Have you ever had difficulties playing a character of the opposite gender?

[DragonSinged]

So yeah. I'm currently getting into a game of Exalted with some friends of mine, playing around a table, and I've rolled up a female character, mid-twenties, who is supposed to be both beautiful and manipulative.

I'm having some difficulties getting into character. I don't want this character to just be a big joke or anything, but this is definitely a challenge for me. Usually, when I make a new character, that characters personality is largely based off of some part of my own personality; my first character, a dragonborn paladin, I could get into character with based off my desire to generally do the "right" thing; my next, a roman knight, was centered around the desire to perform as duty directed him to; a beguiler I played liked to have fun, and do "good" while maintaining his reputation that said otherwise; half-dragon wizard let me just be crotchety and point out when other people were being stupid.

This character, though, I haven't really been able to put a part of my personality into, and I think it's the gender thing that is the majority of the problem.

Has anyone else run into this? And I mean in an 'around the table' type of situation. Over the interwebs, I can take the time to think about things, and make the appropriate response. In person is a bit different.

So yeah, have you run into this? And if so, how did you deal with it / was there something that you found helped?

[Xefas]

This character, though, I haven't really been able to put a part of my personality into, and I think it's the gender thing that is the majority of the problem.

Are you sure it's the gender? I think answering that for certain would be the first step on the road to "dealing with it".

For instance, if you woke up tomorrow with boobs and decidedly less phallus than when you went to sleep, would you be a fundamentally different person, personality-wise?

If you answered that question with "No, I'd just be a normal person that happened to have female genitalia" then you've discovered the first and only secret of successfully playing an opposite-gender character without it being a joke.

[DragonSinged]

I suppose maybe I haven't given enough details? I mean, the problem I'm encountering isn't making this character unplayable. And no, I'm not the type of dude who is all, "Hey, I'm playing a hot chick? Ok, Storyteller! I need to sleep with all the other hot chicks, now!"
I guess the main problem I'm running into is making this character believable, without weirding out the other players.

I've played one sort of half-session/intro-session sort of thing so far, and, yes, mainly when I had to say something in character, I spoke as if it were just, well, me speaking. (Sorry if that sentence is a little unclear.)

But.. I don't know. The words I'm using, the phrases and whatnot, just.. don't sound like what I picture my character sounding like. Now, of course there's not going to be a perfect solution here - it's always going to be a masculine voice quoting the words that the sultry lady is speaking (and I have a fairly deep voice, at that), so there's not much I can do there.
But.. Yeah. It could be something that will just sort itself out as time goes on, and I'm sure a few sessions in things will run a bit smoother.

But again, has anyone else actually run into this before? Was there anything you did to make things easier for yourself and the other players/ST?

EDIT: And hey! With that post, I am officially a "Halfling in the Playground"!

[Xefas]

But again, has anyone else actually run into this before? Was there anything you did to make things easier for yourself and the other players/ST?

Ah, okay. Your additional information is, indeed, illuminating. I've run into this problem indirectly, having GM'd for someone with a similar issue. What we discovered, and how we resolved it is simply thus:

The act of "Roleplaying", in theory, is one person acting out the role of a fictional individual. That fictional individual may be as similar or as different to its controller as the "player" can conceive of. In a "Roleplaying Game", we have multiple people acting out the parts of multiple individuals, and together they tell a fictional story from the perspective of those individuals. That is the theory.

In practice, however, you are a grown man acting 'sultry' towards another grown man whom you are sitting across from. Possibly in a poorly lit room surrounded by other grown men.

In an ideal world, all involved could be completely passive about this and no one would bat an eye. It's fiction, of course. But we don't live in an ideal world. Of course it's going to be awkward. And therein lies the solution. If you're going to play a female character, don't hit on the GM. Yes, you're technically hitting on "the fictional individual he's portraying". In practice, once again, you're hitting on the GM.

[FerhagoRosewood]

Only when she was charmed by an Incubus and slowly being drained of life force.

...Yeah.

[a_humble_lich]

Also, there is a big difference between playing a character who happens to be female and one whose femininity is an important part of the character (or masculinity for a female player). The first is easy. The second is a lot harder and sounds more like what you are trying to do. Besides possible issues of flirting with other players/the DM (which can be awkward even if you're off appropriate genders), it can be hard to play such a character without reverting to stereotypes.

[KillianHawkeye]

If you're going to play a female character, don't hit on the GM. Yes, you're technically hitting on "the fictional individual he's portraying". In practice, once again, you're hitting on the GM.

I don't see a meaningful difference between playing a female character hitting on a male NPC and playing a normal male character hitting on a female NPC. This really has less to do with what gender your character is and more to do with what you and your group members are comfortable roleplaying out. I also don't think that that's what the issue is here.

Whenever you're trying to get into the mindset of a character who is fairly dissimilar from yourself (whether it's because of gender or some other reason), I like to find music which relates to the character and listen to it before a session. Make up a playlist that forms the emotional building blocks of the character. That way listening to the music becomes sort of like listening to your character's story. I used to do that all the time and it worked out pretty well for me.

[rakkoon]

We had a session where the DM's switched. So instead of flirting with a male DM who was fabulous at portraying female characters, I was flirting with a male lecherous DM who never shaved or bathed. That was a problem.
If you just flirt less your (fictional) bits should not be a problem

[Ragitsu]

Unless you're worried about straying from a safe stereotype, why would you have any?

[Cespenar]

Most characters are already very different from the people that plays them. Adding that one more angle (the gender) shouldn't make much of a difference.

[BayardSPSR]

I'm expecting a similar problem to crop up soon in a game I'm running. I'm not exactly experienced. I have a group of four guys, and in six sessions there has been exactly one female NPC (who they didn't talk to). Current plans require three (named and important) to show up at different times in the near future, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. To dissuade flirting, one will be a lesbian pirate captain (which actually makes sense with the character concept, I swear!) who will castrate any of them who try to. One of them will be one of the PCs' cousin, as well as suffering from a terrible crush on another NPC. The third will be the first they run into, and I have no idea what to do with her.

[Grumman]

To dissuade flirting, one will be a lesbian pirate captain (which actually makes sense with the character concept, I swear!) who will castrate any of them who try to. One of them will be one of the PCs' cousin, as well as suffering from a terrible crush on another NPC. The third will be the first they run into, and I have no idea what to do with her.

A simple "Thanks, but no thanks" mindset should suffice, shouldn't it?

[BayardSPSR]

A simple "Thanks, but no thanks" mindset should suffice, shouldn't it?

I don't know. Should it? Like I said, I've never RP'ed a female NPC before, and I've heard frightening rumors about what players like to do... And one of my players has already suggested a brothel visit. I don't know whether he was joking.

Yeah, I'm paranoid about this. But only because I don't know what to do.


(Though I'm actually liking the way the lesbian pirate captain's coming together. Honest.)

[Titanium Fox]

I've had issues playing a female character, but honestly, it had nothing to do with getting in character.

The other players in the campaign (playing males, of course) continually attempted to IC rape my character. It was cute the first couple of times, especially considering the offender was... I think a 9 int fighter. I mean the first time with his alignment and intelligence it was in character. Then the wizard joined in. I know it was OOC trolling, but it ruined the campaign a little bit for me.

I turned her into a blighter, and when she went to burn the forest, pissed off like three Orcworts. She died. I re-rolled a male.

[KillianHawkeye]

I've had issues playing a female character, but honestly, it had nothing to do with getting in character.

The other players in the campaign (playing males, of course) continually attempted to IC rape my character. It was cute the first couple of times, especially considering the offender was... I think a 9 int fighter. I mean the first time with his alignment and intelligence it was in character. Then the wizard joined in. I know it was OOC trolling, but it ruined the campaign a little bit for me.

Man, I would NOT have put up with that crap. There would have been swearing at the table on that day.

[Titanium Fox]

Yeah. The wizard left the college and the fighter was his brother. So I mean it's a non-issue at this point. Just if I ever played with them again, I would pull them aside before hand.

They argued that cause my female druid had 18 charisma, it was all looks, and no other skills (verbal wit, commanding voice, etc.) I told them BS, but... Meh.

[KillianHawkeye]

They argued that cause my female druid had 18 charisma, it was all looks, and no other skills (verbal wit, commanding voice, etc.) I told them BS, but... Meh.

So in other words, you were asking for it?

I don't get it. How is that an argument?

[Titanium Fox]

It really wasn't at all. They were trying to justify going about it and failing miserably. I wish the DM had looked at them and gone "Heh. You're chaotic evil now!"

[Grumman]

I wish the DM had looked at them and gone "Heh. You're chaotic evil now!"

No, the correct DM response is "Get the **** out of my game!"

[Urpriest]

To the OP:

In some ways, your issue is just that you're playing a character who's very different from you. This can be refreshing at times, but it's also challenging.

Here's the thing: while you don't have much in common with this character, you've doubtlessly read stories of similar characters. So think about what sort of story you want to tell with this character. What is her background? Where is she going in life? What does she want, both blatantly and secretly?

The one time I played a female character she was a halfling mercenary in Warhammer. It was a one-shot with semi-randomly rolled characters, and I ended up deciding she was female halfway through because it fit better with the story I wanted to tell. She had run away from her stodgy and conservative halfling community to become a mercenary, but on some level she still missed the traditions of her home, so after saving a halfling village on pie day (a major Warhammer halfling festival) she ended up requesting to help with the baking.

One thing that might be making it tricky for your character is that for a manipulative type most of the time you're posing as someone rather than actually being someone. Try to think a little bit about the person behind the mask. Is she nervous sometimes? Overconfident? Bored with her ability to control people, or is it still a challenge?

[Fastmover]

So in other words, you were asking for it?

LOL that is exactly what my Femanist Girlfriend says all the time to people argueing female rape victims. Sigh... she is so cute when she starts to take that feminist anger out on me...

I think all the players in my gaming group have all played female chars, besides me, and sometimes prefer it. Sometimes they do a really good job, other times one or two of them seem only play the extremes of the female gender without a real normal moment, the stereotypical extremes that is... though... It could also be due to their lack of actual experience with them...

Charisma is not a dump stat IRL.

[Callista]

Not too many issues, no; but I've never been too strongly feminine. I'm kind of the nerdy version of a tomboy, so it's easier for me, I think.

I find that playing a non-human or at least culturally exotic character will smooth over any cross-gender RP!fail by allowing people to put down the unavoidable feminine traits to being a different race. My last male character was a kobold in a D&D game, and was often referred to as simply a kobold rather than by his gender. It didn't hurt that I played him more like a teenage boy than like a grown man; he was a cleric of Bahamut and an absolute dragon fanboy.

[Coidzor]

The other players in my group won't let me. :/ No idea why, it's not like I've done it before and been horrible or anything.

Actually, come to think of it, I think that might just be a blanket rule against guys playing girl characters. But not the other way around.

[RndmNumGen]

who is supposed to be both beautiful and manipulative.

[...]

Usually, when I make a new character, that characters personality is largely based off of some part of my own personality

Is part of your personality manipulative as well? Are you part "Lady-killer"? Are you confident in your appearance(not OMYGAWDIMGORGEOUS, but at least you don't consider yourself unattractive)?

If so, then there really shouldn't be that big of a problem here. You just need to think about what it's like on the other side(not that difficult). It might take a while to get used to, but it shouldn't be a huge problem.

On the other hand, if your personality does not have any of those elements, there is your problem right there. You're trying to roleplay a character nothing like you. If this is the case, conflicts are more likely to stem from personality issues then gender issues.

[Ernir]

I find it much easier to RP characters that aren't like me at all.

YMMV.

[Grey Paladin]

When playing something utterly unlike yourself I find it better to narrate the character and his or her actions, rather than speaking and talking in first person - much like you would in a book. I think it also creates a more descriptive picture for the rest of the group and forces you to consider how your character appears to the rest of the world, which makes a richer game in general. The downside is that it takes longer and you might have trouble getting 'in character' in the sense of identification if you are unused to it.

[Combat Reflexes]

I don't RP my characters to their gender, but to their race/class - both manipulative bastard, loyal warrior, bookish wizard, annoying gnome. Not that they aren't different, but more that they behave more or less the same.

If you RP females completely differently than males, you are putting too much accent on their gender instead of their background, class, race, beliefs, alignment, personal code, attitude etc. There are a thousand things that can define how you RP your character.

And if you really dislike playing a female, go get yourself a Gender Bender Belt
Warning: DM may freakout when used on NPCs once or twice. Per minute.

[TheWhisper]

I don't generally allow players to play characters of the opposite gender.

I find that roleplaying a character is generally a daunting challenge in an of itself to the average participant. If all their effort is used up in the mere act of roleplaying their demographic, there's none with which to create a unique character.

[Ernir]

I don't generally allow players to play characters of the opposite gender.

Woah. People let you get away with that?

[Grey Paladin]

Gender is but another quality, not any more significant than personality, profession, age, or race.

I find it extremely odd that people will constantly play creatures of an alien psychology with little bother, but cannot play a slightly different member of their own specie.

Yes, gender is important. Men and women are different. No, they are not so different that its harder to play than, say, a warrior, a wizard, or an elf. In fact people of the opposite gender are much closer to you than any of the previously mentioned concepts. If a dwarf is closer to you than a woman (or, respectively, a man) then something's wrong in the picture.