary/gaming/etc factions I'm associated with
    Hogwarts: Slytherin (12" Apple wood with unicorn hair core and slightly yielding flexibility)
    HEX: Also Slytherin (Hag Hair, Hornbeam, 13 1/2 inches, Left Hand)
    Ilvermorny: Thunderbird
    Patronus: Stoat
    Divergent Factions: Amnity
    D&D Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Magic the Gathering: Red/Green/White (tricolor) and Green/White (two color)
    Meyers-Briggs: ENFP
    D&D Class: Some impossibly weird combination of Bard, Ranger, and Paladin
    Five Elements: Water
    Humoralism: Sanguine
    Homestuck classpect: I got Muse of Life, but unfortunately I know nothing about Homestuck, so.
    Blood Type: B+

    Stories/things/etc that I show up in:
    GitP Regulars as...
    a chaotic Red/Green/White MtG card: Jeudi, Soul of the Sonata by Blue Ghost
    an undying Red MtG card: Mahonri Violinist by Amechra
    a vestige of strife, terror, and injustice: Mahroni, the Violist by Zaydos

    Chronicle of the D War by Blue Ghost (mostly)
    Paladin Academy by Silver Raptor
    Tales from the House of Glass by Rabbit

    Structured Games I've been in
    Probably I'll fill this one out later

    Nexus Characters
    Most of them
    Harley Zorzo's Backstory: Honor, Freedom, Betrayal, Lies, Change, Fallen, Pain
    Harley Zorzo's Backstory: The Seven Decisions

    Spoiler: Probably where I'll put avatars

    Probably I'll have them here, the ones that I've used before that I made and feel like putting here and that I can still find

    Made-on-Computer for fun

    Photography/Pencil and paper for fun (Majora's Mask made by my sister)

    Made using Doll Divine for whatever reason

    For avatar theme weeks

    Made based on roleplaying/SMBG/etc

    Wow, I had forgotten about most of these avatars; I need to cycle through them more.
    Last edited by 5a Violista; 2017-04-16 at 02:32 AM.
    Favorite sports:
    Football (Soccer)
    Figure Skating
    (and basically everything else that starts with 'f')
    ALSO! Come roleplay FFRPG in the Nexus!
    Nexus Characters.

  16. - Top - End - #166
    Orc in the Playground
    Asmodean_'s Avatar

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    Mar 2016
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    Spoiler: 6. Transit Permit

    We were dumped uinceremoniously on the other side of the river and went about finding the road south. There was no telling whether Samath had come up near Dunkelheim to finish the job or not. Certainly, he wouldn't have taken my "if you want me gone that bad, I'll just go" at face value. Inevitably, obviously I was hiding in the shadows somewhere, waiting for him to let his guard down so I could bring my plans forward and usurp his position. I'mm a drow; I certainly wouldn't have been telling the truth to him. How insulting that I'd think him that gulliable. With drows - especially with him - "the truth" was something that the other side wanted you to think, when the reality waas something completely different. Thankfully, we managed to give both him and Dunkelheim a wide enough berth and, as we trekked towards the border with Grumfell, we didn't encounter him.
    We were greeted at the border post by a goblin with white-stained chain armour and a look about him that suggested he took far too much pride in his work. After a lengthy questioning - mostly pertaining to "yer gonna stir up trouble?" and "yer sure yer not gonna stir up trouble?" - we were granted a transit permit, which allowed us to three days in the (Grand Democratic Republic of the Nation of) Grumfell on the premise that we'd be crossing it, and no more. We finished Friday in an inn in Inningsford, a small thorp around halfway down through the country.
    I'd anticipated it this time, and managed to wake up before Squishy took a nip at my hand. A huge crash followed, wresting Amnestria from her sleep. "What in the--"
    A troll lumbered past the window, smashing a hut into pieces. Hurrying downstairs, the scene was no better. Half of the wall of the inn's wall had been torn apart, leaving only the sturdy load-bearing pillars. Glass fragments littered the floor, and the corpse of the owner who had unwisely decided to confront the beast lay mostly unrecognisable across the room. The rest of him hadn't made the journey and had instead impaled themselves on glass shards sticking out from the table. Cautiously, we moved around the destruction and out into the open street. Amnestria gawked at the sight of it, flailing its arms around in a careless melée of destruction as it lumbered steadily on towards the woods. I readied the bronze sights, but stopped.
    This wasn't our fight. If I had been locked up like that, well, a little revenge destruction's only healthy for the mind. I went back to (what remained of) the inn to collect our things.
    Unsurprisingly, we were contacted later that morning for a retrieval mission. Apparently this troll was property of the thorp which used it for gladiatorial purposes (the troll's regenerative powers meant it could be utilized as an animate punching bag) and to train the soldiers to fight for some goblin king - against other soldiers fighting for some other goblin king. Politics!
    After a nondescript breakfast we set off with a cohort of four of the most trained goblins in the direction of the troll. Even with Amnestria's amazing(ly horrible) observation skills, it was hard to miss the trail of destruction in the form of upturned cairns, broken trees and the occasional splatter of troll blood. We found it lying in a clearing a few miles out from the thorp, scratching at its belly, blissfully unaware of the six forms slowly advancing on it. It had hundreds of pounds on us, but we at least had tactics and the element of sur
    "Oh my god it's hideous!" shrieked Amnestria with all the tact of a small mentally retarded lemming.

    Spoiler: 7. There And Back Again

    The troll lumbered towards us, probably unaware it had just been complimented. I raised the gun (it clearly was our business now) and fired. The reset of the battle was a blur of shouting, flashes of light and the ever-present roar of the injured troll. The next thing that comes easily to mind is us heading back to the thorp with an unconscious troll being dragged unceremoniously behind us. Periodically, one of the goblin soldiers would gingerly stab at it with his halberd, to keep their regenerative powers from suddenly becoming useful and necessitating that we fight the battle once more. In no mood to use up any more of my ever-decreasing spell slots, I nodded my approval and went about clearing my mind of the accumulated cobwebs and trying to figure out what had happened. Nothing came, so I set my gaze back on the horizon where some rather helpless-looking shacks were slowly drawing closer.
    The troll had taken more out of the thorp than I had first seen – around half the houses had been damaged in some way by the troll and two had completely collapsed. For their sakes, I hoped they had figured out a better way to secure it. In thanks, we were gifted with a strange artefact that had come into the hands of the villagers a while back – a sword that caused sickness in those it touched. I looked at Amnestria, knowingly. This was – since it was impossible that the swords from Stahltor had gotten from all the way over there to all the way over here – yet another of these swords, so at the very least, there were four in total. Yes, that's right, four overwhelmingly necromantic swords of doom – and there very well might be many more. After all, it's not like we had somehow come across the only four in existence; if we had, then the laws of probability would just give up and we'd both be struck by lightning. Perhaps it had been steered this way by Nevakin – but of course, there was Amnestria. Even if she wasn't an elf, she was absent-minded to the tune of impaired, and I was a runaway nobleman without an evil alignment. Surely there must have been someone, anyone more qualified for gathering overwhelmingly necromantic swords of doom than us.
    Thankfully, she had the sense to keep quiet about our previous adventures with the swords – who knows what might have happened if she'd opened her mouth once more. I graciously accepted the award and, as we had been completely spent, worked on rebuilding what we could of the inn so we could safely stay the night there without having it crash down upon us (or, given the stability of the lower walls, having us crash down upon it). A sufficient number of hours later, we (as well as around twenty goblins, which seemed to be the entire population of the thorp) had jury-rigged the walls of the inn so that we could be reasonably comfortable with staying the night in it. The next day, we set out, and were promptly approached by – of course – another group of goblins with another side-quest for us.
    Apparently everybody wore the colours of the house they supported around these parts – the troll had some blue-stained loincloth – which dictated which village things belonged to. Weaponry and wares traded between the two, if they were at all, would be hastily re-stained upon purchase. They hadn't gotten around to re-staining the troll's loincloth, which meant that the troll was still officially property of the blue faction, as opposed to the green one that had gifted us the sword. We were to – of course – jury-rig the chains holding the troll (which had done such a good job so far) so that the troll could escape and meet back with its owners further south down the road.
    Before I could poke any holes in the system of “it's my colour therefore it's mine”, Amnestria, who was clearly picking up the strategies of the neutral alignment, demanded: “And what would our reward be for releasing this troll?”
    The lead (or at least, the one who seemed to be in the lead) grunted, “We have weaponry. A nice little enchanted sword for yous if we get our troll back.”
    Of course.
    There were five of them, weren't there.

    Spoiler: 8. Troll Wrangling (Part II)

    So of course we decided to go through with the plan. The overt heel face turn we were to pull regarding the troll hardly seemed to matter (and I, for one, wasn't about to complain about getting more of these swords), and it's not like we ever held any allegiance to either side, green or blue. We turned around and headed back towards Inningsford.
    At this point, most narrators would detail something about how the town had changed since the protagonists had been and went, but it was only a matter of hours and it was completely unchanged, except for a small detail of general builders who were cutting timber for a new wall for one of the houses. From a distance, behind the cover of a shrubbery, we discussed tactics.
    “If at all possible,” I began, “we should avoid being seen. I'd rather get the troll out as quickly as possible and avoid any confilct that could see mys–” I stalled slightly, and rephrased my argument as to not seem as self-centered, “that could see any of us harmed. Calming a troll ought to be difficult enough, and there's no way we could do it if we had dozens of goblins breathing down our necks.”
    The majority of the goblins agreed to this – with the frankly pitiful amounts of experience they had managed to obtain before having their animate punching bag stolen, none of them would come out of any scuffle with the locals unscathed, and there was a serious posibility of one of them dying. As for myself, I had a wand I could use (hopefully without it attempting to forcibly rejoin the tree it was hewn from) to cure any light wounds incurred, and Amnestria, being a druid, had multitudes of spells I would have to assume she had prepared and could use if the need arose. But even so, obtaining the wounds in the first place would hurt, and despite there being magic to cure them, I'd rather not have to cure anything in the first place.
    “Any objections?” I ventured, sure that nobody would suggest otherwise.
    “You sure we couldn't rough 'em up a bit, teach 'em a bit of a lesson?” came an arrogant voice from the left. “Theys were the ones what stole our troll, theys should be the ones what get our blades!” He was quickly shushed by one of the older goblins, who was thankfully aware that there were green-aligned goblins only a hundred or so feet away.
    “You'd likely get their blades in return, which I'm sure you wouldn't want,” I warned, and before he could object with more gratuitous bravado, the conversation concluded. “Let's go. And remember: no witnesses.”
    Confident that my instructions would be heeded, I motioned towards the arena in the centre of town. The builders were all focused around a blueprint laid out on a table, and didn't even notice the clanking of Squishy's armour as they argued with each other on the specifics of the task.
    The arena wasn't really an arena per se, as a rough circle of cobbled stone wall about thirty feet in radius centred about a ten-foot pillar, to which there were rusted iron shackles attached by some similarly rusted pegs, to which there was a rather irritated troll attached by virtue of having its hands trapped in the shackles. Using some prestidigitation, I managed to loosen the pegs, which hadn't been securely fastened to the pillar any further than being allowed to rust into it. It was a testament to the troll's (lack of) intelligence that he hadn't figured out he could have escaped any time since being brought back that morning by just tugging on the shackles and walking out. It's not like twenty mostly untrained goblins would have been able to provide significant opposition.
    Alerted by the sound (and also by the drow and elf beside it) but unable to recognise us through the mystical power of not having enough brain cells to store the events of yesterday in any detail more than “rampaged, slept, knocked unconscious, in arena”, it grunted quizzically: what were these silly creatures doing?
    In response, I pointed to a spot on the ground a dozen feet or so in front of it. “Stand there,” I said, recalling Samath's way with the rothe back in Drohungard (it feels so far away now, like a dream fading into the ether). He never acted like he was telling the beast that he was clearly better than it, he acted like both of them already knew that and it was obvious anyway, and this all could be over much quicker if you'd just obey this instruction. I wouldn't hurt you, you're a valuable resource and they're a pain to replace. Go on.
    The troll attempted to step forward, oblivious to the fact he was tethered by thick iron chains to the pillar. He halted, surprised, then furrowed his brow to the extent that troll brows can be furrowed, and attempted to walk forward one more time. Again, he was stopped by the shackles.
    “Stand there,” I repeated, more emphatically this time. Gosh, it's not so hard, it's just standing in a place, for the love of Nevakin. It's not like I'm asking you to scale the peaks of western Grumfell or master a complicated spell, it's just standing there. Don't make this harder than it really needs to be, I thought you were better than that.
    The troll glared at the spot I had motioned to, as if he could somehow teleport himself there by examining it closely. He took stronger steps this time, more determined. The pegs tore themselves out of their former home in the pillar, and the troll stumbled forwards. It was free. It scratched its belly nonchalantly, then began to walk towards the exit.
    Where, alerted by the noise, five green-aligned goblin soldiers had suddenly appeared, infurated that the troll should escape two days in a row.

    Spoiler: 9. Nobody Will Notice

    There wasn't much for it, so full-blown combat ensued. With all the agility I could muster, I leaped up and whispered into the troll's left ear something I hoped a creature such as him could understand - “get them” - and hoped for the best. To my delight, he grunted, and trudged into the fray, sending one of the green goblins flying into the air and, quite quickly, the arena wall, where he slumped to the ground, unconscious. Amnestria decided to unelash a barrage of arrows into the fray; all that could be said about it was that at least a fifth of the arrows hit some form of goblin. Of course, it seemed they were rather too busy to take issue with any pretense of friendly fire. The blue goblin youth who had spoken up previously seemed to be taking more joy in this than was strictly healthy, but he was at least getting the job done. I readied a sleep spell but realised that – with my aim, at least – I'd only hit the ones on my side. Instead, I climbed up onto the wall and took my station near the entrance, watching to see if any others would intrude on the battle.
    And of course others would – others couldn't exactly ignore the commotion going on. In fairness, I had neglected to tell the troll to be quiet, but I wouldn't want him to obey at the expense of forgetting the first instruction. I lowered the kobold contraption and fired a shot, hitting one of the squad square in the chest. He crumpled and I attempted to hide behind a crude parapet the goblins had decided to put on the arena walls. The thunk of a crossbow bolt being rudely interrupted by a boulder came barely a second later. I jumped up again and cast a sleep spell on the lot before they could fire again, and another two fell, leaving just the crossbowman, who let off another shot just before my ducking behind the parapet again – but he was too fast, and the bolt lodged in my shoulder. Pain shot across my body, and spots began to appear. With the seconds I had to take to recover, I looked back at the battle in the arena – two of the blues had fallen in battle, the upstart searching both their pockets and the pockets of the six defeated greens. The troll was looking around nonchalantly, and decided to scratch itself again. Amnestria was missing, though, and I tried to call out for her. But as I was calling, I had twisted my shoulder, sending fresh new waves of pain rippling through my body. I knew what had to be done in the circumstances, and tore the bolt out. Collapse was near, red white and black spots lined my vision and it seemed I was falling, falling–
    But I landed, and the shock sent a second wave of adrenaline to my limbs, which shot instinctively for the wand. I uttered the words as best I could, concentrating on the intonations and accents. A flash of light, and I felt the flesh of my shoulder knitting itself back together, the pain reached a crescendo and then faded altogether, and I slumped against the wall, nearly spent. Stumbling to my feet, I peeked round the corner, but the three goblins who hadn't died yet certainly had now, with arrows poking through each of their chests, vermillion blood seeping into an ever-widening circle. Amnestria's work, evidently. But she was still nowhere to be seen.
    I glanced back at the troupe of green goblins, who were passing around a philter of some unidentifyable brownish liquid which seemed to be doing them a world of good. I sat down by them, motioning for the bottle. They passed it round to me and I took a swig – it tasted sweet, like the candy spiders you'd find at any Drohungard fair ever, but also had a hint of the most magical bean in any plane of existence. I held the drink out in front of me, scrutinizing its milky depths.
    “This...” I stuttered a little. “This is a latte.”
    The lead goblin nodded in approval. “Who needs ale when you've got a light roast?”
    Truly, this trip was turning my expectations on their head. I had expected a full meat feast, based on the goblins I had seen at Drohungard. But one of them had taken out a box and was admiring a sandwich on whole wheat bread with what seemed to be salad leaves and hummus.
    I stood up and walked to the arena's exit – if they were going to whip out the kale I didn't want to be there. The town seemed so tranquil, so peaceful and still, if you ignored the festering corpses in the streets, which was extremely hard to do. “Where has that blasted elf got to?” I muttered aloud.
    “Trust me, yer better off without 'er,” the upstart opined, walking up to me. “Them sorts o' girls be nuffin' but trouble. I should know,” he winked, “I married one!”
    Pleased with what semblance of a reaction he could infer from my usual poker face, he held out a sword to me. “This be yers now. Ye earned it.” I gazed at its adamantine glow, and offered some generic thanks, before re-sheathing it and tucking it in my bag.
    The birds called in the trees, although if they were vultures I wouldn't be surprised. Couldn't tell though, I'd have to ask Amnestria.
    Speaking of which, there she was, coming out of one of the houses with more blood on her face than Nevakin herself and holding her shortsword in her hands, the blood that still stained it steaming and turning a sickly brown. “Hi Verg!” she said, the completely uncalled for abbreviation grating my ears. “How's it gone? Did we win?”
    I motioned to the pile of green goblin bodies and nodded. “I think so, they seem pretty dead to me.” It hit me then what had happened. “Where were you?”
    “Oh, just mopping up the witnesses,” she shrugged. “It's ok, they're all dead now.”
    “...all?” I choked. “What 'all'?”
    “Every last one of them, just like you said! They won't be sleeping sound in their beds tonight – because they won't be alive to sleep!” Pleased with what I can only guess was supposed to be a joke, she sheathed her sword and wiped some errant hair out of her mouth.

    Spoiler: 10. (If there's) Nobody to Notice

    “But you said!” she protested, incredulous at our shocked stares. “You said no witnesses! I distinctly remember the words no witnesses coming out of your mouth!”
    I slapped my palm to my face, indulging in the thought that it would be hers next time. “I meant that we should try to stay hidden, not massacre everybody in the village!”
    “Well why didn't you say that then?” Because, of course, it was my fault the dozens of innocent goblins were dead, wasn't it. If only I hadn't worded my instructions that way. Alternatively if only the elf hadn't gone on a murder spree rampage!
    “I've never–” I caught myself just in time, because I had, really. “Apart from Samath, I've never been in the company of anyone who would use that sentence to get to that conclusion!”
    “You've clearly been in the wrong company, then!” she retorted, with only slightly less sense than usual.
    I sighed, and brought my palm up to my face once more. Thank you oh so very much Amnestria, now I have even more variables to think through. I remained silent for a few seconds, formulating what would hopefully turn out to be a plan in my head. A semblance of one appeared, and a smile came to my mouth. Information travels by speed of the fastest thing that wants to carry it. All we had to do was beat it.
    “Okay maybe this won't be a complete and utter failure,” I began, inspiring hope in the elf– oh wait no she's just left to talk with the other goblins. “This is a complete and utter failure.” Resigned, I trudged back to the campfire where she was already giving word of her quote unquote heroic exploits to the blue soldiers. Apparently at some point during the ten-minute chaos she had found time to duel the mayor of the town in a climatic face-off. I recalled the innkeeper (by Nevakin, it's ex-inkeeper now, isn't it) muttering about the mayor's nocturnal habits. More likely, the elf had chanced upon him while he was still sleeping and/or hungover from the previous night's exploits – having been around nobility I know just how much one person can get done in one night – and decided he'd make a rather nice temporary shortsword sheath. The blues, however, were just lapping this up. I walked over to Amnestria and whisphered in her ear: “we have to go now,” before dragging her away from the group (and prying eyes) and out of the arena.
    “Ugh, are you going to lecture me on morals? A drow, of all people? And a nobility drow–” I cut her off mid-tangent.
    “We don't have time to discuss morals. How long do you think it'll be until someone finds this?”
    “Cecil and his guys have already found it. They made it!” she answered, missing the point as usual.
    “They're not exactly going to report us. What they – with our help – did isn't the kind of thing you tell the local constable about. But how long do you think it will be before someone else finds this Nevakin-blasted horror show?” She shrugged. “And how suspicious do you think the border guards will be of adventureres if it turns out one of them has massacred an entire town?”
    The elf swept a blood-stained strand of hair out of her mouth and sighed. “Stop talking in italics, Vergil. It won't do you any good.”
    My turn to sigh. “So we have to get out of the country as soon as humanly possible. Get through to Freuegard before word gets to the southern wall about the Inningsford Massacre. The dwarves won't give a drider's last leg about what happened here, hell, they'll probably give you a Nevakin-blasted medal! But that won't happen unless we leave. Right. Now.”
    She looked lost in thought for several moments, although probably it would be more accurate to say that she was trying to find one. There aren't many that survive long in that head. I glanced around nervously, in case any errant travellers were to chance upon us now. None came in the aeons it took for a coherent thought to form in Amnestria's head. She smiled. “I kinda want a medal... It'd look cute, right?”
    Stoic. No emotions. Poker face no matter how harebrained what she just said was.
    “Yeah okay sure let's just go.”
    Several uneventful hours later (there was nothing more to say on the subject of the morning's slaughter, and at the very least there wouldn't be any witnesses for a short while), we came to a border wall with a small opening, next to which a goblin sat in a chair reading some sort of broadsheet. At the sight of us, he jumped up and barked for our permits. “You travellers, traders or adventurers?”
    “Why?” I ventured. We had both a transit permit and an adventurer's permit valid, although the former expired the next day. I had to be sure to present the one that would keep us out of trouble.
    “Well,” the guard helpfully explained, “there's word of a pair of adventurers who completely wiped out a small thorp called Inningsford,” (stoic, no emotions, poker face) “so we're to arrest any who come up here with an adventurer's permit.” I neglected, rather wisely, to mention just how well telling people of this rule before checking permits was working to catch the perpetrators.
    “Well,” I responded, making sure to hold out the transit permit, “neither of us have those. We just got transit permits for passing through.” Somehow, Amnestria didn't make a hash of the situation by correcting me – maybe she'd figured out what subterfuge was – and the guard checked our papers and let us through. We made our way across the hundred-metre innaccurately named “de-militarized zone” that separated Grumfell and Freuegard, sidestepping caltrops, barricades and wards alike, and officially entered the dwarven federation of Freuegard–
    “Halt!” decried a guard, using the universal panacea of a greeting. “Who goes there?”
    I gave an aside glance at Amnestria, who was evidently having a similar strain of deja vu. “I swear if you get us conscripted into another local guard force...”

    Spoiler: 11. Distract With Wolf

    He looked to be a paladin, and had no particularly distinguishing features other than having all his distinguishing features obscured by his gleaming armour, in which he held himself highly (as possible for a dwarf) with clear respect and joy for doing his duty. I sighed inwardly. He was going to be one of those, wasn't he.
    Back in Drohungard, there was a family of nobility (around 40th or something) that took honour incredibly seriously to the point of being outright divas. It took at most a year or so for the phrase “worse than the Ki'wallahs” to become a mainstream (I believe that is what the young whipper-snappers call it these days) idiom for having a sickening amount of honour, ego and general stiff-upper-lip. The Ki'wallahs would never say “Hi, I'm Tu'raka,” they'd enter to a trumpet fanfare, do either a flurry present and bow or a condescending nod of mild approval, depending on where exactly you were on the Drohungard house heirarchy, and then announce themselves as something along the lines of “The Right Honourable Tusala Rakane (whatever whatever – these guys had hundreds of middle names) Kitora Wallah of the 42nd Great House of Drohungard And Surrounding Areas, Slayer of Traitors, Pledged to the Cause (all honour great and small to our lady Nevakin), Fighter for Dignity, Pious in Faith (all honour great and small to our lady Nevakin),” and so forth and so forth and by the time they'd finished the meeting had ended half an hour ago and they'd all left and the only person left was the janitor mopping up a spilt beer or two. Frankly it was a miracle they found time to breathe during all that.
    But when I told Amnestria “look out, he looks like he could be worse than the Ki'wallahs” she had no idea. It's all well and good (although it isn't) berating me about knowing next to nothing about the surface world but where I do have specialised knowledge it's passed over?
    There was no time to do any berating of her, though, since the paladin in shining armour was already upon us. “We thought they would never be recovered,” he announced, apparently coming to the assumption that we knew exactly what these swords were and why we were recovering them. “Many thanks to you, your wife, and your wolven companion,” he continued. I resisted slapping him upside his bearded face purely for diplomatic reasons and decided to wait until later before explaining how we weren't the people he was looking for and emphatically weren't married. “If you hand them over quickly we can get them to the temple and get them destroyed and this'll all be sorted out by supper.”
    An aside glance at Amnestria – I wasn't particularly willing to give up these swords, given that they could reportedly sell for up to five thousand gold each (and extra gold's always a nice thing). She had that incredibly rare “thoughtful” face on, where she was, hopefully, weighing up options on the future of our swords, rather than weighing up which dwarf would be the cutest to present her with the medal. “What if,” she opined aloud, “we don't want that to happen?” And with that any pretense of her being anything other than completely absent-minded vanished in a puff of undiplomatic smoke. She apparently thought it could do with elaboration: “I mean we can sell these for a lot – hell, we almost did before Verg killed 'em, so maybe just we don't destroy them and sell them?”
    Ten decades of sitting through the most blatant lies, veiled truths and utter stupidity in the Chambers of Drohungard had still not prepared me for what some of the surface elves could muster. It took all my willpower to not shout her down or slap her in the face – although it looked like the paladin was having the same thoughts. He rested his hand on the hilt of his greatsword: “You can hand them over or we'll hand them from you,” he declared. It took a while for me to figure out he was speaking in Common and not some grammatically retardant dialect of Dwarvish.
    At the sight of the threat, Squishy, who had been strangely quiet ever since the Inningsford incident, growled and stepped in front of the both of us – was he larger now? I couldn't tell. He and the paladin stared each other in the eye for a good minute, no words being exchanged on either side. I started to slip away back towards Grumfell (who knows maybe going back to Drohungard or, failing that, Dunkelheim, wouldn't be such a bad idea, maybe Samath's calmed down) and, at the outraged “Hey!” from the paladin, started off at a sprint. It was six, maybe seven seconds, and then the phrase “angel on my shoulder” got a whole lot more literal as one tackled me from the air to the ground.
    “Since when–” I interrupted myself to spit some dirt out of my mouth, “Since when did you have wings?”
    “It comes with the job,” came the celestial voice with the same dwarven accent as before, “To take out any who decide to turn their backs and run away from the light of justice. Although more literally, this time.” He lifted me to my feet and dragged me towards the guard post where another three dwarves were restraining the elf and wolf.
    “What made you think fighting such a powerful dwarf was a good idea?” she screeched, as if I had planned to duel to the death or something.
    “Well I was thinking more along the lines of “distract him with a large wolf while I run away as fast as possible” and how was I to know that was going to happen?”
    The paladin took a glance at his comrades and nodded, prompting them to start going through our packs. There was just the general adventuring equipment, and, rather thankfully, they found the swords before they found anything else that might be incriminating in either of our packs. He took a shortsword in each hand and strode off towards the guard tower.
    “At least he's wearing gloves.”

    - End of Session Two[/spoiler]
    Spoiler: things in which I used to be involved before i was claimed by the great pestilence of exams
    The One Sane Drow (Vergil: Drow Sorcerer 5, CN)
    The Uprise (IC/OOC) (Ker'anson: Drow Arcane Spellcaster 4, NE)

    Running Total Of Things I've Critically Hit That Jormengand Didn't Want Me To Critically Hit: 3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bard1cKnowledge
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    Spoiler: Werewolf Results
    Game Role Result
    Phantom of the Opera Werewolf IX: Digital Phantoms Clara Computer exploded Night 7
    Duck Season II: Firing Back Wolf Shot by a goose Day 4
    Forum Wars WW Moderator Ferreted out Night 4
    Brotherhood WW: Victorian Age Avatar of Yin and Yang Slain by a demented cousin Night 10
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    Last edited by flat_footed; 2016-10-15 at 02:28 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee
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    Spoiler: Quotes
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    flat_footed, you saved London, you know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xihirli
    Yeah Flat_footed is such a killjoy. Let's take turns talking bad about him, he'll never read this.
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    Because standard signature space is too small...

    Games I currently play:
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    Heroes of the Storm
    Minecraft PE (mobile)
    LoL Wild Rift (mobile)
    Identity V (mobile)

    My Homebrew: Personal creations, mostly 3.5/PF but I may start doing 5e material. (Current as of April 3 2022.)

    Quotes to keep:
    "Ye are who ye are on all o' yer days. All o' em. Includin' that worst an' tha best. Ev'ry single one counts. All tha way ta tha end."
    Spoiler: On the intricacies of vortexing...
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    If I vortex me and ImperatorV[alpha] and I'm scried, I'll be seen as town, yes?
    Quote Originally Posted by Thematthew
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xirhili
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    Spoiler: Don't taunt the abomination.
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    Metaphorically speaking, yes. It won't die and stay dead, despite the number of deific interventions that have sought to kill the beast thus far...

    It could be quite the tale, but it is full of bad grammar and broken rules and doesn't belong here. I'd suggest letting it lie and paying it no mind when it resurfaces now and then.
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    I'm quite certain that my incantations wont raise it. Besides, Wish can kill the Tarrasque and it hasn't worked yet. So it's probably not a Tarrasque.
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    Maybe we should give someone a call to check that Rovagug didn't get out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goladar View Post
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    Care to recant that statement?

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    Spoiler: Werewolf Results
    Game Role Result
    Phantom of the Opera Werewolf IX: Digital Phantoms Carlotta Computer exploded Night 7
    Duck Season II: Firing Back Wolf Shot by a goose Day 4
    Forum Wars WW Moderator Ferreted out Night 4
    Brotherhood WW: Victorian Age Avatar of Yin and Yang Slain by a demented cousin Night 10
    Drowlbearwolf I: The Scimitar-Chuck Drow Claws to the throat Night 2
    Forum Wars II- The Users Strike Back Leet Hack0r Found Night 5

    Spoiler: Apotheosis Act I: Perdition of a Maledictive Eternity

    Spoiler: Kingdom of the exiles Group B

    Spoiler: Coda's Jade Regent

    Spoiler: Kingmaker - Order from Chaos
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    Iron Chef:
    Thief of Life: Duran Mublen, Vol's Apothecary (shared 1st place)
    One of my first build comp entries, and the first Iron Chef one I think. Kind of mediocre looking back, but decently original and with solid baseline stats.

    Twisted Lord: Handsome Malcolm (1st place)
    Combines feinting, intimidation, and full sneak attacks in a single turn through willful abuse of an obscure assassin spell.

    Elocater: Marg, Comet of Sharn (honorable mention)
    Build relies on a terrible reading of the rules that shouldn't work logically and probably not mechanically either.

    Cerebrex: Ilias Fessor (1st place)
    Skill-heavy assassin build that makes better use of Cerebrex than the average arcane caster. Uses a novel trick to bypass Glibness and can instakill people through walls. Lots of intelligence-based skills get love.
    Tri-Tongued Taylor (3rd place)
    Intelligence-based swashbuckling bluffmancer that abuses Wanderer's Diplomacy and Seduction, still decent in combat. Requires your DM to allow Chameleon casting to meet prerequisites. I misunderstood Able Learner so the skills need reworking and Open-Minded can be swapped out.

    Defiant: The Word (1st place)
    Vivacious is a build-in-a-can that mostly struggles against high-Fortitude casters. What better place to showcase Defiant, a class only useful against divine magic? Having to build around something that can't have its save DC boosted and doesn't need many actions allowed for some rather original building.

    Beast Heart Adept: Liam Greve (3rd place)
    Bardblade with marshall and half-elf paragon dips who enters beast heart adept to get some multiattacking bodies to buff with dragonfire inspiration.

    Shadowspy: Sam Sandshield (1st place)
    Mess of an asherati that combines fast-track divine casting with blindness-centric ninja tricks and what I like to call 'stealth tanking'.
    Jeremy Thicket (1st place)
    Grig cleric/shadowspy who eventually grabs 4th-level bard spells via mystic theurge. There's stealth, music, debuffs, and even a bit of urban tracking.

    Umbral Disciple: Gronk Tongle, the Dwarf Gecko (1st place)
    Chameleon template, Wild Dwarf, and Rogue 10 combine to deal 35 strength damage by licking someone from the shadows. A bit of a strained RAW argument argues it'd even work against undead, constructs, and objects.

    Vengeance Knight: Lo-Kag "Loosefoot" Gathakanathi (1st place)
    Paimon and heavy armor: the pair you thought you'd never see! Fluff section deemed "a rather entertaining story" in rave reviews.

    Syg the Brutally Honest (2nd place)
    Savant War Mind ft. my favorite bonus feat race (Synad).

    Demonologist: Darcy Covenant (1st place)
    Witchy gnome with some questionable spell synergies, artificial coven creation, and mass redcap sacrifice.
    The Great Horned Toad (shared 2nd place)
    Demonologist gets a lot of value out of low-level spells, so let's use it with a Dread Witch-based way to get infinite 2nd-level spells. Also featuring Insane Defiance and Arcane Disciple.

    Divine Agent: Navtej, Devav Asura (2nd place)
    Trying to make 2/year SLAs not useless thanks to the magic of Fiend of Blasphemy. Not a dretch. Should've been one.

    Cyre Scout: Can-Nan the Barbarian (1st place)
    A very martial take on a very bland ingredient, with Fist of the Forest's restrictive code being mitigated with what is otherwise a completely useless flavor feature. Boasts a few levels in Scorpion Wraith and a very unique kind of trapfinding as well.
    Luke Karlos (2nd place)
    A were-pterodactyl who whips up clouds of dust, darts in and out with a variety of self-made exotic weaponry, and has okay uses for most of Cyre Scout's weirder bits. Also probably the only time I'll ever use Shiba Protector.

    Villainous Competition:
    Psionics: Brightness, the Star that Sees (1st place)
    One of my favorite overall builds, even if the mechanical content is kind of simplistic. Uses Psionic Levitate + Energy Adaptation + Adapt Body to indefinitely survive in the vacuum of space, while manifesting powers with Remote Viewing.

    Gadgeteer: Jamiss 'Junkrat' d'Cannith (1st place)
    I haven't played a single game of overwatch in my life and won this only because nobody else submitted an entry. Launch Item is funny though.

    Madness: Amnesia (1st place)
    Hey kids you wanna buy some metabreath feat abuse and see my poor attempt at creative writing.

    Oozes: The Talariic Abomination (3rd place)
    Bag of rats but with a big sticky slimeball. Arguably grapples people in a way that bypasses FoM.

    Control: Steel, the Conscript Lord (3rd place)
    A devil who can permanently control people by swallowing them, with levels in tattooed monk and totemist for good measure.

    Final form: Vadim Ashguard (1st place)
    A conman turned cold-based blaster bard; a Trap Haunt Winterhaunt; an unkillable ghost bound not quite to a sword. Makes use of Disconcordant Malediction as a source of bonus damage, which isn't a trick I think I've ever seen before.
    Tzimtzum (2nd place)
    A House of Leaves tribute that builds an immensely-sized dungeon to imprison the PCs in, then acts as a sort of haunting presence throughout.

    Constructs: Remains Unseen (1st place)
    Gruesome Lurker shadowpouncer with some nice internal synergies and an obscure ACF for a prestige class.
    The Hemomorph (2nd place)
    Abusing a vaguely worded Alternate Form ability to access Epic-level monsters' powers and ultimately acquire near-omniscience.

    Junkyard Wars:
    9ths + Metamagic - Prepared Casting: Foehn Elf-Friend (shared 1st place)
    Permanently invisible + flying + telepathic sorcerer that can silently create giant invisible BFC areas of doom (which your allies are immune to). Sylph is a pretty cool race for a sorcerer.

    Rage + Casting - Rage Mage: Trox, Shaped by War (1st place)
    Barbarian/Cleric who enters Flux Adept to get Regeneration and uses Ordained Champion's swift divine power to keep BAB up while doing so. Ends up being immune to nearly all damage while raging, except sonic.
    Sana Bogle (3rd place)
    Geomancer/Blood Magus/Dread Witch who enters and leaves rage multiple times a turn to manipulate feats like Raging Luck and Intimidating Rage. Also casts 9ths.

    Smite + Mounted Combat - Paladin: Wet Horse Teeth (1st place)
    A slasher villain homage using Dragonmark Smite to force save-or-loses, while using Mounted Fury to grant his mount all the usual rage bonuses (plus teeth and claws). Battlerager and Heir of Siberys show up as well!
    Wan'clas Nodibbs (last place)
    As the name implies, a single-classed build that has a good reason being one. Halfling with some cool tricks, like using an elephant as a moveable battle jump platform, combining Good Karma with Mounted Combat to negate hits to allies using your Ride, and improving Moonblade's effect with smites. Mostly sent in for the single-classed gimmick though.

    Natural Weapons + Spellcasting - Druid: The Lonely Fir (2nd place)
    Pious templar impure prince casting corrupt spells at range with some creative readings of RAW. Also we're a plant for slightly better reasons than just rapidstrike abuse.
    A. Jade (3rd place)

    Beguiler JPM softening up people's Will saves with the jaebrin's sapping bite. Not as original as I could've made it - still a fun use of a rarely-seen race.

    Healing + Serenity - Paladin: Sulphurclaw, Who Dreams Prophecies (Exhibition Entry)
    Using the obscure Greenspawn Zealot to make a very unique sort of healer - an excellent NPC, in my opinion.

    Breath Weapons + SLAs - Dragonfire Adept: Epilogue (Exhibition Entry)
    A Faerie Dragon Risen Martyr with a heap of SLAs, spamming a save-or-daze breath that affects near everything and disrupting enemy formations like there's no tomorrow.

    Iron Chef E6:
    Knight: Sir Svarak Steelskin (2nd place)
    I saw Knight and decided to do something stupid.

    Light/Darkness: The Little Match Girl (1st place)
    Duskblade/Monk/Cancer Mage that spams Hypnotic Pattern then robs people blind.

    Movement: Hum Ingbird (2nd place)
    Kobold that hits a fly speed of 100 while charging, allowing for insane Diving Charge bonus damage in a very unconventional way. Also pulls some shenanigans with Flyby Attack but that's a bit poorly-written.

    Plants: Ukko, the One Grown Upon (1st place)
    Dealing 3d6 damage in an AoE, once per round, no save, no attack roll, no action required, with what is legally a plant. Also a backstory that comes down to 'chosen by the gods to be the svalbard seed vault'.

    Illusions: Mehndi Toner (1st place)
    Dragonmark + Action Point + Draconic Prophecizer shenanigans to cast ten Shadow Conjurations a day, plus diplomacy. Also did you know half-elves can arguably take the mark of shadow?
    Funhouse California (2nd place)
    Standard crusader tanking, now with Trickery Devotion. Locking foes down is nice enough already, but what if you could then trick them into hitting your illusory double instead of you?

    Odd Weapons: Master Lin (1st place)
    Uses the most obscure variant class I've ever seen to grab Kusari-Gama proficiency, then delivers a very cool build that can grapple you from 20 ft. away and pull itself towards you spiderman style... while still being able to full attack afterwards. Good crowd control, good single-target lockdown, solid damage, solid utility.

    (I additionally submitted the 4th place finisher for this round, which I think is pretty cool also)

    Minion Creation: Adro, the Lamplighter (1st place)
    Create Lantern Archon has multiple clauses that try and prevent you from assembling an army of floating artillery; we subvert all of them and deliver a VoP diplomancer with some hefty backup.

    Shapeshifting: Ray Ruin (1st place)
    What if we shapeshifted our spells, which we're only able to do by having at-will change shape at 0 level cost.

    Yettindi H. Fett (3rd place)
    Take someone's shape and imperceptibly exchange places with them: a very funny strategy that we foolproof against most ways to pierce it. Featuring some story I think is kinda funny.

    Monster Mash:
    Sneak Attack: Shogosu (2nd place)
    I noticed Past Life was a valid way of getting sneak attack and quickly realized the most ridiculous thing to put it on.

    Quadrupeds: Experiment MHI-Taolt (shared 1st place)
    Exploits the wording of the mindshredder zenthal's natural weapons to make 10 wisdom-draining touch attacks a round. Also Thrall of Demogorgon.
    Ten Thousand Souls To Save But One (3rd place)
    And speaking of 'exploiting wording' here is me picking the funniest animal that counts as 'quadruped' according to the contest rules and proceeding not to do anything too interesting with it.

    Snow and ice: Ysbrand (3rd place)
    A very particular build that couldn't work with anything but ice mephit, martial minionmancy is pretty funky as a concept.

    Miracles: Things Lost, Things Gained (1st place)
    Ex-nymph splinterwaif, blighter with regular wildshape, mother of minionmanced monsters - and provider for a city of millions, thanks to the fish-conjurer that is Evil Weather.

    Zinc Saucier:
    True Dragons: Mad Bat Dead (1st place)
    Shade Nycter Siren: what could be closer to a shadow dragon? Nothing says hit-and-run like blasting away with a cone of nastiness, teleporting out, and healing back up to full - the solution to non-HP attacks is nothing if not creative.

    Urolk Sandstone (2nd place)
    A much more conventionally draconic build, using dragonlance's criminally underused baaz draconian and throwing in KotW and JPM. A bit standard in retrospect, I suppose.

    Brood Spawn: Albida (1st place)
    Using an obscure devil and some little-known rules to get Mark of Stygia on a build which then spreads ice to augment some natural weapon flurrypouncing strats.

    Factotum: The Golden Hippopotamus (1st place)
    Creative reading of Fire Shuriken, double-duty Dragonfire Strike, and devotion to Tem-Et-Nu combine to put a new spin on the 'throwing halfling' archetype.

    Vesnica Pomenire (2nd place)
    An Eternal Blade (and thus +20 BAB) build that weaves in a bunch of Eberron elf lore and makes a better-than-usual argument for adapting Ruby Knight Vindicator.

    Iron Chef CXXI (Dragon Disciple)
    Iron Chef CXXVI (Ballisteer)
    Monster Mash VI (Mysterious Monster Magic)
    Monster Mash VIII (Half-Templates)
    Monster Mash IX (The Sun)
    Monster Mash XI (Curses)
    Villainous Competition XLVIII (Zealots)
    Villainous Competition L (Lovers)
    Iron Chef E6 XL (Poisons)
    Iron Chef E6 XLVII (Enchantments)
    Last edited by Inevitability; 2024-06-05 at 03:15 PM.
    Creator of the LA-assignment thread.

    Join the new Junkyard Wars round and build with Cloaked Dancer and a companion creature!

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    Bugbear in the Playground
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    This spot is saved

    5e game i am in
    Knights of Talvor [recruit/IC/OOC]

    Last edited by D&DPrinceTandem; 2018-09-28 at 04:41 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Flappeercraft

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    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rules are for Jerks: A Chaotic Good Alignment Handbook View Post
    A fair number of people don’t quite grok Chaotic Good, since the idea of thinking for yourself while being a good person is apparently confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by linklele
    Look, a strange boy just popped into my room asking for your soul...
    Avatar by linklele, featuring a strange boy. Full signature is here.

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    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure, Welcome to MY EXTENDED SIGNATURE!.

    <<Cynthia the Witch by me. she's a nice gal, I promise!

    My player Resume, for potential DMs to read over.

    My Settings:

    Blue☽ Moon ~ Anything is possible (who am I kidding it's not coming back here)


    this was pretty much my tippyverse. Lessons learned. OOC.

    Homebrew that I made or took part of:
    Warlock Patron: the Catalyst
    D&D 5th Edition Binder Class - a collaborative effort
    And Scarce's Vestige Codex

    Spoiler: previous avatars
    *coming soon as I find them! *
    Last edited by Prince Zahn; 2017-03-16 at 07:43 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Jette View Post
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    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure.
    <<Cynthia the Witch by me. she's a nice gal, I promise!

    My player Resume, for potential DMs to read over.

    My Extended Signature

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    Spoiler: For the Want of a Sandwich
    Quote Originally Posted by Ieagleroar View Post
    I am open to accepting bribes... I'm thinking $1,000,000 will definitely improve your chances
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    Well if we are factoring for the worth of money 100 years after a disease destroyed society I think a million dollars should be enough to buy a sandwich. I can make you a sandwich!!
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    The sandwich I make will have extra pickles on it! That should be like $1,200,000.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mechagaston View Post
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    Alas, my slices of bread do not contain even one ounce of bacon between them... BECAUSE MY BREAD IS MADE OF BACON!!! Submit to the higher power that is bacon-bread!

    Don't tell my AA group...

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    Bugbear in the Playground

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    EdinoiZ's Extended Signature
    And also the final resting place of characters of games long past.

    Spoiler: In Memoriam All of my Characters here
    Chotan Tosho - ffd20 A Crystal Path | IC | OOC | He spoke in dodger blue #1E90FF

    Ylva Völundsdottir - 3.5 Mythos: Living Fortress | IC | OOC | She spoke in darkish blue #0066CC

    Kol 2.0 - A Game of Death | IC | OOC | He spoke in cadet blue #5F9EA0

    Meryl Aben, the Cheerful Sting - Alfuo, City of the Tyrant | IC | OOC | She spoke in dark slate blue #483D8B

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