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  1. - Top - End - #301
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Alright, tweaks to the Thorn class are finished, including a few minor ones.

    Additionally, Hyudra, I left some comments on the Troll class on the last page (here) and just wanted to make sure tehy weren't missed as I didn't see a response to them.
    Homebrew Monster Classes:
    Arcadian Avenger|Thorn|Marrash|Justice Archon

  2. - Top - End - #302
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Basilisk Changes, February 03, 2011:
    • Tail smash damage lowered by 1d8, but it now just ignores hardness (changed from 'always does at least minimum damage on a successful hit, regardless of hardness').
    • Added the Abyssal subspecies, giving the Basilisk a bit of Int or Cha, and the ability to speak Infernal or Abyssal
    • Granite Gaze dazes now (used to stun)
    • Breaking Lithic Stare's effect now requires a full round action.
    • A couple of wording changes that don't affect mechanics.
    • Fixed BAB/Save progression for 5th level

    Troll Changes, Feb 03, 2011:
    • Gnaw bite & bonus damage now penetrate DR.
    • Excision bonus to saves is halved.
    • Tumescent recovery is clarified. Added a table elaborating on the healing amount.

    Minotaur Changes, Feb 03, 2011:
    • Adjusted Shake Off, removing the double damage for creatures sharing a space with the Minotaur, but adding a clarification on what happens to those grappling with the Minotaur (they are thrown off).
    • Some wording changes in Natural Cunning, for clarity.
    • Clarification that allies get some of the additional benefits for Triumphant Bellow.
    • Clarification of wording under Stampede.

    I did see your recommendations, Zemro. Thank you.

    Edit: Basilisk has been added to the list with Gorgondantess' consent.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 11:34 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #303
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    Ok, so dividing up the monsters on the unfinished list:

    Almost Dones
    • Gibbering Mouther.
    • Swarmshifter


    Needs Critiques or Needs Work
    • Dwarf Ancestor
    • Jovoc
    • Pandorym
    • Gargoyle
    • Remorhaz
    • Ragewalker
    • Grey Jester (Note: last updated 1-03-11)
    • Flesh Golem (Note: last updated 1-03-11)
    • Quasi-God
    • Cloaker
    • Bleakborn
    • Demon, Solamith
    • Thorn
    • Lodestone Marauder
    • Troll
    • Storm Giant
    • Skeroloth
    • Ettercap
    • Black Dragon
    • Razor Boar
    • Vivisector
    • Locathah
    • Hellfire Wyrm
    • Minotaur
    • Nightwalker


    Abandoned
    • Were Scorpion (Last updated 12-09-10)
    • Maug (Last updated 12-10-10)
    • Death Knight (Last updated 12-10-10)
    • Grell (Last updated 12-12-10)
    • Yellow Musk Creeper (Last updated 12-13-10)
    • Living Spell (Last updated 12-14-10)
    • Animated Object (Last updated 12-16-10)
    • Demi Lich (Last updated 12-17-10)
    • Wendigo (Last updated 12-21-10)
    • Briarvex (Last updated 12-22-10)
    • Half Elemental (Last updated 12-22-10)
    • Umber Hulk (Voluntarily abandoned)


    Special Cases
    • Half Golem (Huge, incredibly complex monster that can't be reviewed in 3 sittings, let alone 1.)


    Any objections if I move abandoned creatures to a separate list/table, for reference? They're not worth reviewing, given that their posters have gone AWOL or given up on them.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 08:20 PM.

  4. - Top - End - #304
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Illurien needs to be added to the abandoned list and the Hellfire Wyrm should probably be added to the needs critiqued or needs work list
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  5. - Top - End - #305
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    I don't see anything wrong with moving the abandoned monsters to their own table. However, if you are going to be messing with the tables, would you consider either updating the 'suggestions' section, or just getting rid of it all together? It just seems to be taking up space and/or being confusing, if posters without much time are just checking there to see if anyone has reviewed their monster.

    Also, quick thoughts on some monsters!
    Gibbering Mouther:
    1) In the Gibbering body section, it might be nice to change "and gain another every 4 HD", to "gains an extra bite attack every 4HD". Or something along those lines, just for clarity's sake.
    2) Not really important, but you may want to toss in a word with Blood Drain that tells us whether the target is counted as grappled or not.
    3) The whole Gibbering thing gets a little interesting past 15th and 20th levels. I know I'm not much for high level gaming, but after it ceases to become mind-affecting, what could give immunity to the Confusion? Since, at 20th level, you don't get a save? Perhaps immunity to Enchantment/Compulsion? Or is it a Sonic effect, that can be blocked by cutting out the sound, or not having ears? Since it automatically affects things, does that mean it bypasses spell resistance too? Just things you might want to consider.
    4) Under Ground Manipulation, what does this mean: "This lasts for 1/2HD rounds and the effect continues on the affected creatures if they escape this terrain for 3 rounds."?
    5) You've got a misspelled except(exept) in the Engulf Ability.
    Otherwise, it looks great! And most of the things I'm bringing up are just clarifications for idiots like me that may not actually need to be typed in.

    Thorn:
    1) Piercing strikes seems really powerful, but that works out okay, I think. I like the flavor, and it gives a decent incentive to both ranged and melee attacks.
    2) I'm a little curious as to whether Weapon of Barbs works with weapons that were already magical. So, say you already have a +1 weapon. Would activating Weapon of Barbs make it a +2 weapon with a +1 equivalent ability? And what about at higher levels, where you already have a +4 brilliant energy weapon, and you are tossing on +5 vorpal? Can the enhancement bonus of a weapon go above +5 with this ability?
    Really, though, I found very little to say about this class. It is awesome, and I will be looking for somewhere to play it as soon as I can.
    "The more I talk, the stupider I sound." ~Me
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    I'd categorize my bleakborn as almost done. I think the class is pretty much done at the moment, unless anyone has critique for it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms.Malbolge View Post
    Listen to the Crafy one. He speaks the truth, except when he doesn't which may still be the truth hidden behind a veil of crafty craftiness.

    Or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Any objections if I move abandoned creatures to a separate list/table, for reference? They're not worth reviewing, given that their posters have gone AWOL or given up on them.
    None at all, I think it's a pretty good idea in fact.

    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    Thorn:
    1) Piercing strikes seems really powerful, but that works out okay, I think. I like the flavor, and it gives a decent incentive to both ranged and melee attacks.
    I may have tweaked it too much, but I figured it'd be alright-ish. Essentially they both make it easier for the Thorn to deal with creatures, one by debuffing the opponent, the other by cutting through buffs.

    Hopefully it's more appealing, and give a better platform for refining.

    Quote Originally Posted by bladesmith View Post
    2) I'm a little curious as to whether Weapon of Barbs works with weapons that were already magical. So, say you already have a +1 weapon. Would activating Weapon of Barbs make it a +2 weapon with a +1 equivalent ability? And what about at higher levels, where you already have a +4 brilliant energy weapon, and you are tossing on +5 vorpal? Can the enhancement bonus of a weapon go above +5 with this ability?
    Really, though, I found very little to say about this class. It is awesome, and I will be looking for somewhere to play it as soon as I can.
    My initial thought is that it would overlap, so if a Thorn got his hands on a +4 longsword at 8HD, He'd be making it a +4 Keen Merciful longsword while the ability was active.

    It's a very good question though, and I thought I had specified/clarified that interaction somewhere, so I should look into doing that. I'm not really sure, exactly, the best (fairest) way for that to work out, so some input would be appreciated.
    Homebrew Monster Classes:
    Arcadian Avenger|Thorn|Marrash|Justice Archon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zemro Shivic View Post
    My initial thought is that it would overlap, so if a Thorn got his hands on a +4 longsword at 8HD, He'd be making it a +4 Keen Merciful longsword while the ability was active.

    It's a very good question though, and I thought I had specified/clarified that interaction somewhere, so I should look into doing that. I'm not really sure, exactly, the best (fairest) way for that to work out, so some input would be appreciated.
    That sounds like a good idea. Take the higher of the enhancement bonuses, but let the extra abilities stack. You know, unless its the same extra abilities, in which case it would be kinda silly if they stacked. Like if you just picked up a Keen weapon, and their Weapon of Barbs ability already made it Keen. In which case, they could just change it the next time they leveled.

    I could see a really mean GM just changing the availability of weapons, just to screw with that character.
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    Jester hasn't been updated because no one reviewed the changes I made after the first couplee reviews.
    Well, that and I'm currently under a massive workload trying to finish a programming project. But, with luck, I'll finally be done with it tonight, and will have no assignments til Monday.

  10. - Top - End - #310
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    I'm aware of that fact, Antigamer, which is why I included it on the 'needs critiques' list, as opposed to the abandoned list. I just included the reminder because it has been a while, and I wanted to be able to keep track if we did get around to critiquing & there were no updates following.

    @Crafty, I think as a matter of general policy, I'll avoid letting people deem if their own work goes on the 'almost done' list, given that we don't have that objectivity with our own creations. In the spirit of such, I've kept my own work off that list.

    IIRC, the Bleakborn was chosen as the first (and last?) 'Featured monster' in the last thread, with the idea that we'd all chip in and critique one monster at a time. It was a bad choice, though, as you weren't posting at the time, and thus were unable to take such critiques into account. I recall that there was a fair bit of info offered at the time, though. It may be worth your while to dig through the latter half of the fifth thread to find where that whole discussion came about.

    I'll update the lists with creatures posted after the Troll & Lodestone Marauder, after, then edit the separate lists into the front page later, along with some general tidying up of unclear stuff - the badly outdated requested monsters list & I'm thinking I'll post & link to a newer, more accurate template for monster classes.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 06:26 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #311
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    Updated the jovoc again, none of the ablitites were even based on manuevers to start with.

    Retributive aura now has no save, but does not affect creatues whose fort save bonuses arer greater than 1/2HD+con bonus. Its damage is equal to that taken with a maximum of 1/2 HD damage at 5HD, HD at 10HD and 2xHD at 18HD. The jovoc may not exclude the creature who dealt the damge and is immune to the aura. In addition the damage dealt is Vile.
    I am also thinking about making it an immediate action useable 1/encounter to activate and have it last for 1/2 con score rounds, but that feels too ToB, your thoughts?

  12. - Top - End - #312
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    I've updated the Unfinished Monster list, and the abandoned/updated monster lists in the bullet points above. I'll wait for further responses before I get around to sorting out the lists on the front page.

    Replying to the responses to Nightwalker:
    Quote Originally Posted by Megawizard View Post
    Undeads seem to always have weak Bab around here, but the Nightwalker is partially a melee fighter (disarm people and break their stuff), so I gave it some Str to help.

    Plus the original monster has Str as it's highest stat.
    Yes, but the end result of your efforts is a creature with sorta high strength that's nigh on unable to do anything effective with it. You won't be able to hit enemies with that BAB, even with the Str bonus.

    It's a melee monster whitout much on the ranged deparment. It needs that speed.
    It's not much of a melee monster with crummy BAB and staggered strength bonuses

    Well, I don't think it hurts.
    There's clarification, which is good, and there's redundancy, which just clutters and bogs things down.

    Again, how? Dungeons are dark, and it's not exactly crippling for the party to move at night and rest by day.
    Adventures aren't limited to dungeons. Just as an example, my last six campaigns involved only one dungeon, and even that had a pivotal battle occur outside (on the outside ledge of a mine-riddled mountain).

    Giving a creature a notable drawback that forces the rest of the party to cater to it is bad design. It's why people groan about the Paladin & the Code of Conduct.

    Add a way for the Nightwalker to wear a cloak to shield itself from the worst of the sun to reduce the drawbacks, perhaps, as exists for Drow.

    You did notice the Nightwalker gets Improved Disarm and Improved Sunder at 1st level right? The chilling blow is for oponents which you cannot normally disarm/sunder.
    Improved Disarm and Improved Sunder aren't much sought after to begin with, and you don't have the BAB to make reliable use of them.

    Reduced to 1d3 rounds paralyzis. Also it's suposed to be a gaze attack (clarified that), and standard-action gaze has precedent on the original vampire template
    The original vampire, while taking a novel approach (one of the monsters I like of Oslecamo's), still had the same issues that many of Oslecamo's monsters did. I wouldn't use it as a standard for balance.

    Also it only becomes a free action at 16th level (casters are pretty crazy by now), and 1d3 rounds paralyzis isn't exactly auto-lose either, specially because whetever you make or lose the save you can't be affected by it again for 24 hours.
    1d3 rounds of paralysis is liable to lose you the battle. If you don't get coup de graced, you're still losing enough actions for the battle to go very much against you.

    Hmm, Contagion has instant incubation, so it works as a way of dealing ability damage. Added a clause to allow it to bypass disease immunity.
    True about the first part. The second may be a bit much at an early level.

    It's suposed to be a semi-permanent ability. It's not suposed to be easy to get rid off.
    If it can be resumed less than a round after removal as a free action, it's not worth even describing how it can be dispelled.

    Yes. Total eclipse!
    I dunno. I see this irritating the campaign world residents enough that they launch a crusade against you.

    Well, both aspects were buffed. More summons, combat bonus while inside darkness, making oponents blinded with your punches, turning oponent's gear in money right on the spot, greater bonus during eclipse, how is it now?
    Only responding to your own reply. Stressing that I haven't glanced at the Nightwalker post-revision.

    Also, please list changes in a Changelog at the end of the monster entry. It makes it a heck of a lot easier and faster to review the monster, than reviewing it top to bottom each time you make alterations.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 08:46 PM.

  13. - Top - End - #313
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Yes, but the end result of your efforts is a creature with sorta high strength that's nigh on unable to do anything effective with it. You won't be able to hit enemies with that BAB, even with the Str bonus.
    Well... the rule was to have 1/2 BAB for all undead monsters. While I don't think it's that important myself (for example, I advocated full BAB for the death knight), he's not exactly unjustified in doing so.

    Adventures aren't limited to dungeons. Just as an example, my last six campaigns involved only one dungeon, and even that had a pivotal battle occur outside (on the outside ledge of a mine-riddled mountain).
    Amen. I hate it when people say "Oh, it all takes place in dungeons!" Dungeon crawls are my least favorite part of D&D.
    The purpose of this project is to make monsters playable. I say scrap the daylight penalty entirely and just give something like weakness to spells like daylight, and considered weak against spells like sunburst.

    Improved Disarm and Improved Sunder aren't much sought after to begin with, and you don't have the BAB to make reliable use of them.
    Also, granting bonus feats is just bad form, period. The reasoning for this is similar to arbitrarily granting casting, but even moreso- rather than giving them unique abilities, you're falling back on something that is easily obtainable regardless of class. If you want it to be a sunder/disarmer, do something like "On a successful attack the Nightwalker may make a free disarm attempt", or something like that. Well, better than that.

    1d3 rounds of paralysis is liable to lose you the battle. If you don't get coup de graced, you're still losing enough actions for the battle to go very much against you.
    Eh, I'd say at 16th level it's not that bad.
    Last edited by Gorgondantess; 2011-02-04 at 08:52 PM.
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  14. - Top - End - #314
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Yes, but the end result of your efforts is a creature with sorta high strength that's nigh on unable to do anything effective with it. You won't be able to hit enemies with that BAB, even with the Str bonus.
    But it doesn't only get the Str bonus. It gets the bonus for being in shaddow and eventually the desecrate aura and

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    It's not much of a melee monster with crummy BAB and staggered strength bonuses
    Would +1 Str per level be ok then?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    There's clarification, which is good, and there's redundancy, which just clutters and bogs things down.

    Adventures aren't limited to dungeons. Just as an example, my last six campaigns involved only one dungeon, and even that had a pivotal battle occur outside (on the outside ledge of a mine-riddled mountain).

    Giving a creature a notable drawback that forces the rest of the party to cater to it is bad design. It's why people groan about the Paladin & the Code of Conduct.

    Add a way for the Nightwalker to wear a cloak to shield itself from the worst of the sun to reduce the drawbacks,
    Ok.

    perhaps, as exists for Drow.
    [/QUOTE]
    Wait, drows can do that? Where?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Improved Disarm and Improved Sunder aren't much sought after to begin with, and you don't have the BAB to make reliable use of them.
    At first level it doesn't make that much diference, and as the Nightwalker grows it gets several de-buffs to make sure his oponent will be disarmed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    The original vampire, while taking a novel approach (one of the monsters I like of Oslecamo's), still had the same issues that many of Oslecamo's monsters did. I wouldn't use it as a standard for balance.
    I was talking about the MM vampire. It has a standard action gaze attack.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    1d3 rounds of paralysis is liable to lose you the battle. If you don't get coup de graced, you're still losing enough actions for the battle to go very much against you.
    Ok, so how about 1 round?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    True about the first part. The second may be a bit much at an early level.
    Make it trigger it at higher levels, check.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    If it can be resumed less than a round after removal as a free action, it's not worth even describing how it can be dispelled.
    Ok. Probably better that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    I dunno. I see this irritating the campaign world residents enough that they launch a crusade against you.
    How will they know it was the Nightwalker doing it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Also, please list changes in a Changelog at the end of the monster entry. It makes it a heck of a lot easier and faster to review the monster, than reviewing it top to bottom each time you make alterations.
    Will do for this ones, can't remember all the changes I did on the last time tough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gorgondantess View Post
    Well... the rule was to have 1/2 BAB for all undead monsters. While I don't think it's that important myself (for example, I advocated full BAB for the death knight), he's not exactly unjustified in doing so.
    Fair enough... but if it's to be a melee monster, it needs something else to compensate for the fact that it can't hit anything.

    Eh, I'd say at 16th level it's not that bad.
    That's fair, I suppose. Keep in mind, I was just reviewing from memory. I just didn't think it'd be fair to do what amounted to a second critique so soon after the last, when others have been patiently waiting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Megawizard View Post
    But it doesn't only get the Str bonus. It gets the bonus for being in shaddow and eventually the desecrate aura and
    Maybe that'll make up for it, but at low levels, just going by what I saw before the revisions.

    How will they know it was the Nightwalker doing it?
    If something as large scale as the sun going out, across the Prime Material, were to occur with any regularity, I'm sure the gods would have something to say. The Church of pelor, in particular, would kind of complain about it.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 09:08 PM.

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Megawizard View Post
    Wait, drows can do that? Where?
    Several feats in their book.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    @Crafty, I think as a matter of general policy, I'll avoid letting people deem if their own work goes on the 'almost done' list, given that we don't have that objectivity with our own creations. In the spirit of such, I've kept my own work off that list.

    IIRC, the Bleakborn was chosen as the first (and last?) 'Featured monster' in the last thread, with the idea that we'd all chip in and critique one monster at a time. It was a bad choice, though, as you weren't posting at the time, and thus were unable to take such critiques into account. I recall that there was a fair bit of info offered at the time, though. It may be worth your while to dig through the latter half of the fifth thread to find where that whole discussion came about.
    I understand that I may be biased about my own monster, but as I have no complaints or critique for the monster, I am not sure what I can do. The only change currently under consideration is changing the Frost nova Ability from 1/day per 4HD to having a cooldown time during which its heat draining aura ceases to function. If there are no problems or suggetsions on how to improve, then I'd like to let the class be declared completed so I can get to work on other matters, like redoing my werebear and werewolf.

    I hope I don't come off as disrespectful, but I'd like to get this finished, and all I can do at the moment is wait around.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms.Malbolge View Post
    Listen to the Crafy one. He speaks the truth, except when he doesn't which may still be the truth hidden behind a veil of crafty craftiness.

    Or something.

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Just to clarify, Crafty, did you find & make use of the critiques I mentioned, that came up when the Bleakborn was the Featured Monster in Thread 5?

    A few that came up with a search:


    And if you feel you've gone as far as you can, don't be shy about contributing a new monster. Starting a new monster when old ones aren't finished isn't a problem, provided you're on the ball and that you're not neglecting other unfinished monsters in the doing. You're one of the better creators, so I wouldn't have complaints if you were to contribute another monster.

    That said, I do recall we kind of had another thread being made, devoted to the therianthropes, because there were far, far too many of them at one point.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 09:41 PM.

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post

    That said, I do recall we kind of had another thread being made, devoted to the therianthropes, because there were far, far too many of them at one point.
    Yeah. Then it sort of died after 30 or so posts.
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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Just to clarify, Crafty, did you find & make use of the critiques I mentioned, that came up when the Bleakborn was the Featured Monster in Thread 5?

    A few that came up with a search:


    And if you feel you've gone as far as you can, don't be shy about contributing a new monster. Starting a new monster when old ones aren't finished isn't a problem, provided you're on the ball and that you're not neglecting other unfinished monsters in the doing. You're one of the better creators, so I wouldn't have complaints if you were to contribute another monster.

    That said, I do recall we kind of had another thread being made, devoted to the therianthropes, because there were far, far too many of them at one point.
    I'd already responded to Magicyop's advice, and Zevro's allowed me to fix a mistake I'd made.

    I'll deal with the werewolf and werebear once someone directs me to the new thread.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ms.Malbolge View Post
    Listen to the Crafy one. He speaks the truth, except when he doesn't which may still be the truth hidden behind a veil of crafty craftiness.

    Or something.

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    Go ahead and put the Ragewalker on the abandoned list. Moving soon, not gonna have a lot of time to work on things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    If something as large scale as the sun going out, across the Prime Material, were to occur with any regularity, I'm sure the gods would have something to say. The Church of pelor, in particular, would kind of complain about it.
    All the gods of darness and undeath would probably cover up your tracks however.

    Anyway "The gods gank on you" it's kinda DM fiat don't you think?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megawizard View Post
    All the gods of darness and undeath would probably cover up your tracks however.

    Anyway "The gods gank on you" it's kinda DM fiat don't you think?
    You're putting out the sun, casting the whole Prime Material into chaos on a regular basis... if the God of the Sun launches a crusade, led by its greatest servants and champions, to put you down, that's not DM fiat. That's a plausible campaign setting. The thing about gods of darkness and undeath is that they're evil, and that doesn't guarantee they're going to help you out, unless you're in their service, and even then you're probably outnumbered in terms of enemies over allies.

    The campaign is liable to derail the moment you get Eclipse, or you just break all suspension of disbelief. Sorry, I just find it rather hard to buy.
    Last edited by Hyudra; 2011-02-04 at 10:28 PM.

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    Marrash (MMII Pg 145)



    Class
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    Hit Die: d10

    Skill Points at 1st Level: (4 + Int Mod) x4
    Skill Points at each additional Level: 4 + Int modifier

    Class Skills: Craft (Int), Balance (Dex), Heal (Wis), Jump (Str), Listen (Wis), Search (Int), Spot (Wis), Survival (Wis), Tumble (Dex)

    {table=head]Level|BAB|Fort|Ref|Will|Abilities|Ability Boosts

    1st|+1|+2|+2|+0|Marrash Body, Glide, Disease Carrier|+1 Dex
    2nd|+2|+3|+3|+0|Draw Disease, Outbreak, Disease Sense|+1 Con
    3rd|+3|+3|+3|+1|Intensify Infection, Disease Healing, Archer's Presence|
    4th|+4|+4|+4|+1|Afflictive Ammunition|+1 Dex
    5th|+5|+4|+4|+1|Double Bowfire, Taklif Curse, Flight|+1 Con[/table]

    Proficiencies: Marrashi are proficient with their natural weapons and all types of bows, except for crossbows. They are also proficient with light armour.

    Marrash Body: A Marrash (plural Marrashi) looses all other racial characteristics and becomes a creature of the Outsider type with the following traits:
    • Medium Size
    • Base Land Speed: 30ft
    • Darkvision 60ft
    • Natural Armour Bonus equal to its Con mod
    • Immunity to all diseases, including supernatural and magical ones.
    • Two Primary Claw attacks dealing 1d6+Str Mod each
    • While in the air (or otherwise not walking with them) a Marrash also gains two secondary talon attacks, dealing 1d4+1/2 Str Mod each.


    Glide (Ex): While it posses wings, they are not yet strong enough to bear the Marrash aloft. They, can, however use them for extra lift while jumping giving them a +10 racial bonus on jump checks.

    Additionally, Marrashi can use their wings to glide through the air, negating the damage from a fall. While gliding they have an effective fly speed of 30ft with average maneuverability and drop 5ft for every 15ft traveled. Even if a Marrash's maneuverability improves it cannot hover while gliding, always dropping at least 5ft per round. It also cannot glide while carrying a medium or heavy load.

    If the Marrash becomes unconscious or helpless while in the air its wings will naturally unfurl and stiffen themselves. This causes the Marrash to descend in a tight corkscrew, slowing its decent and reducing falling damage to 1d6 no matter the height.

    Ability Boosts: Marrashi receive a +1 bonus to Dexterity at 1st and 4th level, and a +1 to Constitution at 2nd and 5th for a total of +2 Dex and +2 Con at 5th.

    Disease Carrier (Ex): Generations of working with disease have left even the lowliest of the Marrashi the ability to cripple opponents with disease. Whenever a Marrash deals damage to a creature with its natural weapons the target must immediately make a fortitude save (DC= 10 + 1/2 HD + Con Mod) or contract Marrashi Fever. Creatures who damage a Marrash with their down natural weapons must also make a save against Marrash Fever. Creatures already suffering from Marrashi Fever instead take a -2 penalty to their next save, as they cannot contract the disease twice.

    Marrashi Fever is a disease with no incubation period that deals 1d3 points of Dex damage immediately upon a failed save. Infected creatures must make another save at the beginning of each turn or take an additional two points of Dex damage. Success on the save means they've beaten the disease and need make no further save unless reinfected.

    Creatures that ingest the Marrash (such as with the swallow whole ability) are not directly exposed until the Marrash is damaged, but are sickened for as long as it remains inside. Creatures immune to being sickened still take a -2 penalty on saves from contracting a Marrash's disease while its inside. Marrash are not otherwise infectious, and do not transmit disease through simple contact.

    As they advance in HD the potency of the disease they carry increases. At 5HD the initial damage of Marrash Fever increase to 1d3 points of Dex and Con damage, and the reoccurring damage changes to 2 point of Dex and Con damage. For every 5 additional HD the die of the initial damage increases by one step, and the reoccurring damage increases by 1.

    Draw Disease (Ex): Marrash of second level have mastered a trick by which to draw other diseases into their body and become carrier for them as they do with Marrashi Fever. Whenever a Marrash would be exposed to a disease (or simply makes contact with a diseased creature) he may choose to make a saving throw against the disease's DC anyway, despite their immunity to disease. If they fail this saving throw they do not contract the disease but are instead sicked for 1d4 rounds, if the failure was by 5 or more they are nauseated for the same duration instead. A Marrash who posses immunity to being sickened or nauseated does not benefit from that immunity in this case, but instead receives a +2 bonus on the saving throw.

    If successful the Marrash traps a number of strains of the disease equal to half of his total result. The Marrash only traps the extraordinary effects of the disease, not the supernatural effects of diseases such as Mummy Rot. It is in no danger from the trapped disease, and may hold a total number of diseases equal to half its Con Modifier. Multiple instances of the same disease stack to a maximum amount of strains equal to twice his Con Mod, increasing to triple his Con Mod at 15HD. If a remove disease spell is cast upon the Marrash he is entitled to a saving throw with a +1 bonus for each carried disease beyond the first. If successful the Marrash retains all his diseases and the caster must immediately make a saving throw against Marrashi Fever and one carried disease at random. If the Marrash fails his saving throw he loses a number of disease strains equal to the caster level of the spell and may not transmit disease for 1d4 rounds.

    If the Marrash attempts to absorb a disease when already carrying his maximum he has two options. The first is to make a saving throw as normal, but on a success the Marrash receives only half the strains he normally would (1/4 his result). However these strains can divided amongst his carried disease to his choosing. Alternatively he chooses one of his already carried diseases, divides it's strains in half and distributes these amongst the other diseases instead. If none of his diseases can carry more strains, the extra strains are lost, his body's immune system simply destroying them.

    Temporary boosts to a Marrash's constitution (such as a Barbarian's rage, or Wizard's Bear's Endurance spell) do not allow a Marrash to trap more diseases or hold more strains than he normally could. Magical items such as an Amulet of Health do increase this limit, but only after worn for 24 hours. If the Marrash suffers a decrease to constitution (such as ability drain, ability damage, or entering an antimagic field when benefiting from an Amulet of Health) he immediately divides its strains in half and distributes them as if making room for another disease.

    Outbreak (Ex): With the ability to draw diseases into their body, a Marrash can accumulate a number of different diseases. Second level Marrashi thus also develop an ability to use those diseases. Whenever he would force an opponent to make a save against with his Disease Carrier ability he can reduce the number of strains of a carried disease by one and replace Marrash Fever with that disease. Diseases contracted in this way are considered to have passed their incubation period, and thus failure of the initial save deals the diseases damage and then follows the rules for disease as normal.

    The potency of these diseases are also effected by the Marrash's HD. At 5HD and with every additional 5HD, increases the die size of replaced diseases by one step. The additional effects of extraordinary diseases (such as being struck blind from blinding sickness) are preserved, but not enhanced by the Marrash's HD.

    As with Marrashi Fever a target cannot be infected with the same disease more than once, instead they merely make another save against that disease when re-exposed through this ability.

    Willing Marrash with this ability may freely exchange diseases and strains between each other through physical contact, keeping in mine their won respective limits for carried diseases and strains.

    Disease Sense (Ex): Second level Marrashi have keen senses in regards to disease, allowing them to be aware of contaminated creatures and objects nearby. His senses allow him to detect the presence or absence of disease, the number of contaminated subjects and their exact positions within 30ft plus an additional 5ft per HD. He also receives a +4 bonus to survival checks to track a diseased target, but only if the trail is no more then 1 hour old per HD.

    By spending a swift action he can, as a supernatural ability, empower his sight to visibly perceive disease for 1 round per HD. Each contaminated subject within range of his disease sense takes on a glow to his sight unique to the disease, or diseases they carry. He perceives their exact location and can ignore any form of concealment (including against invisible targets) with his ranged and melee attacks. Once he stops detecting disease in this fashion he must wait five minutes before doing so again.

    Intensify Infection (Su): Disease often take a long time before their effects take a toll on their carrier, so in order to increase effectiveness Marrashi of third level have developed a supernatural ability to intensify an infection. As a standard action he can end the incubation period of all diseases carried by a target, forcing him to make a fortitude save against the individual diseases or suffer their damage. Even if the Marrash did not inflict the creature initially with the disease, treat the disease as though he had from now on. After using this ability the Marrash must wait 1d4 rounds to do so again.

    This ability also allows a Marrash to grow additional strains of diseases he has trapped. Once per day a Marrash can increase the carried strains of all his diseases by 10% (minimum increase of one).

    Disease Healing (Su): Beginning at third level a Marrash may transform a single disease held by him, or another creature, into healing energy. Regardless of target this ability takes a full-round action and can be used once per day plus an additional time per 5HD.

    Spoiler
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    Self: When used upon himself this ability requires the Marrash to immediately loose one of his carried diseases. He then heals for a number of hit points equal to the amount of strains previously belonging to that disease. Alternately for every 10 he reduces that healing by he can cure himself of one point of ability damage.

    Other (Non-Marrash): The Marrash makes a fortitude save for the target against one disease they are carrying, on a success the target is cured of the disease and any effect in had inflicted upon its target. If the creature had sustained no ill effects they are instead healed for HP equal to half the check result. On a failure the target receives no benefits, and the use of this ability is not expended.

    Other Marrashi: The ability functions almost identically to when used upon the Marrash's self, except the disease consumed must be one the target Marrash is carrying.


    As an added benefit, whenever a Marrash would be required to lose strains or diseases through his Draw Disease ability he can instead choose to convert those strains into healing. Each strain used in this manner heals the Marrash for 1hp instead of being completely destroyed by his body. Unlike the above function of this ability, this conversion is an extraordinary ability.

    Archer's Presence (Ex): As they increase in proficiency with manipulating diseases, so to does their skills for ranged combat increase. When wielding a bow (or crossbow if they acquire proficiency with one) a Marrash of third level threatens squares within 10ft as though wielding a reach weapon such as a spiked chain, making attacks with his bow against those who provoke. This additional training also prevents them from provoking an AoO when firing a bow in melee.

    Afflictive Ammunition (Su): For a fourth level Marrash, his natural weapons are not the only way for him to transmit disease. As a standard action he can infect a piece of ammunition that deals piercing or slashing damage with Marrashi Fever. Alternatively he may consume a strain from one of his carried disease to infect the piece of ammunition with that instead. When such a piece of ammunition damages a creature, the target immediately makes a save versus disease as with the Disease Carrier and Outbreak abilities. A save against disease must also be made if the piece of ammunition is handled by a creature vulnerable to disease. In either case the piece of ammunition loses any traces of the disease afterward, regardless of the success or failure of the save.

    Double Bowfire (Ex): The pinnacle of Marrashi bowsmanship, those who reach fifth level have mastered an additional trick to firing composite bows. While flying a Marrah may hold his bow with his talons instead of claws, allowing him to use both claws to fire the weapon. Whenever making an attack with a bow in this fashion he may choose to fire two arrows with every attack roll he makes. Precision damage such as sneak attack only applies to one arrow in each pair and both gain full benefit from the bow's enchantments but only half of the Marrash's strength modifier (Maximum of half the bow's rating). On a critical hit, only the damage from one of the arrows (the one benefiting from precision damage) is multiplied and effects that trigger on a critical hit only trigger once.

    Marrashi using the Manyshot feat only add a single arrow to the attack, as the feat is essentially an extension of their training at firing multiple arrows at once.

    Only composite bows have sturdy enough construction for this technique to be executed properly, and thus the Marrash may not perform this technique with a normal bow. If the bow is capable of generating its own ammunition (as with an Energy Bow) the Marrash can use this technique to generate two shots with every attack.

    This ability does cannot be used with bows enchanted with the splitting property as the splitting of the arrows ruins the technique's implementation.

    Flight: At fifth level the Marrash's wings have strengthened enough to properly bear him aloft, and he gains a flight speed of 30ft and average maneuverability. This continues to improve by 5ft for each additional HD. This reaches a maximum of 70ft at 13HD, but their maneuverability increases to good at 10HD

    Taklif Curse (Su): The cultivation of a powerful supernatural disease known as the Taklif Curse is an ability only possessed by the most skilled of the Marrashi. Those of fifth level may, as a standard action, consume 20 strains in any combination from his carried diseases in order to create a Taklif Curse. Treat the Taklif curse as a seperate disease in regards to the number of different diseases a Marrash can have at any one time with his Draw Disease ability, except he can never have more than one strain of the Taklif Curse. Like any disease possessed by the Marrash he can attempt to infect a target with it through either his Outbreak or Afflictive Ammunition Abilities. Creatures that are normally immune to diseases, or just the negative effects of, (such as Paladins, Cancer Mages, and other Marrash) are not immune to the effects of the Taklif Curse and must make a saving throw against it's effects as normal.

    Upon failing their initial saving throw against the Taklif Curse the target immediately takes a number points of ability damage to their highest ability score equal to the infecting Marrash's HD/2. This damage doesn't benefit from the standard increases a diseases receives through the Marrash's Outbreak ability. Saving throws against the disease are made every round after infection, and the disease deals its damage again for every failure. Successful saves to do cure the disease so long as the curse persists, merely allowing the creature to avoid taking damage for that round. Though if the creature makes two successful saving throws in a row it only has to make saves every minute, unless subjected to the Intensify Infection ability of a Marrash after which is resumes making saves again as normal.

    Successful saving throws and spells also do nothing to rid a creature of the Taklif Curse's disease so long as the curse itself persists. The infected creature must first receive a break enchantment or remove curse spell, and the caster must succeed at a caster level check (DC 10+HD of the Marrash). After which the disease may be cured as normal, though the frequency at which saves must be made does not decrease.

    If the creature dies before the disease can be cured, they cannot be raised or resurrected until it has been purged from their body. If their corpse is nor cured within 1d6 days after death it rises from the dead as a first level Marrash, loosing all previous race templates or monster class levels. The new marrash has the same alignment, memories, experience and general world view as the previous creature, though now embraces its new race and their practices. It has a friendly disposition to it's creator, but is not beholden to him in any way and is likely to seek out the nearest large settlement of Marrash to learn more about its new people.

    A Marrash carrying a strain of the Taklif curse is not at risk of loosing it if subject to a remove disease spell, unless first subject to a break enchantment or remove curse spell following the above limitations. Any failure on the part of a caster to purge a Marrash of its Taklif Curse results in them contracting it.


    Disease Advancement Chart
    Spoiler
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    {table=head]Disease|Base Damage|At 5HD|At 10HD|At 15HD|At 20HD|Notes
    Marrashi Fever|1d3 Dex|1d3 Dex and Con|1d4 Dex and Con|1d6 Dex and Con|1d8 Dex and Con|
    |2 Dex|3 Dex and Con|4 Dex and Con|5 Dex and Con|6 Dex and Con|Marrashi Fever Reoccurring Damage
    Blinding Sickness|1d4 Str|1d6 Str|1d8 Str|2d6 Str|3d6 Str|Save vs Blind every time 2+ damage is taken
    Cackle Fever|1d6 Wis|1d8 Wis|2d6 Wis|3d6 Wis|4d6 Wis|
    Demon Fever|1d6 Con|1d8 Con|2d6 Con|3d6 Con|4d6 Con|No aditional effects
    Devil Chills|1d4 Str|1d6 Str|1d8 Str|2d6 Str|3d6 Str|No aditional effects
    Filth Fever|1d3 Dex and Con|1d4 Dex and Con|1d6 Dex and Con|1d8 Dex and Con|2d6 Dex and Con|
    Mindfire|1d4 Int|1d6 Int|1d8 Int|2d6 Int|3d6 Int|
    Mummy Rot|1d6 Con|1d8 Con|2d6 Con|3d6 Con|4d6 Con|No aditional effects
    Red Ache|1d6 Str|1d8 Str|2d6 Str|3d6 Str|4d6 Str|
    Shakes|1d8 Dex|2d6 Dex|3d6 Dex|4d6 Dex|5d6 Dex|
    Slimy Doom|1d4 Con|1d6 Con|1d8 Con|2d6 Con|3d6 Con|Chance to inflict ability drain
    [/table]


    Changelog
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    February 6th
    • Body of Disease renamed Marrash Body
    • A tonne of spelling corrections that somehow eluded the spell check the first time around.

    February 8th
    • More spelling and grammar fixes.
    • DC calculations made more concise.
    • Disease Sense can now pinpoint locations easily and scales range based on HD
    • Flight moved to a separate ability at fifth level

    February 10th
    • Plauged Movement renamed Glide
    • Disease Carrier changed to include a natural disease and move to first level
    • Draw Disease changed and move to second level
    • New Ability (Outbreak) added at second level to cover disease carrier's previous functions
    • Intensify Infection changed
    • Archer's Presence moved to third level
    • New Ability (Disease Healing) added at third level
    • Afflictive Ammunition Updates to reflect changes to the disease mechanics.
    • Some wording on Disease Carrier clarified.
    • Maximum strains from Draw Disease reduce to 1/2 HD x Con Mod
    • Changed how Disease Healing's uses per day were determined
    • Couple more spell corrections
    • Wording made less awkward on Afflictive Ammunition

    February 13th
    • Slightly increased Marrashi Fever's initial damage
    • Intensify Infection cooldown reduce to 1d4 rounds
    • Disease Healing can only cure ability damage, not drain.
    • Made a chart to outline disease damage progression
    • Removed Medium Armour Proficiency
    • Reduced maximum number of strains and maximum number of diseases.
    • Taklif Curse Updated

    February 21st
    • Cleaned up wording and formatting for proficiencies.
    • Fixed spelling error for disease healing.
    • Toned Double Bowfire down.
    • Fixed a spelling error on Taklif Curse


    Comments
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    Since further progress with the Thorn in contingent on other pointing issues out, I have decided to post the Marrash class that I've been sitting on. The race itself originally only had the defining feature of their double bowfire and Taklif arrows, but with a fluff note of being plague carriers of a sort.

    So, I decided to go with that, allowing Marrashi to capture and spread diseases as one of the main facets of the class, while preserving the ranged features of the original race. I think its natural weapon give an interesting melee option, especially in conjunction with the raptoran style flight, so I figure its decently well rounded. The disease mechanic is, perhaps, a bit lengthier then I had remembered, but aside from some initial processing I do not think it overly complicated.

    I made the class up in notepad, so I'm a bit worried about spelling errors, but I'm otherwise I've reached the limit of what I can do independently. Hopefully the class's reception is favourable, and I can finally receive the feedback I need to continue work on the class.

    EDIT: Also, just to note, the plural spelling is from the MMII itself, so I'm not making that up or anything.
    Last edited by Zemro; 2011-02-22 at 02:33 AM.
    Homebrew Monster Classes:
    Arcadian Avenger|Thorn|Marrash|Justice Archon

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    You're putting out the sun, casting the whole Prime Material into chaos on a regular basis... if the God of the Sun launches a crusade, led by its greatest servants and champions, to put you down, that's not DM fiat. That's a plausible campaign setting. The thing about gods of darkness and undeath is that they're evil, and that doesn't guarantee they're going to help you out, unless you're in their service, and even then you're probably outnumbered in terms of enemies over allies.

    The campaign is liable to derail the moment you get Eclipse, or you just break all suspension of disbelief. Sorry, I just find it rather hard to buy.
    Maybe a several mile radius would be a good compromise.
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Friend Of Mine
    Bloody Mess: The gift that keeps on gibbing.
    Fatigue makes me wax philosophic and/or babble. If I've posted something strange and tangential, that is probably the cause. This entry would be an example.

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    The thing about gods of darkness and undeath is that they're evil.
    A couple tropes would like a word with you. :P

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    You're quite right, Ninethepuma. That was badly biased of me.

    I'll rephrase: "All respectable gods of darkness and undeath are evil."

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Reviewing some monsters I haven't covered yet/in a while:

    Bleakborn:
    • General formatting:
      • Worth stating the source.
      • Capitalize ability names throughout. Icy touch in the table, for example, should be Icy Touch.
      • In listing individual abilities in the body of the text, bold or italicize (bold preferred) the ability names to make them stand out & to make it less 'staggered wall of text'.
    • Frozen Body:
      • Should be renamed to 'Bleakborn Body', to avoid confusion with other cold based monster classes.
      • Languages?
    • Proficiencies:
      • Wepons -> Weapons.
    • Icy Touch:
      • I'd consider letting the Bleakborn replace any melee attack with a touch attack, under the same rules you listed. This lets you make two attacks a round and make iterative attacks using the touch attack, which helps a great deal since your BAB bites.
    • Fire Lover:
      • "For every 3 point of fire damage an attack deals..." - I think this should refer to damage taken, as the current wording implies it affects attacks the Bleakborn makes.
      • Also, even with the 'instead' there, it doesn't really make it clear the Bleakborn is immune to fire. Clarify?
    • Turn resistance:
      • Capitalize to 'Turn Resistance'?
      • Kinda boring.
    • Heat Siphon:
      • Capitalize ability names throughout. heat siphon should be Heat Siphon, in the body of text.
      • Spelling error: Exeption
    • Heat draining aura:
      • Should be named Heat Draining Aura.
      • I'd state that the ability isn't fueled by creatures that couldn't grant experience to the bleakborn, to prevent shenanigans (I imagine a PC from bringing rats around with them to fuel the ability. Have a big cage of rats, drag it 11 feet behind you, use aura to kill one rat and get healing, rinse, repeat).
    • Brittle Strike:
      • Capitalize to Brittle Strike.
      • Ability damage is just a bit low & scales a tad slowly.
    • Greater Icy Touch:
      • Capitalize ability name. I'm going to stop mentioning this, but apply it to every ability entry below.
    • Ice Ward:
      • That's not much damage reduction. 1/2 HD?
    • Create Spawn:
      • You state the Bleakborn raises any creature it kills, but then you imply it works on any creature that dies within the heat draining aura.
      • I wonder if the zombies will become kind of useless at a later level.
    • Ice Slick:
      • I don't like Prone as an easily applied condition. Especially as an area of effect easily applied condition. Especially when it uses a skill that most creatures won't have available. And you can use it constantly.
    • Greater Heat Draining Aura:
      • I'm wondering if the scaling on heat draining aura is too much.
      • Exclusion is ok... 12 free damage a round might be a bit much at 6th, though.
    • Frost Nova:
      • What kind of action is this?
      • Perhaps a little too hazardous to teammates.


    Solamith
    • Consider tweaking the starting languages, so there's less risk of a language barrier with fellow PCs. 3 is a bit much to start, especially when one isn't common.
    • Why 2 damage per 2 HD when you could have 1 damage per HD? Just curious.
    • Demon:
      • You start a sentence as "Plus telepathy..." - it reads kinda funny. Change so the sentences are complete sentences?
      • Ditto for "Also..."
    • Infernal Summoning:
      • It's a little unclear how the progression of new summon monster spells works with the 'once per day' limit. When I gain 4th level in the class, do I have the ability to cast Summon Monster I 1/day and Summon Monster II 1/day? Or does one replace the other?
    • Soulfire Retort:
      • It's quite powerful, this. I'm not a fan of swift actions that deal damage. Perhaps make it a move action, so you retain the ability to use retort and make an attack/throw soulfire, without breaking the action economy? This would force a choice between an aggressive retaliatory attack and a more defensive move action.
    • Otherwise, looks good.


    Thorn
    • For the sake of my OCPD, can you remove the text prior to the Thorn entry? No longer needed, and it detracts from the monster.
    • Refreshing to have a roguelike creature, I gotta say.
    • Under Sneak Attack, you use 'loose', where you mean 'lose'.
    • Under Slumbering Shots, you use 'effect' where you mean 'affect'.
    • For the slow effect, consider making it break under the same conditions that would break the sleep spell, so it doesn't work out as a potentially better effect to apply.
    • The dex mod to damage feels like it comes a little late.
    • You reference slumbering shots getting stuck in, forcing repeated saves, and reference Weapon of barbs, but unless I'm being lamebrained, that 'getting stuck' bit is referenced under Piercing Strikes.
    • Slumbering Shots is maybe a bit too powerful, with stacked penalties on the save and the 'save or lose' effect of it. Find a way to tone it down, just a bit?
    • A few too many bonuses on attacks, for such a relatively low level. Scrub the DR penetration or regeneration penetration, perhaps?
    • Weapon of Barbs' bonus is maybe too easy to apply, considering the total benefit. Consider that you're getting the effect for the duration of each & every encounter. Since it lasts your wis or cha mod (which you're going to stack from an early level), it's liable to last most/all of the encounter. It costs nothing to activate, so you're really losing nothing for a free, up to date, customized magic weapon. Change to a 1/day per X HD, so you can't use it for *every* encounter & have to choose when to apply it, perhaps?


    Pandorym
    • God, I hate 20 level creatures.
    • Duration on corporealized limbs?
    • You reference telepathic backlash, but it doesn't appear in the body of the text.
    • 9th level is really dull.
    • What kind of action is warp jump?
    • I admit, I'm not well versed in psionics. Or high level creatures. Glancing over it, I can't see any glaring problems, but I'm not well versed here. If anyone wants to be a hero, I could stand some more general critiques of the Pandorym before coming to a final verdict.


    Jovoc
    • Str bonus to claw attacks?
    • Should rename Body of Vengeance to Jovoc Body.
    • Second level is really boring. Only passive abilities.
    • Punishment Strike is rather over the top, given how fast it scales, and how easy it is to qualify to activate.
    • Don't start sentences with And (as in Rapid Recovery)
    • Formatting error in Bloodclaws (14HD bonus isn't indented)
    • Retributive Aura:
      • The 'immune if your fort save is...' bit is kind of lame. It's a pain to check and track during battle ("Was that guy immune or not?")
      • "A creature s not subject to the aura" - missing an i there.
      • What would your thoughts be on going up against a pair or trio of Jovoc with these class levels, from the perspective of a 5th/7th level PC? Scads of vile damage to your entire team any time you try to hurt it, more vile damage as they spend HP while attacking you. Vile Damage is, like disease, something that doesn't particularly hamper most monsters, while it does inconvenience PCs. I wonder how apt it is here.


    Briarvex
    • "Full strength is added to these strikes" reads a little weird.
    • Leathal should be spelled lethal.
    • Spellcheck! Oppurtunity
    • I'd remove 'per thorn point' at the end of Briar Burrow, as it reads awkwardly and is really unneeded.
    • I think what bugs me about Thorn Burrow is that it's basically sneak attack damage, without restrictions on how the damage can be applied (must be flanking, etc.), with a dex penalty until it is triggered (lowering AC, among other things). Opponents aren't really going to get a chance to remove the thorns in your usual combat, by virtue of either not having the heal skill or not being willing to take the actions to remove the thorns.
    • I don't like entangle as anything less than a move action.
    • I'd replace HD/4 times a day with something easier to read. I swear I complained about this earlier. It's confusing, and can be interpreted as 4x per HD.


    Gray Jester
    • Looks pretty good.
    • Joy slaves - might just suggest 1 per 5 HD for simplicity's sake. Open to suggestions.


    Quasi-God
    • Don't love divine spark. Doesn't fit every god, either in the blasting or the healing departments (I don't see Kord throwing lightning, or Nerull healing).
    • Regardless, rather than write "deals 1d6/2HD damage.", it'd be much cleaner to write it out in full.
    • Ditto for "Additionally, 1/2HD each day", which is confusing at first read.
    • Fledgling Portfolio:
      • You refer to the creature as a god. Are they really? AFAIK, they don't qualify as such until they have a divine rank.
      • You use it's instead of its, second paragraph.
    • State that the choice of resistance is made once.
    • Broken list tags under Aura of Divinity.
    • Aura of Resolve is incredibly strong. A simple +3 to all allies' saves, attack rolls, skills and ability checks at 9th level?
    • I don't even understand how Weaken Aura works. What if enemies don't have that many levels?
    • The Demiplane seems badly abusable. Combat not going your way? Head to the demiplane to wait out the negative spell effects, or let your friends scamper through.
    • Honestly, this creature, along with the Pandorym, is so 'out there' that I don't feel, even after going through it ability by ability, that I have a good grasp of it or where it stands. I admit I'm perplexed.


    Black Dragon
    • God, I really hate 20 level creatures.
    • Level 1 feels a little too packed full of stuff. Consider stretching out some of those benefits over levels.
    • SLAs aren't terribly interesting. You've already got arcane spells. Why not replace these SLAs with something more thematic and fitting?
    • Set a cap on flight speed.
    • Lots of levels, you only get one spell, which can only be used once a day or so. This makes it a tad placid, and doesn't really drive home the draconic flavor.
    • I can't tell what the Black Dragon is trying to be. I mean, this is kind of a problem I have with all dragons, but you've got a bonus to hide checks (roguish), spells (caster-ish), full BAB and tons of natural attacks (Fighter-ish), and it feels kind of schizophrenic as a result.
    • Toxic breath needs clarification. It doesn't mention it's poison until far too late, which makes it confusing on first read. It also eclipses and outclasses weakening breath.
    • Not sure I get or like the whole 'dragon can turn nauseated to sickened' bit.
    • Impure Breath is kind of underwhelming as a capstone.


    Locathah
    • Looks fine.


    Hellfire Wyrm
    • I'll review it when you find a picture and fill out the dead levels.

  29. - Top - End - #329
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Mystic Muse's Avatar

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Quote Originally Posted by Hyudra View Post
    Hellfire Wyrm
    • I'll review it when you find a picture and fill out the dead levels.
    Considering you apparently hate 20 level classes with the burning white hot intensity of a thousand suns, you don't have to bother.
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  30. - Top - End - #330
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Gorgondantess's Avatar

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    Default Re: Community Based Monster Classes VI

    Pandorym: 1st level offers almost nothing. Let's look at what you lose:
    10 feet less move speed than most classes.
    No fine manipulation.
    Terrible skills.
    Bad hp.
    Can't wear armor.
    Can't use weapons.
    And what you get:
    The ability to keep up with every other race for 1 round.
    A mediocre slam attack.
    ...Actually, by RAW, the class couldn't even get the move speed bonus until at least 3rd level (4th if you don't round up). And does the class not have a strength score? Why is bonus slam damage based on con?

    Crystalline spray: scale? Scale!

    Also, I'm not a fan of the BAB. Even psions use attack rolls once in a while, and I don't see why this fellow would be even worse than someone totally untrained in combat.

    Ego whiplash: It's only at all decent if you can kill a creature by slamming its charisma into nothing. As is, that's nearly impossible. Smooth out the scaling, make it a little more regular, eh?

    Manifestation of will: why can't you just say: "gains manifestation as a psion of a level equal to class level-3." At first to third level you could just say it has a PP reserve of 1 or 0, and gains bonus PP based on intelligence.
    Speaking of ability scores, all the other stuff really should be charisma. It's the ability score that governs innate abilities. Beyond that, it's the actual pandorym's highest ability score.

    Faint Sign of Binding: Very, very weak. DC is ridiculously low, especially for one that targets a skill check. Level 2 wizards should be able to pass it by rolling above a 3.

    Corporealize: What's the duration? One would simply make as many as possible. Might as well just say "gain con mod pseudopods".

    Bonus psionic feat: *smacks* NO BONUS FEAT! IZ LAZY!
    A good substitution would be to slap incorporeality on that level.

    Moderate sign of binding: abusable. Especially because most casters will summon creatures similar to their own alignment.

    3rd facet of mind: Um. It's a lot weaker than a single feat. Swift action?

    Psionic Leech: does it affect every psion in the world, or does it have a range?

    Strong Sign of Binding: was it meant to be versatile? I can imagine a clever pandorym using it as a buff, to make their non-casting allies immune to conjuration spells.
    Also: probably a good idea to rewrite it so it is conjuration spells that allow SR.

    A note on PLAs: due to their highly flexible nature and scaling by ML, you don't need to do much with them. Go ahead and use standard PLA DCs, and I wouldn't do instant augmentations like under 5th facet- whether it increases DC is muddy.

    Psionic Vortex: Zam! Wow. A little powerful. It allows higher amounts of augmentation. Kindof a really super powerful capstone.

    7th facet: underwhelming. Just a will save or die.
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