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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    PirateGuy

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    Default [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    If it makes it more funny/badass/whatever, explain the context in which it was said.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Planetar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    My mage once said "Suck Bolt V Lizard" to a gargantuan sized black dragon.

    Admittedly, had I not made a severe tactical blunder and nearly died from it, it would have been much cooler.
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  3. - Top - End - #3
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Volos's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Coming from my players more often then they'd like to admit...

    "I'm convinced my god hates me now."

    And coming from me to my players.

    "And you think that is enough to stop me?"

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Marillion's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "Thank you, Uncle. It was getting rather warm in here."

    Context: It was a climactic duel with my evil uncle. He'd murdered my father (his brother), denied me of my birthright, the whole shebang. When I confronted him at his (my) estate and demanded he vacate, he stood up and started SPEWING FIRE at me. In this universe, that pretty much amounts to "HERETIC!! BURN wait he's immune to fire DROWN HIM!" Unfortunately, I'd been so intimidated by his display that I could only react to defend myself. He conjured a whip of fire and lashed out at me, taking the buttons off my jacket. I found strength in my faith in the Prophets and shrugged off my jacket, drawing my sword. "Thank you, Uncle. It was getting rather warm in here."
    Last edited by Marillion; 2011-02-06 at 12:56 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Xefas View Post
    I like my women like I like my coffee; 10 feet tall, incomprehensible to the human psyche, and capable of ending life as a triviality.

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ElfPirate

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    To a group of Paladin's:

    "I'd like to think that when it comes to a choice between doing what's right, and what I'm told, I'll do what's right every time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some orders I need to ignore"

    And then there was this exchange between me and the Party paladin (who was in the previous group)

    Paladin: "Remember that promise, where I'd said I'd gladly give my life for a chance to stop him?"
    Me: "Yeah, I recall calling you stupid for throwing away your life instead of thinking of something tactically sound
    Paladin: "Well, in case you haven't noticed, we Paladin's are rather stubborn when it comes to keeping our promises. So if you'll excuse me, I have some orders about not charging into that room that need ignoring. You coming with, or what?"
    My life is one massive running in-joke. It involves lightsaber duels on rooftops, stilts, and setting oneself up for disappointment for the sole purpose of destroying shirts.

  6. - Top - End - #6
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Ravens_cry's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    My Hardass Paladin to the Party Thief: "What's your safety word?"
    ***
    After been apart an (in-game) year, the Thief (OK Rogue, but he was a thief), in character, sighed and 'handed' me an imaginary rope, saying thusly "Here's my leash." And I replied, with a twinkle in my eye, . . . well, you know the rest.
    The Thief went on to be best man at my Paladins wedding to a harpy.
    Last edited by Ravens_cry; 2011-02-06 at 01:12 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Calanon View Post
    Raven_Cry's comments often have the effects of a +5 Tome of Understanding

  7. - Top - End - #7
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    CycloneJoker's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Monk whose first words in the campaigne were "Ore...SANJOU!" Also, he has also said, on what were crits/killing blows, before it happened, either "Charge and Up" or "Rider Kick."

    Also, a Warforged Psywar who used Enlarge and said "Big O, SHOWTIME!"

    Nowhere near as good as some of the others here, but I thought they were good, and got some laughs in. My one regret is not Gestalting Monk or SS//Sorcerer, get to level 18, and use "Clock Up" as the verbal component for time stop.

  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    dspeyer's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "What's your problem? You eat meat."

    Said by my callous neutral druid to a lawful nice character that didn't want to strip our enemies' corpses of all valuables.

  9. - Top - End - #9
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    An earth elemental paladin in a Planescape game, who's just watched a sentient mass of maggots ambush and devour some innocent bystanders: "It spat out the bones. That means I can stop it. I have to try."

  10. - Top - End - #10
    Orc in the Playground
     
    NamelessNPC's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    I used to play a primitive warrior (it was a homebrew class) that whenever he saw hobbits or gnomes said "delicious gnomits!"

  11. - Top - End - #11
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dsmiles's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    I have two.

    First One:(this one usually gets a laugh)
    Spoiler
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    There we were, crawling through this epic dungeon set in a dormant volcano (epic in scale, not level; 2e didn't use the term that way). We get through the upper levels without too much inconvenience, but we finally get to the bottom of the volcano, and there it is. The biggest red dragon we've ever seen (not really saying much, though). We're lucky, it's asleep. The party surrounds it, and accidentally wakes it up. We're locked in a battle for our lives (and its treasure). My half-drow wizard is getting kind of low in hit points (after taking a couple of blasts from the dragon's fiery halitosis), so I decide that now's a good time to make my way to that ledge behind it. Quickly flipping through my repertoire of spells, I find that I used my last dim door already, and all I have left are a couple of teleport spells, and some blasting. Ok, here's the plan: I teleport to the ledge, and blast it on my next round with a cone of cold. Here we go. "TELEPORT!!!!" *bamf* I saved the day, and won the spoils...I slew the dragon! Coincidentally, I teleported directly into the dragon's left ventricle. Instant death for me, cardiac arrest for the dragon.

    Favorite Character Quote: "TELEPORT!!!"


    Second One:(a little more recently, probably early '04)
    Spoiler
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    An ancient red dragon (are we sensing a pattern here?) is gathering an army of orcs, hobgoblins, ogres, trolls, and goblins, and we have to stop him/her/it (we were never really sure). So my archer ranger/summoner druid, the half-golem fighter, and the tiefling rogue are out to scout this mountain pass where the army is amassing. We're at the top of a 300-foot-cliff, and directly below us there are several battalions of these creatures. Now, my character has this OCD-like...thing...about running out of ammo. so bad, in fact, that I traded most of the treasure from out last adventure to the tiefling for a bag of holding to keep spare arrows in. So we literally see thousands of troops in this pass. We start thinking. And thinking. I have an idea. I look at the tiefling and the fighter and say, "If an arrow falls off a cliff in the mountains, does the orc at the bottom make a sound?" I reach into my bag of holding, and empty it. We come up with about a thousand arrows. Well, arrows are heavier at the tip, and terminal velocity's a bitch. We start chucking handfuls of arrows over the cliff. Sure enough, the orcs at the bottom start making sounds. Eventually, we run out, and run away (before the dragon figures out who just decimated half his/her/its army).

    Favorite Character Quote: "If an arrow falls off a cliff in the mountains, does the orc at the bottom make a sound?"
    Quote Originally Posted by The Doctor
    People assume that time is a strict progression of cause-to-effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.
    Awesomesauce Doctor WhOotS-atar by Ceika!

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Orc in the Playground
     
    DwarfClericGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Anything, literally ANYTHING from MP and the Holy Grail:

    -Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

    -Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!!

    -Burn it! Burn it!

    and, of course, all our characters have 1st level cohorts that slam coconuts together

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Devil

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "You should call for back up now..."

    Had a gambler/drunk/Ftr/Rog/Barb who was being arrested for stealing the archeological finds from an expedition. When he was surrounded by 13 guards that was my response. It was made all the better by finishing my drink and lighting a cigar while he said it. They all blundered their check vs intimidate and decided my idea had merit. To bad 13 became 40 and I was caught later.
    Last edited by BadJuJu; 2011-02-07 at 11:48 AM.
    "Never argue with stupid people, they just drag you to their level and beat you in experience."

  14. - Top - End - #14
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    had a barbarian
    name grimbold (hence the username)
    i loved this guy
    he once said upon being forced into a solo duel with a great wyrm gold dragon said
    "I know that i'm supposed to not stop believing but the suspension of disbelief has gone tofar on this one"
    My Metal Blog
    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicBard View Post
    I think we can all agree in one thing. Metal + Pirates = Awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by VanBuren View Post
    Dwarves, like pirates, simply become more proficient as they becomes more intoxicated.
    Thanks to Crimmy for the awesome avatar
    Come join the Giantitp Chat on Facebook!

  15. - Top - End - #15
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Scarlet-Devil's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    One of my favourite moments in a game was when my fighter challenged an evil baron to a duel, pulling a line from "Scaramouche": something to the effect of "Your cheeks are looking a bit pale; perhaps I can give them some COLOR!" *slapped his face twice with my gloved hand*.

    (I ended up losing pretty badly, but we later took him out as a party.)
    Ponified Remilia avatar by Kurien.
    Quote Originally Posted by BayardSPSR View Post
    Do you have 'craft: disturbing mental image' as a class skill?
    Attempt at converting the characters of Touhou to the world of D&D 3.5: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=181050

    Attempt at converting Berserk characters to 3.5: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=186155

    Attempt at converting Geralt of Rivia to 3.5:
    http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=208270

  16. - Top - End - #16
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Context: D&D Encounters, after spending the chapter fighting our way through lizard country, we arrive at the lair of the black dragon. While poking around her cave, she rose up out of a pool of water before me and said, in a nutshell: "Ah, good. Supper has arrived"
    I paused, looked the dragon straight in the eye and simply stated: "You know, we killed everything between the keep and here. What makes you think you're more than a speedbump to us?"
    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoWildheart View Post
    You killed all the Catigrls. You monster!
    On my wish for real-world physics.

  17. - Top - End - #17
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    The Valiant Turtle's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Quote #1: "Well, I guess they didn't have any money."

    Spoiler
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    Party encountered some random bunch of undead and the Cleric of Greed/Money steps forward and says "Drop your money and run!" (Turn Undead). He rolls pretty well on the turn check and most of the undead get disintegrated, prompting the quote above. Per Rule of Cool/Funny the DM decided that the undead who got the standard turning result (run) did indeed drop some money.


    Quote #2: "Because break limb didn't work."

    Spoiler
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    This was a Rolemaster campaign and some town thug decides to challenge the party Sorcerer to a duel. Said Sorcerer had an eyepatch covering the portal to the void that used to be his eye, wore his ex-wife's shrunken head as an amulet and brilliant elbow-length glove with a flame motif embroidered all over it. Just plain destroying thing's is pretty much what RoleMaster Sorcerers do. That includes people and they do have a spell named "Break Limb" and he tried it the first round, but said thug actually managed to resist the spell. The next round... that flame glove of his casts Fireball 1/day and he unleashed that and he rolled very well and completely incinerated the guy. This caused us some complications and when we asked why he did that he gave the very straightforward explanation above. The unusual thing was that AOE attacks are generally pretty weak in RoleMaster; that was actually a pretty unusual result for a fireball.

  18. - Top - End - #18
    Orc in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    A few years ago I found myself in a HackMaster game. I was new to the game and hadn't played many RPGs in general so I made a cleric of Thor. His abilities were nothing impressive, but he soon developed into a pretty crazy character.

    "Your god is weak and has puny arms! Now, Thor? There's a god. His arms are the size of WHALES!" -Trying to stir up a fight with a rival priest.

    "May I stain the stone with the blood of my enemies?" -Upon
    being given a stone of penance to wear around his neck. It was punishment for that fight with the rival priest...

    "For the party!" -The same cleric, now throwing his trusted warhammer at a paladin who had arrived to bring the party to justice. Rolled a nat 20 and disarmed him. It was great.

    Edit: I just thought of another quote that's still brought up now and again. I was playing a Solar in an Exalted game who was a skilled sea captain and good marksman. I created a special maneuver that I ended up calling "A Sure Thing" that resulted in a massive bonus to hit and damage when I used it. The first time I tried it, I managed to miss my target entirely. at that point my character, "Mad Dog" Hardigan, said with a slight tremble in his voice, "But it's a sure thing."
    Last edited by Zach J.; 2011-02-07 at 02:56 PM.

  19. - Top - End - #19
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Cheesy74's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    From my warforged in his first battle since the war that granted him his sentience:
    "Even as a civilian, I've hungered for war. For three hundred years I've waited for an opportunity to wield this blade. Let me show you why I haven't rusted."

    A little bit over-the-top since we were just fighting some ghouls, but man did I feel badass.
    HOMEBREW
    The Phase Dancer - A spellsword who has learned to use teleportation to stab people.
    The Stalwart - An unarmed, unarmored wall of muscle that fights with surges of strength and massive combat maneuver combos.

  20. - Top - End - #20
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    true_shinken's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Quote Originally Posted by CycloneJoker View Post
    Monk whose first words in the campaigne were "Ore...SANJOU!" Also, he has also said, on what were crits/killing blows, before it happened, either "Charge and Up" or "Rider Kick."

    Also, a Warforged Psywar who used Enlarge and said "Big O, SHOWTIME!"

    Nowhere near as good as some of the others here, but I thought they were good, and got some laughs in. My one regret is not Gestalting Monk or SS//Sorcerer, get to level 18, and use "Clock Up" as the verbal component for time stop.
    You win all my cookies, sir. That's just so awesome!
    I had a Swiftblade player using "Clock Up" as the verbal component of his haste spells.

  21. - Top - End - #21
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    My Half-orc fighter with a rather low intelligence score has a couple

    After waking up and finding himself tied up in a room with the rest of the party,after supposedly successfully negotiating themselves out of a tight spot and succeeding their mission, my orc turned to the one NPC halfling who knew what was going on and said, "I 'ave jus one question....which gnome am I ripping in half when I get out of here?"


    While attempting to cross a border, with papers claming he's a cleric of Correllian... "Kord be with you"

    While talking to the Red Baron; a man who dresses head to toe exclusively in red: "Why ye called the red baron?"


    Finally whilst fighting some orc pirates: "YOU MIGHT BE GREENER BUT I'M MEANER!" *bullrushes an orc overboard*

  22. - Top - End - #22
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Lord_Gareth's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    System: Scion: God
    My Role: Storyteller
    Character: Loki

    It was the night before Ragnarok, and the Aesir (including the newly-ascended PCs) were feasting in Odin's hall, preparing for battle and celebrating their last night of glorious life, when Loki walks in. Heimdall goes to seize him, but Loki looks at Odin and snidely reminds the All-Father that he'd sworn an oath that neither god would take drink unless the other also had a cup. Odin reluctantly admits that he did, in fact, swear such and oath, and extends Loki his hospitality. Loki begins to feast and drink and carry on as though he's having a great time while all the other gods seethe with their fury and glare at him, biting back hatred.

    Finally, Loki stands up and drunkenly proclaims a toast, and then proceeds to insult every single god present. He calls Odin a stupid old man who lets birds think for him, mocks Thor's love life with lurid descriptions of sleeping with Sir, accuses Forseti of being a coward who hides behind peace, and degrades all of the god's strengths while dredging up all the times that they acted weak or cowardly. Just as they're all getting up to kick his ass, he delivers the finish to his speech:

    "And in conclusion, I now know what it must have been like for the first lowly human to develop intelligence while all the other cave men were still howling and pounding their damned chests. I hope you morons appreciate the fact that the only intelligent man among you dies tomorrow because of your stupidity. Goodnight!"

    At which point he drains his drinking horn, slams it on the table, gives Thor the finger and walks out of the Hall without ever looking back.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chilingsworth View Post
    Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
    My extended homebrew sig

  23. - Top - End - #23
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    Playing a compassion one tank Alchemical (basically a golem), I was struck by a massive blow by a Immaculate Monk. Being that most of my charms were damage reducers, I negated it out of hand.

    "You seem to have struck me in the heart. Fortunately, my utter lack of compassion means I seem to be missing that particular organ..."

    He escapes by plummeting off of a cliff, producing an artifact of paper to allow him to fly. I turn to my friends, look down a 1800 foot drop.

    "I can soak it. ...IF I STUNT ENOUGH ON THE WAY DOWN." and dive after him.

  24. - Top - End - #24
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Daemon

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    The one and only quote worth quoting.

    "Nope. Paladin."
    Homebrew: Ghost Rider, a 3.5e Base Class inspired by Marvel's Comics.


    So guys, the new Iron Man trailer, huh?

    Spoiler
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  25. - Top - End - #25
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    randomhero00's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    A wildshaped druid who knew something really important but couldn't talk (he didnt have fingers and couldnt write either)...

    "Roar ROAR roar...claw claw...roar.."
    Group: "Okaaay, good boy..pats head"

  26. - Top - End - #26
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Chimera

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "Silly American trap door is no match for Russian explosives," A player said in a d20 modern zombies game as he planted C4 on a rickety trap door to get into the basement as he detonated it so it would explode behind him valiantly as he lit a cigar on the flames.

  27. - Top - End - #27
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Arillius's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    This is the background to a Sci Fi campaign I'm in. A group of people is the first to visit this world that was found through wormhole tech. Probes had been sent before hand and it was considered a dangerous place, so the people they sent were military trained, but they were still nervous. A new planet, with life and predators and the like. The leader turns to them and says, "Don't worry, I brought extra ammo."

    Also awesome paladin quote Cog.

  28. - Top - End - #28
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DeathsHands's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "Hey, we got some problems, boss; gonna lock ya in here awhile, hope ya don't mind."

    The party was being paid to escort a business man to another system; they got boarded.

    "But if things go bad, I don't want any bitching for the direction I take."

    The party was skeptical.
    Last edited by DeathsHands; 2011-02-08 at 05:49 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    I wish i knew how to make this sound even better. But seriously, how can someone make it any better than HYDRALISK WITH SHADES?!
    [14:30] [RSO] DeathsHands (deathshands5): I'm good as is. Moral anchor for the party.
    [14:30] [RSO] DeathsHands (deathshands5): Sure, he could be insightful, but I was distracted by the demon ass and forgot the rest of my sentence.
    [14:31] [RSO] Arkalark (arkanepriest): Our moral anchor got caught in the demonic depths, if you know what I mean.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    I've had several, but they have all faded from memory. With the exception of my friends weapon master in a wheel of time game.

    At one point we were being continually harassed by guards under the..insightful...leadership of captain Abel. Eventually we managed to kill him and the WM took the head. Bizarrely having ranks in Craft: Embalming, he asked if he could use that to clean the skull and put in screws for the jaw so it could move up down and stay together. The DM allowed this.


    About 4 levels and 5 or 6 months later (both in and out of game) the captain's followers found us again finally. They gave a very long speech on how they had hunt us down and they were sure that this is what Captain Abel would want. At this point we had completely forgot that the WM had done the skull thing, which he whips out, fingers inside of the skull, and uses his thumb to move the jaw in order to make it look like he said "Captain Abel disagrees."

    Glorious. The DM looked shocked and we laughed like crazy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alabenson
    Evil Intelligence is knowing the precise ritual that will allow you to destroy the peaceful kingdom that banished you.

    Evil Wisdom is understanding that you probably shouldn’t perform said ritual while you’re standing in the estimated blast radius.

  30. - Top - End - #30
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

    "Run. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. You, run."

    Explanation:
    Spoiler
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    About a year ago I was playing a centaur ranger with the Giant Killer kit (if you're not familiar with kits, they're kind of like prestige classes in reverse- you can ONLY take them at character creation, and they give certain benefits in exchange for losing other abilities. Basically the same thing as variant classes) in the old Against the Giants modules. Anyway, we'd been sneaking around, killing frost giants half a dozen at a time and messing with them with the fairly low-level spells at our disposal (invisibility + really fast screaming dwarf = they think they're haunted; hitting their sentries with Call Lightning, stuff like that. We had to make heavy use of psychological warfare due to the fact that we were about half the level characters expected to do that module were supposed to be.)

    We'd gone down to the lower levels of their stronghold, which was carved out of a glacier, and were staring down no less that fifty frost giants. I was like level 7 or 8 at the time, and two solid hits from a frost giant could have easily killed me. Altogether, we had about a dozen people (me and my sister, our henchmen, and an NPC jungle giant we'd rescued from the previous module.) Pretty much all of us were there, and we hadn't expected to see this many all at once. My plan was to fire a few arrows at them to draw their attention and rely on my 18 Constitution and good AC, as well as a class feature Giant Killers got that allows them to dodge one giant missile per round, to keep me alive. Then I would escape via my Ring of Invisibility and another item that allowed me to fly indefinitely, though slowly. I hadn't counted on the jungle giant NPC who was with us staying behind with me. We stalled them for a few rounds to give out allies a good lead, then followed suit. We both took a couple hits, but we made it out alive.

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